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1831
1832

Houston, We Have A Problem... (i.imgur.com)

submitted ago by redmama

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[–]fattyhasarrived 200 points201 points ago

There is actually a piece of velcro on the inside of an astronauts helmet. It's the scratchy stuff, so he or she can scratch their noses whilst in space.

[–]theNumberTwelve 68 points69 points ago

What if his butt itches? Is there a little piece of Velcro for that?

[–]MyAssDoesHeeHawww 46 points47 points ago

Velcro will just get stuck on the crack hair. Some sort of self-wedgie device would hit the spot better, I reckon.

[–]finallymadeanaccount 98 points99 points ago

The History of Spaceflight: the Hidden Chapter

"Houston, we've got a problem."

"Roger, Discovery EVA, what's your problem?"

"My anus itches."

" ... "

"Houston?!"

"Uhh ... say again, DEVA1, your ..?"

"My. Anus. Is. Itchy!"

"Uhh ... uhh ... we're, ah ... we're consulting the manual, DEVA1. Standby."

"Standby? I'm floating in orbit! I'm floating in orbit with a itchy fucking anus!"

"Don't get your panties in a bunch, DEVA1. We're working on it."

"Oh, real fucking funny, Houston."

"DEVA1, we're gonna get Commander Jones to come join you on the EVA. He's got one of those big ol' space wrench thingies ... "

"What?!"

"We figure he can maybe wedge it between your legs and kinda shift it forward and back some."

"What?!"

[–]feyn2000 25 points26 points ago

"Hold on, DEVA1, Commander Jones' EVA Suit currently inoperable. We're going in with the RMS..."

EDIT: typo

[–]BusinessCasualty 9 points10 points ago

Aka the Canadarm for those familiar with space grabbers.

[–]Elv3n 1 point2 points ago

I am familiar with space and space related accessories, including space grabbers. There are precisely 3 space grabbers currently operational, the canadarm on the Space Station, the Rock Abrasion Tool (RAT) on MER-B Opportunity, and the Mars Hand Lens Imager (MAHLI) on MSL/Curiosity. Only the Canadarm is actually capable of grabbing, the rest are just space arms. Nonoperational space arms/grabbers include the RAT on MER-A Spirit and the Canadarm used on the retired Space Shuttles.

[–]BrianDawkins 3 points4 points ago

"If not, then just rub your asscrack on a pole sort of like a stripper does it."

[–]CajunTurkey 2 points3 points ago

I read this in the traditional radio voices, static noises even.

[–]CochMaestro 2 points3 points ago

"As some of you may have heard, there's a tickle in my anus. But I just wanted to tell you that armstrong has been spreading those rumors. I"M ON TO YOU ARMSTRONG!"

[–]JohnAbruzzi 1 point2 points ago

"Initiate return to Earth sequence"

[–]minimey 2 points3 points ago

i never thought shaving your ass might be a pre-req to going to space

[–]420neverforget 1 point2 points ago

Username relevant.

[–]samuraimonster 4 points5 points ago

Actually, they wear a special wedge of cloth that sits between the butt cheeks and keeps sweat from building up and causing itching sensa-no I have no idea.

[–]abumpdabump 1 point2 points ago

Skeeter, why the hell are you upside down in your space suit!

[–]Manome 10 points11 points ago

God damn it! I know one thing, ONE! THING! about space and you ruin it :(

But yeah... Velcro... Nose.

[–]semifraki 3 points4 points ago

My girlfriend and I got to have lunch with Story Musgrave a few years ago, and she asked him what astronauts do if their nose itches. This was his answer! Also, he was excited to answer it, because he was sick and tired of people asking "what's space like" or "what's it like to be weightless."

[–]Zachary9 0 points1 point ago

New caption; suck it bitches!

Go!

[–]LuckyCrowbar 1 point2 points ago

Did you find this out on StarTalk Radio? I ask because it's the only thing I have listened to for the past few weeks.

[–]AculticFly 0 points1 point ago

What if an eyelash falls in his eye?

[–]tuutruk 0 points1 point ago

With a voice command, the astronauts can have water blast their eyes to clean out any hairs.

[–]samuraimonster 1 point2 points ago

During the Apollo missions astronauts would use the tip of the straw for drinking water to scratch their nose itches. I do not know when they switched over to a specialized piece of velcro. ADVANCEMENT!

[–]Braddigan 0 points1 point ago

This kind of thinking is why Reddit loves NASA more than Congress.

[–]shootinputin 0 points1 point ago

They think of everything heh.

[–]jumpinjohnnycakes 58 points59 points ago

just recently started riding a motorcycle. hit my fingers against the helmet more times than i care to admit. still amusing every time

[–]greenyellowbird 18 points19 points ago

As a non-rider...I'll have to keep an eye out for this sort of behavior.

Then laugh to myself knowing what just happened.

[–]ReignOfTerror 3 points4 points ago

I know the feeling, buddy. Another thing I catch myself doing it trying to blow on things with the helmet still on. Even with the visor up, it's not possible.

[–]srowland 0 points1 point ago

What do you blow on while riding a motorcycle?

[–]ReignOfTerror 0 points1 point ago

Not while riding, afterwards before I take my helmet off.

[–]srowland 0 points1 point ago

Ahh got it.

[–]rarely_heard_opinion 3 points4 points ago

don't lift your hand off the bars.

EDIT: he "recently started". downvote me all you want, taking your hand off the bars, even the left and even momentarily, isn't a good move.

[–]always_sharts 1 point2 points ago

Yeah, i agree, once you are in the negative for comment points people just pattern match and downvote with the herd.

[–]akjake 26 points27 points ago

That's actually half of NASA's training program is preparing the astronauts for their itching noses while in space.

[–]rainicornschlong 14 points15 points ago

Half?

[–]meditonsin 53 points54 points ago

The other half is preparing for an itching ballsack.

[–]akatherder 6 points7 points ago

What if there's a spider in your helmet? You would be totally unprepared for that.

[–]praskit 4 points5 points ago

What if there's a wasp in your helmet? I guess you got to do what you got to do.

[–]ARedFez 6 points7 points ago

Suicide.

[–]pagaladmee 3 points4 points ago

eat it

[–]greenyellowbird 3 points4 points ago

I always wondered what velco would feel against genitalia.

[–]Echidnae 5 points6 points ago

Only one way to know, up to space.

[–]iammolotov 3 points4 points ago

I imagine you could probably figure it out on earth.

[–]nxqv 6 points7 points ago

You must be great at parties.

[–]RelaxingThought 0 points1 point ago

Well now my balls itch. Thanks.

[–]meditonsin 3 points4 points ago

While we are at it, you are now aware of the weight of your jaw, there is no comfortable place for your tongue in your mouth and you are blinking and breathing manually.

[–]iammolotov 6 points7 points ago

You are now aware of your balls in your mouth.

I've never been very good at these things.

[–]kd0fxp 28 points29 points ago

Off world problems...

[–]someguy945 7 points8 points ago

Far better title. Quick, repost!

[–]MetastableToChaos -4 points-3 points ago

Aahahahaahahahahaha

[–]jmdxsvhs15 40 points41 points ago

Houston, We've had a problem...

[–]JGoody 17 points18 points ago

Thanks. Probably the most often misquoted phrase ever.

[–]Shakespearean_Rumba 4 points5 points ago

Depends. Are they quoting Jim Lovell? Or quoting Tom Hanks playing Jim Lovell? Because they changed the line in the movie.

Also, in the context of the picture, that would be problem in the present tense. Not a problem that had already passed. Itchy nose? Current Problem.

Also Also, the most common misquote is probably from Empire Strikes Back. See "Luke, I am your father" vs "No. I am your father."

[–]RogerElmore 1 point2 points ago

Go on about the Lord Vader quote...

[–]maddzy 1 point2 points ago

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wf5iDCY8UO4

[–]wezdog1 8 points9 points ago

Problem, we've had a Houston.

[–]unusedalias 4 points5 points ago

That's what Texas says on a daily basis.

[–]RogerElmore 0 points1 point ago

Portland, you need two solutions.

[–]houzoids1 3 points4 points ago

Number of times iv'e heard that one... My name is Houston...

[–]Niflhe 3 points4 points ago

It's like everyone thinks they're being so original, but we've heard the same old tired jokes time after time. It gets old. It gets so fucking old.

[–]iammolotov 0 points1 point ago

I recently learned in a different reddit thread that saying "I guess it's free then" when something at the store doesn't scan is obnoxiously overused and funny exactly 0% of the time. I mean I didn't think I was the first person to think of the joke, but I didn't realize how incredibly unoriginal I was.

But this one, I mean come on, that's got to be the most obvious fucking joke ever. I'm sure you do get it all the time and it astounds me people actually still say it and think it's clever or funny.

[–]houzoids1 0 points1 point ago

Ya heard it so many time now that I just turn to them And say "you're gonna have a problem" In a joker voice and they immediately shut up. XD kills me every time to see their dreams and hopes to being funny shattered in an instance :) Well anyways back to looking at cats :)

[–]KallistiEngel 0 points1 point ago

Try being named Luke. Nothing but Star Wars references from the time I was a child.

[–]lurker_becomes_lurkd 2 points3 points ago

CTRL - F to find the guy who couldn't just let the joke be funny and had to correct it. Wasn't disappointed.

[–]mybreathyourlung 9 points10 points ago

Artwork by astronaut Alan Bean, for the curious. Met the guy, chill dude.

[–]iwantahouse 2 points3 points ago

Alan Bean is a customer of my sister's. The last two years at Christmas hes given her an autographed copy of his book of paintings. I can confirm he is a super nice guy.

[–]vladutzmihai 3 points4 points ago

Smaller problem than a boner in that situation

[–]everfalling 5 points6 points ago

or... bigger?

[–]skinniegenes 3 points4 points ago

What's a bonner

[–]gnSoul 3 points4 points ago

A boner you wear on your head.

[–]MeccIt 1 point2 points ago

Well, considering the astronaut will have it in a urination tube attached to a bag while suited up, getting one of those probably doesn't..er... arise.

[–]vladutzmihai 0 points1 point ago

Ok then... thanks for the specs. But in that case his problem it's worst

[–]Backpack_Stargazer 5 points6 points ago

It's honestly not that much of an issue. You can itch your nose on either the water tube, the purpose built metal bar near your nose or in dire straits the rice paper wrapped granola bar in the suit's helmet.

[–]Huronia 2 points3 points ago

Lemme guess - you also read William R. Pogue's "How do you go to bathroom in space?"

[–]Backpack_Stargazer 2 points3 points ago

Learned that in Space Camp (Huntsville AL) back during high school.

[–]Huronia 2 points3 points ago

Nice.

[–]purpleidea 1 point2 points ago

Cool... TIL there is a rice paper wrapped granola bar. Anyone have some good close ups about all the cool stuff?

[–]BallinYo69 5 points6 points ago

I itched My nose as I clicked on the link...Weird.

[–]agzisu 4 points5 points ago

Off World Problems

[–]ARedFez -1 points0 points ago

This deserves more up votes.

[–]SpiderDan1990 -1 points0 points ago

That picture has gotten so much funnier since yesterday when it was posted!

[–]Thefriendlyfaceplant 2 points3 points ago

Last time I didn't really quite get it but the penny dropped the second time.

[–]BrianDawkins 0 points1 point ago

Same thing happened to me too. Shouldn't matter right? It's not like anyone is going to be pissed that someone else had a successful repost of the same image. Right?

[–]SpaceManAndy 0 points1 point ago

This is why I am terrified to go scuba diving.

[–]nobleach 2 points3 points ago

You don't typically wear a full helmet when SCUBA diving, unless you're going really deep. But, part of the training for basic SCUBA involves taking off your mask under water and replacing it. You get so good at it, that itchiness isn't really an issue.

[–]SpaceManAndy 0 points1 point ago

Oh, cool! Maybe I'll give it a try then.

[–]nobleach 0 points1 point ago

Oh yeah, totally worthwhile. Dive instructors (known as divemasters) are usually pretty passionate about what they do and fairly eager to get others involved. It's like an exclusive club that can't wait to get new members. Mine were super excited every time I'd come over to borrow equipment and were glad to refill the tanks for free. They kept telling me how happy they were that I was sticking with it. They were the second set of husband wife divemaster teams that I've hung out with.... man... I sure hope divemasters aren't all swingers.

[–]alexmg2420 1 point2 points ago

nobleach has it right. Firstly, though, the nose pieces on dive masks are made of very flexible silicone, so you can just scratch or rub your nose through the mask like you normally would. If the itch is inside your nostril or something, you're trained to take your mask off, put it back on, and clear the water out of it. Actually, you're trained to take all of your gear off, put it back on, and keep on keepin' on with your dive.

[–]herrakonna -1 points0 points ago

I could think if worse things to itch during a space walk...

[–]WeldingMouse -1 points0 points ago

They can also rub it against their drink-tube.

[–]_Hank-Hill_ 0 points1 point ago

Out of this world problems

[–]apogee308 0 points1 point ago

he looks like he's doing a limbo

[–]justonecomment 1 point2 points ago

This entire thread is making me itch. I've scratched every body part mentioned so far.

[–]lolo1163 -1 points0 points ago

OH NOES!

[–]notsurewhatiam -1 points0 points ago

Lol this is really not funny.

[–]friendzonetobonezone 0 points1 point ago

How I drive myself insane at training as a volunteer firefighter 1: put on three different pieces of head protection B: put on big thick gloves 3rd: in the 2 mins of waiting between step B and going into the building, develop an itch on my face D: PANIC AND CANNOT STOP THINKING ABOUT THE ITCH IF I COULD JUST GET A FINGER IN THERE EVERYTHING WOULD BE BETTER BUT NO INSTEAD MY LIFE IS PURE TORTURE 5: repeat every single fucking time

[–]LiamtheFilmMajor 0 points1 point ago

I actually heard that you can have your helmet off in space for a limited amount of time. Although that might just be in the vacuum of deep space, I don't know about on the surface of the moon.

[–]Slanderpanic 0 points1 point ago

There's no atmosphere, so there's no difference. And that "limited amount of time" would be about half a second.

[–]LiamtheFilmMajor 1 point2 points ago

Fair enough, I had read somewhere that the unprotected space walk from 2001: A Space Odyssey was possible but maybe there are things that I'm not accounting for.

[–]Slanderpanic 0 points1 point ago

You're not going to explode or anything. Human skin is tough enough to hold you together in a pressure drop of one atmosphere. You'd swell up a lot and you'd lose consciousness from hypoxia within a few seconds of exposure.

Of course, that's just the raw vacuum. That's not taking into account the fact that space goes from one radical temperature extreme or the other. You'd freeze to death or boil alive in your own body water extremely quickly. And, if all of that didn't get you, lethal levels of solar and cosmic radiation would be sweeping through you.

[–]ComplainsAboutDvotes 1 point2 points ago

GODDAMMIT! Now my nose is itching.

[–]Ginnigan 0 points1 point ago

Reminds me of this BSG blooper of Katee Sackhoff (Starbuck).

[–]the_bell_jar 0 points1 point ago

This made me cringe so hard....

[–]Bennykill709 0 points1 point ago

That's why Astronauts have Cyanide capsules surgically implanted in their teeth.

[–]accretion 0 points1 point ago

I remember seeing a documentary about the apollo missions where they said before anyone got into their suit, they would stand there and scratch everywhere they itched since that once they suited up it was torture.

[–]R88SHUN 1 point2 points ago

The thought of being so utterly incapable of scratching my nose just made my nose itch. Luckily, I was able to scratch it.

[–]windmill69 0 points1 point ago

first man on the moon problems

[–]TheKamenWriter 1 point2 points ago

Off-World Problems

[–]SSOLM 0 points1 point ago

Conor Maynard - Cant Say No

[–]oldengeek -1 points0 points ago

Upvote for making me spit mountain dew all over my screen. The bubbles...pain...

[–]zuisei 1 point2 points ago

I itched my nose when I saw this.

[–]reindeer73 1 point2 points ago

John Madden!

[–]Qexodus 0 points1 point ago

As a Houstonian, AWH FUCKIN SHIT!

[–]bored_on_the_web 0 points1 point ago

I got my itch a nose. Itches love noses...

[–]Timid_Pimp 0 points1 point ago

I'm curious about what would happen if you vomit in your helmet.

[–]TheWhiteeKnight 0 points1 point ago

It would sink down to the bottom of the suit more likely.. It'd have a horrid smell, it'd probably be safe to assume you'd wanna get back to the lander as soon as possible.

[–]correctedgordon 0 points1 point ago

please tell me someone remember these commercials... "I'M FULL!!!!"

[–]Coolbreezy 0 points1 point ago

They have brushes inside the helmets for that.

[–]feelitallaround 1 point2 points ago

Fixed.

[–]GinjaNinger 0 points1 point ago

I just scratched my nose.

[–]othniel01 0 points1 point ago

first moon problems

[–]lettheflowgo 0 points1 point ago

Just lift up the mask. Nothing can go wrong.

[–]jtwFlosper -1 points0 points ago

reeeeeepoooooost

[–]candieman 0 points1 point ago

can i get a wallpaper version?

[–]Socky_McPuppet -2 points-1 points ago

Fuck it - you just take a deep breath, flip that visor up, scratch like mad and then slam the visor down before your blood boils and your face explodes.

I think I read you've got about 30 seconds.

[–]zwidmer -2 points-1 points ago

Only thing I could think of when I saw this: http://i.imgur.com/dj9KY.png

[–]Hero_of_Brandon -3 points-2 points ago

That would be wildly distracting.

[–]Javelineer 0 points1 point ago

Or what's worse; what if they have to sneeze?

[–]dotaadic -2 points-1 points ago

this really brings so much fun

[–]nate800 0 points1 point ago

What if he sneezes? Or pops a boner?

[–]atheistarmageddon -4 points-3 points ago

Anyone else read that at first as "No noise bitches!"

[–]The_Mosephus 0 points1 point ago

no

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