If anyone here is an experienced baker that also likes to bake (man, i'm punny). Here's an actual brownie recipe that you may like (it's a slight change from Alton Brown's in case anyone was wondering =]):

3-4 Eggs (4 if smaller, 3 is rather large)

3/4 Cup Sugar (use powdered, if possible it mixes nice)

3/4 Cup Brown Sugar (attempt to sift it)

1 Cup Cocoa Powder (sift it)

8 (2 sticks) Ounces of Butter (Canna-butter works, do not under any circumstances use Canna-oil, vegetable or otherwise. Butter is better, not fucking margarine, BUTTER)

1 teaspoon PURE vanilla extract (do not use fake extract it tastes like dick)

1/2 cup flour (sifted)

1/2 teaspoon KOSHER salt (do not use table salt, or sea salt. Use Kosher. If you don't own kosher salt you're a Nazi).

Directions:

Beat eggs and sugar together until it's fluffy. (add vanilla DO NOT ADD SALT)

SLOWLY add your melted butter (let the butter COOL first, or you will COOK the eggs)

Sift Dry ingredients together (flour, cocoa, salt)

SLOWLY and in quarter increments FOLD your dry ingredients into the wet stuff. Eventually you'll have a LUMPY brownie batter. Do NOT under any circumstances mix it until it's SMOOTH. You want it lumpy yet well-mixed (no dry ingredients left dry, got it?)

Now you can grease and lightly flour your pan. Or you could line the bottom with parchment paper. Whatever floats your boat. Personally i like to bake in glass opposed to metal pans. I use an 8x8 glass pan for this recipe and bake it until the tried and true toothpick test comes out positive.

Options:

• Do you want a PEANUT-BUTTER SWIRL?!

Take 1/2 Cup Peanut-Butter and 1/2 Cup powdered sugar and beat it together

(To measure 1/2 cup of PB either, eye ball it, or take a measuring cup, fill it with 1/2 cup water and add dollops of peanut butter until it measures 1 cup. Volumetric Displacement, motherfucker)

• Do you want a CHEESECAKE SWIRL?!

1/2 cup cream cheese + 1/4 Ricotta + 1/4 Marscapone + 1/2 cup Powdered sugar and beat it together.

Take your respective swirl and use a rubber spatula to swirl it into the poured mix. Shit's tight.

• Do you like KAHLUA? Do you like BANANANANAANANAANSSSSS?

Take 2 bananas, wrap them in tin foil, roast them in the oven for 15 minutes. Open them and mash them in a bowl. Add 2-5 shots of Kahlua. Add to the mix after you fold dry in dry ingredients.

(If you're not adding a swirl, you might want to up the sugars in the main recipe to 1 cup each, i personally do not, as they come out pretty damn sweet)