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top 200 commentsshow all 247

[–]deadnotsleeping1983 319 points320 points ago

My mouse up votes, my soul cries

[–]Cyberslasher 18 points19 points ago

I was dumped just in time for the cuddleweather. Excuse me, my soul needs to be wrung dry again.

[–]ReadsYourComments 61 points62 points ago

[–]DaddyDanceParty 19 points20 points ago

[–]ReadsYourComments 14 points15 points ago

Not Duke. Big fan of his work though.

[–]moar_noaw 2 points3 points ago

[–]Komkast22 4 points5 points ago

It's his pronunciation of 'ded' that really gets me.

[–]gH0o5T 4 points5 points ago

Sir sir, here's your sir, Sir! Your sir is one significant sir, Sir!

[–]ReadsYourComments 13 points14 points ago

[–]NoSleepForMeEVER 0 points1 point ago

Sir! What about the madams, sir?

[–]BlazeOrangeDeer 0 points1 point ago

My mouth...

[–]KrimsonTide 0 points1 point ago

Clever way of raking in comment karma

[–]MrRandomSuperhero 0 points1 point ago

This.

So much of my feels go to this comment.

[–]Hyperian -1 points0 points ago

ajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajaj ajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajaj ajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajaj

[–]pelanderfunk 109 points110 points ago

I don't get it -- why doesn't he just cuddle with his beautiful, loving girlfriend?

[–]VeryWrongImpression 50 points51 points ago

You have a real cruel streak in you.

[–]MayorEmanuel[!] 20 points21 points ago

[–]sexybassman 0 points1 point ago

What is this from?

[–]corsiva 2 points3 points ago

30 Rock

[–]hilarious_meiosis 28 points29 points ago

feels

[–]HelpfulToAll 11 points12 points ago

God forbid he have an average looking girlfriend...

[–]leftylugnutz 16 points17 points ago

Is it possible to love someone and think they're not beautiful?

[–]EJR94 38 points39 points ago

I hope so, I'm fucked otherwise.

[–]sbranson 10 points11 points ago

It's called a mother's love.

[–]Doctor_Loggins 6 points7 points ago

So if you're ugly but your girlfriend thinks you're beautiful, that makes you a real motherfucker.

[–]sbranson 3 points4 points ago

Ultimately, we're all motherfuckers.

[–]jyz002 4 points5 points ago

Deep

[–]BlazeOrangeDeer 7 points8 points ago

Deep in your mom

[–]Doctor_Loggins 2 points3 points ago

Except for the men who father no sons. God rest 'em. :C

[–]sexybassman 1 point2 points ago

Protip: If you have an "average looking" girlfriend, you're supposed to call her beautiful regardless. Surprisingly enough, women don't take kindly to being called "average looking"

[–]jyz002 1 point2 points ago

She's probably busy preparing a nice dinner for their anniversary

[–]DebitsOnTheLeft 53 points54 points ago

Look on the bright side, it's also hoodie and hot chocolate weather!

[–]annieloux 31 points32 points ago

Don't forget pumpkin pies, sweat pants, and movie marathons.

[–]namegoeswhere 28 points29 points ago

Oh man I'm so stoked to wrap up in a blanket, snuggle up with a steaming mug of hot chocolate, and play videogames until my eyes bleed.

[–]deadymcstevejobs 10 points11 points ago

My university set up a stand and started handing out pie in our student center last night. I asked the guy cutting pies why and he said they were told to buy 20 and start giving it away.

[–]annieloux 7 points8 points ago

According to WebMD, pies are a common prescription for Seasonal Affective Disorder.

[–]purple_pop_tart 1 point2 points ago

I wish I could eat pie... :(

[–]Mythnam 4 points5 points ago

I wish my university did this. Instead I get a tuition hike and a new building that won't be finished until after I graduate.

[–]jyz002 0 points1 point ago

Yoga pants would be nice

[–]CaptainSlippery 0 points1 point ago

Kept me from curling up.. Thank you.

[–]RichB93 -1 points0 points ago

Both of those are much better with a partner. :'(

[–]snow_bird 0 points1 point ago

Yes! I build a blanket/couch cushion nest on the floor in front of the fireplace and read. I can't wait!

[–]Whytefang 43 points44 points ago

So not only are you a lonely dick, you make the rest of us have to realize we are too, right?

[–]MrRandomSuperhero 6 points7 points ago

Right.

I'm gonna cry a bit now.

[–]tgt305 45 points46 points ago

At least your arm won't go numb.

[–]DivinePotatoe 40 points41 points ago

It will, but probably for a different reason in his case.

[–]Battletooth 74 points75 points ago

Because he will sit on it so when he masturbates, it feels like someone else is jacking him off.

I personally sit on my dick and make it go numb so it feels like I'm jacking off another guy.

Edit: And sometimes I'll sit on both my dick and my hand. At that point it's just kind of like voyeurism, though.

[–]conkore 9 points10 points ago

Thanks for the upper after all of these downers.

[–]Johnnsc 2 points3 points ago

I believe the second one is referred to as the reverse stranger.

[–]tgt305 3 points4 points ago

A self-circle jerk.

[–]BlazeOrangeDeer 0 points1 point ago

More of a line segment jerk

[–]dyszka4u 2 points3 points ago

The forearm will.

[–]jonesmyster 108 points109 points ago

Ooooh right in the feels.

[–]monkeedude1212 35 points36 points ago

If at first you don't succeed, get a cat.

[–]WeedNHookerSpit 54 points55 points ago

cat allergies = forever alone x 2

[–]bodaciousbilly 34 points35 points ago

Why get a cat anyway, when you can get a dog? A dog will actually love you.

[–]galipso 29 points30 points ago

cat allergies + dog allergies = forever alone x 4

[–]Komkast22 16 points17 points ago

Okay, get a fish.

[–]TrollandDie 27 points28 points ago

Forgets about you every 5 seconds?

Forever alone2

[–]Doctor_Loggins 8 points9 points ago

That myth's been busted.

That said, a fish never really gets to know you. Forever aloneforeveralone

[–]lakk 18 points19 points ago

my fish just swam around and judged me

[–]BlazeOrangeDeer 7 points8 points ago

you air-breathin motherFUCKER

[–]rocketmoose 3 points4 points ago

Fish don't cuddle :(

[–]bodaciousbilly 2 points3 points ago

Aw.

[–]Navi1101 0 points1 point ago

Get a bearded dragon! They are docile and pleasantly textured. ^^

[–]king_m1k3 4 points5 points ago

Dogs will also improve your chances of becoming un-forever alone if you walk them in the park :P

[–]Moikle 3 points4 points ago

if by love you mean slobber/puke/crap all over everything you own, then yes

[–]bodaciousbilly 7 points8 points ago

Only if you don't train it. Same can be said for cats. I knew a dude who had a dog and a cat, and he didn't train either for shit. There was two kinds of shit and piss all over the house, not just one.

[–]Doctor_Loggins 0 points1 point ago

My puppy doesn't crap on any of my shit. Just teach them. Only negligent or poorly-trained owners have these issues.

[–]drjeangrey 3 points4 points ago

I have cat allergies but still have a cat, its hard but the joys she brings me is irreplaceable

[–]Draggedaround 3 points4 points ago

Hairless cat brah!

[–]monkeedude1212 5 points6 points ago

If at second you don't succeed...

Hara-kiri!!!

Aaaaaaarrrrrrgggggghhhhspghspghsgsphsghbbbpppptt

[–]zman0900 0 points1 point ago

Bald cat? Or cat that shaves obsessively?

[–]notCrazyMike 12 points13 points ago

What's the male version of cat lady? Is it cat gentleman? Cause that actually doesn't sound that bad.

[–]moosedance84 0 points1 point ago

Cats are the best way to get pussy.

[–]davesfakeaccount 3 points4 points ago

Done. And then?

[–]Doctor_Loggins 3 points4 points ago

NO AND THEN!

[–]monkeedude1212 3 points4 points ago

Cuddle. With the cat.

[–]Whytefang 15 points16 points ago

You've obviously never owned a cat.

[–]Durpadoo 6 points7 points ago

You've obviously never owned a nice cat.

[–]Nihilophobe 9 points10 points ago

That's a dog.

[–]Whytefang 3 points4 points ago

I've owned 3, and my family has owned 3. They were all nice. None of them cuddled with me.

[–]davesfakeaccount 1 point2 points ago

And then?

[–]AnUchihaDuckling 6 points7 points ago

It hurts to know that that's probably where my life heading.

[–]OldMiner 2 points3 points ago

Cats are easier, but dogs are awesomer. Also, walking dogs is a good way to make friends.

[–]emann43 14 points15 points ago

Over the past few days I had been thinking about how nice it would be to have a gf in my life. Thanks, now I know I'm not alone in being forever alone.

[–]sleeping_sickness 6 points7 points ago

[–]shadowtc91 10 points11 points ago

Haha! California Bitch!

[–]mshm 7 points8 points ago

Haha! California Bitch!

[–]shadowtc91 9 points10 points ago

Haha! California Bitch!

[–]SoGnar92 4 points5 points ago

Haha! California Bitch!

[–]lukeatron 40 points41 points ago

It's funny because you're sad.

[–]GreatValuePlus 12 points13 points ago

HA!

[–]BlazeOrangeDeer 1 point2 points ago

Skoodenfruity. Skooden. Fruity. Skoodenfruity.

[–]x3r0h0ur 10 points11 points ago

hooray?

[–]SethIsInSchool 8 points9 points ago

Ugh. Girlfriend broke up with me. I upvoted you because this is mirroring my heart :( and on a less depressing note, LOL, that stick figure guy should get one of these

[–]rasputine 1 point2 points ago

I'm in the same boat as you. Shitty moods for everyone!

[–]apullin 23 points24 points ago

this reminds me of me

[–]conkore 4 points5 points ago

When I was her age, at my age, I was reminded of her age. When she was my age, she was reminded of me?

[–]slarson802 7 points8 points ago

This is why you get a dog. :]

[–]93dpf 14 points15 points ago

I feel your pain man, i feel it so bad

[–]FayeOfTheLight 4 points5 points ago

I have a pillow pet to cuddle with...Its a dolphin....I named him Tubias so his nickname could be Tubby.

[–]ForgottenFork 3 points4 points ago

Bitch, I make it rain! ...from my eyes. :(

[–]Portalgeist 3 points4 points ago

A girl from work gave me tips today on looking for a new bed.

Don't spend too much on the bed. Soon you'll get a family and then you'll have to get a double bed either way.

I was like, "yeah....... sure I will.... I'll put that into my considerations"

[–]DorkasaurusRex 1 point2 points ago

Not single, but in a long distance relationship. I miss the cuddles :(

[–]TheGurk 15 points16 points ago

Been single for 4 hours now, thats exactly how I'm laying....Fuck.

[–]terapod 12 points13 points ago

I was there a week ago. Sucks like nobody's business. I feel your pain, bro.

[–]namegoeswhere 4 points5 points ago

Fuck! I love this movie, but so did my ex. I've let that bitch steal too many awesome things. That "Home" song by Edward Sharp and the whatevers, Phineas and Ferb, the Muppets, bears, and Russian accents.

Screw this. This weekend I'm taking all that shit back with a 40oz, a couple joints, and a trip to the movie store.

[–]Sqpon 2 points3 points ago

Can I join you

[–]terapod 3 points4 points ago

Man, I am definitely putting that movie on right now. It'll be like the 50th time or so I watch it, but dammit I'll stop watching when I stop laughing! (Which let's be honest will never happen).

[–]2percentright 1 point2 points ago

Yay I'm a llama again!

[–]Agrat 0 points1 point ago

2 weeks checking in. Yep.

[–]WhiteY515 56 points57 points ago

4 whole hours huh? Must be tough

[–]riemannrocker 34 points35 points ago

The be fair... yeah. Breakups aren't the most fun thing.

[–]EJR94 13 points14 points ago

I wouldn't know.

[–]Battletooth 9 points10 points ago

Honestly the first few days seethe are the worst. That's when you get the high low flow of emotions. After a whole while, you can at least come to terms with it and be somewhat used to it, albeit still not fun for everyone.

Edit: wow. Autocorrect really fucked my sentence up.

[–]Ozera 2 points3 points ago

Hey you go: http://thenicestplaceontheinter.net/

Internet still loves you

[–]Sector_Corrupt 0 points1 point ago

I know that feel bro. It'll get better soon enough.

[–]rasputine 0 points1 point ago

Two weeks down this end.

[–]VeryWrongImpression 1 point2 points ago

Don't worry. That feeling will turn into a dull dread over the next 20 years.

[–]savagelaw 0 points1 point ago

You should move some place warm and take all the bitchy little wimps that are surprised about the cold weather just showing up when for some reason you never expected it.....

[–]mermex84 5 points6 points ago

I actually wish I had the bed to myself so I could activate starfish mode, which I can no longer do. Grass is greener.

[–]Battletooth 11 points12 points ago

Starfish mode is too strict for me. I call mine the CSI mode. I lay just like those body outlines. As natural as can be. Usually one leg dangling off the bed.

Then my wife yells at me because I'm suffocating her.

[–]chouffee 1 point2 points ago

Even in my old age with the bed to myself, I will NEVER let my leg dangle off the side of the bed. Never.

[–]VeryWrongImpression 2 points3 points ago

Oh come on, that almost never happens.

[–]Sector_Corrupt 1 point2 points ago

Do you at least get part of the bed? Somehow, even in a double bed, my girlfriend will end up cuddling me right up against the wall to the point where If I accidentally shift there won't actually be room for me anymore between her and the wall. I can't have a bed that doesn't have one half up against the wall or she will cuddle me right out of bed. I am constantly ceding territory to her.

[–]mermex84 4 points5 points ago

We have a queen bed and no, I don't get any space. He is either latching onto me as I inch away, or he himself is in starfish mode. I think this picture sums it up pretty well.

[–]DrDragun 5 points6 points ago

Everyone wants what they don't have. Man cuddling is nice for like 20 minutes but by the time we're firing up the 3rd fucking episode of Bones I want to chew off the arm she's laying on and go play Borderlands 1-handed.

[–]deejaweej 2 points3 points ago

I hear ya, but knowing both sides I'll stick with cuddling. I get way more satisfaction from a good relationship than Borderlands will ever give me.

[–]DrDragun 0 points1 point ago

Of course, I didn't intend it to be a dichotomy. Life is about balance.

[–]septagon 0 points1 point ago

This is how I feel too. Not too long ago at all it was 2am and I had woken up from the unbearable million degree furnace that was sleeping with my SO. Her hair was in my face and my arm was asleep from the socket down. It tool every ounce of self control to not go insane and I literally stayed that way for a good hour suffering before I fell back asleep. And you know what? Every night since we broke up I want that back.

[–]Quoonit 3 points4 points ago

*Hooray?

[–]phantasmicorgasmic 0 points1 point ago

Ah fuck it's cuffing season again.

[–]novakainer 1 point2 points ago

Well that was depressing....I'm out

[–]CynicallyObservant 1 point2 points ago

upvote for breaking my heart

[–]Lord_Fluffykins 0 points1 point ago

More like "My right arm is so fucking asleep right now".

[–]bledolikiq 1 point2 points ago

No need to rub it in, jeez...

[–]BuzzBomber87 0 points1 point ago

I'm right there with you. =\

[–]Elipsys 0 points1 point ago

At first I thought the pillow was like a super-deformed left arm.

[–]super_sen 0 points1 point ago

As a male, I approve of the use of one of these:

http://dyn-images.hsni.com/is/image/HomeShoppingNetwork/960134?$pd300$

[–]gattofila 0 points1 point ago

Pillows need love too.

[–]ForeverADrum 1 point2 points ago

My life :(

[–]oldsecondhand -1 points0 points ago

Get a cat.

[–]conkore 0 points1 point ago

Just reminded me of someone other than myself, who could it be

[–]Sgt_Patman 0 points1 point ago

Repost

[–]academix 1 point2 points ago

This thread is making me think that reddit needs a Forever Alone/SAP dating subreddit.

With all the comments of people being depressed, why not unite under the banner of depression and support each other!

[–]HIFW_GIFs_React_ 0 points1 point ago

[–]Pubgamer 0 points1 point ago

There's blood on that window...

[–]aroxion -1 points0 points ago

Not in Australia! :D

[–]logosfabula 0 points1 point ago

Oh I thought 'bout it today, how I thought about it.

[–]rent4l 0 points1 point ago

As a man that was left by the girl of his dreams last Sunday, this just hits me...

[–]RzK 0 points1 point ago

I actually like rainy weather... not because im deep and emotional but because the air is fresh and warmth is sooo nice

[–]CTDiesel 1 point2 points ago

In going on nearly two months after my SO left me. This hits right in the gut very hard. I miss her terribly. Sucks she waited barely two weeks after leaving me to run into another mans arms. Man, if she only knew what I've learned and how different it would be if she came back....she would never leave again....

[–]sngx1275 0 points1 point ago

Very similar to me, need to get a throwaway for posts like this so I can put in details. Upvotes for you cause it sucks man.

[–]lakk 0 points1 point ago

It was raining today where I live, and is still pretty cloudy and cold. You have my Feels

[–]MathewMurdock 0 points1 point ago

You gotta get you some bitches.

[–]brussels4breakfast 0 points1 point ago

Good thing I don't like to cuddle.

[–]buttonforest 0 points1 point ago

Rainy days are for books and soup.

[–]rameku 0 points1 point ago

Yep...birthday alone...anniversary gone (getting divorced)...thanksgiving alone...Christmas alone...New Years probably alone...whee...

[–]Volun 0 points1 point ago

How do I cuddle with the weather?

[–]loveandbaseketball 0 points1 point ago

sad masturbation weather

[–]thewolf23 0 points1 point ago

ha oh man now im sad...

[–]AlecTheGreat94 0 points1 point ago

Just do what I do: Cuddle your pillow.

[–]TheGrogsMachine -1 points0 points ago

did a fly take a shit on your window

[–]t0werofbab3l 0 points1 point ago

I too am forever alone :/

[–]BigBearSac 0 points1 point ago

Yay, it's raining... on my heart. :C

[–]farmthis 0 points1 point ago

Pillows need cuddling too... I hope.

[–]bluemirror 0 points1 point ago

so true

[–]defimeshun 0 points1 point ago

Cuddle weather? It's still 85 degrees where I live. Damn global warming.

[–]januspl 0 points1 point ago

This is Vancouver's winter. Lots of cuddling.

[–]goodgoodvibes 0 points1 point ago

Last night was the last night I cuddled with my boyfriend who just moved out today across the country for his job. Right in the feels.

[–]SomeFrenchGuy 0 points1 point ago

That isn't cuddle weather. That, my friends, is gaming weather.

[–]100pic 0 points1 point ago

This hit me right in the feels.

[–]TheGreatPunkin 1 point2 points ago

[–]hershay 0 points1 point ago

[–]lannielan 0 points1 point ago

Newly single so this is what I'm kind of scared about. Not saying that I always need a guy in my life but my relationship was for 3 years. And so it's going to be the first time in 3 years where I'm going to be alone...and abroad. :(

[–]wanderer11 0 points1 point ago

Well what's your idea of abroad? I will happily fill you cuddling need if you are nearby.

[–]moosedance84 0 points1 point ago

Australian here, so its getting to the too hot to cuddle time. End up running to turn on the AC and chilling for an hour before you can do much.

[–]BoColdBlooded 0 points1 point ago

Or, you know, hooray.

[–]romulusnr 0 points1 point ago

This is me except put my gf on the other side of the bed. FBM

[–]dumpnuggets 0 points1 point ago

This disappointed me, I was expecting the forever alone meme

[–]Eymou 0 points1 point ago

Upvote for not using forever alone face.

[–]sharmunga 0 points1 point ago

I know this feel.

[–]Redcard911 0 points1 point ago

It's that time of year again, to see this reposted at least 10 times with slight variations.

[–]greenspank34 0 points1 point ago

where can I add captions to these photos?

[–]Shurtugil 0 points1 point ago

A book can be as good as a friend.

[–]CaptainSlippery 0 points1 point ago

Damnit! I came here to laugh! Laugh damn you... That's hitting me in the bad feels.

[–]oily_hands 0 points1 point ago

Right in the feels :(

[–]RalarenOTC 0 points1 point ago

Welp. It's about time to cuddle up to my vibrator. With my lady parts.

[–]KrimsonTide 0 points1 point ago

Is it a little gay to say I absolutely love cuddling...?

[–]sharkbait_oohaha 0 points1 point ago

I'm dating a girl that hates cuddling.

I fucking love cuddling. I'm a 6'6" teddy bear. I am designed for this. Let me fulfill my purpose.

[–]DirtyWhoreMouth 0 points1 point ago

I want to hug you :(

[–]mbit 0 points1 point ago

As for me, i'm at 10+ years with no one to cuddle with, in the winter, or otherwise. Time to sleep too much, and drag myself around.

[–]Bishopkilljoy 1 point2 points ago

You never truly appreciate how much being single sucks until your single for more than 2 years with friends who aren't

[–]catslikecatnip 0 points1 point ago

Every time I see a status saying anything like "cuddle weather", I see "cold weather makes me horny"....

[–]me2224 0 points1 point ago

I have seen this before

[–]Brett42 0 points1 point ago

Low glare weather.

[–]ca1couture 0 points1 point ago

Awwww :( I know that feel. You can come cuddle with my kitties and I!

[–]cptjmshook 0 points1 point ago

I believe the word you're looking for is "hooray".