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1821
1822

How a student night out in England usually ends up... (imgur.com)

submitted ago by AlexHealey

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[–]Wisdom_from_the_Ages 321 points322 points ago

And when he emerges, he will be a beautiful chartered accountant.

[–]Jabberminor 23 points24 points ago

With finding jobs being as poor as it is these days, he'll grow into a fully-fledged jobseeker.

[–]adtaylor 23 points24 points ago

The job centre will put him on a training course that has nothing to do with his qualifications. He'll be alright.

[–]MatthewBox 5 points6 points ago

Then get sent on 'work experience' at Tesco , Very Little helps

[–]Jabberminor 4 points5 points ago

Ah yes, those Geography graduates will get a job sorting out admin.

[–]Wisdom_from_the_Ages -5 points-4 points ago

Secret: math major > English major....

[–]layendecker 4 points5 points ago

Nothing Major with personality, confidence and ability to sell oneself > Math major.

[–]Wisdom_from_the_Ages 1 point2 points ago

Being born ultra-rich > Nothing Major with personality, confidence and ability to sell oneself....

[–]Zbow 4 points5 points ago

Engineering>>Math

[–]dis_is_da_erfh 3 points4 points ago

Unicorn > Horse

[–]The-Mathematician 1 point2 points ago

I know.

*sobs*

[–]Jabberminor -2 points-1 points ago

Maths is so much more useful than English, definitely.

[–]Wisdom_from_the_Ages -1 points0 points ago

Given.

That said, if you know English AND Chinese, you're in a good position.

See how I totally sailed past your obvious mistake? It's as if I could figure out what you were saying even though it wasn't perfect.

[–]tau-lepton 0 points1 point ago

Latin and Haskell?

[–]hereyagoman 0 points1 point ago

Then from chartered accountant to Chartlon Heston.

[–]ZombieKingKong 55 points56 points ago

Protip. When being tied/duct tape, tense all muscles for as long as the binding is being done. That way, the bound is actually bigger than when you relax your body, enabling you to breathe and possibly get away.

[–]Tronoku_ 96 points97 points ago

If you're being tied to a tree, you probably don't have very much muscle to flex.

[–]champbronc2 48 points49 points ago

Bro, do you even lift?

[–]Legit_GFX 5 points6 points ago

I'm not even flexing right now!

[–]ekohfa 3 points4 points ago

did you learn that from reading the Hardy Boys?

[–]sacula 2 points3 points ago

I learned that EVERYONE is a smuggler.

[–]Ben347 1 point2 points ago

I did.

[–]jonnyrobotnik 2 points3 points ago

I've read The Hardy Boys.

[–]tau-lepton 1 point2 points ago

Ryan? Paul Ryan?

[–]lindsaychild 27 points28 points ago

Shouldn't he also be surrounded by traffic cones?

[–]The_Maddog 6 points7 points ago

Traffic cones, a shopping trolley AND a police officers helmet! Once I achieved that...I knew I'd hit max level!

[–]pluckydame 1 point2 points ago

You're a modern day Bertie Wooster.

[–]IceColdCarnivore 97 points98 points ago

Upon further investigation...

[–]dragonboltz 3 points4 points ago

Dude.... what....

[–]jdennison101 3 points4 points ago

Exactly.

[–]nybo 48 points49 points ago

Oh god the claustrophobia.

[–]noteabove91 9 points10 points ago

I had a mild panic attack just looking at this.

[–]yuruku 7 points8 points ago

Pretty much would have to start cutting me out of it for me to stop crying like a child :(

[–]ItsTheFeds 2 points3 points ago

But what great immersion therapy!

[–]sirblastalot 2 points3 points ago

Protip: sweat a little, allowing you to unstick your hand. Then draw your knife (every man should carry a pocket knife) and start to cut yourself free. Remember: the best way to stop a panic attack is to stop the circumstances that are making you panic.

[–]complex_reduction 1 point2 points ago

Yeah seriously I'm pretty sure I would quite literally have a heart attack if that happened to me. Not the "funny" sort of heart attack, the "Shit he is dead" sort of one.

[–]derpinita 0 points1 point ago

What? Really? TIL I don't have that.

Or...wait. Maybe what I mean is empathy. I don't have that!

[–]publius4 0 points1 point ago

Imagine if you had to piss.

[–]mcguinty 0 points1 point ago

I heard someone suffocated when they put duct tape over their mouth doing this. This is my greatest fear. I am so terrified that I can't tell anyone for fear that they would duct tape me to something to cure me. I am almost certain no one I know would do this but what if...

[–]Dukester48 27 points28 points ago

Just looking at that gives me anxiety and makes it hard for me to breathe.

[–]insoundfromwayout 31 points32 points ago

That policeman looks so much like a stereotypical policeman.

Like, he's not laughing, or helping, or moving, or anything, just doing the old blasé unimpressed policeman routine - "ello ello ello, what's going on here then? Officer reporting a young caucasian male cocooned to a tree, requesting advice on how to proceed, over"

[–]xampl9 30 points31 points ago

Probably calling someone who is certified to safely use a knife.

[–]DubiumGuy 17 points18 points ago

Or calling his colleagues so they can all stop chasing swans and come and have a look.

[–]IMREALWHAT_R_U 2 points3 points ago

Is that a Hot Fuzz reference?

[–]skim-milk 7 points8 points ago

When you're in that line of work, you stop laughing after the fifth kid duct taped to a tree. I mean, really, once you've seen one kid duct taped to a tree, you've really seen all kids duct taped to a tree.

[–]thantik 18 points19 points ago

This is actually quite dangerous. The guy could have suffered from crushing asphyxiation due to inability to move his chest.

[–]JeremyR22 6 points7 points ago

And god help him if he needed a piss. Or worse.

[–]dragonboltz 1 point2 points ago

And what about that poor tree!?

[–]pankratov2 16 points17 points ago

Not cool guys. This can lead to serious injuries and death.

[–]stratosss 15 points16 points ago

True - there are many recorded instances of pranksters strapping passed-out drunks to lampposts by their belts, only to find these drunks dead in the morning. Turns out alcohol poisoning lowers blood pressure enough that if one is forced upright, their brain doesn't get enough oxygen and they die.

[–]Ty_lerrr 3 points4 points ago

So is the solution to tie them upside down? Or am I missing the picture here?

[–]Endomandioviza 0 points1 point ago

Yesss… not that I necessarily approve of that behaviour but the clue is in the phrase "alcohol poisoning".

[–]Schlorbian 1 point2 points ago

That and duct tape doesn't breathe. At all. Also no good.

[–]jamie_plays_his_bass 4 points5 points ago

He's most likely pissed himself if that's the morning after the night before...

[–]rhunex 3 points4 points ago

But...every morning is the morning after the night before...

[–]derpinita -2 points-1 points ago

Haha. My upvote is getting diluted bra, but it's there.

[–]Preposterous_Ostrich 5 points6 points ago

What if he had to take a piss?

[–]pankratov2 -1 points0 points ago

He had to leak it in his panties.

[–]Failscout 4 points5 points ago

Yup, pretty much

[–]pencock 59 points60 points ago

That woman has the most gorgeous lady-beard I've ever seen

[–]ThatGuy773 16 points17 points ago

Young Simon and Lewis?

[–]SirToffo 3 points4 points ago

It would seem so.

[–]spamsnorten 2 points3 points ago

"I swear to god this was a great idea"

[–]kealla 2 points3 points ago

I would be HORRIFIED if I were in that position

[–]WeHaveMetBefore 0 points1 point ago

What a sticky situation.

[–]samurai98 -3 points-2 points ago

I'm stuck on thinking of a good reply..

[–]Spoonbread 1 point2 points ago

How about something that isn't low hanging fruit pun chains? Because they're terrible everytime.

[–]Legolaa -1 points0 points ago

I'm sticking around for your reply.

[–]DatBanana1 -1 points0 points ago

Yup, that sums us up pretty well

[–]szester -1 points0 points ago

Shane, is that you taped to the tree?

[–]Bbirch 0 points1 point ago

Yet another good use for duct tape.

[–]Jeklah -1 points0 points ago

Basically yeah.

[–]silent_p 1 point2 points ago

I hope he likes skin grafts!

[–]HoboViking -1 points0 points ago

Damn that menace! Spider-Man must be stopped! - J Jonah Jameson.

[–]b214n 0 points1 point ago

That copper looks a lo' like Jason Segel!

[–]tau-lepton 0 points1 point ago

Keitha?

[–]CaliGolden_bear -1 points0 points ago

You English! America sucks. I would know, I've never left it..

[–]Turtleslam 0 points1 point ago

Yeah captain.. We got another one...

[–]jayjaya29 0 points1 point ago

U wot m8

[–]Iforgotmyother_name 0 points1 point ago

I would walk up and say, "looks like spider done caught himself another fly."

[–]WilhelmEngel 0 points1 point ago

Those rabble-rousers!

[–]PoopyMcPoopenheimer 0 points1 point ago

As a student studying abroad for the year in this dear country, fuck.

[–]sardaukarqc -1 points0 points ago

And because this is the UK cops don't even have knives on them because only people who want to commit murder carry a knife or a multitool. Now he's calling the special cop who received special training on handling a folding knife that locks and you measly civilians can't even dream of getting one. You'd kill someone.

[–]DitzyPony 0 points1 point ago

"Yeah we got another one get a knife over here now"

[–]19115162093 0 points1 point ago

Now would not be the best time to anger your bowels.

[–]aequitas3 0 points1 point ago

Got one in custody.

[–]lihiker 0 points1 point ago

Looks like Alo from Skins

[–]slacker0 0 points1 point ago

The thumbnail looked like a tall woman in a shiny dress. I was disappointed.

[–]derpinita 0 points1 point ago

Well, at least they taped his head up. That would be a long night.

[–]RelevantRoll 0 points1 point ago

arrest all the chavs!

[–]hotdad69 0 points1 point ago

lol u party so hard

[–]jamdrumsspace 0 points1 point ago

Sigh. Poor dude gets taped to a tree and left there and now he's splashed on the internet in his predicament. /shakes head

[–]barkyy -3 points-2 points ago

looks like [10] guy went too far this time

[–]fudog 1 point2 points ago

I live in a small town with too many trees. At least three people have died of being tied to trees because no-one found them. I guess there are fewer woods in england.

[–]patvsbear -2 points-1 points ago

I heard that someone did this once and then they got raped. Food for thought

[–]Pedro9000ish 7 points8 points ago

Amazingly, I heard exactly the same thing about a girl that got a lift home with a trusted friend. Food for thought.

[–]thatwentBTE 1 point2 points ago

ohshityouburnedhisass

[–]ChappyWagon -2 points-1 points ago

I love his face. He looks so proud in such a pompous way.

[–]what1stuff 1 point2 points ago

I think he is happy someone is getting him down. Probably needs to pee really bad or worse, go poop.

[–]Maddoktor2 -1 points0 points ago

"*sigh* Not again..."

[–]Osiris32 2 points3 points ago

That doesn't look like a bowl of Petunias.

[–]spectraphysics 0 points1 point ago

Imagine if he's naked under that tape. Ow!

[–]connoredit -2 points-1 points ago

0.0 duck tape

[–]Shadycat -2 points-1 points ago

No knife wounds or alcohol poisoning? Perhaps I've been misinformed about the English night out.

[–]Allthatisjay 0 points1 point ago

Welcome to the adventures of Lawlfficer Man and Duct tape boy.

[–]StoneDeaf[!] -3 points-2 points ago

English people and norwegians, I don't know... They just like it anal more than normal people. But otherwise not. You know? Putting the penis in a hole. Yeah. They like it. Or not. Heh. Mnom.

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