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837
838

9 ways guys pee. (i.imgur.com)

submitted ago by Largan1

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[–]DNAUXB 32 points33 points ago

And the other ways.

[–]Filan 8 points9 points ago

Plank. For sure

Edit: sometimes Superman.

[–]Fearless_Jebrodiah 2 points3 points ago

Lunge reporting in.

[–]hoodles 1 point2 points ago

Lost it at the Downward Dog.

[–]Frankoharris 17 points18 points ago

I'm a guy, what is the backwards curve?

[–]svalbard_is_my_name 0 points1 point ago

That only happens after sex. Tons of it. With your self, crying and thinking of bacon. Been there done that!

[–]confused_247 12 points13 points ago

As a girl, I found this somewhat educational....2 streams???

[–]Gr1pp717 28 points29 points ago

Yes... particularly the next time after having ejaculated. Better, the streams tend to move, so as you try to correct they hit more random sufaces...

[–]confused_247 3 points4 points ago

Can you explain how ejaculation affects this?

EDIT: I think I figured out....

[–]ansate 9 points10 points ago

Your urethra sticks together and divides the flow into two. Sometimes if it just sticks together on the top or bottom piss will come out in a different direction than you're aiming.

[–]Spr09 2 points3 points ago

Actually, I've found that taking a piss right after (and by that I mean 10-20 minutes after) ejaculating stops anything from sticking together. And then the next piss I take is smooth and easy.

[–]ansate 1 point2 points ago

I meant to post to that person's first reply. My post wasn't really in reference to ejaculation, just explaining how two streams happen.

[–]newtonp01 10 points11 points ago

I had 4 streams once. I was scared.

[–]ansate 5 points6 points ago

Scared? You should've taken pictures. I'm sure there's a subreddit for human sprinklers.

[–]ITSigno -1 points0 points ago

Fuck it. Just use your hands, people. You're already holding your dick, just pull the opening apart slightly and break the seal.

[–]billybobthorton22 10 points11 points ago

Don't forget the "I thought I was done so I tucked my dick back in my pants but now I have a few drops of piss running down my leg". That one's my favorite.

[–]themacguffinman 0 points1 point ago

Wtf. I'm a guy and I've never had this. Doesn't your underwear absorb it even if you forget to make sure?

[–]nioor 5 points6 points ago

Where is the epic hand-on-wall?

[–]StickSauce 1 point2 points ago

This is a move unto itself, and dramatic too. I'm not sure who the dramatics are for but you need to be ready at all times.

[–]MrFluffyLion 6 points7 points ago

number 7 is on point

[–]Ikhtionikos 4 points5 points ago

And don't forget about the "wood-fountain"!

[–]SuperOgre 10 points11 points ago

Or the alternative, hand-on-wall, acute angle lean

[–]achubbo 6 points7 points ago

That is the only way to successfully pee whilst drunk.

[–]Ikhtionikos 0 points1 point ago

While the fountain is the only way to do so in the mornings.

[–]eganic 3 points4 points ago

Guy here. The fuck is a backwards curve?

[–]Jaybleezie 3 points4 points ago

Safe to say I've never had the backwards curve.

[–]ediks 2 points3 points ago

What about the one in the shower?

[–]DarthMuyia 0 points1 point ago

As the sole female in a house of 4 people, I can confirm this.

[–]confused_247 6 points7 points ago

I feel for you...I'll send you a new pair of house slippers!

[–]DarthMuyia 2 points3 points ago

Bless you

[–]unclepickle1 1 point2 points ago

Am I the only one who stands directly over the bowl and pees straight down?

[–]Hadi23 22 points23 points ago

Yes.

[–]Seligas 0 points1 point ago

Or when you whip it out and a hair gets caught in there and you think you're aiming forward but then it starts spraying off to the side and you start swearing and trying to correct it but it just won't fucking cooperate until you finally get the fucker under control again and the last few drops are just diddling out.

[–]_SquirtsMacIntosh 3 points4 points ago

I just imagined a frustrated fireman trying to control the fire hose when at full pressure...is this an accurate analogy?

[–]Trevty 2 points3 points ago

Not inaccurate.

[–]_SquirtsMacIntosh 0 points1 point ago

Oh alrighty then. ...moving on

[–]ArizonaHawk 1 point2 points ago

Forgot about the Drunken Pee... face-first on the floor creating a puddle around you.

[–]Brickashimself -1 points0 points ago

You forgot the boner one

[–]SatinHandyWipe 0 points1 point ago

The cat. So exact!

[–]thebeefwithwings 0 points1 point ago

I always get a 90 degree, vertical, fuck-you-with-your-castrated-testes double stream. Tell me I'm not the only one. Please.

[–]itsAdonisbro 0 points1 point ago

the weird ones only happen with foreskin.

[–]QuidHD 0 points1 point ago

I usually piss sitting down just because it's more relaxing, unless I'm in a rush.

[–]stargoslaby 0 points1 point ago

I have been enlightened.

[–]hobowithabazooka 1 point2 points ago

Missing a few: Ski jumper, hand(s) on the wall, and sitting facing backwards so there's space for your comic book and chocolate milk

[–]iankstarr 0 points1 point ago

My female friend thought I was lying to her when I informed her that we men occasionally urinate in two streams...

[–]whimsicalsteve 0 points1 point ago

Sometimes 3!

[–]ElricG 0 points1 point ago

I've never gotten the backwards curve.

[–]moonshoeslol 0 points1 point ago

Anyone else try to keeping it hitting where the edge of the water meets the porcelain?

[–]mastershake3000 0 points1 point ago

Don't forget the boner piss that shoots out like a super soaker.

[–]ixqy 0 points1 point ago

The "just-woken-up" made me guffaw.

[–]ghhrfy 1 point2 points ago

The last one is a lie, bc the guy is cleaning up after himself

[–]BunnieBonnie 0 points1 point ago

What? The last one threw me...Cleaning up after themselves is a task best suited for the women of the home that sit on the pee.

[–]jw_zoso 0 points1 point ago

How about try to piss with morning wood? I call it 'ski jumping' because I have to lean way forward to avoid peeing above the rim.

[–]el_polar_bear 0 points1 point ago

This reminds me of a seldom-advertised advantage to not being circumcised: If something doesn't feel right and you react quickly enough, you have time to shut the flood-gates upstream and clamp that bastard shut long enough to deal with whatever the problem is without getting piss everywhere.

This almost makes up for it making it damn near impossible to aim for the first five years of life until you learn to retract that shit out of the way.

[–]Awwedamn -3 points-2 points ago

As a girl, Why not just sit down in the first place? I get it might be fun to pee standing up in the woods but if there is no one else to clean the bathroom for you then it seems to me you are constantly cleaning up your own urine.

[–]Tjonke 11 points12 points ago

Also for when you are really in a desperate need to go pee, the power of the stream can be a bit too much in the sitting position because then it just splashes straight ahead into the porcelain and that in turn splashes ALL over your lower body. Not a pleasant scenario.

[–]Awwedamn 4 points5 points ago

I bow to your greater experience on the matter. It's all a bit of a mystery to me. Thanks for the enlightenment.

[–]Askeee 0 points1 point ago

That has literally never happened to me. What the fuck is wrong with your dick?

[–]Poelsemis 2 points3 points ago

Have you not ever sat down and pissed with a lot of force? This can happen pretty easily if you angle your dick badly.

[–]I_am_a_Swede 0 points1 point ago

Yeah, it happens especially when you got a "half-boner" and the dick is half a centimeter away from the porcelain.
If you release the full force of the Kraken at that point you are destined for a wet experience.

[–]Kalimdrone 4 points5 points ago

Waking up in the morning, how to wake up? Sit on the cold seat. Hot in the heat of noon? Sit down, cool off. Simply awesome.

[–]johnnyasma 0 points1 point ago

It is faster, easier, and more efficient. Plus, I don't care about cleaning. Also, I'm always grossed out with "it" touching the inside of the toilet bowl. And, standing is not "fun", it's awesome. I can pee anywhere easily. Well, sometimes it's fun. I've totally spelled my name out on more than one wall. I'm holding back from making women-cleaning jokes, by the way.

[–]Awwedamn 1 point2 points ago

I know a few women who do clean up after men. If a guy did that in my bathroom and didn't clean it up.. well let's just say he better hide his toothbrush.

[–]johnnyasma 1 point2 points ago

Hahaha! Like the Seinfeld episode! I was joking about the cleaning bit. By the way, my aim is like a sniper's.

[–]Awwedamn 0 points1 point ago

Well, that's a relief. I was worried about all the future cleaning ladies.

[–]Lippuringo 0 points1 point ago

As a man, why not do it while stand? It's can add some fun part.

[–]Awwedamn 1 point2 points ago

If you're asking why girls don't stand...it's because it would dribble down our legs and there is very little aim when a girl does it. So, we sit.... squat or hover...Whatever the venue calls for.

[–]goodBEan 0 points1 point ago

Its not comfortable to tuck it behind. Also at times its much faster to stand.

[–]johnnyasma -4 points-3 points ago

Oh, I would also make fun of any one of my friends if knew they did it sitting down.

[–]Awwedamn 2 points3 points ago

Noted.

[–]DrGentlemanPhD -3 points-2 points ago

I only get #1 and #2...

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