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2096
2097

So, there's a girl at my school who goes around and puts little hats on squirrels... (i.imgur.com)

submitted ago by Longfeller

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[–]unpredictableSOUP 566 points567 points ago

A girl came up to me taking a drug use survey for a psych class. I started talking to her and she said she was from a small town and for fun they would pour NyQuil on a loaf of bread and the squirrels would eat the bread and fall asleep pretty much immediately. Her and her friend would take the sleeping squirrels and put them in her neighbors mailboxes and most of the time the squirrels would explode from the mailboxes and scare the shit out of her neighbors. I immediately fell in love with this girl and never talked to her again.

[–]xtfftc 302 points303 points ago

and most of the time the squirrels would explode

Couldn't you have used a different word? I totally hated that bitch for a split second.

[–]DAngelo_Barksdale 88 points89 points ago

BOOM

[–]Fineus 128 points129 points ago

Mailshot.

[–]CallMeGreg 32 points33 points ago

Squirrelbombed.

load more comments (1 reply)

    [–]CaptainTennille 195 points196 points ago

    fell in love with this girl and never talked to her again

    Spoken like a true Redditor. Well played, sir/ma'am.

    [–]mnp 40 points41 points ago

    I have unpleasant memories of the Butterfly Effect scene where a mailbox explodes...

    [–]GreenFox1505 15 points16 points ago

    damnit, I totally forgot about that... now I hate you.

    [–]BrownNote 7 points8 points ago

    That's a kind of Butterfly Effect-esque thing that just happened.

    [–]Antbutter 73 points74 points ago

    Dude, i am going to try this. Please tell me you are serious, because if I NyQuil a squirrel and it dies I will probably kill myself from the guilt.

    [–]Thjoth 58 points59 points ago

    If it's any consolation, the squirrel probably would have died in a mad, pointless suicide rush through moving traffic, anyway. So, if it does kill the squirrel, look at it as an act of mercy that you got him high as fuck first.

    [–]Antbutter 12 points13 points ago

    That is the smartest thing I have ever used to rationalize risking an innocent animals life.

    [–]Vranak 19 points20 points ago

    ex post facto rationalization

    load more comments (1 reply)

      [–]complete_hick 12 points13 points ago

      If you do this and they squirrel dies, I would recommend eating it. If you are unsure on how to dress, skin, or cook it, there are plenty of videos on youtube. Don't let it go to waste.

      [–]goldrogers 19 points20 points ago

      You take it home, throw it in a pot, add some broth, a potato... baby you got a stew going!

      load more comments (2 replies)

        [–]thegreatvortigaunt 23 points24 points ago

        For fucks sake... the guy is bullshitting. Also, don't drug squirrels. It's just wrong.

        [–]TheTalkingCamelAnus 38 points39 points ago

        It's nuts!

        [–]jutct 16 points17 points ago

        Nice try, Squirell D.A.R.E. Officer.

        load more comments (1 reply)

          [–]Team_Coco_13 4 points5 points ago

          Eh, people have done worse reproducing TV.

          load more comments (5 replies)

            [–]putin_my_ass 8 points9 points ago

            I immediately fell in love with this girl and never talked to her again.

            Wow, congratz on staying in character until the end, Mr. Redditor.

            [–]senexii 7 points8 points ago

            Do you think that it's morally wrong to drug helpless squirrels?? If not...

            [–]thegreatvortigaunt -1 points0 points ago

            Of course it's wrong to drug random animals for fun, I don't get why people find this funny.

            [–]OleDublinBobcat 34 points35 points ago

            Because squirrel hats.

            load more comments (1 reply)

              [–]IcedJack 7 points8 points ago

              Classic Reddit.

              [–]wanderso24 2 points3 points ago

              Still a better love story than Twilight.

              load more comments (3 replies)

                [–]Longfeller[S] 157 points158 points ago

                Here's another one. She makes the hats herself.

                [–]BoreasBlack 169 points170 points ago

                She makes the hats herself.

                Why am I not surprised that the girl attaching miniature hats to squirrels makes them herself...?

                [–]U731lvr 98 points99 points ago

                Wal-mart has a squirrel hat aisle

                [–]Satafly 24 points25 points ago

                I wish I lived in USA so I could check this

                [–]Montgomrie 40 points41 points ago

                As USA, I can confirm squirrel hat aisle.

                [–]waggle238 16 points17 points ago

                My town is FINALLY getting a Wal-mart next year, I can't wait just so I can go to this aisle (so tired of ordering squirrel hats from their online stores)

                [–]Examen 8 points9 points ago

                Goshdernit USA, you get all the cool stuff in your Wallymarts.

                [–]silobot 5 points6 points ago

                just wait, walmart will be wherever you live soon

                load more comments (1 reply)

                  [–]zissous4 7 points8 points ago

                  she's like britta

                  load more comments (1 reply)

                    [–]AmberHeartsDisney 1 point2 points ago

                    That's a Mommy.

                    load more comments (9 replies)

                      [–]chimicherrychonga 135 points136 points ago

                      That's so adorable! :D But how does she get close enough to the squirrels??

                      [–]lily_gulmohar 83 points84 points ago

                      I suspect she is friends with seven dwarfs.

                      [–]weebitIRISH7 125 points126 points ago

                      Our school's paper wrote an article about it: http://onwardstate.com/2012/10/03/meet-penn-states-squirrel-whisperer/

                      [–]Miora 233 points234 points ago

                      No offense but she looks like she would kill people for fun...

                      [–]Nyrb 57 points58 points ago

                      She trains armies of squirrels to attack them.

                      [–]SquirrelArmy 19 points20 points ago

                      That intel WAS classified.

                      [–]Hipster_Panda 8 points9 points ago

                      MISSION HAS BEEN DECLASSIFIED

                      REPEAT, MISSION HAS BEEN DECLASSIFIED

                      SEND SQUIRREL AGENTS IMMEDIATELY

                      load more comments (1 reply)

                        [–]deaft 44 points45 points ago

                        agreed

                        [–]Anomander 39 points40 points ago

                        They certainly did not take the time or effort to make sure they had a flattering photo.

                        [–]J-Nice 20 points21 points ago

                        Maybe they took 50 photos and that was the best one. If so I NEED to see the other 49!

                        [–]Adultery 1 point2 points ago

                        she needs a shower, that's about it

                        [–]nomorepassword 11 points12 points ago

                        Maybe not people but how do you think she makes the squirrels keep a hat on their head ?

                        [–]waggle238 9 points10 points ago

                        thumb tacks are surprisingly effective

                        load more comments (2 replies)

                          [–]for_the_trulz 9 points10 points ago

                          Serial killers need love too.

                          [–]gools 11 points12 points ago

                          Like she would cut your balls off then put a tiny hat on them

                          [–]akatherder 6 points7 points ago

                          Well a large hat wouldn't fit.

                          [–]niggejdave 4 points5 points ago

                          http://imgur.com/BRHPS

                          yes she does

                          [–]Jayshwa 3 points4 points ago

                          "Viggy, Viggy, Viggy... You've been a bad monkey!"

                          load more comments (5 replies)

                            [–]chewp911 54 points55 points ago

                            She looks exactly like I expected.

                            [–]AteTooManyCookies 11 points12 points ago

                            aww they couldn't have taken a better picture of her?? looks like someone just randomly snapped it without a proper pose or advance notice. Poor girl

                            [–]centerbleep 8 points9 points ago

                            I feel... attracted... am I secretly a squirrel?

                            [–]Left-Hand-Path 6 points7 points ago

                            Yes. A new kind of squirrel... a secret squirrel.

                            We have the technology.

                            [–]comcamman 24 points25 points ago

                            that's some hard hitting journalism there.

                            [–]malagrond 12 points13 points ago

                            And really terribly written..

                            This is not her first bird however, but sadly, Chirpy passed away two years ago. (Feel free to pour one out for the fallen homie this weekend.)

                            Wat.

                            [–]comcamman 3 points4 points ago

                            Funnily enough that was the one sentence that stood out to me too.

                            load more comments (1 reply)

                              [–]Frankyminion 6 points7 points ago

                              Holy crap. It has a Facebook page

                              [–]Xymia 8 points9 points ago

                              " but sadly, Chirpy passed away two years ago. (Feel free to pour one out for the fallen homie this weekend.)"

                              Greatest sentence I've read in a while.

                              [–]lordsushi 8 points9 points ago

                              that girl looks more than a little creepy

                              [–]reap3rx 4 points5 points ago

                              Was hoping shed be cute. I am disappoint

                              [–]KMart27 3 points4 points ago

                              Technically a web blog. Collegian is the school paper....but doesn't mean it's good at news.

                              load more comments (15 replies)

                                [–]Hakuoro 29 points30 points ago

                                I came here to ask the same thing. Most of the squirrels I've seen are skittish as hell or aggressive

                                [–]Longfeller[S] 77 points78 points ago

                                City squirrels are extremely docile. They're so used to people I guess. But the squirrels are even more docile around her. They call her the squirrel whisperer.

                                [–]J0MS 40 points41 points ago

                                I live in Toronto and have never gotten that close to a squirrel. They run up a tree the moment you get near them.

                                [–]JXDB 14 points15 points ago

                                Hyde park in London the Squirrels are pretty tame. You can feed them out of your hand.

                                [–]xtfftc 4 points5 points ago

                                Also, they love ice-cream.

                                [–]harryISbored 22 points23 points ago

                                And taste like chicken.

                                [–]I3addog 8 points9 points ago

                                Then why not just eat chicken ?

                                [–]harryISbored 36 points37 points ago

                                Next time you see chickens running around in Hyde park, give me a call.

                                [–]kingwi11 4 points5 points ago

                                Okay Oliver Twist

                                [–]southernmost 5 points6 points ago

                                This is no way for a member of the Royal Family to behave, no matter how bored you are. Is Queen Gramma going to have to ship you off to Afghanistan again?

                                [–]hlep 7 points8 points ago

                                When I was in Central Park in NYC, I took this picture, the squirrels there gave zero fucks.

                                [–]jjremy 6 points7 points ago

                                Hamilton here. I've had squirrels eat right out of my hand.

                                Fun Fact: Their claws are very sharp.

                                [–]Longfeller[S] 2 points3 points ago

                                Canadian squirrels, man...

                                load more comments (2 replies)

                                  [–]zippy_zap 4 points5 points ago

                                  I go here too. I don't think that anyone understands how extremely tame Penn State squirrels are until you visit here. They will come right up to you and they are everywhere, and I mean everywhere. If you have food, there will be a squirrel within 10 feet of you waiting.

                                  [–]wtbrowni 2 points3 points ago

                                  I go to IU, and it's they exact same thing. You can usually get about 3 feet away but then they run away.

                                  [–]skysignor 3 points4 points ago

                                  The squirrels around my apt will come right up to you, they even let me pet them sometimes. I suspect it's just because my neighbors feed them a bunch. All the squirrels seem to be pretty fat around here...

                                  [–]gurley_man 4 points5 points ago

                                  Squirrels on school campuses are generally very comfortable around humans. The ones at my particular school (University of Alabama) will take acorns out of my hand. It's probably easier than you think.

                                  load more comments (3 replies)

                                    [–]pisscat 23 points24 points ago

                                    is she gluing them on?

                                    [–]Verblocity 60 points61 points ago

                                    Staple gun.

                                    [–]8opus 14 points15 points ago

                                    Soldering gun...

                                    [–]fucema 8 points9 points ago

                                    Peanut paste.

                                    [–]imwright00 5 points6 points ago

                                    *Penis paste

                                    load more comments (1 reply)

                                      load more comments (1 reply)

                                        [–]jecowa 6 points7 points ago

                                        I don't think so. I think she takes the hats with her when she's done playing with them. It looks like she can recognize the squirrels by their coats. The article says she found Sneezy and put a straw hat on her. Sneezy's facebook page shows her with several hats on. So it would seem that they are not permanently attached.

                                        [–]impshial 2 points3 points ago

                                        Sneezy's facebook page

                                        ಠ_ಠ

                                        load more comments (1 reply)

                                          [–]Link_GR 27 points28 points ago

                                          Britta?

                                          [–]Lt_topknot 6 points7 points ago

                                          nooooo! I thought I could get here before this happened! I'm saying it anyways. BRITTA?!

                                          [–]Link_GR 10 points11 points ago

                                          If only this hoodie was a time hoodie and you could go back in time to before I made that comment

                                          [–]Djorak 6 points7 points ago

                                          Did you guys know I had sex with Eartha Kitt in an airplane bathroom?

                                          [–]flyingcrackereater 8 points9 points ago

                                          It came up organically

                                          [–]Diffie-Hellman 3 points4 points ago

                                          context?

                                          load more comments (2 replies)

                                            [–]NerdTronJJ 17 points18 points ago

                                            Please ask her if you can post a picture of her because this is what I am thinking she looks like http://i.annihil.us/u/prod/marvel//universe3zx/images/6/63/SquirrelGirl442.jpg

                                            [–]Magnarmalok 9 points10 points ago

                                            http://onwardstate.com/2012/10/03/meet-penn-states-squirrel-whisperer/

                                            Sup.

                                            [–]AeroRandy 10 points11 points ago

                                            OP

                                            [–]anon-na 5 points6 points ago

                                            This is way acceptable. two thumbs up

                                            load more comments (1 reply)

                                              [–]dropstop 27 points28 points ago

                                              And she's the only one at your school with bubonic plague.

                                              [–]Second_Location 3 points4 points ago

                                              That was a deep cut. Nicely done.

                                              [–]agentstartling 21 points22 points ago

                                              This squirrel is pregnant/recent momma! I'm surprised she'd let someone so close.

                                              [–]Jaquatic 2 points3 points ago

                                              Aw I came here to state that observation....

                                              [–]hodor_annyong 15 points16 points ago

                                              I know this is cute and all, but this could be seriously harming the squirrels. Squirrels depend on their camouflage grayish-brown fur to keep them hidden from hungry predators, and this brightly-colored party hat is doing him no favors. This could potentially knock the delicate ecosystem out of balance. Just kidding I don't care at all.

                                              [–]Longfeller[S] 4 points5 points ago

                                              It's just squirrels and ducks around here... I'm sure they'll be okay.

                                              [–]Elementium 4 points5 points ago

                                              Ducks EAT squirrels! She's sending them to their deaths!

                                              load more comments (3 replies)

                                                [–]jutct 0 points1 point ago

                                                You had me going there...

                                                [–]HarryLeeSmith 9 points10 points ago

                                                WE ARE!!!!

                                                [–]unpredictableSOUP 7 points8 points ago

                                                I never knew squirrels had such sweet tits.

                                                [–]johnnytightlips2 2 points3 points ago

                                                Good for her, and long may she continue

                                                [–]del64 3 points4 points ago

                                                Oh PSU...

                                                [–]muchadoaboutyourmom 4 points5 points ago

                                                Is her name Luna Lovegood?

                                                [–]Rasputin3000 1 point2 points ago

                                                That literally made my shitty week a little better. Thank you for that.

                                                [–]Sir_Butt_of_Plug 2 points3 points ago

                                                where I live, the squirrels run away up a tree and start sqwuaking at you immediately. However, one time I went to disney world, and the squirrels in the park walk right up to you and beg for food. F-ing adorable.

                                                [–]ricehq 0 points1 point ago

                                                OP is a troll!

                                                [–]sw2de3fr4gt 2 points3 points ago

                                                Must be their turn to leave Little Lamplight.

                                                [–]angrymonkey 1 point2 points ago

                                                Is it you?

                                                [–]fastredb 1 point2 points ago

                                                Squirrel?

                                                [–]pi0tr 1 point2 points ago

                                                That squirrel looks like she's rubbing her hands while hatching a dastardly plan... :D

                                                Edit: squirrel gender

                                                [–]semirubbish 0 points1 point ago

                                                Are the squirrels just ok with this?

                                                [–]chuckst3r 0 points1 point ago

                                                That's a fat squirrel!

                                                [–]gkiltz 0 points1 point ago

                                                Why???

                                                [–]sumuji 0 points1 point ago

                                                She's a keeper. You must find here and ask for marriage. Now

                                                [–]always_polite 0 points1 point ago

                                                wife her

                                                [–]agentid36 0 points1 point ago

                                                we must have photos of the girl putting the hats on the squirrels. or even better, video.

                                                [–]JamMasterFelch 0 points1 point ago

                                                Can you send her in my direction please she sounds like marriage material.

                                                [–]treadonyou 0 points1 point ago

                                                It's only a matter of time before she gets the plague..

                                                If you're in Cali

                                                [–]lionel1024 -1 points0 points ago

                                                Fluttershy?

                                                [–]BananaSmoothie 0 points1 point ago

                                                She is doing God's work

                                                [–]FoxBattalion79 0 points1 point ago

                                                her services are valuable.

                                                [–]Disasstah 1 point2 points ago

                                                She was voted most likely to become a super hero.

                                                [–]Kimberleyadf 0 points1 point ago

                                                I love squirrels in tiny hats

                                                [–]Thugnificent01 0 points1 point ago

                                                She must really love TF2 aswell :D

                                                [–]Specialed83 1 point2 points ago

                                                How the hell is she getting that close to squirrels?

                                                [–]JPSYCHC 0 points1 point ago

                                                HOw does she catch them.

                                                [–]Skyei 1 point2 points ago

                                                I once saw a guy on my campus who had a baby squirrel climbing around on his shoulders. I think it was his pet or something.

                                                [–]DCstroller 1 point2 points ago

                                                Not sure which question I want answered first. "How?" or "Why?"

                                                [–]This2x4Skeleton 0 points1 point ago

                                                You should show her that video of the decomposing pig's head being devoured by squirrels.

                                                [–]casadeparadise 1 point2 points ago

                                                Thats pretty nutty.

                                                [–]UseWhatName 0 points1 point ago

                                                there are some real gems on the official "sneezy the penn state squirrel" facebook page.

                                                [–]mrdoink20 0 points1 point ago

                                                How does she get so close to the squirrels.

                                                [–]bigfig 0 points1 point ago

                                                Am I evil if I hope a squirrel bites her?

                                                Don't mess with rodents.

                                                [–]vanpelan 0 points1 point ago

                                                Wat?

                                                [–]leFORT 0 points1 point ago

                                                That girl is you, isn't it?

                                                [–]Buy_the_Ticket 0 points1 point ago

                                                I'm sure they make it much easier for the hawks to spot em-

                                                [–]IMAROBOTLOL 1 point2 points ago

                                                I demand a how-to!

                                                [–]PolarisBears 1 point2 points ago

                                                Are squirrels as soft and fluffy as they look? I've never had the opportunity to touch one.

                                                [–]Karma_Druid 1 point2 points ago

                                                marry her.

                                                [–]GeoBrian 1 point2 points ago

                                                I really want to see one wearing a top hat and monocle. And holding a cane.

                                                [–]PartySquirrel 1 point2 points ago

                                                I do believe my username is relevant

                                                [–]avpicklepig 0 points1 point ago

                                                Wassup Penn State

                                                [–]fatmasterruss 0 points1 point ago

                                                Check out the nipples on that bitch.

                                                [–]ehheh 0 points1 point ago

                                                Should say "I put hats on squirrels in photoshop cause I love nuts "

                                                [–]billymonk 1 point2 points ago

                                                Here's an interview (video) with her: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ub7VGISv1FA&feature=plcp

                                                [–]DisterDan 1 point2 points ago

                                                Does her dad put wigs on eagles?

                                                [–]Cannonballkid 0 points1 point ago

                                                Blatantly you

                                                [–]keith_weaver 0 points1 point ago

                                                She must be a mthrfking ninja to pull that off!

                                                [–]OvidNaso 0 points1 point ago

                                                Adorable, but this is pretty cruel.

                                                [–]NICEST_REDDITOR 0 points1 point ago

                                                Ahhh, good ol' Penn State.

                                                [–]wonesy 0 points1 point ago

                                                w00t PENN STATE haha i read that article too. sad that the girl probably has no idea that she was being made fun of...

                                                [–]VitaminChew 0 points1 point ago

                                                Looks like the squirrel I ran over last night

                                                [–]MuttinChops 0 points1 point ago

                                                How the hell do people get so close to the squirrels? If I get within 30 feet of a squirrel they run away, sometimes even into traffic.

                                                [–]Darklight_2501 0 points1 point ago

                                                I will pay you a large sum of money for you to ask this girl to contact me. She must be rewarded for making the world an awesome place.

                                                [–]Todomanna 0 points1 point ago

                                                Are you that girl?

                                                [–]qqkaykay 0 points1 point ago

                                                nice try valve

                                                [–]Sh0rtR0und 0 points1 point ago

                                                I'm picturing a female Willard with her army of squirrels instead of rats--albeit squirrels are rats with bushy tails.

                                                [–]no_names_left7 0 points1 point ago

                                                Just a word to the wise, never evereverevereverever try to pick up a squirrel. Even if they approach you because they are use to humans, they are extremely prone to aggression. The worse injuries that I have acquired whilst working at a Wildlife Center have been from squirrels, and I work with Great Horned Owls and Raccoons on a regular basis.

                                                [–]blundermine 0 points1 point ago

                                                That's more impressive than anything.

                                                [–]Eyeball75 0 points1 point ago

                                                Shenanigans.

                                                [–]shrimp_dimples 1 point2 points ago

                                                How does she put them on?!!

                                                [–]k4kowalick 0 points1 point ago

                                                Penn State pride baby.

                                                [–]alejo699 0 points1 point ago

                                                Tree Rat in the Hat!

                                                [–]sj_user1 0 points1 point ago

                                                If I see her I am going to punch her in her face.

                                                [–]AnonymousPirate 0 points1 point ago

                                                I wouldn't fuck with the Snathi if I were you.

                                                [–]alepov 0 points1 point ago

                                                plot twist, OP is the squirrel

                                                [–]sno2787 0 points1 point ago

                                                you cant get that close to a squirrel... silly internets

                                                [–]YouMad 0 points1 point ago

                                                Wow, a terrible shop on the front page. Reddit is really really gullible.

                                                [–]Jeffro1265 0 points1 point ago

                                                Is this real life? I remember seeing this exact same thread a few weeks ago...

                                                [–]benjaminchaser 0 points1 point ago

                                                Do you go to penn state?

                                                [–]Veni_Vidi_Vici_24 0 points1 point ago

                                                Back in college, we used to go squirrel fishing. We'd take some string and tie it around some food(peanut, candy, etc), toss it over the balcony ledge of our dorm and wait for the squirrel to try and take it. The trick is to not pull too fast or the squirrel will let go. You have to kinda pull slowly while they are trying to eat it. Then you can just pull them up.

                                                Fun times.

                                                [–]sometimes_i_work 1 point2 points ago

                                                HOW?!

                                                [–]jimmyman11 0 points1 point ago

                                                There's a facebook page for the squirrels.

                                                http://www.facebook.com/pages/Sneezy-The-Penn-State-Squirrel/386655541377081

                                                [–]mortal_rombat17 0 points1 point ago

                                                Is she a ninja? How do you repeatedly catch squirrels?

                                                [–]Lestefania 0 points1 point ago

                                                Marriage material...

                                                [–]Epic_Burrito 0 points1 point ago

                                                You should film her one day catching a squirrel and putting a hat on it. I would like to know more about this process.

                                                [–]EnjoiFlozell1031 0 points1 point ago

                                                Poor, poor reddit. OutsideYourHouse is a magical place. If one day you find yourself in this magical land that is OutsideYourHouse, please proceed to a near by area where squirrels and people are regularly, such as a university, and you will find that some squirrels are in fact, calm.

                                                [–]Phirhogam 0 points1 point ago

                                                WE ARE

                                                [–]dwwagner92 1 point2 points ago

                                                The famous penn state squirrel whisperer. Girl scares the shit outta me

                                                [–]AKJ90 0 points1 point ago

                                                But, HOW?!

                                                [–]americnleprchaun 0 points1 point ago

                                                Do you go to NYU? Because there's a girl on my floor that is absolutely obsessed with squirrels. On a regular basis she will say, to no one in particular "...I am squirrel". She's a bit odd to say the least.

                                                [–]strangegrapple 0 points1 point ago

                                                I heard of someone who got mauled to death by a squirrel doing that.

                                                [–]Fatbacks 0 points1 point ago

                                                how the hell does she catch them?

                                                [–]GaZZuM -1 points0 points ago

                                                Squirrel Gangnam Style!!!

                                                [–]dtrappp 0 points1 point ago

                                                RABIEEEEEESSSSSS MUTHAFUCKKKKAAAAA

                                                [–]Jimnjake 0 points1 point ago

                                                Better tell her to stop. News report out the other day. They found squirrels can carry the bacteria that causes plague. No joke.

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