Rooks can do that too! : gaming

Special abilities:
be disappointed: your_penis' immense size puts all other male players to shame. Pick a player, that player cannot use the ability of your choice on their next turn. Use this only once every 3 of your turns.

Floppyottiedopalicious: Flopping himself around like a helicopter at high velocities, your_penis creates a fan effect, blowing any player in the direction you're facing back 5 spaces. If they hit another player or object, they are hurt by 3 Hp.

Erected by Steel: Turning on his iron like defense, your_penis activates a special hardening process. Your movement speed is reduced by 1, but all attacks deal 3 less damage to you. Fire elemental damage is not affected in this way. You may revert this process at the cost of an action point at any time.

Bag of Tea, Sir?: (Range:1) Searching through his tea bags, your_penis can select one to give to either an ally or enemy. Use only once per 2 of your turns.

Refreshing Tea: Ally given this has +1 movement speed on their next turn, and restores 1 Hp at the beginning of their turn for their next 3 turns.
Poisonous Tea: Enemy player given this has gas pains, which reduce their movement speed by 1, and deal 1 damage to them at the beginning of their turn for their next 3 turns.

Passive Abilities:
Defensive Goop: your_penis grows more powerful whenever he is physically attacked, to the point of bursting with energy. Whenever you're physically attacked, you may store one Goop counter. When you have 3 of them, you may spray a goop at an enemy player at the cost of all these counters.

Goop: (Range:5) The enemy players are blasted by a solidifying liquid. This ability hits all players within range of the direction you chose. Their movement speed is reduced by 2 on their next turn, and action points by 1.

Bock and Calls: Being 3 different segments, your_penis gains benefits from such. Each part has its own individual Hp, and must be targeted separately from the other parts by enemy player.

Pole: The pole has 10 Hp, and grants +2 to physical damage, and strength. When slain, these bonuses are lost.
Left Circle: This one has 5 Hp, and grants +2 to ability damage as well as +1 to movement.
Right Circle: This one has 5 Hp, and grants +2 to all healing casted on or by your_penis.

Bouncy Bounding: Due to not really having legs, your_penis' default movement speed is 2, not counting the bonuses gained from Bock and Calls.

"What a fascinating specimen, its name is your_penis you say? Remarkable. I've yet to see such a large variety anywhere else. I will begin studying it immediately."

"It's been three months since we began the arduous process of learning more about our elongated friend. He eats grass which we supply ample amounts of. Usually just flops around the place, mindlessly searching for something. Any groove, nook, or cranny he can squeeze himself into, so we've had to do a little baby-proofing in here. As far as the source of the mutation? Most likely high concentrations of karmanite were exposed to a normal man's penis at some point, causing it to become elephant like and replicate more nerve cells. It either became sentient and detached itself, or maybe the original owner did it. It's purpose or goal has yet to be discovered, but folks around here have taken to calling it "your_penis", as a joke. Such as "Hey Vajinath, saw your_penis in the lab today!" "What? No, how that's ridic- ohhhh you silly fuck!"

After years, the scientists having exhausted all research on it, decided to let it back into the wild. There was just no promising research resulting from keeping it here, and the amount of grass it was consuming was rising exponentially. All the scientists stood out from their lab, waving. "Goodbye your_penis! Good luck out there little guy!" "We'll call occasionally, your_penis! Don't worry buddy!" "Life out there shouldn't be too hard for you!" And just like that, none of them ever saw your_penis again.

If you're interested in seeing more, check out /r/redditrpg