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top 200 commentsshow all 280

[–]thebakkat 440 points441 points ago

[–]Aetheer 267 points268 points ago

Both of them are Rock/Steel and only know Constrict.

[–]the_recluse 173 points174 points ago

Constrict and Rest

[–]option_i 87 points88 points ago

And bide!

[–]njwatson32 112 points113 points ago

And Biden!

[–]brillenu 23 points24 points ago

And bidoof

[–]venicello 4 points5 points ago

And my axe!

[–]sk84ever515 13 points14 points ago

what about leer?

[–]ixionpearl 32 points33 points ago

nah bide as a move is too much of a game changer; this debate was mediocre at best

[–]AndSimbaToo 20 points21 points ago

In three short comments, this has easily become my favorite reddit thread in at least ever.

[–]Dankulus 6 points7 points ago

At the very least, ever!

[–]thebballer25 6 points7 points ago

And harden and growl.

[–]qizarate 31 points32 points ago

I think they're two magikarps.

splash splash splash

struggle struggle struggle

[–]Cirri 11 points12 points ago

Well if one of them has a focus sash and enough entry hazards on their team then it should be fucking awesome!

[–]ClockworkYellow 32 points33 points ago

With leftovers.

[–]Typhron 47 points48 points ago

Constrict and Iron Defense.

Addendum, putting it all together:

Rock and Steel type pokemon with Leftovers that know Constrict, Bide, Rest, and Iron Defense.

Big metal dicks.

[–]comitatus 28 points29 points ago

So a Steel Shuckle.

[–]BoosterSilver 2 points3 points ago

Haven't laughed so hard in a while. Thanks!

[–]Deliberate_Reposter 4 points5 points ago

They will struggle themselves to death then...

[–]Kliptic69 2 points3 points ago

Mine are bug and all they have is harden...

[–]Kegsocka6 3 points4 points ago

And Gary Johnson is Ground type...No wonder they won't let him in the debates.

[–]njwatson32 6 points7 points ago

And Swagger. Well, maybe just Romney.

[–]TrojanX 0 points1 point ago

Oh god the horror just thinking about it.

[–]MatterStorm 44 points45 points ago

I'm starting to really like you. You do genuinely good work with your natural talent, and share it freely on the Internet in a place where it is extremely relevant.

[–]ruwisc 19 points20 points ago

Minor quibble: Obama is left-handed. Probably looks best this way, though.

[–]Grotpar 5 points6 points ago

It's possible he releases pokemon like Giovanni. He wouldn't need his dominant hand for that.

[–]symbiotisch 3 points4 points ago

Got three left-handed friends that use their right hand to throw anyway.

[–]BlueSatoshi 5 points6 points ago

Based on the poses used he was probably using gen ii sprites as a reference.

[–]krispekremy 46 points47 points ago

Brock Obama Misty Romney

[–]Amarowar 9 points10 points ago

L.T romney

[–]Aggrit23 0 points1 point ago

I can imagine this. 6 Blisseys on each side, 252 HP 252 Sp.Def 6 Def. toxic, protect, soft boiled and maybe seismic toss. That'd be all night.

[–]ArgonWolf 110 points111 points ago

Things would be very different if America's leaders were chosen by pokemon battle.

[–]sulejmankulenovic 177 points178 points ago

Herman Cain would be President, of course.

[–]Immaneuel_Kanter 38 points39 points ago

I had forgotten about that. Oh my goodness my sides.

He was by far the most entertaining candidate I've ever seen or read of.

[–]VelocityRD 17 points18 points ago

[–]mrbowman1 44 points45 points ago

Obamacare doesn't cover Pokemon. Pokecenters would cost a fortune.

[–]Armadylspark 6 points7 points ago

Last panel, Joy's face.

[–]VelocityRD 1 point2 points ago

[–]siatabiri 1 point2 points ago

We capture them and brainwash them. They might as well get fixed up for free.

Then again, they do get to go spay-and-neuter-free. I guess Bob Barker would hate living in the Pokemon universe.

[–]ixionpearl 4 points5 points ago

Who wouldn't want to adopt an entire litter of charmanders?

[–]SHdude 5 points6 points ago

Oil rig workers.

[–]Deliberate_Reposter 76 points77 points ago

Maybe kids would finally learn how to properly EV train, instead of resorting to the AR.

[–]MewtwoStruckBack 17 points18 points ago

Pokesav and other things that specifically cover EVs would be the tools of choice then. They'd just become better hackers.

[–]Goltork2 6 points7 points ago

Hitler's pokemon of choice would be meowth.

http://i2.ytimg.com/vi/5XUeZy2LjJQ/default.jpg

(Sweet flare, mang)

*Yes, I know hitler was German, I just misread it to think he said "world leaders".

[–]Saminka 9 points10 points ago

Hitler was austrian. The germans just used to be unsatisfied and stupid enough to believe him.

[–]Armadylspark 5 points6 points ago

Hitler liked dogs though. Wouldn't a Houndour/Houndoom better suit him?

[–]Litagano 75 points76 points ago

I would definitely watch that.

[–]WinterGryphon 8 points9 points ago

Everyone would EVERYONE

[–]The_Zett 24 points25 points ago

So basically Pokemon Black and White

[–]Hansarn 6 points7 points ago

Well played.

[–]SleepingOnMoonshine 3 points4 points ago

Hardest lol in the history of forever.

[–]StarkPR 151 points152 points ago

That's bull. Romney would buy all the rare candy and masterballs he wanted.

[–]docmedic 178 points179 points ago

Romney would buy 6 versions of R/B and trade himself a team of six Mewtwos after his latina maids finish the game and grind them to level 100.

[–]StarkPR 48 points49 points ago

Brutal.

[–]Ziama 6 points7 points ago

Bash is an attack Zoroark has in the tcg :D

[–]DaMangaka 26 points27 points ago

Don't forget the Carbos and stuff.

[–]JcobTheKid 30 points31 points ago

Until he meets Obama with Missingno.

[–]TheInternetHivemind 39 points40 points ago

Level 225 golbat is where it's at.

[–]CptnMerika 5 points6 points ago

No he doesn't believe in cloning, so he could only use mew.

[–]StarkPR 4 points5 points ago

Romney would flip flop so that he could use Mewtwo.

[–]KingNick 4 points5 points ago

Romney would buy a GameShark and tell all the kids at Books-a-Million that it was a GameBoy Battery Extender so that he could get in Pokemon Battles with them, steal their Pokemon, pull the cord out and run away.

Bastard. He'll never get my vote.

[–]StarkPR 2 points3 points ago

Child: But.. but Mister Romney, you can just buy better Pokemon.

Romney: It's not about that, it's about good business practice. These Pokemon are going to China to work in a sweatshop.

[–]kyouteki 2 points3 points ago

It's not about money...it's about sending a message.

[–]skytro 7 points8 points ago

Then they will get destroyed by any dark type ever

[–]docmedic 19 points20 points ago

R/B had no dark types. If you want a type advantage, there's Beedrill's twin needle and Jolteon's Pin Missile. :/

[–]skytro 5 points6 points ago

Right, forgot about that

[–]Careful_Houndoom 7 points8 points ago

Species Clause?

Fuck it. All the clauses.

  • Species Clause
  • OHKO Clause
  • Sleep Clause
  • Evasion Clause
  • Moody Clause
  • Swift Swim + Drizzle ban.
  • Shellpass ban.
  • No perm-weather.

And just to make things interesting, the only Pokemon they are allowed are used less than 1% of the time in the Never Used Tier.

Wonder what those battles would be like?

[–]Dyl9 10 points11 points ago

Most OU Pokemon are used 0% of the time in NU

[–]TSED 6 points7 points ago

Boring.

[–]kabuto_mushi 5 points6 points ago

Shellpass ban

I've been out of the competitive scene for awhile... is baton passing Shell Smash really banned now?

[–]Careful_Houndoom 5 points6 points ago

Only in RU and NU.

[–]Ziama 1 point2 points ago

Drizzle is a metaphors for pot? Banned because people are afraid of it?

[–]Frankeh 3 points4 points ago

grind them to level 100.

I remember just repeatedly going through the elite four with only my Pikachu to get it up to level 99. It could beat rock pokemon because it knew surf.

[–]Shadax 27 points28 points ago

[–]stubing 5 points6 points ago

But at least he would give 30% of that to charity.

[–]Malladorian 35 points36 points ago

Is that edited or was it really on the screen 0.0

[–]Software_Engineer[S] 84 points85 points ago

It was really there. It is from a tweet from someone not affiliated with CNBC.

[–]masuabie 7 points8 points ago

I know the guy who tweeted that. I'm trying to send him the picture right now haha

[–]Gob_ 14 points15 points ago

The updated Red/Blue version. Democratic Blue and Republican Red.

[–]Tulkes 4 points5 points ago

Is Jill Stein the Green Version that we never got in the States?

[–]Sea-Salt 2 points3 points ago

Which version is better? It doesn't matter; they're both more hassle than they're worth. You may have better luck with the Special Edition Independent Yellow version, though.

[–]Dr_Plasma -1 points0 points ago

sorry, but look at the pokémon demograph, who here is a Republican?

[–]merthsoft 42 points43 points ago

What do you imagine their teams looking like?

[–]studmuffffffin 129 points130 points ago

Obama:

Girafarig (Kinda looks like a donkey. The most donkey looking one.)

Blissey (Healthcare)

Venusaur (Environment)

Luvdisc (Gay Rights)

Jynx (Obama's Wife)

Mewtwo (Great Speaker)

Romney:

Donphan (Elephant Pokemon)

Persian (Has Lots of Money)

Lopunny (Romney's Wife)

Machamp (He seems pretty strong willed)

Arceus (The whole Mormon thing)

Charizard (He looks awesome)

Obama's was a lot easier than Romney's. I don't know any of Romney's positions besides his economic ones. And those are the hardest to make into pokemon.

[–]SargeantSandwich 71 points72 points ago

Jynx (Obama's Wife)

ಠ_ಠ

[–]Hetzer 15 points16 points ago

Don't you see? Casual racism is hilarious!

[–]ardx 15 points16 points ago

So in the end it just comes down to Arceus vs Mewtwo?

[–]IAMAVelociraptorAMA 184 points185 points ago

jynx

obama's wife

LOL

[–]studmuffffffin 41 points42 points ago

Only black woman in pokemon. Not trying to be mean or racist or anything.

[–]shark_vagina 147 points148 points ago

Well, you failed at that.

[–]Amarowar 26 points27 points ago

Not trying to be racist, but your wifes a fat, black, big-lipped woman of ice.

[–]MenaNoN 8 points9 points ago

Oh lawd

[–]IAMAVelociraptorAMA 67 points68 points ago

Jynx is actually a caricature of Japanese women called ganguro. As opposed to traditionally Japanese pale skin, dark hair, etc., a ganguro would darken their skin, dye their hair light, and use excessive makeup.

[–]studmuffffffin 10 points11 points ago

Ah, I see. Well she looks black.

[–]IAMAVelociraptorAMA 25 points26 points ago

She looked black in the first game because she was black. In every game after that, she's purple, because an American thought she was a blackface racist symbol.

On a side note, there's the theory that she's actually based off of a Nordic princess. The air was so cold their skin turned black; Nordic women have the blonde hair gene, and the nordic countries live in an icy, mountainous climate, accounting for type.

[–]livefreeordont 19 points20 points ago

from the controversial article by carole weatherford

The character Jynx, Pokémon #124, has decidedly human features [in contrast to most other characters]: jet-black skin, huge pink lips, gaping eyes, a straight blonde mane and a full figure, complete with cleavage and wiggly hips. Put another way, Jynx resembles an overweight drag queen incarnation of Little Black Sambo, a racist stereotype from a children's book long ago purged from libraries.

little black sambo

[–]Hansarn 3 points4 points ago

As a Norwegian, I can confirm all of this.

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]IAMAVelociraptorAMA 6 points7 points ago

You say false, but your link says

common interpretations are a Nordic or a Viking woman (possibly Hel, goddess of the underworld), or ガングロ ganguro, face-black

And you ignored that I also brought up this alternative theory in a successive post.

[–]ixionpearl 2 points3 points ago

You're right.

[–]ElAvestruz 5 points6 points ago

Open mouth, insert foot.

[–]Spiro_Agnew 9 points10 points ago

That was a supprisingly non-partisan allocation of pokemon. At least by Reddit standards.

[–]ixionpearl 9 points10 points ago

With that lineup, if Romney loses it's just proof he knows jack shit about pokemon.

[–]cdx75xmx 16 points17 points ago

Correction: ROMNEY would have giraffarig, because he has two sides for every issue.

[–]leaffeon 9 points10 points ago

pika-ZIIIING

[–]Roboticide 3 points4 points ago

Unlikely to have any evolved Pokèmon. He doesn't believe in evolution.

[–]livefreeordont 12 points13 points ago

mightyena (romneys dog on the roof)

ditto/kecleon (romney switches his stance a lot)

i might add some more if i can think of them

edit:

alakazam (obama wants to heavily fund education)

exeggcute (romney is pro-life) maybe a stretch

[–]ixionpearl 6 points7 points ago

I don't think that his dog would be an evolved form of anything considering how he treats it.

[–]wackymayor 6 points7 points ago

Poochyena instead of Mightyena. The double pun being the dog on the roof shit himself so you could go with Poocheyena, but that is more sad than punny. Great now I made myself sad. :(

[–]pineyfusion 1 point2 points ago

He definitely would have a Pokemon that knows Metronome

[–]Addpoke 8 points9 points ago

Replace Mewtwo with Rotom? (teleprompter)

[–]Ihaveafatcat 0 points1 point ago

But then Romney would easily win with Arceus.

[–]yourlifecoach 4 points5 points ago

Michelle Obama is more like Gardivoir.

[–]jawathehutt 2 points3 points ago

This is actually one of the best unique descriptions of the candidates that I have seen on reddit. Props to you, especially for staying unbiased enough.

[–]Ihaveafatcat 2 points3 points ago

What did you mean by Charizard? Romney looks awesome? Romney does not look awesome.

[–]SpeakMouthWords 1 point2 points ago

Yeah he does. If he was a democrat and you weren't biased you'd be all like "damn, that guy looks presidential".

[–]remix1014 0 points1 point ago

Someone needs to do an analysis of how this battle would go down.

[–]WoohooOvertime 9 points10 points ago

If we assume for simplicity's sake that Romney runs Arceus-N aka Extremekiller Arceus, then it essentially boils down to whether Arceus or Mewtwo can set up first. Arceus has about a 50/50 chance of surviving a +1 Aura Sphere from Mewtwo. Of course, Focus Blast is also an option for the clean OHKO but it's a big risk with the low accuracy rate. A +2 Extremespeed from Arceus is a clean OHKO on any standard offensive variant of Mewtwo and also nullifies the Speed advantage Mewtwo would normally have.

However, Obama's team simply doesn't stack up in comparison. Luvdisc, Girafarig, Jynx, and Blissey are all dead weights. Romney's team is full physical barring Charizard (and even then, he might be crazy enough to run Belly Dance), leaving very little room for any of those four to survive. I'd give the battle to Romney because his team simply lends much better overall support and he doesn't have to worry about his ace possibly not killing Obama's ace.

[–]PandaC -1 points0 points ago

Kangaskan (he's pro life?)

Edit: or anti-choice, anti-abortion, what have you. Maybe eggxecute

[–]eRonin 1 point2 points ago

Hey, don't forget the Romneys have a prancing horse (named Rafalca)! So give him a Rapidash!

[–]FactorySquirrel 1 point2 points ago

Why Lopunny?

[–]matap821 19 points20 points ago

At least Romney has Arceus on his side

[–]beaverteeth92 32 points33 points ago

What about...

THROUGH A DUEL?!!

[–]VelocityRD 10 points11 points ago

Well hey, if people can use a children's card game to decide the fate of a person's soul, why not use it to decide the leader of a country?

[–]Dankins 7 points8 points ago

obama used pay day... but it missed!

[–]Freddie_AppsHero 25 points26 points ago

Romney can't win, he doesn't believe in evolution.

[–]shoulderkisser 4 points5 points ago

[–]rob1nfly 1 point2 points ago

Faster pokemon though, so atvantage.

[–]Cygnus_X1 2 points3 points ago

Sure he'll usually get the first attack, but his attacks will be weaker and his defense will be significantly lower.

[–]NighthawkXL 1 point2 points ago

Not every Pokemon evolves ya know... just sayin

[–]username-rage 6 points7 points ago

At the very least the next debate should he moderated by the guy who did the announcer voicework in the Pokemon stadium games.

"What will the next question be?"

[–]Eevolveer 6 points7 points ago

What will the nex-

Let me make my point.

[–]username-rage 1 point2 points ago

"Oops, It's paralyzed."

[–]kbuis 5 points6 points ago

Just to add to this, let's change the primary system. A year before the next election, candidates have to hit the campaign trail and beat the top trainer in each of the 50 states. Gives new meaning to the term "battleground states."

[–]Dr_Plasma 0 points1 point ago

Hello, this is Florida, and we have Whitney.

[–]vitorizzo 4 points5 points ago

obamas metapod against romneys metapod and all they do is harden

[–]Smartio 21 points22 points ago

Obama:

Rapidash (Democracy- Donkey)

Eevee (Change)

Blissey (Obama care)

Alakazam (Strong Ideals)

Liligant (Environment)

Jirachi/ Deoxys (Space Exploration)

Romney:

Donphan (Republican- Elephant)

Rampardos (Military)

Persian (Wealth)

Magnezone/ Conkeldurr (Buisness)

Slowbro (Education Cuts)

Groudon (Foreign policy)

*Romney's Pokemon are somewhat odd, so I'll explain. Romney has few views on foreign policy, and Groudon created landmasses, so I associate the two because there won't be much overseas. Magnezone or Conkeldurr were chosen because Romney believes in big buisness, and Conkeldurr is a construction pokemon, and Magnezone is a peice of machinery. Also, Rampardos' massive attack stat makes the military choice clearer.

[–]Joshf1234 13 points14 points ago

Ah yes, Conkeldurr, the shrewd business-man pokemon

[–]Ninjadoo 4 points5 points ago

Someone please draw conkeldurr in a suit...

[–]Addpoke 8 points9 points ago

I don't get why democracy and space exploration are in there.

[–]SirShanksalot 25 points26 points ago

By democracy I believe they mean democrat.

[–]Detectiveoftheeast 9 points10 points ago

Because he's a democrat who supports space exploration? Shouldn't it be obvious? He's the democratic leader. And even on reddit he said he intended to increase space exploration.

[–]garrettjones331 10 points11 points ago

Space exploration should be on Romney, not Obama. Obama is the one who cut space exploration funding.

[–]ROFLMac 3 points4 points ago

Pretty sure these 2 would not be chosen to run if it was based off of pokebattles lolol.

[–]JessicaStar 3 points4 points ago

Fuck me for watching CNN....

[–]Brad13186 1 point2 points ago

I choose you...Mormonosaur!

-Mittens Romney-

[–]MailMan341 5 points6 points ago

Imagine if all Presidential campaigns were settled this way. You have to be good at politics and shit, but then you also have a dope ass pokemon battle. Fuck that would be cool. Spikes and Spins fer'days. No ubers, or OU. NU only cause that's where its at.

[–]ddfitz 5 points6 points ago

Yeahh, I'll stick to imagining that.

[–]gssunil 4 points5 points ago

this

EDIT: Twitter Handle @90sgirlproblem #Ifeelyamonica

[–]ElAvestruz 0 points1 point ago

siiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh Bill Clinton

[–]AirGuitarKid 2 points3 points ago

I said the exact same thing to my friend. Holy goodness I don't know whether I am excited to find out someone else has the same mindset that I do, or upset that I am not as original as I thought

[–]VectorSam 2 points3 points ago

Pokemon Black and White 2: The American Elections

Just in time.

[–]djxaval 2 points3 points ago

Dont want to sound bad or anything. But I think Romney has this one...I cannot recall a single "african or black" person in the whole pokemon universe.

[–]chaser902109 3 points4 points ago

Lenora,iris, random dancing trainer (stereotype humor :D) and as soon as I found out what the hell Brock is I'll get back to ya

[–]yeblod 2 points3 points ago

Well, I guess you're right but Obama could have a pretty powerful Jynx/Scrafty. Also there was that 'Conspiracy Theory' About Brock promoting obama.

[–]qarson 2 points3 points ago

Lenora and Iris and the random dancer trainer (the one with dreadlocks) seem to be the closest

[–]Troiseme 4 points5 points ago

Romney's team is all Rattatas, and they're all the bottom 47% of Rattatas.

[–]interneteer 2 points3 points ago

Mitt Romney: The political equivalent to that guy with 6 Magikarp.

[–]atomic1fire 3 points4 points ago

But they all suddenly evolved into gyarados during the match.

[–]Dinobot_Prime 1 point2 points ago

THE most effective way to settle everything.

[–]BabaDuda 0 points1 point ago

Can't wait for this to happen, and a shit political 'analyst' who will attempt to interpret their choices of Pokemon with politic-speak.

[–]Shippoyasha 0 points1 point ago

Obama should use an all Dragon team... wait, that doesn't sound politically correct somehow..

[–]Majackal 4 points5 points ago

Mitt romney would have a team of ice types due to his cold heart

[–]Venomjoker5339 0 points1 point ago

Your all forgetting the big picture, who will pikachu choose?

[–]msbq 0 points1 point ago

Oh god, can you imagine Mitt Romney's team? I'm nauseous.

[–]gssunil 0 points1 point ago

Did you guys notice #Ifeelyamonica by @90sgirlproblem

[–]Spiro_Agnew 0 points1 point ago

It would be just as relevant as whatever the hell it was they did tonight.

[–]fart_catcher5 1 point2 points ago

I laughed way too hard at this in class. Haha, my professor will never understand.

[–]Activee77 7 points8 points ago

Do your work son

[–]levelxplane 1 point2 points ago

i knew i should posted this in /r/pokemon :(

[–]choppedupbabies 1 point2 points ago

"broadcasted" done make my brain hurt

[–]BanjoBilly 0 points1 point ago

I doned known what you meaned. I knowed it all alonged.

[–]InfinityR319 0 points1 point ago

Now we got the teams, and it's time for us to put them into battle:

Obama sends out Blissey! Romney sends out Rampardos!

And what will happen next?

[–]Majackal 2 points3 points ago

Blissey uses double edge

[–]amiicarpediem 0 points1 point ago

Challenge in motion..?

[–]Wendys_frys 1 point2 points ago

He's already started.

Pikachu I choose you!

[–]Splinter_13 0 points1 point ago

So your the bastard who took my username >:|

[–]iceani -1 points0 points ago

[–]AfroBro 0 points1 point ago

That guy, deserves a medal.

[–]ghangster 0 points1 point ago

I remember having seen an "ObamaSnow" at the World Tournament in Hawaii.

[–]Slyfox00 0 points1 point ago

Meowth, that's right.

[–]Mechamonkee 1 point2 points ago

Me and my friend were joking about the purest way they could settle this and we decided on fox only final destination. The purest form of battle.

[–]lozzer69 1 point2 points ago

Mitts tge kind of guy that has 99 super restores

[–]Autoham 1 point2 points ago

Wouldn't work to Obama's advantage. Romney would just pay someone to EV/IV train his team duhhh.

[–]aresef 0 points1 point ago

rock type vs. ghost type?

[–]Yamchaboy 0 points1 point ago

I heard one of them had a rayquaza

[–]jakeF3119 0 points1 point ago

yes. just yes

[–]Gryndyl 1 point2 points ago

One of the most moronic additions to network news is the 'average joe ticker'.

[–]beavis420 0 points1 point ago

For some reason I think Romney would win this one.

[–]newb0rn11 0 points1 point ago

Third time today. Third.

[–]pedrotime 0 points1 point ago

Im pretty sure mitt romney would use the same pokemon that giovanni would have

[–]elilanger 1 point2 points ago

I work on the CNBC Social Media team and chose this tweet from our Twicker (Twitter Ticker). Glad it kicked ash!

[–]elilanger 0 points1 point ago

I work on the CNBC Social Media Team. Here is how the tweet made it to air: http://storify.com/EliFromBrooklyn/gotta-tweet-em-all

[–]xXKyle 0 points1 point ago

They definately should.