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top 200 commentsshow all 318

[–]Nibbed 178 points179 points ago

Twist, Denny leaves without paying.

[–]bobqjones 74 points75 points ago

and then he gets arrested on the way out the door for Assault with a Deadly Weapon, Menacing, and Extortion.

[–]brotherbond 20 points21 points ago

Seriously, a bad ass like that would be in jail long ago for shit like that.

[–]UnreachablePaul 2 points3 points ago

Bad Luck Brian's father

[–]ladaghini 11 points12 points ago

Yes, I believe that's how it's always been:

He always tells me stories of adventures in exchange for a coffee and a brownie.

[–]zumpiez 2 points3 points ago

Denny has for his next 9 visits anyway.

[–]Chryton 2 points3 points ago

Stab, then twist.

[–]emm386 52 points53 points ago

The source of inspiration for this story: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0096945/

[–]Habanawanga 25 points26 points ago

The plot synopsis appears to be just a biased negative review.

[–]codepoet 25 points26 points ago

It's that good.

[–]UsernameNotFound404 27 points28 points ago

The most important fact of the story was left out. After these events took place, Denny decided to open up a chain of cafés across the U.S.A. They are safe places for people to have coffee at 3 A.M. Waitresses like Peach thrive in these breakfast joints all across the country. Thank you, Denny.

[–]jordanminjie 10 points11 points ago

[–]jglee1236 212 points213 points ago

There's old, and then there's this story.

[–]VAGINA_BLADES 18 points19 points ago

Do we have a sign-up list for who gets to post it each month? March is good for me.

[–]square_ham 58 points59 points ago

[–]Scruppsy 15 points16 points ago

Brownies?! With ENDLESS edges?!

[–]lazmansays 5 points6 points ago

star wars bathrobes!!!!?

[–]skyleresgenial 7 points8 points ago

I've only been on reddit about 6 months, and I've already seen this posted at least 4 times. Come on guys.

[–]icepickjones 5 points6 points ago

There's lies, and then there's this story.

[–]FlippyDog 36 points37 points ago

kaspersky says no

[–]random_ass 4 points5 points ago

[–]chasmo-OH-NO 3 points4 points ago

Computer says noooo.

[–]droctopu5 2 points3 points ago

cough

[–]Kmlkmljkl 3 points4 points ago

kaspersky says no to the entire 4chanarchive site :|

[–]wick220 4 points5 points ago

I was also told no.

[–]Thomsenite 339 points340 points ago

There's also true and completely fabricated.

[–]baberg 194 points195 points ago

I don't care - I WANT to believe that somewhere above a coffee shop is a badass like that.

[–]chadridesabike 96 points97 points ago

Someone lying? NOT ON MY INTERNET

[–]killiangray 30 points31 points ago

cocks shotgun

[–]Take_Me_To_Elysium 57 points58 points ago

Pulls off jewel on cane to reveal a sword

[–]SomeFokkerTookMyName 23 points24 points ago

unzips pants and unsheaths penis

[–]ImAWhaleBiologist 23 points24 points ago

sticks penis into shotgun and sword into ass

[–]dunderwood 23 points24 points ago

puts on robe and wizard hat

[–]Rainaire 8 points9 points ago

opens the door, gets on the floor

[–]darkneo86 11 points12 points ago

sigh

walks the dinosaur

[–]Catalyst8487 2 points3 points ago

Now this is getting interesting.

[–]TeslaBoyGangsta 7 points8 points ago

Son, take your penis out of that shotgun nice and slow and no one will get hurt.

[–]killiangray 4 points5 points ago

Yes sir :(

[–]McWut 2 points3 points ago

Git off mah innernets

[–]tomtermite 7 points8 points ago

There is. His name is John Gaunt

[–]winstano 7 points8 points ago

In the UK, John Gaunt is a tremendously fat, horrible and inflammatory "journalist" who just provokes sensible people into outrage, so thank you for context!

[–]tomtermite 3 points4 points ago

He really let himself go, it seems...

[–]LeMingMing 93 points94 points ago

On 4chan, it doesn't matter if it's true or not. As long as it's funny or entertaining.

On Reddit, it needs to be proven right or "fuck that story".

Live and ride the dream, man.

[–]sb3hxsb50 10 points11 points ago

It's like camp stories or stand up comedians. Story isn't true? Did you just try to give a fuck?

[–]bythewaves 12 points13 points ago

There's no karma on 4chan, and if we start giving karma to stories that aren't true and independently verified by 2 well established sources the moral fiber of the internet may collapse.

[–]LeMingMing 19 points20 points ago

[–]BurntTheToast 42 points43 points ago

Because lord knows nothing is funny unless it's a true story.

[–]uberguby 5 points6 points ago

Like hot tub time machine. Everyone was laughing and I was the only one who was all "WTF, this would never happen this way."

[–]woodycanuck 11 points12 points ago

The thing is, as fiction, it's a pretty boring story. The only thing that would make that story interesting is if it actually happened. Which it didn't.

[–]Gredelston 13 points14 points ago

So have a little imagination. Pretend it actually happened, and stop caring. Frowning at everything and being a cynic doesn't make you any happier.

[–]I_r_redditmans 4 points5 points ago

The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood. Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.

[–]alchompski 12 points13 points ago

Thats a damn good story. But where the hell was Mario durring all this?

[–]uberguby 3 points4 points ago

Psh. Throwin' himself at paintings, shouting something about cake.

[–]thrownaway9001 8 points9 points ago

Reposts. Reposts everywhere.

[–]ifUreadTHISiWin999 37 points38 points ago

Anyone seeking more info might also check here:

title comnts points age /r/
Then, there's Denny [Pic] 700coms 4270pts 3yrs funny
Then, there's Denny [Pic][x-post from r/funny] 0coms -1pt 25dys funny
Get this man a refill! 116coms 964pts 3mos funny
Denny is a badass... 21coms 269pts 6mos WTF
Denny is a badass 4coms 14pts 9mos pics
Don't mess with Peach. 9coms 40pts 1yr funny
This fucking guy. 534coms 364pts 1yr pics

source: karmadecay

[–]Quaytsar 1 point2 points ago

You would think, with how often this is reposted, that it would at least be a funny story.

[–]skeddles 2 points3 points ago

I laughed =[

[–]AfroBro 2 points3 points ago

But, I liked it.

[–]venfayth 5 points6 points ago

Of all the things that have never happened, this is the thing I want to have happened the most

[–]henhenhen 5 points6 points ago

Ha! I actually own such a cane! I believe it to be quite old, but that's just speculation. I don't even remember how I got it.

http://imgur.com/a/VW81M

[–]daemonicBookkeeper 2 points3 points ago

Clean the sword, matey. Never know if you'll need it.

[–]dreinn 25 points26 points ago

Yeah, that definitely didn't happen.

[–]BlueElephants 8 points9 points ago

[–]Daefows 6 points7 points ago

I agree, though I do have one of those sword canes, at least I have something to look forward to when (if) I live long enough to have to use one.

[–]Spawnah 2 points3 points ago

Does it matter?

[–]ERich256 5 points6 points ago

Well hell, I enjoyed reading the story. Reading believable fiction is nice.

[–]watyousay 4 points5 points ago

This is largely borrowed from the Doll House story arc in Sandman. 'Denny' being Fiddlers Green/Gilbert.

[–]4fdfasdf 5 points6 points ago

Old man with concealed weapon helping out young person who doesn't know old man is actually a badass isn't exactly original.

[–]tspaghetti 11 points12 points ago

FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW:

[–]Trehorna123 10 points11 points ago

This is a repost

[–]PantheraAtrox 5 points6 points ago

SPOILER ALERT END OF BREAKING BAD

[–]starlilyth 7 points8 points ago

.. and then theres you, reposter.

[–]TheRavencroft 3 points4 points ago

I've always wanted a Sword Cane but they are illegal to buy in England. I believe the loophole is it's illegal to buy but not own.

[–]TheDudish 3 points4 points ago

Kaspersky pulls up the page saying it's a threat, refuses to open it. /sigh

[–]tuxcreepz 3 points4 points ago

This is so old it hurts.

[–]uberguby 3 points4 points ago

ITT: We show our superior skepticism and Holmesian detective skills by doubting 4chan submissions posted in /r/funny.

[–]promethius_rising 3 points4 points ago

ANTIVIRUS SHIT ALL OVER ITSELF WHEN I TRIED TO OPEN LINK. DO NOT OPEN.

[–]tuckie 2 points3 points ago

Fuck you and your repost

[–]wookiesandwich 0 points1 point ago

miscategorized...you want r/shitthatneverhappened

[–]CrabbyMonday 2 points3 points ago

Welcome to the Internet, OP

[–]ImGonnaBeInPictures 0 points1 point ago

Let's scare the shit out of some guy and basically cheat him out of $50! That's awesome!

[–]LordAnubis10 2 points3 points ago

I live in Austin as well.

[–]dacotahd 0 points1 point ago

This is amazing, but I'd be slightly afraid of him for a uncertain amount of time.

[–]TheRealExqusite 0 points1 point ago

You must go to hillwood

[–]sorryforthehangover 0 points1 point ago

I can only read Denny in the voice of Bill from Kill Bill.

[–]s3rious_simon 0 points1 point ago

Cane Swords: Classy as shit. (and unfortunately illegal where i live...)

[–]roachwarren 1 point2 points ago

"he sheaths his cane and sit back down"

this story can't be true he misspelled that

[–]saluja04 -1 points0 points ago

AMA Request: Denny

[–]verbal_diarrhea_guy 1 point2 points ago

I actually have a sword cane. There's a wolf's head on the top/handle.

[–]table3 -1 points0 points ago

Did anyone else think Denny was going to yell, "YOU SHALL NOT PASS"?

[–]FloggingHank 0 points1 point ago

master roshi

[–]endercoaster 1 point2 points ago

As somebody named Denny, I hope this is a story about me after I discover time travel.

[–]derpdiddly 1 point2 points ago

" gran torino" kind of comes to mind when i hear this story

[–]kfijatass 0 points1 point ago

I always wished to own a cane/umbrella sword. Call me hipster but I always found this elegant and badass at the same time.
Anyone knows where to get one or how to make one?

[–]Kulotee 0 points1 point ago

New role model acquired.

[–]neuronalapoptosis 0 points1 point ago

I dont believe the story but it's still a good story!

[–]RugerRedhawk 1 point2 points ago

Talk about a corny story

[–]ADD_Booknerd -1 points0 points ago

Even if that story "ain't" true, I love it! Drunkish logic!

[–]dondon13 -1 points0 points ago

This is the most epic story I have read in quite some time

[–]Shanhaevel 0 points1 point ago

Never heard this before. Cool story, wish I had a friend like this...

[–]SourCreamWater 0 points1 point ago

I have never wanted a post to be true so badly.

I believe it could definitely happen. There's a thing called "old man power" and it's very real. Witnessing it is fucking great.

[–]koltur 0 points1 point ago

Blind Fury has a little in common with : Zatoichi

[–]Blame_The_Green 0 points1 point ago

One time I was in a conference room when my slimeball boss explained to us that the company was downsizing. We didn't know who was going to get the axe but we knew that it would hit some of us. One guy was a grizzly Vietnam vet and was just disgusted at how the management was handling the layoffs. They seemed to lack backbone and kept the staff on edge for weeks as they made up their minds on what do with people's careers.

In that conference room through his obvious contempt the Vietnam vet used the same line on the manager, "I've killed better men than you." I bet he had.

[–]lendavkaru 0 points1 point ago

FALSE. "I've killed men better than you" was too much . Sorry.

[–]Coboj 1 point2 points ago

also : repost

[–]impatiswim 0 points1 point ago

There's original content, then there's this repost.

[–]killiangray 0 points1 point ago

You make up a story about a guy who lives above a diner, and you name him Denny? Really??

Is the main character in your story about a hamburger restaurant named Carl, Jr.?

[–]Magrias 1 point2 points ago

[–]I-simply-refuse-_- 0 points1 point ago

I WANT THAT CANE!!

[–]frowgferd 0 points1 point ago

and that's how stories are written.

[–]LunaFaye44 0 points1 point ago

My god that is one of the best stories I've ever heard! You are so lucky to have become friends with a man like that :) I love those kinds of people :3

[–]KingEllis 1 point2 points ago

With a timestamp that says 03/10/09, you can never tell if the repost is 2, 3, or 9 years old. But yeah, it is that old, and we've heard it.

[–]Mrjohnnyray 0 points1 point ago

Hey calls op peach because he knows she will bruise like a peach when he eventually beats her to death

[–]Mr_I_Know -1 points0 points ago

I've read this story before, but the awesome factor is still in full effect. i have a fiend that denny reminds me of. VERY mysterious fellow. calls himself Mr. E (Mystery) no one knows his history or real name. and he acts like he's from the 20's and holds that personality very well. not sure if crazy or time traveler. will post pic for proof upon request.

[–]gnudarve 0 points1 point ago

You bitches need to Google Zatoichi.

[–]BaronScarpia 1 point2 points ago

That's pretty harsh for a guy who pays for his coffee with stories...

[–]kadrmas45 0 points1 point ago

I was anticipating, "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!!!"

[–]Fonzfactor 0 points1 point ago

I want to give you two up items for that....can we make that a thing?

[–]Fonzfactor 0 points1 point ago

Up votes...damn you autocorrect

[–]ForeverMarried 1 point2 points ago

thanks for the virus

[–]alexhoyer 0 points1 point ago

Come on wait at least a month before shamelessly reposting

[–]575_haiku 0 points1 point ago

Denny the swordsman
defends baristas honor.
Modern Errol Flynn.

[–]jfatt 0 points1 point ago

Never happened.

[–]yinoryang 0 points1 point ago

LPT: Threaten strangers with a sword to get free coffee for life!

[–]myocardia 0 points1 point ago

"...then there's this guy."

Do you really recon the old bird calls a dude "peach?"

[–]ldane 0 points1 point ago

"There's only one way in and way out, and its through me mothafucka!" (Cock's cane)

[–]ErroneousOctopus 0 points1 point ago

Love sword canes.

Cane swords?

Eh, whatever.

[–]Prophet_Muhammad_phd 0 points1 point ago

Smell that? You smell that? Repost, son. Nothing else in the world smells like that. I love the smell of repost in the morning.

[–]BEEF_BALOGNA 0 points1 point ago

I'm sitting in Panera Bread eating a sandwich browsing /r/funny, and now i'm really disappointed that nothing that cool happened today.

[–]guido32 0 points1 point ago

Are there honestly people on the interwebs that have never seen this story?? wow!

[–]Crucks 1 point2 points ago

i don't care if its true or not this is a pretty good little story.

[–]st_calliope 0 points1 point ago

I've killed better men than you.

[–]AJam 0 points1 point ago

did he pay for his refill?

[–]blankfist 0 points1 point ago

There's awesome, then there's violent threat of murder.

[–]jonscotts 0 points1 point ago

I have seen this post so many goddamn times.

[–]nrokreffefp -1 points0 points ago

Retarded story. If an old man even started to draw a sword cane on anyone in reasonable shape, they would simply take it from him before it left the sheath. This is some cheap Hollywood style writing.

[–]LankyDrummer 0 points1 point ago

Lies!

[–]Patrick16 0 points1 point ago

reposts...

[–]backfromhospital 0 points1 point ago

Asshole gets a gun out and shoots Denny. He shoots the waitress so he doesn'T leave any witness behind. The end.

[–]viking_ 1 point2 points ago

I found out what I want to be when I grow up.

[–]TeslaBoyGangsta 0 points1 point ago

I really wanted it to end with Bel Air.

[–]parkertonsloanworth 1 point2 points ago

Denny crane....

[–]Ontopourmama 0 points1 point ago

Excuse me, waitress! This coffee smells like bullshit.

[–]Cupk8 0 points1 point ago

Thanks for posting a malicious URL. Nice job

[–]Batfart77 0 points1 point ago

I love the smell of bullshit in the morning...wait, no I don't...boo this fool!

[–]brownstoned 0 points1 point ago

The story sounds better if you read it with Michael Caine's voice.

[–]BK_Whatever 0 points1 point ago

Nice to see this repost is still floating around.

[–]Teh_Shakes 0 points1 point ago

That's fucking epic! There are people out there that do such things an that's what so cool about the story. Love it!!!

[–]bestredhead 0 points1 point ago

I started a slow clap... only to realize I was alone.

[–]Great_Gig_In_The_Sky 0 points1 point ago

There are people who aren't faggots and then there's OP.

[–]Jean-Baptiste1763 0 points1 point ago

Please keep on reposting this, I read it each time with pleasure.

[–]ThickRick 1 point2 points ago

I think Denny is future Mario, and his old habits of protecting "Peach" still come out.

[–]Rasta_Man69 0 points1 point ago

There's original posts, then there's this post.

[–]letorrie 0 points1 point ago

so we pretty much go to the same school...

[–]ZeroAssassin 0 points1 point ago

Nice, this hasn't been posted thousands of times.

[–]ElPotatoDiablo 0 points1 point ago

Certainly if it's posted on 4chan it must be true.

[–]slackerboy17 1 point2 points ago

Can you post a picture of denny and his cane?

[–]junkaccount1 0 points1 point ago

I got a virus alert on that site, just FYI

[–]Shorckz 1 point2 points ago

Am I the only one who imagines Denny as Micheal Cane in Harry Brown? The accent and all, don't know why.

[–]AssClapper 0 points1 point ago

Wat

[–]tuolisipuli 1 point2 points ago

I vote Denny for the king of the universe!

[–]Dirtydirtdirt 0 points1 point ago

If you like old 4chan posts like this, Check out /r/classic4chan

[–]Jack_1807 0 points1 point ago

Well.Now,I want him as a grandfather of mine.Why Reddit why ?

[–]llcbdavis 0 points1 point ago

amazing story. chivalry isnt dead after all. your friend is of a dying breed. you are lucky to know him. but you already knew that. thanks for an uplifting story

[–]smooothbuster 0 points1 point ago

id pay money to read the Tales of Denny

[–]trees_at_school 0 points1 point ago

Legen wait for it..........dary!

[–]TheYeags 0 points1 point ago

Owned.

[–]hisnamewaschaz 0 points1 point ago

similarly: there are original posts, and then there are yours.

[–]Danmonkey 0 points1 point ago

Hey look! Something that's actually older than fuck!

[–]ooli 0 points1 point ago

WHY IT DOESNT APPEAR IN REDDIT IN 3012 ????? WHY ??????

[–]lordnibbla 0 points1 point ago

[–]JefferyFrank 0 points1 point ago

Denny better get his motherfucking refill.

[–]maaaagua 1 point2 points ago

this story is so old i read it before i was born

[–]long_wang_big_balls 0 points1 point ago

I think this story shares a lot more with Alan Moore than just his looks. Sounds like a work of fiction too.

[–]suddenlyawildreddit 0 points1 point ago

this is a repost, saw this a few months ago

[–]IRSoup 0 points1 point ago

There's reposts, then there's this post.

[–]Robeast 0 points1 point ago

Both a gentlemen and a sir

[–]CasperMoon 0 points1 point ago

Anybody ever see a movie called "Batteries Not Included"?

[–]ElmanoNegro 0 points1 point ago

Denny, two is great, but three is a crowd.

[–]extelius 0 points1 point ago

If only this could be re-posted forever and ever and e... shoot me now.

[–]BlackFeign 0 points1 point ago

I see Denny is still holding strong after 50 reposts or so

[–]the_advice_line 0 points1 point ago

Thats not a knife, thats a spoon!

I see you've played knifey-spoony before!

[–]braedonkeebz 0 points1 point ago

Overly manly man in 30 years?

[–]fractal7 0 points1 point ago

Last time I read this it was a 5$ bill. At least peach is making more money as time goes on.

[–]All_upvotes 0 points1 point ago

slow clap...

Dear dad, I have a new hero.

[–]PdubsNWO 1 point2 points ago

Theres reposts, and then theres this.

[–]thuh_dood_man 0 points1 point ago

i logged in to up vote..absolutely amazing story.

[–]dillybro1 1 point2 points ago

Repost. How do they always get so much karma?

[–]Torek2142 0 points1 point ago

My antivirus REALLY hates this link

[–]Blargame 0 points1 point ago

I have several friends who get on 4chan, several on reddit, both of them bitch all day how the other steals posts from the other, isn't that we are doing right now?

[–]jaheiner 0 points1 point ago

I wish this was true....sadly I doubt it it.

[–]hamamah 0 points1 point ago

Repost

[–]dopestep 0 points1 point ago

this needs to be a clint eastwood movie

[–]Vanadoss 0 points1 point ago

Denny Cane!

[–]mrsrobinson 0 points1 point ago

Just thought I'd give a heads up. Maybe it's nothing, but my anti-virus went crazy when I clicked on this title.

[–]mrchicano209 0 points1 point ago

My anit-virus blocked the website. Is it safe?

[–]OnAnAxle 0 points1 point ago

He and some other kids went on a trip to italy and greece with People to People international. My friend from Arizona was obbsesed with knives and the such, and we came across a knife shop in greece. So in our free time, we headed over there to check out what they had. We hit the mother load. They had EVERYTHING. And due to the rules of the organization we traveled with, we could buy weapons. But we found a loophole. They offered to ship things back to the US. So, in the end, my friend bought 6 throwing knives, a butterfly knife, AND an awesome cane with a sword in it. And that is my relevant story of the day.

[–]Komik3396 0 points1 point ago

peach is a pretty feminine nickname...