this post was submitted on
1,491 points (54% like it)
8,993 up votes 7,502 down votes

AdviceAnimals

subscribe1,467,611 readers

1,618 users here now

An important message about Pocket Whales from a preeminent Marine Biologist

Welcome to r/AdviceAnimals

Sound advice from animals anything!

Rules

  • We're here to have a laugh, don't get too serious.

  • Follow the general Advice Animal format. Two line setup or a pinwheel background

  • No reposts, if you didn't make it, don't post it.

  • No verticals, staredad, or batman slapping comics. At all.

  • No posting memes you saw in real life.

  • Don't make memes about your friends in real life. Ever.

  • Shortened links (tinyurl, bit.ly, etc.) are not trusted by the spamfilter and will be automatically removed. Please refrain from using them.

Making Memes

Visit:

or use

  1. Please keep the 'advice' relevant to the character. If you're not sure, go to knowyourmeme.com.

  2. If you'd like to use AdviceAnimals in your comments, here's how.

Messaging the mods

  1. We are always happy to help. Please attach a link to the comments of your submission and a description of the question/problem you are having.

  2. If you can't see your submission in the new queue and think it has been filtered as spam, please double check that your new queue is ranked by new and not rising.

  3. If you still think it is in the spam filter, don’t delete your submission, message the mods instead. Deleting it will make the spam filter more likely to filter you next time you post.

  4. click here to message the moderators

  5. click here to request a new flair to be made

You might also enjoy:

Our Family

and Friends

Good Guy Gregs check the new queue


created by mesutima community for

reddit is a source for what's new and popular online. vote on links that you like or dislike and help decide what's popular, or submit your own! learn more ›

all 165 comments

[–]UndercoverPotato 90 points91 points ago

Only thirty-seven? I'm going to need some proof of that.

[–]Yugiah 165 points166 points ago

pulls out shoebox

[–]VinRayd 113 points114 points ago

Takes off cumderwear.

[–]studmuffffffin 54 points55 points ago

Cumderwear. That's a new one. Is that like cumboxers?

[–]shampoocell 45 points46 points ago

I'm not even going to link you. Just be glad you missed that post.

[–]ra4king 8 points9 points ago

Give us the link! Give us the link! Give us the link!

[–]theonlychad 17 points18 points ago

Ask and ye shall receive! CLICK IF YE DARE!

[–]ra4king 27 points28 points ago

OH GOD THE LINK WAS ALREADY PURPLE!

[–]theonlychad 15 points16 points ago

[–]Tirawi 0 points1 point ago

This and the previous are the two riskiest links one could click while in class. For now, they stay blue.

Edit: FUCK THAT FIRST LINK. FUCK IT TO HELL.

[–]mackinoncougars 6 points7 points ago

The link is purple, but your balls are blue.

[–]ra4king 4 points5 points ago

NOOOOO NOT THE BLUE BALLS! YOU DAMN BASTARD!

has nightmares for the rest of life

[–]GeneralRectum 0 points1 point ago

Green balls.

[–]Cegrocks 1 point2 points ago

And I still clicked it!

[–]KembaWakaFlocka 0 points1 point ago

I'm not sure how I should feel about that picture.

[–]IHateTape 0 points1 point ago

WHY THE FUCK DID I RELIVE THIS LINK WHILE EATING?!?!?!?!

[–]bourbonman312 0 points1 point ago

Yep, almost puked. Thanks!

[–]Deagle_Shitter 0 points1 point ago

Didn't think it could be any worse. It was... it was orange and hairy!

[–]scorpion347 0 points1 point ago

I almost threw up.... I've never actually seen something that has made me feel like that. Desenseitizatio... 97% complete.

[–]BeezAweez 0 points1 point ago

You don't want it. Trust me.

[–]studmuffffffin 14 points15 points ago

Is it a new one? I saw the cumboxers.

[–]GoodBacon 1 point2 points ago

Wait oh god I'm going to regret this... I saw the cumbox but have never heard of this cumderwear. What pray-tell is a Cumderwear? I'm going to need another drink aren't I?

[–]carl2point6 0 points1 point ago

Its exactly what it sounds like. Longer period of time though I do believe. If you view it, one more drink isnt going to help

[–]GoodBacon 0 points1 point ago

Oh dear lord... and I'm already several drinks in so I'm a little too brave for my own good right now

[–]TehWut 2 points3 points ago

please, please dont do it. Please man, just go home and spend some time with your family

[–]Nachotime 6 points7 points ago

opens desk drawer

[–]casual_pREDDITOR 9 points10 points ago

All thirty-seven times happened today.

[–]BeezAweez 2 points3 points ago

Gonna be sore tomorrow...

[–]xNocturne 0 points1 point ago

Today.

[–]17Hongo 52 points53 points ago

No fap September? I can understand why we would hold No Fap February - the alliteration makes it work as a title. No Fap September sounds like someone set himself a dare and tried to get others in on it. I actually didn't do too badly for this, since I was away for half the month sharing a room with other people.

[–]redgroupclan 21 points22 points ago

Have to keep alliterations going. I propose changing No Fap September to No Sex September.

[–]wolfgame 27 points28 points ago

No Stroke September

[–]Danny_Bomber 33 points34 points ago

No Jack-off January No Fap February No Masturbation March No Autofellatio April No moving the joystick May No Jerking it June No Jizz July No Asexual reproduction August No Spanking the Monkey September No One hand work out October No Nut November No Diddling December

edit: see below comment, mixed up phrases.

[–]tombone66 5 points6 points ago

I always heard the phrase as "Spanking the monkey"

[–]SilentLettersSuck 6 points7 points ago

April is going to suck.

[–]friday6700 4 points5 points ago

Not by itself, anyway

[–]acespace 1 point2 points ago

Assrape April!

[–]Tagid 7 points8 points ago

I'd win every year.

[–]redgroupclan 1 point2 points ago

Probably the reason it isn't a thing is because a lot of people would win it effortlessly.

[–]ShatterWulf 9 points10 points ago

Fuck that!

[–]redgroupclan 33 points34 points ago

Let's face it - you were doing it anyway.

[–]theoneandonlyMrMars 6 points7 points ago

Actually, you wouldn't be fucking anything

[–]iamnotacola 3 points4 points ago

Currently winning No Sex Eternity

[–]17Hongo 0 points1 point ago

Well, there is a "No Shave November" thing - maybe that would do better in September? I don't know really - it's more widely recognised due to it's connections with cancer charities than months that lonely men dedicate to not wanking themselves to sleep every night.

[–]Jag14 1 point2 points ago

Also known as "Mo'vember" so that sorta works.

[–]marksills 0 points1 point ago

dude i tried that this month and succeeded! it was so hard!

[–]TaffyMonster 0 points1 point ago

No Nookie November?

[–]threecolorless 0 points1 point ago

I did it! That was easy!

[–]MartyredWretch 3 points4 points ago

I always just thought it was fap free february for some reason; Not sure why.

[–]17Hongo 0 points1 point ago

I really don't think we need to quibble over the exact term.

[–]noslocos 1 point2 points ago

No Fap November has a better ring to it IMO.

[–]iWrecksauce 0 points1 point ago

Also February is the shortest month.

[–]dosophil 0 points1 point ago

No Faptember?

[–]Gougeru 50 points51 points ago

I fapped about an average of 6 times a day, sometimes more. So I probably masturbated around 180 times this month.

I am not joking.

[–]idk112345 24 points25 points ago

jesus christ 6 times a day? How old are you? I could pull that off when I was 14, but now my dick starts hurting after the second time, so I usually leave it at one or two rounds a day or even skip a day if I'm feeling like it. I feel so impotent browsing reddit.

[–]GeppettoLied 22 points23 points ago

I'm 21 and the rawness only adds to the pleasure.

[–]Gougeru 9 points10 points ago

Eighteen. I just do it if I get a boner.

[–]ceezirr 6 points7 points ago

Which is every hour?

[–]Gougeru 2 points3 points ago

Well, sometimes I peak to 10-12 times a day. I just said "on average" because I don't count how many times I masturbate a day, but it's probably a little bit more than 6 a day.

[–]Uniboximus 6 points7 points ago

Don't you start shooting blanks after the first few?

[–]Gougeru 16 points17 points ago

You guys seem to be really interested with me masturbating

[–]friday6700 5 points6 points ago

Shut up and answer our persistant queries about your penis.

[–]aidaman 4 points5 points ago

YOUR POINT???

[–]gammatide 1 point2 points ago

As someone who masturbated about 10 times a day for three weeks while my girlfriend was in Iowa, yes.

[–]lol-da-mar-s-cool 1 point2 points ago

I'm sorry,

but there is something fucking wrong with this picture.

[–]JDSmith90 0 points1 point ago

Sounds about right. Seems like a lot when you put it that way.

[–]GoodBacon 0 points1 point ago

Fuck I've never thought about it like that... Trying not to do math right now is WAY harder than trying to do math in high school ever was

[–]the_fatal_cure 1 point2 points ago

Some of those problems were real stiff.

[–]spacehicks 0 points1 point ago

I was going to pretty much say the same. Didn't even realise no gap November was a thing.

[–]chronox21 0 points1 point ago

Seriously? I feel bad if I do it more then 3 times a week...but 6 times a day?

[–]LaughterAndChaos 28 points29 points ago

in a row?

[–]elralpho 26 points27 points ago

Try not to fap on the way through the parking lot!

[–]FearofPunctuation 15 points16 points ago

hey you, get back here

[–]wolfgame 5 points6 points ago

I'm gonna go fap in a very uncomfortable place ...

[–]alienelement 4 points5 points ago

What, like the back of a Volkswagen?

[–]realdrizzy13 19 points20 points ago

What is this no fap Sptember?

[–]billyzero 30 points31 points ago

You don't fap in september.

[–]Thorssa 30 points31 points ago

Pretty sure I did...

[–]sparx483 2 points3 points ago

[–]feartrich 0 points1 point ago

There was a study that showed that testosterone increase levels the less you masturbate, so a bunch of people decided that wouldn't masturbate for as long as possible and created r/nofap. The "No Fap" months are their festivals so to speak...

[–]4905ab 10 points11 points ago

what relly happens at the end of no fap september http://imgur.com/qTOOS

[–]friday6700 1 point2 points ago

That's not really insanity wolf. Jerking off a shit-ton's more up the frogs alley.

[–]CurReign 9 points10 points ago

I actually didn't fap at all this month and I had no idea this was going on. In fact, I'm still going on no fap 2012, I didn't fap at all in 2011, and I plan on continuing to not fap into 2013 and on. I'm not kidding.

[–]deep_anal 12 points13 points ago

Don't worry, i'll fap enough for the both of us.

[–]CurReign 6 points7 points ago

Thanks man, you're a true friend.

[–]wrt89 2 points3 points ago

do you have like concerns about fapping? Or just not interested?

[–]CurReign 1 point2 points ago

Concerns? Like do I think it's going to make me blind or something? No. I just prefer not to do it.

[–]TGreens 2 points3 points ago

Here's the real question: how often do you get laid?

[–]CurReign 0 points1 point ago

Never.

[–]TGreens 1 point2 points ago

T-that's...impossible.

[–]Shizly 0 points1 point ago

So how do you prevent your dick from exploding?

[–]CurReign 0 points1 point ago

Well, sometimes my dick takes matters into its own hands while I'm sleeping.

[–]dosophil 0 points1 point ago

Does it get easier not to do it the longer it goes on for?

[–]CurReign 0 points1 point ago

It does in my experience. At this point, it's extremely rare for me to even feel like doing it. I get kinda uncomfortable sometimes, but it doesn't even come close to that level. I think there have been like two occasions this year when i actually felt like doing it. That feeling used to last for a few days, really sucks, but these past couple times I have been able to stop it within the same day it started.

[–]dosophil 1 point2 points ago

Okay. fair play to you then. You are a living legend. But what made you decide to do it in the first place?

[–]badmonkey0001[!] 5 points6 points ago

[–]whiterungaurd 1 point2 points ago

2:08 i bet you money he got the change wrong in some way.

[–]ifap2impress 6 points7 points ago

37? IN A ROW???

[–]kenba2099 9 points10 points ago

Yep, my urethra collapsed like a poorly dug prison tunnel.

[–]marnyroad 2 points3 points ago

Since last night, I'm assuming.

[–]qjkxkcd 0 points1 point ago

Oh, I thought you meant today.

[–]pwnyrainbow 1 point2 points ago

i stopped counting after the second of september

[–]lookininin 1 point2 points ago

when does this no fapping you speak of start?

[–]ceezirr 1 point2 points ago

Already came to an end..

[–]lookininin 1 point2 points ago

haha i know. im joking.

[–]GeoD6 0 points1 point ago

That is an oddly specific number.

[–]dacotahd 0 points1 point ago

lost count, starting over at .....1

[–]pundemic 1 point2 points ago

In a row?

[–]homeless_man_jogging 0 points1 point ago

You've had a busy day.

[–]VicariousWolf 0 points1 point ago

You kept a tally?

[–]whiterungaurd 0 points1 point ago

37/30=1.333 (repeating) that means you fapped one and one third every day/night of September.

[–]wolfgame 2 points3 points ago

Tried to go for the immediate follow-up and fell asleep mid-fap.

[–]boveah 0 points1 point ago

More like in the last week

[–]Not_A_Triceratops 0 points1 point ago

I only did it 6 times.

[–]Shitty-Opinion 0 points1 point ago

march madness anyone?

[–]EroTaka 0 points1 point ago

Edit: 38. Lol

[–]urukhai434 0 points1 point ago

i believed OP forgot to put in something: per day

[–]lugabiel 0 points1 point ago

Today, isn't it?

[–]nephalem2012 -1 points0 points ago

I'm starting to think the whole no-fap september is a gimmick to get karma at the end of the month by cashing in these memes.... BRILLIANT. I'm going to get right on that.

[–]kouriichi 1 point2 points ago

I heard about No Fap September the same day my "Eroge Lovers" game collection arrived in the mail. While i cannot boast about my lack of fapping, i can say that ive gained an appreciation for well detailed 3d models.

[–]CreedoNauxus 1 point2 points ago

In a row!?

[–]Britches_and_Hose 0 points1 point ago

I probably masturbated more that that... And I feel damn good about it.

[–]libgamr 0 points1 point ago

...in a row!?

[–]iamnotacola 1 point2 points ago

Well I only relapsed four times. That's not bad I guess.

[–]donlucido 0 points1 point ago

funny because there is only 30 days

[–]One10soldier1 0 points1 point ago

What?...Why?... Oh... Religion...Got it...

[–]Bticky1 0 points1 point ago

Totally Failed....

Twice.

[–]LikeADroid 0 points1 point ago

Wait, thats all? more like 57...

[–]nwhitney 0 points1 point ago

Sounds about right.

[–]seabyrd81 0 points1 point ago

u were able to keep track?

[–]bigman250 0 points1 point ago

Only twice, for a teenage boy not so bad.

[–]Underbubble 0 points1 point ago

Sounds about right for me.

Honesty is the best policy.

[–]thisguy93 0 points1 point ago

60+ at least

[–]yourmom3211 1 point2 points ago

I'm proud to say I lasted until September 2nd.

[–]amaier17 0 points1 point ago

Per day!?

[–]Ebby86 0 points1 point ago

Who masturbates anymore? :/

[–]hardstyle_music -1 points0 points ago

Am I the only one who masturbates only 1-2 times a week?

[–]criticalmassdriver 0 points1 point ago

I have made it through no fap september. Thanks to my gf having sex with me every day. Except for one week which was tough but I made it.

[–]LubricatedVibrator 0 points1 point ago

It's No Fap November, and always will be.

[–]ABigHairyMonkey 0 points1 point ago

today.

[–]your_moms_penis 0 points1 point ago

Try not to jerk off in the way through the parking lot!

[–]R0mme1 0 points1 point ago

on the last day of september

[–]pancakefiesta 0 points1 point ago

i see you've been counting.

[–]GuyThatSaysDumb -1 points0 points ago

Dumb

[–]jea15001 0 points1 point ago

Really, without even acknowledging NFS, I probably fapped 3 times. 16yo male. whatever.

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]OrbitalVenatus -4 points-3 points ago

thatsthejoke.TIFF

[–]igetthatreference -2 points-1 points ago

HAHAHA! EES FUNNY BECAUSE SEPTEMBER HAS MORE THAN 37 DAAAYS!!!!!

[–]not_much_better 0 points1 point ago

Magic trick: Ask someone to pick a random number between 1 and 50 that is odd. They will likely say 37.

Think of a vegetable:...... Carrot.

Think of two shapes, like a square: they will likely say triangle and circle (they won't say square because you just said it.)

Most people I ask give these answers! :)

[–]hctazpalmer -3 points-2 points ago

who the hell counts how many times they masterbate

[–]dreamawake -5 points-4 points ago

LMAO. 37 times!

Makes me feel good about my number. Are you ready for it? TWO TIMES. I've only fapped two times this month! which is a personal record!

[–]MyUncleFuckedMe 0 points1 point ago

Cool.

[–]dreamawake 0 points1 point ago

If it's cool why do I have -4 points for sharing my joy?