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1695

woolworths' facebook (i.imgur.com)

submitted ago by superjjskatedingo ayt ma baeybee

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[–]darseholeBairnsdalian 124 points125 points ago

Due to oh&s we had to look for loose grapes on the ground throughout the store every couple of hours or so people wouldn't slip on them and sue. when I did my gap year at safeway I was so proactive at checking for loose grapes I would often check the entire store hourly, sometimes more often. This was because i cared about our customers safety so much and didn't want someone to injure themselves on my watch...

well that's what I told the store manager whenever he saw me walking around looking at the floor and doing nothing

[–]Timbo2702 28 points29 points ago

"What are you doing?"

"Checking for grapes."

"But you're in frozen foods. Fruit and veg is at the other end of the store..."

[–]alexiuscomnenusQLD 62 points63 points ago

THEY COULD HAVE ROLLED.

[–]TroubledViking 5 points6 points ago

You'd be surprised what ends up where.... -_-

[–]Supertrinko 2 points3 points ago

And that's what I'll say when she takes me to court.

[–]darseholeBairnsdalian 6 points7 points ago

The funny thing is all my managers every said when I told them was, "... carry on."

[–]thirstygoat 3 points4 points ago

Who the fuck trips up on a grape anyway?

[–]darseholeBairnsdalian 14 points15 points ago

If you watch Today Tonight quite a few people

[–]DUCKVILLELOL 6 points7 points ago

Those people also have cancer, are being cheated by the government in some way, have bills they can reclaim money from, own a fake business that is cheating people out of money, and have the worst neighbours in the world, eat cereal that has a lot of sugar in it, and are dying from a mysterious illness.

Oh shit I just leaked the checklist of any current affairs show.

[–]dmanww 1 point2 points ago

you don't trip, you slip. Grapes are almost perfectly designed to fuck you up.

[–]SenorFreebie 0 points1 point ago

You only said that because you'd lose your job at YOUR ADVERTISING FIRM if you didn't.

[–]hepalopalaGC 0 points1 point ago

I kept seeing signs saying "Watch out for grapes." I had no idea what they meant.

[–]JBaraus 1 point2 points ago

One of the reasons they say over the PA 'service 60 (or whatever it is now) to aisle 3' instead of 'mop & bucket to aisle 3' is because customers are scumbags and there have been situations where the customer would hear that there was a spill in aisle 3, go and quickly sit in it and then when the staff arrived to clean it up they'd claim they slipped in the spill and want some form of compensation.

[–]Dramacat 73 points74 points ago

If you bag a single grape and take it to the checkout, it will be under 3 cents and in Australia will be rounded down to 0 cents. So, you could get all the free grapes you can eat, annoy people, get some free bags and some exercise.

[–]neoporcupineof Portland 33 points34 points ago

This has been attempted before. Woolworths and Coles have defences against that nowadays, along the line of insisting that you go to the end of the line for each purchase, they can also close the lane after you place your product down forcing you to stand move to another line and wait, so on. Finally, they can ask you to leave and call the police when you refuse - a right of any store, but I would be surprised if Woolworths/Coles would resort to that.

[–]evoken1 43 points44 points ago

Self-serve.

[–]Dramacat 30 points31 points ago

Remember to choose to pay with cash though, because they don't round down eftpos payments. Also, I'm wondering if a single grape would probably cost a lot more than 3 cents? I can remember being charged almost $16 for a bag of grapes once, I actually ate them slowly over a week to stretch the damage out.

[–]Carwash1152 31 points32 points ago

Holy hell dude. Are grapes gold plated in Australia?

[–]bthaddad 15 points16 points ago

Those ones are $18 a bag.

[–]Dramacat 27 points28 points ago

I think they were the $24.00 ones, there was a sticker on each grape saying they were hand picked by naked virgins.

[–]ScotteeMC 7 points8 points ago

Male or female?

[–]e7t 23 points24 points ago

Yes.

[–]Cynofield 0 points1 point ago

Good call!

[–]BCBUDDHA 5 points6 points ago

its an island in the middle of nowhere

[–]aceslick911 13 points14 points ago

We also have a huge wine industry that rivals France.

[–]Dramacat 12 points13 points ago

There's basically only Coles and Woolworths, together they've managed to squeeze most of the little stores out of business, so they get to charge exorbitant amounts for basic food items. We can pay about $ 6 for kg of tomatoes and bananas can sometimes cost over a million dollars each.

[–]iamplasma 2 points3 points ago

In fairness the tomato prices are the same at independent stores too. It's that recent bad weather drastically reduced supplies, it's not just Woolworths jacking up prices.

[–]Dramacat 0 points1 point ago

I can buy a kg bag at the market for under $2, but I usually grow my own.

[–]sleevey 2 points3 points ago

<=== /r/trees is that way

[–]joonix 0 points1 point ago

Actually you have a lot more little food stores here than in the US. Yet, in the US we have more large stores and more competition in retail in general. One main contributor is the lack of large retail spaces available - you can't crush old buildings and build a giant box store like you can in the US.

[–]who_are_you_really 0 points1 point ago

nope - but we do have some gold standard tight wads it seems.

[–]catvllvs 0 points1 point ago

It's like virgin tittie tea

SFW

[–]Hebdabaws 0 points1 point ago

Apparently. 1 kilogram of grapes cost around 2€ in Finland

[–]CoopersPaleAle 8 points9 points ago

I must say I'm a fan of self-serve, mostly for reasons I wont post here.

I will say that carrots are consistently the best priced item in the fruit and veg section.

[–]evoken1 2 points3 points ago

I get ya. :)

I thought watermelons were, though.

[–]BennysHedges 1 point2 points ago

Good stuff, but be careful....

[–]elizadolotsJULIAR 0 points1 point ago

Brown onions are also pretty well priced as well... or so I've heard.

[–]nylgrl 0 points1 point ago

Dude, if you're going to shoplift just shoplift. Don't go to the checkout and feel like you're being all clever, that's just being a dick.

[–]jant3 18 points19 points ago

I work at the checkout at a Woolworths. Firstly, I have never heard of such a procedure. Why would we go through such hoops of trying to avoid serving them? I assure you, if a customer is being overly obnoxious and wasting our time, if it came to it we would eventually just flat out refuse to serve them (and possibly ask them to get out of the way and/or leave if necessary).

That said, I probably wouldn't care if someone did it to me, if someone actually can be bothered to do it and keep coming back with individual grapes then I would just find it funny.

Also, just wanted to add there is another 'legitimate' way of getting free produce. For each produce item, the register machine will take off about 5 grams from its actual weight, because the store isn't allowed to charge customers for the weight of the bag. This means if you have something that weighs less than 5 grams (eg a baby chilli, or maybe even a grape) it will not even register on the machine, and the customer just gets it for free.

[–]neoporcupineof Portland 2 points3 points ago

When the 1 cent / 2 cent coins were phased out there was an arse who was trying it on at a Woolworths, buying one mushroom at a time (I think). They worked around him with various methods and made a statement of some sort at the time. I am guessing nobody tried to duplicate his efforts ... until now :)

[–]Retaboop 0 points1 point ago

So if I don't put my produce into bags, I get 5 grams worth of produce for free?

[–]jant3 0 points1 point ago

Yeah, pretty much. The only worthwhile item it ever actually happens with is individual baby chillis.

[–]MrMagic89Adelaide, SA 1 point2 points ago

I work at Coles and our policy is that you can try anything you like in the fresh produce department. So you are more than welcome to eat an apple or ask to have a mango cut up to try or bust open a pack of strawberries. It is totally fine to do this. However this being said, if you were to grab one of each item, sit down and eat them all they would kick you the fuck out but to come in and try an apple before you buy it or something is totally fine.

Our scales also rond down a bit also, but I am not sure if it is 5 grams, I will have to check! I mean the chilis are pretty light and still come up at a small price.

[–]longmoulds 0 points1 point ago

Or just casually eat some blueberries and leave the container for the poor nightfill schlub to find. I hate those people. The worst are fucks that eat pistachios and leave shells wherever they feel like.

[–]Fartmatic 4 points5 points ago

There's always deals with meat where you have to buy a minimum amount to get a certain price, surely they could just apply the same to fruit if it really becomes a problem.

[–]WouldYouTurnMeOn 2 points3 points ago

Next time I go to Woolworths, I'm picking a bunch of grapes and asking to pay for them all in separate transactions.

[–]seashanty 1 point2 points ago

Hang on, what? I thought we always rounded to the nearest 5?

[–]cajamianSydney's Northern Beache 0 points1 point ago

3 and 4 cents round up to five.

[–]jamurpmurping all day long 18 points19 points ago

Badass indeed, you can tell from his display pic that he's playing Wonderwall by Oasis on his guitar.

[–]perkited 16 points17 points ago

It's usually loose instead of lose, but this is a rare lose for loose.

[–]cantfeelmylegsGolden Wattle 10 points11 points ago

Also it should be badarse rather than badass :-)

[–]ChuqTas 8 points9 points ago

Hmm, technically, you are quoting an existing phrase, so it should stay it it's original dialect (American). Eg. Foo Fighters' album "The Color And the Shape" should have the same (US) spelling in Australia.

[–]vanface 4 points5 points ago

That was a very unfortunate choice of example...from wiki:

Even though Foo Fighters are an American band, the word 'Colour' in the album title is always spelled with the British spelling. This was a nod to producer Norton, who is British.

[–]ChuqTas 1 point2 points ago

Shit! I knew I should have checked! :-/

[–]SenorFreebie 0 points1 point ago

Screw that. As a programmer in the digital arts field, presently working for an advertising contract I make an effort to rename all references to color in code to colour.

I also make a song and dance every time a duopoly of businesses attempts to RUIN MY FAVOURITE WEBSITES TO GAIN A FEW STUPID CUSTOMERS.

[–]roganartu 1 point2 points ago

Australian programmer here:

Leave them as color for parameter names. US English is usually considered the standard with these things for a reason. Imagine having to constantly check if the API you are working with is GB or US English for naming conventions.

[–]SenorFreebie 1 point2 points ago

Most of the work I do is with parameters that I set that over-ride the original names. The variable titles I use become the new standard for my localised plugin (in Australian companies) so the way I think of it; my stuff is more recognisable as local because of the u.

[–]perkited 3 points4 points ago

Is it arse in Australia? In the U.S. it's definitely ass (we don't use arse at all).

[–]KiloNiggaWattActually Ghandi 6 points7 points ago

Your ass is a pack animal. Your arse is formally known as your gluteus maximus.

[–]cantfeelmylegsGolden Wattle 6 points7 points ago

Well, it doesn't really make a difference but it's good to be different.

Wikipedia notes Arse as "the British/Irish/Australian/New Zealand-English vulgarism for the buttocks, equivalent to "ass" in American and Canadian English".

It's slowly seeping in as the default. No nasty pun intended.

[–]dioxholster 2 points3 points ago

Badbuttucks

[–]Tw1sty 1 point2 points ago

Badbuttocks FTFY

[–]cantfeelmylegsGolden Wattle 0 points1 point ago

Yep, we need to make this official. This or Badbum.

[–]deletecode 23 points24 points ago

I'm just seeing this from /r/all and I gotta agree, badass present here. You may wanna xpost this to first world anarchists cause this is golden.

[–]KnightHawk3QLD 20 points21 points ago

Man, your really far down /r/all/

[–]ConspiracyCat 6 points7 points ago

Not really, second page, and I only block /r/trees, /r/atheism, /r/dolan and /r/mylittlepony.

On second thoughts, I guess you're right.

[–]firespoon 2 points3 points ago

it makes me sad that mlp has been grouped with /r/atheism and /r/dolan

[–]TheKesselRun 0 points1 point ago

How do you block things from /r/all?

[–]ConspiracyCat 3 points4 points ago

Reddit Enhancement Suite has a filter option in it, to block out certain things you might find irritating.

[–]Farisr9kr/Tarragindi 0 points1 point ago

It's number 38 now!

[–]KnightHawk3QLD 0 points1 point ago

To be fair, when I posted it was only on 200 points. Now its on 1.5K

[–]dirice87 7 points8 points ago

Finally I'm awake while Australians are awake. Shout out to Pete in Perth! Miss ya buddy!

[–]hasteee 6 points7 points ago

Miss you too, bro!

[–]BottleCap42 32 points33 points ago

Nice try, Woolworths social media intern.

[–]cs123 11 points12 points ago

I thought we were boycotting Woolies because of Alan Jones, or is that Coles.... I'm confused.....

[–]lisa-needs-braces 20 points21 points ago

But memes

[–]dioxholster 0 points1 point ago

Memes will one day bring world peace

[–]SenorFreebie 0 points1 point ago

I'm boycotting them because they're ruining reddit.

[–]Brody3KGold Coast 5 points6 points ago

Jokes on him, loose grapes are the number one cause of injuries in Woolworths.

[–]schfiftyschfifty5 6 points7 points ago

Woolworths employee here; the warning notices for loose grapes are fucking everywhere. There are five of them in the lunchroom alone

[–]Brody3KGold Coast 2 points3 points ago

Woolworths employee also.

[–]schfiftyschfifty5 2 points3 points ago

I should have figured as much. I can't imagine too many other people knowing just how dangerous loose grapes are. Although to be fair I've suffered more injuries by splintered pallets than I have by loose grapes

[–]Brody3KGold Coast 0 points1 point ago

They do try to advertise the danger of grapes around the store but I'm sure 99% of customers wouldn't pay attention to them. What department are you in?

[–]schfiftyschfifty5 0 points1 point ago

I have weekly shifts in Groceries and Seafood, but I'm mainly in Perishables. It wouldn't be too bad, but we're ridiculously understaffed in that department.

[–]Brody3KGold Coast 0 points1 point ago

I really want to get out of front end; perishables, dry goods or produce are what I want.

[–]schfiftyschfifty5 0 points1 point ago

"Dry goods", aye? That's what you call it? From my experience, Produce is the easiest gig in the world, with Seafood a close second. I'd assume Liquor would be up there as well, judging by how frequently I see those guys playing around on their phones.

[–]Brody3KGold Coast 1 point2 points ago

What do you call it, What state are you in? In QLD I don't think we're allowed liquor departments in our stores.

[–]schfiftyschfifty5 0 points1 point ago

Well here (NSW) the liquor departments (or at least all of the ones I've seen) are attached to the stores. They're usually just a smaller area at the front of the store, with entrances back into the store and outside the front of the store.

The area with the "dry goods" is mainly referred to as "Longlife", or sometimes "Groceries"

[–]trisurge 0 points1 point ago

we have none at our store :S

[–]schfiftyschfifty5 0 points1 point ago

You can borrow some of ours, haha!

[–]robreim 1 point2 points ago

badass

Is woolworths outsourcing their facebook page management to the US?

[–]delete_thy_facebook 11 points12 points ago

Woolworths' employees show awareness of memes.

INSTANT LIKES

[–]Gnorris 3 points4 points ago

To be fair, memes are really handy go-to responses on corporate social media streams. They allow you to acknowledge a remark that a company wouldn't normally give the time of day to (eg. trolling, petty complaints).

[–]SARsquatch 4 points5 points ago

Ok I'm gonna be the one to say it- you are allowed to sample the fresh produce (within reason) for free. You're going to be more satisfied if you try the grapes before buying $8 of them knowing that they're good, than buying $8 of them, getting home and realising you have an $8 bag of sour (oh yes, the customer always is when they return to complain about it) grapes, which you can also just return for your money + more grapes back if you so desire.

But if you complain to me about shitty produce like it's something that we can magically detect in every single piece of fresh fruit or vegetables I'm not going to pat you on the back about it, in fact I'll probably incur a horrific brain injury whilst listening to you go on and on about it, even though you ate 95% of the grapes but will be getting a 100% refund, learn when you've won and shut up.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Retail.

[–]SenorFreebie 0 points1 point ago

Fresh produce? Which is that? Everything I buy from supermarkets goes off in 1/4 the time of stuff I buy from markets ... and I'm not even talking wanky farmers markets ... just small business focused stuff.

[–]SARsquatch 1 point2 points ago

I find the opposite actually, and I don't say it as a good thing. Supermarket produce is generally less flavoursome & will outlast a nuclear winter (well, most of if).

[–]ftfutrapped in a prison of wealth 4 points5 points ago

I couldn't imagine eating grapes at the supermarket without washing them. So many people handle the fruit before deciding not purchase them.

[–]jamurpmurping all day long 11 points12 points ago

this badass of an individual clearly doesn't care for hygiene.

[–]KiloNiggaWattActually Ghandi 5 points6 points ago

You've got exercise your immune system or when there's an outbreak of some disease you won't stand a chance.

[–]schfiftyschfifty5 9 points10 points ago

"Sweetheart! There's been an outbreak of cholera in the area!"

"It's alright Judith, I ate three cherry tomatoes at the supermarket last week."

"Oh, thank god!"

[–]mtarascio 4 points5 points ago

Micallef did a sketch about this.

[–]SenorFreebie 0 points1 point ago

That must've been where the advertising company got their idea from.

I wonder if that counts as plagiarism of government owned intellectual property. Was it while he was at the ABC or SBS?

[–]superjjskatedingo ayt ma baeybee[S] 3 points4 points ago

This is not mine, original source; Brett White.

[–]xyrgh 1 point2 points ago

Unfortunately karma isn't transferable...

[–]VassiliZaitsev 0 points1 point ago

Awwwwh sheet....

[–]honorface 0 points1 point ago

As someone with the last name of woolworth. What is this store you speak? I need to cash in on a long lost cousin.

[–]Brody3KGold Coast 2 points3 points ago

Woolworths is a supermarket but Woolworths limited is a range of different stores including Woolworths.

[–]dioxholster -1 points0 points ago

I thought Woolworths selled cloths

[–]Wvnr 3 points4 points ago

selled

[–]Brody3KGold Coast 1 point2 points ago

Woolworths does sell clothes, not a clothes shop but does have most of the basics.

[–]LOLSTRALIASick as. 0 points1 point ago

Woolworths was originally a US chain but it was never trademarked in Australia so a tricky chap Trademarked it himself and used it.

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]dreamingtree -1 points0 points ago

Is your username a tribute to Farnsy?

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]Longtimelurker8379 0 points1 point ago

Matthew Voysey?

[–]purple91gsr 0 points1 point ago

Ok So ill be the to ask, is this the Michael "tunny" that hosted the request fest on jjj years back? Sounds like somthing he would say.

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