Wanted a quickie before work, the wife asks "can you finish in 5 minutes" (SFW)

stupidfast · 2012-10-09T18:41:25+00:00

"That's fine, but what do I do with the other four minutes and thirty seconds?"

thirdfounder · 2012-10-09T17:29:11+00:00

the trouble, dear, is lasting 5 minutes.

Aubrey76 · 2012-10-09T18:39:32+00:00

Let's be real. We could take this down to a Game of Seconds if it were necessary.

7echoalpha · 2012-10-09T17:58:27+00:00

Excellent. Jeremiah Johnson's confident nod juxtaposed with the idea of quick copulation produced a guffaw deep within my midsection.

done_holding_back · 2012-10-09T19:13:02+00:00

"Honey, do you have time for a quickie?"

"That depends, can you fin-"

"DONE."

TelcoBro · 2012-10-09T19:18:01+00:00

This happened to me this morning!! 2 pumps in, I hear outr 5 yr old wiggling the goddam doorknob to our bedroom. That kid is such a cockblocker

furatail · 2012-10-09T18:48:31+00:00

Hardmode: BJ.

shinyhappyhead · 2012-10-09T18:30:59+00:00

I always think of Zach Galifianakis when I see this gif.

Koshercrab · 2012-10-09T20:00:18+00:00

5 minutes? What? Does she want foreplay and cuddle time in there too?

Nicombobula · 2012-10-09T19:25:19+00:00

as i clicked the link "when a man loves a woman" came on pandora. i laughed that much harder.

foogoo42 · 2012-10-09T18:08:53+00:00

I took up this challenge just the other day. It's more difficult than I believed it would be.

foreverheavy · 2012-10-09T19:28:09+00:00

I can't make a window that small. It's mostly awesome. Sometimes it's annoying. I turn into the Terminator when I'm having sex. Not in how it kills quickly and mercilessly, but in the sense that it relentlessly pounds away at the main character (Vagina) for the entirety of the film (or episode, if it's a "quickie") until Vagina is so exhausted from a rollercoaster of emotions, weird positions, and explosive climaxes that Vagina can hardly take anymore. Then, much like in all Terminator movies, Vagina somehow gains the upper hand, says something clever/witty, and defeats Terminator with a solitary thrust.

Then my penis explodes. But it always comes back. VHS. DVD. Blu-Ray. 3D. Video game spinoffs. Crappy television shows. Prominent roles in government. It always finds a way to return. Vagina can run. Yes, that's what Terminator wantses.

Coming Soon

Tossedinthebin · 2012-10-09T19:56:41+00:00

Your quickie was shorter than the time it took for that gif to load.

46n2ahead · 2012-10-09T18:44:48+00:00

That's about 4:30 more than I need

Shezzington · 2012-10-09T19:54:29+00:00

/this is not safe for work because I just looked this up at work and I laughed quite hard and now everyone at work thinks Im not safe to be around.

JonnyCams · 2012-10-09T18:18:36+00:00

I will always upvote this gif. Nicely done.

phoenixphaerie · 2012-10-09T19:07:25+00:00

The best usage of this gif I've seen.

Toph_a_loaf · 2012-10-09T20:08:04+00:00

"Five minutes!?!? I said I wanted a quickie, not a marathon session."

yahcodee · 2012-10-09T21:49:01+00:00

My husband refuses quickies before work. The one time we did, he forgot to wear shoes to work.

rob1005 · 2012-10-09T19:43:34+00:00

This gif gets an upvote from me wherever it appears, too good.

griffith12 · 2012-10-09T18:49:48+00:00

you forgot the rest of the conversation.

"can you finish in 5 minutes? LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL, like I dont already know that."

diversionmary · 2012-10-09T19:30:05+00:00

Sure thing: face down, ass up!

fellatioadvocate · 2012-10-09T19:34:19+00:00

Ladies, you could all learn well from this man's wife.

Monopolized · 2012-10-09T18:34:18+00:00

Well did you?

vi0lentpacifist · 2012-10-09T20:01:38+00:00

"Challenge accepted."

newtothelyte · 2012-10-09T19:26:15+00:00

So we're just upvoting the title?

naymlis · 2012-10-09T18:46:01+00:00

then she gets mad when you only last 5 minutes

BlueRofl · 2012-10-09T19:03:47+00:00

I love how the gif took a good minute to complete. Now you've only got 4 minutes to save the world.

travellerw · 2012-10-09T19:47:07+00:00

Lucky bastard.. Got to do it twice...

clubsoda_with_lime · 2012-10-09T19:57:41+00:00

Sounds like the Nic Cage sequel to 'Gone in 60 Sixty Seconds'

capnjack78 · 2012-10-09T20:02:17+00:00

You just wasted 30 seconds nodding slowly like that.

8HokiePokie8 · 2012-10-09T20:57:58+00:00

Thank you SO much! This is my absolute favorite gif of all time (I know, it's kinda simple, but it cracks me the fuck up EVERY TIME) but people rarely find a good use for it. You sir, have nailed it on the head. So thanks OP.

CaptScarbridge · 2012-10-09T21:14:30+00:00

This gif = amazing.

bmanCO · 2012-10-09T21:23:52+00:00

I have no idea why I love this gif so much, but I just never tire of seeing it.

guiltyspark7 · 2012-10-09T21:55:52+00:00

yay for reposts.

TheGreatWhitehorse · 2012-10-09T19:06:08+00:00

How in the EFF have so many people NOT seen Jeremiah Johnson?

OFFICER_REPOST · 2012-10-09T19:12:02+00:00

What are you, 12? Every one of your posts has to do with sex.

ilostmykeystoday · 2012-10-09T18:36:53+00:00

one of my all time favorite .gifs. it's never not funny.

alexscof · 2012-10-09T19:20:59+00:00

I'm so sick of seeing the same gifs over and over again.

wintremute · 2012-10-09T18:44:52+00:00

She'd still have 4 minutes left to make a sandwich.

Roommates69 · 2012-10-09T18:14:08+00:00

Don't own nearly enough upvotes for how much I laughed

The_Alex_ · 2012-10-09T20:19:05+00:00

I'm starting to see a trend here.

Step 1: Find over used gif. or picture OR just find an ordinary picture (Ex: A cat staring at some cat nip) Bonus points if it fits both criteria

Step 2: Come up with a fake backstory to give your picture or gif. a context that makes it 'funny'

Step3:???

Step 4: Profit.

It's not even just r/funny. Even r/pics has ordinary pictures with made up backstories for titles that make the picture somehow special.

anonymizzle · 2012-10-09T18:49:00+00:00

I don't know why, but this has to be one of my favorite gifs.

Endyo · 2012-10-09T18:52:23+00:00

One of the few gifs that I watch entirely every time it comes up.

callipygian_idealist · 2012-10-09T19:03:54+00:00

On average, i could do it five times.

josephanthony · 2012-10-09T19:05:29+00:00

"Do you even have to ask...?"

Coolala2002 · 2012-10-09T19:10:18+00:00

Phht, everyone knows it's okay to be late for work if quickies are involved.

AGlegg · 2012-10-09T19:13:06+00:00

creative thinking, well done!

TILAHHAKEN · 2012-10-09T19:13:10+00:00

Oh god. Just had a milky seizure.

NoLegsLunatic · 2012-10-09T19:13:55+00:00

xvideos gets the job done

Nero920 · 2012-10-09T19:19:47+00:00

Must have been satisfying

thatrobman · 2012-10-09T19:21:07+00:00

this title is just perfect

MastrWigar · 2012-10-09T19:22:51+00:00

This made my day

finishedatlast · 2012-10-09T19:28:50+00:00

Great post, just gets better with repeat views.

awsomenoughsaid · 2012-10-09T19:29:40+00:00

Hahaha, a solemn and taciturn understanding underscored by sarcasm. Brilliant.

keith_weaver · 2012-10-09T19:30:17+00:00

Funny. I attempted this very thing, this very morning. Not to brag, but I needed more time.

EpicPixelboy · 2012-10-09T19:34:28+00:00

I love it when GIFS like this load slow. It makes the climax so much more dramatic.

Likestechlongtime · 2012-10-09T19:36:30+00:00

"Sure! I'll even leave you 4 minutes to get dressed again!"

jodobrowo · 2012-10-09T19:39:14+00:00

I imagine you, laying there mid-bj thinking of this gif and laughing out loud.

ImJustRick · 2012-10-09T19:41:01+00:00

You mean you did it FIVE TIMES?!

Ecco_sings · 2012-10-09T19:52:31+00:00

Jeremiah Johnson!!

uSeeWhatiDidThere · 2012-10-09T19:59:05+00:00

Pressed the back button as soon as I saw Jerimiah Johnson. I've seen this gif way to many times, but nontheless the joke was pretty funny.

jonasbjarki · 2012-10-09T20:01:40+00:00

Upvote because I love that film. "Are you sure that you can skin grizz?!"

afipunk84 · 2012-10-09T20:04:17+00:00

Something about this .gif makes me laugh every time i see it. This is by far the best use of it i've seen. Bravo OP

SygnusSightsSounds · 2012-10-09T20:08:06+00:00

http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m5mvvve7rD1qaet5q.gif

DallyJaxson · 2012-10-09T20:12:36+00:00

This is the only repost im glad to see multiple times.

n00dleb00tz · 2012-10-09T20:13:16+00:00

/r/reactiongifs

SweetMangos · 2012-10-09T20:13:34+00:00

I don't know why, but I always have to watch the whole thing.

wanderso24 · 2012-10-09T20:14:37+00:00

How romantic.

ggg730 · 2012-10-09T20:18:29+00:00

You just wasted 30 seconds watching that clip so it looks like we're right on schedule.

Brickfrigid · 2012-10-09T20:18:57+00:00

Snuggled

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