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1499
1500

Dolphins vs. Women (imgur.com)

submitted ago by A_for_Anonymous

top 200 commentsshow all 220
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[–]dustypuppy 312 points313 points ago

Endlessly ejaculate... Holy shit.

[–]FlatlanderMachine 79 points80 points ago

This song provides the same effect for the human species : http://snoopnyetheslamguysatisfaction.ytmnd.com/

[–]SmartAssX 67 points68 points ago

ITS WORKING TOO WELLL UUUGHHGUGHGUGHG

[–]nrfx 14 points15 points ago

WARNING: The requested page is blocked due to a security policy that prohibits access to Category Criminal Skills.

I just wet myself. Criminal Skills?

[–]VeteranKamikaze 7 points8 points ago

Because the lyrics advise you to "When the pigs (police) try to get at you, park it like its hot."

[–]rjc34 7 points8 points ago

Literally just put this together for Katawa Bros.

[–]Zerothe0 10 points11 points ago

http://i.minus.com/ibpMsraS0LQqYT.gif

[–]MudkipBaws 0 points1 point ago

Holy fuck that's amazing. Great job, man.

[–]rjc34 0 points1 point ago

I don't take credit for the song or image though. Song is from here, and image is from here.

[–]AlphaQRough 1 point2 points ago

New mother fucking home page

[–]WendyLRogers3 0 points1 point ago

I'm thinking the extended version of Donna Summer's Love to Love You Baby

[–]FlatlanderMachine 6 points7 points ago

But she doesn't even know what love is... What is love ?

http://whatisslam.ytmnd.com/

[–]Saint947 1 point2 points ago

Ladies and gents, we have a winner.

[–]dioxholster 25 points26 points ago

i need to believe

[–]Bawbaggins 8 points9 points ago

Belief will get you nowhere, only cold hard evidence will.

So I suppose you better go fuck a dolphin!

Also report back to the rest of us afterwards, great science is built on the shoulders of giants after all.

[–]Cyberboss_JHCB/v/ 15 points16 points ago

Instaboner

[–]rx25 139 points140 points ago

Why can't we extract this chemical that causes endless ejaculation?

[–]Quazz 239 points240 points ago

Because people would drown in semen.

[–]xenophobias 72 points73 points ago

100% of porn stars would choke to death.

[–]Azumikkel 52 points53 points ago

The streets would flood

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]KonyHawkProSkater/mu/ 5 points6 points ago

At first I got upset at the idea of having to click that link because RES didn't have a preview. Then, I read the link and didn't have to.

[–]Phistagon 1 point2 points ago

what was it? he was banned for that post

[–]KonyHawkProSkater/mu/ 2 points3 points ago

Randy Marsh covered in semen.

[–]ABloodyEnglishman 0 points1 point ago

He wasn't banned, that's just what comes up when a user deletes their comment

[–]TurtleSandbox 128 points129 points ago

Because it doesn't exist. Most of the other things are real though, including #1.

Also, groups of dolphins are known to gang rape other dolphins and males are known to have gay sex.

[–]DerMurg 104 points105 points ago

Hickory, dickory dock. The dolphin loves the cock.

WOAHOHOOOOOOOOO!

[–]bmfa02 17 points18 points ago

WOAHOHOOOOOOOOO

[–]Hovesh 0 points1 point ago

WOAHOHOOOOOOOOO!

[–]Danno1850 3 points4 points ago

what's the comedian's name, totally forgot

EDIT: I wish the community would help me out here, still no idea what this comedian's name is

[–]Bank_Gothic 11 points12 points ago

Andrew Dice Clay

[–]thefuckdude 5 points6 points ago

i think it might be Andrew Dice Clay, not sure though.

[–]iluhbewbies 7 points8 points ago

Andrew Dice Clay

[–]FAGPERNICUS 4 points5 points ago

Andrew Dice Clay

[–]AcerRubrum/mlp/ 3 points4 points ago

Andrew Dice Clay

[–]BloodRedSumo 3 points4 points ago

Andrew Dice Clay

[–]xxfay6 3 points4 points ago

Andrew Dice Clay

[–]WhiteTiger1100 0 points1 point ago

Louis C.K.

[–]TheSpiffySpaceman 52 points53 points ago

Well #1 is real, but human women can do it also (Kegel exercises, contractions of the pelvic floor muscles). It's just more necessary for dolphins because.....well, have you ever tried fucking anything underwater?

[–]dioxholster 72 points73 points ago

we were fish before we can be fish again

[–]noPENGSinALASKA 9 points10 points ago

Yes, if you want the real facts about fucking a dolphin go to r/dolphinfap

[–]fuck_this_fuck_you 7 points8 points ago

I'm sad that a subreddit such as /r/dolphinfap exists

[–]arbuthnot-lane 1 point2 points ago

Do you not remember dolphinsex.org?
Not sure if it's still up and not inclined to check on this machine, but it was a fascinating site.

[–]io_di/b/ 3 points4 points ago

http://web.archive.org/web/200102010724/http://www.dolphinsex.org/

[–]thefuckdude 1 point2 points ago

i do not know how i think about this

[–]FAGPERNICUS 1 point2 points ago

The site no longer exists under the original domain but I'm pretty sure it's archived out there somewhere. It's a piece of internet history... Like Eat Hufu and Goatse.

[–]fuck_this_fuck_you 0 points1 point ago

I'm sure it was

[–]vivestalin 10 points11 points ago

Uh... women have muscles in our vaginas that we can manipulate to make the experience more pleasurable. Might not be noticeable for shrinky dinks, but they're still real.

[–]SHIT_IN_HER_CUNT 14 points15 points ago

you know the rules

[–]Legitimidget 11 points12 points ago

and so do I

[–]Forey 7 points8 points ago

a full commitment's what I'm thinking of

[–]SHIT_IN_HER_CUNT 6 points7 points ago

open the door get on the floor?

[–]WhiteTiger1100 0 points1 point ago

Everybody walk the dinosaur!

[–]WhiteTiger1100 0 points1 point ago

DEM RULES

[–]niinjaniinja 5 points6 points ago

But can we ride you through the ocean?

[–]CptTinFoil 3 points4 points ago

There's the door.

[–]io_di/b/ 0 points1 point ago

Yes, but not in the way dolphins can.

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]Azumikkel 27 points28 points ago

If you left, reddit would suck less

load more comments (2 replies)

    [–]EasterTroll 55 points56 points ago

    Where is the obligatory link to that tutorial site?

    ...Ill do it...

    http://www.insolitology.com/guides/fuckdolphin.htm

    [–]Tehan 19 points20 points ago

    That's just a review of the tutorial, here's a copy of the original tutorial.

    [–]swrdswllngwhr/x/ 7 points8 points ago

    That was actually incredibly touching. After awhile you forget you're even reading about a man sneaking into aquariums to fuck dolphins.

    [–]brainpower4 6 points7 points ago

    ....That guy is pretty weird, even by internet standards, but good for him if he isn't just a troll. He honestly seems to care about the animals.

    What am I saying? GAAAAAYYYYYYYYY

    [–]macgyverftw 0 points1 point ago

    Shit. Now I want to do that too.

    [–]Abezilla116/b/ 18 points19 points ago

    I have learned so much.

    [–]Brimlife 2 points3 points ago

    The reason i love the internet.

    How to fuck a dolphin = Obligatory

    [–]AibohPhobiA 0 points1 point ago

    Came here for this, was not let down.

    [–]magister0 25 points26 points ago

    implying dolphins can't be women

    Check your cis-species privilege

    [–]doomsday3000 25 points26 points ago

    I want to fuck a dolphin now.

    [–]powernut 14 points15 points ago

    Downside: dolphins have no thumbs and thus can't play console games with you or make you a sammich...not that women are doing those things for you now.

    [–]JohnnyHammerstix 7 points8 points ago

    Upside: dolphins can't show up at your house to bitch that you haven't called them.

    [–]doomsday3000 0 points1 point ago

    That is beautiful.

    [–][deleted] 71 points72 points ago

    You had me at "endlessly ejaculate."

    [–]TripleJ 39 points40 points ago

    You had me at 'Dolphin'.

    [–]I_Was_LarryVlad/v/ 19 points20 points ago

    They made me hard at "Smarter than women"

    [–]Badwoolf/b/ 26 points27 points ago

    You lost me at "dolphins are more intelligent then women."

    [–]HelpHelp 34 points35 points ago

    Man next time I'm at the bar and I see a dolphbitch I'm gonna say EEE-ERRR, -ERRR EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE CLICK CLICK CLICK and get my dick wet yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

    [–]MUGARO 79 points80 points ago

    I'm too lazy to google/research it, but elaborate on this endlessly ejaculate thing.

    [–]NBAallstar 103 points104 points ago

    It's not true.

    [–]Conquerer/v/ 11 points12 points ago

    Dammit. Anon was making me wish I was a dolphin for a minute.

    Well, on second thought I still do. Just not right now, a thousand years ago would be better.

    [–]barium111 1 point2 points ago

    Im guessing that would only happen if you have more material to ejaculate. Solution inject "material" into your balls with a needle

    [–]WhiteTiger1100 0 points1 point ago

    Damn that was a risky click.

    load more comments (6 replies)

      [–]dcsnutz 14 points15 points ago

      http://i.imgur.com/pH6gl.gif

      [–]TheJucheisLoose 9 points10 points ago

      Yep, you can just ejaculate forever with a dolphin! 100% true and accurate. Your balls will just continuously produce a substance from nothing in complete violation of all laws of physics and biology. Legit.

      [–]zombiezelda 85 points86 points ago

      I can definitely control my vaginal muscles.

      [–]Badwoolf/b/ 49 points50 points ago

      Yeah, it's a thing. Most chicks can do it, they develop the muscles really early in life when they have to pee and they try hard to hold it. I guess how much can you really expect OP to know about (human) female sexuality.

      [–]mabonuob/ck/ 7 points8 points ago

      Why hello there.

      [–]thawizard 21 points22 points ago

      Guess who likes you.

      More seriously, we need to talk.

      [–]hullobirdy 7 points8 points ago

      Same, and I'm pretty sure it's not an uncommon thing.

      [–]Belsher 1 point2 points ago

      Yea it is, my ex gf also could control them, it's pretty awesome.

      Just like guys can also make our dicks "jump" up when we contract that muscle we have behind our penis. (Pelvis muscle? I have no idea, but I think its the same one that ladies use to squeeze their parts)

      [–]zombiezelda -4 points-3 points ago

      Yup my boyfriend can do it!

      [–]_0_O_ 5 points6 points ago

      When I read that... I knew the op was a virgin.

      [–]Poop_is_Food 16 points17 points ago

      yeah but are you more intelligent then a dolphin?

      [–]zombiezelda 8 points9 points ago

      Than?..

      [–]macgyverftw 1 point2 points ago

      That isn't proof yet.

      [–]Koernchen 4 points5 points ago

      That's not your vagina muscles, it's your pelvic muscles. You cannot control vagina muscles consciously, as they are innervated by vegetative nerves.....

      [–]enigmaurora -2 points-1 points ago

      Do your Kegels, ladies!

      [–]seanthomson2 26 points27 points ago

      The irony when the OP writes "dolphins are more intelligent then women" instead of than, and has previously written plural instead of singular...

      [–]_zurich 22 points23 points ago

      He never said they weren't also more intelligent than men...

      [–]neverlu -1 points0 points ago

      Don't forget that he can't tell the difference between a woman and women. Seeing "a women" several times on that post made me read it in a caveman voice.

      [–]Xisayg/wg/ 4 points5 points ago

      Didn't some dude get his dick ripped off after trying to fuck a Dolphin?

      [–]io_di/b/ 1 point2 points ago

      sauce?

      [–]Xisayg/wg/ 0 points1 point ago

      Going to be quite the adventure trying to find a screen cap. Btw, if you google this; there are some sorts of references to it but it's proving to be a rather challenging quest.

      [–]CorruptHope 4 points5 points ago

      Brb going to seaworld

      [–]BatTitties 31 points32 points ago

      Why?

      Boobs. That's why.

      [–]Erdrick27 132 points133 points ago

      Blowhole. Checkmate humanfags.

      [–]Abezilla116/b/ 28 points29 points ago

      "Come on, let me fuck that blow hole! You can breathe out your mouth."

      [–]randyrectem 9 points10 points ago

      It's not worth the saltwater residue on your balls

      [–]Admiral_Spanky 4 points5 points ago

      "Heavy risk... but the priiiize"

      [–]AlphaQRough 2 points3 points ago

      Look at this... like sneaking into the captain's quarters

      [–]bacasarus_rex/pol/ 0 points1 point ago

      Touché dolphin touché

      [–]dsmelser 1 point2 points ago

      http://humansrule.ytmnd.com/

      [–]mistalazer 5 points6 points ago

      http://wetgoddess.net/

      [–]Cardboard_Mantis 7 points8 points ago

      Endless ejaculation fluid eh? I sense a business opportunity . . .

      [–]cbk11 1 point2 points ago

      *Step 1: Get Dolphin *Step 2: Endless ejaculate *Step 3: ??? *Step 4: Profit!!!!

      [–]CatsinNebulas 19 points20 points ago

      For starters, I can manipulate my vaginal muscles to enhance pleasure. I'm pretty sure a lot of women can.

      [–]Abezilla116/b/ 60 points61 points ago

      So you're saying you just refuse to?

      [–]Poop_is_Food 8 points9 points ago

      BOOM!

      [–]dioxholster 22 points23 points ago

      no you cant

      [–]BluShine 4 points5 points ago

      It's almost as if OP is some kind of person who has sex with men. If only there was some sort of term for this...

      [–]Koernchen 4 points5 points ago

      No, you can't. What you mean are your pelvic muscles, dear. Vaginal muscles cannot be controlled consciously as they are innervated by vegetative nerves.....damnit women, know you anatomy!!!!

      [–]Antije -1 points0 points ago

      Yep. That is not some kinda of rare thing....

      [–]Suddenly_Something -1 points0 points ago

      Squeezing tight =/= more pleasure.

      [–]Poop_is_Food 2 points3 points ago

      it does for me

      [–]Dajbman22 0 points1 point ago

      It's more about the rhythm of contracting and releasing than just the tightness.

      [–]Treees -5 points-4 points ago

      Do you think the truth will ever matter to these people?

      [–]a1pha_ 7 points8 points ago

      Do you not realize what subreddit you are in? Go back to SRS.

      [–]swaguar44 3 points4 points ago

      Boobs. This is why. Dolphin's just need to grow titties.

      [–]10z20Luka/sp/ 8 points9 points ago

      http://muchosucko.com/43638/trainer-loves-his-dolphin

      [–]ginjah_ninjah 7 points8 points ago

      i can safely say that this is something I've never witnessed before, and for that I thank you

      [–]Mr_Matthew 2 points3 points ago

      And, they can do flips and shit

      [–]Koernchen 3 points4 points ago

      1 only partially true. We cannot control vaginal muscles, BUT pelvic muscles.

      2 are human males effected by this substance?

      4 oh hey you want to cheat but your partner can't?

      7 ever seen a woman on her period after her mother called?

      12 while trying to ride the dolphin, you will drown. A dolphin can hold his breath longer than a human.

      13 like in any other race, the intelligence of individuals varies. So yes, an average dolphin is probably smarter than a dumb woman, but an intelligent women is smarter than an intelligent dolphin.

      [–]thecloudswillattack 7 points8 points ago

      OP is 100 percent fucking correct

      [–]RedBandolier 45 points46 points ago

      no he's 100 percent fucking dolphins

      [–]eaclark2 2 points3 points ago

      I cant even argue with that, his logic is flawless

      [–]xdavien 0 points1 point ago

      Because one hasn't raped me yet.

      [–]oskyyo 0 points1 point ago

      Women can so manipulate their vaginal muscles in order to provide maximum sexual pleasure. It's called pompoir.

      [–]Higev 0 points1 point ago

      This was posted months ago when it was actually new, fuck off OP.

      Edit: new as in this particular image

      [–]Slagar10 21 points22 points ago

      new

      Dolphin threads have been posted for years, and they're all the same.

      [–]dioxholster 4 points5 points ago

      before ponies, it was jus dolphines and picachio.

      [–]Ennpitsu -1 points0 points ago

      How could this be new months ago when the woman vs. dolphin argument is years old?

      [–]coffiong1 0 points1 point ago

      I wonder what scientist is out there finding out this stuff.

      [–]Lightfiend 2 points3 points ago

      /b/ scientist

      [–]coolkidsam 0 points1 point ago

      Well someone works at Sea World.

      [–]emocol 0 points1 point ago

      reminds me of this thread where a guy posted himself fucking a dolphin at seaworld or something (he was a trainer). it could have been a killer whale. would be grateful if someone could find it.

      [–]Abrinjoe 0 points1 point ago

      I have drawn this photo years ago, i'm pretty sure I made it into stencil, B&W.

      [–]EggoFreak 1 point2 points ago

      Someone commented on an old post that if you were to fuck a dolphin it would rip your penis apart.

      [–]ThunderGyra/b/ 0 points1 point ago

      I guess it's time to head to my local aquarium.

      [–]9babydill 1 point2 points ago

      OP raises a good question. why haven't you fucked a Dolphin yet?

      [–]lotictrance -1 points0 points ago

      This, and Dan Marino, are all of the reasons why I'm a Miami fan.

      [–]nuxenolith 0 points1 point ago

      Women have tits.

      /thread

      [–]DancesWithDaleks 0 points1 point ago

      I'd just like to point out that the first one, about tightening your vaginal muscles for maximum pleasure? Girls can do that. It's called kegels and it's something you can work out. Some have no ability to control it but others (myself included) and clench and unclench in a way you can feel.

      [–]fuckfart -1 points0 points ago

      1 is false.

      Source: I'm a woman who can contract my muscles to make myself have orgasms. Multiple ones.

      [–]Epicshark 0 points1 point ago

      What about pocket whales?

      [–]throwweigh1212 0 points1 point ago

      Eh, but are they better than horses?

      [–]tothebrothel 0 points1 point ago

      sound logic.

      [–]nothronesneeded 0 points1 point ago

      Dolphins are slippery when wet.

      [–]PastaOfMuppets/mu/ 1 point2 points ago

      I... I wish you could fuck. Like dolphins... like dolphins can fuck.

      [–]straightedgefred 0 points1 point ago

      "You can ride on dolphins through the ocean." Almost had a heartattack by that one.

      [–]rediesel 1 point2 points ago

      dolphindate.com - find sexy single dolphins in your area ready to pound

      [–]SkepticalSagan 1 point2 points ago

      You know... that question really got stuck onto me.

      Why haven't I fucked a dolphin yet?

      [–]HamHockShortDock 0 points1 point ago

      I think...I'm a Dolphin.

      [–]Imakecoffee 0 points1 point ago

      Women CAN do that first one though...

      [–]Smelly_ 0 points1 point ago

      Implying that I haven't fucked a dolphin

      [–]jeffsballs 1 point2 points ago

      And now I want to have sex with a dolphin...

      [–]NefariousBanana/mu/ 0 points1 point ago

      The dolphins will just take over humanity and force us all into the sea like that one Simpsons episode

      [–]Rikkushin/int/ 1 point2 points ago

      BRB, seaworld

      [–]eldorann 0 points1 point ago

      I remember when Howard Stern interviewed a man who wrote a book about a sexual relationship with dolphins.

      [–]AlexthePwner/pol/ 0 points1 point ago

      tfw no dolphin

      [–]hekol95 0 points1 point ago

      I want to be a dolphin. Obviously like many others in this post.

      [–]Oftwoug_Weilder 0 points1 point ago

      Yes, but they also rape and murder for fun. Just putting that out there.

      [–]bassivemalls 0 points1 point ago

      Implying I haven't fucked a dolphin before

      [–]BurntTheToast 0 points1 point ago

      Some guy fell for that. Its contracted and ripped off his glans.

      [–]ireallylikedolphins 1 point2 points ago

      I swear to god dolphins are the best fucking animal in the world.

      [–]Badwoolf/b/ 2 points3 points ago

      I swear to god, dolphins are the most overrated animal in the world (after those stupid shit-eating elephants, think they're so great...).

      [–]lotictrance 1 point2 points ago

      Fuck you, dolphins can wear a helmet and beat a Bengal tiger.

      Look how pissed-off that motherfucker is.

      [–]BornOld 1 point2 points ago

      Says "Dolphins are more intelligent then women" would help if the sentence grammatically correct.

      [–]AREYOUSauRuS 2 points3 points ago

      would help if the sentence grammatically correct.

      [–]BearEngineer/b/ -1 points0 points ago

      You know what is better than fucking a dolphin?

      Fucking a burning dolphin!

      [–]nightrunner_ks/g/ 2 points3 points ago

      2spooky

      [–]EDJE 1 point2 points ago

      Women have tits.

      [–]4realthistime 1 point2 points ago

      tits, tahts why

      [–]talon999 -1 points0 points ago

      A good point indeed, do dolphins carry STDs?

      [–]darkdruid 24 points25 points ago

      Crabs.

      [–]talon999 0 points1 point ago

      Too late now.

      [–]RJPennyweather -1 points0 points ago

      And now I want to fuck a dolphin.

      [–]neoconfection -1 points0 points ago

      I wish I could upvote this 100 times

      [–][deleted] ago

      [deleted]

      [–]shoegazer666 3 points4 points ago

      Well, you can just eat them after you fuck them. Dolphin sandwich anyone?

      [–]StrawberrieDream -2 points-1 points ago

      Because dolphins can't make you sandwiches.

      [–]archemedes_rex 0 points1 point ago

      I haven't fucked a dolphin yet because:

      A: They're not my species.

      B: I'LL DROWN!

      [–]zoso4evr 0 points1 point ago

      Reposted every year in autumn, a bevy of the interspecies curious spawn anew, drawn like the salmon of Capistrano to the promise of endless ejaculate. Soon they will acquire fur and internet relationships with those of their ilk, and migrate as one to find the seclusion of an Indianapolis Red Roof Inn- it is here that an elaborate mating ritual takes place.

      [–]2high4shit -2 points-1 points ago

      Old post is old.

      [–]drbr0wn 0 points1 point ago

      "Beastiality is a crime." - my female friend

      [–][deleted] ago

      [deleted]

      [–]Lodann 5 points6 points ago

      Its very poetic! but as far as yoda quotes goes, I'd say LIES/10

      load more comments (8 replies)

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