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top 200 commentsshow all 240

[–]ChronDonDiggity 329 points330 points ago

Looks like the guy on the left managed to put more water in the bong.

[–]captainsnow 107 points108 points ago

[–]ChronDonDiggity 4 points5 points ago

As a Lakers fan, here's an uptoke my friend.

[–]fatloui 22 points23 points ago

[–]orthag 6 points7 points ago

Why do i doubt that Shaq drives a Buick? Buick makes good cars, yes. But Shaq probably has a Mercedes or a BMW.

[–]derpferguson 3 points4 points ago

They probably gave him one to drive around in, I assume for good publicity.

[–]Seanehhs[!] 7 points8 points ago

i also doubt tom brady drives around in a dodge dart, but hey, publicity

[–]TheDukeAtreides 0 points1 point ago

Right? look at his knees in that gif!

[–]Sanpan21 1 point2 points ago

I'd bet in 99% of the cars, I would say 100% but I know reddit would amaze me (get to it), a man of his height would have to sit like that.

[–]k2cougar 3 points4 points ago

as a 6'9" guy I can confirm this.

I was blown away when I realized that people can drive with their knees under the steering wheel

[–]manicdthenomad 0 points1 point ago

Regardless, that's a pretty clever commercial

[–]Mikevercetti 1 point2 points ago

Shaq has a customized convertible white Mercedes Benz S550. It looks absolutely hideous and is proof that money doesn't buy class.

[–]ChronDonDiggity 0 points1 point ago

You too buddy!

[–]expreshion 3 points4 points ago

I don't get it.

[–]Fonzie8819 53 points54 points ago

Hes not low.

[–]CuntSmellersLLP 9 points10 points ago

So he's honorable?

I still don't get it.

[–]musik4kittens 6 points7 points ago

Opposite of low

[–]videogamechamp 16 points17 points ago

wol?

[–]derbearlaserbeam 5 points6 points ago

[–]murphymc 2 points3 points ago

by my translation thats;

"low at potar orf"

what language is that

[–]Mr_Maru 2 points3 points ago

Could be the vertical opposite, "mol".

[–]gugulo 189 points190 points ago

I say break the bong in two! Whoever's the mother will come forward and s... oh wait...

[–]DancesWithPugs 109 points110 points ago

Said the wise Stonoloman

[–]sspequod 20 points21 points ago

This is much funnier than reddit seems to realize.

[–]Bloody_Conspiracies 14 points15 points ago

It has 55 points. I'm sure Reddit realises how funny it is.

[–]sspequod 2 points3 points ago

It had 3 points in 3 hours when I first saw it.

[–]BlackjackChess 4 points5 points ago

It sure jumped up in the last 38 minutes, then, because it is now at 124 points.

[–]NWTreeeeeeeee 12 points13 points ago

I just heard the original saying a few days ago and thought wtf.

I shall smoke this bowl out of coincidence.

[–]jesusinabottle 6 points7 points ago

The original doesn't it even make that much sense either. If I was trying to steal a baby and someone was like, yeah dude let's cut it in half, I'd be like fuck that I don't want half a baby this is bullshit. Then we'd both be outraged and no one would know who the mother really was.

Solomon wasn't even wise at all I just made myself angry my entire Catholic schooling has been a lie.

[–]godlessatheist 11 points12 points ago

The moral of the story was that the atheist wanted at least half of the baby to eat but the Jew wanted the whole baby or no baby at all.

[–]Eldrahir -1 points0 points ago

Because you know, you sometimes want a little kidney with the lungs and heart.

[–]PhedreRachelle 2 points3 points ago

I imagine at the time it was written that it was a very clear way to explain to the people of that time the idea of value

[–]jesusinabottle 7 points8 points ago

who wants half a baby? this is the real, hard hitting question here.

[–]Ittero 3 points4 points ago

Well, as long as I get the half with ribs. Yum.

[–]agentstaple 2 points3 points ago

I think it would be more fair if we sliced it vertically, that way we each get an equal proportion of organs, except for the heart, pancreas and anything else to one side of the body, I'm not very good at human anatomy so we will just have to judge it by eye.

[–]Ittero 1 point2 points ago

Think one of those big paper cutters with a grid would work? Should be pretty accurate.

[–]NewRebel 2 points3 points ago

the yum got me... i laughed pretty hard at this idk why.

E:wait yes i do... im high XD

[–]_Freedom_ 0 points1 point ago

Depends, is it used?

[–]AllGoodUsernames 0 points1 point ago

Well, then that one lady was like, k gimme half. and then the other chic was all like DONT KILL MAH FUCKIN BABY! So the true mother was revealed.

[–]jarejay 0 points1 point ago

It's from the bible

EDIT: *Bible, to be the proper Christian I ought to be

[–]Drakonisch 1 point2 points ago

This story always bothered me. Why wouldn't both women object to this? What if the woman who didn't object was the real mother but she was just inordinately stupid? Like maybe she thought the baby would grow back and be two babies. Maybe she thought the great and wise king was bluffing and she was being sarcastic. Because she assumed the great and wise king was also not stupid. So many possibilities.

[–]gugulo 0 points1 point ago

They would both object, but the mother would give up her son so he wouldn't be cut in half, where as the other mother wouldn't be so fast in doing so.

[–]Jacob5890 50 points51 points ago

Behold! Bagel Jesus! I work with this man and this episode of Judge Joe Brown should air tomorrow(Wednesday October 3rd) at 9:30 AM if the information I have received is correct. The bong's tragic demise is by no means his fault and he is a fascinating character. Y'all should find him on Facebook by searching Bagel Jesus, for he is truly a visionary in bagel distribution. Or don't do it, who am I to force you? In the end I'm going to sit here ripping my bong either way. good day to you all. The show should be on Fox, probably should have mentioned that the first time around. Also, here is a link to the episode if anyone is interested. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DmKrLLSzZB8&feature=relmfu skip to the 11 minute mark.

[–]Longwayfromcali 12 points13 points ago

Is this the guy who gave out left over bagels from where he works to the homeless?

[–]Jacob5890 20 points21 points ago

Thats him. When we close we have like 100+ bagels left so he usually bags them up(its a massive ass bag of bagels!) and gives them out to all who need them. If we could all just take a little page out of Bagel Jesus' book of life, the world would be a better place.

[–]Snow-dawg 3 points4 points ago

Unless you work at a nuclear-material processing plant...

Do NOT hand out left-over Uranium to homeless people...

[–]JohnnyHancock 11 points12 points ago

It appears as though you are speaking the truth. Behold! Bagel Jesus!

[–]martianFart 12 points13 points ago

so i just went like his page...he currently has 420 likes lol

[–]W00ster 5 points6 points ago

A man calling himself "Bagel Jesus" must truly have been hitting the bong - respect!

[–]bakedrice 4 points5 points ago

he doesnt call himself that, its an honorary title only for the most elite of souls

[–]Stormmm 2 points3 points ago

Beat me to posting this, my friend met Bagel Jesus at bonnaroo this year and told me about him, been following him on Facebook ever since haba

[–]YogurtShaker 0 points1 point ago

I've heard that these judge shows end up paying whatever the defendant ends up owing anyways, is that true or was your friend out $1,400?

[–]Jacob5890 1 point2 points ago

Fuck it, I can't keep you from the truth. The show did in fact pay for the damages to the computer, plus they paid to fly him out there, paid for him to stay in a hotel AND gave him walking around money. So basically he was paid to spill bong water on that girls laptop. Life lesson: fuck shit up.

[–]steezenskis 77 points78 points ago

so who owns the bong and who owns the laptop. Im not sure

[–]imkindofimpressed 69 points70 points ago

He's suing himself..

[–]i_rape_moms 56 points57 points ago

The black guy is his attorney

[–]justchillin12 19 points20 points ago

"my payment can be anything that's green"

[–]Mr_Maru 12 points13 points ago

Green gummy bears are so cash.

[–]vashman 11 points12 points ago

damnit guys! pull it together

[–]ChronicMasterBaker 8 points9 points ago

They seem to be on the same side. Unless they're introduced like that in the beginning. I think they're both defendants.

[–]justanaveragecomment 0 points1 point ago

Good eye, ChronicMasterBaker, good eye.

[–]this-color-is-blue 7 points8 points ago

Confirmation is complete. Please wait while I tattoo your new identity on your arm!

[–]Icantevenhavemyname -1 points0 points ago

The black dude with the baby-dreads brought the bong. Not because he is black but because he had a bong.

[–]long_live_king_melon 1 point2 points ago

They both own the bong, it was the white guy's ex-girlfriend's laptop.

[–]NobleSmut 35 points36 points ago

Hilarious, bro.

[–]Razarex 20 points21 points ago

That's a cool [7]. I like that [7]. [6]

[–]scote614 17 points18 points ago

indeed, it is a cool [7] I wish I could do a cool [7]. [5]

[–]Grunram 22 points23 points ago

You should probably read the sidebar, or read this http://i.imgur.com/ELkJM.jpg

[–]dementeddog 25 points26 points ago

I wouldn't be able to do that if I was over a [3]

[–]Grunram 9 points10 points ago

Normally I complain that people use the highness scale too loosely, and claim to be able to shop at a but for once I think you may need a bit of calibrating if you cant do that over a [3] lol (true though, i never use it)

[–]Nobodysbass 4 points5 points ago

I'm trying at a

[–]Nobodysbass 4 points5 points ago

hey took 5 mins and I got it !!!!

[–]dementeddog 2 points3 points ago

I could do it at an [7] if I had the picture thing telling me how to, but I couldn't do it from memory. Maybe I'll print the picture out and hang it next to my computer.

[–]Nobodysbass 4 points5 points ago

Try that. Or also right click the picture link and "open in new tab" then drag that tab until it forms a window. Then Resize that window until it takes up about half of the screen. Then resize your reddit trees window til it takes up the other half of the screen. Then try to look at both sides with both eyeballs at the same time and and and follow the directions. still

[–]justanaveragecomment 4 points5 points ago

Holy shit, I'm at a and I couldn't do that.

[–]Theatrefaggg 1 point2 points ago

I can't even comprehend...... [5]

[–]ilikeyourhair 1 point2 points ago

trying at a

[–]mygenericalias 2 points3 points ago

at a that took me a good 3 minutes

[–]RockyMountainStoner 1 point2 points ago

Me aswell

[–]Berlusconi 12 points13 points ago

[–]Scuttlebuttz93 12 points13 points ago

Feels bad man. I'm being drug tested tomorrow, so let's share these feels

[–]Wide-Eyed_Penguin 6 points7 points ago

I'm a canadian in finland, this place is so hard to find a hookup :( been dry for a month

[–]xrawfish 11 points12 points ago

Oh no, not Finrand.

[–]bewk 5 points6 points ago

feeling the pain

[–]DropsTheMic 6 points7 points ago

If it makes you feel better I'm in NorCal and harvest season is in full swing! The co-ops are slashing prices to move inventory before the huge bump in supply and they go dead for a month or 2. I got a good eighth of indoor + free gram for $25 on Saturday. ;)

[–]Wide-Eyed_Penguin 3 points4 points ago

yes... this makes me feel much better *sob

[–]hitsua 0 points1 point ago

October is my favorite! Prices so cheap everywhere...

[–]murphymc 0 points1 point ago

I envy the fuck out of everything about that.

[–]W00ster 2 points3 points ago

That's funny because there are a lot of trees in Finland....

[–]Nobodysbass 0 points1 point ago

:(

[–]Phoniexbates 2 points3 points ago

like that? But I can't see it on my alien blue?

[–]A_glorious_dawn 2 points3 points ago

It worked

[–]Andokool12 1 point2 points ago

Reddit's general code format for this kind of thing is very strange and awkward, I dunno why they don't just mimic BBC

Definitely not r/trees friendly if you catch my drift

As if there is a drift to catch though

[–]W00ster 1 point2 points ago

Wow, had no idea, must have been to high earlier, now I'm just a balmy

[–]alcflea 0 points1 point ago

Brothers of the unite.

I just really wanted an excuse to use the new highness icon.

[–]Matt576GT 1 point2 points ago

:(

[–]steelfractal 1 point2 points ago

THANK YOU

[–]agentstaple 0 points1 point ago

test [](high0)

edit take 2:

[–]mydogwatchesmejerkit 0 points1 point ago

awesome

[–]TundraWolf_ 0 points1 point ago

I can't see them on the reddit is fun app :(

[–]arrowtootheknee 23 points24 points ago

I used to , but then I took an arrow too the knee! [-4]

[–]Popnickel 17 points18 points ago

only in /r/trees can you post a comment without going negative.

[–]ismelldank 5 points6 points ago

Oh my it's you again!

[–]zombiedodge 2 points3 points ago

my bad bro, I was a

Feels bad man, feels bad

[–]fuckYouKarmaWhores 0 points1 point ago

Here's a

[–]wht2give 13 points14 points ago

Can I get a link to watch this episode? It sounds funny as hell!

[–]c3bhm 23 points24 points ago

An ever better one, and ultra relevant:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fg_eflsOo8s

[–]mayfly42 2 points3 points ago

That's hilarious. Thank you for brightening my day.

[–]NotTrespassing_Yet 2 points3 points ago

There should be a public service announcement for the antiguana, that stuff is to wicked

[–]c3bhm 2 points3 points ago

I lived there for a brief time, and I will say that it was the best weed I've ever had around the world. Not so much stronger, necessarily - since the hydro coming out of just about anybody's basement these days is crazy stuff - but the 'wadadli' in Antigua was wonderful.

[–]coffeetablesex 0 points1 point ago

aww, but i seen this one...good one though

[–]coffeetablesex 3 points4 points ago

here you are good sir.

relevant case begins towards end of part 1

edit: btw, i think judge joe brown got into the evidence...

[–]felixjawesome 0 points1 point ago

[–]analogueboy 0 points1 point ago

Dude, I looked for a good twenty minutes trying to find a good stream of it. No luck. Sorry brah

[–]travis- 1 point2 points ago

[–]Concussi0n 9 points10 points ago

Of course they don't. MY BONG WATER WAS RUINED BY A PC. Do you know how frustrating that is?

[–]jerseyanarchist 13 points14 points ago

ROFL bong goes on floor, laptop goes on table... never the two shall meet

[–]General_Veers 22 points23 points ago

Unless your carpets are any kind of plushy. Mine won't stand upright on that kind of carpet (you know, the kind that covers my entire apartment). So at least for me, it's table or bongwatercarpetclusterfuckmyface.

[–]Drotastic 14 points15 points ago

or untill you fucking kick that shit over.....

[–]General_Veers 3 points4 points ago

One of my two roommates consistently beats on our bong. He doesn't mean to, but he just reflexively jerks or moves abruptly and drop-kicks the thing. Either way, thing's a survivor that's for sure.

[–]Inimitable 8 points9 points ago

  1. Go to Ikea

  2. Spend $10 on something like this

  3. Remove all shelves above bottom shelf

  4. Enjoy fancy bong house

[–]General_Veers 1 point2 points ago

We have a similar solution, that kind of half-works. The couches form a 90* angle with each other, putting the TV across from the couch. There's a bi-level end table between the two couches that we just kinda lean it on.

Also of note, I had a hearty lol @ fancy bong house. It's possible I'm at a solid [6].

[–]FireEyedBoy87 1 point2 points ago

I've witnessed people spilling shit so much, by the time I started to get my own places I refuse to take the risk...

Can't be as worse as actually having a nice place and living with a wino ex though. So many freaking red stains.

[–]SmerkABlernt 1 point2 points ago

Same thing, we got some coasters that we keep inside our ottoman, that way we don't have to get up, but can rest assured it will stand proudly without spilling a drop.

[–]ItsSkitters 1 point2 points ago

Put a piece of wood or cardboard on the floor. Problem solved!

[–]ModnaRMC 2 points3 points ago

poetry to my eyes, bro.

[–]ArmandH4mmer 6 points7 points ago

Stoner Problems! lol

[–]suzwana 5 points6 points ago

My housemate spilled bong water all over my laptop today...laughing so hard at this right now [6]

[–]NeteiTheZulu 8 points9 points ago

I had no idea Dave Chappelle played Whoopi Goldberg.

[–]Fallie 4 points5 points ago

Dang that white kid should be more careful with his bong!!

[–]fabfreebird 4 points5 points ago

My Name is Earl: The Teenage Years.

[–]CommunistMuffin 2 points3 points ago

Dammit Crab Man!

[–]Jewboy_ 2 points3 points ago

Hey Earl

[–]LazarusRises 2 points3 points ago

I just hope the Wearer of Argyle will stop spending money on pot for long enough to pay for the Dreadlocked Gentleman's computer.

[–]fizzlfunk 2 points3 points ago

Holy shit, I did this once. Was packing a bowl, cat came by and butted his head into my arm which caused me to nudge the bong and tip it over right onto my Macbook Pro. It seemed to happen in slow motion and I was helpless to stop it. I powered it down and tried to dry it out... after 8 hours or so I powered it on and was happy to find that everything worked! ...at first. Soon, the delete key stopped working. Then the 8 key only made a *, whether shift was down or not. And so on... then none of the keys worked.

I took it to the Apple Store and the dude at the Genius Bar shut it down and then discovered he couldn't power it back on because the button didn't work either. I told him that I was a dumbass and spilled bong water on it and I knew it wasn't covered by Applecare but I need it fixed so just do it and charge me. Dude sniffed it (it seriously reeked of bong water), laughed, gave me an estimate, and I left the laptop with him. Got a call and came to pick it up a couple days later -- they replaced the keyboard and did it for free. Guess they took pity on me!

[–]Kahmeleon 2 points3 points ago

im a solid and that dude's face on the left made me spill my bong water on my dog

[–]BahrainGanjaLord 1 point2 points ago

How weird would it be if the white guy was actually the one who spilt the bong water.

[–]Nobodysbass 8 points9 points ago

I think he did. The guy on the left looks like more of a blunt fan.

[–]poirier123 3 points4 points ago

That is the only thing my black friends will smoke, no pipes, bongs, vapes, or steamrollers.

[–]mistertron 1 point2 points ago

that blunt fan comment made me spit up my (bong) water

[–]YogurtShaker 1 point2 points ago

Dude, don't drink bong water.

[–]long_live_king_melon 4 points5 points ago

They both did, it was his ex-girlfriend's laptop.

[–]CotST 2 points3 points ago

Spent a decent amount of time trying to make a joke out of that thought. Failed. Gave you an upvote instead

[–]Arelkei 0 points1 point ago

Not very weird, black dude looks like he knows what he's doing.

[–]longhorns51 0 points1 point ago

He actually did lol I just found out that's my friends brother!!!!!

[–]Musicman406 1 point2 points ago

ha.... hahahahahaa :D

[–]Eddie_of_NewYork 0 points1 point ago

lol'd

[–]Mr_Late 1 point2 points ago

My old roommate had a Bong Water Laptop... Smelled a bit funny after it dried but still worked fine!

[–]krispyKRAKEN 7 points8 points ago

Is this a new brand? Better tell them not to make their product with a rectangular screen or rounded edges or else Apple will sue.

[–]utahinneed 1 point2 points ago

Wow, lets just pack another bowl thats what renters insurance is for.

[–]LegalizePineapples 0 points1 point ago

The sad part is I saw this episode before this post.. [8]

[–]nerbulaVapor 0 points1 point ago

oh goodness... I've spilled bong water on my laptop more than once

[–]zgardner44 0 points1 point ago

They both look like they really know whats going on...especially the guy on the left.

[–]mikesweeneyy 0 points1 point ago

Bagel Jesus!

[–]jellybonez 0 points1 point ago

Dude on the left looks like a dreadded out Danny Brown.

[–]dirtbikekid1995 0 points1 point ago

why Is he paying for bong water?

[–]Im_11 1 point2 points ago

That man bears semblance to Dave Chappelle wearing a wig. Tell me he does not.

[–]fucking_retarded_ 0 points1 point ago

This shit happened to me once. Friend wanted to show off the waterfall we made via webcam not realizing that there was still water in it. Fucked up my mac but I was luckily able to get it fixed.

[–]Froztwolf 1 point2 points ago

What's funny is that you automatically assumed the bong was owned by the black guy and the laptop buy the white guy. Didn't you? :P

[–]theamorouspanda 1 point2 points ago

[–]Nobodysbass 0 points1 point ago

do you think it was a Macbook Pro past warranty? Yikes

[–]chpipes 1 point2 points ago

just cause the kid is white, man? how dare you

[–]OrangeMonkeyee 0 points1 point ago

ents would love this

[–]PLeb5 0 points1 point ago

I hope they don't send Clifford to jail.

[–]sraitter 0 points1 point ago

This should be the beginning of grandma's boy 2.

[–]quidam08 0 points1 point ago

and i'm all like, "i don't get stoner jokes"

[–]brendelush 0 points1 point ago

one of the best high shows ever! these people and their drama...

[–]ninjasauruscam 0 points1 point ago

Hahahaha it's Bagel Jesus

[–]lsdforme 0 points1 point ago

This actually happened to me over the summer. Will definitely ruin a laptop

[–]kgraham76 2 points3 points ago

Is that Dave Chappelle as Lil'John again?

[–]MmmkHill5[S] -2 points-1 points ago

Wow thank you guys, i didn't expect front page from this post. You Ents never cease to amaze me.

[–]Tokenroseman 0 points1 point ago

The black guy was on another /r/trees post haha

[–]Christmas_Elvis 1 point2 points ago

I have to know the verdict! WHAT IS THE VERDICT?!

[–]captaintrips420 0 points1 point ago

I have spilt bongwater on this laptop. Soaked right through. Fried the battery but the thing keeps on ticking after a drying out in a closed small room with the heater on for a while.

[–]xMCR 0 points1 point ago

I wonder which one of them smokes.. hmm....

[–]Slash3040 0 points1 point ago

Is the guy on the left The Crabman?

[–]Atticuspaw 0 points1 point ago

Real people on TV!

[–]watchout5 0 points1 point ago

Why leave your laptop that close to the bong water?

[–]ShitGoesDown 0 points1 point ago

I was the one who paid

[–]coldvault 0 points1 point ago

This looks like Lil Jon and Patrick Fuget.

[–]onenonlyjb 0 points1 point ago

my buddy looks very much like the dude on the right.

[–]gunghofriends 0 points1 point ago

That one made me laugh my ass cheeks all the way off my body. Thanks asshole. Now I can't sit unless i have this special kinda seat. It's embarrassing to have to explain at dinner parties. Well, I just want you to know, that I'm gonna try to forgive you, but I'm just... I'm just so hurt inside.

I'm sorry I called you an asshole, I was just really riled up about the picture.

[–]DrewStory 0 points1 point ago

Nearly shat myself when I realized I knew and had smoked with the guy on the right. Gotta record this one

[–]Yella420 0 points1 point ago

this guy is faaaaaadedd

[–]ST00PKlD 0 points1 point ago

The fellow on the right looks like hes going to have to pay

[–]Holmezz 0 points1 point ago

Doh!

[–]nicholassj 0 points1 point ago

this is my new favorite picture

[–]ckuiper 0 points1 point ago

get it together, Tyrone.

[–]kush_domain 0 points1 point ago

I have an Asus.

Accidental damage coverage for all your bongwater related incidents.

[–]S4tisfaction 0 points1 point ago

they dont get that the issue is that some spaz knocked over the bong!!

[–]busydoingnothing 0 points1 point ago

Not a challenge to guess, wich one of them was the cause

[–]KaHoa 0 points1 point ago

This is so fucking hilarious lol. Best roommate pair ever lol

[–]sENTual 0 points1 point ago

Hey Crabman

[–]engPanda 0 points1 point ago

Story of my fucking life tho.

[–]reddititup420 0 points1 point ago

You can't post funny things on /r/funny...

[–]Zacharykai 0 points1 point ago

I met the guy on the left at bonnaroo during phish. His name is Bagel Jesus.

[–]hgallenstein 0 points1 point ago

Bought the new macbook with retina display and a week later spilled bong water (coke) on half the keyboard and now its sticky as fuck. oh well it was bound to happen.