this post was submitted on
1,368 points (64% like it)
2,965 up votes 1,597 down votes

funny

subscribe2,540,752 readers

11,941 users here now

Reminder: Political posts are not permitted in /r/funny. Try /r/PoliticalHumor instead!

NEW! No gore or porn (including sexually graphic images). Other NSFW content must be tagged as such

Welcome to r/Funny:

You may only post if you are funny.

Please No:

  • posts with their sole purpose being to communicate with another redditor. Click for an Example.

  • Screenshots of reddit comment threads. Post a link with context to /r/bestof or /r/defaultgems if from a default subreddit instead.

  • Posts for the specific point of it being your reddit birthday.

  • Politics - This includes the 2012 Presidential candidates or bills in congress.

  • Rage comics - Go to /fffffffuuuuuuuuuuuu instead.

  • Memes - Go to /r/AdviceAnimals or /r/Memes instead.

  • Demotivational posters - Go to /r/Demotivational instead.

  • Pictures of just text - Make a self post instead.

  • DAE posts - Go to /r/doesanybodyelse

  • eCards - the poll result was 55.02% in favor of removal. Please submit eCards to /r/ecards

  • URL shorteners - No link shorteners (or HugeURL) in either post links or comments. They will be deleted regardless of intent.

Rehosted webcomics will be removed. Please submit a link to the original comic's site and preferably an imgur link in the comments. Do not post a link to the comic image, it must be linked to the page of the comic. (*) (*)

Need more? Check out:

Still need more? See Reddit's best / worst and offensive joke collections (warning: some of those jokes are offensive / nsfw!).


Please DO NOT post personal information. This includes anything hosted on Facebook's servers, as they can be traced to the original account holder.


If your submission appears to be banned, please don't just delete it as that makes the filter hate you! Instead please send us a message with a link to the post. We'll unban it and it should get better. Please allow 10 minutes for the post to appear before messaging moderators


The moderators of /r/funny reserve the right to moderate posts and comments at their discretion, with regard to their perception of the suitability of said posts and comments for this subreddit. Thank you for your understanding.


CSS - BritishEnglishPolice ©2011

a community for

reddit is a source for what's new and popular online. vote on links that you like or dislike and help decide what's popular, or submit your own! learn more ›

all 107 comments

[–]conanarama 83 points84 points ago

I'm tempted to resubmit this as "best toy ever!" ;-)

[–]DrDam 18 points19 points ago

For girls, yes

[–]Oh4Sh0 21 points22 points ago

You may not believe it, but plenty of boys/men get off by sticking things in their rectum, as well.

[–]megusta228 8 points9 points ago

That's because the prostate is the male G-Spot

The More You Know

[–]MrGMinor 20 points21 points ago

My penis is my G spot thanks very much.

[–]bbuttar 8 points9 points ago

must have a really big hole on your penis for that to go in !!

[–]nameless912 2 points3 points ago

kids in a sandbox.

[–]imhometakemedrunk 1 point2 points ago

Sounding -

The practice of a male inserting a foreign object, or another appendage, into the urethra.

[–]middlefingerraised 1 point2 points ago

"ooouch". ET gets arrested for "fixing" Eliot's pee pee

[–]JefferyFrank 0 points1 point ago

[–]AnaPelotas 0 points1 point ago

Nope, I'm not going there again.

[–]fe3o4 -1 points0 points ago

yes, keep the sand away from that area... ouch !

[–]ShadowEnigma 0 points1 point ago

Then clearly you've never stimulated your prostate or you'd realize what it can do when working in tandem with your penis. :-P

[–]PhilbertMcFilibuster -1 points0 points ago

I worked in an ER years ago. I can confirm there are some real special talent out there.

[–]pretends2bhuman 0 points1 point ago

Once you go ET you never go back.

[–]Yeah-Reality-bites 2 points3 points ago

I came for this.

[–]SgtShinySides 5 points6 points ago

The toy or the comment?

[–]Yeah-Reality-bites 2 points3 points ago

the comment but I guess I can get the toy too.

[–]peoriabigred -1 points0 points ago

Reference is to the toy getting you off... if not then it should be.

[–]ProbablyNotLying 0 points1 point ago

Came for it?

[–]yudoit[S] 0 points1 point ago

De gustibus non est disputandum

[–]Heep_Purple 0 points1 point ago

You shouldn't talk about taste? About taste shouldn't be discussed? Or did i translate wrong? (Translating fron latin to dutch to english is hard)

[–]Keep_Askin 3 points4 points ago

Gerundivum! non est disputandum = dat moet niet bediscusseerd worden. Yudoit maakt een fout; bij gerundivum moet het onderwerp in de nominativus.

Should be: Gustus non disputandum

TL;DR: yudoit, yurdoinitwrong

[–]Dexter_of_Trees 3 points4 points ago

Wait so how did you catch your tampon on fire?

[–]Heep_Purple 4 points5 points ago

About a month ago, but then it became a bushfire. It was a true tragedy. She wanted to try if those cords could act as fuses, but she forgot they were soaked in alcohol, and the rest, as they say, is history.

[–]intensely_human 2 points3 points ago

herstory

[–]Heep_Purple 0 points1 point ago

Er mag est bij, dat is wel gebruikelijk bij een gerundivum van verplichting. - Dea non laedenda est - Een Godin mag niet beledigd worden _________________________-____________________________________ You can add est, or a form of esse, as is usual at this kind of gerundivum -Dea non laedenda est -You can't mock a godess

[–]jeroenemans 0 points1 point ago

gymnasiumpikkies

[–]flyingmonkieees 1 point2 points ago

My thoughts exactly! :p

[–]IvanEedle 0 points1 point ago

Steely Dan's less popular cousin.

[–]mul4mbo 0 points1 point ago

[–]conanarama 1 point2 points ago

I had one of those as a kid and loved it. Never occurred to me the delightful possibilities it possessed!

[–]IPickOnYou 20 points21 points ago

ZOMG!

I OWNED ONE OF THOSE!

Being actually kinda floppy, they were most useful for whacking siblings in the head.

[–]chpper 14 points15 points ago

I had one too. I am now scanning all my childhood memories of it and drowning in the embarrassment.

[–]CookPu 13 points14 points ago

Did you ever lose it only to find it later in your parents bedroom?

[–]comrade_leviathan 14 points15 points ago

No, the dishwasher.

[–]AnSolo 6 points7 points ago

I'm gonna run this through again on pots and pans...

[–]Riskae 1 point2 points ago

...probably some extra soap too...

[–]eyewatchyousleep 2 points3 points ago

For lack of a better way of putting it, the tip's pretty hard! i wouldn't like that finger to the temple.

[–]fe3o4 1 point2 points ago

...that's what she said too !

[–]thehighhobo 9 points10 points ago

Best toy ever, if you have a vagina

[–]CptSpiffyPanda 5 points6 points ago

you clearly never heard of the squiggle-wiggle pen

[–]paetactics 2 points3 points ago

Mmm yes the vibrator marketed to teenage girls...

[–]T3mporaryGold 0 points1 point ago

Wouldn't the pen poke you?

[–]BaconSquared 1 point2 points ago

The end won't.

[–]Dhex 0 points1 point ago

But... Everyone has a, well, you know.

[–]paetactics 0 points1 point ago

buttvag

[–]Tycolosis 0 points1 point ago

I just know lots of girls used this as.

[–]SoloJones 7 points8 points ago

[–]timlars 4 points5 points ago

Does it vibrate?

[–]oskyyo 4 points5 points ago

Yeah, I'm leaning towards best toy ever.

[–]lomonikon 4 points5 points ago

your mom seems to like it

[–]nooknstuff 3 points4 points ago

I'm dyslexic and I read the caption as "Finger grows when pressed".

[–]reddit_user13 1 point2 points ago

I'm Japanese and that sounds about right.

[–]DHK83 2 points3 points ago

I enjoy the fact that it is made by a company called Knickerbocker. This adds a whole new connotation to the phrase Knickerbocker Glory

[–]emariesaywhat 0 points1 point ago

I'm glad I'm not the only one who found humor in the Knickerbocker brand

[–]crumcakes 2 points3 points ago

Mom buys toy for child, toy disappear within the week.

[–]lt_dan_85 3 points4 points ago

"Oooooouuuuuuch"

[–]Woden1Eye 3 points4 points ago

a literal space dick

[–]Howard_Beale 0 points1 point ago

I used to have one of those when I was a kid. It was actually pretty fucking awesome.

[–]Spudgunhimself 2 points3 points ago

"For ages 4 and up."

[–]gigitythatwutshesaid 1 point2 points ago

Or the best....amirite?

[–]sweetiet1180 1 point2 points ago

Connecting a bullet to it = best vibrator ever.

[–]StimmeAusDemKissen 1 point2 points ago

You clearly didn't use it as intended.

[–]drempire 2 points3 points ago

Some may say "Best Toy ever" but i am a straight male so i dunno

[–]Tentacolt 2 points3 points ago

Straight males can like anal play.

[–]drempire 0 points1 point ago

i did say "i dunno" so thanks for enlightening me

[–]Tentacolt 0 points1 point ago

No problem, homie.

[–]DecafBiscotti 0 points1 point ago

I thought it said, "Finger Lightly"

[–]Ironsmith77 1 point2 points ago

because it ended up in your moms dresser?

[–]foxesandfalcons 0 points1 point ago

Debatable.

[–]Acidic_Jew 1 point2 points ago

If you miss me, I'll be RIGHT HERE.

[–]stlcardinal9 0 points1 point ago

i read the package as finger grows when pressed... yes yes it does

[–]isntjameson 1 point2 points ago

Reminds me of the finglonger from Futurama. Also reminds me of a dildo.

[–]JamesGCO -1 points0 points ago

It's funny because it looks like a dildo.

[–]mattbluesman 0 points1 point ago

Just needs some extra testicles

[–]lisabadcat 0 points1 point ago

I had one of those!

[–]griffith12 1 point2 points ago

Oh. My. Fucking. God.

I had one of those. I fucking love when a picture brings back memories. sniffle

[–]habadacas 0 points1 point ago

thats not what she said?

[–]DiabloConQueso 1 point2 points ago

I had this toy. Never thought of it that way until now.

[–]schattenteufel 0 points1 point ago

lol. I had this toy too. Now I know why my parents were laughing so hard when I unwrapped it.

[–]SmileAndNod64 1 point2 points ago

Not as good as the vibrating broomstick. Fun for the kids and the moms.

[–]skyraider17 0 points1 point ago

Everyone else is pretending to play Quidditch, and I'm just sitting on my toy broom masturbating

[–]DelroyLindo 0 points1 point ago

E.T. Glowing Finger can now Phone Home or your Genitalia at home!

[–]ghlysptwld 0 points1 point ago

Best toy! I love making her belly light up!

[–]sgtpppr 1 point2 points ago

I'm curious as to what percentage of those ended up in someone's butt.

[–]Artreynne 0 points1 point ago

Unless it vibrates, then it's the best toy ever.

[–]Coolbreezy 0 points1 point ago

Ask your sister what she thinks of it...

[–]lost623 0 points1 point ago

Best Toy Ever [FTFY]

[–]IrrationalTsunami 1 point2 points ago

I would still go with the Harry Potter Vibrating Broomstick.

Those older sisters really like to steal your toys, amiright?

[–]cyclegirl 0 points1 point ago

That is YOUR opinion.

[–]BaconofWar 0 points1 point ago

Note te company that made this is knickerknocker...

[–]eyeamidol 0 points1 point ago

It's a fing-longer!

[–]imsweetinreality 1 point2 points ago

If by worst you mean best and by toy you mean toy

[–]SamuraiTom 0 points1 point ago

At least it has batteries included.

[–]Cash5YR 1 point2 points ago

Ages 4 and over!

[–]_TheFifth_ 1 point2 points ago

Followed closely by the Harry Potter vibrating flying broom.

[–]shaggietv4 0 points1 point ago

I gave this to my 12 year old girl. She loves it

[–]Moobyghost -1 points0 points ago

I've got a dirty mind, from the thumbnail i thought it was something else.

[–]rafuzo2 0 points1 point ago

Why, become it glows instead of vibrates?

[–]laurench 0 points1 point ago

probably cheaper than a dildo.

[–]aoeui-dhtns 0 points1 point ago

My First Dildo

[–]DoctorOfPepper 0 points1 point ago

I don't know man, that thing must have been fun to play with, my sister would always bring that with her to the restroom when our parents weren't home

[–]maebo121 0 points1 point ago

My mom walked in when I was looking at this picture and said, "oh. Your father bought me something similar to that. It just…doesn't light up or have the same purpose."

Oh god. ಠ_ಠ

[–]roccopcoletrain 0 points1 point ago

Came in for Carl Weathers. Left disappointed.

[–]marnyroad -1 points0 points ago

The original fleshlight..