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top 200 commentsshow 500

[–]stupidfast 635 points636 points ago

"That's fine, but what do I do with the other four minutes and thirty seconds?"

[–]FOUR_YOLO 474 points475 points ago

apologize

[–]prashant2000 118 points119 points ago

im sorry

[–]FuckingWithTheCIA 133 points134 points ago

It's ok. You're rich the best I ever had.

[–]pman5595 33 points34 points ago

Just because there's snow in the background doesn't mean you can assume he's Canadian.

[–]derkajihad 9 points10 points ago

"aaaannnnnnndddd .... I love you"

[–]TheyCallMeSuperChunk 0 points1 point ago

and cry

[–]WildBerrySuicune 79 points80 points ago

Cuddle her so fucking hard

[–]ByronsReward 78 points79 points ago

When my wife makes a joke about the length of our sex sessions http://i.imgur.com/O9YbJ.gif

[–]catycaterson 26 points27 points ago

I was there when this happened. It was hilarious.

[–]Jejun 3 points4 points ago

Can you explain what happened to me? I have no idea :(

[–]catycaterson 12 points13 points ago

Gorbachev made a joke and so the Dalia Lama started to laugh and then took off his glasses and stared at him. Not much more than that but it was funny just because there was a playful banter between the two.

Edit: spelling

[–]danspeedemon 16 points17 points ago

You're probably just fucking around with him, but this gif is reversed, and I have no idea what the original context is.

[–]catycaterson 2 points3 points ago

Nope, went to the Nobel Peace Laureates conference in Chicago this year. Both Gorbachev and His Holiness were hilarious and playful.

A few of my favorite parts of the conference:

  • One of the monks coming in from stage left with the Dalia Lama satchel and one of these hats.
  • Gorbachev getting up in the middle of the conference for no reason.
  • Gorbachev coming back and having the translator say that "Nature Called."
  • The Dalia Lama and Gorbachev essentially shooting the shit at a national conference.
  • Watching Sean Penn cry while he was accepting the Peace Summit Award. Slightly because I liked his passion, and slightly because I am a terrible person.

It was an awesome experience. For how influential both the Dalia Lama and Gorbachev are they seem like they would be awesome people to play cards with.

TL;DR The Dalia Lama and Gorbachev are awesome.

[–]danspeedemon 4 points5 points ago

Oh I'm not doubting that, which btw, sounds really cool to have watched. I was just saying that he took off his glasses to look at something and then started laughing. Here's the original. http://i.imgur.com/kEkeS.gif

[–]UK_Reddit_User 15 points16 points ago

High five people

[–]I_Joe_Cooper 4 points5 points ago

Offer her some juice.

[–]King_of_Swamp_Castle 0 points1 point ago

Back rub?

[–]thirdfounder 454 points455 points ago

the trouble, dear, is lasting 5 minutes.

[–]Beakerbite 597 points598 points ago

Not when you've only got 5 minutes. That's the moment when your direct line to ungodly stamina arises.

[–]opi8 343 points344 points ago

WHY IS THIS SO TRUE

[–]SupriseRape 121 points122 points ago

My recent ex and I had a crazy two hour sexcapade, not because the sex was amazing, I simply couldn't finish.

:'<

[–]SureSignOfAGoodRhyme 112 points113 points ago

I've seen this thousands of times, just takes 15 seconds of your own hand

[–]SupriseRape 221 points222 points ago

sigh yes..

Handgelina Jolie sure knows how to treat a guy right.

[–]Iamchrisbrown209 222 points223 points ago

Or Jill

(Hold your left hand up, palm facing you. The fingers spell out Jill"

[–]CornflakeJustice 177 points178 points ago

*stares at hand

*thinks carefully

*begins laughing aloud

Thank you for that. I love it.

[–]FECAL_ATTRACTION 37 points38 points ago

Back in high school I started dating a girl and when I told my friend he laughed at me and said "Let me guess... her name is Jill?" and held out his hand like that.

... her name actually was Jill. :(

[–]FabioFan 8 points9 points ago

Was expecting a poop story. Disappointed.

[–]koalabat 12 points13 points ago

Glad I wasn't the only one.

[–]venividivixi 19 points20 points ago

Or your right hand, palm facing away from you.

[–]Lunchbox2208 19 points20 points ago

Twins FTW.

[–]heart_of_a_liger 19 points20 points ago

[–]euclide760 3 points4 points ago

yeah but who in gods name masturbates with their right hand??

[–]venividivixi 3 points4 points ago

People who use a mouse with their left hand.

[–]Cyberslasher 19 points20 points ago

Left hand for fapping? WHAT KIND OF FETISH IS THIS?

[–]WitchKiller 38 points39 points ago

Right hand is for mouse, left hand is for fapping.

It's simple really.

[–]Costa21 34 points35 points ago

Why does your right hand have to stay on the mouse, are you fapping to a flash game?

[–]RiderEx 12 points13 points ago

Good old Ms. Michigan

[–]Herdsoot 5 points6 points ago

*Holds up hand

Wait, I don't really see... HOLY FUCK IT'S TRUE!

[–]James086 3 points4 points ago

My surname is Palmer. My mum was apparently popular in high school. :/

[–]Lunchbox2208 9 points10 points ago

She still is.

[–]chazzeromus 28 points29 points ago

Or Palmela Handerson.

[–]Alexxandros 23 points24 points ago

Chris Handson?

Wait, what?

[–]jdotg 11 points12 points ago

[–]BelGaraath 7 points8 points ago

NONONO! Original please?

[–]6Revolvers 5 points6 points ago

Pamela Handerson is my personal favorite.

[–]BigHaus 5 points6 points ago

Jennifer Handiston

[–]htravic17x 6 points7 points ago

Christina Handricks

[–]herzskins 6 points7 points ago

Wristina Handricks

[–]bconaughty 2 points3 points ago

I call her Palm-ela Handerson. To each his own.

[–]rottedcrotch 3 points4 points ago

I like Rosie Palm and her five sisters...

[–]iama_XXL 10 points11 points ago

Not necessarily. I woke up this morning 5 minutes early. Had wood, figured wth, I'll rub one out real quick and still be on time. 10 minutes later I still hadn't finished but had to stop because I was now running late.

[–]darkneo86 15 points16 points ago

I would rather be late than unfinished.

[–]d0k3n 18 points19 points ago

Too much masturbation. This happens way more when the men is uncircumcised cause we masturbate by flippling the skin up and down the head, and the vagina does not work like that, so over time, your brain thinks that is real sex, when you get real sex, the brain is not used to it.

[–]The_Director 13 points14 points ago

Shit... that actually could explain a lot...

First round I can cum normally, second round, I swear, I can last forever unless she is damn good. Still, I'm having a great time.

Edit: now that I remember, when I was on a relationship going bareback, I didn't have this problem.

[–]Turaton 5 points6 points ago

Can confirm.

[–]LactoseGalaxy 0 points1 point ago

/noFap

You're welcome.

[–]IndianaCD 5 points6 points ago

Are you my ex? Serious.

[–]SupriseRape 4 points5 points ago

Judging by your name, you live in Indiana?

O.O maybe.

[–]IndianaCD 21 points22 points ago

My ex couldn't spell "Surprise" either. Hey buddy.

[–]Not_SlenderMan 5 points6 points ago

Looks at name

Sure.. Your "ex"

[–]GoodBananaPancakes 2 points3 points ago

Is now tagged as SurpriseRape:- 'Couldnt finish'

[–]futuramadog 47 points48 points ago

The real trouble is finding someone to have sex with who's willing

[–]lethargicwalrus 30 points31 points ago

Yep, all redditors are foreveralones.

[–]yuruku 24 points25 points ago

If only we sexed with each other ._.

[–]Atheistus 69 points70 points ago

i don't want to have sex with people like me.

[–]skylarbrosef 32 points33 points ago

I don't want to have sex with people like you either.

[–]langis_on 11 points12 points ago

Dey took our jerbs!

[–]Aubrey76 55 points56 points ago

Let's be real. We could take this down to a Game of Seconds if it were necessary.

[–]gammarayzzz 70 points71 points ago

Been there done that. Girlfriend simply put her lips around my penis and I was done for in 5 seconds. It had been a while.

[–]Aubrey76 49 points50 points ago

POW! Right in tha Kissa!

[–]stopthemeyham 43 points44 points ago

Army guy here, I know your pain...or pleasure...or whatever

[–]InvaderPhantom 20 points21 points ago

PAAAAAIN FOR PLEASUUUUURE

[–]CosmicBard 9 points10 points ago

SATAN IS HIS NAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAME

[–]imnotracist_nigrah 8 points9 points ago

HE'S THE HUNTER YOU'RE THE GAME!!

[–]learntofart 3 points4 points ago

[–]kensomniac 3 points4 points ago

On the flip side, I've never been finished with oral.

[–]paranode 13 points14 points ago

It is blown.

[–]diversionmary 6 points7 points ago

Game of Seconds: Aubrey76 is coming.

[–]7echoalpha 668 points669 points ago

Excellent. Jeremiah Johnson's confident nod juxtaposed with the idea of quick copulation produced a guffaw deep within my midsection.

[–]VTJP 259 points260 points ago

I loled as well.

[–]vsal 372 points373 points ago

[–]KyroDCK 66 points67 points ago

How have I not seen this? Am I not going to the right places of reddit?

[–]UK_Reddit_User 19 points20 points ago

I would try /r/reactiongifs or /r/gifs for this type of content

[–]KyroDCK 24 points25 points ago

I'm subbed to both and it hasn't crossed my path. I gotta say reddit I'm a little disappointed in you guys that I haven't even seen a repost of this.

[–]GenOmega 18 points19 points ago

YOU haven't...

[–]vagrantwade 16 points17 points ago

I almost broke a molar gnawing on this Lolerpop.

[–]ImBored_YoureAmorous 2 points3 points ago

Not nearly as eloquently, though.

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]M374llic4 5 points6 points ago

As soon as I put my penis away I to had a chuckle.

[–]Scipio_Africanus 25 points26 points ago

Holy shit, that's Robert Redford?

[–]Surly_Badger 16 points17 points ago

Classic movie called Jeremiah Johnson.

[–]powernut 7 points8 points ago

Liver-eatin' Johnson, Crow-killin' Johnson, a rugged mountain man was he.

[–]Surly_Badger 18 points19 points ago

Jeremiah Johnson: Y'ever get lonesome?

Bear Claw Chris Lapp: Fer what?

Jeremiah Johnson: Woman?

Bear Claw Chris Lapp: Full time night woman? I never could find no tracks on a woman's heart. I packed me a squaw for ten year, Pilgrim. Cheyenne, she were, and the meanest bitch that ever balled for beads. I lodge-poled her at Deadwood Creek, and traded her for a Hawken gun. But don't get me wrong; I loves the womens, I surely do. But I swear, a woman's breast is the hardest rock that the Almighty ever made on this earth, and I can find no sign on it.

[–]Or0ku_Saki 5 points6 points ago

Can you skin griz, pilgrim?

[–]Surly_Badger 2 points3 points ago

I can skin 'em fast as you can catch 'em!

[–]AlphaCunt 9 points10 points ago

As a none-native English speaker, I had to put a lot of effort understanding that sentence.

[–]Im_not_bob 5 points6 points ago

As a native English speaker who is tired, I also had to put a lot of effort into understanding that sentence.

[–]magicbullets 18 points19 points ago

His steely resolve and physical grace, all trustworthy beard and shimmering golden locks, resonated strongly within my own bowels, though I stopped short of defecating as a point of principle.

[–]salsa_de_tomate 9 points10 points ago

W-what? Oh god. How did I just find this out? What the hell.

[–]admisaok 8 points9 points ago

[–]steinman17 2 points3 points ago

All this time I had no idea that gif is Robert Redford. I guess I never bothered to look it up.

[–]done_holding_back 27 points28 points ago

"Honey, do you have time for a quickie?"

"That depends, can you fin-"

"DONE."

[–]TelcoBro 52 points53 points ago

This happened to me this morning!! 2 pumps in, I hear outr 5 yr old wiggling the goddam doorknob to our bedroom. That kid is such a cockblocker

[–]philcollins123 142 points143 points ago

Yeah, kids never wait their turn.

[–]SuddenlyTimewarp 71 points72 points ago

ಠ_ಠ

[–]furatail 50 points51 points ago

Hardmode: BJ.

[–]shinyhappyhead 173 points174 points ago

I always think of Zach Galifianakis when I see this gif.

[–]Menaechmus 144 points145 points ago

TIL that's not Galifinakis...

[–]GravyMcBiscuits 16 points17 points ago

Someone arrest Redford. It should be a crime to shave off such a manly beard.

[–]uptwolait 7 points8 points ago

[–]rm93 13 points14 points ago

Holy shit that's not him? Wow. I feel like as if my whole life is a lie now.

[–]Remus117 19 points20 points ago

I cant believe you just compared that pregnant man to Robert Redford ಠ_ಠ.

[–]ayohriver 1 point2 points ago

You put that much better than I could have. Redford is so smoking hot in that role and it made me laugh to think someone could confuse him for Zach Galifianakis.

[–]Scipio_Africanus 3 points4 points ago

To be fair, I had no idea. I also thought it was someone similar to Galifinakis and I'm huge fan of Redford (well more Newman but I guess Redford comes with Newman)

[–]Tippacanoe 4 points5 points ago

Am I the only one who thinks that except the beard that he doesn't look all that much like Zach Galifianakis? I guess for me it's the blond straight hair and the obviously 1970s picture quality.

[–]Koshercrab 13 points14 points ago

5 minutes? What? Does she want foreplay and cuddle time in there too?

[–]Nicombobula 10 points11 points ago

as i clicked the link "when a man loves a woman" came on pandora. i laughed that much harder.

[–]foogoo42 27 points28 points ago

I took up this challenge just the other day. It's more difficult than I believed it would be.

[–]OPsEvilTwin_S_ 56 points57 points ago

Some men think it would be awesome to last a long time no matter what.

Sometimes it is, but often it is terrible.

[–]bassivemalls 18 points19 points ago

It has its cons, but I'd much rather have delayed ejaculation than premature any day.

[–]jonathanc84 13 points14 points ago

I don't know man, if you are taking too long girls get tired and then they feel crappy because you couldn't cum. Has happened to me. :(

[–]AccountCreated4This 14 points15 points ago

No kidding. 90 minutes, probably a few orgasms for her, and in the end she has to call it quits because she's tired of getting pounded. So God damn frustrating not being able to get off during sex. Exacerbated by condoms too.

[–]Smackli 5 points6 points ago

Zoloft does that to me.

[–]AccountCreated4This 5 points6 points ago

I'm not even on any meds. :-/

I can't imagine anyone being satisfied regularly by just 5 minutes, but on the flip side 90 minutes sucks too. 20 or 30 minutes seems like it would be good.

[–]Titties 2 points3 points ago

I feel your pain, brother. I've never had an orgasm from sex. I'm 31.

[–]cypherreddit 16 points17 points ago

eh, I get my end of it done quickly, if she needs some more work I keep going until she catches up

[–]jama211 10 points11 points ago

You are a real man. Push through the pain and you can often find you can keep going for another.

[–]perfunction 3 points4 points ago

It can easily become a burden and doesn't do much for your girl's self-esteem. It really sucks when they start wanting sex multiple times in a short time frame. (By it, I mean taking too long. Not complaining about too much sex.)

[–]foreverheavy 55 points56 points ago

I can't make a window that small. It's mostly awesome. Sometimes it's annoying. I turn into the Terminator when I'm having sex. Not in how it kills quickly and mercilessly, but in the sense that it relentlessly pounds away at the main character (Vagina) for the entirety of the film (or episode, if it's a "quickie") until Vagina is so exhausted from a rollercoaster of emotions, weird positions, and explosive climaxes that Vagina can hardly take anymore. Then, much like in all Terminator movies, Vagina somehow gains the upper hand, says something clever/witty, and defeats Terminator with a solitary thrust.

Then my penis explodes. But it always comes back. VHS. DVD. Blu-Ray. 3D. Video game spinoffs. Crappy television shows. Prominent roles in government. It always finds a way to return. Vagina can run. Yes, that's what Terminator wantses.

Coming Soon

[–]Tossedinthebin 6 points7 points ago

Your quickie was shorter than the time it took for that gif to load.

[–]46n2ahead 11 points12 points ago

That's about 4:30 more than I need

[–]Shezzington 6 points7 points ago

/this is not safe for work because I just looked this up at work and I laughed quite hard and now everyone at work thinks Im not safe to be around.

[–]JonnyCams 71 points72 points ago

I will always upvote this gif. Nicely done.

[–]TheGoomba 152 points153 points ago

[–]JonnyCams 3 points4 points ago

Have an upvote good sir.

[–]radioslave 22 points23 points ago

There's never been a time where I havn't finished watching it.

[–]red321red321 25 points26 points ago

Well, whatever gets you off I guess...

[–]phoenixphaerie 6 points7 points ago

The best usage of this gif I've seen.

[–]Toph_a_loaf 6 points7 points ago

"Five minutes!?!? I said I wanted a quickie, not a marathon session."

[–]yahcodee 5 points6 points ago

My husband refuses quickies before work. The one time we did, he forgot to wear shoes to work.

[–]rob1005 3 points4 points ago

This gif gets an upvote from me wherever it appears, too good.

[–]griffith12 21 points22 points ago

you forgot the rest of the conversation.

"can you finish in 5 minutes? LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL, like I dont already know that."

[–]diversionmary 7 points8 points ago

Sure thing: face down, ass up!

[–]fellatioadvocate 9 points10 points ago

Ladies, you could all learn well from this man's wife.

[–]Monopolized 3 points4 points ago

Well did you?

[–]vi0lentpacifist 3 points4 points ago

"Challenge accepted."

[–]newtothelyte 12 points13 points ago

So we're just upvoting the title?

[–]darktemplardude 3 points4 points ago

Yep. Get onboard!

[–]naymlis 6 points7 points ago

then she gets mad when you only last 5 minutes

[–]pizzlewizzle 7 points8 points ago

I've never had her get mad at 5 minutes. That's usually long enough for both.

[–]BlueRofl 0 points1 point ago

I love how the gif took a good minute to complete. Now you've only got 4 minutes to save the world.

[–]travellerw 3 points4 points ago

Lucky bastard.. Got to do it twice...

[–]clubsoda_with_lime 1 point2 points ago

Sounds like the Nic Cage sequel to 'Gone in 60 Sixty Seconds'

[–]capnjack78 1 point2 points ago

You just wasted 30 seconds nodding slowly like that.

[–]8HokiePokie8 0 points1 point ago

Thank you SO much! This is my absolute favorite gif of all time (I know, it's kinda simple, but it cracks me the fuck up EVERY TIME) but people rarely find a good use for it. You sir, have nailed it on the head. So thanks OP.

[–]CaptScarbridge 0 points1 point ago

This gif = amazing.

[–]bmanCO 2 points3 points ago

I have no idea why I love this gif so much, but I just never tire of seeing it.

[–]guiltyspark7 1 point2 points ago

yay for reposts.

[–]TheGreatWhitehorse 4 points5 points ago

How in the EFF have so many people NOT seen Jeremiah Johnson?

[–]OFFICER_REPOST 6 points7 points ago

What are you, 12? Every one of your posts has to do with sex.

[–]joelseph 22 points23 points ago

Sometimes it's best to face your fears.

[–]prodigium 4 points5 points ago

TIL 12 year olds are getting a lot of sex?

[–]ilostmykeystoday 4 points5 points ago

one of my all time favorite .gifs. it's never not funny.

[–]alexscof -2 points-1 points ago

I'm so sick of seeing the same gifs over and over again.

[–]wintremute 2 points3 points ago

She'd still have 4 minutes left to make a sandwich.

[–]Roommates69 3 points4 points ago

Don't own nearly enough upvotes for how much I laughed

[–]The_Alex_ 2 points3 points ago

I'm starting to see a trend here.

Step 1: Find over used gif. or picture OR just find an ordinary picture (Ex: A cat staring at some cat nip) Bonus points if it fits both criteria

Step 2: Come up with a fake backstory to give your picture or gif. a context that makes it 'funny'

Step3:???

Step 4: Profit.

It's not even just r/funny. Even r/pics has ordinary pictures with made up backstories for titles that make the picture somehow special.

[–]pooterpon 6 points7 points ago

  1. Someone points this out.
  2. Reddit downvotes.
  3. Back to backslapping eachother and circlejerking
  4. Reddit proves once again that they're not one for originality or discusions

[–]Sacharified 2 points3 points ago

Just look at his username... It's so fucking easy

[–]anonymizzle 1 point2 points ago

I don't know why, but this has to be one of my favorite gifs.

[–]Endyo 0 points1 point ago

One of the few gifs that I watch entirely every time it comes up.

[–]callipygian_idealist 1 point2 points ago

On average, i could do it five times.

[–]josephanthony 0 points1 point ago

"Do you even have to ask...?"

[–]Coolala2002 0 points1 point ago

Phht, everyone knows it's okay to be late for work if quickies are involved.

[–]AGlegg 0 points1 point ago

creative thinking, well done!

[–]TILAHHAKEN 0 points1 point ago

Oh god. Just had a milky seizure.

[–]NoLegsLunatic 0 points1 point ago

xvideos gets the job done

[–]Nero920 0 points1 point ago

Must have been satisfying

[–]thatrobman 1 point2 points ago

this title is just perfect

[–]MastrWigar 1 point2 points ago

This made my day

[–]finishedatlast 1 point2 points ago

Great post, just gets better with repeat views.

[–]awsomenoughsaid 0 points1 point ago

Hahaha, a solemn and taciturn understanding underscored by sarcasm. Brilliant.

[–]keith_weaver -1 points0 points ago

Funny. I attempted this very thing, this very morning. Not to brag, but I needed more time.

[–]EpicPixelboy 1 point2 points ago

I love it when GIFS like this load slow. It makes the climax so much more dramatic.

[–]Likestechlongtime 1 point2 points ago

"Sure! I'll even leave you 4 minutes to get dressed again!"

[–]jodobrowo 0 points1 point ago

I imagine you, laying there mid-bj thinking of this gif and laughing out loud.

[–]ImJustRick 2 points3 points ago

You mean you did it FIVE TIMES?!

[–]Ecco_sings 1 point2 points ago

Jeremiah Johnson!!

[–]uSeeWhatiDidThere 1 point2 points ago

Pressed the back button as soon as I saw Jerimiah Johnson. I've seen this gif way to many times, but nontheless the joke was pretty funny.

[–]jonasbjarki 1 point2 points ago

Upvote because I love that film. "Are you sure that you can skin grizz?!"

[–]afipunk84 1 point2 points ago

Something about this .gif makes me laugh every time i see it. This is by far the best use of it i've seen. Bravo OP

[–]DallyJaxson 1 point2 points ago

This is the only repost im glad to see multiple times.

[–]n00dleb00tz 0 points1 point ago

[–]SweetMangos 1 point2 points ago

I don't know why, but I always have to watch the whole thing.

[–]wanderso24 1 point2 points ago

How romantic.

[–]ggg730 0 points1 point ago

You just wasted 30 seconds watching that clip so it looks like we're right on schedule.

[–]Brickfrigid 0 points1 point ago

Snuggled