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all 69 comments

[–]baemey 193 points194 points ago

I like the Shake Weight one: "I don't know what I'm practicing for, but I hope it never happens!"

[–]joeknowswhoiam 35 points36 points ago

[–]skeeto 9 points10 points ago

When I was a kid my parents got me some alligator clip wires, switches, and little light bulbs from Radio Shack. I'd build little circuits with them as a toy.

One day I had an innocent idea for a project. I got a plastic easter egg and an empty toilet paper cardboard tube. I wired up two batteries and the light inside the tube, then put the bottom half of the easter egg on the end of the tube, to diffuse the light. I showed my mom my "flashlight" and proudly told her I was going to take it into school to show all my friends. That lead to my first sex talk.

[–]Dr_Caveman 6 points7 points ago

If I click this I will stay up all night watching WKUK on youtube...

[–]Annarr 0 points1 point ago

Lost it at "Kevin, gotoyourfuckin'room"

[–]lotusscissors -2 points-1 points ago

Came here for this link

[–]CitizenShips 80 points81 points ago

I don't understand the punchl- OOOOH BECAUSE SHE'S A LESBIAN

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]wordwar 7 points8 points ago

Were the clips named "Ellen's lesbian jokes and only her lesbian jokes"?

[–]Sketch257 0 points1 point ago

took me a sec as well lol

[–][deleted] 32 points33 points ago

it's a gerrafe

[–]Kotaniko 13 points14 points ago

They're just long horses, amiright?!

[–]whoami9 1 point2 points ago

I need someone to link to that post again so I can laugh at it again.

[–]BurntTheToast -2 points-1 points ago

que yackety sax

[–]Wreththe 11 points12 points ago

My favourite part is that the balls have balls.

[–]Hugedo 15 points16 points ago

Here it is with the correct starting point - http://youtu.be/uOTucur4yxw?t=3m17s

[–]cdank 0 points1 point ago

Ty!

[–]TheMightyZander[S] 19 points20 points ago

[–]TTh_ 26 points27 points ago

[–]KiddohAspire 6 points7 points ago

Gods work, son.

[–]bangonthedrums 1 point2 points ago

John 3:16?

[–]TheMightyZander[S] 1 point2 points ago

that's much better than my link. good job sir or madam, and thanks!!

[–]ElvisAndretti 8 points9 points ago

Ditched work yesterday because my head was too full of snot to move, saw ellen for the first time. LOL'd.

[–]ivebo 0 points1 point ago

Too full..of snot... the imagery is fantastic.

[–]MrDeliciousness 2 points3 points ago

Free lunch!

[–]Damasticator -1 points0 points ago

Extra mayo!

[–]ecmmyers -3 points-2 points ago

TINSTAAFL!

[–]ElvisAndretti -1 points0 points ago

Perhaps, but the sensation is a bit less so.

[–]sandoooo 19 points20 points ago

geraffes are so dumb.

EDIT: sorry, the only reason i say this is that this geraffe in this picture is trying to eat a painting. i should say that this one particular geraffe is dumb.

EDIT: hey asshats quit downvoting me i am not the one who tried to eat the wall.

EDIT: hey before you hit that down arrow why don't you ask yourself why you can't take a joke you losers. jesus the pc crap has extended to long horses? because that is all those things are, and no one was bawling when that chimp got shot for eating that lady's face. so are you racist for long horses over gorillas? hippocrites.

EDIT: is it a bunch of peta lamebrains doing this? did my one little joke hit some kind of tree-hugger blog or some shit? i have never so much as even spit on a geraffe! wtf? i ate lion one time, it was in a burger; i had alligator, and something they told me was eagle but i'm positive it was just chicken. whatever anyone is saying about me and geraffes is not even true. but go on farteaters, downvote away. it shows how stupid you are.

EDIT: spelling.

EDIT: this is such shit. i have never received as much as one single downvote in my life and you peckers are jumping on this stupid geraffe-loving bandwagon. that is a dumb goddamn wall-licking geraffe and that is all. i'm not going to apologize to you idiots any more.

EDIT: you know, now my feelings are hurt. the amount of downvotes piled on me is just excessive. god for-fucking-bid i had commented on a post about an antteater, i would be at -1000 by now. you people are horrible.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points ago

[–]totoro11 2 points3 points ago

Classic.

[–]Nesilwoof -5 points-4 points ago

I've never seen so many edits on one post.

[–]indiemike 5 points6 points ago

I never thought I'd be a fan of hers, but Ellen is hilarious.

[–]Jack_1807 7 points8 points ago

[–]castlebravo7 0 points1 point ago

Ellen is a God damn champion

[–]Kinishra22 3 points4 points ago

Spotted dick

[–]SalemDrumline2011 1 point2 points ago

[–]thelummx 1 point2 points ago

Thanks for video link!

[–]unforgetter -1 points0 points ago

...thats a...a-penis...

[–]Annarr 0 points1 point ago

St-st-st-stutter much?

[–]unforgetter 0 points1 point ago

I see we share the same condition.

[–]PADRAlC -1 points0 points ago

A dick with chickenpox?

[–]UndercoverPotato -5 points-4 points ago

And the "Greatest Asshole Parent of the Year" Award goes too...

[–]deathbycactus -1 points0 points ago

I heard you like testicles...

[–]drawingdead0 -2 points-1 points ago

People tell me I look a lot like her. Thing is, I'm a guy...