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top 200 commentsshow 500

[–]snarlyj 1280 points1281 points ago

I remember flying out of San Francisco right after that 'scare' in 2006, when almost no one knew about the new regulations. Several people in line had NICE bottles of wine they'd picked up, and there wasn't an easy method of suddenly shipping them or carefully putting them in checked luggage or whatever. Everyone was just being told to throw their liquid away.

When I got in line for security, bottles of wine were being passed up and down the line as people had tries. I was about 18 an LOVING IT haha. A security guard told me it'd been happening for over an hour (with new people joining the line and opening their own) and "hey, we aren't going to stop it, unless it starts being a problem."

I like to think it continued all day.

[–]Kazmarov 366 points367 points ago

There is nothing better in a stressful, cramped, and authoritarian airport than having everyone be rip-roaring drunk.

I predict Smarte Cart races and incessant gambling.

[–]heyyouitsmewhoitsme 110 points111 points ago

This "drunk in airports" thing needs to happen all the time. Although I can imagine a lot of people losing their boarding passes...

[–]lazy8s 281 points282 points ago

It's called business travel

[–]jbredditor 55 points56 points ago

Was gonna say, as someone who travels a lot for business, there are very few times when I'm not drunk in an airport.

[–]Dozzi92 30 points31 points ago

As the old saying goes, "If I'm not wasted, the flight is."

[–]MoonGas 16 points17 points ago

Being drunk in the airport is fun. Having your hangover set in while on a 22 hour flight is not. I learnt this the hard way.

[–]reddit_beats_college 18 points19 points ago

Dude, you know you can't get a hangover if you don't stop drinking?

[–]ButcherGrimley 6 points7 points ago

I wanted to say this, why on earth would you STOP drinking during a 22 hour flight?!?

[–]rospaya 12 points13 points ago

Having something like 15 hours to spare, my friend and I walked from the airport to some town in Denmark, bought as much beer as we could carry and walked back before passing out waiting for our flight.

[–]jd230 7 points8 points ago

I was once held over in San Jose Airport for 4 hours on a flight for Reno. The delay was longer than the flight. Everyone went to the bar to wait. By the time the plane boarded, we were all pretty wasted, but it was Christmas Eve. They let us all on, and it was one of the most fun flights I have ever been on.

[–]lnev 3 points4 points ago

"We've been betting on arrivals and departures. I'm down $3200... you've gotta get me some cash!"

-- Cosmo Kramer

[–]Sentient_Waffle 507 points508 points ago

Suddenly, herpes.

[–]shryne 341 points342 points ago

Suddenly, mono.

[–]RockasaurusRex 295 points296 points ago

Why are we forgetting the awesomeness? "Suddenly, drunk at 35000 ft!"

[–]KazakTheSpaceDog 451 points452 points ago

I love getting drunk on planes, it just feels classy. They get all bitchy whenever I light a cigarette though. Fucking squares.

[–]GreatLookingGuy 164 points165 points ago

And they put that ash tray in the bathrooms just to fuck with you.

[–]socks 140 points141 points ago

And you can't make jokes about bombs any more; you have to get all Monty-Pythonesque and refer to them as those 'you know whats'....

[–]plasteredmaster 53 points54 points ago

wink, wink. nudge, nudge.

[–]feureau 26 points27 points ago

puts cup of wine in fold down table

Now listen here! Are you insinuating something?!

[–]rdiss 21 points22 points ago

Yeah, you can't make a joke about a bomb. Well why is it just jokes? What about a riddle? How about a pun? How about a bomb anecdote? You know, no punchline, just a really cute story. Or suppose you intended to remark, not as a joke, but as an ironic musing. Are they prepared to make that distinction? Why, I think NOT.

  • George Carlin, R.I.P.

[–]Dawn_Of_The_Dave 63 points64 points ago

They are legally obliged to put that ashtray there after someone stubbing one out in the bin caused a crash killing 123 people in 1973.

http://gizmodo.com/5912352/why-airplanes-still-have-ashtrays-in-the-bathrooms

[–]anonymous-coward 79 points80 points ago

I'm going to start bringing extinguished cigarettes onto planes and depositing them in lavatory ashtrays, just to screw with them.

edit: buckets.

[–]Dawn_Of_The_Dave 65 points66 points ago

YOU, I LIKE THE WAY YOU THINK.

Edit: The caps were accidental but I'm going to run with them. I think they add pathos.

Edit: and hubris

[–]BangkokPadang 12 points13 points ago

and hubris.

[–]laddergoat89 29 points30 points ago

Wow, I've never thought about how hellish long flights must be for smokers.

lollerskatez.

[–]AndroidHelp 15 points16 points ago

eCig My Nig. Whatca know about that? It's like magic and shit, is it smoke? Is it vapor? Is it harmful? WHO THE FUCK KNOWS JUST PUT IT IN YOUR BODY THEY SAY! Well, I fucking did, it is amazing. When people come up to me and say, "you can't smoke in here! It's a no smoking place!" I slap that bitch in the mouth and say "look dummy, it ain't no cig, it's a mother fucking eCig! I can smoke anywhere I want to, now fuck off Fuckwaffle" then I promply but sir like take a hit of my eCig and throw them the bird.

If can only see when I did there it was place a dog and shit birds in the gulley if you dig?

[–]Xephik 4 points5 points ago

Wat

[–]whateverdottcom[S] 5 points6 points ago

A few weeks ago I was flying to St Petersburg, Russia and when I got off the plane my technique was to follow everyone else to baggage claim.....unfortunately, after about 150ft everyone (and i mean everyone) disappeared. I look to my side and notice a teeny weeny smoking room having a clown car moment

[–]MsCynical 39 points40 points ago

Suddenly, turbulence at 35,000 ft!

(as a metric user, can't say I have any idea how high that really is)

[–]thatissomeBS 59 points60 points ago

It's just under 12,000 yards.

[–]isaac-newton 113 points114 points ago

About 150,000 potatoes.

[–]GreatLookingGuy 51 points52 points ago

About 75,000 gerbils.

[–]Tw1tchy3y3 82 points83 points ago

Where the fuck are you getting your gerbils that they're as long as two potatoes? ... because seriously, I want one.

[–]GreatLookingGuy 77 points78 points ago

Mike's Gerbils on 5th. Best in the city.

[–]FoxDown 16 points17 points ago

10.668 kilometers.

[–]MsCynical 10 points11 points ago

Cheers

[–]thecityboy 23 points24 points ago

I got mono this way, passing bottles after graduation at high school. Still a virgin for 3 years after that.

[–]i_have_a_raging_clue 48 points49 points ago

I got mono this way...still a virgin for 3 years after that.

Correlation does not imply causation

[–]shades_of_black 60 points61 points ago

alcohol kills germs, right??

[–]pingoopark 36 points37 points ago

99.99% of 'em.

[–]w1ll1amz 56 points57 points ago

that 00.01% are unstoppable.

[–]AcousticHigh 58 points59 points ago

They are the 0.01%

Occupy Wall Street!

[–]red13 60 points61 points ago

#OccupyCDC

[–]mirkle 58 points59 points ago

Herpes is a virus, biologically speaking it isn't a living organism in the first place.

[–]swrdswllngwhr 249 points250 points ago

Sort of. Biology's general consensus on the matter tends to be something like "eeeeeh..." accompanied by a 'so-so' hand motion.

[–]thatissomeBS 92 points93 points ago

I would like to think of that as their official stance, rather than a general consensus.

Then a biologist can give that exact answer while being an expert witness in trial.

[–]_xiphiaz 14 points15 points ago

I'd love to hear a scenario in which that particular question is relevant in a trial

[–]RavarSC 26 points27 points ago

War crimes trial for bioweapons

[–]Sinthemoon 46 points47 points ago

Are these bioweapons?

"eeeeeh..."

'so-so' hand motion

[–]Physics101 42 points43 points ago

I think you guys just wrote an SMBC joke.

[–]thefran 55 points56 points ago

Biologist here. My answer to the question "so, is a virus a living organism" is throwing a smoke bomb and exiting the stage in resulting chaos

[–]Ajesteronly 14 points15 points ago

Do you also replace the space you previously were occupying with a log?

[–]Ambrose_Balin 7 points8 points ago

I like the fact that there seems to be a self-organizing step between inert material and full-blown life. It really makes me feel more connected to the lifeless material we grew out of.

[–]HitlerYouthPresident 27 points28 points ago

The idea of viruses being living organisms or not is a bit debated, no?

[–]Perite 25 points26 points ago

It is accepted that they are not a living organism as they lack a cellular structure and do not contain the machinery required to reproduce. The cannot be considered living organisms without possessing these. However, they may be described as on "the edge of life" as they do share many characteristics of it.

[–]dOrbital 24 points25 points ago

Biologically speaking, a virus will still fucking kill you.

[–]plasteredmaster 23 points24 points ago

so will a bullet, but it is not living...

[–]iAmTheOnlyCloud 16 points17 points ago

"Guns don't kill people, fucking viruses do."

[–]CassandraVindicated 5 points6 points ago

The may be, but prions are either and they give me the mad cow.

[–]Frankeh 43 points44 points ago

Everyone has a bit of mouth herpes anyway. You'd have to be a freaking nun to not have it by 20.

[–]the_opinion 86 points87 points ago

More specifically, a nun that's never met me.

[–]hullokoala 11 points12 points ago

A statistic I came across a while ago was that 40 or 50% of adult will have some form of herpes by the age of fifty IIRC. That may be just referring to to cold sores. It's been a few years since reading it.

[–]Frankeh 24 points25 points ago

I believe it's nearer 90% if you include the little mouth version.

[–]thecityboy 13 points14 points ago

From German Wikipedia

In Deutschland konnten bei 84 bis 92 % der Personen einer altersnormalisierten Stichprobenuntersuchung Antikörper gegen HSV-1 nachgewiesen werden.[11]

So at least in Germany 84-92% of people of an age-normalized group had antibodies for HSV-1. I.e. 8-14% of Germans live like nuns, or play WoW.

[–]PeoplesRepublicofCA 18 points19 points ago

20% genital 90% oral

[–]caskey 27 points28 points ago

Sounds like a line from an awful Help Wanted ad.

[–]cycloethane87 12 points13 points ago

Let us take this moment to remember that there are multiple different herpes viruses that are very dissimilar in their effects.

[–]ffca 13 points14 points ago

There are 2 herpes viruses.

edit: I should add that there are two viruses, HSV 1 and 2, that cause what is commonly known as herpes. There are other members in the herpesvirus family.

[–]capt_ishmael 9 points10 points ago

What scare happened in 2006?

[–]canucklehead13 13 points14 points ago

I flew out of London Heathrow a few days after the liquids scare in '06 (the liquids terror plot originated there). I've never seen so many expensive bottles of perfume and cologne left at a security line before

[–]Get9 5 points6 points ago

I was once at the security checkpoint in Paris, and a Parisian was told he was not allowed to bring his bottle of wine onto the plane. I figured he'd either throw or give it away, but he chugged the entire thing.

[–]Zeroseventwoeight 3 points4 points ago

I had a flight a few hours after that guy was caught. I didn't have any liquids lucky, however I was only 15 and hadn't checked my backpack all that well. They were in such a tissy over liquids I got through security unknowingly carrying a bunch of cap gun caps (which are basically small unthreatening explosives). I was rummaging through my bag well waiting for the plane and found them. I walked up to some airport employee and gave them to him. He did not look happy.

[–]fritula 705 points706 points ago

The best thing is that if she succeeds in drinking/sharing with fellow passengers, the liquid that was denied entrance, will actually get on the plane.

Take that TSA!

[–]throwaway59599 261 points262 points ago

And if the flight has much turbulence, the liquid might even turn into bombs going off mid-flight.

[–]swampfish 62 points63 points ago

And with that comment, now you are on a watch list.

[–]RUN_BKK 20 points21 points ago

Its ok, he used a throwaway

[–]Kazmarov 178 points179 points ago

"Scotch, I'm gonna sneak you into the movies in my tummy!"

Patton Oswalt

[–]Genmaken 22 points23 points ago

Then the passengers will make some sort of human centipede, mix the liquid again and blow up the plane.

[–]darktemplardude 176 points177 points ago

Did anyone accept her free shots?

[–]chejrw 236 points237 points ago

I would.

Hell, divide that shit down to 3oz containers and you're good to go.

[–]Poofengle 86 points87 points ago

That's 2 shots, a perfect amount to get you through a mid-length flight

[–]Barbaric_Emu 414 points415 points ago

Oh man I wish 2 shots would do anything to me

[–]EmperorSofa 68 points69 points ago

I have a problem with getting drunk. Sometimes I just feel like getting sloppy drunk, don't judge me, so I have to drink hard liquor to get anywhere near there.

It wasn't until I figured out how to drink a beer in 3 seconds that I found out if you drink it super fast, you get really drunk off very few beers. You can make a six pack last 2 days if you're just looking for a slightly slurry buzz.

[–]tidder112 64 points65 points ago

Do you offer classes or lessons? I wish to learn more, o'wise one.

[–]balchynz 83 points84 points ago

Bendy Straw + bottle = inebriation

[–]mjolnir616 32 points33 points ago

Ahh, the old strawpedo, a genteel drinking manouveure if there ever was one

[–]balchynz 9 points10 points ago

Stupid relabeled videos! He is drinking vodka cruisers (pineapple flavour by the look of it)

Source: I too am kiwi and recognize both the accent and Jono from up north.

[–]whatevers_clever 12 points13 points ago

drink fast in short amount of time = get drunker faster

[–]tidder112 9 points10 points ago

Science!

[–]kittycuddler 11 points12 points ago

I just drink my beer in a glass. Can drink it as fast as you like. If I'm drinking beer though it's not to get drunk. Too fat for that unless my stomach is empty and I'm tired.

[–]hooj 7 points8 points ago

shotgunning beers

You can also drink the other way -- poke a hole, put your mouth over the normal opening, open the tab.

[–]FatBoiiFlexxx 20 points21 points ago

I used to do this all the time until my friend swallowed a shard of aluminum...

[–]my6300dollarsuit 4 points5 points ago

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bTmGQVkVUxo fairly simple idea, but takes a few times to get it right. Don't worry if you don't get it for a while.

[–]Captain_English 10 points11 points ago

Well, this is a healthy conversation.

[–]greasywiener 6 points7 points ago

I feel ya. At this point beer is just something to sip on until my next pull off the bottle.

[–]Pekkahontaz 162 points163 points ago

Some months ago when I was flying from Copenhagen I had this bottle of 10 year old cognac in my hand luggage. The security guys saw it on the x-ray and said I couldn't bring it onboard. Fortunately though, they laughed and said I could either waste it or drink it, and lo and behold! There was actually a bar table with stools next to the line! I sat there drinking my booze, chatting with the really cool security guys until they enlightened me that my gate was closing in five minutes. 

Even though I messed up a bit while boarding (went through the wrong door and ended up entering via cockpit), it was definately my best flying experience ever. Thank you for existing, danes! //Swede

[–]KEYBORED10 271 points272 points ago

You pilots are so funny.

[–]Qtard 22 points23 points ago

You fly boys, you crack me up.

FTFY

[–]AdonisChrist 32 points33 points ago

...

I feel like if I accidentally entered through the cockpit I'd be shot. Numerous times.

//American

[–]Jeff505 102 points103 points ago

She's nearly half way through, not bad!

[–]QuadraticProbe 80 points81 points ago

A full bottle of Smirnoff is like 25 or so standard drinks. The fact she has gone through 12.5 already is pretty bad, especially when you factor in age and sexuality gender sex.

I feel bad for her liver.

[–]snurtje52 104 points105 points ago

sexuality

What, can gay people not drink as much?

[–]MySuperLove 147 points148 points ago

Gay people can drink a LOT.

Source: I'm gay. We party.

[–]drgradus 17 points18 points ago

You have the best bars. Gay bars pour heavy. (Also, are great places to meet single women.)

[–]QuadraticProbe 23 points24 points ago

Shit, I meant gender.

[–]al0newestand 36 points37 points ago

Age and gender gender sex? You're the woman in the picture aren't you?

[–]QuadraticProbe 16 points17 points ago

Shit, the jig is up.

[–]thenameschris 42 points43 points ago

She looks like Celia Hodes from Weeds.

[–]camemond 575 points576 points ago

It's 5 o'clock somewhere

[–]USADV 398 points399 points ago

Ish fiv o'clok shomeware

[–]oSand 377 points378 points ago

Wow, Sean Connery is on reddit!

[–]BaboonTittyPincher 67 points68 points ago

Shuck it trebek.

[–]-DRUNK- 67 points68 points ago

Thaas not wodeye sound like.

[–]swiper33 92 points93 points ago

Go home, drunk. You're drunk.

[–]YaDamnSkippy 59 points60 points ago

Go home swiper, you're swiping

[–]Kazmarov 27 points28 points ago

In this case, Adelaide.

Given the drinking culture of Australia, this is an appropriate salute.

[–]LittleDancinMan 119 points120 points ago

The sad thing is I did this with Tequila coming back from Mexico. They were actually very amused with it there.

[–]thebendavis 51 points52 points ago

I hate tequila, I would never drink it when in a sober/rational state of mind. But I can always tell when I have done tequila shots when I burp the next morning. Just thinking about it...ugh.

[–]azaylea 57 points58 points ago

I describe the taste of tequila these days as "future vomit", 'cause that is all it is to me now.

[–]SuperAlloy 31 points32 points ago

Stay away from Cuervo and cheaper brands of tequila. Anything 100% agave is what your looking for, its worth the bit of extra money. I thought I hated tequila too until I stopped drinking Cuervo, stuff is gross.

[–]blex64 24 points25 points ago

This. Good tequila is excellent.

[–]kinggimped 8 points9 points ago

Good advice. Same goes for vodka. Having mainly drunk Smirnoff and cheaper brands in the UK, I always thought I hated vodka. I had so many bad nights and even worse mornings thanks to the stuff, I steered way clear of it. That is, until I went to Ukraine and tried their stuff.

Holy. Shit.

Not only is it smooth enough that you don't have to mix it with anything (in fact, they would laugh you out of the bar if you dared mix vodka with anything), but it's actually utterly delicious, and incredibly warming. And the best bit: no hangover. Oh, and it's dirt cheap, too.

You know that face most people make after you've downed a shot of vodka? Never with this stuff. Even my Ukrainian friend's homemade vodka was leagues better than anything else I'd ever had in England.

The Ukrainian way to drink is also completely different from the English way. In England the 'correct' way to drink vodka is just to keep downing the stuff until you're wasted, then find the nearest person with a differing opinion from yours in some utterly banal subject and smash the bottle in their face, rendering their argument void. In Ukraine, you toast (За твоё здоровье!) and have a shot of vodka every 5-10 minutes or so while you're eating, inbetween glasses of water. So after a 45 minute meal you're not only full, but you're nicely drunk. And since you've been eating and drinking water throughout, you're not off-your-face, argumentative, asshole drunk - you're happy, loved-up, comfortable, satisfied drunk. And it's bloody wonderful.

For those who want to try proper, decent vodka, try Nemiroff (my personal favourite is the honey and chili pepper flavour, but the original one is just fine, too). I imagine that some Russian/Ukrainian person is probably going to call me a clueless faggot for drinking that as opposed to x brand, but hey.

I have absolutely no fucking idea why Smirnoff seems to be the vodka of choice around the world. I asked my Ukrainian friends why it's so popular and they had no idea. You couldn't even get it where I was in Ukraine. I honestly believe that if everybody tried proper vodka once in their lives, they'd never touch Smirnoff ever again.

[–]AliAtes 4 points5 points ago

The sad thing is I used to do this every night, alone in my room.

[–]lalicat 109 points110 points ago

I flew out of Bahrain with 2 bottles of vodka in my carry on. I was heading to San Diego and had a 21 hour flight and planned on being smashed for all of it. There is almost no security on flights in the Middle East. I was taking tugs from it in plain view of the flight crew and they didn't care. One even offered me a free mixer. I landed in Kuwait for an hour and drank some more. The plane was flying to Amsterdam next I had already finished a bottle and got delayed in Amsterdam for a night so I was like fuck it, got smashed some more. Showed up piss drunk to the airport and had to go through security. I had the other bottle stored in my carry on and they scanned it and told me I couldn't take it on the plane. I was pissed so I decided to chug some of it. I was already hungover from the night before and I ended up spewing into the collection bin for all of the bottles. I said 'Guess that's enough' to the flabbergasted dutch guy and threw my bottle into the collection bin. They had security escort me to my gate and wait with me to make sure I didn't cause a scene, I was also expedited through security. I guess they couldn't wait for me to leave the country. I drunkenly talked to the security guard until my flight came, most likely making an ass out of myself. I told him I was Canadian though and not American - haha jokes on you Canada!

Unfortunately I made it to San Diego sober to see my family again after being away for an entire year. At least my wife was appreciative that they took the bottle from me in Amsterdam.

TL;DR I'm sure they knew I wasn't Canadian when I didn't apologize for puking in their collection bin.

[–]cadenceweapon 20 points21 points ago

I'm sorry but I think that you not having your red and white travelling toque was a giveaway. Also, the back of your "Polite Canadian Identification Card" has a handy table of metric-imperial conversions, foolproof poutine recipe and a hologram of the majestic moose microprinted with words to the Canadian anthem and the lyrics of Rush's chart album, "Moving Pictures"

Of course they probably didn't want to start a fight with an American, sorry to say it, and let you carry on with your charade. Very.... Canadian of them.

[–]originalusername2 6 points7 points ago

How do you spot an American in Europe?

They'll tell you they're from Canada.

[–]onlyincontext 84 points85 points ago

My roommates boyfriend is terrified of take-offs and landings. He solves this problem by being drunk while flying. He's perfectly timed his drinking such that he can be sober enough to make it through TSA and then drunk by take-off. He runs into problems with unexpected lines at TSA though.

[–]UrbanJesus 108 points109 points ago

When I first read that I thought he was a pilot.

[–]LivingSaladDays 113 points114 points ago

He is.

[–]pshetters 66 points67 points ago

That's why I always drink before I go to the airport. Makes bearing the TSA easier.

[–]overqooo 35 points36 points ago

Honestly, as long as I'm not the pilot, I try to be as drunk as is socially acceptable whenever I fly. It makes the whole thing more fun and makes it a helluva lot easier to fall asleep.

[–]Shonuff8 8 points9 points ago

I always drink before I go to the airport too! Makes being a TSA employee easier.

[–]redditsuxdicks 19 points20 points ago

I think it makes the groping more enjoyable.

[–]lordblonde 42 points43 points ago

I had to do the same with a bottle of Moet and Chandon champagne once. We ended up drinking it in the airport Burger King out of paper cups.

Edit: Pic. http://i.imgur.com/7mkMZ.jpg

[–]lamp37 266 points267 points ago

However you feel about the merits of the policy, shouldn't people know by now that you can't carry on liquids to an airplane? Especially that much?

[–]I_TYPE_IN_ALL_CAPS 537 points538 points ago

DRUNKEN PROTEST IS THE BEST KIND OF PROTEST.

[–]FlyingPasta 279 points280 points ago

"I dream of a time where people can get shitfaced at airports"

-MLK

[–]HasFuckedYourMom 68 points69 points ago

Pretty sure he was just quoting DaVinci.

[–]nixonrichard 161 points162 points ago

"Rub that shit it's yours, bitch. Grab his dick it's yours, bitch. Now turn around, bitch -- put that ass on a nigga. Grind on his dick. Make it get a lil bigger."

-Leonardo DaVinci

[–]hey_steve 50 points51 points ago

[–]whydididothisagain 44 points45 points ago

This is the only reason I know those lyrics.

[–]CUNT_DESTROYER_3000 22 points23 points ago

"'I dream of a time where people can get shitfaced at airports'

-MLK"

-Michael Scott

[–]Grimleawesome 29 points30 points ago

"'I dream of a time where people can get shitfaced at airports'

-MLK"

-Michael Scott

-CUNT_DESTROYER_3000

[–]Fleme 18 points19 points ago

I miss POLITE_ALL_CAPS_GUY.

[–]rapunz31 22 points23 points ago

She should have gotten a bunch of small 3 oz bottle and filled them all up Or... she could have waited to get fucked up at her destination.

[–]texpundit 18 points19 points ago

At her destination? That's why you have airport bars: to get fucked up before you get to your destination.

[–]Prownilo 15 points16 points ago

To me, watching her ingest it would indicate that at the very least it wasn't a high explosive.

[–]retiredliontamer 16 points17 points ago

to me, watching her ingest that would increasingly indicate SHE was becoming explosive. if she dies we could probably use her blood as bbq fluid...

[–]an800lbgorilla 25 points26 points ago

I once bought a bottle of vodka at a duty free shop after I had checked in my bags. The bags were checked through to my final destination, with a brief stop-over (Shanghai-SFO-JFK). At the stopover I had to re-enter customs, [US policy for connecting flights originating outside of the US] which meant I had to be re-checked by security. I had the bottle, but I had already checked my bags. that meant I couldn't bring it back through security.

Luckily an agent let me check a third bag (my carry-on). If I hadn't had that bag, I would have had to do the same thing this lady did.

[–]yellowstone10 41 points42 points ago

Want to hear the dumbest story ever related to leaving things in checked bags?

A few years back, there was a guy who booked a flight on Continental Airlines from point A to point B with a stop-over in Newark, New Jersey. He was a gun owner, and he had properly secured his firearm in his checked bag, which was checked all the way through to his final destination. However, his flight to Newark was seriously delayed, and they couldn't get him on a flight to point B until the next morning. So they gave the guy back his checked bag, and the guy went to a nearby hotel.

The next morning, the guy returns to Newark Airport to check in for his flight to point B, and to check his bag again. He tells them (as he is legally required to) about the gun in his checked bag... whereupon he is detained and arrested. New Jersey has some of the strictest gun laws in the nation, and it's illegal to possess a gun in New Jersey without a license issued by the state of New Jersey. By taking his bag with him to the hotel, the passenger took possession of his gun, thus breaking the law.

Fortunately, reason prevailed, and the charges were dropped. But not until the passenger had spent 10 days in jail before making bail, and the gun was not returned to him by the state for three years.

http://www.foxnews.com/politics/2011/01/18/traveling-mans-gun-arrest-appealed-supreme-court/

[–]sguitaradam 4 points5 points ago

You'd think that there would be some kind of policy in place to prevent this.

[–]plasker6 7 points8 points ago

Dang, they wanted to confiscate and use it for mixed drinks.

[–]SymbolTable 11 points12 points ago

I flew from SEA to SAN last night. When I got on the plane, I realized I had not one but TWO full water bottles and a couple mostly-empties in my backpack after some hiking over the weekend. No trouble in security. Oops!

[–]madeforinglip 6 points7 points ago

You're going to be getting some recruitment information from Al Qaeda before too long I bet.

[–]Cendeu 63 points64 points ago

I'm 18, and have never even been around an airplane before. This year was the first year I have ever been to an airport, and I didn't even see a plane. I just was there to pick up a friend.

I have no idea what is and isn't allowed in planes.

Now, that being said, the first time I get on a plane, I'm going to read every single thing there is to read about it. Taking something not allowed would make me so embarrassed.

[–]Quatroking 145 points146 points ago

Hint: They're kind of picky about bringing explosives onboard

[–]joemangle 48 points49 points ago

Can confirm. I once tried to take some explosives onboard plane, you would not believe the red tape... eventually they took the explosives from me and "confiscated them."

[–]Quatroking 20 points21 points ago

What a bunch of dicks, I bet they didn't even have proof that you were going to do anything malicious with the explosives

[–]joemangle 21 points22 points ago

Nope, they just had "suspicion." Apparently that's enough these days to take away our freedoms.

[–]DeeBoFour20 17 points18 points ago

At least they gave you internet in Guantanamo Bay.

[–]joemangle 25 points26 points ago

It's really not so bad here. The waterboardings can be strenuous at times, but the Wi-Fi is really reliable.

[–]peterkingsnuggets 4 points5 points ago

Oh yes, the access to WestLaw and LexisNexis is AMAZING, but it's sometimes difficult to get an actual hearing.

[–]Flapjack_ 86 points87 points ago

Make sure to bring a gun to protect yourself from potential hijackers

[–]babyjesusmauer 18 points19 points ago

Best advice ever

[–]peterkingsnuggets 6 points7 points ago

Also, because of how dry the air in the cabin can get, carmex or blistex is VERY useful for flying.

In fact, on some airlines, if you're the first person to announce, "I have a balm!" after takeoff, you get your mushroom raviolis served first!

[–]Midn1ghtwhisp3r 13 points14 points ago

I'm 18, and my brother went last year to afghanistan, as a result I was at the airport with him, holding his baby, and his wife in a hug when he told us all he'd be back soon, and then he was never leaving again, he then, a man who fought for our country, who came back with multiple injuries, and nightmares for months, had to take his underwear and other man-things and lay them out on a table for all the airport to see, because they didn't know for certain if a travel size of toothpaste he packed was "Correct size"

[–]BobSlaysPants 5 points6 points ago

Yes, sober people should know. Us drunks forget sometimes. Ok, often times. We might not know we are in the security line at the airport. Shit happens.
A quote from Breakfast Club. "Screws just fall out all the time, the world's an imperfect place."

[–]oSand 8 points9 points ago

Not when they're halfway through a bottle of vodka.

[–]YertleTheTurtle 24 points25 points ago

I have not drank a drop of alcohol in almost four years, but if I saw that woman in the airport handing out plugs of vodka I would be as tempted as I have ever been.

[–]Arquis001 10 points11 points ago

Maybe it's just me but reading through these comments I feel like there are far too many redditors willing to chug back clear alcoholic fluids handed out by a drunk irresponsible stranger at an airport.

Can see the headlines now: Massive Murder Suicide in TSA Line. Party Animals Get Poached.

[–]texpundit 5 points6 points ago

I've only got 7 months and yep...that's some temptation right there.

[–]Rand0mNZ 27 points28 points ago

Is it like this in other countries? In NZ and Australia we can take like 3 litres of liquor in glass bottles from duty free on-board with us. It's the best part of flying.

[–]Bob_Chiquita 27 points28 points ago

Duty free is different than bringing with you through security. You can still purchase stuff inside the airport after you pass security and take it on the plane with you.

[–]stdlib 5 points6 points ago

Relevant: LHR (London Heathrow) makes you go through security IN BETWEEN flights and will confiscate any liquids while they do so, so even if you bought in duty free before leaving and then arrive in LHR for a layover, you'd get your booze/shampoo/etc. confiscated. All the while they yell and herd you through security lines like sheep. Byfar the worst airport I've ever been to. F---- would not fly again.

[–]ibIamevodka 15 points16 points ago

In the U.S duty free shops are in the terminal after security. So while you can still buy it and take it on the plane you can't actually get alcohol through security unless its in a checked bag.

[–]gooneruk[!] 4 points5 points ago

Yep, same in the UK and Europe. You can buy booze after security, and they put it in sealed bags that you're not allowed to open until landing. Well, you may be able to open it on the plane, actually, I've never tried.

So, in theory you can rock up with one piece of hand luggage, as per the rules, but they'll let you board with another few bags of duty free. Kind of defeats the point of limited hand luggage, but c'est la vie.

[–]darlantan 70 points71 points ago

The USA has gone pants-on-head retarded since 9/11. We can't bring on anything larger than little 4oz bottles of anything. I imagine most other countries are much more sane.

Amusingly enough, 4oz bottles of vodka + free orange juice that is ubiquitous on US flights = instant screwdriver. It actually wouldn't be a terrible idea to do even if you aren't restricted by stupid laws.

[–]djkaty 56 points57 points ago

I'm really enjoying the term "pants-on-head retarded."

[–]meatblock 7 points8 points ago

It's appropriate as this woman is nearing "pants on head drunk".

[–]giddyup523 7 points8 points ago

The restrictions are really pretty much the same in New Zealand/Australia, and many other countries, less than 100 ml liquid per bottle through security, etc. OP confused where duty free shops are (past security). In the US we can take a bunch of liquid purchased at duty free shops, or anywhere past security, on the plane as well.

[–]But-ThenThatMeans 6 points7 points ago

"It's all right, drinking in airports, isn't it? It's one of those places where it's acceptable at any time of day, like a casino, or Cardiff." - John Duggan, The Thick of It.

[–]allysonwonderland 21 points22 points ago

This reminds me of when my boyfriend, his sister, and I were flying back from Vegas. We bought those big 42oz margaritas at Cabo Wabo about 1 1/2 hours before our flight left... My bf managed to finish his in the cab on the way to the airport, but his sister and I had about half of ours left when we checked our bags and got to security. The TSA guy immediately saw us, pulled us aside, and started questioning us about our flight, etc. He then told us, "well, we're not too busy, so you can stay here and finish your drinks. We'll give you a heads up when you are running out of time!" We proceeded to very drunkenly take our shoes off and sit down in the middle of the security line to finish our drinks (we'd been drinking all morning, cuz... Vegas). Dirty looks everywhere... but when we finished we got through security and boarded our planes just fine.

TL;DR: TSA at McCarran Intl. let us continue to get drunk, then board our plane. Best airport experience ever.

[–]Reformed_journalist 33 points34 points ago

How the hell do you get drunk drinking those big margaritas? They've got about a shot and a half of alcohol in them. You're more likely to go into a diabetic coma from all the sugar instead.

[–]ibIamevodka 15 points16 points ago

Go to a Fat Tuesday's in Vegas and get the ones with Everclear in them. And order 3 extra shots. Preferably within 30 minutes of waking up.

It's my go to Vegas hangover cure. Just get shitfaced again

[–]canitasteyourjuice 4 points5 points ago

Damnit mom. You could at least provide a chaser.

[–]Movie_Monster 4 points5 points ago

The Smirnoff handles I have seen everywhere are glass.

[–]woofiegrrl 5 points6 points ago

I've never seen a handle of Smirnoff that wasn't plastic. It is Smirnoff, after all.

[–]darlantan 4 points5 points ago

Maybe if they were doing something useful instead of hassling everyone so it looks like we're "tough on terrorism", it wouldn't be an issue. Instead, she'd be that "briefly obnoxious but quickly asleep and drooling lady in seat 34E".

Getting respectfully loaded while flying is fucking great. It makes the waiting infinitely more bearable, the flight more comfortable, and you sure as hell aren't going to be operating anything that'll endanger anyone else, so it's prime time to get your booze on. Unless you're an asshole when you're drunk, but honestly if that's the case you probably shouldn't drink with other people around in any circumstances.

Having said that, I'll be the first to say that that much booze in-hand is not a good sign, and she'd likely have been a dick anyway.

[–]ChAdLeYisRaDlEy 4 points5 points ago

But if she brings her own bottle they won't be able to charge her 20 dollars for a drink at the airport bar! Poor airports ... just tryin' ta make an honest livin'.

[–]Gumsho3Magoo 4 points5 points ago

This will probably be buried but the story fits here...

Summer of 2009 I went to Germany with a group of kids I knew from school. We flew out of Orlando International and picked up a bottle of Jager at the duty free to drink on the plane. Discovering the free/very cheap beer they were serving on the plane we quickly forgot about the jager.

Customs in the Frankfurt airport pulled the half empty bottle out and told us we couldn't bring it through. After asking what we should do with it, security shrugs and says "drink it?".

So that's what we do, taking turns in a line we begin chugging while the security guards all around us begin chanting "drink drink drink drink" the entire time. Eventually the head security came over to investigate and shut everything down, but by then the bottle had been finished and we went on our way, only now we were drunk.

[–]konydanza 9 points10 points ago

I'm pretty sure she's having a stroke.

[–]OlivieroVidal 11 points12 points ago

That's actually a great way to get everyone poisoned if that isn't just vodka. Great job TSA, shame on you, terrorists

[–]TheBestBigAl 6 points7 points ago

Plastic Handle?

[–]watermanjack 5 points6 points ago

They are made for alcoholics. Their shelf life is not meant to last. Nor the plastic handles.

[–]Ashmen 3 points4 points ago

TSA wanted to take home free booze.

[–]snoopdrj 4 points5 points ago

It seems that TSA is generally not amused by anything. I mostly think it is because they are a bunch of ignorant cunts.