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top 200 commentsshow 500

[–]CommonWaveSounds 1027 points1028 points ago

and they still charged you for 2 carry-ons

[–]richandwhite 415 points416 points ago

They probably made him sit in his seat in coach as well.

[–]rmehranfar 259 points260 points ago

They're only following the rules, also they have to come up with some way to recoup the cost of assigning private jets to each of their passengers.

[–]fadedseaside 723 points724 points ago

I had the fortune of flying cross country on January 1, 2000. Maybe 4 people on the plane at best. People were afraid of Y2K! (Remember that bullshit?)

[–]Spread_Liberally 439 points440 points ago

I remember fondly.

I have never made so much money for so little work...

"But what if our phone system, network and printers go down?".

"I'll make sure that won't happen."

Cha-Ching! Rinse, repeat. I just did the rounds at a few business parks. I'm still a little baffled about everyone's seemingly monumental concern for their printers going down.

[–]online222222 785 points786 points ago

low and behold their printers go down anyway cuz they're fucking printers

[–]Kuonji 305 points306 points ago

PC Load Letter?...what the fuck does that mean?

[–]mavriksfan11 14 points15 points ago

*lo and behold

It's not low like down there, it's lo like Lo!

[–]AcousticBoogaloo 1543 points1544 points ago

Sir, I'm going to need you to go ahead and turn off your phone.

[–]shelldog 1624 points1625 points ago

Sir, I just saw your post on Reddit. I thought I told you to turn off your fucking phone?!

[–]rameninside 646 points647 points ago

Well how the fuck did he see that post without being his phone then? Hippocrites!

[–]OhJustNothing 1123 points1124 points ago

Hippocrates had nothing to do with this. Leave him out of it.

Edit: In my search to make fun of stupid, I did a stupid.

[–]MananWho 294 points295 points ago

Hippocrates did nothing wrong!

[–]thundershaft 173 points174 points ago

Bill Stickers is innocent!

[–]SkyPeople 253 points254 points ago

A wild hippo appears.

>Fight

Hippo Crits! It's super effective!

rameninside has fainted!

Red has whited out!

[–]SphericalOrbit 1779 points1780 points ago

I'm sure the First Officer filled out the most exact Weight and Balance form of his career. Passenger: 1

[–]GAU8Avenger 810 points811 points ago

Can't put him too far back, or it'll be out of CG

[–]SphericalOrbit 826 points827 points ago

Hahahah

I bet the captain had the fastest climb of his life too, if he wasn't ex-military

[–]BsFan 1129 points1130 points ago

My old roommate is a private pilot. He told me most accidents in the private space are when moving an empty plane, because the pilots get to fuck around and do crazy climbs.

edit: it is obviously not 'most' accidents, but that this does happen.

[–]ThePoonHunter 1201 points1202 points ago

OP's friend is dead.

[–]BsFan 513 points514 points ago

Most likely outcome. Pilot was playing "Creeping Death" by Metallica on takeoff.

[–]Wonderloaf 220 points221 points ago

He RULES the midnight air.

[–]ckwop 253 points254 points ago

It's not so much the climbs but the load factor. It sounds a bit backwards at first but the less weight you're carrying the more G-loading you can put on an aircraft.

This is because at a constant angle of attack at a constant airspeed the lift force is fixed. If that same force accelerates a large mass, the G-loading is proportionally less than that same force accelerating a small mass. This is because acceleration = force / mass.

As such, in a light plane you can actually cause a structural failure of the aircraft more easily than in a loaded one.

Source: me - low hours student pilot.

[–]Kaosuonline 594 points595 points ago

Could you repeat the part where you explain the things??

[–]ridethecliche 89 points90 points ago

I would love to be on the plane just for that reason alone.

[–]OrangeRiver 173 points174 points ago

I suggest flying any airline owned by the Chinese state and hoping for a delay. I guess being late is a bigger deal than saving fuel, so they'll put the hammer down to make time up. I was flying Hong Kong to Beijing and had a 35 minute delay due some radar bug. The minute the wheels lifted it felt like the pilot put the nose straight up and floored it. I've never climbed so fast or heard that tone from the engines in my life again.

The pilot made the time up and landed early. Best plane ride ever, although a couple people looked pretty queasy.

[–]ridethecliche 69 points70 points ago

That would be awesome to be in. I love looking around at people that are all worried when a pilot does something that's not on a usual flight.

But to see what a empty plane can do, that would just be fun!

[–]Afa1234 479 points480 points ago

Plot twist he told him 160 pounds, he's actually 158.5 pounds

[–]wat_is_a_reddit 229 points230 points ago

As someone who works with aviators, I love this whole thread.

[–]oh_WHAT 660 points661 points ago

As someone who once wore aviators, I agree.

[–]Curdflappers 126 points127 points ago

Still would've most likely been the most accurate ever.

[–]trevdak2 623 points624 points ago

Watch out for the langoliers!

[–]Se7en_speed 176 points177 points ago

that scared the crap out of me when I was a kid

[–]vinetari 14 points15 points ago

I have an Important Business MEETING IN BOSTON AT NINE O'CLOCK!

[–]jimbojones230 2147 points2148 points ago

They'll probably still run out of meals before they serve you.

[–]dolphin_phun 1064 points1065 points ago

"Chicken or Beef?" "ALL OF THE CHICKEN, ALL OF THE BEEF."

[–]BarbieJacker 435 points436 points ago

I mean all the eggs and bacon

[–]aringoswami 378 points379 points ago

You may have thought you heard me say I wanted a lot of bacon and eggs, but what I said was: Give me all the bacon and eggs you have.

[–]ANBU_Spectre 103 points104 points ago

"Do you understand?"

nods

clenches fist in satisfaction

[–]LordEdward 452 points453 points ago

"Chicken or beef?"

"Chicken or beef?"

"Chicken or beef?"

"Excuse me, what is the vegetarian option?"

"...Chicken."

[–]stumpgod 301 points302 points ago

Cows and chickens are both vegatarians.

Edit: ok cows are vegetarians, and chickens are goats with feathers.

[–]HittingSmoke 170 points171 points ago

If I only buy grass fed beef, I'm vicariously a vegetarian?

[–]Tranzlater 43 points44 points ago

Surely that's a good thing?

[–]emg82 144 points145 points ago

It is a good thing. And don't call my Shirley

[–]Chernab0g 28 points29 points ago

Give me ham on 5, hold the mayo

[–]Apostolate 1120 points1121 points ago

"Your menu says salmon here?"

"Sorry we just have the chicken now..."

"I bet you never had any salmon to begin with."

[–]HelpfulToAll 987 points988 points ago

Would you really want to eat airplane salmon?

[–]bigsz 884 points885 points ago

Exactly. What's the deal with airplane salmon?

[–]Spread_Liberally 235 points236 points ago

Airplane Salmon?

I'm picturing Pocket Whale's embarrassingly drunk uncle.

[–]c1namber 1884 points1885 points ago

Same type thing happened to my girlfriend and I back in '02. The plane was delayed moments before boarding. Everyone else scramble to get on the next flight leaving in a few minutes. We waited it out and the flight continued within the hour.

Suddenly first class private jet.

[–]bigsz 1897 points1898 points ago

Easiest Mile High Club membership ever.

[–]Two_Oceans_Eleven 2281 points2282 points ago

"This is your captain speaking. Nice dick bro."

[–]Irish-Carbomb 1508 points1509 points ago

"Would you like a beverage with your sex, sir?"

[–]MrConfucius 360 points361 points ago

"If you need a co-pilot for your flight to the Mile High Club, I'd gladly help."

[–]Two_Oceans_Eleven 313 points314 points ago

"Stop touching my ass, captain. We're falling."

[–]Khoops66 242 points243 points ago

That'd be an awesome porno.

[–]painkilller 243 points244 points ago

Now you're thinking with pornos.

[–]angertrain 236 points237 points ago

I had this happen back in 07, just me and my buddy on a 737 Kelowna to Vancouver.

That was just how they had it booked though.

Spent the flight chilling with the stewardesses having a beer at the back of the plane. Good ole Westjet.

[–]whitefoot 34 points35 points ago

At the back of the plane? Could you not just go up to first class at that point?

[–]angertrain 63 points64 points ago

Westjet only has one class. Looks a lot like OP's picture actually, except they're all late model 737s with 3x3 seating.

[–]phorkor 411 points412 points ago

I flew from LA to Houston like that. Flight was delayed, everyone got on other flights where I was in no rush so I just waited it out. As the flight starts boarding, the person at the gate says, "Welcome priviledged passenger, you are our ONLY passenger. Lets bail!". Ended up shooting the shit with the attendants and hearing their funny horror stories about pain in the ass passengers while the pilot told super cheesy jokes over the PA and I threw back bloody mary's. Ended up becoming friends with one of the attendants and still talk to her on occasion (too bad she was married damnit).

[–]Hayman68 379 points380 points ago

Flight-zoned

[–]drgradus 187 points188 points ago

No-fly zone

[–]anymooseposter 14 points15 points ago

Danger zone!

[–]qpid 186 points187 points ago

was married

wink, wink say no more

[–]protell 212 points213 points ago

told this story once before, but its funny so...

the last time i flew i had a layover in chicago while flying from philly to phoenix. there was a tornado or something in chicago so they decided to fly straight from philly to phoenix, so all the people who were going to chicago had to be rerouted. this ended up being everyone but me and the flight crew. they told me i could come sit up in first class, and the pilot made all his announcement directly to me like "we are arriving in phoenix protell, and the temperature is 90 and sunny". it was pretty cool.

http://i.imgur.com/6GoTB.jpg

my flight attendants name was 'bella', and she told me "just let me know whenever you need anything". she sat in the seat across from me and we talked much of the flight. since i was sitting in first class she said i was allowed all the perks of first class which included free alcoholic drinks and meals etc. it was kind of awkward when i did want a drink, i was sitting talking to this nice girl then, "hey bella, could you get me another piña colada?" but she said she didn't mind at all since it was supposed to be a full flight and she would have been waiting on 20 people instead of just me.

[–]dubbya 111 points112 points ago

You should have told her that you shake a mean martini and proceeded to make her one. It's gin, vermouth, and ice. It's literally idiot proof and a good chance to further the conversation with a lovely gin-swilling lady.

[–]itslate_letsgo 92 points93 points ago

Well aren't you the suave motherfucker...

[–]dubbya 12 points13 points ago

I have been called that once or twice before, yes.

[–]ImTheGuyWhoLoveGems 117 points118 points ago

Did you have crazy sex in the jet?

[–]danhauk 67 points68 points ago

"I'll head to the bathroom. You wait 3 minutes before going so it doesn't look too suspicious."

[–]lynn 41 points42 points ago

I would totally ask the flight attendants to give us some time alone in first class. Oh, and a couple of towels, please.

[–]Kentravyon 2699 points2700 points ago

And on Flight AA784, the last things recorded words on the black box were "Are you ready to fucking fly!?"

[–]Roboticide 2195 points2196 points ago

Followed later by recordings showing that they seemed to have attempted a barrel roll...

[–]Capitol62 1220 points1221 points ago

[–]nealski77 711 points712 points ago

The world needs more Tex Johnson's.

[–]fazzah 346 points347 points ago

"It was fine."

Amazing.

[–]pedro019283 55 points56 points ago

Mr. Allen asked me what I thought I was doing and I said "I was selling airplanes."

That entire statement is win.

[–]DukeSpraynard 407 points408 points ago

And his cousin Cave.

[–]scoops22 116 points117 points ago

Oh Don Piano

[–]Bentlao 17 points18 points ago

The way he shez his 'S'ez is ashtounding.

[–]longshot 87 points88 points ago

Is that the guy who could roll a plane such that the passengers couldn't tell? I think he proved this by having his co-pilot continue pouring a cup of coffee without adjusting the angle of pour during the roll.

[–]gekk00 243 points244 points ago

[–]corinmcblide 49 points50 points ago

The difficult thing was trying to pour it backhanded so the camera could see it.

[–]PengwinsShudFlai 41 points42 points ago

The one person that disliked that youtube video is surely fucking with me.

[–]da1hobo 31 points32 points ago

"Dear Diary, today I have beaten physics. Tomorrow, the world."

[–]backgroundmusik 102 points103 points ago

Was I the only one who thought this guy sounded just like James Steward?

[–]yerfatma 177 points178 points ago

Can't tell if typo or incredibly subtle airline attendant pun.

[–]fireduck 229 points230 points ago

A friend of mine who is an aerospace engineer says that most modern airlines could complete a barrel roll just fine (the airframe can certainly take it) however they are too stable for the control surfaces to actually get the damn thing to do it.

[–]hey_its_katie 482 points483 points ago

I have to say, I am perfectly okay with the planes I fly on being too stable to barrel roll.

[–]rimo 256 points257 points ago

But what if a terrorist has set up a solid obstacle mid-air with just a vertical slot in it you can fly through?

[–]ObviouslyIntoxicated 332 points333 points ago

So... 9/11 was really terrorists attempting to barrel roll between the towers?

[–]jedadkins 525 points526 points ago

“Don’t be a pussy Akmed it will be awesome”

[–]boximus 216 points217 points ago

"Okay, Saeed, Akmed didn't make it. You give it a try."

[–]imhereforthevotes 143 points144 points ago

"All right, Khalid. You've got one try to make it through the pentagon.

Wait it's on it's fucking side?"

[–]elnrith 27 points28 points ago

I laughed

Am I going to hell?

[–]TheSocialSolipsist 28 points29 points ago

I should not laugh, but that is incredibly funny.

[–]imhereforthevotes 48 points49 points ago

No, no, you should laugh. Otherwise the terrorist will have won.

[–]gbimmer 249 points250 points ago

I'd love to see the inspectors decipher that one...

[–]OmegaArcadia 169 points170 points ago

Mile High Club.

[–]SquirrelyNutkins 154 points155 points ago

Solo division... still counts.

[–]lepry[S] 269 points270 points ago

OP here. Just talked to my solo-flying friend. It's definitely TRUE. He's not a redditor, but knows of the site. He's going to check out the comments when he can get to a computer. He said the steward offered to play music...the captain requested Metallica, and they held a cell-phone up to the PA to play it in the plane. Also, for those asking about the first-class upgrade: There was no first class seating.

[–]manofsteele21 712 points713 points ago

Could you imagine how boring the tv show Lost would have been if the flight was like this?

[–]gloomba 895 points896 points ago

they could just get tom hanks

[–]Tacos4ever100 654 points655 points ago

Or Alexander Rhodes. Edit: My most upvoted comment is only three words...

[–]jberth 273 points274 points ago

Suspicious Passenger

[–]Forhavu 36 points37 points ago

In this epic movie, Alexander Rhodes plays a suspicious passenger who notices his plane is devoid of any other passengers. As his suspicion grows, he learns to find that the pilot is now carelessly flying the plane.

-SPOOLERS BELOW-

He never learns the secret of the lack of other passengers before the airplane crashes an he is instantly killed.

This is...

"I WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO RHODE"

In theaters now.

[–]superview 196 points197 points ago

I used to work for an airline, and this sort of happened when i was there. An early morning flight delayed an obscene amount of time, making connections impossible to meet. A women had checked in for a later flight we had extremely early, and when the plane was fixed, we asked if she wanted to take it, and she was the only one on the plane. The plane was an Embraer 140, that holds 44 people.

[–]NameNick 795 points796 points ago

I would never fly with another airline again.

[–]inshallah13 298 points299 points ago

I once flew Christmas Day on a pretty much brand new Emirates A380 from New York to Dubai with about 20 people on board. We all got bumped to First/ Business class. It was the best 15 hours of transport I've ever experienced. The return flight (and every flight since then) back in economy sucked balls.

[–]bretttwarwick 281 points282 points ago

I went to Disney world 5 days after 9/11 happened. The parks had hardly anybody in them and we didn't wait in line for a single ride the whole week there. I will be very disappointed if I ever go back.

Edit: as a side note to this story... We live in Texas and weren't sure if we would be able to fly to Disney World so as an alternate plan we were going to drive down to South Padre Island. The day we made that plan a tugboat ran into the only bridge onto the island and they had to close the only road on or off the island until it got fixed.

[–]C_IsForCookie 149 points150 points ago

Fuck. I live in Florida. Why didn't I think of doing this?

[–]TehWut 491 points492 points ago

reddit logic

9/11 happened, why not theme parks?

[–]Woftles 112 points113 points ago

Next time something catastrophic happens I'm going to party while everyone is busy being downers at home.

[–]Phelot 1023 points1024 points ago

That would definitely be the case if the plane crashed.

[–]NickDerpkins 524 points525 points ago

"A commercial airliner crashed over Kansas today. Sadly the passenger did not make it"

[–]dontkeepscore 113 points114 points ago

Death is just shaking his head cause this is going to be the longest Final Destination movie ever...

[–]Banannylle 15 points16 points ago

Sadly the passenger did not make it

• Flight gets delayed
• Only one passenger is informed about new time for departure
• Plane crashes and the only passenger dies

Damn, imagine the conspiracy theories surrounding that one.

[–]Discostuuuu 359 points360 points ago

Spoiler: They still lose his/her luggage

[–]Bruins08 871 points872 points ago

Joey, do you like movies about Gladiators?

[–]redthunda69 550 points551 points ago

You ever seen a grown man naked?

[–]imRegistering2 308 points309 points ago

You ever hang around the gymnasium?

[–]redthunda69 314 points315 points ago

You ever been to a Turkish prison?

[–]bigsz 162 points163 points ago

I know you! You're Kareem Abdul-Jabbar!

[–]grensley 93 points94 points ago

No, I'm not.

[–]peasant_levies 108 points109 points ago

I think you're the greatest, but my dad says you don't work hard enough on defense.

[–]Jmac0585 141 points142 points ago

The hell I don't! Listen Kid, I've been hearing that crap ever since I was at UCLA. I'm out there busting my buns every night. Tell your old man to drag Walton and Lanier up and down the court for 48 minutes.

[–]tbone24601 57 points58 points ago

No, my name's Clarence. I'm the co-pilot!

[–]dustypuppy 166 points167 points ago

Surely you can't be serious...

[–]paraprosDOPEan 193 points194 points ago

i am... and don't call me shirley

[–]speedbrown 93 points94 points ago

The tower? The tower?? Rapunzel! Rrrapunzel!

[–]listos 230 points231 points ago

I was on a flight over Yosemite with only 7 people on it. We got a comically brief safety briefing. Had to sit in the back of the plane to balance it. I got a handful of pretzels when the attendant came by.

But the best part was when the pilot comes on the intercom "we will be over Yosemite in about 5 minutes, on the left you will see half Dome." when we get to it the pilot tilts the plane so we could see it.

He said the same thing about el Capitan, to which I dove across to the closest empty seat to get a look as the pilot tilts the plane.

As we approached the end of the park i snagged an awesome photos of half Dome. I'll post it when I get out of school.

Edit: here is the photo I promised!

[–]Vicker3000 16 points17 points ago

when we get to it the pilot tilts the plane so we could see it.

Pilot on intercom: Okay guys, if you all look out of the right side of the plane, you can see Half Dome.

Everyone runs to the right side of the plane. Plane starts to tip over.

Pilot to himself: Crap crap crap! Why the hell did I tell them to do that?!

Pilot on intercom: Don't worry about the tilting guys. I just wanted you to be able to see better.

[–]Domian 67 points68 points ago

He should tell the flight attendant to sit down and relax, then ask if he can bring her something to drink. If he plays his cards right, he can work his way up to co-pilot or even captain by the time they land.

[–]andyreynolds 59 points60 points ago

Then you get invited up to the flight deck and discover it's a hidden camera show and that there's no pilot and you're now 10,000m up in the air with only a Metallica CD and a copy of Flight Simulator 98's instruction manual to help.

[–]emodro 152 points153 points ago

I hope he acted like this guy. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=arFYc3H0AEQ

[–]HowieGaming 43 points44 points ago

That guy is a bit too happy for "THE METRO IS FUCKING EMPTY!! LOOK!! I CAN DO WHATEVER I WANT!! IM KIIIING OF THE WOOOORLD!!"

[–]Matthattan 53 points54 points ago

I was one of only two passengers on a flight from Albany to Philadelphia once, on a jet that could seat about 54. Me and the other guy -- who sat 10 rows behind me -- both lost it when the flight attendant reminded us that we should put on our own oxygen masks before assisting other passengers.

[–]OrangePrototype 134 points135 points ago

Just realized how perfect the aisles are for bowling.

[–]Flaimelion 34 points35 points ago

use toilet paper as pins.

[–]lepry[S] 800 points801 points ago

Wow. This is really taking off.

[–]Appare 310 points311 points ago

That pun was just plane terrible.

[–]skragamuffin 203 points204 points ago

You have 8 hours before msn news picks this up and runs it as some article about airlines using planes irresponsibly.

[–]LuciferDR 230 points231 points ago

Too had he wasn't with a SO - mile high club!

[–]jimbojones230 297 points298 points ago

You don't need a SO for the mile high club - they have a special group for those who "fly solo".

[–]Lord_Bumberchute 574 points575 points ago

The "Skyjacker's Club."

[–]jbenz 403 points404 points ago

It's not illegal. It's frowned upon, like counting cards.

[–]radikul 226 points227 points ago

Thanks a lot, Bin Laden.

[–]SoSaysCory 28 points29 points ago

In the Air Force, we like to call it a combat spank.

[–]bretstar 40 points41 points ago

Just don't call it that until you're off the plane.

[–]thirdfounder 104 points105 points ago

it's not hopeless. the stewardess is blasting Metallica, after all....

[–]gbimmer 83 points84 points ago

Doesn't matter what she looks like at that point. You have to hit it while screaming out "ENTER SANDMAN!"

[–]Spread_Liberally 112 points113 points ago

Fuck that man, Ride The Lightning!!!

[–]Tgg161 17 points18 points ago

"flight attendant" -- could be a man. But I guess the passenger could be a woman, or if the passenger is a man, he could be gay.

[–]thirdfounder 84 points85 points ago

given the situation, i think all involved should put their sexual preference aside and do what it takes to take advantage of the opportunity.

[–]gbimmer 20 points21 points ago

If the flight crew is cute enough...

[–]IrritableOwlSyndrome 37 points38 points ago

That's what the flight attendants and pilot are for. Mile High Orgy.

[–]DRhexagon 170 points171 points ago

And yet he's still sitting in economy class. You just got upgraded to any seat in first class bro. FIRST CLASS IS YOURS..TAKE IT!

[–]Rats_In_Boxes 223 points224 points ago

hell, ask if you can help fly.

[–]bastian1343 53 points54 points ago

No, he could be a terrists.

[–]thetook 47 points48 points ago

It looks like a small connector plane and they dont have arranged classes on those planes. The first 5 rows could have extra space etc but nothing like a Jumbo Jet.

[–]folderol 31 points32 points ago

Is he on a 757 and is the pilot Bruce Dickinson?

[–]RalphiesBoogers 1945 points1946 points ago

Ran it through google images reverse image search to ensure it wasn't a preexisting web photo. It only came back with these "visually similar" images:

http://limewedge.net/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/DavidBurton-17.jpg

http://andyfiord.ru/static/artists/maria-budtova/ads-editorials/malinki/10.jpg

http://img94.imageshack.us/img94/9985/dscn0288o.jpg

They're close, but different enough for me to buy it. We're good.

[–]onefingerattack 726 points727 points ago

[–]Fresh_Pillows_Rock 38 points39 points ago

I'm the batman

[–]doublen00b 1830 points1831 points ago

CLEARED FOR MOTHERFUCKING TAKE OFF!

[–]ThePoonHunter 1433 points1434 points ago

YOU BOYS LIKE MEXICOOOO!?!?!?!?!

[–]marqattack 349 points350 points ago

Hijacking! I'm a flight attendant. A few years ago I was about to leave the airport and to my comfy hotel bed when I got a call from headquarters. I had to work a flight with one passenger.

Apparently, an unaccompanied minor had been dropped off after his flight with the nearest customer service agent because the parent wasn't present. Only one problem: the UM was not supposed to get off on that city, but continue on to the next! Sometimes customers get confused and deplane when they should stay on, but this was a minor. This 8 year old kid had the entire plane to himself and he had the time of his life.

[–]tineyeit 315 points316 points ago

Are you allowed to yell Hijacking! in your line of work?

[–]marqattack 36 points37 points ago

ooops!

[–]BigBadMrBitches 23 points24 points ago

I swear I thought your post was about to be horrific.

[–]ZeroCool2390 197 points198 points ago

Was his name Kevin McCallister?

[–]MissSteenie 16 points17 points ago

What a lucky kid

[–]VirtualAnarchy 402 points403 points ago

Olé mothafuckah

[–]F1CKEN 194 points195 points ago

OLÉ MOTHAFUCKAH!

If you hadn't noticed it's all about the CAPS.

Edit: É

[–]VirtualAnarchy 154 points155 points ago

É! Copy-paste this into your post before you get a star for editing. Quickly now!

[–]Two_Oceans_Eleven 96 points97 points ago

These are the types of helpful posts that make this world a better place.

[–]hotairballoons 80 points81 points ago

The snozzberries taste like snozzberries!

[–]TylerRiggs 43 points44 points ago

BEAR FUCKER

[–]TBatWork 237 points238 points ago

THIS PLANES ABOUT TO GET ITS DICK SUCKED BY CLOUDS.

[–]Two_Oceans_Eleven 157 points158 points ago

THIS 747 INCH BEAST IS ABOUT TO CUMULO NIMBUS.

[–]ItsTobias 201 points202 points ago

not sure about that third one, I think a few minutes with photoshop could change that image into the one in OP's.

[–]Reqol 207 points208 points ago

You're right. I tinkered with the color balance and contrast a bit. I think OP is a phony.

[–]denMAR 255 points256 points ago

I was also just playing around with the colour balance and then this happened.

[–]Palpatime 39 points40 points ago

But then if that's OP, who took the picture?

[–]h1p1n3 89 points90 points ago

Are you saying, OC on the front page? What the fuck do you think this is?

[–]TheAtomicPlayboy 251 points252 points ago

I would support a 'visually similar images' novelty account.

[–]GeneralWarts 149 points150 points ago

I'd support it for... 1 day.

And that's saying a lot.

[–]macataq 274 points275 points ago

I'm just waiting for the snakes.

[–]futuramadog 412 points413 points ago

"That's it! I've had it with these monkey-fighting snakes on this Monday to Friday plane!"

[–]brutalbronco 445 points446 points ago

You fucking 1%ers and your cocksucking motherfucking private jets.

Edit Added emphasis to my sarcastic jib.

Edit2 <Drops mic and stares at Lizardizzle>

[–]koynter 59 points60 points ago

Business class baby!

[–]soothslayer 59 points60 points ago

In a situation like that, the pilot aught to let you into the cockpit to handle the controls for a while.

[–]skoosa 16 points17 points ago

I had the same exact situation happen to me on a flight from KSFO to KLAS a few years ago - a completely empty airliner, just me and the flight attendants and the pilot. During that flight we hit the worst turbulence I've ever experienced...where some panels came off the inside of the plane.

Wish I could say the turbulence was due to me joining the mile-high club, but it wasn't so. :(

[–]red321red321 347 points348 points ago

IT'S YOUR FLIGHT

OUT OF SIGHT

THE PLANE'S YOURS, MAN

YOU'RE OFF TO NEVER, NEVERLAND

HOOOOOOOOOO

[–]iaman00b 83 points84 points ago

Can you repeat that? I couldn't hear you the first time.

[–]StealthTurkey 64 points65 points ago

Well played.

Expect a call from Lars' lawyers very shortly.

[–]fuckmesanta 194 points195 points ago

My boyfriend and I have flown charter, and it is always a treat. The pilots were actually browsing reddit on their iPad during the flight. We didn't have to go through security, just show our IDs. My favorite line from the pilot: "you can pull the door closed for some privacy. But we will both know what you're doing anyway."

Edit: PROOF: Here's one, two don't mind my boyfriend's angry face. and three