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This was in my local newspaper.. (i.imgur.com)
submitted 22 hours ago by i-Jonty
[–]Caomanure 263 points264 points265 points 20 hours ago
If she weighs as much as a duck then she must be made of wood and therefore a witch.
[–]buckeye-75 79 points80 points81 points 20 hours ago
build a bridge out of her!
[–]loungesinger 53 points54 points55 points 16 hours ago
She turned me into a newt!
[–]TheBoldManLaughsOnce 47 points48 points49 points 16 hours ago
I got better!
[–]lenojames 20 points21 points22 points 15 hours ago
BURN HER ANYWAY!!!
[–]yes_thats_right 24 points25 points26 points 16 hours ago
Who are you who are so wise in the ways of science?
[–]buckeye-75 13 points14 points15 points 16 hours ago
Tell me again how a sheep's bladder can be used to predict earthquakes
[–]Superjerk42 11 points12 points13 points 15 hours ago
And that, my lord, is how we know the earth to be banana-shaped.
[–]dusktreader 18 points19 points20 points 16 hours ago
Very small rocks?
[–]DeadmanDexter 9 points10 points11 points 15 hours ago
We shall use my largest scales.
[–]MarvinLazer 240 points241 points242 points 18 hours ago
I prefer to think of this child as a trolling genius. The alternative is far too bleak for me.
[–]justsomeotherperson 78 points79 points80 points 17 hours ago
Right? I thought it was satire until I got to the bottom and saw the author was 14.
Then I just really hoped it was satire.
[–]glintsCollide 33 points34 points35 points 16 hours ago
Why do you assume that that's not part of the sattire?
[–]eeyoreisadonkey 17 points18 points19 points 16 hours ago
Yeah it read like pretty decent satire to me.
[–]yes_thats_right 11 points12 points13 points 16 hours ago
because it is.
[–]Affe83 14 points15 points16 points 15 hours ago
I believe it is as well.. However, the fact remains that those reading it are probably not aware, and are grabbing their shotguns to go kill ducks "just in case".
There are many conservatives who believed that Stephen Colbert was actually a right-wing conservative without realizing that he is actually in character.
[–]conspirator_schlotti 5 points6 points7 points 12 hours ago*
The fact that there are people who don't understand satire is no reason not to use it.
[–]rata2e 12 points13 points14 points 15 hours ago
...and homeschooled
[–]LaughingInTheLibrary 10 points11 points12 points 15 hours ago
It also said she was home-schooled so I wouldn't be surprised if it wasn't satire.
[–]PhillLynnot 228 points229 points230 points 22 hours ago
it´s the rise of the planet of the ducks!
Take your stinking wings off me, you damned dirty duck!
[–]heidavey 124 points125 points126 points 22 hours ago
I, for one, welcome our new anatine overlords!
[–]TruthyPam 33 points34 points35 points 17 hours ago
I'm more worried about the forebears!!
[–]Carbon_Dirt 42 points43 points44 points 17 hours ago
It's okay, I can handle four bears at once!
[–]achillesfist 3 points4 points5 points 14 hours ago
Yes, but what about 4 heterosexual ducks? I didn't think so
[–]gnomechompskey 26 points27 points28 points 17 hours ago
TIL what "anatine" means. Thanks Reddit.
[–]tresbizarre 7 points8 points9 points 16 hours ago
Also anatidaephobia!
[–]djwink 8 points9 points10 points 16 hours ago
You are the first person I've ever known who has been able to use "anatine" in everyday banter. My hat is off to you.
[–]OryxConLara 5 points6 points7 points 16 hours ago
If it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck, enjoys homosexual necrophilia like a duck...
[–]Lobotomus_Prime 51 points52 points53 points 18 hours ago
Ducks will screw anything they find... it doesn't have to be alive, or of the opposite sex.
[–]sandraru 18 points19 points20 points 17 hours ago
This was the first thing I thought of when I read this letter. I don't know about other ducks but Mallard males gang-rape females. Sometimes the female drowns!
[–]thebanditredpanda 6 points7 points8 points 15 hours ago
Yeah, lots of ducks are basically rapist jerks.
[–]3DBeerGoggles 12 points13 points14 points 17 hours ago
What a fowl turn of events!
[–]OryxConLara 1 point2 points3 points 16 hours ago
As long as you don't chicken out
[–]Dafuq_Am_I_here 7 points8 points9 points 17 hours ago
"I'm super cereal right now, guys, the ducks are coming! Did you see how he just quacked at me! He knows!"
[–]Themadprophet 52 points53 points54 points 19 hours ago
Ducks, like any other animal, have homosexual members of their population. Besides the gay sex they also engage in necrophilia. http://www.guardian.co.uk/education/2005/mar/08/highereducation.research
[–]heidavey 420 points421 points422 points 22 hours ago
I don't think that she needed to say that she was homeschooled; that much is self-evident.
[–]hildebraaand 71 points72 points73 points 19 hours ago
I saw that, but I though the person writing it was a lot younger. 14?!
[–]mithgaladh 36 points37 points38 points 18 hours ago
there is a dividing factor due to the homeschooled part.
[–]thrilldigger 32 points33 points34 points 17 hours ago
But usually only in the sciences - while growing up, most homeschoolers were usually a grade or two further in math, English, etc. Their science education could be amazing, if only their parents taught them science...
[–]beardlywoodchop 56 points57 points58 points 17 hours ago
I was home schooled grades 4-8 then put into a public high school which kind of sucked. It took a military enlistment, some very hard manual labor jobs, and going to college to break the fog of that early educational experience.
I am not mad at my parents for doing this they had the best intentions, but if the topic comes up in conversation I do let them know that they fucked up. If you're not a trained professional educator you don't have any business in education.
I found the lack of social experiences to be the most damaging and found myself playing catch up on numerous occasions.
[–]rawysocki 22 points23 points24 points 16 hours ago
Some of the most important things you can learn aren't part of the curriculum. I always feel bad for the homeschooled kids who can't keep up socially. Too many of them try and compensate and end up hanging out with the kids on the short path to drug use and/or dropping out of school.
[–]apunasatapulobin 14 points15 points16 points 15 hours ago
I was homeschooled from 9th grade - 11th, then put in public high school for my senior year. It was god awful. My dad worked full time and my mom worked part time until 1 in the afternoon. I would wake up around 11 play guitar hero and browse the internet and shit until she got home. Then we'd attempt to do some school work but never really got much accomplished. Not to mention I have a brother and 2 sisters who were all also homeschooled at the same time.
I took a few classes in a church where other homeschoolers had class together. Everything was Christian based learning, even in chemistry and biology our textbooks were written from a creationist viewpoint. It was so bad that parents actually had to sign a statement saying that they believed in Christ and they were a practicing believers of Christianity to be able to have their children taught there.
I can honestly say those years of my life were completely wasted. I barely learned a thing. I felt trapped inside my house, I held none of the same beliefs as my parents or my peers or my teachers, so I had barely any friends. The extreme conservatism and right wing ideology that is crammed down your throat as a homeschooler is almost unbearable. 90% of the other homeschooled kids I knew were rich and spoiled.
I went back to high school and did poorly, mostly C's. I went to community college (parents wouldn't help out financially) and now I'm a dropout. Thanks mom and dad. You fucked me.
TL;DR: Homeschooling fucking sucks.
[–]flippingyouoff 8 points9 points10 points 12 hours ago
Go back to community college and get your degree. Don't let them win.
[–]petzl20 3 points4 points5 points 9 hours ago
You're obviously smarter than many for figuring out the fraud of christianity even though you were steeped in it.
Apply yourself and take courses. Get involved with something you are passionate about. You are not fucked.
Believe me, it's never too late.
[–]somepersonsname 2 points3 points4 points 12 hours ago
How did you siblings turn out ? Pretty similar ? Also are they also now atheists like you ?
[–]OcelotCircus 4 points5 points6 points 15 hours ago
All I remember about grade school is being heavily bullied every. single. day. The bulling started over one rainy morning when I was rushed out to the school bus in a jacket that my cat had peed on that night. The nicknames stuck. People only talked to me when they saw my artwork and commented on how good it was. Otherwise I ate lunch alone, I played alone, and no one ever wanted me for a partner. I was that kid. I BEGGED my parents to let me be home schooled so I could just focus on learning how to spell and all that. Never happened. I eventually moved out of state, which was the fresh start I needed (5th grade) to actually make friends and be social. School was not a productive area of learning for me. I learned more at home than I ever did there.
[–]pang0lin 3 points4 points5 points 16 hours ago
I have three teachers in my immediate family (father, sister and sister) and myself have been a tutor and swim instructor. We have been considering home schooling because of the fact that even first graders have to go through metal detectors to go to school in the public system here and the private system is too expensive and even I question my ability to be a good educator. Stories like yours convince me to simply find a way to make more money and send the kid through the private system.
[–]iltat_work 12 points13 points14 points 15 hours ago
As someone who went to both public and private school, the only differences I found in private school were that my class rank fell and the drugs that were dealt were higher quality (coke instead of weed). I had a couple great teachers, but the majority were no different than public school teachers, and there was even more bullying, cliquishness, and drug use in the private school. The majority of the kids were richer, they could afford nice cars and drugs, they were more spoiled, and they could still easily identify who didn't fit in, even though we wore uniforms. My class rank suffered because there were definitely more highly intelligent kids there, but don't think for a second that private schools don't have all the natural ills of public schools at this point.
[–]Lunchball 8 points9 points10 points 17 hours ago
is there any sort of proof you can provide for that statement? i find it hard to believe that parents with no formal training can teach anything as effectively as a actual teacher who has been doing it for years, it seems it would vary wildly between cases.
[–]SomeoneWhoIsntYou 13 points14 points15 points 17 hours ago
The difference is that homeschooling parents don't have 35 kids to try to teach. They can concentrate on one, or a few, kids.
[–]Vikingshogun 14 points15 points16 points 16 hours ago
the blind can't lead the blind. I live in Alabama, and I gotta say that it would be a nightmare if they were teaching their own children.
[–]TheHatTrick 1 point2 points3 points 15 hours ago
That's funny, because I was educated entirely outside of the public and private school systems, grew up in Alabama, and graduated from a private university with a Masters Degree in Electrical Engineering just before I turned 21. I bought my first home at 25, and in about four more years (I'm 29 now) it'll be completely paid off.
Meanwhile, my girlfriend--who went to a prestigious private school for k-12--couldn't hack college, dropped out, and now is going back to school in her late 20s and still lives in the house her grandparents left behind when they died. She's got plenty of smarts, but those professional educators you're placing so much faith in fucked her completely sideways.
Homeschooling can be a grand slam if it is executed well. Public and private schools can be hellholes that ruin children. It all depends on execution.
The biggest issue is this: who do you trust more with your kids education? Yourself, or some government employee?
If you think you're too stupid to educate children: then congratulations, you are.
Also: neither of my parents have an educator's degree. My father earned an RN in nursing when I was 12. My mother (in her own words) "barely graduated high school." They were smart, but they were not trained educators.
[–]gummers 2 points3 points4 points 15 hours ago
Except the 'blind' people you are talking about grew up and were educated in the Alabama school system. So it sounds like no one is doing a good job.
[–]queenofshovels[] 3 points4 points5 points 16 hours ago
And really, most 'education training' is just about learning how to deal with managing a classroom of 35 kids.
[–]rawysocki 2 points3 points4 points 16 hours ago
Most of what I've learned as a teacher isn't the classroom management as much as the pacing, as well as different methods of checking for understanding.
[–]aeiluindae 3 points4 points5 points 16 hours ago
It's easier to manage one or two kids, there's only one learning style to deal with, feedback is more immediate, and they do a lot of independent work once they get into high school level stuff, so if the textbook is good, they learn well. A kid I knew got into MIT a year early because his mother just starting teaching him the same as his older brother. I never asked what their biology, geology and astronomy education was like (they were pretty religious), but clearly math and physics took.
[–]godill 37 points38 points39 points 17 hours ago
I was homeschooled, but I actually studied real books. Shit like this makes many agnostic/atheist homeschoolers look bad. :|
[–]Ampere_Sand 16 points17 points18 points 16 hours ago
I think this example makes homeschooling in general look bad. I was raised in a Christian home-school environment and I would love to believe I have turned out okay. I'm currently pursuing a bachelor's in a field of engineering. My brother plays in a youth orchestra that travels overseas, and studies composition from the classical to modern eras in hopes to become a composer himself. A friend of ours, who was home-schooled in a similar environment, recently went to MIT to compete in a national-level math competition. I will concede, however, that science is not necessarily the home-schooler's strong point. This is not usually the curriculum's fault, instead, most architects do not design houses with K-12 oriented laboratories in their mind! To be honest, home-schooling is completely home-specific. Some can manage, while others should not fathom trying. To generalize home-schooling in a way that we might characterize the American K-12 educational system is simply too much of a leap in logic.
[–]godill 5 points6 points7 points 16 hours ago
Firstly, congrats to you, your brother, and your friend in creating a really successful and productive life. I didn't have many friends because I was homeschooled, so I'm insanely proud you guys turned out all right. It gives me hope for the future; it really, really does. Honestly, homeschooling--while I did get a pretty nice scholarship for college with my grades--just isn't for me. I think homeschoolers tend to be religious fundamentalists, and I doubt the stereotype will ever die out, but I wanted to point out that there's many secular parents and kids I know who have done it and take academics pretty seriously. And and I agree in that homeschooling is indeed pretty home-specific. Case in point: I was raised by hardcore Muslim folks but they didn't 'censor' things (apart from sex ed in biology, heh) or say the earth was 6,000 years old. Apart from the massive social anxiety I have now, I would think I had pretty much the same curriculum as a regular K-12 school.
[–]gummers 3 points4 points5 points 14 hours ago
I don't get this! Science should be one of the easiest things to teach until the later years of highschool where it might get more expensive for homeschoolers. In the lower grades, the science experiments you can do around the house are nearly endless. This year alone we have:
And my kids are pretty young. Science is a fav because there is so much out of seat work to do... the best kind.
[–]striptococcus 6 points7 points8 points 15 hours ago
Fucking, right? I was home schooled and get better grades than every person I know who went to public school. Anecdotal, but backed up my facts. Yes, I did meet crazy religious zealots who taught their children that the earth was 2,000 years old, that it was wrong to hold hands with the opposite sex until marriage and plenty of other fucked up shit. Those are typically the kids who are socially retarded, but religion was going to fuck you up anyway so I don't see the point in blaming that on home schooling.
[–]funksaurus 163 points164 points165 points 17 hours ago
Pretty sure this is satire.
[–]heidavey 181 points182 points183 points 17 hours ago
Without a winking smiley or other blatant display of humor, it is utterly impossible to parody a Creationist in such a way that someone won't mistake it for the genuine article.
I was that someone this time...
[–]djinnitek 36 points37 points38 points 16 hours ago
Poe's law?
[–]PsyDM 31 points32 points33 points 16 hours ago
It's very difficult to parody creationists - they're already such fantastic parodies of themselves.
[–]kush_domain 6 points7 points8 points 16 hours ago
Sometimes it is legitimately difficult to tell the difference between a brilliant satirist and a batshit insane fundamentalist.
[–]McWut 14 points15 points16 points 18 hours ago
I thought it was satire, but now I'm not sure.
Could it really be entirely serious?
[–]biggzy91 23 points24 points25 points 17 hours ago
I coach a bunch of home school kids aged 5-7 I get lectured on the bible every day, quoted scriptures. I made the mistake of wishing them a happy Easter and hope the bunny brings heaps of chocolate. It's hard not to feel sad when a kid aged 6 is telling you Easter is about the death of Jesus and how he died for us. I loved the Easter bunny when I was a kid. So in summary homeschool kids/parents are extremely religious and will force it on you. So I believe they could be taught that ducks will rule us
[–]shyphen 14 points15 points16 points 17 hours ago
Not ALL homeschooled kids/parents are extremely religious or will force it on you. Many are, sure, but not all.
[–]enesis 5 points6 points7 points 17 hours ago
When written, irony can be hard to grasp :)
[–]lomo_de_puerco 6 points7 points8 points 17 hours ago
I'm pretty sure you need to watch the episode of south park about "sarcastoball". I highly doubt this is a serious article and was likely written to be read facetiously.
[–]tsingi 4 points5 points6 points 19 hours ago
LOL!
I didn't read that far. Couldn't do it. That does clear things up.
[–]TheYuri 67 points68 points69 points 22 hours ago
I've encountered religious people who become really enraged at the idea that people 2,000, 5,000, 10,000 years ago were as intelligent as we are now. This goes together with a very basic misunderstanding of what technology is and how scientific progress happens.
But what I find hilarious is this faith in evolution, without any understanding of how evolution works, that they manage to find when they think it suits their needs.
[–]doaftheloaf 74 points75 points76 points 22 hours ago
some religious people are strongly opposed to the idea that there WAS a 10,000 years ago...
[–]ticking_clock 18 points19 points20 points 16 hours ago
My mother once asked me "How could there be cave paintings that are 35,000 years old if the world is only 2011 years old?". It was a very long conversation with a lot more questions. In the end I got "well,I like the idea that God put everything on the planet."
[–]thisgunnabegood 10 points11 points12 points 15 hours ago
I would like it to. It makes life more neat and tidy.
But I'd also like to be rich. Doesn't make me rich...
[–]spin0r 6 points7 points8 points 17 hours ago*
Shouldn't we be more intelligent (on average) than people from 10000 years ago? Intelligence is subject to gradual change in populations, just as all other heritable traits. In fact, the selective pressure on intelligence was probably particularly high during the last 10000 years as human societies shifted from primarily hunter-gatherer to primarily agrarian, becoming larger and more complex.
[–]TheYuri 10 points11 points12 points 17 hours ago
As a matter of fact, I don't know. There is some evidence however that intelligence, as measured by IQ, is in fact decreasing rather than increasing (Lynna, Richard, and John Harvey. The decline of the world's IQ. Intelligence Volume 36, Issue 2, March–April 2008, Pages 112–120).
[–]XynthZ 15 points16 points17 points 16 hours ago
I believe Mike Judge did an interesting documentary on this trend as well.
[–]lowrydr310 2 points3 points4 points 14 hours ago
UPGRAYEDD
[–]avesky 6 points7 points8 points 16 hours ago
I will be buying stock in Brawndo. After all, it has what plants crave.
[–]drnc 5 points6 points7 points 16 hours ago
Intelligence, as measure by IQ is actually increasing. At least in the last hundred years or so. It's called the Flynn effect.
Ignore the first part. I looked up the article you referenced.
Actually, I found that article. I'm going to call it plausible, at best, but I'm skeptical. First, I don't think it's fair to extrapolate IQ based on number of children before and after the advent of modern birth control. Furthermore, this problem is more worrisome because they try to extrapolate this onto developing countries; countries that may be seeing the pill for the first time. Now, it's fairly well documented that children with high IQs are more likely to do drugs. Should I assume that there was a large boom in IQ between 1960 and 1980 and a sharp decrease after that? I'm pulling these years because of the crack cocaine epidemic in the 1980s and early 1990s. No, that's just silly.
Another issue I take with the article is the assumption that intelligence is passed genetically. The heritability of IQ is not well know at this point, and it seems that this article relies heavily on the assumption IQ is passed genetically. I concede, to a point, that it is passed genetically, but that is no guarantee. Especially because it's hard to quantify and control for factors like people with high IQs are more likely to provide their children with good nutrition and enroll their children in early education programs.
I admit I'm not an expert when it comes to IQ and biological papers. You probably know more about this topic than I do, but I find the foundations of this paper very suspicious.
[–]Calamintha 3 points4 points5 points 15 hours ago
The most common form of selection is stabilizing, not directional. Education and intelligence are different, but let's assume that intelligent people are more like to seek higher education. Birth rate declines with level of education, so that more educated people tend to have fewer if any children, so no, selection is probably not making us smarter over time.
[–]the_space_betwn_us 0 points1 point2 points 16 hours ago
"Le Matin des Magiciens" is a pretty good read. I haven't finished it, but it tells that it is possible that humans are a common recurrence in the universe, that we are the universe experiencing itself. Therefore, we probably are not the first set of humans, even in this earth. And will not be the last ones. Is impossible to tell how intelligent humans were 300 000 000 years ago. Maybe they lived in organic made with chunks of dirt in the sky, and thats why we don't have any evidence about it. Maybe they went all gay and got killed by ducks until the dinosaurs took over. Maybe they had inter-galactic exchanges and moved from planet to planet experiencing the milky way, and we are here, experiencing inter-planetary comunication via internet thinking that we are at the cuspid of our existence. Today we have a broader capacity than 10 000 years ago. Things are more easy to get and information gets more detailed every day. We can become either incredibly smart or incredibly dumb. I don't like to throw percentage, but the balance is inclining for the latter. Even then, 0.8% of smart humans is all you need to keep hope and optimism in our existence as a whole.
[–]swampfish 2 points3 points4 points 15 hours ago
No. Not necessarily. If intelligence were correlated to better chances of reproduction maybe. Anecdotally some of the dumbest people I know have the most kids!
[–]Patrico-8 2 points3 points4 points 16 hours ago
I think the person who wrote the article mentions that she doesn't believe in evolution towards the end.
I think she is trying to make an argument against gay marriage that appeals to the sensibilities of people who believe in evolution, unfortunately, she clearly knows very little about evolution, or ducks for that matter.
[–]PeachesAndSocks 31 points32 points33 points 20 hours ago
"All being equal, with ducks being more equal than us" are they serious?
[–]Gromlick 25 points26 points27 points 18 hours ago
At first I thought that was an Animal Farm reference, and that this was incredible satire. Saw the age of the writer, now not sure...
[–]Khatib 14 points15 points16 points 17 hours ago
You do realize the person that wrote in to a local paper would be able to falsify name, age, and place of schooling with ease, do you not?
[–]Carbon_Dirt 11 points12 points13 points 17 hours ago
This is where Poe's Law gets fuzzy.
[–]LordOfTurtles 8 points9 points10 points 19 hours ago
Hey at least the Ducks didn't fall in the pitfall that is Capitalism
[–]jamersoniiv 30 points31 points32 points 18 hours ago
I'm pretty sure they invented Capitalism, after all they had Bills way before us.
[–]darkforestlake 3 points4 points5 points 18 hours ago
I like what you did there.
[–]cametomysenses 25 points26 points27 points 19 hours ago
I'm a duck, and I approve this message.
[–]bcperry 8 points9 points10 points 17 hours ago
It has begun! Repent!!
[–]rabidllama 21 points22 points23 points 18 hours ago
Dear god. What if these ducks evolve and become...
horse-sized?
[–]oldfatmarriedguy 3 points4 points5 points 15 hours ago
"Would you rather fight one horse sized homosexual duck, or 100 duck sized necrophiliac horses?"
[–]FLASH_ahh_ahhh 37 points38 points39 points 22 hours ago
"If homosexuality spreads, it can cause human evolution to come to a standstill." ... ಠ_ಠ
[–]buckeye-75 41 points42 points43 points 22 hours ago
I'll just wear a gas mask to ward off all the homo cooties. It's the only way to stop the spread of homosexuality. You can never be too careful, you might catch the gay.
[–]LordOfTurtles 16 points17 points18 points 19 hours ago
Don't you know? Gas masks don't protect against the gay, the particles emitted by fags are so small the filter can't catch them! The only way to no become gay is to stop breathing!
[–]buckeye-75 19 points20 points21 points 19 hours ago
Good. I'll convince all my bigoted friends to stop breathing all together.
[–]Grindstone50k 20 points21 points22 points 18 hours ago
I like how gay marriage being made legal = everyone turns gay.
Just the implications of that line of thought....
[–]canadian_sorry 11 points12 points13 points 17 hours ago
Similar to pot being legalized = everyone becomes a stoner.
[–]Grindstone50k 13 points14 points15 points 17 hours ago
I guess it all falls into line with the "without the threat of hell, everyone would kill/rape" train of thought.
[–]thebawsman360 13 points14 points15 points 19 hours ago
"Romans practised homosexuality, and in 2000 years we should have evolved"
"If homosexuality spreads, it can cause human evolution to come to a standstill"
I'm sorry, what?
[–]TKomenbeastly 13 points14 points15 points 17 hours ago
We also should have evolved out of hosting sporting events, political debates, and breathing, but the homosexuals have prevented us from doing so.
[–]angg56 4 points5 points6 points 18 hours ago
I can use big girl words!
-Jasmin. No you can't Jasmin.
[–]Carbon_Dirt 6 points7 points8 points 17 hours ago
Jasmin. Stahp.
[–]CrimsonKuja 17 points18 points19 points 17 hours ago
Too bad the ancient Romans did not believe in homosexuality. They had active and passive roles. They were much more concerned with the acts involved than the genders of the people involved. Currently writing a 30 page paper on ancient Roman and Greek sexuality for my degree. This 14 year old is a little twit.
[–]_______walrus 3 points4 points5 points 17 hours ago
I learned this as well in class awhile ago so the memory might be a bit hazy. Romans didn't have a "name" for homosexuality. It was just as you said -- active and passive roles. The modern-day definition of homosexuality cannot be applied to ancient times simply because it was completely different. Please correct me if I'm wrong.
[–]CrimsonKuja 4 points5 points6 points 17 hours ago
Yeah, you got it. Heterosexuality, homosexuality didn't exist. It was actually expected for a Roman man (misogynistic society) to have relations with both men and women. They viewed the passive man and active woman (woman are only meant to be passive "receiving") as an abomination. You can draw similarities to our society and what we define sexuality, but you need to suspend it as well to take in the what people 2,000 years ago believed and how their society worked.
[–]SonareAtheist 13 points14 points15 points 21 hours ago
Screw that, ducks are adorable
[–]borg88 23 points24 points25 points 20 hours ago
I think you mean delicious.
[–]spacexplosion 4 points5 points6 points 16 hours ago
They can be both. Aren't adorable things always delicious?
[–]dlove67 5 points6 points7 points 12 hours ago
You stay the fuck away from my cat.
[–]ed2610 11 points12 points13 points 17 hours ago
brilliant troll
[–]MadMadMax 10 points11 points12 points 20 hours ago
She HAS to be trolling. No one can be that stupid... I hope.
[–]angg56 6 points7 points8 points 18 hours ago
Even homeshooled 14 year old?
[–]Hagan311 12 points13 points14 points 19 hours ago
Ducks are one of the animals that practice homosexuality. I am not really pissed off about the gay bashing, but by this girls lack of duck knowledge!!
[–]JJStryker 8 points9 points10 points 18 hours ago
I live in alabama and I see/hear shit like this very regularly. I see that Christianity is nothing more than brainwashed people brainwashing their children and not even allowing them freedom to think for themselves. I thank my parents(who are Christian) for allowing me to chose my own path and not pushing me into Christianity. TL:DR- this happens all the time where I live in alabama
[–]jonassteele 8 points9 points10 points 19 hours ago
best/youngest troll ever?
[–]merrrmerr 6 points7 points8 points 22 hours ago
This homeschooled child knows, guys. The jig is up!
[–]boardin1 4 points5 points6 points 17 hours ago
Quack quack quack "Quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack!" Quack quack quack quack quack quack. Quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack.
Quack, quack quack quack quack quack quack?
[–]GotHicks 4 points5 points6 points 17 hours ago
Ducks rape each other habitually.
[–]lowlatitude 4 points5 points6 points 19 hours ago
So you're saying Howard the Duck is real?
[–]kingbreakfast 4 points5 points6 points 18 hours ago
Sadly being homeschooled can very easily lead to this kind of attitude. Both my younger brother and myself were homeschooled K-8 and having gone through that experience I can say that while many children do end up with this sort of attitude not all do.
One of the major reasons for this is that most suppliers of homeschooling text books have an extreme religious bias too them whether it be part of a science text, math text, or literature text. However once our parents discovered this they took special care to help my younger brother and I understand what exactly was going on in the situation. Now both of my parents are religious people (Methodist to be exact) and we were raised going to church and Sunday School every Sunday. However our parents were unwilling to allow that kind of bias in their children's education which would have completely stunted our intellectual growth as well as our ability for critical thinking. Every time something would pop up in this vein our mother would give an explanation and offer other avenues of thought which were more scientifically grounded and when our father got home would be informed of what had happened and would make sure we had brushed up on the more scientific and secular readings given to us.
Fast forward to the present day and my younger brother and I both have college educations, understand the difference between bias and scientific reasoning, and he enjoys and agnostic life while I enjoy my atheist one. However due to our unique experience we understand the difficulty of and challenges of a homeschooled education. And while religious reasons and aims is certainly a majority of the reasons, and outcomes, for homeschooling they do not represent the entire group. My brother and I are proof of that.
[–]linux_add 4 points5 points6 points 18 hours ago
blah blah blah stunts human evolution blah blah blah ... I don't believe in evolution.
blah blah blah stunts human evolution blah blah blah
...
I don't believe in evolution.
Cherry-picking not just the bible now, are we? Evolution is true when I want to ban gay marriage, but not true when humans descend from great apes?
I don't want to live on this planet anymore.
[–]PandaSixx 4 points5 points6 points 17 hours ago
Shock, it's from a 14 year old who was homeschooled with religion in place of science.
[–]Xm0shcryptX 4 points5 points6 points 16 hours ago
She is afraid ducks will evolve past us, but doesn't believe in evolution, what the fuck kind of world do I live in
[–]dyrale 4 points5 points6 points 16 hours ago
A 14 year old girl wrote that? Not her mom who is teaching/coaching her?
I call fowl.
[–]penguinland 4 points5 points6 points 16 hours ago
...so if we accept that gay people exist, then the ducks win because they're not gay? This girl has nothing to be worried about; there are already gay necrophiliac ducks.
[–]gman92 7 points8 points9 points 16 hours ago
I think this is satire. Anyone else catch an Animal Farm reference in there? "We will be in danger of all being equal, with ducks more equal than us."
[–]junction182736 3 points4 points5 points 21 hours ago
Now I don't feel so bad about all the ducks I've run over by accident.
[–]DonSwanson 3 points4 points5 points 20 hours ago
Ahhh, it all finally makes sense now... Homosexuality is what our ancestors practised, hence it genetically passed on through the gays children....... and ducks are always hetero...but if a law is passed to allow gays the same legal rights as hetero people, we will all start living in ponds and ducks will run the world. And evolution will exist only when we want it to and the churches will be made of gold. missing anything?
[–]IgnosticZealot 2 points3 points4 points 18 hours ago
Ducks have a higher rate of homosexuality than us...
[–]stanbeard 3 points4 points5 points 17 hours ago
This has Poe's law written all over it.
[–]thefoodisalive 3 points4 points5 points 17 hours ago
Of course she's homeschooled...
[–]big_onion 3 points4 points5 points 17 hours ago
That part about ducks nesting in pairs is bullshit. I raise ducks and we have one drake for every 5 hens. During warm days the drakes covering all their hens, trust me. Sometimes two or three on one.
And we've occasionally had some homosexual ducks, drakes that were mounted constantly by the dominant drakes, and they seemed happy enough in their exploits.
So even in ducks, someone likes to be the bottom.
EDIT: Added group duck sex.
[–]thehighhobo 3 points4 points5 points 17 hours ago
The stupidity. It gave me cancer.
[–]jetstumpy 3 points4 points5 points 17 hours ago
Clearly this argument is flawless.
[–]BuddhaLennon 3 points4 points5 points 12 hours ago
Apparently this person is completely unaware of the well-established fact that queer ducks exist, and also form lifelong partnerships. Yet, there are still a lot of ducks.
Though, I will agree they are more equal, as the straight ducks don't waste their life energy telling the gay ducks that they an abomination and will spend eternity in a BBQ.
[–]StrangeJesus 5 points6 points7 points 17 hours ago*
If you let the gays be, the ducks will "get you in the end." Did I read that right? So these are gay ducks? But I thought there were no gay ducks. What else can get me in the end? I guess there are duck chicks with dicks. Or ducks with strap-ons. Maybe she means The Mighty Ducks? Is Emilio Estevez part of this? I'm so confused. I don't want to be sodomized by a duck; that much I'm sure of.
EDIT: I'm sure that if enough of us search for "gay duck" on kink.com, we'll very soon see Annie Cruz in a duck costume giving it to some sissy boy with a strap-on.
[–]Yagihige 4 points5 points6 points 22 hours ago
Age 14... It shows.
[–]drjalexanderphysics 6 points7 points8 points 21 hours ago
Well, there are actually a few of us that aren't home-schooled indoctrinated ignoramuses.
[–]LostChildinSnow 2 points3 points4 points 21 hours ago
This is in the "humor" section. Right?
[–]CyLLama 2 points3 points4 points 18 hours ago
"I do not believe in evolution. However, the powers that be believe in [it]"
It terrifies me how some people still think that the universe works based on human opinion or belief. By that logic, dinosaur bones wouldn't have existed before evolutionary theory was developed and they just popped into existence 65 million years after they lived.
[–]PigKiller3001 2 points3 points4 points 18 hours ago
I think she's like a 14-year-old jonathon swift!
[–]majorboredom1 2 points3 points4 points 17 hours ago
I want to see a picture of a bunch of gay ducks fighting little crusade children, and I want it now.
[–]Yandrosloc 2 points3 points4 points 17 hours ago
Actually it makes sense, if you change a couple of the words.
Religion, including Christianity, is not an enlightened idea. The Romans practiced religion. Surely after 2000 years, our level of intelligence should have evolved somewhat.....
We should learn from history and not be stuck with copying ancient behavior. The government has no right to bring us back to the bronze age.
There...MUCH better and accurate.
[–]fsck_karma 3 points4 points5 points 17 hours ago
That kid is a trolling genius. 10/10
[–]Carbon_Dirt 2 points3 points4 points 17 hours ago
Guys, we should have evolved beyond the need for feet by now. We've had feet for thousands of years, if we don't get rid of them soon then animals with wings might try to take over. And we don't want a war, do we?
[–]nhguy03276 3 points4 points5 points 17 hours ago
Yet duck frequently practice Homosexuality, and gang rape... Source.. I grew up on a farm, and we had ducks...
[–]GeneralLeeBlount 2 points3 points4 points 17 hours ago
I think we all need a moment of science.
[–]mackduck 2 points3 points4 points 16 hours ago
Okay- let me state clearly that I have been owned by a duck for 8 years and thus think ducks already run the damn planet. Having said THAT- this is the reason home education needs careful monitoring- because children get taught the biggest amount of wrongness possible by parents too ignorant to think.
[–]cockyjeremy 0 points1 point2 points 16 hours ago
"Homeschooled" - Ya don't say?
[–]k_hansen2 0 points1 point2 points 16 hours ago
homeschooled lol
[–]paullywog 0 points1 point2 points 16 hours ago
Ah, homeschool.
[–]SnakeSnakeSnakeSna 0 points1 point2 points 16 hours ago
Aaaaand then I saw he was homeschooled and everything made sense.
[–]Portablelephant 2 points3 points4 points 15 hours ago
I was thinking, who could possibly think... then I saw it, "Homeschooled", there's your problem right there.
[–]IAMZEUSALMIGHTY 2 points3 points4 points 12 hours ago
In 2033, the first human will walk on mars. 8 months later, these brave people will return only to be confronted with "Get your stinking beak off me you damn dirty duck!"
[–]_killface 2 points3 points4 points 8 hours ago
"I don't want my children to compete with ducks." Is easily the most bizarre sentence I have read today.
Also: I disagree with homeschooling when the parents are obviously massive bigots and are teaching their kids to be hate-filled little shits like them. The fact that a 14 year old wrote this is fucking tragic. I thought it was a bitter middle aged person until I got to the end - turns out they were just parroting one.
[–]EddieSchmenderson 2 points3 points4 points 8 hours ago
Ducks, guys. Fuckin' ducks.
[–]SantiagoHardgrave 2 points3 points4 points 21 hours ago
I can't help but feel bad for her.
She was taught to value Bronze Age literature before valuing logic, evidence, and critical thinking. If someone's to blame her, it's almost certainly her parents and church.
[–]perfect_exceeder 3 points4 points5 points 17 hours ago
If people should evolve in 2000 years, then shouldn't she throw away her bible? I mean, the atheist ducks are now more evolved than she is.
[–]frakedelic 0 points1 point2 points 20 hours ago
14, homeschooled, and incredibly stupid. A winning combination
[–]Stainless-S-Rat 1 point2 points3 points 21 hours ago
The irony is strong with this one, or the hypocrisy.
[–]MFJeremias 1 point2 points3 points 19 hours ago
You know, science.
[–]abeigor -1 points0 points1 point 19 hours ago
Fucking ducks.
[–]Grindstone50k 2 points3 points4 points 18 hours ago
Ducking fucks.
[–]jkbrile 0 points1 point2 points 19 hours ago
Seems legit.
[–]hildebraaand 0 points1 point2 points 19 hours ago
I never get sick of hearing this, because its so easy to refute. Legal definition of marriage is by two consenting adult humans. All slippery slope arguments are void.
[–]vsalaka -1 points0 points1 point 18 hours ago
Relevant?
[–]zokah 0 points1 point2 points 18 hours ago
I want them (my children) to evolve further than I have I don't believe in evolution
I want them (my children) to evolve further than I have
I don't believe in evolution
Time to get a new teacher cos the current teachers are failing :D
[–]Hithrae 0 points1 point2 points 18 hours ago
A world ruled by Ducks. Now that's a quacking idea!
[–]colesn 0 points1 point2 points 18 hours ago
So, you're telling us that your local paper OKAY'D this crap?!
[–]ProfessorRoze 1 point2 points3 points 18 hours ago
Ducks? Of all the creatures on this blue marble of ours you choose DUCKS!?!
Watch a movie, ya nut.
[–]madusa77 0 points1 point2 points 18 hours ago
Ducks....why did we not not know this till now?
[–]cjackw 0 points1 point2 points 18 hours ago
Ducks are also really really into rape.
[–]simjanes2k 1 point2 points3 points 17 hours ago
I'm glad this was published. Even bad opinions should have a voice. It's lack of merit should stand on it's own, not be squelched by default.
I will also note that I am a moderately successful business owner, atheist, and attempting to be a philanthropist after being homeschooled in a Christian home. I hope people don't get too down on homeschooling because of a few bad eggs (DUCK JOKE LEVEL 99).
[–]NatePrivee 0 points1 point2 points 17 hours ago
Homeschool: not even once.
[–]iamnotfacetious 0 points1 point2 points 17 hours ago
Homeschooled....who hired her to write anything for anyone?
[–]Jonesy1983 1 point2 points3 points 17 hours ago
Cleverer... Really? may just be me, but using that word makes me think the person who used it sounds stupid. surely "more clever" would be better!
[–]swarley51 0 points1 point2 points 17 hours ago
I totally thought this was troll, until I saw it was written by a fourteen year old...shit
[–]DooDooBrownz 1 point2 points3 points 17 hours ago
can't tell if dumb kid or brilliant troll
[–]TotallyNotThatOneGuy 0 points1 point2 points 17 hours ago
But I like ducks!):
[–]the_cowboy 0 points1 point2 points 17 hours ago
Wait, so she rambles on for three paragraphs about ducks taking over the world if gay marriage is allowed, and the response in this thread is "retard christian teenager!" rather than "haha, satire"? It's clearly not written by a 14 year old.
[–]tnb641 1 point2 points3 points 17 hours ago
"...not be stuck copying ancient behaviour." Jasmin H., 14, Homeschooled
There it is folks, no need to practice religion anymore!
[–]dudesndudes 1 point2 points3 points 17 hours ago
Horse sized ducks are coming. Watch out.
[–]akleos 0 points1 point2 points 17 hours ago
My god, it's already started! SFW
[–]nicholasferber 0 points1 point2 points 17 hours ago
right.. so doesnt christianity come under ancient behaviour?
[–]Billlbo 1 point2 points3 points 17 hours ago
Romans took baths. Why the fuck are we still taking simple baths? If we don't event some cool fucking badass car-baths the ducks will take us over. I want to take a shower in my honda civic. Fuck you logic.
[–]SamFryer 0 points1 point2 points 17 hours ago
Is there any source with less authority than a home schooled 14 year old? It's a moot point anyway, since this was clearly written (possibly dictated, or at least heavily edited) by their parent.
[–]Autodidact2 0 points1 point2 points 17 hours ago
If not written by Poe, this is the best thing ever. Ducks. Yes, ducks. Wait, that can't be serious, can it?
[–]Tristan50450 0 points1 point2 points 17 hours ago
Fucking 14 year old home schooled girls, man. Ducks have already lost this race; and if you are really concerned, i would keep an eye on the dolphins.. however, homosexuality is good when we overpopulate the world and are running bare on resources. Ever think it could be the natural way a species can thin out their numbers when times get tough?
[–]mikejoesis 0 points1 point2 points 17 hours ago
Haha lost it at the ducks
[–]T3hSav 0 points1 point2 points 17 hours ago
That person has the grammar and spelling of a fourth grader.
[–]allothernamestaken 1 point2 points3 points 17 hours ago
We should learn from history and not be stuck with copying ancient behaviour.
I couldn't agree more.
[–]Mangalf 1 point2 points3 points 17 hours ago
I think she's not aware of how important ducks are, yo.
[–]thestreaker 0 points1 point2 points 17 hours ago
I would like to point out that not all homeschoolers are semi-retarded...
[–]rneu12 -1 points0 points1 point 17 hours ago
all it takes is a username and password
create account
is it really that easy? only one way to find out...
already have an account and just want to login?
login
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