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I told my boyfriend I had to get a colonoscopy over text message, this is what he sent back in reply... (i.imgur.com)

submitted ago by charlieq46

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[–]Lecks 102 points103 points ago

Colonoscopies over text message, what will science think of next.

[–]Stopikingonme 34 points35 points ago

~~~~~~~~~~~~~D >O< SEND

[–]Scarbane 5 points6 points ago

escape pod jettisoned

[–]charlieq46[S] 8 points9 points ago

oh dear I didn't even think about that XD that made me laugh

[–]Kr0nos 2 points3 points ago

The message might have nothing to do with the colonoscopy.

[–]sporkinum 20 points21 points ago

Procedure is easy. The prep is what will kill you.

[–]AdaAstra 7 points8 points ago

Month long anal sex?

[–]lochlainn 13 points14 points ago

If "month long anal sex"="day long pissing out your ass", yes.

[–]inpu 5 points6 points ago

Imagine drinking salt water. Lots of it. Vanilla flavored salt water, to clean you from the inside. After the first glass, I thought, "sure, no problem, I can do this, this ain't so bad." After the fourth, I had trouble not to immediately throw it back up. And the vanilla flavor only made it worse, not better. At the doctor's, I got my anus probed a bit with his finger, but for the actual procedure, I got general anesthesia, and I would recommend doing it this way. Since it's over very quickly, they don't need a lot of drugs, and you're unlikely to feel sick or get a hangover from it.

[Edit:spelling]

[–]dibkins 2 points3 points ago

Why god was there vanilla flavour:(

[–]nickzed 0 points1 point ago

Depends on the laxative you get. Pico Salax is easy.

[–]nickmangoldsbeard 0 points1 point ago

Mine tasted like poison. I gag just thinking about it

[–]StutteringJohn 0 points1 point ago

golytely?

[–]inpu 0 points1 point ago

Possibly, I don't remember the brand name (and I'm in Germany, so it might be called something else.) I think it did say something about electrolytes on the bottle.

[–]StutteringJohn 0 points1 point ago

I've had 8 or 9 in past 2 years. It's the stuff I use in the U.S. Yes it does have electrolytes listed too. Big square jug.

[–]tap112 3 points4 points ago

Oh god, don't remind me. Can't eat for 24 hours and the whole time you're pissing out your ass every 15 minutes from that prep shit they make you drink. It was worth it though, I found out it wasn't Crohn's disease. It's hard to describe the feeling you get when the doctor tells you that the initial diagnosis was wrong and you, in fact, don't have a condition that will never go away.

[–]charlieq46[S] 5 points6 points ago

That is what they are testing me for. Crohns or colitis. I did just find out I didn't have celiac though which is a relief

[–]tap112 1 point2 points ago

Are you me from a year ago? Did they test you for a gluten allergy too? That one was a relief, finding out that I hadn't suddenly become allergic to everything that tastes good.

In case you were wondering, here's what they finally concluded about me. I got tonsillitis a few months before I started having problems. I went to the health center on campus for that and they put me on some antibiotic. The antibiotic basically just kills everything. There's good bacteria and bad bacteria in your colon, and after the antibiotic killed everything off, the bad bacteria rebounded unchecked. It fucked me up. Running to the bathroom every 10 minutes feeling like I'm about to shit my pants and when I finally get there it's just a little water if anything.

When the doctor finally did the colonoscopy, the analogy that he used was that it looked like I had fallen off of my bike and, instead of scraping my elbow, I landed on my colon. Not a pretty sight. He said it was Crohn's disease and put me on a steroid. A day later I got a call, and a more specialized expert reviewed the slides and figured out what was actually happening. They took me off the steroid and put me on another antibiotic. Fixed me right up.

[–]charlieq46[S] 3 points4 points ago

They are thinking I have IBS but as it is a syndrome of exclusion they have to try everything. They did a blood test and noticed that some protein was high so they want to look into inflamatory diseases as well. At this point after having already suffered for five years I just want a diagnosis so I know what to do. Glad you don't have crohns tho!!!

[–]tap112 0 points1 point ago

Thanks. Hope you don't as well

[–]powerBtn 0 points1 point ago

I have a similar story. I think my GI issues started after having a sinus infection and being prescribed Z-PAK, which as I am told are super powerful antibiotics. I couldn't finish the antibiotics because they screwed up my digestion hard and fast, and even after I quit it my problems continued (even to this day). I went through the endoscopy, colonoscopy, and a couple of stool tests. They found nothing, so for now I am termed to have IBS. The last GI doc I saw seemed pretty knowledgeable and said that what I have must have been caused by the infection and treatment, due to the sudden onset and the timing. Trying to live with it by taking anticholinergic drugs, kind of sucks. I was told it might go away on its own. What sort of antibiotic did they put you on?

[–]tap112 0 points1 point ago

Sorry man, I don't remember the names of either the drug that caused it or the drug that cured it.

[–]powerBtn 0 points1 point ago

Aw, dang. If you bother looking them up, I will bake you cookies and mail them.

[–]inspy 1 point2 points ago

Not until you wash those hands!

[–]eeedlef 0 points1 point ago

It's hard to describe the feeling you get when the doctor tells you that the initial diagnosis was wrong and you, in fact, don't have a condition that will never go away.

It's also hard to describe being told you do. :(

[–]nickzed 0 points1 point ago

Not really. it fucking sucks. I was told this when I was 15 (11 years ago) and I would describe it as a combination of nausea and helplessness.

That being said, it's pretty manageable if you're among the majority. Surgery is always last case scenario. Drugs like Humira etc. really help the disease these days.

[–]tigeress86 2 points3 points ago

Word! Not fun, not fun at all. Burning asshole.

[–]Jesus_In_Drag 0 points1 point ago

I got preparation-h hoping it would help. I had my asshole lubed up with that stuff before I started the prep and kept it lubed the entire time. Didn't help worth a damn.

It was like I had cheap beer lava shits.

[–]charlieq46[S] 0 points1 point ago

Thats what people keep telling me D:

[–]Jesus_In_Drag 0 points1 point ago

The prep sucks. I had one about a month ago. The concentrated form supre-prep (however you spell it) smelled like cough syrup. Not that bad, right? Nope... It tasted like ass in a cup. I had to drink it with chasers. Then repeat it the next day. :/

Also, due to scheduling/etc. I didn't eat for two days. When it was all over, I had a bbq beef sandwich, a ham club sandwich, a plate of pasta with sausage and three slices of pizza.

It was for a good cause though. They found two polyps that were benign, but they looked suspicious. I have to get one every three years now/

[–]Tiktaky 0 points1 point ago

I was lucky, schedules my colonosopy first thing in the morning so I only had to do one day of prep and 3 days of fasting. 1L of ass flavoured liquid for breakfast lunch and dinner, with 250ml of lemon flavoured fizzy stuff that was actually tolerable in between each litre.

An hour after the first liter of liquid and most of my 'prep' was done, the rest of the day I didn't use the bathroom for that purpose at all, I just had to pee a lot.

When I woke up from the procedure they told me that they didn't even bother with it, as soon as they got the camera 10cm in they found the problem, so then they decided to use the time to cut out a few ovarian cysts.

[–]Jesus_In_Drag 0 points1 point ago

ovarian cysts in your butt? I'm confused.

[–]Tiktaky 0 points1 point ago

The place I got the procedure done was a surgery outpatient clinic who was licensed to do a number of procedures.

When filling in the forms I gave them permission to perform any procedure they felt necessary if they found a problem.

During the pre-colonoscopy ultra-sound they spotted some cysts on my ovaries, so when they cancelled the colonoscopy, they started performing am abdominal keyhole cyst removal instead.

[–]Jesus_In_Drag 0 points1 point ago

Ah, got it. Hope you are well.

[–]Tiktaky 0 points1 point ago

I'm still recovering and learning to manage the illnesses they discovered, some are chronic, but now I have an official diagnosis so I can start dealing with it properly.

[–]fatguybayonet 34 points35 points ago

Prepare your diddly hole

[–]tidux 7 points8 points ago

What's even worse is that you read it in Flanders's voice.

[–]AdrianoRoss 9 points10 points ago

It's even worse when you change your perspective of the chin being the mouth. shivers

[–]tidux 5 points6 points ago

DAMN YOU.

[–]fatguybayonet 0 points1 point ago

Cannot unsee

[–]rockettube 8 points9 points ago

Yub Nub!

[–]ronaldraygun91 -1 points0 points ago

Holy shit that's the stuff of nightmares

[–]deja-vu-comment 25 points26 points ago

I find this one more hilarious.... http://imgur.com/gxUoR

.

[–]RICH_LITTLE 26 points27 points ago

Or your angus

[–]Slowpoak -4 points-3 points ago

This is a bot people

[–]zaphod_85 5 points6 points ago

Hey, don't discriminate against the bot people. They have a long, rich history and they don't deserve this kind of anti-botism.

[–]Slowpoak 2 points3 points ago

Oh cool, my first reddit grammar fuck up. What do I win!? :D

Edit: I won't accept down votes as gifts.

[–]zaphod_85 2 points3 points ago

Sorry, I'd already bought it, and the downvote store doesn't accept returns.

[–]RICH_LITTLE 0 points1 point ago

Already *bot it.

[–]Chazzey_dude 3 points4 points ago

People just aren't ready for cyborgs and androids.

[–]Ranger_X 3 points4 points ago

I expected: "So this means you'll do anal, right?"

[–]Hellokitty706 2 points3 points ago

I had to get one a long time ago i can still not eat anythin lime or cherry flavored.

[–]Mradnor 2 points3 points ago

The procedure itself is just a two hour nap. The prep . . . well prepare to experience peeing out of your butt.

[–]missgonzo 1 point2 points ago

I wasn't sedated nearly enough when I got mine, so it was painful and I remembered it all. :(

And the preparation is unpleasant.

[–]nickzed 0 points1 point ago

You could've asked for more.

[–]charlieq46[S] 0 points1 point ago

D: don't say that!! It could happen to me D:

[–]missgonzo 3 points4 points ago

Sorry!

Listen to the other posters, my experience was very unusual. My tolerance for sedatives wasn't taken into account. If anyone needs to look up my butt ever again, I'm going to need a lot more drugs .

[–]barnesandnobles 1 point2 points ago

I've done five and that's never happened. I wouldn't worry too much.

[–]charlieq46[S] 1 point2 points ago

whew that's a relief

[–]Mradnor 0 points1 point ago

You should be fine as long as you don't use sedatives (read: opiates, benzos) recreationally. If you do, then make sure to be completely honest with the anesthesiologist about it because it means you'll need more to knock you out.

I don't, so all I remember is telling the nurse anesthetist "I'm starting to feel it now," and then waking up woozily two hours later.

[–]Jesus_In_Drag 0 points1 point ago

Correction: peeing out your butt while it feels like someone is stabbing your anus with needles that are on fire.

[–]Sauron_517 0 points1 point ago

Marry him or I will.

[–]charlieq46[S] 1 point2 points ago

I'M ON IT!!! D:

[–]giz0r 5 points6 points ago

I'll take "Things that never happend for $500" Alex.

[–]GWARgasm 1 point2 points ago

He's going in dry.

[–]Im4Beast99 0 points1 point ago

Someone has been watching Sketch

[–]notadroid -1 points0 points ago

i lolled hard. I haven't seen that in a while, nor the 'bite the pillow' one below.

gf rained on my parade when she didn't understand what I was laughing so hard about...

[–]mrmacintosh86 1 point2 points ago

No, no you didn't...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p8-rGAM_KeA&feature=related

[–]almostnormal 1 point2 points ago

Ask if you can do miralax and gatorade. It is much easier than the glycol stuff they prescribe for you.

[–]charlieq46[S] 0 points1 point ago

What if I mix gatorade packets with the glycol? they recommended crystal light.

[–]almostnormal 0 points1 point ago

Well I've had it done twice. The first time with the glycol stuff with a lemon packet that came with it. At first it was ok, but after a while it just got disgusting, the stuff I was drinking smelled just like the stuff coming out of my backside.

Lots of gagging, some vomit, the last liter or so was awful.

The gatorade stuff went down easy.

Good luck. As people have said, the prep is the worst.

[–]charlieq46[S] 0 points1 point ago

shudders that sounds nasty

[–]Jesus_In_Drag 1 point2 points ago

If they didn't tell you, you are supposed to stay away from red and purple drinks.

[–]Kiddette 0 points1 point ago

If you can use a chaser, I suggest strawberry kiwi Gatorade or crystal light. Don't know why, but it worked for me back in the day when I had to have annual scopes.

[–]charlieq46[S] 0 points1 point ago

I am not supposed to have anything with red or purple food coloring. Is the strawberry kiwi gatorade pink? If not I am so on it.

[–]Kiddette 0 points1 point ago

Ahck. They both have Red 40 as an ingredient. Too bad they don't come in clear versions. :(

[–]charlieq46[S] 0 points1 point ago

bleh how annoying!!

[–]saturnelia 0 points1 point ago

Drink sprite! That's what I always did.

[–]mko1991 -1 points0 points ago

Really? i ctrl-f'd "Uranus" and found nothing on here.

so here I say it, Uranus. ㅎㅎㅎㅎㅎㅎ

[–]Cservantes 0 points1 point ago

He should've just sent back, "Need a hand?"

[–]nickzed 1 point2 points ago

Just had one of these two weeks ago. Stressed over it leading up to it, but it wasn't a big deal at all. The prep is the worst part but it's not even bad either. See if you can get pico salax as the lax you take. It tastes not bad, (think soapy orange juice), and works well. Also, when you get in to the room, let the nurse know you're nervous and really want to be out for it, and they'll offer you additional sedative if your vitals are good. My nurse told me straight up DON'T YOU BE AFRAID TO ASK FOR MORE IF YOU NEED IT!!

Truth be told, you lay on the bed, you get into the position, they inject it into your arm, and I bet you won't even be able to count to 10 before you are going home again, feeling normal, but having everyone tell you that you're all loopy.

Try not to stress over it, it's a breeze.

[–]klawdi 0 points1 point ago

Pepper your angus.

[–]StutteringJohn 1 point2 points ago

Fuck golytely

[–]ThatGuyFromDaBoot 1 point2 points ago

I snorted laughing at that.

[–]mudmaster 0 points1 point ago

I would have texted back that I'll be there in 20 minutes to begin the preliminary examination.

[–]waffleninja 0 points1 point ago

There is another caption of that meme like this:

Bite the pillow. I'm going in dry.

[–]Abswility 0 points1 point ago

Can anyone point me to that 'toilet leprechaun' comic where he says something to the effect of 'prepare your anus, its gonna get weird'?

[–]ChaseTheBear 0 points1 point ago

Hes been waiting for that. Just letting you know.

[–]GeneralRimjoy 0 points1 point ago

Don't be afraid to rip ass during the recovery, it will heal you.

[–]noscoe 0 points1 point ago

by my research posts starting with a mention of a boyfriend get 1000% more upvotes

for the same image that has been posted since the dawn of the internet millions of years ago

[–]Anus_Farter 0 points1 point ago

PEPPER YOUR ANGUS

[–]BruddyMarvaris 0 points1 point ago

This meme will never cease to make me laugh.

[–]MortMyersMarryMe 0 points1 point ago

Pics or it didn't happen

[–]JustDan93 1 point2 points ago

Bite the pillow, I'm going in dry.

[–]The-Vajazzler 0 points1 point ago

E for Effort.

[–]agup48 1 point2 points ago

Must be a shitty job to be a gastroenterologist.

[–]Sommerfaq 1 point2 points ago

Not very funny.

[–]Sleep45 -4 points-3 points ago

This didn't happen.

[–]lowguns3 -3 points-2 points ago

OMG DAE hate reposts??!1

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