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1513
1514

Awful/hilarious Helen Keller twitter account... (i.imgur.com)

submitted ago by nationalparksbuff

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[–]TheMagicStik 129 points130 points ago

Guys, I don't think that's the real Hellen Keller.

[–]FarmerTedd 39 points40 points ago

Cause she spells her first name with 2 Ls?

[–]calicojones 16 points17 points ago

..she had no idea.

[–]fatima_gruntanus 3 points4 points ago

Maybe she stutters?

[–]johnnynutman 1 point2 points ago

and her last name with only 2, not 4.

[–]Reesch 38 points39 points ago

Would the real Helen Keller please stand up?... Please stand up?.... HELEN, PLEASE STAND UP!

[–]bpeter289 21 points22 points ago

I don't think she can hear you. Yell louder.

[–]Eminems 13 points14 points ago

HELEN!!! HELEN KELLER!!!!

I'm given er all she's got cap'n

[–]New_World_Era 2 points3 points ago

Use bright colors to attract her attention

[–]Sinthemoon 3 points4 points ago

Still not responded. The twitter account is officially legit.

[–]traktor12 261 points262 points ago

I was expecting something like

"AAsdaz<cv800jibaj grkøaeg tr t5435t sr t srgt jhet d12IN

HJO

L Nfd"

Edit: oh great. my highest rated comment is a disability joke :-/

Must revert this.

Helen Keller joke:

How did Helen Keller's parents discipline her when she was unruly?

Answer: They rearranged the furniture in the house.

Sick answer:They left the plunger in the toilet bowl :(

Why did Helen Keller cross the road?

Answer: WHAARGAARBL

[–]danrennt98 165 points166 points ago

You mean like this?

[–]traktor12 99 points100 points ago

Once again the internet has shown me that I have no original ideas.

[–]William10161 67 points68 points ago

Neither does the Internet

[–]orzof 24 points25 points ago

Until Skynet.

[–]Trapped_SCV 7 points8 points ago

I thought I saw a movie about that somewhere.

[–]AdmiralSkippy 6 points7 points ago

It was probably based off a true story.

[–]LuckWillows 3 points4 points ago

But, like, from the future!

[–]Rikkushin 0 points1 point ago

That was based on the internet

[–]z3r0gk 2 points3 points ago

Or until the Fire Nation attacks :/

[–]iamayam 1 point2 points ago

That gives me an idea.

[–]qu4d 0 points1 point ago

Being funny on the internet, is as hard as comming up with new ideas for phone Apps, that does not already excist and is usefull.

[–]SlutBuster 1 point2 points ago

Was that a Parkinson's joke, or do you really not know how to spell words?

[–]smel_bert 0 points1 point ago

Me too :(

[–]theoctopawd -1 points0 points ago

you must have seen that joke a thousand times before that twitter.

[–]iamayam 1 point2 points ago

That gives me an idea.

[–]jonesy852 -1 points0 points ago

This has also been said countless times. You are inconceivably unoriginal.

[–]-1forGRAMMAR 0 points1 point ago

You do not need to see the key board when typing. There are also programs, like speak to type, that help visually impaired persons use word processing software on electronic devices.

[–]reagan2016 11 points12 points ago

Because being blind prevents people from being able to type?

[–]toolatealreadyfapped 7 points8 points ago

The typist at my hospital is blind. Doctors leave messages with their post-op write ups, and she types them up. Extremely quick and flawless at it.

[–]isofat 12 points13 points ago

One of my friends turned blind when he was 19 from an accident. He went from almost killing himself to getting a PhD in computer engineering from Boston University and ending up with a six figure salary. Being blind is not an impassable obstacle.

[–]Crabalicious 2 points3 points ago

I just left a company where a technical architect who was blind was being paid £80k ($130k).

He was fucking shit at his job too.

[–]SlutBuster 1 point2 points ago

Well he was blind.

[–]AnimeKid 0 points1 point ago

It certainly amazing the drive they can have. Remember doing some tactiles (Braille figures) of engineering dynamics and whatnot.

[–]Chazzey_dude 0 points1 point ago

You really don't like yourself, don't you?

[–]ilrelevent 0 points1 point ago

Relevant

[–]Chm_Albert_Wesker -5 points-4 points ago

theres one of that 2 ALSO

YA PRICK

[–]Sorkijan 0 points1 point ago

Well which one of those 2 is it?

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]heroman44 1 point2 points ago

Meh.

[–]trauma_kmart 70 points71 points ago

Did you know that Helen Keller had a playground in her backyard?

Neither did she.

[–]DeadPlayerWalking 53 points54 points ago

What is Helen Keller's favorite color? Corduroy.

[–]Neil_Armschlong 14 points15 points ago

How did Helen Keller burn the right side of her face? The phone rang but she picked up a hot iron.

How did she burn the left side of her face? They called back.

[–]AdmiralSkippy 55 points56 points ago

This joke is bad because she wouldn't be able to hear the phone ring.

[–]Neil_Armschlong 28 points29 points ago

Don't you bring realistic aspects into my humor.

[–]JagTror 2 points3 points ago

I tell my friend this all the time. ''Keep your goddamn science out of this!"

For instance. I had this killer joke, right? ''Why can't you play games in the jungle? 'Cause there's always a cheetah!" Everyone either gave me a middle school death stare or laughed at how horrible it is. I tell my friend.

Me: blah blah blah THERE'S ALWAYS A CHEETAH! Him: That doesn't even make sense. That's incredibly inaccurate. Cheetahs live in the savannah.

[–]Quantumfizzix 11 points12 points ago

Your friend needs more upvotes, he seems respectable.

[–]seriously_kids 6 points7 points ago

Why couldn't Helen Keller drive a car?

Because she's a woman.

[–]Diesel590 8 points9 points ago

Someone once told me "How do you confuse Helen Keller? Give her a basketball". I don't think anyone gets it.

[–]spidermatrix53 13 points14 points ago

I get it! It's because she would try in vain to interpret it as Braille!

Now if only women could read...

[–]themonkkees 5 points6 points ago

the texture would be like a sphere with lots of indecipherable brail. it's somewhat clever, not difficult to comprehend

[–]70000 22 points23 points ago

Remember the Helen Keller doll? You'd wind her up and watch her walk into walls.

[–]crystalsuicune 11 points12 points ago

You too, can hear and see life through Helen Keller! http://helenkellersim.com/

[–]alucard87pl 4 points5 points ago

checked the source file, found wtf:

<meta name="keywords" content="Helen, Hellen, Keller, Simulator, Simulation, Helen Keller, Hellen Keller, 
Hellen Keller Simulator, Helen Keller Simulator, blind, deaf, dumb, mute, braille,
pinball, wizard, orgasm, perfect woman, cumdumpster" />

[–]mcketten 1 point2 points ago

Very rarely have I ever hated myself for laughing as much as I do right now.

[–]freshpickles 1 point2 points ago

Sometimes I'm confused at why links are purple when I can't recall being to a website before. This is one of those times.

[–]timothyrds 48 points49 points ago

This is fake. No delivery driver would ring the bell for 20 minutes.

When I deliver, I ring once. Ring again in 20 seconds, then call 20 seconds later. If the goddam person doesn't respond I just say, fuck it and leave.

[–]march20rulez 30 points31 points ago

you...you realize helen keller has been dead for almost 50 years right?

[–]ThePickleMan 36 points37 points ago

whoosh

[–]fartpoopandpee 19 points20 points ago

Double whoosh

[–]misanthr0p1c 27 points28 points ago

Yeah I always hated that 3oh3 song with the thing about "do the helen keller and talk with your hips." SHE FUCKING LEARNED TO SPEAK OUT LOUD! FOR FUCKS SAKE RESPECT THAT!

[–]misanthr0p1c 21 points22 points ago

And yes, I've had to explain to more than one person that Helen Keller actually held lectures.

[–]dead_brony 6 points7 points ago

Didn't she feel someone's lips to understand what they were saying?

[–]misanthr0p1c 15 points16 points ago

Yes, but she could speak without usage of her hips, dancing or fucking.

[–]vonCam 15 points16 points ago

I hate this post. I hate its comments. I'm not offended by any of it, I just hate everything about everything I'm seeing right now. Except you guys.

You guys are cool.

[–]misanthr0p1c -2 points-1 points ago

I fucking hate you, and wish you would die.

[–]vecnyj 1 point2 points ago

Wow, that is pretty impressive. Gained some respect for Helen Keller today.

[–]misanthr0p1c 6 points7 points ago

You better fucking worship her ass. She triumphed over more than any of us can imagine, and she didn't even see it as special.

[–]AdrianBrony 2 points3 points ago

have you read anything, ANYTHING at all written by her? Were you even aware that she was anything more than some deaf and blind woman?

[–]vecnyj 1 point2 points ago

Nope. I read a little about her childhood and that she learned to communicate, and write, but I didn't know she was able to speak.

[–]pghreddit 8 points9 points ago

Damn all my best Helen Keller jokes are visual!

[–]bob-leblaw 15 points16 points ago

She wouldn't get them.

[–]MrNotSoSure 21 points22 points ago

Shush girl, shut your lips. Do the Helen Keller and talk with your hips

[–]Diesel590 11 points12 points ago

Are they still relevant?

[–]morelikeawesome 11 points12 points ago

Not even a little bit.

[–]cummayonnaise 1 point2 points ago

I spotted an advertisement for them a couple months back at Ontario Place Canada

I promptly googled "What happened to 3 oh 3?"

[–]Erotic_Dragon_Cum -1 points0 points ago

Better question, were they ever relevant?

[–]Erotic_Dragon_Cum 0 points1 point ago

by that i mean they fucking sucked

[–]nopenowan -2 points-1 points ago

woah...

[–]vinyljunkie77003 6 points7 points ago

are there any pizza places that still offer 30 minutes or less and its free?

cause everytime i order pizza im always told 30-45 minutes. or 40-50 minutes. I dont think ive had a pizza arrive in less than a half hour in years.

[–]AnnArborGuy 1 point2 points ago

I doubt anyone still has a guarantee like that anymore. Dominos got sued for millions several times because of car accidents caused by drivers speeding to deliveries (many stores took the order out of the drivers pay if they were late). After the lawsuits started all the 30 minutes or less guarantees stopped though some places still imply food will arrive in 30 minutes.

[–]samuraialien 0 points1 point ago

Oh Domino's, you never let me down. My dad use to be a manager at a Domino's, he use to bring home Domino's toys once in a while. Got a pretty badass Domino's football. Nowadays, if he's not at work, he'll make his own pizza for us all. Fucking awesome pizza.

[–]bruint 0 points1 point ago

McDonalds briefly did a cheese burger in less than 2-3 minutes I think it was, or you get a free big-mac...

Very short lived promotion, the damn teenagers don't make burgers quick enough!

[–]BobbyMcPrescott 1 point2 points ago

Dominos, or at least some of its franchises, have a 20 minute goal, but they will never again offer deals like that because most pizza customers are assholes anyway, and rules like that encourage them all to order constantly. Then drivers hate life and speed through intersections trying to make it there, and then speed through again and kill a child on the way back because you said it was 31 minutes and cost them a whole nights worth of tips.

Also, back then the pizza companies paid a real wage. You could even get raises! Now a Dominos driver can make as little as 3.50 while delivering, which is 75% of their hours, so most drivers would bail if such a scenario reappeared, and those who were stuck would probably stab you to death if you tried to get a free pizza.

"How's the view from pizza heaven, bitch?"

[–]Crazola 5 points6 points ago

Best one: "When I misbehaved as a kid my parents used to try to beat some senses into me."

[–]noah92gsxr 4 points5 points ago

as a pizza delivery driver who delivered weekly to a deaf man, i spent a lot of time waiting. His doorbell was connected to a flashing light on the inside next to his couch and he would order, start doing something else in another room, and leave me out there 5 or 10 minutes. the guy never tipped a dime either.

[–]Eaux 0 points1 point ago

As a person who lives among hundreds of deaf people, I assure you that he is just a single asshole.

[–]BobbyMcPrescott -3 points-2 points ago

I had a similar experience, except it was a blind school with a very large compass. I would have to get a ride on a fucking golf cart into the gated area all the way back to this housing unit.

I should also add they had the prettiest lawn of any school in that area. Maintained like mad.

[–]ShamblesMusic 15 points16 points ago

This sucks. Hellen Keller is arguably one of the smartest people ever to live. In spite of her disability, she become one of the most important figures in American history: a published author, a leader in civil rights, women's suffrage, and labor rights. She isn't a household name because she is some kind of "freak", she was a person who spent her adult life working to better a world she could never be a part of the way most of us were. What's your lasting impact going to be?

If a person made a Martin Luther King Jr. joke about him being black, most of you would lose your mind, but a deafblind person is an easy target and fair game because it isn't something you've probably ever come face to face with. As someone who has worked with deafblind children for years, Helen Keller and any of those kids are a thousand times more worthy of our praise than you.

/endrant

[–]thurman9711 32 points33 points ago

What's the difference between Martin Luther King Jr. day and St. Patrick's day? -Everyone wants to be Irish on St. Patrick's day!

[–]davewashere 2 points3 points ago

"If a person made a Martin Luther King Jr. joke about him being black, most of you would lose your mind..."

You haven't been here very long, have you?

[–]traktor12 2 points3 points ago

I totally agree with you. This is awful humor.

Personally i admire her for many things, not least being such a sharp essayist that she made it to the McCarthy shit list.

A woman, born deaf, mute and blind in the late 1800s, saw things so clear that she actually became a person of interest during the 'red scare'.

Yes, the CIA kept tabs on a frail woman with multiple handicaps who expressed her opinions from a wheelchair.

These jokes aren't about her. We're being immature and inappropriate.

Just because I have an awful sense of humor it doesn't wipe off on her and her legacy.

[–]DeadPlayerWalking -1 points0 points ago

What?

[–]js155306 1 point2 points ago

Hellen Keller was the perfect woman

[–]lesbehonest123 0 points1 point ago

Oeruvxst35-+'fhc58toiesvk47'@uibxw59+;$@!yovdr47jiec6+hirc

[–]SuperSlyChicken 0 points1 point ago

Self plug.. Lol

[–]Herp_in_my_Derp 0 points1 point ago

/r/ImGoingToHellForThis

[–]Horse_Guy 1 point2 points ago

Am I the only one that thinks twitter should be kept on twitter and Facebook should be kept on Facebook?

[–]ComplainsAboutDvotes 0 points1 point ago

Obviously not, but when the vote was taken people elected to have [FB] and [Twitter] stay.

[–]Orange_Astronaut -1 points0 points ago

There's like 10 different Helen Keller Twitter accounts...

[–]BobbyMcPrescott 0 points1 point ago

Are you implying this isn't the real Helen Keller?

[–]Grimlock69 0 points1 point ago

I think this belongs here

[–]odd84 1 point2 points ago

r/helen_keller

[–]johnsmcjohn 1 point2 points ago

I don't see what you did there.

[–]f1rstperson 1 point2 points ago

Have we ever had a person who was both blind and deaf do an AMA? I think that would be really cool.

[–]MattieF 0 points1 point ago

I had the opportunity to see a blind person using an iPhone. It was impressive. He has a braille text readout and keyboard

I then tried to use one myself with my eyes closed. But of course I have a bit of experience using screenreaders so knowing the basic concepts help a lot.. but yeah blind people are not entirely shut out from modern technology IFFFFFFFF developers stick to some basic rules about how they design their apps and webpages.

[–]lowerthanatlantiss -1 points0 points ago

Guys I don't think that's the real helen Keller, she looks like she can see when she's typing those words

I think I may just be going to hell.

[–]asperous 0 points1 point ago

Link for the lazy

[–]valiantX -1 points0 points ago

I've met deaf people and I guaranteed you, they don't talk on cell phones, but they do text. As in the case of Hellen Keller, I doubt she ever ordered pizza herself because the conversation would be like this:

Pizza place: Hello, can I help you in your order today?

Keller: (a long silence and heavy breathing)

Pizza place: You again! Okay pal, this is the fifteenth time you've pranked call! If I ever find out who you are, your dead! You HEAR! Dead!

Keller: (silence continues)

Pizza place: FUCK YOU ASSHOLE! (clicks phone)

[–]missalissa15 -1 points0 points ago

I followed a different Hellen keller account a while back that was just beautiful things like, "SNOOOOOG LAMMFF."

[–]sharksfan93 -1 points0 points ago

That awkward moment when Hellen Keller found a way to order a pizza while being blind and not able to speak

[–]laurlaur50 -1 points0 points ago

guess who just got a new follower! :)

[–]coiote4fun -1 points0 points ago

They're just plagiarizing another Helen Keller account that's been around for way sometime: The_HelenKeller

[–]Abomonog -1 points0 points ago

Actually, many deaf people hook up their doorbells to lights.

Oh, wait...

[–]dangerousminority -1 points0 points ago

This one is @HelenKellller, which isn't nearly as funny as @HelenKeller

[–]layhne -1 points0 points ago

This would also work if it was Anne Frank.

[–]nationalparksbuff[S] -1 points0 points ago

Oh no...

www.twitter.com/not_anne_frank

[–]nationalparksbuff[S] -1 points0 points ago

Can we not make distasteful jokes and respect someone's achievements at the same time any more? What is the world coming to.

[–]Jeffro75 -1 points0 points ago

How could she order a pizza in the first place? she cant talk on the phone.

[–]wdgiles -1 points0 points ago

No wonder he was late, it's hard to find that attic

[–]footwo -1 points0 points ago

DING DING DING DING DING!

[–]RogerBoris 1 point2 points ago

that's not even funny

[–]futuristmusic -1 points0 points ago

Let's be honest, here's the official Helen Keller twitter account. https://twitter.com/helen_keller

[–]J05huaWa15h 2 points3 points ago

Want to know something interesting?...no? I don't care I'm telling you anyway, Helen Keller could actually speak English, French, Spanish, and finger spell (which isn't true sign language, Helen Keller never knew true sign language. She only knew the alphabet.) She was actually a very intelligent woman who came up with the idea for audio books so the blind could read. Also Helen's house was designed so that if someone rang the door bell (like at any deaf persons house) she would have a warning signal. Perhaps a small device on her person would vibrate, that I'm not so sure of, but I know for deaf people they have lamps that blink when the door bell goes off. Obviously this would not work for her as she was blind, but she also had a personal helper (even after Anne Sullivan died).

[–]Dolan_Be_Trollin -1 points0 points ago

Hellen Keller: that awkward moment when on a date, a guy take you to see a movie.

[–]Fancyfeet382 -1 points0 points ago

Wait a minute! How the hell did she type that?! O_O

[–]SRSter 0 points1 point ago

Nope, just awful. Jesus, Reddit.

[–]frazier6567 1 point2 points ago

Stupid moment when Hellen Keller can tweet.

[–]smel_bert 0 points1 point ago

I expected

"kfldjsaup9uiojkl"

[–]greatestcape -1 points0 points ago

Helen Keller humor is just lazy. How hard is it to think of scenarios in which being blind and deaf would become awkward?

[–]justinbeatdown -1 points0 points ago

Would be better if she actually typed like a deaf blind person. Her timeline should look like this "heieosjehbshejeudhe Eurydice s wish rusher ridjrieisgebehejeh"

[–]Straydogtown -1 points0 points ago

Oh I get it it's because she's deaf haha funny

[–]mcpe -3 points-2 points ago

wait howd she find the phone to begin with in fact how'd she even type it

[–]Wayfarer21 -3 points-2 points ago

I still have no idea how to read twitter

[–]AlucardEverlasting -3 points-2 points ago

OMG THATS SO AWKS XD!!!!!!!!!

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]samuraialien 0 points1 point ago

Blind, mute, and deaf.

[–]hizzler -4 points-3 points ago

But, I thought she could hear.

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