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2315
2316

Wife Material (i.imgur.com)

submitted ago by igotahugedick/fit/

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[–]wankninja 232 points233 points ago

You don't suck a flute.

[–]chad77 77 points78 points ago

Is it called a suck job or a blow job? Actually, the Sambia tribe of Papua New Guinea use bamboo flutes to teach 7-10 year old boys how to perform fellatio. They believe young boys must swallow semen to become a man. If interested, watch the documentary called, "The Guardians of the Flutes."

[–][deleted] 33 points34 points ago

I thought you were kidding me until I googled it. What.

[–]chad77 22 points23 points ago

Yeah, it's crazy. The young boys may have to perform fellatio 20 to 30 times a day on the elders until adulthood. They even have a "clubhouse" where these sex acts take place. I don't remember the details, but the elders drink some type of tree sap because they believe it replenishes their semen.

[–]BrokenEnglishUser 31 points32 points ago

The difference here is, orchestra flutes blow by side of the flute, while traditional/primitive flutes blow like what you do to suck a cock.

[–]madman485 36 points37 points ago

Exactly. She should have taken up clarinet.

[–]unashamedlibertarian 5 points6 points ago

Do wind instruments make men any better at giving ladies oral? Likewise, does playing the piano make men better at handy fun time for their girlfriends? I'm genuinely curious.

[–]pagodapagoda 6 points7 points ago

handy fun time

mfw

[–]toinfinitiandbeyond 4 points5 points ago

They don't call them "wood" wind instruments for nothing.

Also I dated a tuba player once and she could suck the chrome off a trailer hitch.

[–]Matt_12 6 points7 points ago

But she was still a tuba player

[–]toinfinitiandbeyond 2 points3 points ago

She is one of the thinnest girls I've dated. I think she could probably crawl through a tuba. She did have a snaggle tooth though.

[–]madman485 1 point2 points ago

I find guitar helpful

[–]mrdoink20 0 points1 point ago

I think it would be pretty funny if a girl blew into my penis eye.

[–]Gooberpatrol66 0 points1 point ago

Or tuba. Dat buzz.

[–]BlueOak777 3 points4 points ago

wtf did I just read.

[–]comradexkcd -3 points-2 points ago

Wat

[–]tHeSiD 8 points9 points ago

Some times you gotta be able to blow before you suck

[–]c0up0n 85 points86 points ago

Fucking girls are so dumb.

[–]NeverScoop 4 points5 points ago

They require incredible lung power. About the same as a Tuba.

[–]stepped_on_a_lego 0 points1 point ago

Brass players don't need to have as much lung power as woodwind players to play their instrument.

[–]flaming_sousa 0 points1 point ago

Ive found brass requires more air power but woodwinds require more control of the air.

[–]stepped_on_a_lego 0 points1 point ago

It's just what I've heard from a friend who switched from flute to a tuba. I wouldn't know for sure since I'm a drummer.

[–]FroSamurai/gif/ 0 points1 point ago

Tuba master-race, reporting in.

[–]checkmateathiests/b/ 0 points1 point ago

It's called cross-training.

[–]MEANMUTHAFUKA 2 points3 points ago

What about a skin flute?

[–]spectralnischay 0 points1 point ago

This man knows what's up with flutes.

[–]brass_snacks 0 points1 point ago

you do if it's a skin flute.

[–]FeelingCute 44 points45 points ago

at the flute concerts

[–]snowey111 12 points13 points ago

I also suspected some kind of underlying message.

[–]Residue 0 points1 point ago

I was unsure till you mention it.

[–]samwardle 6 points7 points ago

should have got her to learn the saxaphone.

[–]CoolKlutzCan 53 points54 points ago

This one time, at band camp...

[–]Anderz 14 points15 points ago

Wanna feel old?

That joke originated two decades ago.

[–]40crew 54 points55 points ago

How is 13 years two decades?

[–]Anderz 36 points37 points ago

I have no idea and I wrote it.

(Confession: I was meant to say it spans two decades, but even that would have been incorrect as it actually spans 3 decades. I think that's enough internet for me today.)

[–]tadziobadzio 10 points11 points ago

1999 was 30 years ago..

[–]Sandpaper_Condoms/d/ 0 points1 point ago

He means it was in the 90s 2000s and 2010s.

[–]granolasauras 0 points1 point ago

so if i was born in 1999 then im a 90s KID???????

[–]playboyman007 9 points10 points ago

How would op know if she isn't gaining experience from the flute but rather from other dicks behind his back for 4 yrs?

[–]G-H-O-S-T 1 point2 points ago

I'm sure he'd know if he knew that flutes make noise when blown and not sucked.

[–]Karalius -5 points-4 points ago

Another fake story with another imaginary girlfriend.

And yes, it takes only 4 years to pick up an instrument and perform concerts. lol.

[–]zefrogi 57 points58 points ago

These fakes comments on here are getting boring as hell.

High school have concerts too you know. Even pre school!

[–]trollsconstantly 36 points37 points ago

Ya fuck that faggot I always take a day off of work to go to my girlfriends middle school concert

[–]ginx2666 10 points11 points ago

That explains why preschoolers are so good at giving a bj.

[–]Dao_of_Tao 23 points24 points ago

Once again, the difference between /b/ and reddit is morons like you. Nobody gives a fuck is a story posted on the internet is true or false.

[–]BlueOak777 0 points1 point ago

This is the story of the internet. Take seat children and learn.

[–]doesnotgetthepoint 23 points24 points ago

all these stories are fake, idiot

[–]zlozlozlozlozlozlo 5 points6 points ago

It doesn't have to be Carnegie Hall, you faggot.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

What? Dude 4 years is enough to get pretty dang good at any instrument if you really apply yourself.

[–]xarlev 5 points6 points ago

Of course it's fucking fake.

[–]Meestah_Feesh 3 points4 points ago

I love how just because the story is from 4chan it is automatically assumed that the story is fake.

[–]Karalius 0 points1 point ago

the story is from the internet it is automatically assumed that the story is fake.

fixed

[–]flipper_gv 0 points1 point ago

Yes and no. You can perform concerts to a random crowd where like people pay real money to come and see you. These guys are pros usually. You can also do concerts where like only your family comes and see you and like everyone in your music school plays something.

[–]lots_of_sarcasm/mu/ 0 points1 point ago

Fake is a given for internet stories.

[–]JammyBurger 1 point2 points ago

4chan

expecting real stories

[–]hotforhautbois 1 point2 points ago

Well if you're not a dumbass it can take as few as two years.

Shit, if all my colleagues were still awful at the four year mark, I'd kill myself.

[–]Abomonog 1 point2 points ago

Hey! That's not right! Everyone knows it's the alto sax players that give the best blow jobs.

[–]Mexi_Cant 0 points1 point ago

And your mom.

[–]Abomonog 1 point2 points ago

Nah. She plays the flute.

[–]Mexi_Cant 0 points1 point ago

The skin flute.

[–]Abomonog 0 points1 point ago

If it floats your boat.

[–]Theqman24 0 points1 point ago

Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooopooooooooooooooopppp SHEIT

[–]Toss_my_salad 1 point2 points ago

Talented with the flute and the skin flute... What a renaissance woman

[–]scharpfuzz 0 points1 point ago

Dem woodwinds.

[–]redditnamegoeshere 0 points1 point ago

The twists: gf "borrowing a friends flute" is gf borrowing someone else's penis, "flute performances" are really live sex shows, OP also a faggot with no gf or penis

[–]Hobo-With-A-Shotgun -2 points-1 points ago

It's surprising how many girls at bad at giving blowjobs. Protip; we don't want to feel teeth.

[–]nunclegifted -2 points-1 points ago

this didn't happen

[–]NoSalt -3 points-2 points ago

Does she ever stick the flute in her pussy???

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]potentiallyoffensive 0 points1 point ago

bonnet

[–]ShakeTheWorm 1 point2 points ago

It's funny, bonnet means beanie in french. Funny, ha ? Fucking iPhone keyboard.

[–]mrdoink20 -4 points-3 points ago

I call obvious bull shit.

[–]onca51/pol/ 3 points4 points ago

http://i.imgur.com/Lo2qn.png

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