this post was submitted on
538 points (73% like it)
844 up votes 306 down votes

funny

subscribe2,634,546 readers

9,485 users here now

Results of the facebook poll

Reminder: Political posts are not permitted in /r/funny. Try /r/PoliticalHumor instead!

NEW! No gore or porn (including sexually graphic images). Other NSFW content must be tagged as such

Welcome to r/Funny:

You may only post if you are funny.

Please No:

  • posts with their sole purpose being to communicate with another redditor. Click for an Example.

  • Screenshots of reddit comment threads. Post a link with context to /r/bestof or /r/defaultgems if from a default subreddit instead.

  • Posts for the specific point of it being your reddit birthday.

  • Politics - This includes the 2012 Presidential candidates or bills in congress. Try /r/politicalhumor instead.

  • Rage comics - Go to /r/fffffffuuuuuuuuuuuu instead.

  • Memes - Go to /r/AdviceAnimals or /r/Memes instead.

  • Demotivational posters - Go to /r/Demotivational instead.

  • Pictures of just text - Make a self post instead.

  • DAE posts - Go to /r/doesanybodyelse

  • eCards - the poll result was 55.02% in favor of removal. Please submit eCards to /r/ecards

  • URL shorteners - No link shorteners (or HugeURL) in either post links or comments. They will be deleted regardless of intent.

Rehosted webcomics will be removed. Please submit a link to the original comic's site and preferably an imgur link in the comments. Do not post a link to the comic image, it must be linked to the page of the comic. (*) (*)

Need more? Check out:

Still need more? See Reddit's best / worst and offensive joke collections (warning: some of those jokes are offensive / nsfw!).


Please DO NOT post personal information. This includes anything hosted on Facebook's servers, as they can be traced to the original account holder.


If your submission appears to be banned, please don't just delete it as that makes the filter hate you! Instead please send us a message with a link to the post. We'll unban it and it should get better. Please allow 10 minutes for the post to appear before messaging moderators


The moderators of /r/funny reserve the right to moderate posts and comments at their discretion, with regard to their perception of the suitability of said posts and comments for this subreddit. Thank you for your understanding.


CSS - BritishEnglishPolice ©2011

a community for

reddit is a source for what's new and popular online. vote on links that you like or dislike and help decide what's popular, or submit your own! learn more ›

all 85 comments

[–]iSoder 34 points35 points ago

What am I looking at?

[–]alexkirol 29 points30 points ago

It took me a minute as well, this is a list of the winners of the Tour De France. Notice that the years listed as "Not awarded" are all the years Armstrong won

[–]iSoder 9 points10 points ago

Ah, right. Thanks!

[–]Aelfhere 5 points6 points ago

equivalent to WWII and 3 extra years longer than WWI

[–]le_stephanois_55 6 points7 points ago

I guess better not awarded than due to WWIII.

[–]icepigs 46 points47 points ago

I heard on the radio that to award the victory to the highest ranked finisher without doping allegations, they would have to award it to the guy who finished 27th.

That's right...TWENTY-SEVENTH!

[–]MAKE_THIS_POLITICAL 9 points10 points ago

He was competing in the 40s? He's pretty spry for an older guy, drugs or no drugs.

[–]icepigs 8 points9 points ago

I agree. I would bet that if 100% of the athletes were NOT doping, he would still have finished in the top 3 of his races.

[–]gnerfed 3 points4 points ago

If not winning them all anyways. Lance is right, it is a witch hunt. He didn't do the right thing but they should be focusing on now and not then.

[–]rimo 3 points4 points ago

Yes, it's so long ago that no one will remember him as the guy that would have proven you can get away with it...

EDIT: forgot "him"

[–]gnerfed 3 points4 points ago

I honestly do not know what you are saying. Can you at least stay in the right tense, past present or future, for one sentence?

[–]1CUpboat 2 points3 points ago

I too heard this, and have no idea what the source is, or what year they were referring to. But yea, that's my anecdote.

[–]Gaffaj 67 points68 points ago

TIL Lance Armstrong is officially worse than World War 2

[–]ChalkedUp 35 points36 points ago

Can you not read a graph?

Lance Armstrong is just as bad as WWII

[–]Gaffaj 16 points17 points ago

Yes... but WW2 didnt take drugs!!! EDIT: One of our fellow Redditors is worried you may not know what WW2 is, so please find the link to its's Wikipedia page . Essentially it is the same as WWII but uses the Arabic Numeral system rather than the Roman Numeral system. Sorry for any confusion this may have caused.

[–]kindofabigdyl 1 point2 points ago

Blood doping is using your own red blood cells to increase oxygen flow in your body. You draw blood days before, separate the red blood cells, and inject them back into your blood stream before a race. It increases stamina, and literally just about every professional cyclist does it. There are no drugs involved.

[–]Aaronplane 9 points10 points ago

According to depositions, he took a number of injections (including EPO and testosterone). He also tested positive for corticosteroids.

[–]Gaffaj 6 points7 points ago

Yes however Lance has been accused of using the hormone Erythropoietin, more commonly known as EPO, in order to achieve this. And as seen as he didn't get it from interstitial fibroblasts in his kidneys; it must have been produced in a lab therefore being outlawed as a performance enhancing drug under the criteria laid out by WADA and therefore UCI. Next!

[–]Flea0 3 points4 points ago

so, LITERALLY Hitler?

[–]KizzyKid 0 points1 point ago

Yes, when Lance took drugs he grew a small moustache, black hair, and started goose stepping while forming an army to take down the Jewish culture.

[–]vncntprolo 3 points4 points ago

calm down, everything's gonna be all right

[–]ExiDuz 42 points43 points ago

why wouldnt he be? Hitler did nothing wrong.

[–]Defiant47 3 points4 points ago

Literally Hitler.

[–]mesablue 7 points8 points ago

No one will ever win the Tour de France again.

[–]Kbear52 7 points8 points ago

All I did was look for Australia

[–]omgzface 11 points12 points ago

Yeah, we got one. We don't need to do things more than once do we. We've proven enough.

[–]Head_to_toe_legit 9 points10 points ago

"we got one? Fuckin oath!" cracks beer

[–]boucher-04 27 points28 points ago

After much research I have determined that Lance Armstrong is Batman. He is taking the blame for this in order to save the public image of someone else. The saddest part is when Chief Gordon had to smash the Livestrong poster.

[–]metrova08 5 points6 points ago

Where's Floyd landis' gap on the list? He pretty much started the whole witch hunt in cycling

[–]anmd 3 points4 points ago

When Floyd Landis was disqualified, Óscar Pereiro moved from #2 to #1.

In the years when Armstrong won Tour de France, after his disqualification, they've decided to simply not declare winners for those years.

[–]kaot 10 points11 points ago

not completely right: They asked german bicyclist Jan Ullrich (2nd in 3 Tour de Frances behind Armstrong), but he declined - to avoid investigations about him, as he already has had his share of doping accusations&cases.

[–]Aaronplane 4 points5 points ago

Ullrich was implicated in the Operation Puerto sting that occurred the year after he retired; if he had won a TDF he might have been investigated and charged.

[–]RookLive 2 points3 points ago

He won in 97

[–]metrova08 1 point2 points ago

Gotcha

[–]prince_from_Nigeria 5 points6 points ago

world warmstrong

[–]elpapaaaa 13 points14 points ago

Why is this funny?

[–]wintremute 18 points19 points ago

Yes he was doping. So was everyone else. He beat all of them.

Cycling is a dead sport.

[–]MAKE_THIS_POLITICAL 2 points3 points ago

Cycling is a dead sport.

This is like saying the Olympics is a dead event. Just allow drugs for competitions and be over with it.

[–]rimo 13 points14 points ago

That's incredibly short-sighted. Sports are there because sponsors like to be affiliated with role models, and it is the same reason governments sponsor top sport (unless you are like China and want to impress the rest of the world and show superiority).

Admitting they are not role models and legalizing the doping would also endanger the health of amateurs who then think it probably isn't so bad any more, leading to extremely risky behaviour and probably, on a too regular basis, death.

It's not like smoking a joint. Smoking a joint is non-competitive and not status-enhancing, whereas doping is competitive and thus status-enhancing, which will lead to many people abusing it, rather than simply using it the way someone would use soft drugs.

[–]clesiemo3 3 points4 points ago

Hugs not drugs!

eh... ok you can have drugs too.

[–]AFKeeker 4 points5 points ago

Was there an official confirmation that the international community was going to give credence to the USADA's verdict?

[–]vncntprolo 3 points4 points ago

Yeah well, a lot of people doubt about Miguel Indurain's victories too, and Greg Lemond's too... basically everybody since the 80's...

[–]Aaronplane 2 points3 points ago

There's a difference between people doubting it, and having depositions from 11 former teammates saying that it did happen, and that he and his associates encouraged them to dope as well.

[–]1CUpboat 12 points13 points ago

Yes, it's called "bothering with an investigation".

[–]vncntprolo 1 point2 points ago

Fair enough, but as a french man that likes cycling and that reads 'L'equipe' a lot, there's a lot of suspicions (that are only suspicions you're right) regarding Miguel Indurain and a lot of other cyclists. It's pretty obvious that it's not a clean sport imho. I don't think the other sports are cleaner thought, but cycling is the one where there's is more controls.

[–]nuclearblaster 5 points6 points ago

fucked up as in 'getting caught'. I bet 95% of all sport competition winners are heavily doped. There's so much you can improve in performance without upgrading the 'machine'.

[–]superbuttface 2 points3 points ago

when I read lance i immediately thought it was going to be a gay joke about lance bass. i think i'm behind the times.

[–]deadlysin687 -1 points0 points ago

so did I for some reason

[–]deadlysin687 0 points1 point ago

Man, this just ruins that scene in dodgeball

[–]deadeyedic 2 points3 points ago

the proof? because i'm not reading anywhere they have solid evidence. it's all testimony and circumstantial evidence. could someone direct me to a source?

[–]Ikimasen 3 points4 points ago

If eyewitness testimony doesn't count, what's a "direct source" to you?

[–]helium_farts 5 points6 points ago

Eyewitness reports are, by far, the least reliable form of evidence.

[–]Henry1987 0 points1 point ago

sample

[–]Athingymajigg -2 points-1 points ago

meh if i was a rich megalomaniac and for some reason wanted to tarnish armstrongs name i could offer people ridiculous amounts of money to lie about him. if they dont accept the money i could then use my money to find information to blackmail with. eye witness accounts can be very easily fabricated

[–]Ikimasen 0 points1 point ago

So we're going with the rich megalomaniac out to destroy Lance Armstrong for no reason theory?

[–]Athingymajigg 0 points1 point ago

nah just saying eye-witness accounts defintely shouldnt be the only proof used to prosecute someone a lot of the time

[–]0011110000110011 2 points3 points ago

Specify which Lance! I spent almost a minute what Lance had to do with this.

[–]Quasigriz_ 1 point2 points ago

Miguel is a roidin', cheatin' bastard. Jut sayin'.

[–]Rocketdug 0 points1 point ago

I don't like the scale of this. WWI was from 1914 to 1918, not 1915 to 1919. Although the TOV was signed in 1919.

[–]titykaka 0 points1 point ago

Tour de France 1914 finished on July 26 and WW1 started on July 28 so all is well there. Also the year after the war which had destroyed half of the french countryside seems like a pretty good reason to cancel.

[–]P42ALPHA -1 points0 points ago

top ten replies, reddit just hit downs level

[–]thelunchbox29 0 points1 point ago

So has he actually admitted to it yet? Or just basically given up fighting the charges?

[–]ReturnThroughAether 0 points1 point ago

Oh man. Bicycles.

[–]ferjero989 -1 points0 points ago

dude.. they guy had one ball.. you clearly need a bit of drugs to feel like you have both

[–]thelulz10 -2 points-1 points ago

Everyone dopes so it's an even playing field. Lance was never caught, just faced too much pressure to give up.

[–]smcevs -3 points-2 points ago

BULLSHIT....BULLSHIT....BULLSHIT!!!

[–]Qwazattack -3 points-2 points ago

I'm not saying lance didn't dope, but almost all of the good racers at that time doped, so he did it to get on level and he still kicked their ass's

[–]Purpleprinter 0 points1 point ago

He fucked up by fighting for more than a decade then saying "The Tour is literally not worth fighting for anymore". I think the man has ball for fighting that crap for as long as he did.

[–]noodlehoodlum 2 points3 points ago

hehe cause he only has one.

[–]ImGonnaBeInPictures -2 points-1 points ago

That's really misleading. It was awarded.

[–]UltimateJim -2 points-1 points ago

I have no idea what the context is and this image is complete nonsense to me. well done op

[–]geargrabber5 0 points1 point ago

I'm glad I wasn't the only one.

[–]sheldonismyfather 0 points1 point ago

Same here... Context please?

[–]davedog34 -2 points-1 points ago

i just looked closer and if you look at the first 2 gaps, those were caused by world wars. The next big gaps is where lance Armstrong use to be. but there gone because he was doping.

[–]794613825 -4 points-3 points ago

Wait, what?

[–]Barack-OJimmy -5 points-4 points ago

I really don't fucking care it's a French race.