this post was submitted on
1,867 points (55% like it)
9,780 up votes 7,913 down votes

funny

subscribe2,576,797 readers

6,348 users here now

Reminder: Political posts are not permitted in /r/funny. Try /r/PoliticalHumor instead!

NEW! No gore or porn (including sexually graphic images). Other NSFW content must be tagged as such

Welcome to r/Funny:

You may only post if you are funny.

Please No:

  • posts with their sole purpose being to communicate with another redditor. Click for an Example.

  • Screenshots of reddit comment threads. Post a link with context to /r/bestof or /r/defaultgems if from a default subreddit instead.

  • Posts for the specific point of it being your reddit birthday.

  • Politics - This includes the 2012 Presidential candidates or bills in congress. Try /r/politicalhumor instead.

  • Rage comics - Go to /r/fffffffuuuuuuuuuuuu instead.

  • Memes - Go to /r/AdviceAnimals or /r/Memes instead.

  • Demotivational posters - Go to /r/Demotivational instead.

  • Pictures of just text - Make a self post instead.

  • DAE posts - Go to /r/doesanybodyelse

  • eCards - the poll result was 55.02% in favor of removal. Please submit eCards to /r/ecards

  • URL shorteners - No link shorteners (or HugeURL) in either post links or comments. They will be deleted regardless of intent.

Rehosted webcomics will be removed. Please submit a link to the original comic's site and preferably an imgur link in the comments. Do not post a link to the comic image, it must be linked to the page of the comic. (*) (*)

Need more? Check out:

Still need more? See Reddit's best / worst and offensive joke collections (warning: some of those jokes are offensive / nsfw!).


Please DO NOT post personal information. This includes anything hosted on Facebook's servers, as they can be traced to the original account holder.


If your submission appears to be banned, please don't just delete it as that makes the filter hate you! Instead please send us a message with a link to the post. We'll unban it and it should get better. Please allow 10 minutes for the post to appear before messaging moderators


The moderators of /r/funny reserve the right to moderate posts and comments at their discretion, with regard to their perception of the suitability of said posts and comments for this subreddit. Thank you for your understanding.


CSS - BritishEnglishPolice ©2011

a community for

reddit is a source for what's new and popular online. vote on links that you like or dislike and help decide what's popular, or submit your own! learn more ›

all 79 comments

[–]CupofBallSoup 100 points101 points ago

Cookies...not even once.

[–]danrennt98 56 points57 points ago

Yea I guess I'll look at /r/funny before I start my dissertation.

.....

WILL MAKE PUNS FOR KARMA

[–]wildmonkeymind 2 points3 points ago

[–]Lolz-Muffin 1 point2 points ago

Mmmmmmm haaash cookies.

[–]JonSnowTheBastid -5 points-4 points ago

Beat me to it

[–]ProfoundShit 19 points20 points ago

That is one slippery slope, slicked with butter and self regret.

[–]ksiadous 24 points25 points ago

Ah the story of the Redditor.

[–]Verbatium 14 points15 points ago

Heh.... it's like drugs.

[–]Chaster321 29 points30 points ago

Baking Bad.

[–]persona_dos 10 points11 points ago

Jesus Christ Marie, they're COOKIES!!!

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]persona_dos 0 points1 point ago

Dangerously Methy.

[–]ghostinseashell 0 points1 point ago

Cookies? For Breakfast?

-- Walter Jr.

[–]BrotherSeamus 15 points16 points ago

Simpsons did it.

[–]SoCalDan 3 points4 points ago

That's the first thing I thought when I saw it.

[–]PanniculusHam 4 points5 points ago

I don't understand it! That was non-alcoholic champagne...

[–]Szos 2 points3 points ago

Taxi did it before the Simpsons.

[–]SeedyOne 1 point2 points ago

In .gif form because I can't even get that damn video player to load.

[–]THEskinOFaROBOT 12 points13 points ago

Oscar, the green one, used to be looked down upon as the do-nothing lazy older brother that sponged off his more successful, more intelligent, morally upright and responsible younger brother... the blue one, a quiet-type, almost anti-social, usually had his nose stuffed in a book, nobody even remembers his real-name anymore... He is now known only as a monster, a fiend, a wild-eyed addict, disheveled and mussed, bent on getting his next fix. He hasn't picked up a book in years, never did turn in his completed doctoral thesis. Rarely does he talk to family. The monster, having been evicted from his condo, wanders up and down Sesame Street trading sexual favors for sweet snacks. His elder brother Oscar, having no where to go and no job skills, well, he decided to join the service. Oscar was sent overseas to fight, but tragically, he lost the use of his legs when the vehicle he was traveling in was blown-up by an IED. He now spends his days living in a trash can, a grouch, a grump, a bitter, broken shell of his former self, but humble and grateful for the handouts and scraps from the passersby... It's all that keeps him alive. Sometimes the monster stammers by in a trance-like state, and sometimes he'll look Oscar dead in the eyes, but is too far gone to recognize even his own older brother. The youngest brother, Elmo, knows nothing of the hardships faced by his older brothers. He is oblivious, and doesn't comprehend the depths to which they've fallen. He is too young to remember the days when Oscar and their cousin Grover used to throw the biggest parties on Sesame Street. The women were fast and easy back then. But the drinking and drugs took their toll on Oscar and Grover; it robbed Oscar of all his ambition, and it crossed the wires somehow in Grover's mind. Mentally, Grover is just not quite all there anymore. But Elmo doesn't remember the good times, he is too young, he only knows of the aftermath. He doesn't know of his blue brother's achievements in academia. But one day, Elmo will go to university. And Elmo will see the accolades and awards in the trophy case, and a photograph of the monster, before he became the monster. And then Elmo will finally know his brother's name.

[–]sargeantb2 0 points1 point ago

[–]THEskinOFaROBOT 0 points1 point ago

Thanks. I wrote it on my phone. I'm thinking now that it is just a rough draft, and that I should write a graphic novel that shows the darker side of (alternate universe) Sesame Street. Although, according to Wikipedia, the Cookie Monster's real name is Alistair Cookie, and it doesn't cite Oscar and Elmo as his brothers, nor Grover as his cousin. Oh well.

[–]sodoubleoggood[S] 5 points6 points ago

tldr

[–]Heep_Purple 1 point2 points ago

Impossible. This is a family history, but the proper use of the 'enter' button would have been nice

[–]DarthContinent 6 points7 points ago

K IS FOR KARMA, IS GOOD ENUF FOR MEEEEE...

[–]meat_and_mead 2 points3 points ago

Take the blankets they said...

[–]tacknosaddle 3 points4 points ago

Taxi did it (flashback of Reverend Jim at Harvard).

[–]Canadian_in_Canada 2 points3 points ago

Taxi fan?

[–]hereyagoman 2 points3 points ago

but... C is for cookies. He's further gone than I originally thought

[–]ComplainsAboutDvotes 0 points1 point ago

No addict has ever been called The Drug Monster.

[–]TaintedSquirrel 1 point2 points ago

There's no time for cookies! Well, maybe just one cookie...

[–]77captainunderpants 0 points1 point ago

What if his Phd was groundbreaking research? Cookies are no laughing matter.

[–]Bin-able -1 points0 points ago

Simpsons did it.

[–]AlsoSprach 0 points1 point ago

Maneggs did the companion piece.

[–]TurdCrapley 0 points1 point ago

Whoa, this actually made me a little sad.

[–]Calculator_on_Desk 0 points1 point ago

Now who can tell me what words start with S?

[–]yumtasticmexii 0 points1 point ago

P is for Procastination, what many of us are doing right now

[–]KaramjaRum 0 points1 point ago

Have you seen grad students? They often look like cookie monster does anyways. Especially if they are in the sciences :P

[–]IceCreamCrappingTaco 0 points1 point ago

Jesus Tapdancing Christ don't give them Fig Newtons.

[–]yyx9 0 points1 point ago

Tweed jacket Cookie Monster makes me happy.

[–]cptncrnch 1 point2 points ago

Hahaha fuckin seeing a clean-cut Cookie Monster is more hilarious than I could have ever imagined.

[–]AnnyongFunke 0 points1 point ago

Cookies, not even once.

[–]wobbut 0 points1 point ago

What fucking cookie fiend would leave half a cookie on his belly?!

[–]morrison0880 0 points1 point ago

[–]andrewjackson5 0 points1 point ago

It's true, also cookies are a gateway pastry. My uncle started with cookies at a young age and by the time he was 16 was experimenting with pies, cakes, one time he did a Danish

[–]Thezombieman 0 points1 point ago

Is that Bugs Bunny?

[–]mjbergs 0 points1 point ago

For those wondering, this is by Nate Charny. This is his stupidly funny blog. I think he mostly does comics for Smosh now.

[–]DoWhile 0 points1 point ago

Standing upright and well-dressed before filing your dissertation? Totally unrealistic.

[–]abeth 0 points1 point ago

Could have been Dr. Monster.. Shame

[–]patefoisgras 0 points1 point ago

Plot twist: That IS the dissertation.

[–]MaximusTheDog 0 points1 point ago

Big Bird might just fall in his footsteps...

[–]betterpc 0 points1 point ago

[–]gamecritter 0 points1 point ago

If it was a humanities PhD, chances are he'd end up like that anyway.

[–]ChickendantZZZ 0 points1 point ago

One is too many, a thousand is never enough

[–]ophello -1 points0 points ago

Enough with the "they said" jokes already.

[–]sandman369 0 points1 point ago

Fuck, this is exactly how I feel right now... PC's Decadent Chocolate Chip cookies were on sale for $2... and... and I ate an entire package. All 21 cookies. In a row. The massive slew of sugar and delicious evil things coursing through my body is conjuring up existential sorrows and unspeakable feelings of regret. (Overeating) junk food really is like a drug.

[–]ChiefWendel -5 points-4 points ago

He doesn't exist anymore. He's been replaced by the veggie monster.

[–]TylerHenry 17 points18 points ago

Actually this was just an internet myth. He does however make a point of saying "cookies are a sometime snack."... Because, you know, parents don't know how to teach their kids healthy eating habits anymore. It's Sesame Streets fault if you let your kid eat 6 sleeves of cookies and they get fat.

[–]KaramjaRum 4 points5 points ago

Sesame Street is ABOUT teaching lessons to kids. You don't see people complaining about Sesame Street teaching kids the alphabet and saying "because, you know, parents don't teach the alphabet to kids anymore." I'm sorry if I sound a bit exasperated, but I think its completely reasonable for the cookie monster to teach better eating habits to kids, and I think people are being too hard on PBS for their decision. I know, it kind of negates a lot our childhood experiences, but the way I like to think about it is that over the years Cookie Monster has grown and learned a lot of life lessons just as we have... in this case about proper nutition.

[–]TylerHenry -1 points0 points ago

He's a cookie monster. He's hilariously annoying. Obesity wasn't a problem back when we were kids because we weren't trying to emulate a cookie monster.

The problem is lax parenting. It's hilarious that people think the cookie monster is supposed to be some sort of role model. He's an idiot the smarter characters make fun of.

[–]sodoubleoggood[S] 2 points3 points ago

@TylerHenry I wish I could upvote that a thousand times. Right on the money.

[–]sodoubleoggood[S] -1 points0 points ago

My 5 year old nephew told me this a few months back and I was convinced he was trolling me. Blasphemy I tell ya!

[–]Yinzer314 -2 points-1 points ago

I had this on my myspace page like 8 years ago

[–]Tummers09 -3 points-2 points ago

I would guess he got addicted to Jolly Ranchers

[–]bsm789 -5 points-4 points ago

ach, right in the childhood.

[–]dougefresh91 -1 points0 points ago

One is too many, and a thousand is never enough.