this post was submitted on
1,247 points (52% like it)
13,545 up votes 12,298 down votes
shortlink:

funny

subscribe2,624,650 readers

8,767 users here now

Please take our newest poll about facebook posts

Reminder: Political posts are not permitted in /r/funny. Try /r/PoliticalHumor instead!

NEW! No gore or porn (including sexually graphic images). Other NSFW content must be tagged as such

Welcome to r/Funny:

You may only post if you are funny.

Please No:

  • posts with their sole purpose being to communicate with another redditor. Click for an Example.

  • Screenshots of reddit comment threads. Post a link with context to /r/bestof or /r/defaultgems if from a default subreddit instead.

  • Posts for the specific point of it being your reddit birthday.

  • Politics - This includes the 2012 Presidential candidates or bills in congress. Try /r/politicalhumor instead.

  • Rage comics - Go to /r/fffffffuuuuuuuuuuuu instead.

  • Memes - Go to /r/AdviceAnimals or /r/Memes instead.

  • Demotivational posters - Go to /r/Demotivational instead.

  • Pictures of just text - Make a self post instead.

  • DAE posts - Go to /r/doesanybodyelse

  • eCards - the poll result was 55.02% in favor of removal. Please submit eCards to /r/ecards

  • URL shorteners - No link shorteners (or HugeURL) in either post links or comments. They will be deleted regardless of intent.

Rehosted webcomics will be removed. Please submit a link to the original comic's site and preferably an imgur link in the comments. Do not post a link to the comic image, it must be linked to the page of the comic. (*) (*)

Need more? Check out:

Still need more? See Reddit's best / worst and offensive joke collections (warning: some of those jokes are offensive / nsfw!).

Please DO NOT post personal information. This includes anything hosted on Facebook's servers, as they can be traced to the original account holder.

If your submission appears to be banned, please don't just delete it as that makes the filter hate you! Instead please send us a message with a link to the post. We'll unban it and it should get better. Please allow 10 minutes for the post to appear before messaging moderators

The moderators of /r/funny reserve the right to moderate posts and comments at their discretion, with regard to their perception of the suitability of said posts and comments for this subreddit. Thank you for your understanding.

CSS - BritishEnglishPolice ©2011

a community for
to anything interesting: news article, blog entry, video, picture...
message the moderators

MODERATORS

reddit is a source for what's new and popular online. vote on links that you like or dislike and help decide what's popular, or submit your own! learn more ›

1246
1247

Well that was fast (imgur.com)

submitted ago by Vandmanden

all 162 comments
sorted by:
best
best
top
new
hot
controversial
old

[–]SoMuchTimeWasted 193 points194 points ago

She should just start rocking her bed against the wall and moan all night.

Make the neighbors feel like they really don't know how to sex.

[–]danrennt98 95 points96 points ago

I would just masturbate to them having sex so loud and then complain through the walls when it ends so quickly

"Well, that finished quickly"

[–]IamStrategy 102 points103 points ago

"Oh, you're done? Well, i'm not."

[–]rtwill722 42 points43 points ago

"Can you guys keep wait for just like 5 minutes? I hate being alone..."

[–]LolerCoaster 3 points4 points ago

Its possible they were having quiet sex up until the end.

[–]averysadgirl -1 points0 points ago

I would do the same thing. It's real life fap/schlick material...

[–]Pheorach 23 points24 points ago

My mother did this, I shit you not.

In my childhood home, (townhouse) before I was born, they had a neighbor my mom deemed "the scarlet woman". Every night without fail, this banshee would have some of the craziest, loudest sex, with a shitty headboard that would bang against the wall, which adjoined my parents' bedroom.

One night they got fed up, and started banging their own headboard (which my father had soldered out of copper pipes) making comical screeching noises, and kept doing it long after she (and one of her many partners) had stopped.

Luckily she moved out soon after, and we got some kick-ass neighbors.

[–]txjennah 18 points19 points ago

We lived in a town house when I was little, and I learned years that that my parents would always hear our neighbors having really loud sex. One time, my mom had our neighbor over. Our neighbor heard one of her children playing next door and then said, turning slightly red, "Oh...the walls are really thin."

[–]MagicMoon 1 point2 points ago

Your mother told you this?

[–]Pheorach 0 points1 point ago

My mother tells me a lot of things. She was 20 years old in the 80's, she's got some fucking stories.

[–]di5gustipated 0 points1 point ago

i kind of did this to some neighbors in a multifamily home that was separated into apartments with my one girlfriend. i had seniority in the three living quarters building. it sort of turned into a contest almost. the girlfriend and i prevailed as the champ after numerious 3 hour sessions :D

[–]MightyYetGentle 0 points1 point ago

Yeah...That'll show them...

[–]Triviaandwordplay 0 points1 point ago

I had a girlfriend that was only good for a couple of minutes before she was sore, then had to take a 2 or 3 day break before she was good to go again.

Very delicate vagina. It wasn't a lube thing either, and even two lubed fingers for a minute would make her sore.

On the plus side, she came super easy with penetration.

[–]PacifisticKiller 560 points561 points ago

Punchline in the title. ಠ_ಠ

[–]danrennt98 208 points209 points ago

"ALSO, DON'T PUT THE FREAKING PUNCHLINE IN THE FREAKING TITLE"

[–]ChairmanOfTheBitches 52 points53 points ago

Too subtle, obviously.

[–]jazloc 20 points21 points ago

Needs to be bolder, and redder.

[–]Amonkeyiwishwasi1 8 points9 points ago

http://i.imgur.com/JDmgH.jpg

[–]PTTGx2 0 points1 point ago

It needs to blink harder.

[–]assumes 29 points30 points ago

I'm so sick of hipsters having grainy, pixelated profile pictures. We get it Amy, you like different shades of blue and brown, but that doesn't mean your profile picture has to be a damned rubix cube. Next time you get a new job and your employer decides to look up your facebook account, they're going to see that image and decide you're not the type of personality wanted at the Verizon Wireless family. And then you'll be fired, out of a job, and what's more, you'll be unemployed. And you know what I'll say when I see you in line again at the E.I. collection? Well that was fast. Damned hipsters.

[–]PSIStarstormOmega -3 points-2 points ago

Ha...

[–]Killbunny90210 5 points6 points ago

We need this in the top banner of the subreddit.

We need it at 3 different parts of the sidebar.

It needs to be in the background.

We need to put it somewhere people will fucking see it and actually regard it.

[–]McShizzL 5 points6 points ago

I heard from somewhere that you aren't supposed to put the punchline in the title.

[–]Murse85 68 points69 points ago

I motion we start banning people who can't freakin' read the freakin' rules.

[–]lethargicwalrus 89 points90 points ago

You may only post if you are funny.

Well, there goes everyone.

[–]DOTS_EVERYWHERE 14 points15 points ago

Being funny is very vague, but how hard is it to not put the punchline in the freaking title.

[–]redgroupclan -4 points-3 points ago

People who put the punchline in the title obviously believe putting the punchline in the title is necessary since there are big red letters when submitting a post.

[–]huzisong 0 points1 point ago

Sounds like 9fag.

[–]Komania 4 points5 points ago

The mods stopped caring a long time ago. Now they just let the 14-year-olds run rampant.

[–]kaimason1 6 points7 points ago

Or just do that "Cone of Shame" thing.

[–]Jman5 6 points7 points ago

Mods should start adding Flair to people who don't follow the "no punchline in title" rule.

[–]Triviaandwordplay 0 points1 point ago

Hmmm, where do they do shit like that......

Oh yeah, SRS.

[–]Gikidari 0 points1 point ago

Will you please point out where it says this? I read the side bar like six times and saw nothing about this.

[–]zed_zed_top -1 points0 points ago

I think it says it when you go to submit a link. So OP has absolutely no excuse.

[–]Gikidari 0 points1 point ago

I'm going to check this out EDIT: This is legit.

[–]AdmiralSkippy 2 points3 points ago

I don't know why they haven't put the cone of shame in yet. Then we could downvote and move along.

[–]ilovezledownvotes 4 points5 points ago

I love when the punchline is in the title. Makes it erotic.

Edit: Clearly I'm a terrible troll. I'll go back to being a normal functioning member of society.

[–]xSupernaut 1 point2 points ago

wat

[–]spacecat220 0 points1 point ago

ಠ_ಠ

[–]the_sun_god 4 points5 points ago

Cue "OP is a faggot" thread.

http://i.imgur.com/IN3by.gif

[–]kevlo 4 points5 points ago

OP

[–]the_sun_god 5 points6 points ago

OP

[–]RecursiveInfinity 0 points1 point ago

That's pretty funny. What movie/show is this from?

[–]_sledje_ 0 points1 point ago

Op

[–]Mr_Dr_Prof_Derp 0 points1 point ago

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yWK-Oaq3VQ&feature=related

[–]MagicallyVermicious 0 points1 point ago

I get that it's bad that it's against the subreddit rules. But honestly, how much does doing it ruin the funniness of the content (also, let's save the whole "/r/funny" isn't funny anymore for another time)? To me, joke pictures don't usually have the same pacing as in-person conversational jokes, which ARE pretty ruined if you lead in with the punchline. Here, though, it takes about 2 seconds to read the text in the image (another other argument for another time again, please), and while I'm doing it I don't even remember what the title was.

[–]Youve_got_Downs -5 points-4 points ago

Whiny faggot in the comments. ಠ_ಠ

[–]joseph10000 37 points38 points ago

Neighbor lady must be happy to have such an efficient lover.

[–]Spira9 14 points15 points ago

maybe it was the lady that didn't last.

[–]Hellothereawesome 2 points3 points ago

nope, unless she's german.

[–]Dunderpunch 62 points63 points ago

0/10: Facebook; put punchline in title; not actually funny. 1: It didn't actually last 2 minutes unless she posted to Facebook as soon as they started; more likely 5 or 6, which isn't really all that uncommon or dissatisfying in my opinion. 2: That's a mean thing to say about your neighbors when they haven't done anything to you.

[–]PlasmaDragon007 29 points30 points ago

damn it. i thought it was funny but then i read your comment and realized how foolish i was. thanks!

[–]Dunderpunch 6 points7 points ago

Not gonna lie, your sarcasm made me laugh. It's kinda personal, though, I admit.

[–]skytro 5 points6 points ago

How do you know they didnt do anything to them? Does it say that in the post?

[–]Jonny_Watts 4 points5 points ago

Uh oh

[–]gormster 4 points5 points ago

... 5 or 6 minutes is pretty fast, man.

[–]gmacattack73 30 points31 points ago

The average is 5-7 minutes, 3-7 according to this newer study. Most couples don't go longer than 12.

[–]angry_bitch -4 points-3 points ago

I once was fuck buddies with this buy who had a 9 inch pornstar dick and would go for atleast 6 hours each time. I'm relatively easy to please, and I have to say that double digit orgasms in one night get tedious. You get to a point where you can't tell if it's real, fake, or pain. Glad to have a average joe with as short of an attention span as my own.

[–]YEMyself 12 points13 points ago

I'd like to present the possibility that the sex lasted longer, but only became audible from next door when they really started going at it at the end.

[–]Dunderpunch 7 points8 points ago

It is, but it's not medically relevant. Personally, I would prefer sex last for 5 or 6 minutes to 30 or 45, but that's just me.

[–]endercoaster 0 points1 point ago

5-6 minutes sounds more reasonable for sex, but I'll take the 30-45 once you throw in foreplay.

[–]Dunderpunch 0 points1 point ago

On a good night, yes. But most people have work or school in the morning, so it's good to be comfortable with a sexually satisfying routine that doesn't take a lot of time.

[–]Rather_Dashing 1 point2 points ago

Also, old and fake. That profile picture pixelation was used by a facebook conversation generator a few years back. You can see the exact same layout in lots of these fake facebook screenshots.

[–]treebus 8 points9 points ago

I sometimes leave my porn playing for a while after I'm done, just as not to be judged.

[–]Fearless_Jebrodiah 25 points26 points ago

Fucking punch line in the title!

[–]23McGee 4 points5 points ago

When I lived in Amsterdam I had a screamer living next door to me. Every freakin weekend it'd go on for hours. Pornstar hours. Interesting the first time, way less so after a year.

[–]fairwayks 4 points5 points ago

Guessin' the 45 minutes or so of tender foreplay that led up to the 2 minutes of banshee climaxing was less raucous.

[–]ftblgiants 9 points10 points ago

2 minutes in heaven

[–]RustleJimmies 8 points9 points ago

It's better than 1 minute in heaven.

[–]FreakInDenial 0 points1 point ago

It's not heaven when you're an inch away from shit.

[–]thenameuwisheduhad 0 points1 point ago

It is when your into that.

[–]DaDosDude 12 points13 points ago

That's the time of an average porn for me.

[–]ShockerOnShockStreet 3 points4 points ago

This happened to me when my neighbor was getting laid in the room next to me. I decided to bump some tunes for privacy but when I went to pick the next song... there was silence. I decided to pretend I didn't notice and play a couple more songs. I was a good neighbor that night.

[–]boogog 5 points6 points ago

I can hear my roommate having sex. It doesn't bother me though, I just fap the night away.

[–]markrsteiner 5 points6 points ago

PUNCH LINE IN THE TITLE!

[–]nannerbread135 2 points3 points ago

"The average sexual encounter lasts 3 to 7 minutes"

Source: A hazy memory of a conversation I once had

[–]jediwu 0 points1 point ago

2 minutes! That's forever!

[–]kencabbit 0 points1 point ago

My neighbor goes at it all kinds of freaky.

[–]RedGibsonSG 0 points1 point ago

I thought this was going to be a Jimmy Johns delivery post

[–]Cynikal818 -1 points0 points ago

I'm really hung over. Can someone explain the funny to me?

[–]SassyMouff -1 points0 points ago

What my friend does

[–]Amytherocklobster 0 points1 point ago

A lot of the studies I've read indicate two minutes is the normal time for a guy to last. That or maybe they are trying to make my boyfriend look good :p

[–]arl232 1 point2 points ago

I guess these people missed the thread about inserting stuffed animals between the headboard and wall.

[–]JimTroeltsch 0 points1 point ago

i saw this exact string of two comments in quick succession yesterday... le funny le joke, dude

[–]patrik667 0 points1 point ago

STOP. PUTTING. THE PUNCHLINE. IN THE TITLE.

[–]Infreez 0 points1 point ago

This happened to me this morning. Unfortunately it wasn't so fast in my case.

[–]redditishypocritical 1 point2 points ago

yeah cause facebook posts are fucking hilarious, so why don't you just go talk about how awesome they are over on FB?

[–]Mr_Unagi 0 points1 point ago

My neighbor seriously lasted 3 minutes this afternoon. At first I was pissed when I started hearing them....then just sad for them.

[–]Creevildead 0 points1 point ago

Sounds like the girl above me in the Dorms. Literally 1 minute of bumping, the next; it's over.

[–]sm0kie420 0 points1 point ago

It's fast when it's really good -_-

[–]MistarMuffin 1 point2 points ago

Relevant: http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLD88000E2F4FD1130&feature=plcp

[–]dab202 0 points1 point ago

I have the same issue with my neighbors, the plan is to start having better, longer sex and putting them to shame.

[–]Nakadai 0 points1 point ago

Sad to say it is a very big problem in Japan..Just recently there was a news special on , police were running a sting operation capturing men in the act of slyly shooting photos up women's skirt using cellphones... pretty vile stuff... Rush hour trains have special cars just for women, so they can avoid being groped by perverted men !

[–]cank3r 0 points1 point ago

16 minutes is quick? well... shit

[–]Ruoskanaaras 0 points1 point ago

That's not, but two minutes is rather fast.

[–]TheImpetuous 1 point2 points ago

Well that de-escalated quickly.

[–]Downvotes_Facebook 1 point2 points ago

Leave it on Facebook

[–]Swayingorb786 2 points3 points ago

Well that ejaculated quickly

[–]Samonuh -1 points0 points ago

LOL LE SEX XXDDD

[–]lemmereddit 0 points1 point ago

I don't get it.

[–]bigfatphony 0 points1 point ago

Now I know my neighbour's name is Amy. The reason I know this, is because when I somehow luck in to having sex with a lady, I can only go for like 2 minutes. And this Amy, her facebook status was like, "they're having sex" and then two minutes later it was like, "they stopped having sex".

So that's how I worked the whole thing out in my head.

[–]YommyB 0 points1 point ago

Was gonna say "hey, 14 minutes isn't that bad". Then I realized I'm dumb.

[–]TheyCallMeCactus 0 points1 point ago

Took me a while to realize that the comment was about the neighbors having sex...

[–]EastVan66 0 points1 point ago

2 mins is fast, but OP is still jealous that somebody else is getting some.

[–]Bozosaurus 0 points1 point ago

Two minutes.

[–]IceColdHands 0 points1 point ago

well that beat my record...

[–]The_Master_of_LOLZ 0 points1 point ago

http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lsm1ramQq21qkaysoo1_500.gif

[–]Bruckner7 0 points1 point ago

relevant: http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLD88000E2F4FD1130

[–]JoeTango 1 point2 points ago

Could you please .jpg it a bit more?

[–]SexyLoverBoy 0 points1 point ago

I have a neighbor that shares a wall with me, he lasts maybe 2 minutes as well. Its annoying at first then it's amusing. :)

[–]WobblyGears 6 points7 points ago

Go over and show em how it's done, you sexy lover boy you.

[–]SexyLoverBoy -2 points-1 points ago

I really should, but I am not a manslut.

[–]Brad3000 0 points1 point ago

You realize that you're probably only hearing the last two minutes, right?

[–]SexyLoverBoy 1 point2 points ago

Then they have really boring sex.

[–]KarthusWins -2 points-1 points ago

I approve of this hilarity

[–]zCourge_iDX 0 points1 point ago

/r/Iam14andthisisfunny

[–]erryday_IAm_rustling 1 point2 points ago

Nope. Not even close.

Maybe /r/shitthatisntfunny?

[–]ConcertMusik 0 points1 point ago

Must have been a quickie

[–]krypticNexus -2 points-1 points ago

Can someone explain plz. I don't get the joke -__-

[–]smithclaytont 0 points1 point ago

That good? The best 30 seconds of my life!

Use of this site constitutes acceptance of our User Agreement and Privacy Policy. © 2012 reddit inc. All rights reserved.

REDDIT and the ALIEN Logo are registered trademarks of reddit inc.

π Rendered by PID 13065 on app-136 running 0e63df8.