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top 200 commentsshow all 262

[–]kittywitch9 273 points274 points ago

love how the other the dog is like I'm not even going to acknowledge your dumbassery.

[–]llydecke 106 points107 points ago

Seriously. I imagine him saying, "How are we related? Honestly."

[–]Linkzor24 28 points29 points ago

Plot twist: They aren't.

[–]omeyy 18 points19 points ago

plot twist: they're married.

[–]TheyCallMeStone 13 points14 points ago

Plot twist: these are all human attributes that don't apply to dogs.

[–]riqk 24 points25 points ago

Dogs can't be related?

[–]themanfromreddit 30 points31 points ago

He's saying they can't be married. Like cousins and gay people.

[–]kittywitch9 15 points16 points ago

Plot Twist: Marrying your cousin is legal in more states than gay marriage.

Edit: Typo

[–]knightofmars 3 points4 points ago

Oh boy, I just imagined a gay couple who are cousins, getting married. How could that be wrong?!

[–]kittywitch9 1 point2 points ago

Even better, gay dog cousins getting married.

[–]shutupjoey 1 point2 points ago

That bitch.

[–]9ren 13 points14 points ago

Slow and steady wins the race motherfucker.

\celebrating my cakeday with profanity.

[–]IKilledChronos 0 points1 point ago

http://i.imgur.com/S37DQ.jpg

Edit: apologies for the bad screen cap

[–]aiden93 65 points66 points ago

One of my dogs did the same thing recently... twice. And the door doesn't even have a doggy door for her.

[–]McBurger 26 points27 points ago

My dogs always make such a big deal over who gets out/in the door first. They fight and trample one another and will do exactly what the black dog here did. I know it's some dominance thing but seriously? Y'all gotta kill eachother over who gets to go first?

[–]Tordek 20 points21 points ago

Shotgun!

[–]johnnymix 20 points21 points ago

The pack leader always goes first.

[–]VCavallo 5 points6 points ago

These two clearly have not yet elected the leader.

[–]RommelTJ 7 points8 points ago

You should always make sure you are the first one in and out of the house as basic obedience training.

[–]oobey 9 points10 points ago

Even when I'm just letting them go into the backyard?

Man, what a drag, I don't want to have to go outside every time my dogs do...

[–]RommelTJ 4 points5 points ago

I don't know, I'm not a dog trainer or anything like that, but before I used to do that, if I went to say a public park with my dogs, they would run all over the place and it was difficult to stop them. After I did that, the dogs still get excited, but they tend to follow me more. They will still run after stuff though, and I'm guessing that is because I wasn't consistent enough during their puppy years.

[–]shadybrainfarm 0 points1 point ago

Nah just have them sit and wait while you open the door, then release them to go once it's open.

[–]Touching_Cloth 0 points1 point ago

My dog has always done that automatically. I'll have him on the leash to go outside and every door we hit he stops and waits for me to go through first. I didn't know what his deal was.

[–]NotGreg 300 points301 points ago

COMING IN HOT

[–]Uncoolio 124 points125 points ago

Negative Ghost Rider. The pattern is full.

[–]illaqueable 65 points66 points ago

Goose, I'm gonna buzz the tower

[–]mikek3 13 points14 points ago

You'll be flying a cargo plane full of rubber dog shit out of Hong Kong!

[–]lebowskisweater 24 points25 points ago

What do you wanna do? Just drop down on the tile and go for it?

[–]joedel311 20 points21 points ago

Actually, I had this counter in mind.

[–]Battletooth 7 points8 points ago

While that counter is quite nice, it leaves much to be desired when matched against the chairs.

[–]THEsolid85 3 points4 points ago

That's right... Ice... man. I am dangerous.

[–]mohawk75 5 points6 points ago

GREAT BALLS OF FIRE!

[–]CaptainKilljoy 6 points7 points ago

So, are we done here?

[–]cynognathus 8 points9 points ago

[–]oysterpirate 0 points1 point ago

I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you.

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]The_Voice1 3 points4 points ago

Yeeee haw great balls of fire!

[–]mikek3 2 points3 points ago

You can be my wingman any day.

[–]dhaft88 36 points37 points ago

You sick son of a bastard, it's anytime.

Why did you have to do this? You don't just go halfcocked when you're quotin classics.

If you're not sure then don't touch it man, just walk away.

[–]Silversol99 6 points7 points ago

Your ego is writing checks your body can't cash.

International version: Your ego is writing cheques your body can't cash.

[–]mikek3 5 points6 points ago

LOL

[–]dub47 3 points4 points ago

Bullshit...

...you can be mine. (bro hug)

[–]CrystalKU 0 points1 point ago

I just realized that I always thought this quote was "ghostwriter" like the awesome TV show. Oh my.

[–]Linkzor24 5 points6 points ago

EH HEE HEE HEE HEE.

[–]RainbowInTheTrunk 2 points3 points ago

In my head it sounded just like Scooby

[–]majikstranger 3 points4 points ago

Last one in is a doucheba...KERPLONK!!!!

[–]mluedke 172 points173 points ago

LEEEERRRROOOYYYYYY JEEEENNNNNKKK....thud........ nevermind.

[–]lightow 9 points10 points ago

That'll be a -50 dkp!

[–]Swanzy_Style 3 points4 points ago

FIFTY DKP MINUS

[–]poompt -1 points0 points ago

FEEFTEE

[–]SpermWhale 31 points32 points ago

If that dog keeps doing it, it will become a pug.

[–]BassheadPanda 29 points30 points ago

That look of confusion afterwards...

[–]wellhushmypuppies 108 points109 points ago

don't you love how dogs do something like that and simply move on without missing a beat?

[–]Reingding13 32 points33 points ago

Dogs have very thick skulls.

Edit: Removed idiotic apostrophe.

[–]StoicGunner 16 points17 points ago

Especially pitbulls like these.

[–]10587comefindme 6 points7 points ago

yeah you can hit them in the head with a baseball bat and they think its a game.

[–]CurlyNippleHairs 4 points5 points ago

How do you know this.

[–]10587comefindme 10 points11 points ago

You are correct. Let me fix that.
I can hit a pit bull in the head with a baseball bat and they think its a game. You may be able to swing harder.

[–]TheyCallMeStone 2 points3 points ago

And little short-term memory.

[–]backgroundmusik 2 points3 points ago

Hah! My Jack Russel terrier hits her little head every time she runs under the coffee table... Yet she continues to do it. It hardly even phases her.

[–]Cybralisk 5 points6 points ago

Pitbulls are very tough, one of my friends broke a 2x4 over one of his pitbulls head to stop it from fighting his other pitbull and it didnt even notice it.

[–]cvtopher12 14 points15 points ago

Your friend is an asshole.

[–]bradthebard 5 points6 points ago

Yeah. He should have let them kill each other

[–]q1o2 -1 points0 points ago

Fuck yeah! 'Murica!

[–]cvtopher12 1 point2 points ago

Yes. Literally the only option to bring a dog under control is to bash its skull in with wood

[–]Madonkadonk 5 points6 points ago

Yeah, Vick is an asshole

[–]iseetrolledpeople 3 points4 points ago

Tell your friend to pich his balls next time. Seriously.

[–]Edgar_A_Poe 0 points1 point ago

My roommates have broken all our pool sticks because of our pit bulls fighting. Sucks cuz we can't even have them in the same room anymore. As soon as they see each other they fight.

[–]hoodedbob 24 points25 points ago

"After you..."

[–]jasonchristopher 28 points29 points ago

I love my pit, but he isn't exactly the smartest dog in the world.

[–]AllDesperadoStation 14 points15 points ago

Very high tolerance for pain.

[–]sandmam86 45 points46 points ago

If you're gona be dumb you better be tough.

[–]Iwokeupwithoutapillo 2 points3 points ago

That shit's profound

[–]92MsNeverGoHungry 0 points1 point ago

As an Army Medic, that's kind of my mantra.

[–]jasonchristopher 4 points5 points ago

Haha, very true. My dog runs into shit all the time. He barely notices.

[–]guidabida 1 point2 points ago

Same with my rotty. I love him to death, but he's a bumbling fool when he gets excited.

[–]Slc18 0 points1 point ago

My lab smacks her head on the floor every time she sneezes while lying down, does it over and over again, never thinks to sit up. I have to intervene or else she'd probably knock herself out. Ahh....I love her...sweet dumb dog that she is sometimes.

[–]TheInsaneDane 12 points13 points ago

I could watch this over and over again and still laugh. I feel sorry for the dog though.

[–]Chachoregard 11 points12 points ago

"IM GOING FIRST, YOU CAN'T BEAT-(thud) Im ok"

[–]Optometrist_Prime 72 points73 points ago

At first I thought there was a roaming band of hyena's attacking your house...

[–]Gr8WhiteGrammarNazi 101 points102 points ago

I'M GONNA LOSE MY FUCKING MIND IF I SEE ONE MORE APOSTROPHE WHERE IT DOESN'T BELONG

[–]Hysteriia 24 points25 points ago

ಠ_'ಠ

[–]corpsefireNL 50 points51 points ago

BE MORE CONSTRUCTIVE WITH YOU'RE CRITICISMS.

[–]Masamune_X 25 points26 points ago

[–]Selthor 19 points20 points ago

[–]hyperacti 4 points5 points ago

I think the series of small facepalms are supposed to reveal one giant facepalm in the larger picture

Maybe if you stare past the picture you can see it

[–]Selthor 3 points4 points ago

I know that, I did see it, but I saw the penis first.

[–]DawginYourMomma 4 points5 points ago

criticism's.

[–]mohawk75 4 points5 points ago

cri'tic'ism's.

[–]goomonkey 1 point2 points ago

c's

[–]webid792 3 points4 points ago

so's that's what's happening's ?

[–]stikdude 2 points3 points ago

ok skwisgaar

[–]Battletooth 3 points4 points ago

What's the big deal? You know what he meant. He's probably just not paying attention. We've all made mistakes. It's quite common to make a mistake but we can comprehend what he might've tried to say. There's a lot of apostrophes on my comment. Where's the incorrect one at? I'd be willing to bet you couldn't even tell where the apostrophe shouldn't've been placed, can you? I can't remember why I'm typing all this now. I'm sure I'll remember eventually.

Edit: I don't know my punctuation very well.

[–]nude-fox 0 points1 point ago

lose it then and good riddanc'e

[–]neomicron 0 points1 point ago

'

[–]IdontNeedPants -1 points0 points ago

You should end your sentence with a full stop.

[–]BANANARCHY 0 points1 point ago

What about the ellipses at the end?

[–]GeauxPhillies26 0 points1 point ago

I hope you get raped by a pack of Hyena's.

[–]essen23 1 point2 points ago

Nobody cares Apostrophe

[–]DrXtreme28 8 points9 points ago

Brain damage: Required equipment required.

[–]cdskip 8 points9 points ago

Slow and steady Not fucking stupid wins the race.

[–]relevant_farside 24 points25 points ago

[–]BubbaBoondocks 2 points3 points ago

What a great novelty account. I fucking love the far side. Dunno how I hadn't seen you until today

Edit: ah, redditor for six days. Makes more sense. Good luck! I hope you go far.

[–]HTP5 2 points3 points ago

What a cunt.

[–]TheyCallMeStone 9 points10 points ago

dont worry its only a cartoon

[–]randomsnark 1 point2 points ago

You can do this with humans too. There's a fairly involved but worthwhile dorm prank where you get a few people in on it, and take turns inaugurating each party by diving through a doorway covered in paper, everyone cheers, etc.

Eventually, you tell the target it's his turn, and place a vending machine against the other side of the paper.

Everyone has so much free time in college.

[–]djetaine 1 point2 points ago

Sounds like a great way to cause a serious head injury.

[–]AntarcticFox 6 points7 points ago

The gateway to platform 9 & 3/4 has been sealed!

[–]ASDF13178 69 points70 points ago

My favorite part was when the dog ran into the door, assuming it would enter the building but was harshly denied

[–]beernerd 32 points33 points ago

I thoroughly enjoyed the way you accurately depicted the humorous scenario in the linked image.

[–]svenhoek86 14 points15 points ago

I was equally pleased by the language you chose to convey your emotions when reading about his depiction of the linked image.

[–]BigClifty 7 points8 points ago

Ohhhhhhh, now I get it! hahaha!

[–]_Particle_Man_ 0 points1 point ago

OMG I LOVED THAT PART TOO!!

[–]meminto 4 points5 points ago

Reminds me of this: http://i.imgur.com/dCIJ7.gif

[–]bamp 13 points14 points ago

FFFFFFFFFFFFFIRRRRRRRRRRRSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSDFRasdjhaskdbas

[–]kiruclanz 3 points4 points ago

ME FIRST ME FIRST ME FIRST ME FIRST ME FIRST ME FIR- OW FUCK!

[–]jdk 5 points6 points ago

Typical alpha behavior.

[–]styckx 2 points3 points ago

Well duh.. I would be walking into doors too if I left my eye lights on.

[–]MattyD123 2 points3 points ago

I keep thinking he was just trying to cut in front of the other dog to be first in the house.

[–]absntmind3d 2 points3 points ago

i love how the other dog just looks at him

[–]poo_smudge 3 points4 points ago

The best part is that he wanted to go first. He wanted to win. I love losses like this.

[–]Lord_Bumberchute 5 points6 points ago

So, two pitt bulls and security cameras.

Nothing going on in that house, I'm sure.

[–]knight4646 5 points6 points ago

idk why you're getting downvoted. That was pretty funny

[–]slayzakattack 2 points3 points ago

he's just using pit bulls as an excuse to talk shit. it's ok though, can't expect too much from people these days.

[–]slayzakattack 2 points3 points ago

actually, its probably a family home.

  1. There is a doggy door.
  2. The dogs aren't chained up to a tree in a front yard.

[–]Lord_Bumberchute 11 points12 points ago

Drug dealers can have families, too, you jerk.

[–]Toribor 6 points7 points ago

Yo Mr. White!

[–]stronge420 2 points3 points ago

What causes that shape just as he is cornering the pole?

[–]its_sarcasm_you_twat 2 points3 points ago

I don't see how you guys could laugh at this. That probably hurt the dogs neck, and he is obviously confused afterwards.
Reddit has been reduced to getting enjoyment out of hurting animals.

[–]Kurtins 9 points10 points ago

I would laugh if my son did this. In the midst of trying to stop laughing I would go over and try to comfort him

[–]JAWISH 7 points8 points ago

Read user name, don't care, still down-voting.

[–]amwelles 2 points3 points ago

My silly dog runs into things at full speed on a regular basis. I always check her afterward (once I get her to calm down), and she's always fine. I'm pretty sure this dog was a-ok.

[–]el_babo 4 points5 points ago

Username guys, username.

[–]amwelles 2 points3 points ago

Damn, totally missed that. Thanks.

[–]Kramanos 8 points9 points ago

I almost pulled an OP's dog on the downvote arrow.

[–]el_babo 10 points11 points ago

Username guys, username.

[–]mackinoncougars 0 points1 point ago

nascar in a nutshell.

[–]knight4646 1 point2 points ago

"Don't worry, it's safe now"

[–]LaShmoove 1 point2 points ago

I used to run into just-windexed glass patio doors as a kid. I feel for the dog.

[–]OilySalmon 1 point2 points ago

Yup. Those are definitely Pits.

[–]dafuqdidIwrite 0 points1 point ago

I feel guilty about laughing out loud on this.. poor fella was coming in fast and must've been hit hard... but it's damn funny!

[–]its_just_tj 1 point2 points ago

I've got a pit mix that does the same thing

[–]jrastafari 1 point2 points ago

Aww, my brother's dog did the same thing at my house; except she shattered the glass and cut herself really badly. We could see her muscle/bone protruding through her skin. Had to carry, then drive, her to the vet at 2am + doggy yelps :(

[–]Yipfrr 0 points1 point ago

How I feel when I make a witty comment

[–]okron1k 0 points1 point ago

why isn't the other dog ROFL?

[–]mindzipper -1 points0 points ago

poor guy...

Can't stop watching it though. hehe

[–]keith_weaver 0 points1 point ago

I had a beagle that just couldn't grasp that he couldn't walk through a closed glass door. That was the scene EVERY SINGLE TIME he was let outside.

[–]9ren 0 points1 point ago

Slow and steady wins the race.

[–]sandmam86 0 points1 point ago

Laughing like a moron at work. Thank you.

[–]logicallyillogical 1 point2 points ago

I'M GOING FIRST, I'M GOING FIRST!

FUCK.

[–]arccospihalfarcsin 1 point2 points ago

dogs are so dumb

edit: sorry the reason I say this is the dog ran into the door I should say this particular dog is dumb

[–]9ren 1 point2 points ago

More haste less speed.

[–]sfdmfcssfd 1 point2 points ago

"It's all right; I meant to do that..."

[–]Werv 1 point2 points ago

Dogs.

[–]Snerren 0 points1 point ago

Slow and steady wins the race!

[–]akaJimothy 0 points1 point ago

Go home dog, you're drunk.

[–]neon_moon 1 point2 points ago

Well, I've been watching this for a good 3 minutes giggling like a school girl. The whole office thinks im nuts.

[–]garbage_juicer 1 point2 points ago

LAST ONE IN IS A ROTTEN EGG

[–]THEsolid85 0 points1 point ago

Luckily, his neck is made out of bricks so he didn't feel a thing.

[–]michaeljane 0 points1 point ago

Dat crumple

[–]dirice87 0 points1 point ago

I was always curious how people stop racoons and possums from going through their doggy door, or how much of a hassle it is to remember to lock it during thunderstorms

[–]userpain 0 points1 point ago

"IM GONNA WIIIIINNNN!!!" smashes face into door "You alright dude?" "I'm good. After you.."

[–]Eist 1 point2 points ago

Heh.

Anyway, "So Close" seems more apt as a title than "Close enough".

[–]StoicGunner 0 points1 point ago

That dog can really play it off. I would have been crying on the floor

[–]imaginationisevil 0 points1 point ago

Leaving school every day

[–]p4nthers11 -1 points0 points ago

Pitt Bulls are too stubborn to feel pain. Afterwards that dog just straight up was like fuck you door, and continued with his night.

[–]butterfly1988 0 points1 point ago

ROFLMFAO I laughed way to hard at this.

[–]steaktruck 1 point2 points ago

holy crap that dog is a tank

[–]SportzTawk 0 points1 point ago

There wasn't a doggie door... But my dog did a super-man jump into the storm door and bounced off the thing like a trampoline. She hit it so hard her collar came off, still buckled.

She did this twice before realizing she should check if the door is actually open.

[–]FoneBoneHead 0 points1 point ago

"Last one in is a rotten - AUGH!! ... Don't say a goddamn word, Barry."

[–]ZaneMasterX 1 point2 points ago

My lab has done this but into the back hatch of my Jeep. She sometimes gets too excited and doesnt give me enough time to open the hatch completely before she smashes into it.

[–]FlaggerFlooey 0 points1 point ago

This is what it was like for me in high school battling with my sister to get to the bathroom first in the mornings.

[–]squid06 1 point2 points ago

Similar situation to when I lost my virginity.

[–]hobaggg 1 point2 points ago

Seeing a dog do this makes me thing, "I love dogs." If I saw a cat do this exact thing, I would say, "Stupid fucking cat. I hate cats."

[–]CornOnTheKnob 0 points1 point ago

That rung his bell.

[–]No_Easy_Buckets 0 points1 point ago

I have a pittbull and I can confirm this video

[–]marblefoot 0 points1 point ago

Gosh I love dogs. But sometimes they are so impulsive/dumb.

Maybe that's what makes them so love-able.

[–]mangel93 0 points1 point ago

My chihuahua did this to his cage once, the door was closed and he ran right into it...I think he was embarrassed. I laughed pretty hard at him before rubbing his head.

[–]C3NS0RIOUS 0 points1 point ago

Dog used headbutt ! It's ineffective !

[–]julchen_My 0 points1 point ago

oh poor dog. I know exactly how that feels.

[–]withholdthelaughing 0 points1 point ago

Am I the only one that thinks that gets funnier and funnier every time the loop goes around?

[–]brokendimension 0 points1 point ago

My rabbit used to do stuff like this all the time.

[–]zlo2 0 points1 point ago

FIRST!

[–]Betrivent 0 points1 point ago

LEEROOOOOOOOOOOOOY

[–]mumb9ler 1 point2 points ago

BOOOOM!

gotta love those pits...skull like a hunk of granite...not even phased by that hit....

I miss mine so much

[–]Affengeil 0 points1 point ago

That dog comPRESSED himself.

[–]rockafella7 0 points1 point ago

Slow and steady wins the race.

[–]suchaherosandwich 0 points1 point ago

Negative, Home-1. It just impacted on the surface.

[–]Bumbleinthejungle 0 points1 point ago

Tortoise beats the hare.

[–]matt_bison 0 points1 point ago

this is what happens when 2 niggas are fighting for dominance... my homosexual runt cat actually does the same thing.. tries to beat you into the kitchen, except since hes so small and weak, he ends up almost killing you by running under foot... #pets

[–]Mysterious-Stranger 0 points1 point ago

BOOM!

[–]Lymah 0 points1 point ago

Check the ground right before the dog straightens out.

I think owner blinded the dog right before he could do anything about it.

[–]themonkey12 0 points1 point ago

so that how a pokemon tackle in real life.

[–]MagnusExcelsior 0 points1 point ago

I wish that happened to everyone who tried to cut in line.

[–]Snuflez 0 points1 point ago

I find it sad how much this reminds me of my drive home today.....