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all 119 comments

[–]KazMux 100 points101 points ago

When single: "Oh poor you! At least you have someone!"

When in a relationship: "Oh poor you! I'd kill to spend even an evening by myself"

[–]atl2rva 51 points52 points ago

Solution: Don't live with the person you are in a relationship with.

[–]nuinbot 84 points85 points ago

Solution: Find someone you are completely comfortable with. Never settle for "good enough".

[–]ThoughtlessBanter 56 points57 points ago

Solution: Real doll.

[–]BadNewsBrown 2 points3 points ago

DaveKat

[–]nuinbot 3 points4 points ago

Let's be cost effective here and just go with a Fleshlight. The rest is just fucking weird. I mean, could you honestly look into the doll's eyes and get something out of it?

[–]Vanderloulou 4 points5 points ago

yeah but what about the cooking and stuff?

[–]Knows_where_waldo_is 16 points17 points ago

Than I guess the solution would be: real doll + live with your mother. But then you have to go out and run a motel.

[–]fancy-chips 8 points9 points ago

there's nothing more manly than having to rely on others for food.

[–]sircharles420 5 points6 points ago

Learn how to cook..

[–]WHARGARBEEES 0 points1 point ago

That didn't even work for Lars.

[–]CeruleanLlama -1 points0 points ago

Truer words have never been spoken.

[–]RyanFuller003 2 points3 points ago

I can't even find "good enough;" where does that leave me?

[–]BCP6J9YqYF6xDbB3 12 points13 points ago

Forever Alone.

[–]Level_75_Zapdos 0 points1 point ago

I'd rather be "forever alone" than settle for "good enough."

[–]CrisisOfConsonant 13 points14 points ago

Alternative Solution: Just be able to tell them to go away once in a while, or just go away yourself.

Source: My girlfriend (boo me now) and I tell each other to GTFO fairly often.

[–]zakificus 1 point2 points ago

Same here. I typically see my girlfriend every day. But there are times where one of us will just say "hey I'm thinking I'll take some alone time tonight."

Best of both worlds. My grass is always green haha.

[–]emocol 7 points8 points ago

See, the Bible was right about pre-marital relationships!

Checkmate, Atheists.

[–]bombmistro -3 points-2 points ago

Just means you spend all the time you aren't sleeping with them which is like paying a hooker to flirt and not getting her in bed

[–]Coo1_Story_Breh 9 points10 points ago

You can still sleep at each other's places quite a bit. It's just always nice to have your own room if you felt like it.

[–]josephpatricks 1 point2 points ago

or just get a two bedroom apt - it also works well for different work schedules, so you don't have to hear their alarm go off early, etc.

[–]Durpulous 5 points6 points ago

I seriously don't understand why more people don't do this. Having that private space solves so many relationship problems, yet when I suggest it to people on Reddit they tend to flip out and accuse me of not knowing what it means to be in a committed relationship or some such bullshit.

[–]HumanoidCarbonUnit 2 points3 points ago

I fail to see the need for two bedrooms really. I've got a one bedroom and it works out just fine. If I need alone time I head off into the bedroom and leave him to the common room. BAM instant private space for both of us.

[–]forshow 0 points1 point ago

Not everyone is the same. What works for you does not work for everyone. Durpulous is simply showing a solution to people that need privacy in their relationships. Having two rooms can solve this, for some people. It also does not mean you cannot sleep with you SO from time to time or whatever pleases the couple.

[–]Durpulous 0 points1 point ago

I didn't mean to imply everyone needs that sort of setup. Some people need more space than others.

[–]josephpatricks 0 points1 point ago

I have to confess though, my parents did this in the house once some of us kids left (four kids), and I chided them for it. I thought it would diminish romance, but it just eases tension - we still know where each other is - we eat together, hang out together, I don't see the problem. We don't keep tv's in rooms, so not too much reclusion. I didn't understand before either - and it may be that it depends on the people's needs. I like privacy, she likes time to be alone. It just works for us.

[–]BrandyonTX 0 points1 point ago

You got the relationship half correct. The standard response as a single man is "Hahaha... Sucker."

[–]Haze04 150 points151 points ago

Dear diary: Today, OP was a lonely, bitter husk of a man. It was the best day ever.

[–]sneakybigfootmoan 7 points8 points ago

Now that's just mean.

[–]just-plain-mean 14 points15 points ago

At least he didn't point out the fact that OP's jealousy of makes him even less attractive to women.

[–]burnso 2 points3 points ago

Exactly.

[–]WrethZ 21 points22 points ago

You know, since the population is (roughly) 50/50

There are just as many lonely women. :c

[–]locopyro13 68 points69 points ago

Nope, mormons be snatching up the extra women.

[–]Eggwolls 3 points4 points ago

Not cool, man.

[–]yourhouseisonfire 0 points1 point ago

Yeah, but there are no girls on the internet.

[–]Erniecrack 22 points23 points ago

I used to suck dick for coke (I SEEN 'EM!)

[–]BobFuckingSaget 23 points24 points ago

That's my line.

[–]SonnyG696 10 points11 points ago

I SEEN 'EM SEEN'T IT

[–]Hurriquake 1 point2 points ago

He says "I seen him" in Half Baked.

"I seent it" is from Eastbound and Down.

*Oops, I meant Pineapple Express (same guy though)! Thanks for the correction therealsmf.

[–]therealsmf 2 points3 points ago

"I seent it" is from Pineapple Express thought.

[–]bamfsalad 1 point2 points ago

Same actor but yes it's from Pineapple. "I have to meet my wife for dinner."

[–]futuramadog 55 points56 points ago

This was so funny so I showed my girlfriend and she laughed too.

[–]Thricey 90 points91 points ago

Booooooo

[–]ignoramus012 41 points42 points ago

Are we really going to boo this man? Ok.

Booooooo

[–]goood_one 3 points4 points ago

ohh well lah-dee-dah. Mr. Fancy-pants over here has a girlfriend.

[–]ImBored_YoureAmorous 3 points4 points ago

You ever sucked a dick for a girlfriend?

[–]ChefBoyarDEZZNUTZZ 1 point2 points ago

HEY GUYS! THIS GUY HAS A GIRLFRIEND! HE HAS A GIRLFRIEND!!

[–]Kite_sunday 1 point2 points ago

fucking sell out...

[–]TeacupPig 0 points1 point ago

As the girlfriend of another Redditor, I think I'll make sure my boyfriend sees this when he's out of class!

[–]TH4N 2 points3 points ago

Boooooo for him.

[–]oaktreeanonymous 10 points11 points ago

I agree this would fit better in r/reactiongifs, but it's not like r/gifs is /r/anythingbutreactiongifs. It's just gifs, and reaction gifs are one kind.

[–]liverpoop 4 points5 points ago

Yea I'm a bitter lonely man and this is about right.

[–]damontoo 5 points6 points ago

[–]drbiggles 0 points1 point ago

Thought it was one of these commercials.

Hooray Beer!

[–]OvidNaso 2 points3 points ago

It's that guy from the Real World.

[–]rodmandirect 1 point2 points ago

"It wasn't... not... funny!"

[–]TIMMAYBurch 1 point2 points ago

TIMMAY

[–]Making_stuff 2 points3 points ago

[–]1883 0 points1 point ago

I remember being blown away one night when this came on the telly...

[–]EngineRoom23 1 point2 points ago

I liked that cunt was bleeped but not fuck.

[–]cbhaga01 2 points3 points ago

Kids, it was the fall of 2012. Your aunt Lily and uncle Marshall were up to their ears in new baby stuff, and aunt Robin & uncle Barney were in the bliss of their new marriage. My search for the one was getting desperate. On a whim, I decided to try out one of Barney's seediest pages from the playbook: picking up chicks at a Narcotics Anonymous meeting. However, Barney didn't let me go in unprepared,

WOOSH

Barney: "Ted... if you're stooping down to my level, you have to be prepared. These people are savages. And a clean cut, good looking guy like yourself? They'll come right at you! So set up a backstory. Make them think you're hood. From the streets! The men will fear you and the women will want to be with you."

Ted: "Suggestions on how I do that?"

Barney: "Prison yard rules, Ted. Show dominance. Like, if someone starts complaining about weed, and the crowd begins to mutiny, interject yourself. Get creative."

[–]LS_DJ 0 points1 point ago

One of my all time favorite scenes from one of the funniest stoner movies ever.

Thank you for posting this gif

[–]JTyler82 0 points1 point ago

Poor Bob. :/

[–]homelesstatertot -1 points0 points ago

[–]BZuckerkorn 0 points1 point ago

This is how I feel about cat posts.

[–]TH4N 0 points1 point ago

Fuck people with girlfriends.

Fuck their girlfriends.

[–]daddydunc 1 point2 points ago

Have you ever sucked dick for a girlfriend?

[–]brusty -1 points0 points ago

This is David from Real World 2. First cast member to be kicked out. He seems like quite a douche. Here is him & Puck from Real World 3 getting into it. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2opN1qTuqz8

[–]samsterk911 0 points1 point ago

Sour grapes

[–]shakycam3 0 points1 point ago

I immediately downvote anything to do with sports or someone's little kids.

[–]Danielfair 1 point2 points ago

tfw no qt gf

[–]TaylorHammond9 -3 points-2 points ago

My girlfriend broke up with me past night... This isn't helping.

[–]ImStuuuuuck 9 points10 points ago

Build a bridge and fap over it!

[–]Lostkalamari 0 points1 point ago

You definitely just made my day!

[–]Left-Hand-Path -3 points-2 points ago

You ain't missin' nothin'. You have more money, more time, more privacy, and no kids.

[–]ibnz1009 0 points1 point ago

My girlfriend likes this post.

[–]Wilcows 0 points1 point ago

My girlfriend doesn't know about this post and I won't show it to her because she'd either not care or be indifferent.

Doesn't matter, the same point still stands.

[–]ImHamHanded -2 points-1 points ago

Can't people just keep this shit to themselves?

[–]vernonhardapple13 -3 points-2 points ago

LOL. Ah, maturity.