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top 200 commentsshow all 295

[–]doraeminemon 1076 points1077 points ago

The suspense is what made it. Brilliant.

[–]hurderpderp 541 points542 points ago

Easily the best FB post I've come across on Reddit. Worth the read. Funny as fuck.

[–]aepac 208 points209 points ago

9/10 would read again

[–]xucoalex 223 points224 points ago

You say that now, but tomorrow you'll decry it for being a repost

[–]lethargicwalrus 75 points76 points ago

And will get lots of karma for that.

[–]AmazingSansation 9 points10 points ago

I like the likes.

Likeception.

[–]thefuckdude 147 points148 points ago

9/11, blew my mind.

[–]HasNoClue 43 points44 points ago

i laughed and feel like i am going to hell now.

[–]menace2societymm 5 points6 points ago

10/11/12--the date

[–]lethargicwalrus 5 points6 points ago

7.5/10 would fap again.

[–]Koe-Rah-See 0 points1 point ago

What about 3-6 times?

[–]krazbass 6 points7 points ago

[–]yamehameha 30 points31 points ago

I started hearing the dark knight rises trailer chanting

[–]ProtonMurphy 27 points28 points ago

DESHAY BASARA BASARA

"What does that mean?"

"Rise."

[–]KeyserColeman 14 points15 points ago

What kind of dumb ass language uses three separate words, two of which are the same, to say one single god damned word? It took me all day to unrustle my jimmies after that scene.

[–]yamehameha 4 points5 points ago

You obviously haven't watched kung fu movies.

[–]jooze 10 points11 points ago

I gotta throw some props to OP for a good title too.

[–]finishedatlast 288 points289 points ago

It's the commitment not to waste an opportunity when it arises that is most admirable.

[–]TomCruiseWitchcraft 93 points94 points ago

All 6 opportunities.

[–]finishedatlast 17 points18 points ago

Boom boom

[–]Captain_Apathy 27 points28 points ago

*Boom boom boom boom boom boom

FTFY

[–]EliaTheGiraffe 5 points6 points ago

Gotta get dat.

[–]NabroleonDynamite 1 point2 points ago

I have you RES Tagged as "Jizzed in his pants".

In a delicious shade of Fuchsia.

[–]theodrixx 2 points3 points ago

Boom boom boom boom boom boom

Pvt. S. Baldrick

[–]Yazy117 0 points1 point ago

Ery body say way oh!

[–]GenericName5151 2 points3 points ago

Pow?

[–]hurderpderp 11 points12 points ago

Holding on for some time before deeply sniffing your fingers.

[–]TotesMagotes376 31 points32 points ago

Yes, I also read that part.

[–]KeyserColeman 3 points4 points ago

You mean to tell me that the text is the same for everyone and I don't need to directly quote it while adding nothing? Yeah, right.

Anyway, "I love dicks"

[–]ChemicalShenanigans 1 point2 points ago

You mean to tell me that the text is the same for everyone and I don't need to directly quote it while adding nothing? Yeah, right.

Anyway, "I love dicks"

[–]ringl-bells 2 points3 points ago

Yes, I also read that part.

[–]the_miners 0 points1 point ago

The arising of the opportunity, which is not wasted, and which is committed to by him, is admired by me.

[–]advancedapology 104 points105 points ago

So much better than, "lololol facebook hacked!"

Also, good friends.

[–]Squalor- 242 points243 points ago

Six masturbation sessions in one day!?

Amateur.

[–]nateqb12 138 points139 points ago

Now that's self control.

[–]theleftrightnut 74 points75 points ago

How the fuck do you guys masturbate more than once a day?

[–]Zuanism 183 points184 points ago

Just grab it and jerk it, I guess.

[–]throwawaymechanic37 94 points95 points ago

I'm 22 and I've jerked it 13 times in one day.

I also have a girlfriend.

I honestly have no clue what's wrong with me.

[–]StoryTimeTim 38 points39 points ago

How much comes out each time?

[–]H3000 158 points159 points ago

Later tonight you're going to wonder why the hell you asked a guy that question.

[–]StoryTimeTim 14 points15 points ago

Doubtful, I ask awkward questions all the time. Sometimes I regret them after I get that uncomfortable silence from my gf, but I rarely regret awkward questions to other guys.

[–]burf 16 points17 points ago

You're going to wonder why you asked the question because you're simply going to find out for yourself.

So stick your hand down my pants and I bet you'll feel nuts.

[–]YouPickMyName 4 points5 points ago

[–]K30 41 points42 points ago

Dust after the 5th time.

[–]Topper_Harley 12 points13 points ago

I imagine that like a reverse spoonful of cinnamon thing.

[–]mewarmo990 16 points17 points ago

You run out after 4 or 5 times. After that a little bit of your soul comes out each time.

Source: Dr. Drew and Adam Carolla on the radio one night, a few years ago

[–]LaterGatorPlayer 2 points3 points ago

Love Line! Long time listener, first time caller.

[–]fridayjones 10 points11 points ago

When a guy has an orgasm, how much comes out? A quart or so.

[–]StoryTimeTim 14 points15 points ago

Err... Hum! Of course. That's how much comes out for me. I just wanted to make sure everyone else was getting the same amount.

[–]slightly_bald 5 points6 points ago

You've never heard of "ghost loads"?

[–]sczmbz 3 points4 points ago

Dry firing

[–]throwawaymechanic37 1 point2 points ago

Well after 6 or so, absolutely nothing. Maybe a drop or two.

[–]Downvote_my_Comments 0 points1 point ago

Air. Sad, flaccid air.

[–]nrokreffefp 13 points14 points ago

Not a damned thing, although I topped out at 11 and slept thru the rest of the day. Slightly jealous.

[–]tardis2464 15 points16 points ago

I've fapped about over 20 times in a day. Once after a whole week i had fapped about 140 times or something. No regrets.

[–]AdamTheNiukka 21 points22 points ago

Dude... Do you have like magic fap powers?

[–]tardis2464 13 points14 points ago

Well sorta. So i was sitting there one day. Stupid goddamn train horn woke me up and i heard some stupid talkshow theme song so i decide to just have a movie marathon. (I had recently bought a bunch of new movies) So i put in a disk when i started geting bored so i drop my boxers (Which is what i wear to bed when its cold) and then that happened every day after that. It was a holiday week friends were off skiing up in some country like Sweden with there girlfriends. i would have joined them considering im the best skier but i would've been a 7th wheel.

[–]AdamTheNiukka 0 points1 point ago

Hmm i see. Well, more power to ya!

[–]tardis2464 5 points6 points ago

thanks gonna try and beat my record soon!

[–]Grandpa_Talos 2 points3 points ago

Hah, beat.

[–]cdlight62 0 points1 point ago

doesn't count if you go back in time

[–]throwawaymechanic37 0 points1 point ago

No regrets, fuck I'd type that up, print it out, put that on a plaque and have it framed!

[–]Waywardcross 2 points3 points ago

How many if you count ghost loads?

[–]warped_and_bubbling 1 point2 points ago

Dude, that poor penis must've been bellowing for mercy by session #11.

[–]Inpalethis21 1 point2 points ago

Nah man, I thought I was the only one. Good to know , I feel better about myself!

[–]burnie_mac 1 point2 points ago

that sounds painful...

[–]AbsurdWebLingo 18 points19 points ago

It is a skill only possessed by the Omegas.

[–]johno456 45 points46 points ago

It is a skill possessed by the Omeglers

FTFY

[–]AbsurdWebLingo 4 points5 points ago

Well done. Well done indeed johno.

[–]theleftrightnut 3 points4 points ago

I guess I'm too alpha.

[–]Revikus 25 points26 points ago

I'm too alpha

Is a redditor

Heh.

[–]theleftrightnut 15 points16 points ago

Do you even lift?

[–]SaintZvlkx 2 points3 points ago

I mean IRL?

[–]jas0nb 6 points7 points ago

I have a refractory period of like 20 seconds, it's pretty boss. I hardly consider them separate times...

[–]yamehameha 7 points8 points ago

one time I woke up when it was in progress. For real.

[–]c0horst 5 points6 points ago

Just keep watching porn after you finish. I know, its hard, but eventually you'll want to jack off again.

[–]will_never_learn 4 points5 points ago

It's not hard, but eventually it will be.

[–]cdlight62 5 points6 points ago

it's hard when its not hard, but when it starts getting harder it gets easy

[–]FishBonePendant 1 point2 points ago

Happens everytime I watch Hitomi Tanaka. Such a fucking dick tease.

[–]thegreatchancho 8 points9 points ago

It's easy when you are 15

[–]Rainb0wcrash99 3 points4 points ago

13 or 14

[–]Quaytsar 2 points3 points ago

Some guys have a refractory period of a few minutes to a couple hours and nothing else to fill the time.

[–]tardis2464 2 points3 points ago

Well you know sometimes its a really boring day. Say its sunday, you have nothing to do. Just sitting there chill-axing trying to think of something fun to do when your mind says oh hey you havent fapped since last night and your hand slowly lowers, you unzip and start beating it. Other times you're alone when you realize I HAVENT FAPPED IN ABOUT 2 DAYS. DEAR GOD. The reason was probably you were to tired or had a bad day and didn't feel the need so you boot up the computer and slip into incognito before hitting your favorite site (mines xhamster been using them a looooong time) anyway you go searching for something that is at least have decent and you start. Then you finish and start and finish and start until your exhausted and its all red and you just can't anymore. Then you shut down and go to sleep only to fap about 10 more times and you pass out and wake up with your boxers around your knees covered in jizz. Then you clean it up and feel like a monster and you say, I will fap no more, only to fap a few days later. Or you just fap anywhere. Say to the tv even if its just some shitty talkshow because you want to fap but your'e tired and also you dont want to get up and you want to see the news so you multitask. At least thats my recurring experience with masturbating.

[–]theleftrightnut 4 points5 points ago

/r/nofap seriously. I did one week of no fapping. I felt so energized and happy. Then when I did fap it felt amazing.

[–]RoflCopter4 4 points5 points ago

Placebo is an amazing thing, isn't it?

[–]crustyandhercomputer 1 point2 points ago

Really good fapping material.

[–]Jonny_Watts 0 points1 point ago

Three is a big deal for me. Considering I don't live on my own, it's tremendously hard to find opportunities to. Whenever I accomplish it, I call it a hat trick.

[–]markarse 0 points1 point ago

Www.uporn.com is how. Go for gold my friend

[–]frayuk 1 point2 points ago

Only-Fap-Six-Times-A-Day September

[–]hurderpderp 3 points4 points ago

Bush league masturbater

[–]McWut 1 point2 points ago

Most people are amateur masturbators... Although getting paid for it would be nice in some way

[–]SpaceBanaynay 1 point2 points ago

What does he even do for the rest of the day?

Lemme tell ya what the pros do. One session.

Forever.

Makes you look like this though:

http://left4dead.wikia.com/wiki/The_Charger

[–]CandyMan77 62 points63 points ago

I love dicks.

[–]JTDeuce 25 points26 points ago

I knew it

[–]countdown_to_what 130 points131 points ago

The countdown timer is now at 95.

[–]Doesnt_Suck 24 points25 points ago

Who is this mysterious counter?!

[–]DerlethTully 24 points25 points ago

You're just gonna have to wait and see 95 days from now. (That's January 14, 2013, in case you were wondering.)

[–]whoiam06 19 points20 points ago

How do you know it's 95 days? It could be 95 minutes, 95 months, 95 years.

[–]JamesRyder 32 points33 points ago

Puts on Sherlock cap

Click on the username, you can clearly see it's been making one post a day for the last 5 days. I think we can safely assume it is counting down in days.

[–]C-C-C-COMBO_BREAKERR 47 points48 points ago

Puffs pipe

A calendar is a system of organizing units of time for the purpose of reckoning time over extended periods. By convention, the day is the smallest calendrical unit of time; the measurement of fractions of a day is classified as timekeeping. The generality of this definition is due to the diversity of methods that have been used in creating calendars. Although some calendars replicate astronomical cycles according to fixed rules, others are based on abstract, perpetually repeating cycles of no astronomical significance. Some calendars are regulated by astronomical observations, some carefully and redundantly enumerate every unit, and some contain ambiguities and discontinuities. Some calendars are codified in written laws; others are transmitted by oral tradition.

The common theme of calendar making is the desire to organize units of time to satisfy the needs and preoccupations of society. In addition to serving practical purposes, the process of organization provides a sense, however illusory, of understanding and controlling time itself. Thus calendars serve as a link between mankind and the cosmos. It is little wonder that calendars have held a sacred status and have served as a source of social order and cultural identity. Calendars have provided the basis for planning agricultural, hunting, and migration cycles, for divination and prognostication, and for maintaining cycles of religious and civil events. Whatever their scientific sophistication, calendars must ultimately be judged as social contracts, not as scientific treatises.

According to a recent estimate, there are about forty calendars used in the world today. This chapter is limited to the half-dozen principal calendars in current use. Furthermore, the emphasis of the chapter is on function and calculation rather than on culture. The fundamental bases of the calendars are given, along with brief historical summaries. Although algorithms are given for correlating these systems, close examination reveals that even the standard calendars are subject to local variation. With the exception of the Julian calendar, this chapter does not deal with extinct systems. Inclusion of the Julian calendar is justified by its everyday use in historical studies.

Despite a vast literature on calendars, truly authoritative references, particularly in English, are difficult to find. Aveni (1989) surveys a broad variety of calendrical systems, stressing their cultural contexts rather than their operational details. Parise (1982) provides useful, though not infallible, tables for date conversion. Fotheringham (1935) and the Encyclopedia of Religion and Ethics (1910), in its section on "Calendars," offer basic information on historical calendars. The sections on "Calendars" and "Chronology" in all editions of the Encyclopedia Britannica provide useful historical surveys. Ginzel (1906) remains an authoritative, if dated, standard of calendrical scholarship. References on individual calendars are given in the relevant sections.

The principal astronomical cycles are the day (based on the rotation of the Earth on its axis), the year (based on the revolution of the Earth around the Sun), and the month (based on the revolution of the Moon around the Earth). The complexity of calendars arises because these cycles of revolution do not comprise an integral number of days, and because astronomical cycles are neither constant nor perfectly commensurable with each other,

The tropical year is defined as the mean interval between vernal equinoxes; it corresponds to the cycle of the seasons. The following expression, based on the orbital elements of Laskar (1986), is used for calculating the length of the tropical year: 365.2421896698 - 0.00000615359 T - 7.29E-10 T2 + 2.64E-10 T3 [days] where T = (JD - 2451545.0)/36525 and JD is the Julian day number. However, the interval from a particular vernal equinox to the next may vary from this mean by several minutes.

The synodic month, the mean interval between conjunctions of the Moon and Sun, corresponds to the cycle of lunar phases. The following expression for the synodic month is based on the lunar theory of Chapront-Touze' and Chapront (1988): 29.5305888531 + 0.00000021621 T - 3.64E-10 T2 [days]. Again T = (JD - 2451545.0)/36525 and JD is the Julian day number. Any particular phase cycle may vary from the mean by up to seven hours.

In the preceding formulas, T is measured in Julian centuries of Terrestrial Dynamical Time (TDT), which is independent of the variable rotation of the Earth. Thus, the lengths of the tropical year and synodic month are here defined in days of 86400 seconds of International Atomic Time (TAI).

From these formulas we see that the cycles change slowly with time. Furthermore, the formulas should not be considered to be absolute facts; they are the best approximations possible today. Therefore, a calendar year of an integral number of days cannot be perfectly synchronized to the tropical year. Approximate synchronization of calendar months with the lunar phases requires a complex sequence of months of 29 and 30 days. For convenience it is common to speak of a lunar year of twelve synodic months, or 354.36707 days.

Three distinct types of calendars have resulted from this situation. A solar calendar, of which the Gregorian calendar in its civil usage is an example, is designed to maintain synchrony with the tropical year. To do so, days are intercalated (forming leap years) to increase the average length of the calendar year. A lunar calendar, such as the Islamic calendar, follows the lunar phase cycle without regard for the tropical year. Thus the months of the Islamic calendar systematically shift with respect to the months of the Gregorian calendar. The third type of calendar, the lunisolar calendar, has a sequence of months based on the lunar phase cycle; but every few years a whole month is intercalated to bring the calendar back in phase with the tropical year. The Hebrew and Chinese calendars are examples of this type of calendar.

In most societies a calendar reform is an extraordinary event. Adoption of a calendar depends on the forcefulness with which it is introduced and on the willingness of society to accept it. For example, the acceptance of the Gregorian calendar as a worldwide standard spanned more than three centuries.

The legal code of the United States does not specify an official national calendar. Use of the Gregorian calendar in the United States stems from an Act of Parliament of the United Kingdom in 1751, which specified use of the Gregorian calendar in England and its colonies. However, its adoption in the United Kingdom and other countries was fraught with confusion, controversy, and even violence. It also had a deeper cultural impact through the disruption of traditional festivals and calendrical practices.

Because calendars are created to serve societal needs, the question of a calendar's accuracy is usually misleading or misguided. A calendar that is based on a fixed set of rules is accurate if the rules are consistently applied. For calendars that attempt to replicate astronomical cycles, one can ask how accurately the cycles are replicated. However, astronomical cycles are not absolutely constant, and they are not known exactly. In the long term, only a purely observational calendar maintains synchrony with astronomical phenomena. However, an observational calendar exhibits short-term uncertainty, because the natural phenomena are complex and the observations are subject to error.

The calendars treated in this chapter, except for the Chinese calendar, have counts of years from initial epochs. In the case of the Chinese calendar and some calendars not included here, years are counted in cycles, with no particular cycle specified as the first cycle. Some cultures eschew year counts altogether but name each year after an event that characterized the year. However, a count of years from an initial epoch is the most successful way of maintaining a consistent chronology. Whether this epoch is associated with an historical or legendary event, it must be tied to a sequence of recorded historical events.

This is illustrated by the adoption of the birth of Christ as the initial epoch of the Christian calendar. This epoch was established by the sixth-century scholar Dionysius Exiguus, who was compiling a table of dates of Easter. An existing table covered the nineteen-year period denoted 228-247, where years were counted from the beginning of the reign of the Roman emperor Diocletian. Dionysius continued the table for a nineteen-year period, which he designated Anni Domini Nostri Jesu Christi 532-550. Thus, Dionysius' Anno Domini 532 is equivalent to Anno Diocletian 248. In this way a correspondence was established between the new Christian Era and an existing system associated with historical records. What Dionysius did not do is establish an accurate date for the birth of Christ. Although scholars generally believe that Christ was born some years before A.D. 1, the historical evidence is too sketchy to allow a definitive dating.

Given an initial epoch, one must consider how to record preceding dates. Bede, the eighth-century English historian, began the practice of counting years backward from A.D. 1. In this system, the year A.D. 1 is preceded by the year 1 B.C., without an intervening year 0. Because of the numerical discontinuity, this "historical" system is cumbersome for comparing ancient and modern dates. Today, astronomers use +1 to designate A.D. 1. Then +1 is naturally preceded by year 0, which is preceded by year -1. Since the use of negative numbers developed slowly in Europe, this "astronomical" system of dating was delayed until the eighteenth century, when it was introduced by the astronomer Jacques Cassini.

Exhales

[–]BraKes22 89 points90 points ago

I feel like I really should read this.

[–]caleen 14 points15 points ago

What's more is he did that in one breath. It will take me all week to comprehend it.

[–]MightyYetGentle 18 points19 points ago

I really wish I still had a prescription for adderall.

[–]hnrqoliv182 9 points10 points ago

Agreed.

[–]mretchin 4 points5 points ago

how are all your comments so long?!

[–]joeythelesser 4 points5 points ago

[–]Rhaen 0 points1 point ago

if one was hoping to emulate Sherlock, then one would of failed, as he kept his brain as free from anything not related to being a detective as much as he could, to the extent that he did not know that the earth orbits the sun

[–]frvwfr2 1 point2 points ago

TL;DR, but upvoted for length. May read some time in the future.

[–]OosFoos 0 points1 point ago

Exhales

you're doing it wrong.

[–]datvass 0 points1 point ago

REDDIT

LETS GO

[–]Mandena 0 points1 point ago

[–]lightatenear -1 points0 points ago

Why do I have to be on my iPhone for a post like this, with a disturbing lack of "lol didnt read" gifs?

[–]variousfruits -1 points0 points ago

puffs pipe http://astro.nmsu.edu/~lhuber/leaphist.html exhales. You can't Sherlock a Sherlock, Sherlock.

[–]HaydenTheFox 0 points1 point ago

Oh wow, now I'm really interested. I'm going to be looking for him for the next 95 days...

[–]murarara 4 points5 points ago

Perhaps because it posts once a day? I might be crazy, though.

[–]Rainb0wcrash99 5 points6 points ago

Holy shit thats when..........

[–]AdmiralHairdo 3 points4 points ago

FINISH THE SENTENCE

[–]Rainb0wcrash99 4 points5 points ago

Well on that date.........

[–]AdmiralHairdo 1 point2 points ago

THE SUSPENSE IS KILLING ME.

[–]Doesnt_Suck 1 point2 points ago

The suspense is burning a hole in my soul! WOE IS ME!

[–]young89er 1 point2 points ago

well fuck thats my birthday

[–]nxtm4n 3 points4 points ago

What are you counting down to? I must know! What happens on Jan. 14?

[–]McWut 2 points3 points ago

Green Day concert in Pittsburgh?

[–]SQUID_FUCKER 4 points5 points ago

I get the feeling this is going to end in disappointment. I hope I'm wrong.

[–]Muzilos 6 points7 points ago

On January 13, 2013

countdown_to_what wakes up
I guess it's time
goes on Reddit

The countdown timer is now at 0.

Wears gas mask
Radical takeover of Israel
Launch nuke at Iran
WWIII begins
We all die in a matter of weeks.

[–]FOcast 6 points7 points ago

Half Life 3 Launches

[–]canthandleit35 0 points1 point ago

That would actually be amazing marketing. Could you imagine if HL3 was just RELEASED? With no prior warning whatsoever.

[–]NotoriousLynx 1 point2 points ago

I cut the red wire.

[–]ancientbilbo 1 point2 points ago

huh?

[–]Juicelayer88 0 points1 point ago

-25

[–]DieFappy 0 points1 point ago

Tagged.

[–]ayyyyyyyyyy 0 points1 point ago

Me too!

[–]rogerramjit 16 points17 points ago

I always think of witty/clever shit I could do if this opportunity arises, then, no matter what, I crack under the pressure and end up writing 'I love eating freshly laid dog turd' or something like that.

[–]TomViolence 12 points13 points ago

The french call it l'esprit de l'escalier, I think. Btw, even if I just spelled that wrong it's still perfect French because I did it in italics. So no corrections, please.

[–]lovenohoe 2 points3 points ago

That's amazing.

[–]majuhlazuh 4 points5 points ago

This definitely beats dicks! Hands down!

[–]tamwow19 1 point2 points ago

I think the circumcision hack that /u/ALUMNI_Scotty did was a bit better ;)

[–]Lieutenant_Mustard 4 points5 points ago

I feel no shame in being second-best

[–]tamwow19 3 points4 points ago

After some creeping on your history - I KNOW WHO YOU ARE! :)

[–]Lieutenant_Mustard 5 points6 points ago

You also know who I am because I'm the one who found Jason logged in in the office

[–]tamwow19 1 point2 points ago

Yes also that.

[–]SnowShred 2 points3 points ago

wait....

[–]OneCello 3 points4 points ago

What are you referring to?

[–]tamwow19 4 points5 points ago

A hack my friend did (to this same guy) a while back - he added a life event, three days after birth: Loss of a loved one (his circumcision).

[–]uzi1080[S] 0 points1 point ago

Now post it and reap the sweet, sweet karma.

[–]TomViolence 4 points5 points ago

circumcision hack

Sounds like the rabbi used a hatchet or some shit.

[–]tamwow19 2 points3 points ago

A hack my friend did (to this same guy) a while back - he added a life event, three days after birth: Loss of a loved one (his circumcision).

[–]SourCreamWater 29 points30 points ago

I don't really get it. Help?

[–]uzi1080[S] 89 points90 points ago

The guy in the screencap left his Facebook logged in on a work computer, and someone got there before him the next morning and posted this status from his account.

[–]SourCreamWater 21 points22 points ago

Thanks!

[–]McJawsh 5 points6 points ago

Classic reddit, downvoting a question because someone didn't realize what's going on. I'll show myself out.

EDIT: This guy was (13|13) when I replied.

[–]Megabean 6 points7 points ago

SAIL

[–]fistea 0 points1 point ago

[–]ackackackack 9 points10 points ago

"... logged in at the office."

[–]WMDistraction 8 points9 points ago

Actually, they're both correct, grammatically. Both "in" and "at" serve the purpose of a prepositional phrase acting as an adverbial phrase of location (If you didn't know previously, prepositional phrases are, grammatically speaking, adverbs! NOW YOU KNOW). Semantically, even, both prepositions are correct. He is, in fact, inside the office when he logged in. It is grammatical to say that he "logged at the office," but that isn't the precise semantic meaning intended, so "in" must be included in the verb "logged in" to gain that sort of precision. It isn't a very strong argument (When talking grammar, you will trip yourself up a lot if you try to mix in semantics as your reasoning), but there you have it.

Also, you can simply say "I logged in," which means the verb "logged in" is intransitive, so we can eliminate the possibility that the prepositional phrase "in/at the office" is being accepted by "logged" in any meaningful sense, grammatically. Further, prepositions can't accept prepositions in traditional English grammar. Prepositions can only accept noun phrases, which could then accept a prepositional phrase. It's just how English grammar works - and, yes, I can say that because language is just made up sounds and symbols that happen to have meaning.

Let's replace "logged in" with a less complicated verb phrase. You could say, "I worked in the office," which is being precise about where you worked, or you could say, "I worked at the office," which is slightly more general while still emphasizing your location. In fact, let's not use the noun phrase "the office." Let's use "the bathroom." You wouldn't say, "I worked at the bathroom," though that is grammatical. You'd more likely say, "I worked in the bathroom." What's the difference, grammatically, if you worked in the office or in the bathroom? There's absolutely none! They're both adverbial phrases of place accepting a noun phrase with a determiner (definite article) and a common noun. Grammatically speaking, these sentences are identical.

It also rules out a diction error because both are acceptable ways to express location, though I hate diction errors with a fiery passion because the difference between "fewer" and "less" is so minute that it doesn't really matter aside from aesthetic or compulsive reasons.

It sounds odd, but "logged in" is one of the weird verbs-with-multiple-words-that-isn't-actually-a-phrase. That is what makes English fucked.

pedantist away! (I made that word up! I KNOW, THE AUDACITY OF ME!)

[–]alexgmcm 2 points3 points ago

Or

logged on in the office

Using in consecutively makes it look strange.

[–]Mr_I_Know 2 points3 points ago

fucking brilliant

[–]lwest340 0 points1 point ago

There is only one phrase that I will always snicker at its utterance: Masturbation Session.

[–]Ulftar 0 points1 point ago

It doesn't beat "I love dicks". "I love dicks" is a classic and you just don't appreciate the classics apparently.

[–]Jean__Valjean 0 points1 point ago

tl;dr

[–]Morningxafter 2 points3 points ago

One of the guys in my shop did that and our chief posted a status about how awesome our chief is. Then proceeded to like every gay pride and my little pony page he could find, make his relationship status "Married to The Backstreet Boys" and a bunch of other shit I can't remember.

In the end, the guy had to delete about 150 gay pride and MLP page one by one from his likes.

[–]jims1973 1 point2 points ago

Bravo, Bravo!

[–]elaw82 -1 points0 points ago

Fucking hilarious!!!

[–]tre101 -1 points0 points ago

So..someone want to type it out so I can copy and paste it at will.

[–]Merad -1 points0 points ago

Annnnnd this is why I never log in to Facebook on a device that I don't own.

[–]cowboy1015 0 points1 point ago

That guy could write a really good suspense thriller script.

[–]GoldenGonzo 0 points1 point ago

Tell your friend he can end the session in his office via his/her computer at home.

[–]mymindisgoo 0 points1 point ago

trey loves dicks. mike loves dicks. jon loves dicks. page loves dicks. we loves dicks!

[–]Ass_Kicka 1 point2 points ago

Well it sure beats dicks.

There we go.

[–]poleethman -1 points0 points ago

Leave it on facebook.

[–]leoselassie 0 points1 point ago

I want to see someone start friending EVERYONE listed in the "people you may know" to see how long the new friends go unnoticed instead of these clever little posts.

[–]Lurking_Grue 0 points1 point ago

I love dicks.

[–]melkan22 0 points1 point ago

This happened to me. In fact, it's happening to me right now!

[–]Notloc24 0 points1 point ago

this is disturbingly accurate

[–]vancitywebguy 0 points1 point ago

Sorry, OP... you can log into your Facebook account from anywhere and end any open session on any machine from your settings.

[–]sltkr 1 point2 points ago

That's not how you use “albeit”.

[–]TexasIsTheReason 0 points1 point ago

I can't wait to do this to my friends/coworkers!

[–]aManHasSaid 1 point2 points ago

you can force logout FB from home. I just learned that today. Go to security, it will show you all the devices that are currently logged in to your account. You can kill the login from home.

[–]hey_sergio 1 point2 points ago

Lik dis if u Windows+L evertim

[–]arkain123 0 points1 point ago

I thought I'd invented the ball move.

[–]jbg89 1 point2 points ago

I came here to laugh not to read.

[–]Ragefacesoflucy 0 points1 point ago

I showed my bf this because he always puts his hands down his pants and sniffs it : |

[–]userjoe9066 0 points1 point ago

Easily THE best FB post I've seen on Reddit.

[–]elbruce 0 points1 point ago

Wat. People find porn through Facebook how?

[–]DotishGuy 0 points1 point ago

use a google chrome incognito window for Facebook

it logs you out when you close it

[–]TechnoBill2k12 0 points1 point ago

That is some serious Kaiser Soze shit right there

[–]Fordiman 0 points1 point ago

... And your computer unlocked. Win+L, man.

[–]Doshin2113 0 points1 point ago

So, every time someone in my friends group leaves their phone somewhere, someone immediately posts "IM SO MANY DICKS RIGHT NOW" exactly like that, it stems from a friend of ours trying to discretely type out "I'm sucking so many dicks right now" on a friends facebook, and leaving out the verb.

My favorite part is flood of "Wait... What?" comments from family members the first time someone gets hit with it.

[–]Just_Brad 0 points1 point ago

That was brilliant. So well written.

[–]Crownowa 0 points1 point ago

Social networking is blocked at my work.

[–]salmonerdz 0 points1 point ago

I read this, chuckled, went to the other room to change into shorts, paused mid-change and realized it was written by a co-worker. Am I...retarded?

[–]Jonny_Watts 0 points1 point ago

In a post about masturbation, you used the words "beats" and "dick" but not together.

[–]BAMspek 0 points1 point ago

That was elaborate!

[–]pyroaries 0 points1 point ago

Did not see that one coming... the first through the sixth time.

[–]kylEnt 0 points1 point ago

What the actual fuck?

[–]markarse 0 points1 point ago

I work for a major telecommunications provider in one of the retail stores and people leave their Facebook's logged into phones all the time. I think a lot of people are gonna be copping this...

[–]rebecca_marcedes 0 points1 point ago

OMG it's so awesome to see something on reddit that was on your newsfeed yesterday.. I got to enjoy this twice.