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all 67 comments

[–]edavid21 34 points35 points ago

I read somewhere that there is a book about Jesus when he was younger where this actually happened. I think it was on cracked.com or something about 3 books from the bible that we never hear about.

[–]Deadly_Lust 29 points30 points ago

So wait, the bible supports dragons?

I'm sold.

[–]Rheket 44 points45 points ago

TIL I'm religious.

[–]blaghart 3 points4 points ago

why yes, yes it does. The only image of satan from the bible describes him as a seven headed dragon.

[–]Probydoby 2 points3 points ago

Or a lizard.

inb4 snake, no they were lizards back then because they still had feet. Because of the lizard's insolence to become possessed by Lucifer it was cursed to be feetless for the rest of it's life.

[–]blaghart -3 points-2 points ago

um no, it was a snake. there's no mention of whether it actually had limbs, just that it was cursed to crawl on its belly afterwards as punishment.

not to mention lucifer wasn't the snake, that's a modern interpretation. the literal hebrew describes the snake as being independant of lucifer.

[–]Probydoby 4 points5 points ago

Well being cursed to crawl on it's belly does imply it had limbs before. Unless it was a hover snake.

[–]blaghart 0 points1 point ago

maybe it flew? that's why it was in the tree, it was a flyer that could only land on tree branches.

[–]Umpa 0 points1 point ago

There's the Legend of St. George, but that's not a Bible story.

[–]sietai 10 points11 points ago

Here's the passage in case anyone's wondering: http://www.jesus-is-savior.com/End%20of%20the%20World/dragons_in_the_bible.htm

It's a real shame the cut it out.

[–]shadmere 16 points17 points ago

Everything in that link is in the Bible. Right now.

Nothing was "cut out" of the Bible, anyway. Not like you're describing. There have been a lot of different versions and translations of various texts, and some have fairly large differences. And there have been a lot of books that were never canonized into the Bible. But saying that it was "cut out" would be like buying Time Life's Great Literature of the 20th Century and then complaining that they "cut out" a book. They didn't cut anything out. They just didn't include it.

Jesus was extremely popular in some groups, and a lot of stories were written about him. Some of these stories were almost believable, many of them were absurd (even by the standards of the time). Lots of them were popular, but had no significant backing in higher places. Take the Infancy Gospel of James. Awesome book, lots of hilarious stories about Jesus as a kid. It was very popular. But there's little evidence that people took it that seriously. It pretty much never had any real backing among the church leaders, and even the common folk didn't read it because they thought it was necessarily true. They thought it was cool, more than anything else.

Then you've got the books that argue with other books, sometimes directly. I mean, the modern Bible has a lot of contradictions as it is, but nothing compared to this. Some Christians thought that Jesus was sent by the "real" God to help us rise up and defeat the fake God of the Hebrews, whose real name was Yaldabaoth, and who was basically a Lovecraftian horror. Proto-orthodox Christians thought this was crazy. But at the time, there was serious competition between the two ideas.

Obviously, a lot of their texts didn't agree with each other. But you can't say that the winning group "cut out" the losing group's texts. They never believed in those texts in the first place!

The Bible is not, and should not be, considered a single, cohesive book, that can have chapters "cut out" of it. It's a collection of books, many which refer to other books contained in the Bible, others of which argue with some of those books, and still others which are re-writes and expansions of other books. (Matthew is a re-write of Mark, for example, that includes more "wise quotes from Jesus" and also changes a few things.) But the books have to be taken in the context of what they individually as well as what they are as part of a whole.

No one "wrote the Bible." Each book was written by a person, who drew upon other books he had read and stories he had heard. Each book was probably changed at some point, during copying, and there were likely multiple versions circulating around. One of these was popular/lucky enough to become the "main" version. Later books were written by people who, in many cases, had read the earlier books, and wanted to elaborate or comment on part of them. A lot of these never made it anywhere. Some managed to make it into the "bible" themselves.

This post is mostly concerning the New Testament. The Hebrew Bible is similar in many places, but I'm pretty sure that it actually does have some passages that were written by committee.

[–]sietai 1 point2 points ago

After reviewing the link, you are absolutely correct.

The link I had meant to include was a passage where Jesus had stopped dragons from attacking. This passage had indeed been taken out of any recent version of the bible.

[–]ANAL_QUEEN 12 points13 points ago

Maybe we'll get it on the director's cut.

[–]heracleides 1 point2 points ago

Seven heads and ten horns? Either penises or unicorns?

[–]Spaghe-t 4 points5 points ago

twas indeed on cracked....he also murdered children in his child years.

[–]AdonisChrist 6 points7 points ago

yeah but who doesn't?

[–]Spaghe-t -2 points-1 points ago

Well...me...if that's a start.

[–]SidTheSperm 0 points1 point ago

Whoosh

[–]cleverseneca 0 points1 point ago

that would be the gospel of Thomas that was never really even in the running to be apart of the Canon of the Bible.

[–]Spaghe-t 0 points1 point ago

The article was called "Bible verses that never made the cut" or something similar maybe "Bible excerpts that almost made it in" or something...

[–]AdmiralUpboat 0 points1 point ago

The best section from that cracked article is about the infant gospel of Thomas. Link

[–]smallsmerry01 0 points1 point ago

No, they are not books of the bible, they were written but deemed untrue for a variety of reasons

[–]lol_nooo___okmaybe 0 points1 point ago

It used to be in the book of Daniel until the earlier sects of the church decided against it being in their bible. look up the story of Bel and the Dragon. or better yet, here is the wikipedia link

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bel_and_the_Dragon

[–]flushdaily 8 points9 points ago

[–]macgyverftw 13 points14 points ago

[–]WaffleWarrior64 13 points14 points ago

Oh god

This is beautiful

[–]giantmonkey2 9 points10 points ago

The best part of this are the people who take this site too seriously.

[–]fack9gag 3 points4 points ago

An excerpt from one post; "U are so pathetic, do you have nothing better to do with your life? U are going to hell for dis..." lol wut.

[–]giantmonkey2 0 points1 point ago

They don't understand why the guy, or the whole internet for that matter, does things like this. It's for the lol's

[–]bitcheslovedroids 3 points4 points ago

Who needs heaven when you got swag?

This is glorious

[–]incer 1 point2 points ago

Outrageous! We should attack an embassy!

[–]macgyverftw 0 points1 point ago

Sweden?

[–]Taodyn 2 points3 points ago

This actually did happen. See, the bible is just a carefully chosen sample of stories from various "eye witnesses". Matthew, yes, the same Matthew from the bible, wrote about a time when Jesus actually stopped a group of dragons from attacking Mary, Joseph, and a group of children.

It's in the Apocrypha of Matthew.

[–]Probydoby 1 point2 points ago

That story was just a miss communication. What he actually said was: Hey guys, I just saw Jesus with a bunch of drag queens.

[–]SquirrelWithAShotgun 8 points9 points ago

C'mon dude, don't repost!

[–]Jzadek 17 points18 points ago

Clearly 56 people have either not seen it before or don't care.

[–]RedRing14 3 points4 points ago

So what if its a repost some of us haven't seen the thing before. Just upvote or down vote and move on.

[–]SquirrelWithAShotgun -3 points-2 points ago

"So what if we repost" You're dead to me.....

[–]RedRing14 1 point2 points ago

Point is why waste your time pointing out its a repost. Honestly there isn't much oc out there. When you find it people blast the op because "that's not funny!" Not everyone has seen everything the Internet has to offer. Yes a repost is bad if in the same day you see it like 10 times but "this was on here 2 months ago how dare you repost" is ridiculous.

[–]andmancan 5 points6 points ago

Put this shit in /r/atheists

[–]fack9gag -2 points-1 points ago

By that logic, that guy who just put himself with a fake beard should post it to /r/pics instead of here. Actually, I like your logic.

[–]MrIslander 0 points1 point ago

That would be the best church sermon ever. I would take a break from planning my reaction when an armed gunman breaks in to listen to that.

[–]Iamducky 3 points4 points ago

I'VE SEEN THIS BEFORE

I DON'T EVER WANT TO SEE IT AGAIN

[–]Ninety9 2 points3 points ago

I can't help but think that if Jesus says he fought a dragon, then he fought one. Who the fuck is some random priest to tell Jesus what did and didn't happen?

[–]J_Diz_My_Kiz 0 points1 point ago

This is older than Jesus.

[–]quarbayemn 0 points1 point ago

There is a dragon in the book of Revelations.

[–]sittty 1 point2 points ago

is that James Quall?

[–]metathesis 0 points1 point ago

I tried reading Revelations, the Christian end of the world prophecy, this shit happened. He freaking decapitates it.

[–]savagebeaver 1 point2 points ago

Go home Jesus your drunk.

[–]savagebeaver 1 point2 points ago

Go home Jesus your drunk.

[–]eyereport 0 points1 point ago

Stop posting stuff from other sites without attribution.

[–]broforce -1 points0 points ago

circle jerk is leaking.

[–]fluxaxion -1 points0 points ago

Hatsune Miku killed Jesus 14.96 trillion years ago, in the war of the gods. She is currently supreme commander. Obey Overlord Miku. Side Note: She has a Jesus skinned rug in her living room.

[–]LFcool -2 points-1 points ago

Atheism is leaking again...

[–]Fleshgod 4 points5 points ago

How the fuck does this have anything to do with atheism?

[–]Angeldust01 -1 points0 points ago

Obviously, only atheists would be crass enough to make jokes about our lord and saviour.

[–]Sparkvoltage 1 point2 points ago

Nowhere is it bashing religion/god. So tell me again why this is an atheistic post or are you just so bent on associating any religious joke to atheism?

[–]empwillkill -5 points-4 points ago

doesnt this belong in /r atheism or something?

[–]tbell324 -2 points-1 points ago

almost funny

[–]herpesmyderpes 0 points1 point ago

Repost of a repost of a reposted repost. Srsly though I've never seen this.