this post was submitted on
627 points (53% like it)
4,846 up votes 4,219 down votes
shortlink:

funny

subscribe2,609,648 readers

12,937 users here now

Please take our newest poll about facebook posts

Reminder: Political posts are not permitted in /r/funny. Try /r/PoliticalHumor instead!

NEW! No gore or porn (including sexually graphic images). Other NSFW content must be tagged as such

Welcome to r/Funny:

You may only post if you are funny.

Please No:

  • posts with their sole purpose being to communicate with another redditor. Click for an Example.

  • Screenshots of reddit comment threads. Post a link with context to /r/bestof or /r/defaultgems if from a default subreddit instead.

  • Posts for the specific point of it being your reddit birthday.

  • Politics - This includes the 2012 Presidential candidates or bills in congress. Try /r/politicalhumor instead.

  • Rage comics - Go to /r/fffffffuuuuuuuuuuuu instead.

  • Memes - Go to /r/AdviceAnimals or /r/Memes instead.

  • Demotivational posters - Go to /r/Demotivational instead.

  • Pictures of just text - Make a self post instead.

  • DAE posts - Go to /r/doesanybodyelse

  • eCards - the poll result was 55.02% in favor of removal. Please submit eCards to /r/ecards

  • URL shorteners - No link shorteners (or HugeURL) in either post links or comments. They will be deleted regardless of intent.

Rehosted webcomics will be removed. Please submit a link to the original comic's site and preferably an imgur link in the comments. Do not post a link to the comic image, it must be linked to the page of the comic. (*) (*)

Need more? Check out:

Still need more? See Reddit's best / worst and offensive joke collections (warning: some of those jokes are offensive / nsfw!).

Please DO NOT post personal information. This includes anything hosted on Facebook's servers, as they can be traced to the original account holder.

If your submission appears to be banned, please don't just delete it as that makes the filter hate you! Instead please send us a message with a link to the post. We'll unban it and it should get better. Please allow 10 minutes for the post to appear before messaging moderators

The moderators of /r/funny reserve the right to moderate posts and comments at their discretion, with regard to their perception of the suitability of said posts and comments for this subreddit. Thank you for your understanding.

CSS - BritishEnglishPolice ©2011

a community for
to anything interesting: news article, blog entry, video, picture...
message the moderators

MODERATORS

reddit is a source for what's new and popular online. vote on links that you like or dislike and help decide what's popular, or submit your own! learn more ›

626
627

When my brother texts me saying that he's bringing 2 girls over, and one is for me. (imgur.com)

submitted ago by Derpster123

all 151 comments
sorted by:
best
best
top
new
hot
controversial
old

[–]Ehhhhhhhhhh 378 points379 points ago

This post does not deserve to be this successful.

[–]Rapemyassholeplease 61 points62 points ago

Ehhhhhhhhhh you're right

[–]InternetRevocator 13 points14 points ago

Why did I just upvote rape?

[–]jsellout 0 points1 point ago

You didn't. It's not rape if they say please.

[–]Juandough 107 points108 points ago

So, it's your turn to baby sit their kids?

LOL

[–]GolfingGator 9 points10 points ago

This post reminds me of the episode of Friends where Ross thought he was going on a date but the woman really just wanted him to babysit her kid.

[–]Derpster123[S] 5 points6 points ago

http://i1.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/003/617/okayguy.jpg

[–]ellatheevil 161 points162 points ago

This is really disturbing..

[–]hampockets 29 points30 points ago

Agreed. Also seems odd that OP makes it sound like it is a reoccurring thing between him and his brother. How often can this happen!?

[–]SpruceCaboose 0 points1 point ago

How often can it happen? As many times as you go out to pick up women. The question should be IMO "how often should this be happening?"

[–]That_Deaf_Guy 0 points1 point ago

I've tagged you as "Poop Forensic"... dude. wtf?

[–]SpruceCaboose 1 point2 points ago

I believe that would be because of a post a little while ago about a gay couple having hateful epithets written on their porch. Someone said it looked like it was written with human shit, but I stated (I believe correctly) that it looked a lot more like crimson/brownish paint and not poop.

At least, that is to my knowledge the only poop related post I have here.

[–]That_Deaf_Guy 3 points4 points ago

Heh, whatever you say, you ARE the poop forensic after all!

[–]SpruceCaboose 1 point2 points ago

I just went though my history. That's got to be it. I must say, I am much more pleased than I should be that someone thought me worthy of a tag.

[–]digital_chef 1 point2 points ago

you are now tagged: "tag-worthy-humble-dude(tte)"

[–]SpruceCaboose 1 point2 points ago

You got yourself a tag as well!

[–]digital_chef 2 points3 points ago

sweet

[–]That_Deaf_Guy 0 points1 point ago

Hey, tags are free and you were quite logical then... why not? :D

[–]SpruceCaboose 0 points1 point ago

Oh no, I am not complaining. I find it oddly validating of the time I waste here. And yeah, as long as the tag isn't pointing out all the stupid I say, all the better!

[–]blueboybob 202 points203 points ago

"for you"?

Did he buy them and now he owns them?

[–]ItsMeMasih 45 points46 points ago

Yes, he bought them, owns them, and now stores them in a binder.

[–]Solid364 38 points39 points ago

Can this be old now, please?

[–]SpruceCaboose 15 points16 points ago

Nope. It's only been a couple days. You have to give it at least a week to fully beat it into the ground, then another two weeks to completely forget it happened.

[–]Ikimasen 9 points10 points ago

And just when you think it's dead, nope, Chuck Testa.

[–]ItsMeMasih 8 points9 points ago

Fine, I'll file this away in my binder and never bring it up again...

[–]IMMATURE_COCKSUCKER 1 point2 points ago

Shut your hipster face

[–]Hadrius -2 points-1 points ago

You do know there were actual binders of potential high-profile women employees given to Romney by a women's rights group focused on getting more women into important positions in politics, right?

[–]norsethunders 1 point2 points ago

Well yeah, they were having a buy one get one sale, he was just trying to be considerate towards his brother; jeez! ;)

[–]DickMoveAdam 1 point2 points ago

My brother never buys me women... :(

[–]motortheboats -1 points0 points ago

Don't tell me you've never ordered a russian bride...

[–]dyn4mo 0 points1 point ago

"Jump on the grenade brah"

[–]gordo1893 9 points10 points ago

That is Donny Shankle, he is very strong.

[–]cleti 2 points3 points ago

Donny Shankle is bigger than you. Ain't nobody got no business making fun of the Shankle Shuffle.

[–]VicYesterday 58 points59 points ago

So...what's it like being 14?

[–]giantjerk 12 points13 points ago

Masturbation... constant masturbation. So about the same as being 30.

[–]mesaone 3 points4 points ago

It's probably nice. I would be 14 again if I could

[–]ecto1ajon 64 points65 points ago

Do you have any idea how creepy you sound?

[–]rawrc 24 points25 points ago

Whenever your brother brings girls over you stop lifting? OK...

[–]asshatnowhere 3 points4 points ago

well yeah. do you even lift?

[–]slapadastic -2 points-1 points ago

And start making an excuse that you can't be with the girl because you are gay?

[–]That_Deaf_Guy -1 points0 points ago

No, slapadastic, not everyone does what you once did.

[–]EverChillingLucifer 96 points97 points ago

Because when a girl tags along with her friend and the guy she just met, she's obviously up for sex and belongs to you now.

Okay...

[–]Karnadas 28 points29 points ago

I've seen it before where two girls go somewhere, a guy tries to make a move on one and they agree that the girls will head back if the second girl gets her own guy. In this case, OP is the 2nd girl's guy. Doesn't mean he owns him, just means that OP is helping his brother get laid by being the 2nd girl's company.

[–]ScottReynolds 10 points11 points ago

Yeah... Seen it. Wants her other friend as back up, her friend doesn't want to be bored. Like a spontaneous blind date? Does not imply anyone is getting laid. Implies someone has to entertain. Word choice, though, guys. C'mon.

[–]SpruceCaboose 7 points8 points ago

It also is usually for safety. If you don't know the guys well, you want a second in case some weird shit happens.

It really is a decent idea to have the buddy system in place when going to new places, especially after drinking or things like that.

[–]ScottReynolds 0 points1 point ago

For damn sure this is a fact.

[–]SpruceCaboose 3 points4 points ago

I know when I go somewhere new or different, I prefer not to be alone. And I am a big dude, so I can only imagine how smaller or less able-to-defend-themself people (especially females) feel.

[–]ScottReynolds 0 points1 point ago

Scrappy / wiry dude here. Often go places alone, have been fucked with before. Group efforts are the safest not just physically but mentally. Had a bad feeling the other day, took a bottle of mace with me to the bars. Got jumped, they got maced. Wind blew; I got maced. My advice? Travel with a buddy. Carrying self defense can turn out badly. Anyone can be creepers, too. One of my friends, she likes to take people home when she's drunk. Some guy started talking shit to her, that she would not fuck him. She caved. Woke up, he had robbed the house. Glad I moved out of that house. Isn't the first time this had happened; and she's a sweet girl, great in bed, endearing, kind, intelligent. My point is shitty things can happen to anyone. She was out alone that night. Take a buddy, even just to help with asshole checks.

Edit; also, trust your bad feelings. Han solo should have proven this to all of us. They've never lead me wrong; either you're prepared or pleasantly surprised.

[–]SpruceCaboose 0 points1 point ago

Holy shit. That is major bad news. Glad that everyone is ok now, but man, like I tell my wife, just be cautious. Better to be a "downer" at a party by playing it safe than being a Jane/John Doe because you didn't listen to that little voice in your head.

Be safe though, and it was a pleasure having this discussion with you!

[–]Gzus666 0 points1 point ago

It sounds like shitty things happen to her cause she makes bad decisions. Who the fuck gets insulted into fucking someone? Jesus, someone has no self esteem.

[–]Sryzon 10 points11 points ago

It's usually referred to as hooking up. Strangers meet at clubs, bars, or parties and have sex afterwards. Yes, even women openly seek out unconditional sex, too. Shocker, huh?

[–]digital_chef 4 points5 points ago

i'm sometimes surprised too at the seemingly contradictory competing puritanical and raunchy stances taken on reddit

[–]I_Said 3 points4 points ago

No no. Someone said something about hooking up, and now we all have to act like indignant whiners because clearly OP meant "My brother is bringing me women against their will for me to rape".

Clearly.

[–]ScottReynolds 0 points1 point ago

Not a shocker at all. Very human. Edit: was aware of your sarcasm, and agreeing with you.

[–]gm4 5 points6 points ago

You know, these things happen normally, and believe it or not girls can say the same thing about guys. get over it.

[–]russellisyellow -4 points-3 points ago

YAY REDDIT MISOGYNY!!!

[–]saiph 18 points19 points ago

Wait, this is a thing that actually happens? wtf.

[–]_Toranaga_ 4 points5 points ago

Yeah, usually it's more like "Hey, I'm meeting this girl at the bar tonight, and you need to come make sure her friend has a good time, because I want the girl I'm meeting to not get dragged away by a bored girlfriend."

It is really douchey to say one is "for" somebody though...

[–]MajorStainz 0 points1 point ago

I've had similar things happen, but definitely not from my brother.

[–]RevProtocol 1 point2 points ago

Does this actually happen? Am I living the wrong lifestyle?

[–]Cassiel23 31 points32 points ago

For me? This whole binder full of girls?

[–]Golemfrost 15 points16 points ago

wohh wohh wohh guys, maybe the OP is from a part of the world where women don´t have the same status they have in the west. Maybe his brother is bringing over 2 girls, purchased for a camel and 2 bottles of milk,...food for thoughts

[–]croagunk 16 points17 points ago

Spoiler: OP is a fag

[–]papavoikos 3 points4 points ago

http://i.imgur.com/WMQnp.gif

[–]SaltFrog 5 points6 points ago

He's bringing you home the "didn't want to be alone" beastly best friend. Enjoy that.

[–]Gonoan 0 points1 point ago

I don't have a brother. Do they often bring girls over for the other one? i want my sex life and my family life separate.

[–]I_Said 6 points7 points ago

A lot of whining in this thread.

It's not all that uncommon for someone to bring a pair of men or women over, join another friend, and see if they hit it off.

It's not like he bought them in Dubai. Christ, people.

[–]SourCreamWater 5 points6 points ago

"Here's yours, Brodog. What are you gonna do with it, Brahsicle?"

[–]InnOfAsians 4 points5 points ago

When you find out what she looks like.

[–]McClapyohands 6 points7 points ago

White Knights inbound! Defend the internet woman from "ownership"

[–]BenMurphy3000 0 points1 point ago

This is incredibly specific.

[–]disharmonia 4 points5 points ago

"For you"? What, like he stopped by Dairy Queen and got two milkshakes and one is "for you"?

Hate to be the one to break this to you, but women are (gasp) people.

[–]LovecraftInBrooklyn 1 point2 points ago

I do believe that was not the intention, however I do agree it was a poor choice on wordage.

I think he was expressing a situation of "Hey brother, I want to exchange pleastries with this spectacular woman, but she is currently with the company of another lady. I am inviting both over to our humble mansion, where you can entertain the other friend with your exciting stories and charm."

Or perhaps his brother was talking up OP's amazing weightlifting skills, and she was very interested in watching him do a little celebratory shuffle afterwards. And she was only coming along for the ride "for him".

[–]topsykret7444 0 points1 point ago

It's so sexy! I can't stop watching! lol

[–]ghokane 0 points1 point ago

goto reactiongifs

[–]rtillaree 0 points1 point ago

+1 for the simple fact that you went Shankle on the image - "...ripping the head off a god-damned lion"

[–]JakalDX 1 point2 points ago

My friends do that sometime. Unfortunately, the way my brain works, I just think I'll probably just fuck it up.

[–]ldooks 0 points1 point ago

Donny Shankle!

[–]ryanbillya 1 point2 points ago

Is that suppose to be the girl he is bringing over, or him?

[–]Rapejelly 0 points1 point ago

I did not know Rob Schneider was a weightlifter

[–]chilly-fries 0 points1 point ago

Watching this while listing to start of stupid girls. Best mix ever

[–]MAVP -1 points0 points ago

Sounds like he got her from Romney's binder.

[–]meowsef_stalin 0 points1 point ago

Thought this was gonna be that Buster Bluthe gif

[–]netarangi 0 points1 point ago

Thread's full of forever alone virgins.

Holy shit

[–]Sil369 0 points1 point ago

did anyone else think of carlton when they saw this? or just me...

[–]vennamn 1 point2 points ago

I get it: you stop jerking and dance around while you wait

[–]merstudio 1 point2 points ago

That's not a very pretty girl.

[–]Smokiemcpot18 -1 points0 points ago

Am I the only one that finds this hilarious? Granted, very gay like dancing. But if he did that as a joke... Priceless. I don't know how he kept a straight face. I feel like all of you are talking shit, because none of you would say a thing in person. Look at that motherfucker! He's huge!

[–]cleti 1 point2 points ago

That is Donny Shankle. He did that dance because he just set a PWA record.

[–]fdsauiofjsd -3 points-2 points ago

We're talking shit because we're talking about the title, not the gif.

[–]vonralls 1 point2 points ago

The video is better: http://californiastrength.com/videos/viewvideo/91/big-lifts-motivational-prs/208kg-clean-and-jerk-donny-sets-new-pwa-record

[–]OrangeDoors -1 points0 points ago

Man, what a golden standard of living you must have.

[–]jivebronie 2 points3 points ago

SHANKLE!

[–]parasocks 0 points1 point ago

You're treating women like objects.

Just don't forget to aim for the face.

[–]ThereGoesYourKarma 0 points1 point ago

See username

[–]silent_p -1 points0 points ago

Gee, why am I playing the theme song from Criminal Minds in my head all of a sudden?

[–]micahshell 1 point2 points ago

You'll be getting the ugly one.

[–]ColaLover 1 point2 points ago

how do you know she will have sex with you? what if you creep her out or she is not interested in you..

[–]JSF16 -5 points-4 points ago

"One is for you."? What is this, THE FUCKING SLAVE TRADE?

[–]kvotaw -2 points-1 points ago

Don't know why this is downvoted. It's fucking true.

[–]Scampjock 1 point2 points ago

You and your brother sound like a pair of rohypnol using rapists. "Ah got one for ya, she tied up real good in the back of the van".

[–]Yes_Im_Stalking_You 0 points1 point ago

Was not expecting that.

[–]Nomedboy 0 points1 point ago

Dat Ass!!

[–]KazakTheSpaceDog -1 points0 points ago

Yup, this is what reddit has become. I hope you are all happy now.

[–]hamdinger 0 points1 point ago

Wouldn't that be the girl's decision, whether or not she's "for you?"

[–]evange -2 points-1 points ago

One is not "for you". Women are not something you can own, and as such are not something you can gift to another person.

[–]ramo805 0 points1 point ago

Oh thanks for clarification, I'm pretty sure he's gone his whole life thinking women are property. /s

[–]bic_flicker 0 points1 point ago

Not in your country of residence, anyway.

[–]pungkow -5 points-4 points ago

You should ask him to bring you entire binders of girls. Apparently that works for some people.

[–]Tater_Man 0 points1 point ago

Thats donny shankle, the man with the voice

[–]IUpVoteRandomCrap -4 points-3 points ago

Twist: It's the grenade

[–]ChouPigu -2 points-1 points ago

I'm sorry, Michael.

[–]EasilyTurnedOn -4 points-3 points ago

You act like a homosexual?

[–]vinetari -2 points-1 points ago

you stop weight lifting and dance?

[–]hineyodor -2 points-1 points ago

Does your brother attend the playa hatas ball anually? Awesome gif by the way

[–]IrishPub -1 points0 points ago

Looks like Hyde from that 70's show.

[–]oldguardisdead 0 points1 point ago

MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE, etc.

[–]bunsofcheese -3 points-2 points ago

If you do that dance in front of her you might not get her....

personally, I think it's awfully cute but, then again, I'm gay.

[–]SplodeyDope -1 points0 points ago

It's like when your room mate gets home and says "Hey Wendy's gave me an extra burger, you can have it." :D

[–]Alpa_Cino -3 points-2 points ago

You're getting the ugly one.

[–]k8thedinosaur -4 points-3 points ago

I'm hoping it ends up something like this.

[–]tsuto 0 points1 point ago

My first thought when I saw the title

[–]dayvieee -4 points-3 points ago

I... I... don't know man...

Use of this site constitutes acceptance of our User Agreement and Privacy Policy. © 2012 reddit inc. All rights reserved.

REDDIT and the ALIEN Logo are registered trademarks of reddit inc.

π Rendered by PID 4446 on app-158 running 3b143b5.