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Anyone else have this success kid epiphany this morning? (i.imgur.com)

submitted ago by Relaxolutionist

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[–]justpaper 51 points52 points ago

Dude, this hurt my feelings.

[–]UncleverUsername 14 points15 points ago

But you've fucked Sheryl Crow way less times.

[–]cresur 0 points1 point ago

That actually counts points for me.

[–]Ikimasen 23 points24 points ago

I also have as many NCAA wins since 1998 as Joe Paterno and I'm still alive.

[–]Acolyte666 2 points3 points ago

I have as many kills in quake one multiplayer as President Clinton.

[–]PropaneProphet 25 points26 points ago

that may be true but has a foundation you created raised over $470 million dollars to help people in the fight against cancer?

[–]SleepingOnMoonshine 14 points15 points ago

Shhhhhh

[–]BoltVanderHuge0 6 points7 points ago

Exactly, who gives a fuck about a bike race? This guy has saved many lives.

[–]Corky83 2 points3 points ago

People care about a bike race because not only has he singlehandedly made a sham of an entire sport but he's destroyed many many lives through his systematic bully boy tactics. A bit of charity work does not change the fact that Armstrong has been shown to be a very nasty individual who has shown zero remorse for his actions. Let's not forget that Al Capone was a noted philanthropist, did that make him a good guy?

[–]dman8 2 points3 points ago

"singlehandedly made a sham" - I'm pretty sure doping in cycling was around before him, was rampant during his time and is going to be pretty damn common in the future.

[–]fick_Dich 0 points1 point ago

True. One of the years (I can't remember which), they have to go back to something like 5th place to find someone to award the title who hasn't been accused of doping. It's more prevalent than steroids in baseball.

[–]Corky83 -5 points-4 points ago

Of course we all knew that cycling had issues with drugs. What singles Armstrong out is that he put himself out there as a role model and he was very aggressive in doing so. Can you think of anyone else who has damaged their sport to the same extent that Armstrong had damaged cycling? If you stop ten people on the street and ask them to name a cyclist at least nine of them will say Lance Armstrong. When a sport becomes so associated with one man then both the sport and the man live and die together. Now that we can clearly see the damage that Armstrong was willing to inflict in the name of fame and fortune, coupled with the fact that he had and appears to still have the likes of Pat McQuaid in his pocket is incredibly damaging for cycling.

[–]BoltVanderHuge0 0 points1 point ago

Good point, I just thing the good he has done outweighs the bad

[–]Corky83 0 points1 point ago

Does it though? No doubt that livestrong has done good work, but I would say the credit for that goes to the people who work for livestrong everyday. Armstrong has used both his battle with cancer and the livestrong foundation as a shield to protect himself all these years. Any time someone challenged him about his cheating he'd hit back by citing his cancer and charity work. In my opinion that was despicable behaviour that shows a lack of empathy in stark contrast to the public image he has tried to sell. I think a clear example of this was his treatment of Paul Kimmage at the tour of California press conference a few years ago.

[–]alexschmitz 4 points5 points ago

They actually are just for awareness now. No helping anymore.

Edit: don't listen to me.

[–]sosupercalia 2 points3 points ago

Livestrong is actually surprisingly efficient for an organization of its size http://www.livestrong.org/What-We-Do/Our-Approach/Where-the-Money-Goes

[–]alexschmitz 3 points4 points ago

I stand corrected! That's what you get when your news sources consist of only Reddit.

[–]corywr 0 points1 point ago

Seems legit.

[–]diddly 0 points1 point ago

While they do spend 82% of their funding on programs, it's a little harder to decipher exactly what the programs are - it seems like most of them are related to awareness - the explanatory paragraph for their "Programs & Partnerships" section reads:

Raising awareness, increasing outreach and facilitating collaboration are critical to improving the cancer experience.

[–]phdarnell 0 points1 point ago

I don't believe I've heard of dollars dollars before.

[–]mizterPatato 5 points6 points ago

I have just as much talent as Justin bieber and I'm a male

[–]Flame_of_Orion 9 points10 points ago

he still won, it is not as if the races never occurred. His title was revoked, not the experience. Yet obviously you have more balls behind a screen. He fought for what he believed in.

[–]guitar1560 1 point2 points ago

Fucking amen. Im a collegiate cyclist and i feel like people just dont fucking understand how hard the sport is. the dedication, time, perseverance, and mentality it requires. Lance will always be a legend. Fuck usada

[–]KU76 0 points1 point ago

What's a cylist?

[–]obadub 0 points1 point ago

Forgive me if I'm being naive, but what does the cycling community generally think of Lance after this has come out?

And why "fuck the USADA"? Did they ignore a huge piece of evidence or something?

[–]guitar1560 1 point2 points ago

Its fine. Most people agree with the USADA's decision, as do I. However, the fact that they hounded him down for 17 years (they're only legally allowed to for 8) makes it look like a witch hunt. USADA also has previous tobacco lobbyists working for their chairs and Lance is known as a huge anti-tobacco advocate. As for the doping...I disagree with it. But at least 70% of professional cyclists dope in one way or another and will continue to do so. It's unfortunate that it's such a dirty sport, but that's the price you have to pay if you want to win.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

Lance will always be a legend.

Well, a fraudulent legend.

[–]cuntlandia 5 points6 points ago

Twice as many testicles/ovaries... y'know, so the ladies can also feel superior.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points ago

Two x 0 ovaries is still 0 ovaries...

[–]zaphod_85 5 points6 points ago

Wait, so you're telling me that Lance Armstrong has an ovary?

[–]Relaxolutionist[S] 4 points5 points ago

I tried to include women in my joke but it just wasn't as smooth. :-p

[–]Jerzeem 1 point2 points ago

"gonads"

[–]cuntlandia 0 points1 point ago

Thank my extra testicles and ovaries for the help? Honestly, I should see a doctor.

[–]thisbaseball17 1 point2 points ago

He gets caught doing what EVERY championship-caliber cyclist does, and it's now okay to make fun of him for getting his genitals partially mutilated due to cancer?

You sick bastard . . . I like you.

[–]heflin11 2 points3 points ago

The ada can not take away his tour de France wins the tour is a separate entity

[–]Raymond352 4 points5 points ago

The UCI did not appeal to their decision to strip him of his titles. Therefore, no more titles...

[–]JumpJax 3 points4 points ago

You are a horrible person. He got his wins revoked because he was fucking tired of having to get constant drug tests.

[–]guitar1560 2 points3 points ago

exactly...it was a witch hunt and unconstitutional.

[–]JumpJax 1 point2 points ago

I totally agree.

[–]Loahnuh 2 points3 points ago

Which he was made to do for his suspected use of performance enhancers and involvement in doping rings, which he failed to challenge and which have supported by the UCI and the FFC after examining the findings made by the USADA.

Besides he always struck me as a major dickwad.

[–]JumpJax 2 points3 points ago

The way I heard the news, was that he just got tired of people going down his throat [just because he was such a winner]. Like it just wasn't worth his time debunking baseless claims anymore, especially since he was retired.

[–]Loahnuh 1 point2 points ago

Thats because the media has a hero boner for him.

One does not win seven consecutive titles and just allow them to be stripped away without fighting it to the bitter end, unless he knew he was boned in the first place. Compounded with the lack of appeal and support for the charges from the other European cycling authorities and I think this is the most logical outlook.

[–]Jrbiggz37 1 point2 points ago

He passed every test he took. It happened. They chose him for whatever political reason, and it was a dick move. The only time anything came up in his system was when he was on cancer treatment that came up.

[–]Loahnuh -1 points0 points ago

I'm not arguing anything here, true or not, I despise the one nut wonder and will use his disgrace and cowardice as my own personal plaything.

[–]Jrbiggz37 0 points1 point ago

Well the fact of the matter is, whether you like him or not, what you say about him is incorrect in regards to testing and him being stripped of his titles. You can not like him, but when you spout incorrect bull you aren't credible and its hard to listen to. Even if you don't like someone, speaking as a well informed person gives you something to respect. He gave up because he passed the tests and proved himself and was still being harassed, if you know what thats like then you would understand.

[–]Loahnuh 0 points1 point ago

I think I'm starting to get the picture...

[–]Fazer2 2 points3 points ago

2x0 wins = 0 wins

[–]Foolbird 9 points10 points ago

"as many" 0 for him, 0 for Lance.

[–]Relaxolutionist[S] 1 point2 points ago

lance had one ball removed, not both. FYI

[–]Raymond352 9 points10 points ago

1x2 = 2 FYI.

[–]PurpleSfinx 1 point2 points ago

Yes, multiply one by two and you get two!

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]seeds_brah_seeds 32 points33 points ago

I believe he still has one? Haven't kept up on Lance's balls though

[–]Ran_dice 0 points1 point ago

But less than half of his wealth.

[–]Utenlok 0 points1 point ago

It takes balls to make a post like that.

[–]Ragnalypse 0 points1 point ago

I have also revoked Jimmy Carter's nobel peace prize. Apparently prize revoking doesn't take authority.

[–]feared_rear_admiral 0 points1 point ago

and twice as much jpeg

[–]cooleststoryout 0 points1 point ago

that's horrible and you should feel horrible ):

[–]hunter87 0 points1 point ago

Ne1 else hear this joke on kidd kraddick ... For shame sir

[–]vdourtchevful 0 points1 point ago

*testis

[–]Not_Your_Droids 0 points1 point ago

Too bad I was born with only one testicle...

[–]Lucullan 0 points1 point ago

false. two times zero equals zero

[–]LeBaconator -1 points0 points ago

You had me in the top line, lost me in the second, can't laugh at someone's cancer treatment

[–]zaphod_85 -1 points0 points ago

Would it change your mind a little bit to learn that the particular type of cancer he had is strongly linked to PED use? That is to say, he may have never gotten cancer in the first place if he hadn't used steroids.

[–]Capsuleer 0 points1 point ago

It also could be genetic. Or random mutation. Or aliens.

[–]ClarkeySG -1 points0 points ago

Victim blaming much?

[–]zaphod_85 0 points1 point ago

So he's a victim even if he quite possibly did it to himself?

[–]niceguykobe -2 points-1 points ago

fuck you

[–]mallystryx -3 points-2 points ago

Congrats on having more testicles than the average man

[–]CommanderCooper 5 points6 points ago

The average man has only 1?

Good Lord... To the doctor I go.

[–]LockeOut 2 points3 points ago

The mean number of testicles amongst all men is probably slightly less than two. So, in that sense, having two testicles would be slightly more than the mean number of testicles of all men in the world.

However, he has the median and mode number of testicles among men.

[–]Goldbloomiswatching 0 points1 point ago

Which is to say that those with three testicles should also be considered. But we should omit the outliers, so people with 5 balls won't skew the data set.

[–]LockeOut 2 points3 points ago

My search history is now officially weird and I couldn't find any real data, but I'd guess there are more "lost" testicles than "extra" testicles when all is said and done. I would be very shocked if the mean number of testicles among all men wasn't below 2.