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265
266

Meanwhile in North Canterbury (i.imgur.com)

submitted ago by QuadraticProbe

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[–]thejug02Argumentative 73 points74 points ago

I was all for marriage equality, but I hadn't even considered the duck dimension.

[–]thinkofthepandas 28 points29 points ago

I, for one, welcome our new Duck overlords.

[–]Raster_master 10 points11 points ago

This changes EVERYTHING!

[–]thejug02Argumentative 5 points6 points ago

How could I have been so blind!

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points ago

What happens when I fuck a duck?

[–]yacob_uk 6 points7 points ago

The ducks will get you in the end after all.

[–]thejug02Argumentative -1 points0 points ago

Isn't that how you get cured from being gay?

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points ago

Ask your dad.

[–]Phillycloned 31 points32 points ago

I'm I'm Rangiora and I got chased by a couple of ducks a few days ago so I think this kids on to something

[–]GrumpySimonlurking 41 points42 points ago

You're Rangiora? My Aunt used to live in you.

[–]dyl666Hardened Criminal 10 points11 points ago

I spent a couple of weeks in him too, I doubt he remembers though this was back in like '98 or '99

[–]sol1869 2 points3 points ago

I used to live in Phillycloned. I got stung on the foot by a bee there! early 1970s

[–]Phillycloned 4 points5 points ago

Glad you got out of me, I may be the most boring town in New Zealand. Except picton, I really hate picton

[–]sol1869 1 point2 points ago

it's a great place to pass through on a holiday on the sounds though

[–]angry_automaton 5 points6 points ago

Christchurch here. I can confirm the uprising of the ducks (UOTD) has begun in Canterbury.

[–]GrumpySimonlurking 46 points47 points ago

Ducks, of course, are well known for their tendencies for homosexual necrophiliac rape.

[–]yojohny 14 points15 points ago

Well ducks are currently the dominant species in North Canterbury. Only a matter of time till they spread.

[–]fraustnaut 2 points3 points ago

also, they could be hunting rabbits so much to stem the imminent uprising

[–]kgdl 5 points6 points ago

This would be a fantastic response to the letter...

[–]Saan 10 points11 points ago

It wouldn't actually, you would be attacking a straw man not the argument. Ducks are presented as an example, not an end point.

It would however be funny as balls.

[–]GrumpySimonlurking 2 points3 points ago

Yes, and that homosexual couplings are really common amongst birds.

[–]anonymoustroll 2 points3 points ago

See, New Zealand, this is what happens when you have metered Internet...

[–]balchynzKing of Chlamydia 81 points82 points ago

She should petition directly to Trevor Mallard.

[–]NZ_yeah_baby 39 points40 points ago

Wouldn't want to ruffle his feathers. That would be foul play and besides, it would have paltry effect - he isn't in a position to introduce a bill.

[–]LordDavethe7thPower level: 8999 7 points8 points ago

applause

[–]flesh_sword 1 point2 points ago

M M M MONSTERKILL

[–]haakuturi 3 points4 points ago

I see what you did there.

[–]sehrah 42 points43 points ago

I really hope everyone gets that this kid is a genius, and not serious.

Seriously, that's one excellent letter. At first I was all MAN THE PITCHFORKS, SAY SOMETHING ABOUT EDUCATION.

And then I was all WELL PLAYED, KID.

[–]kgdl 18 points19 points ago

...googling her name (or first name/town) gives an young individual who has a) had an award for 6 years of bible study, and b) is a signatory on the Protect Marriage petition.

Amazingly (and somewhat terrifyingly), I really think it's not a troll.

[–]anonymoustroll 6 points7 points ago

That's so terribly sad. Especially considering how she slaughtered the concept of evolution. I was truly hoping for satire/creative troling.

[–]prostidude 2 points3 points ago

How do we know the writer is actually her though? And not someone pretending to be her? What if they chose to use her name as a means to engage the local Christian readers? It just seems much too satirical to be serious.

[–]kgdl 2 points3 points ago

We don't. But she's so fantastically obscure, it's either a huge coincidence (or the writer knows her personally) - or, most likely, she actually wrote it.

There are only four hits on her full name on google within New Zealand - one from the local newspaper after she won an award for her miniature garden, two from what looks like a kid's bible study magazine, and the Protect Marriage petition.

The likelihood of someone picking out her name at random seems quite unlikely.

[–]prostidude 0 points1 point ago

It is a bit of a stretch (and this is likely cognitive dissonance working here) so it is very likely it was herself. I'm not talking about someone picking out her name at random though, I'm suggesting it may be someone who knows who she is.

[–]kgdl 1 point2 points ago

Sure, that's within the realms of possibility. However, consider her circle of friends (and even acquaintances) - a (presumably) fundamentalist Christian home-schooled 14-year-old is hardly going to know many people outside her relgious/social circle.

[–]Sh0stakovich 10 points11 points ago

The Animal Farm reference gave it away.

[–]sehrah 4 points5 points ago

I'm not cool enough to have read Animal Farm yet.

It's on my kindle app, and it sits there, neglected, condescension written all over it's tiny cover picture, as I read far trashier books instead.

[–]Sh0stakovich 1 point2 points ago

Some New Zealand theatre company is sure to put it on soon. After which you'll be able to understand and make references, feel like an academic and have only invested a couple of hours of your time. It is something that I too should read, though.

[–]sehrah 1 point2 points ago

Yeah I'm totally waiting for the movie to come out.

Except I have this vague idea it's about animals getting slaughtered, which sounds like a pretty terrifying film.

[–]nuttychooky 3 points4 points ago

Pretty sure there is a movie, I recall watching it in english class. It changed the ending though because it was made as american propaganda.

[–]Sh0stakovich 1 point2 points ago

If they do a good job then it's sure to be a bit horrifying!

[–]superiority 0 points1 point ago

No religious fundamentalist homeschooler would ever give their child a well-known anti-Communist tract to read. The very idea beggars belief. It is therefore impossible that this girl has simply read Animal Farm and is deliberately referencing it.

[–]kgdl 2 points3 points ago

Her mother (Lennie, with a bit of creative googling) is described on [this website](hef.org.nz) as:

...a homeschooling mother of four from Canterbury. She has been officially home schooling since 1989. She has extensive experience in helping and advising parents in all areas of home education for many years while volunteering for Canterbury Home Educators Inc., serving on the NCHENZ committee, and designing and delivering workshops, seminars and international speaking engagements.

Most of the content on this website has a Christian slant on it. Animal Farm can be found on this recommended reading list on the same website. Circumstantial evidence at best, but it's not impossible (and probably more than likely) that she has read and is referencing Orwell.

[–]Sh0stakovich 0 points1 point ago

This sounds like sarcasm. You're correct, a young girl could certainly have read Animal Farm and still have a weird fundamentalist ideology. Perhaps I should not have automatically assumed that a knowledge of this sort of literature would correlate with intelligence or real education.

Edit: Now, I'll be getting back to [this](www.youtube.com/watch?v=raMaxA7hsCs) if you don't mind.

[–]tuneznz 3 points4 points ago

Should have signed it Jasmin H. Poe

[–]huntersd 38 points39 points ago

For those doubting, this is clearly a troll.

"Ducks more equal than us" is straight out of Animal Farm (the pigs), as is half the premise of the piece. The chances that a genuinely brainwashed child stumbled into something that resembles one of the greatest satirical novels of all time are vanishingly small.

It's probably written by a young adult male Redditor with nothing better to do with his time.

[–]paulfknwalsh 14 points15 points ago

oh snap, crackle and pop. good spotting, and i ain't talking about knives on the stove.

[–]IAmAGecko 3 points4 points ago

If you google the authors name, they have a history of bible studies and religious awards. Sadly, no troll.

[–]prostidude 1 point2 points ago

What if... Her trolling knows no bounds, and her life is a ruse?

[–]sol1869 0 points1 point ago

Rubbish! Any smart literate 12-14 yo kid reading it would be at least blown away enough to write that letter....

[–]superiority 1 point2 points ago

The chances that a genuinely brainwashed child stumbled into something that resembles one of the greatest satirical novels of all time are vanishingly small.

Did it occur to you that she might have deliberately referenced the book?

[–]huntersd 0 points1 point ago

Of course, but 14 year old brainwashed religious nuts are not reading Animal Farm. It's possible, but strains credulity.

[–]superiority 0 points1 point ago

Yeah, why would 14-year-old brainwashed religious nuts read a book that's enormously popular among adult brainwashed religious nuts.

[–]huntersd 0 points1 point ago

...citation needed? I grew up in three churches and I couldn't picture anyone I ever met there owning a copy. You could be right, though.

[–]EhranGlenn Beck 41 points42 points ago

She is a homeschooled 14yr old. She has a bright future pushing out babies.

[–]QuadraticProbe[S] 28 points29 points ago

Shit, this is North Canterbury, you're having a kid by 18 whether you're home schooled or not.

[–]Sing_Me_To_Sleep 5 points6 points ago

Canterbury? Check. Female? Check. Recently turned 18? Check. Baby? Nope. In the near future? Nope.

Please tell me, what am I doing wrong?!

[–]WiddershinyOblivion 1 point2 points ago

North Canterbury?

[–]Sing_Me_To_Sleep 2 points3 points ago

Oh. No, Christchurch.

[–]vontysk 16 points17 points ago

Reading, then.

[–]QuadraticProbe[S] 1 point2 points ago

You haven't met me yet? Oh I could change all that.

[–]Sing_Me_To_Sleep 2 points3 points ago

This would be super creepy if you were in your 30's or older...

[–]QuadraticProbe[S] 5 points6 points ago

Yeah I'm 23 and felt creepy saying that.

[–]Sing_Me_To_Sleep 0 points1 point ago

That's not too bad then. I'm just getting out of my first relationship with someone my age[I usually like people at very least 2 years older than me], and realising why I prefer older guys, so, I guess it's not too creepy, I've seen bigger age gaps o_o

[–]NZ_yeah_baby 4 points5 points ago

Sigh...nowkiss.jpg

[–]Sing_Me_To_Sleep 1 point2 points ago

?

[–]QuadraticProbe[S] 2 points3 points ago

True, depends on whether you follow the Standard Creepiness Rule.

[–]Sing_Me_To_Sleep 1 point2 points ago

Ah, but that means you're one year out of my... dateable age range. What a pitty, I've been looking for a rebound... If that isn't... too.. awkward...

[–]hugies 8 points9 points ago

God guys, PM!

[–]QuadraticProbe[S] 3 points4 points ago

ha. just a little.

Anyways, chances are, if you've bought alcohol in Rangiora, you've probably met my fat ass.

[–]ChipChase 1 point2 points ago

Overweight?

[–]Sing_Me_To_Sleep 0 points1 point ago

172cm, 69kgs. Is that overweight?

[–]Kyaknight 0 points1 point ago

To be fair, you're probably doing everything right by the rest of the world's standards. Except Hamilton. If you really wanted to succeed I guess you have ~15 months to get something worked out to fit into the 'kid under 20' category that just seems to be gaining a decent amount of popularity.

[–]AlumiuN 0 points1 point ago

It's North Canterbury. So it's especially likely to happen if you're home schooled.

[–]abbAtheist 2 points3 points ago

She is clearly trolling. If not she has pulled off a masterpiece.

[–]hedsnz 8 points9 points ago

Yeah surely that's just a well-written trollpiece.

[–]Picknipsky -1 points0 points ago

well-written?

[–]BrokeThatFountainSensationalist Swine 3 points4 points ago

Very much so.

[–]hedsnz 0 points1 point ago

Well-executed, I should say.

[–]mattyramus 5 points6 points ago

WOOOO HOMESCHOOL!

[–]paulfknwalsh 12 points13 points ago

exhibit #219 on why I refuse to homeschool my children.

edit: i'm giving them the benefit of the doubt and assuming they are actually joking, too, but this doesn't change my mind on the issue. (because you also develop a better sense of humour at public schools.)

disco edit: fuck all that, this is some top shelf trolling.

[–]Kautkto 2 points3 points ago

Some of the more intelligent people I know were home schooled, but their parents have excellent teaching abilities.

I was home schooled myself up until I was 15. Although I would say my sense of humour is somewhat warped I believe it's worked out for the best.

[–]ratguy 0 points1 point ago

I'm not so sure. If she is joking, I'd say her sense of humour is already pretty damn good.

[–]bryntheskits 0 points1 point ago

Fine trolling, read Animal Farm

[–]paulfknwalsh 0 points1 point ago

yeah, i just saw the other comment about it... I have read it, a few times even, but that was years ago. I've read nearly everything else Orwell wrote, though, and have even visited his home in Southwold, so i'm a bit annoyed i missed the reference!

[–]MiserableOldBastard 0 points1 point ago

So which is your favourite of his novels?

I like Burmese Days myself.

[–]paulfknwalsh 0 points1 point ago

'Down & Out in Paris and London'. Probably because I spent time in London living in the shittiest house imaginable, washing dishes and holding a sign on a street corner. 'Keep the Aspidistra Flying' is a close second. And having just visited his wiki to remind myself how to spell 'Aspidistra', I've been reminded that I haven't yet read 'Coming Up for Air', so thanks for that. Off to the library website I go...

[–]MiserableOldBastard 0 points1 point ago

Yeah, I remember enjoying 'Keep the Aspidistra Flying' about 25 years ago - I might dig that out and have another read.

Can't say I was much taken by 'Down and Out...', a bit more autobiographical than his others, though in my dotage I could be imagining that, maybe it was 'The Road To Wigan Pier'.

[–]paulfknwalsh 0 points1 point ago

Oh yeah, it's a hugely romanticised vision of working class life. It reminds me of that thing where a bunch of journalists and minor celebs sleep in the streets for a night then complain about it for days. Still, I'm a sucker for that kind of sentimental bollocks. because I'm in touch with my motherfucking feelings and shit.

[–]MiserableOldBastard 0 points1 point ago

Got me wonderin' whether I read 'Coming Up for Air' or not now.

And I hope you partook of a few Adnams Southwold Ales whilst visiting his home.

[–]kgdl 4 points5 points ago

Googling her name (or name/town) gives a young individual of the appropriate age, who has a) received recognition of 6 years of bible study in the May 2011 edition of "Bible Discovery"; and b) has signed the "Protect Marriage" petition.

I'm amazed and slightly terrified, but I think this is legitimate homeschooled indoctrination, and not a masterful troll (unless they've gone to a -lot- of trouble to use a fairly obscure individual's identity).

[–]ChupeeJune 6 points7 points ago

The fuck did I just read?!

[–]justadude23 2 points3 points ago

It's called "trolling".

While it's not a teenage home-schooled kid, male or female, it is mildly amusing.

[–]mbelf 3 points4 points ago

It's quite likely it was written by someone male or female.

[–]whetu 2 points3 points ago

Hoping that kid's trolling, either way, I get the Upper Hutt Leader (although I don't technically live in Upper Hutt) and for reasons unknown to me I keep looking at the letters section. For the last few months there have been letters just like this.

[–]QuadraticProbe[S] 1 point2 points ago

Glad to see we're not the only ones getting these letters.

[–]see_phez 2 points3 points ago

She's right! Duck, duck (Telling you dick friend to duck, in a homie accent)

[–]chillnzSpicy 2 points3 points ago

Well written troll. So ironic it's brilliant.

[–]morningr 0 points1 point ago

Troll alert.

[–]sol1869 0 points1 point ago

That is freaking genius. Pass.

[–]Tek7 1 point2 points ago

"Homeschooled", is the key word here

[–]misterschmoo 0 points1 point ago

Sinister Ducks

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cFK2Xq2RyiU

[–]findme_06 0 points1 point ago

All the earthquacks must of gotten to her.

[–]findme_06 0 points1 point ago

sorry, I'll let myself out

[–]findme_06 0 points1 point ago

done

[–]anonymoustroll 0 points1 point ago

If satire, at age 14, then homeschooled = win; else fail.

[–]Asriel_13 0 points1 point ago

I can honestly say that I've never quite thought about it this way before...

[–]guiseblinder 0 points1 point ago

That is hilarious.

[–]mishmish49 0 points1 point ago

This sort of makes me embarrassed to be from North Canterbury. Oh that's right I'm already embarrassed to be from North Canterbury

[–]waldonuts 0 points1 point ago

great morning read, love his arguments

[–]gotdelirium -2 points-1 points ago

How this makes me feel

[–]NoobuchadnezaR 0 points1 point ago

You should post this to r/atheism

They'd love it

[–]QuadraticProbe[S] 0 points1 point ago

Ha, I wasn't sure on whether to or not. Feel free to do so.

[–]NoobuchadnezaR 1 point2 points ago

Someone did, dat karma

[–]QuadraticProbe[S] 0 points1 point ago

Damn, Oh well.

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