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top 200 commentsshow all 438

[–]thatkidwithayoyo 724 points725 points ago

Does it bother anyone else that the apostrophe is on the wrong side of the "Merica"?

[–]lisabadcat 310 points311 points ago

Why can't anyone learn how to use apostrophe's properly?

[–]radioactivehamster 184 points185 points ago

Misuse of apostrophes is a pretty big problem around here is'nt it?

[–]munge_me_not 115 points116 points ago

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

[–]Captain_Kuhl 64 points65 points ago

I feel stupid for almost asking how you got those "I"s so small and removed the dots...

[–]munge_me_not 107 points108 points ago

I used Photoshop.

[–]Thirdyearfreshmen 30 points31 points ago

L'es.

[–]allmen 22 points23 points ago

L'esbins'

[–]Lettuce_Get_Weird 7 points8 points ago

Photo-shop expert here: Confirmed. I can tell from the obvious pixels.

[–]Happy_Harry 2 points3 points ago

FTFY

' used photoshop.

[–]niiru 4 points5 points ago

Even tinier! '''''''''''''''

[–]JawnF 1 point2 points ago

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

[–]NotMecha 38 points39 points ago

Apostrophe misuse, not even one's.

[–]_MERICA 2 points3 points ago

No apostrophe is the best apostrophe.

[–]MedievalManagement 0 points1 point ago

You'r misplaced apostrophes are upsetting me.

[–]BBQsauce18 2 points3 points ago

Hey' shut your mouth'!

[–]stinkypants 1 point2 points ago

My friends' kids always use it improperly.

Edit : Implying more than one friend.

[–]trash-80 1 point2 points ago

Don't worry, we got this guy Not Sure, he's got a higher IQ than any man alive and he's going to fix everything.

[–]ShakeweightPro 1 point2 points ago

I' thin'k mos't pe'ople are' pret'ty good' about use'ing apos'trophies''''''

[–]teresaroze 0 points1 point ago

Those pew's are funny.

[–]TheClayroo 15 points16 points ago

Trolling....don't fall for it....don't fall for it.

[–]newfag_tr0ll 22 points23 points ago

I wont'.

[–]senior_migz 15 points16 points ago

I cant'.

[–]neogod 9 points10 points ago

I shant. '

[–]krispyKRAKEN 9 points10 points ago

I shant my' pants.

[–]helium_farts 2 points3 points ago

Better go clean em' then.

[–]Noplacelike127001 3 points4 points ago

I w'asnt going to.

[–]swellfella 4 points5 points ago

Dont' stop, get it get it.

[–]mojomonkeyfish 9 points10 points ago

Step 1: Acquire sentence

The quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dogs back

Step 2: Apply punctuation liberally, from shaker, to taste. Pro-tip: Save time by combining your favorite punctuation into one shaker. Don't forget a pinch of semicolons, which really bring out the flavor.

The, qu'ick brown fox; jump'ed (over) - the lazy dog,s back!!!!1!

Step 3: Bake

Upboats! Gaben!!!!!

[–]krispyKRAKEN 8 points9 points ago

Why do you have the word "back" in that sentence? That literally ruins it. Each word in that sentence adds new letters of the alphabet and then you added "back" which brings no new letters and you done fucked it up.

EDIT: Thank you Viewtiful_7

[–]Shagoosty 0 points1 point ago

'merica

[–]Endevour 0 points1 point ago

I d'ont know.

[–]I_Saw_Drones 1 point2 points ago

I wont' do it. No 'sir.

[–]imnojezus 1 point2 points ago

I think you mean p'ostrophe's

[–]Kruse 1 point2 points ago

Because, Merica'

[–]SOMETHING_POTATO 1 point2 points ago

When I taught middle school, I tried to get my students to use quotation marks correctly. I got pieces of paper that looked like this.

i like soccer john "said"

(no punctuation, no capitalization)

The worst:

"I" "L"ike "S"occer john said

[–]mopman12 0 points1 point ago

Its a real problem. How many time's must they be taught the same lesson? At least their remembering to use them at all.

[–]StankyMung 4 points5 points ago

CLASS OF 13' WOO!

[–]kelsmart23 1 point2 points ago

That was literally the first thing my eyes went to, before even reading the text. And then the humor was lost. It's a cursed life we grammar snobs live.

[–]TheChosenOne013 15 points16 points ago

Honestly, I hate the whole "'Merica" thing anyway. I hope it is a trend that will just go away.

[–]poo_smudge 26 points27 points ago

That's how I feel about everything on Reddit.

[–]akatherder 39 points40 points ago

And here we see the common self-loathing redditor. He complains about everything he sees, claims everything is a repost, and accuses every conversation of being fake. Yet he spends most of his waking hours indulging in the activity.

[–]webid792 5 points6 points ago

Mr. Attenborough's voice for this, loving it.

[–]stopherjj 4 points5 points ago

...and yet here you are, poo_smudge.

[–]shibblywibbly 7 points8 points ago

200 years going str... still going in some sort of fashion anyway.

[–]turkeyinthecorn 0 points1 point ago

It's amazingly tiresome.

[–]Zebba_Odirnapal 0 points1 point ago

"Merica" has 3 syllables. Shouldn't it be spelled more like "murrcah"?

[–]TheChosenOne013 13 points14 points ago

In my opinion, ditch the whole stereotyped/meme'd spelling. It's like this "Stahp!" thing. It was funny, but just...let it die peacefully.

[–]Hoggord 14 points15 points ago

You all sound like you are new to Reddit. I have never seen a community that can mutilate dead horses so efficiently.

[–]Gorillaz_Noodle 4 points5 points ago

Mutilating animals!

I THOUGHT YOU WERE TALKING ABOUT COLBY 2012 FOR A SECOND!

DAE cumbox Doritos flavored jolly ranchers?

[–]Hawkell 2 points3 points ago

That sounds like commie speak to me.

[–]Draggedaround 2 points3 points ago

Came here to say this. 'Merica. Because you are omitting the A. Christ.

[–]IamTheFreshmaker 9 points10 points ago

A. Christ is J. Christ's sister?

[–]Draggedaround 2 points3 points ago

Ann Christ, stupid.

[–]Eat_Bacon_nomnomnom 6 points7 points ago

That's a common misconception. A. Christ is actually God's sister. Or as Jesus knew her, Anti Christ.

Edit: my jokes are bad, and I should feel bad.

[–]JayTS 2 points3 points ago

You should spell it Aunti Christ to emphasize your pun.

[–]ekregea 1 point2 points ago

That is the first thing I saw and it ruined everything for me! I can't get over it, actually.

[–]schwerpunk 2 points3 points ago

Tremendously.

Unrelated: I haven't had sex since this Spring.

[–]eeninety 1 point2 points ago

dude.. I bet I could out yo-yo you anyday. I used to do tricks n shit back in the day. The cradle, the walking the dog.. all kindsa shit that will blow your mind.

[–]trash-80 -1 points0 points ago

That's not an apostrophe at the end, it's an electrolyte.

[–]FisherKing22 -1 points0 points ago

Well now it does.

[–]Scarmanz -1 points0 points ago

I'm Australian so no but I do feel bad for this chap.

[–]DeVitoMcCool 0 points1 point ago

That apostrophe is a catastrophe.

[–]rgeguypic 0 points1 point ago

Listen up you fuking Nazi, here in Meri'ca we put da postraphe any where we damn well please.

[–]cntlscrut 0 points1 point ago

"Merica

[–]prophetjohn 0 points1 point ago

Now that you pointed it out, yes. Jerk.

[–]teresaroze 0 points1 point ago

yes. but the guy pewing probably spelled it, so the misplaced apostrophe is understandable.

[–]spinlock 0 points1 point ago

that's why it's funny.

[–]Griffter4 23 points24 points ago

What's the story?

[–]jaesun 41 points42 points ago

this has to deal with a police shooting in LV at a local Costco. (citizen was openly carrying a gun, costco has policy of no guns, was asked to leave by employees, he refused, police were called, and police say he pulled out the gun, and thus police fired killing him, though many people don't believe he did, along with fact that there is no security footage of the incident).

Edit: http://www.lvrj.com/news/national-police-group-honors-two-officers-involved-in-erik-scott-shooting-119926284.html

[–]Pres7 4 points5 points ago

The trial that preceded this made me sick to my stomach. Metro's attorneys tore this dead mans reputation apart. I usually side with the police on most things but this was just too much. And if I remember correctly his family wasn't even allowed to defend him. I think he was a Westpoint graduate also.

[–]Beetrain 3 points4 points ago

Yup. I live literally 5 minutes from that Costco. My friend was there working when the whole thing went down...

[–]Bouda 5 points6 points ago

ama?

[–]ralf_ 2 points3 points ago

[–]Spooooooooooooon 1 point2 points ago

Appears to be a Las Vegas Metro PD cop. Not sure past that...

Bump, set...

[–]for_sweden 0 points1 point ago

its actually the second time in 5 years this particular individual has been involved in a fatal shooting. http://www.thebeargrowls.com/?p=768

and fuck these guys; they have too much power and not enough brains/training.

[–]Cranium_Insaneum 71 points72 points ago

I'm a victim of coikumstance! Nyuk nyuk nyuk.

[–]thirdfounder 30 points31 points ago

i feel bad for the guy having to follow this act.

[–]Rustiest_Venture 23 points24 points ago

Wise guy eh?

[–]IronLung420 15 points16 points ago

Nyuk nyuk nyuk.

[–]fish500 6 points7 points ago

Why I oughta!!!!

[–]slapadastic 0 points1 point ago

The cheese Mo! The cheese!

[–]sir_wooly_merkins 1 point2 points ago

This guy did just that. Hmeemeemeee!

[–]Optometrist_Prime 95 points96 points ago

[–]xnerdyxrealistx 34 points35 points ago

Just an fyi, Big Joe Grimes of Cincinatti was 6'4" and 754 lbs even though he doesn't look it in the photo. I doubt that officer is 754 lbs or even half that.

[–]wild-tangent 17 points18 points ago

I'd argue half 754 lbs.

[–]phedre 2 points3 points ago

He's gotta be clocking in at well over 300 though.

[–]TicTacsss 62 points63 points ago

"Keith's life of indulgence may be slowly killing him." Really? Fuckin' hell that comes as a surprise.

[–]Gorillaz_Noodle 27 points28 points ago

Well he might just get so heavy that we see a glitch in the human body and he effectively becomes super healthy and lives to 300.

[–]Lettuce_Get_Weird 67 points68 points ago

Doctor: Mr. Burns, I'm afraid you are the sickest man in the United States. You have everything.

Mr. Burns: You mean I have pneumonia?

Doctor: Yes.

Mr. Burns: Juvenile diabetes?

Doctor: Yes.

Mr. Burns: Hysterical pregnancy?

Doctor: Uh, a little bit, yes. You also have several diseases that have just been discovered - in you.

Mr. Burns: I see. You sure you haven't just made thousands of mistakes?

Doctor: Uh, no, no, I'm afraid not.

Mr. Burns: This sounds like bad news.

Doctor: Well, you'd think so, but all of your diseases are in perfect balance. Uh, if you have a moment, I can explain.

Mr. Burns: Well...[looks at his watch]

Mr. Burns: [the Doctor puts a tiny model house door on his desk]

Doctor: Here's the door to your body, see?

[bring up some small fuzz balls with goofy faces and limbs from under the desk]

Doctor: And these are oversized novelty germs.

[points to a different one up as he names each disease]

Doctor: That's influenza, that's bronchitis,

[holds up one]

Doctor: and this cute little cuddle-bug is pancreatic cancer. Here's what happens when they all try to get through the door at once.

[tries to cram a bunch through the model door. The "germs" get stuck]

Doctor: [Stooge-like] Woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo. Move it, chowderhead.

[normal voice]

Doctor: We call it, "Three Stooges Syndrome".

Mr. Burns: So what you're saying is, I'm indestructible.

Doctor: Oh, no, no, in fact, even slight breeze could...

Mr. Burns: Indestructible.

[–]kewidogg 11 points12 points ago

His body starts self sustaining off itself, creating new organs, and replenishing him from the inside out

[–]dirice87 20 points21 points ago

until it collapses on itself like a dying star

[–]kewidogg 5 points6 points ago

So, correct me if I'm wrong here...but our galaxy could be entirely explained, within this gigantic man?

[–]SirBlah 0 points1 point ago

Yes.

[–]whubbard 10 points11 points ago

Pretty sure that's not the world heaviest man: Source I think three on this list are still living and they are over 1,000 lbs.

[–]Tinysauce 4 points5 points ago

Reading the individual wikipedia pages for those people has all of them losing most of their weight.

Mayra is the only living person on that list without an updated weight significantly lower than a thousand pounds. However, she's a woman so the title of 'fattest man' might still be that guy at 814 pounds.

[–]solitz 1 point2 points ago

10/11 of the top spots!! 'Merica!

[–]I_Saw_Drones 9 points10 points ago

Oh and he's european! Take that, smug europeans!

[–]Shady7544 1 point2 points ago

What a dick.

[–]commandakeen 9 points10 points ago

This sums up reddit so nicely clean and fresh.

[–]binermoots 2 points3 points ago

This gif makes me so incredibly depressed. Such horrendous parental neglect.

[–]Stavros175 1 point2 points ago

Source?

[–]bullsbulls 14 points15 points ago

Can someone help me out with this--- So I'm clicking through all these fatties and they eat 8 hot dogs for breakfast, 3 pizzas throughout the day, require 18 caretakers, and need 30 doctors for childbirth (none of these is an exaggeration). My question is this- how do these people pay for all this? None of those stories include mentions of a mass family fortune, employment, or financial situation. Has anyone heard of how any of these people actually obtained the money to get to this point? I'm afraid to think that taxpayers are stuck paying for all this because they suffer from "obesity."

[–]phedre 14 points15 points ago

What's doubly sad is that this guy can't even get out of bed, so someone is actively bringing that food to him. He's being enabled by those caretakers to eat himself to death.

I'm not saying he didn't make his own bed here, but Christ people when someone's too fat to get up, STOP BRINGING THEM 8 HOTDOGS FOR BREAKFAST.

[–]Ski_3143 5 points6 points ago

If that's the case why can't I get tax payers to pay MY food bill? lol

[–]frenzyboard 2 points3 points ago

I always wonder this as well. Or why people keep bringing them so much food? Will they die if someone makes them skip a meal or ten?

[–]PeeEqualsNP 0 points1 point ago

This is my main beef with a public insurance option in our country. They do seem to work in other countries, none of which have the obesity epidemic on the scale we do. I believe the closest is the UK, but isn't their system even going broke? I think the great example of a system like this used by healthier (by culture really, not because they 'diet') was something like Taiwan. Too lazy to look this up for sure though...

[–]Lord_Bumberchute 18 points19 points ago

Having consistent and reliable access to food is awesome!

[–]Dracomantis 15 points16 points ago

Lacking self control however, clearly is not.

[–]i_love_cake_day 28 points29 points ago

People weren't thinner in 1903 because of self control.

[–]cralledode 10 points11 points ago

but not everyone with consistent access to food in 2012 is unhealthily overweight, either

[–]Dracomantis 3 points4 points ago

I never said they were, I said that lacking in self control is not a good thing. The fact that fatty suggary foods are easy and cheap dosn't help. But its still all about self control.

[–]gunluva 0 points1 point ago

That guy looks reasonably happy.

[–]babystroller 1 point2 points ago

You think if people from 1903 saw this would they be more surprised at the fact that there are a lot more obese persons or that black people are able to become cops?

[–]Fistandantalus 14 points15 points ago

I didn't realize that Curly from the Three Stooges was a cop. Now I know....and knowing is half the battle. GI Joe.

[–]neren 18 points19 points ago

BODY MASSAGE.

[–]liberterrorism 8 points9 points ago

Hey kid, I'm a computah! Stop all the downloadin'!

[–]oDDableTW 8 points9 points ago

Hey wut duh fuck ah yoo keeds doin' on muh fuhckin lawn?

[–]funkyloki 0 points1 point ago

Pork chop sandwiches!

[–]HawaiianDry 2 points3 points ago

Holy cow I'm totally going so fast AW FUCK!

[–]Lichloathe 2 points3 points ago

[–]CaptainScrambles 4 points5 points ago

Ok this is weird, I saw this posted on Facebook yesterday. That's right, saw it on facebook before it was posted to reddit.

...I feel violated.

[–]LT_Sealice 39 points40 points ago

And now for your own easy cynical self-righteous satisfaction-

Welcome to the anti-America, anti-police, anti-white man, anti-obese, anti-gun circle jerk!

Let's hear it all gentleman! No comments, questions or criticisms are off limits, let's make sure to beat this dead horse like that cop probably beats his wife AMIRITE AMIRITE??

Carry on!

[–]gozerians 18 points19 points ago

He's probably circumcised, too!

[–]LT_Sealice 5 points6 points ago

Haha I completely forgot about that one too.

[–]gardenlevel 1 point2 points ago

And hates cats.

[–]Bazing1980 2 points3 points ago

Anti-obese? Is there such a thing as pro-life threatening, dangerous amounts of consuming unhealthy food? I didn't know that was a thing.

And oh those poor, poor white men! The largest group on reddit hates itself!

[–]Kazang 2 points3 points ago

Is there such a thing as pro-life threatening, dangerous amounts of consuming unhealthy food?

This guy.

[–]MusicDivine 5 points6 points ago

Holy shit... I... I saw this on Facebook 1st.... What is the world coming to?!?!?!?

[–]pewPewPEWWW 7 points8 points ago

My username is finally relevant!!!

[–]retnuh730 5 points6 points ago

must have been a long 17 days for you

[–]GrizzledBastard 2 points3 points ago

That's what you gotta do when they won't give you a God damned liter of cola!

[–]HighFlyerMN 5 points6 points ago

No, Kenny. It's not "pew-pew" it's "BANG BANG"

[–]DAVEatm 4 points5 points ago

That was one of the officers that killed a vet at Costco here in Vegas http://www.lasvegassun.com/news/2010/sep/23/officer-deadly-shooting-says-man-pointed-gun-didnt/

[–]thenaterator 2 points3 points ago

A vet who was allegedly rather aggressive and pulled out a firearm.

[–]spikey666 5 points6 points ago

Allegedly.

[–]CoCostanza 1 point2 points ago

And who was high out of his mind on painkillers

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]dirtmerchant1980 2 points3 points ago

yep thats reddit, go into a thread to say something, and then......ahh fuck it. first 300 comments are about apostrophes. whats the point.

[–]maxiums 2 points3 points ago

The sad part is I saw this on my Facebook before Reddit.

[–]dafreshprince 2 points3 points ago

Can someone tell me the context? I feel like Im missing something.

[–]benjabent 1 point2 points ago

This makes me giggle like a little school girl

[–]iGotChubs4You 0 points1 point ago

How the fuck does shit like this ever get upvoted?

[–]zamattiac 2 points3 points ago

[–]seedofcheif 0 points1 point ago

What the fucks with the non-stop anti us circlejerk

[–]nidsjerome 0 points1 point ago

Is it me or does this guy remind anyone else of Curley Howard?

[–]davidburns 4 points5 points ago

Well you see, he started pew pewing at me so I pulled out my firearm and returned pew pew.

[–]Flu_Roo 2 points3 points ago

At least he's holding it correctly.

[–]JWL1092 3 points4 points ago

i saw this on facebook 3 days ago. you should be ashamed!

[–]nobody2000 3 points4 points ago

1.) Would have been plenty funny without the America reference. It's like you're making a joke and then you have to go and pull the retard in and say it's about him

2.) Your apostrophe is ironically & poorly placed.

[–]pineconesroc 9 points10 points ago

I honestly think the "Merica" made it funnier than it already was. That's just my opinion

[–]down_on_baker_stree 0 points1 point ago

I thought this was funny back before it was posted on 4chan...'s Facebook page. Recycling recycled compost must be efficient as fuck.

[–]dirty_fingers 0 points1 point ago

If you're gonna be a douche, at least punctuate it right. An apostrophe replaces a missing letter, so it should be 'merica. If you want to be a grammatically correct douche.

[–]lemonpjb 1 point2 points ago

This subreddit is absolute shit.

[–]drapers_grandson -1 points0 points ago

Looks like Paul Blart got promoted from mall cop to regular cop

[–]BudMoore1234 1 point2 points ago

I only read 11 "Pews". What in the fuck did he do with that last bullet, I must know?!?!

[–]senior_migz -1 points0 points ago

Curley?

[–]churchslayer -1 points0 points ago

I laughed because whenever we play cards with my friend and he gets a good hand he throws his hands up and yells pew pew and he looks like him to

[–]StruckingFuggle 0 points1 point ago

I've seen people who want to be cops in way better shape than this guy not even get into the application phase because they can't pass the above-average-requirements physical tests for the department ... how the heck do people in less than good physical condition keep becoming cops?

[–]spikey666 2 points3 points ago

Different places obviously have different requirments. Generally they only have their fitness evauluated when they join the force. After that they can let themselves go. So you might notice the younger cops tend to be in better shape. That said, plently of stocky dudes kick ass.

[–]fredy04 -1 points0 points ago

Ah, good old Vegas Metro. We have open carry laws in Nevada. Just don't do it near a cop or they will kill you...

[–]NicholasTheGr8t 0 points1 point ago

Fuck Yea!

[–]RevWaldo 0 points1 point ago

Soitainly!

[–]2Kew4Skew 0 points1 point ago

Kenny Powers had he not played baseball

[–]Peace_139 1 point2 points ago

Damn, third time today I found something on the front page that I seen on fb first. Reddit is slipping.

[–]LooseSweatshirt 1 point2 points ago

Anyone else read that in George W. Bush's voice?

[–]ogroskins 1 point2 points ago

Kudos. This has made me laugh way too hard. And yea, the apostrophe is wrong. but still good!

[–]DubstepCheetah -1 points0 points ago

God fucking dammit. I saw this on Facebook and thought, "hey that picture is fucking hysterical, maybe reddit would like it" and then I realized that reddit hated Facebook shit. FUCK YOU OP!

Ahhhhh......Upvote anyway

[–]Bikenutt -1 points0 points ago

I can smell the bacon and donuts oozing through my screen....yech.

[–]redhatGizmo 1 point2 points ago

Dat brain to chin ratio

[–]NYcop21 0 points1 point ago

Its funny, yeah. I agree, but that guy's a hero. fat security guard or not, he decided to put his life on the line and save a few others. that's bravery.

[–]10sigh 0 points1 point ago

like tinker?

[–]Sobertese -1 points0 points ago

He looks more like a "BLAM BLAM BLAM!" Kind of guy

[–]dedliyeti -1 points0 points ago

No wonder cops are so trigger happy... They are too fat to chase anyone.

[–]gloomyzombi 0 points1 point ago

I wanted to know what actually happened here. Then I remembered I was on reddit.

[–]Halgy 1 point2 points ago

Nyuck nyuck nyuck

[–]yaktoleft13 0 points1 point ago

"No Kenny, it doesn't go 'pew pew pew,' it goes BANG BANG BANG!"

[–]kpanik 0 points1 point ago

Nyuk Nyuk Nyuk, hey moe!

[–]thxv45 1 point2 points ago

I open the pic, and read the text in it. But my brain just went "Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk"

[–]HKR1 0 points1 point ago

Wearing just 1 time in service bar is really silly looking, isn't it? Is it just me. I find it silly looking.

[–]Lasers_go_PEWPEWPEW 1 point2 points ago

PEW PEW PEW Imgur

[–]timotheus_k 0 points1 point ago

Every once in a while, a post comes along that makes me laugh until I cry and cough uncontrollably. This was that kind of post. I loved it.

[–]ycaj 0 points1 point ago

Get your zappers, set them to pew.

[–]lovesquared -1 points0 points ago

I didn't even have to look at the pic, your title is awesome enough.

[–]ieJoMaFlo 0 points1 point ago

Wow this is the first time I've seen something on Facebook before Reddit

[–]Donkey-boner 0 points1 point ago

It's "Murica" wtf idiots get it right.

[–]heystoney -1 points0 points ago

America! Fuck yeah!!,

[–]grahampaige 0 points1 point ago

isnt that Curly? Nyuk Nyuk, Nyuk