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741
742

thick sausage, anyone? [FB] (i.imgur.com)

submitted ago by stephz491

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[–]OccasionalAsshole 393 points394 points ago

Out of all the things that never happened, this never happened the most.

[–]Chris_E 83 points84 points ago

When delivering pizza I heard a lot of "large sausage" jokes by customers who imagined they were witty.

[–]AFewSecondsAgoDouche 15 points16 points ago

They were probably just cracking wise at a level they imagined someone intelligent enough to end up as a pizza delivery boy would understand.

[–]Chris_E 12 points13 points ago

Ouch... but this is generally true. I was only there for a short while because I was between jobs. There were a few people there who were lifer's, and this was the best job most of them could get. (In CA you get tips, plus minimum wage.)

And to give you an idea of what rewards lifers get... the manager only made $16/hr.

[–]esidaraplas 10 points11 points ago

most pizza delivery drivers I know sell drugs as well...

[–]Chris_E 10 points11 points ago

No one at my store sold any, that I could tell. There was one old stoner guy who had a medical marijuana card, and only worked one day a week to get the discount... that's the closest we had to a dealer.

[–]SeekretSquirrel 8 points9 points ago

Most drug dealers I know sell pizza.

[–]CurveballSI 3 points4 points ago

And exactly how many pizza delivery drivers do you know?

[–]Idiofyia 2 points3 points ago

As someone who as worked in several pizza stores, I can confirm that at there is always at least one drug dealing driver per store.

[–]Idiofyia 0 points1 point ago

Generally, but not necessarily true. At the pizza place I work, we have a psychology graduate student, a premed student, and an engineering student. Of course, we have our fair share of "typical" delivery drivers, but not everyone here is stupid.

Our assistant managers make ~$10/hr, drivers make ~$8/hr + tip (usually $15/hr after deductions for gas money), and the manager is the owner, so he makes a pretty decent amount. All things considered, for people who enjoy driving and don't have the necessary skill set to get a "career", pizza delivery is one of the best jobs one can get.

[–]Chris_E 0 points1 point ago

I'd say it's > 99% true for lifers though.

[–]AFewSecondsAgoDouche -5 points-4 points ago

:D

[–]Big_Greeno 8 points9 points ago

Jeez, it couldn't just be a part time job while they were going to college, could it you elitist prick?

[–]cuteintern 1 point2 points ago

"Oh hey, that's MY pizza!" - Every person ever, who sees the pizza guy/gal but didn't order pizza.

Every. Person. Ever.

[–]NoOneLovesMe 9 points10 points ago

Definitely not. My friend posted this word for word as well. He is not a Redditor either.

[–]jumpinjahosafa 3 points4 points ago

One time in jewelry design class, me and a buddy were cutting out paper bracelets for ourselves. We had to measure how big our wrists are around so that we could cut out the correct size bracelet. My buddy asks the teacher for help because his bracelet wasn't fitting properly. The teacher comes over, measures his wrist, and says "Looks like you're about 7 inches." My friend looks he dead in the eye and says "Yes, but how long should my bracelet be?"

I died laughing, and lucky for him the teacher either didn't pick up on the joke or just ignored it completely and went on about their business. It was great.

[–]RockFerrit 3 points4 points ago

It is also a repost. DOUBLE WAMMY

[–]Yoyo8 1 point2 points ago

But the Internet..blah, blah..no lie.

[–]croagunk 1 point2 points ago

And them it was reposted again and again and again.

[–]LouSpudol 1 point2 points ago

I have seen variations of this probably once a week.

[–]wbeavis 0 points1 point ago

60% of the time, every time.

[–]Narcoat 0 points1 point ago

I like how he probably thought that up, and even though the terminology "thick" and "you have" referring to the order they don't have when giving it to them did not actually work, they decided "I'll tell the internet I had a witty innuendo and nobody will be the wiser"

[–]bcarle -1 points0 points ago

No it's to differentiate from, you know... thin sausage... fuck I think it's bullshit.

[–]Narcoat 0 points1 point ago

No, the terminology in general, thick and thin, is unlikely to be used. They'd use something like Heavy, Light, Single, Double, Triple to determine the amount of sausage.

[–]bcarle 0 points1 point ago

Yeah I was being sarcastic, I thought the ellipses were pretty clear haha, no one would ever say this.

[–]Narcoat 1 point2 points ago

Ah yeah, wasn't sure.

[–]CoyoteStark -1 points0 points ago

Says the guy who reposted this comment.

[–]kunoburesu 0 points1 point ago

I like to pretend it did.

[–]YossarianPrime -5 points-4 points ago

You know, this is still a funny and insightful comment.

[–]Nebakanezzer 81 points82 points ago

allllll aboard the train to neverfuckinghappenedville

[–]MindlessDreamer 12 points13 points ago

Departs in ...oh, yesterday.

[–]randomarc 6 points7 points ago

All my troubles seemed so faaaar away..

[–]aaybma 2 points3 points ago

CHOO CHOO

[–]BranchDavidian 0 points1 point ago

Any story on reddit that includes, "then I looked her square in the eyes and said... (some euphemism/crazy lie)" never happened.

[–]mrnoells 45 points46 points ago

/r/iam14andthisisfunny

[–]Kinomi 23 points24 points ago

Oh man, this is soooooooo original.

I've never seen this 50 times before

[–]iLuVtiffany 15 points16 points ago

I could never come up with something like this on the spot. It always comes like 5 minutes later on the drive home.

[–]jasonskjonsby 52 points53 points ago

You might try reposting. That way you don't have to make your own jokes.

[–]iLuVtiffany 0 points1 point ago

I'm not talking about the joke itself. Stuff you come up with on the spot in situations like this.

Although I have had a lot of fun from jokes that get posted around the internets.

Like the other day I tried that going to the grocery thing and buying only these items to confuse the teller. I bought two 1/2 watermelons and super glue. Hardest thing I've ever done trying to keep a straight face while the teller was looking at me confused as fuck. I've also tried a cucumber and lube.

[–]jasonskjonsby 2 points3 points ago

I get it. I am just tired of this same joke reposted three times in the last month. I know it isn't yours but I was hoping this might prevent someone from posting this joke a fourth time.

[–]the_right_stuff 0 points1 point ago

ಠ_ಠ

[–]jsr1693 -2 points-1 points ago

I found this hilarious. Bravo.

[–]youregonnaloveme 2 points3 points ago

To be fair, he didn't come up with it on the spot.

[–]iLuVtiffany -1 points0 points ago

But some people can. Just on the spot come up with something witty/funny to say. I am not one of those people.

[–]Downvotes_Facebook 12 points13 points ago

Leave it on Facebook

[–]Captainpanda55 3 points4 points ago

Great find OP. Really.

[–]kemdog 3 points4 points ago

reposted for the 600th time

[–]mudmagic 1 point2 points ago

reposts!

[–]theblackdart 0 points1 point ago

Jequan is laughing his ass off because of Richie!

[–]MustacheMax 0 points1 point ago

Lies!

[–]wearecareful 0 points1 point ago

I worked in a Potbelly Sandwich shop and a customer walked up and yelled, "Hot Italian" and I replied, "actually, I'm Irish."

[–]DrunkHippos 0 points1 point ago

Assassination of a high school president?

[–]supersharp 0 points1 point ago

Funny. Too bad it's a repost.

[–]AuthorCook 0 points1 point ago

All I can picture is Thunderball-era Sean Connery.

[–]what_comes_after_q 0 points1 point ago

So, what the fuck kind of pizza place has the option of "thick"? I've never, in my 25 years of life, seen a pizza place that offers "thick" as an option. Pizza places will do thick crust, but that's then the kind of pizza they'll make. There is no option there.

[–]Herpdederperson 0 points1 point ago

Fucking repost

[–]eristicrat 0 points1 point ago

Is school out or something? Jesus this sucks.

[–]mjbstd17 -1 points0 points ago

LMAO-single-handedly sours FB for me

[–]mjbstd17 0 points1 point ago

someone really likes to laugh their ass off...

[–]TalkativeTree 0 points1 point ago

I bet that person stole that joke from reddit.

[–]koeselitzz 0 points1 point ago

"I'd like one thick pizza, please."

[–]Febrifuge 0 points1 point ago

"And that, kids, is the story of how I met your mother."

[–]LeCrushinator 0 points1 point ago

Somebody doesn't realize that MS Paint offers different pencil thickness settings...

[–]wannabree 0 points1 point ago

My husband and I were on vacation in Florida, and were having dinner at a small mom 'n pop type restaurant. We had both ordered smothered chicken breasts. When the waitress brought them to the table she said,"Two smothered breasts?" To which my husband replied, "Yes, Please!" She turned beet red, spun on her heel and walked away laughing.

[–]onedavester 0 points1 point ago

you wish you said..

[–]writergeek 0 points1 point ago

And then she spit in your pizza and laughed about it with her co-workers. Because they don't get paid enough to put up with every seemingly hilarious, but utterly lame sausage joke.

[–]person92000 0 points1 point ago

NOT FUNNY.

Also, Fake.

Also, no one cares about your stupid facebook screen capture.

[–]cuteintern 0 points1 point ago

From the cut table, a guy I worked with once said "I've got a large sausage and no box to put it in!"

We had a good laugh that day.

[–]bibowski 0 points1 point ago

Who orders pizza in person?

[–]OMGwtfballs 0 points1 point ago

I take it you were blocking out all the personal information in the middle of an earthquake....

[–]Ayumu7 0 points1 point ago

First post to make me laugh in a while, +1

[–]MrDoubleE -1 points0 points ago

hah...

[–]CynicalPineapple 1 point2 points ago

I have a feeling that joke is older than the creation of the pizza pie.

[–]Ragnalypse -5 points-4 points ago

Le gem level: facebook

DAE like recycled jokes?

[–]InternetDenizen -3 points-2 points ago

Ctrl+f "le gem"

Mind=Blown

Le faith in humanity=restored

[–]SoMuchTimeWasted -2 points-1 points ago

This has got to be some porn opening sequence.

[–]gtfb96 8 points9 points ago

There was a video on /r/porn of a guy fucking a girl through a pizza.

[–]drawingdead0 8 points9 points ago

I saw that. I wasn't even aroused. I was just... fascinated.

[–]SoMuchTimeWasted 6 points7 points ago

This sounds like it would not be fun for the penis.

[–]BringerDowner 1 point2 points ago

There is an entire site dedicated to this sexual premise.

[–]ANAL_QUEEN 0 points1 point ago

Link? For science?

[–]tattedspyder 1 point2 points ago

Do a search for "big sausage pizza". Tons of those videos. Think Brazzers actually does them.

[–]BringerDowner 0 points1 point ago

You maam, or weirdly named sir, make me feel very very old.

[–]ANAL_QUEEN 0 points1 point ago

I don't know about that, I'm 24.

[–]writesomethingwitty 0 points1 point ago

Twist: The only way that question makes sense is if Richie asked for a thick sausage when ordering.

[–]LokiAlpha -1 points0 points ago

Actually, all the people saying this didn't happen couldn't be more wrong. People who work at pizza joints usually have a very humorous outtake on their job, and will actually do this on purpose, insinuating the innuendos. At least at every store in my area.

Source: I'm a manager at Papa John's

[–]cozy_smug_cunt 0 points1 point ago

Expect when ordering types of pizza, you usually have thin, hand tossed, pan, etc. and small, medium, large. I've never seen or ordered a "thick" pizza

[–]ANAL_QUEEN -1 points0 points ago

Your parents must be so proud.

[–]Dontreadusername 4 points5 points ago

Yours too anal queen... yours too... ;)

[–]d0m1n4t0r -1 points0 points ago

Yeah I'm sure this happened not

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]Rountree85 1 point2 points ago

Why would you upvote this garbage?

[–]ArthurDigbyS -1 points0 points ago

It's funny because a sausage is shaped like a penis!!!!!111!!!11!!111onehundredeleven!11

[–]DONT_SWEDDIT -4 points-3 points ago

The joke was that he doesn't have a thick sausage right?

[–]jsr1693 -1 points0 points ago

you got this. you can figure it out. don't worry so much man.

[–]DONT_SWEDDIT 0 points1 point ago

I'm just bullshitting. It's a pretty obvious joke

[–]jsr1693 0 points1 point ago

no shit, I understood the username. apparently no one else gets it.

[–]DONT_SWEDDIT -1 points0 points ago

Username has nothing to do with it...

[–]professorex -2 points-1 points ago

What, how can you have "thick" sausage pizza? Isn't pizza sausage pretty standard? Thick crust as opposed to thin crust? But that's just regular...

[–]Tkcatch 0 points1 point ago

I would imagine it was supposed to be thick crust. In my area it's called double dough.

[–]FreeSquirrel -4 points-3 points ago

You hero.

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