this post was submitted on
1,971 points (55% like it)
10,077 up votes 8,106 down votes
shortlink:

funny

subscribe2,506,296 readers

9,218 users here now

NEW! No gore or porn (including sexually graphic images). Other NSFW content must be tagged as such

Welcome to r/Funny:

You may only post if you are funny.

Please No:

  • posts with their sole purpose being to communicate with another redditor. Click for an Example.

  • Screenshots of reddit comment threads. Post a link with context to /r/bestof or /r/defaultgems if from a default subreddit instead.

  • Posts for the specific point of it being your reddit birthday.

  • Politics - This includes the 2012 Presidential candidates or bills in congress.

  • Rage comics - Go to /fffffffuuuuuuuuuuuu instead.

  • Memes - Go to /r/AdviceAnimals or /r/Memes instead.

  • Demotivational posters - Go to /r/Demotivational instead.

  • Pictures of just text - Make a self post instead.

  • DAE posts - Go to /r/doesanybodyelse

  • eCards - the poll result was 55.02% in favor of removal. Please submit eCards to /r/ecards

  • URL shorteners - No link shorteners (or HugeURL) in either post links or comments. They will be deleted regardless of intent.

Rehosted webcomics will be removed. Please submit a link to the original comic's site and preferably an imgur link in the comments. Do not post a link to the comic image, it must be linked to the page of the comic. (*) (*)

Need more? Check out:

Still need more? See Reddit's best / worst and offensive joke collections (warning: some of those jokes are offensive / nsfw!).

Please DO NOT post personal information. This includes anything hosted on Facebook's servers, as they can be traced to the original account holder.

If your submission appears to be banned, please don't just delete it as that makes the filter hate you! Instead please send us a message with a link to the post. We'll unban it and it should get better. Please allow 10 minutes for the post to appear before messaging moderators

The moderators of /r/funny reserve the right to moderate posts and comments at their discretion, with regard to their perception of the suitability of said posts and comments for this subreddit. Thank you for your understanding.

CSS - BritishEnglishPolice ©2011

a community for
to anything interesting: news article, blog entry, video, picture...
message the moderators

MODERATORS

reddit is a source for what's new and popular online. vote on links that you like or dislike and help decide what's popular, or submit your own! learn more ›

1970
1971

My people need me (imgur.com)

submitted ago by OrangeVodJuiceKa

all 185 comments
sorted by:
best
best
top
new
hot
controversial
old

[–]send-more-paramedics 94 points95 points ago

Poochie died on the way back to his home planet.

[–]TheTalkingCamelAnus 22 points23 points ago

That's why I'm presenting this sworn affidavit that Poochie will never, ever, ever return!

[–]DementedCrazoid 12 points13 points ago

This affidavit complies with all applicable laws and statutes.

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]Skizot_Bizot -1 points0 points ago

Simpsons ;)

[–]Skizot_Bizot 0 points1 point ago

I don't see why I am being downvoted.

The guy who is deleted above me was asking what show it is from.

I answered.... bad me?

[–]gabachocerote 1 point2 points ago

Perhaps because of the grammar? It's Simpsons, without the apostrophe. Have an upvote!

[–]Skizot_Bizot 0 points1 point ago

Actually didn't notice that. Posted it on a phone so autocorrect had to have thrown that in there.

[–]SinnerOfAttention -2 points-1 points ago

Jesus fucking christ really guy?

[–]Skizot_Bizot -1 points0 points ago

?

[–]david622 8 points9 points ago

Get me a chainsaw...... RUSTIER

[–]spartyguy8 124 points125 points ago

BRRUUUUUUUUUUUUUCE!

[–]Telusive 26 points27 points ago

I was at this game!

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]pakchooie 2 points3 points ago

Did you really use an ad based url redirect?

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

wtf, seriously? do not click, people!

[–]Molinkintov 0 points1 point ago

You look.... different

[–]Spaceball9 51 points52 points ago

Go Reds! :D

[–]RamblingSenileOldMan 31 points32 points ago

I had a friend named Bruce. We would go to the corner store together every day after school. "Give me a coca-cola!", he'd say. Back in those days, coca-cola cost a nickel. My father would make me earn that nickel. Every morning we would wake up before the sun rose and go out back. My job was to collect the eggs from the hens. I remember one hen. Her name was Bruce. Bruce always laid the biggest eggs I ever did see. One egg was big enough to feed the entire family for a month. A month! That hen was a gold-mine. Eventually we sold it to a man named Bruce. There was something about that Bruce that was always unsettling to me.

[–]alekinternational 9 points10 points ago

I was halfway through this until I read your username. Damn you.

[–]Petrarch1603 4 points5 points ago

please post more

[–]nineteen_eightyfour 8 points9 points ago

My tickets were only $16 for alright seats

[–]NavyDavie 3 points4 points ago

The first time I heard this at a game I thought everyone was booing him.

[–]spartyguy8 2 points3 points ago

SO DID I! And then my brother and my dad made fun of me...

[–]OracleJoe 4 points5 points ago

Bruce Almighty

[–]sikefoo 0 points1 point ago

Fish are friends, not food.

[–]waitetm 56 points57 points ago

This is the first time i came to the comments for the video, and its not here!

here it is

edit: fixed the link

[–]249ba36000029bbe9749 4 points5 points ago

Thanks for posting the video! ...unfortunately not nearly as funny as the still.

[–]waitetm 0 points1 point ago

no problem! and yea i know i was disappointed as well but figured everyone was as curious as i was.

[–]IndyRL 0 points1 point ago

Thanks for posting this, too many people have been insisting he can simply jump that high. Disappointing they could deduce that from the photo to be honest.

[–]CreedoNauxus 19 points20 points ago

He's Bruce Almighty.

[–]Sgt_Soggybottoms 15 points16 points ago

jay bruuuuuuuuuce lets go redlegs!

[–]ElCornballer 155 points156 points ago

Hey, if I discovered that I could fly, the first thing I would do is leave Cincinnati.

[–]Telusive 26 points27 points ago

F that Cincinnati has a winning baseball team at least!

[–]athinnes 6 points7 points ago

Fuck yes we do. GO REDS!

[–]Stxswim1 2 points3 points ago

BRUUUUUUUUCE

[–]CincyBOO 10 points11 points ago

This hurts me.

Cincinnati....I-I-I-I, ugh.

I'm speechless. My love for Cincy is deliciously addictive, like the warm gooey chili of Skyline, my disdain for you is as cold as a scoop of Graeter's Ice Cream, and I will do criminal things to you like the Bengals franchise.

Who-Dey.

[–]joke-complainer -1 points0 points ago

Mmmmmm... Skyline Chili. The thing I miss most way out here in CO. Not even WalMart can get the stuff out here :(

[–]chrishamer09 36 points37 points ago

and go to Cleveland?

[–]mctrigger 33 points34 points ago

where else would he go? detroit?

[–]britishguitar 21 points22 points ago

AT LEAST, WE'RE NOT, DETROOIT.

WE'RE NOT DETROIT.

[–]athinnes 15 points16 points ago

Chicago is 4-5 hours from Cincinnati. That's where I went.

[–]inferno10 0 points1 point ago

Not Detroit!

[–]UZUMATI-JAMESON 1 point2 points ago

It's so cold in the D.

[–]SelectaRx 10 points11 points ago

Ew, Gods no.

[–]FlockaFlameSmurf 5 points6 points ago

Obligatory

[–]SelectaRx 3 points4 points ago

Goddamnit. Thanks... I'm having flashbacks. Carny flashbacks. The worst kind.

[–]CakeBreath 0 points1 point ago

We'd all like to flee to the Cleve.

[–]wolfbaden6 11 points12 points ago

Travis Snider from the Pirates didn't fly yesterday, but he certainly gave Spiderman a run for his money. I'm thinking these players have bypassed performance enhancing drugs altogether and have moved on to straight radioactive material, science experiments gone wrong, and alien powers.

[–]phqu88 4 points5 points ago

Shit man if you're playing outfield and that was on home field why not incorporate training to climb that thing fast fast?

[–]Skeezin 0 points1 point ago

You know that he would have never gotten that high without a chain link fence though. He wouldn't have been able to get there with the blue padding.

[–]loverboyxD 0 points1 point ago

Eh, if you have the upper body strength, a monstrous vertical leap, and some strong legs, you might be able to jump/climb the blue padding with your cleats, grab the top and pull yourself up.

[–]Killer_Brig 18 points19 points ago

It's not that bad...

[–]athinnes 6 points7 points ago

It's actually getting a lot better. Over the Rhine is definitely on the up, as well as the downtown area as a whole.

[–]Killer_Brig 3 points4 points ago

I actually live in over the Rhine, it is on the up with the renovations and things going on.

[–]athinnes 2 points3 points ago

I went back to the area for the first time in like 4 years and wow has it changed. Restaurants, shops, and bars everywhere. We ate at Bakersfield, they had some really delicious Tacos. It really felt a lot like Chicago (where I live now), and that's something I have never felt about Cincinnati. Just a really cool urban area with a good vibe. Not to mention Washington park, which is really really nice.

[–]Killer_Brig 0 points1 point ago

Glad to see some people come back. For a while it felt like it was a place people couldn't wait to leave.

[–]Firestoner 0 points1 point ago

Bakersfield is awesome man! Next stop is The Senate right across the street. Poutine, duck fries and gourmet hot dogs. Fucking Delicious.

[–]athinnes 0 points1 point ago

We actually meant to go to The Senate, but for some odd reason they are closed for lunch on Saturdays. Decided to go across the street instead, we were not disappointed.

[–]That_guy_said_it 0 points1 point ago

Was at MPMF last night, great time. I had never been to the Emery Theatre, awesome venue.

[–]juseipel43 3 points4 points ago

Fuck yeah. We have a street ca.... You know what, nevermind

[–]spartyguy8 11 points12 points ago

DON'T MAKE PHUN OF MAH CITEHHH!

[–]cincylvania 7 points8 points ago

Why? I just moved here and love it. You should try to live in Baltimore/Central PA/Philly area for a few months and see how it is. Hint: TRAFFIC

[–]Vexacion 1 point2 points ago

Did you really just group central PA in with major cities? The only rough traffic to be found in central PA is in State college when there is a penn state football game.

[–]cincylvania 0 points1 point ago

...and most of that traffic comes from...Harrisburg! Right up 22/322. If you really want to get technical, I'm referring to the South Central PA area.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/South_Central_Pennsylvania

EDIT: Harrisburg metropolitan area

[–]Vexacion 0 points1 point ago

So just say Harrisburg

Central PA is actually extremely rural. There is no traffic but long distances to travel to get anywhere

[–]Sneets 9 points10 points ago

Stop bashing my fucking city, it's awesome and we're coming back baby.

[–]ElCornballer 4 points5 points ago

Liking the city pride! But just to clear the air, my comment was a joke. Plus, AJ Green's performance is the only thing keeping my fantasy football team alive.

[–]Sneets 1 point2 points ago

:)

[–]civ_iv_fan 3 points4 points ago

the sunbelt neeeeeeds me

[–]jorsiem 4 points5 points ago

As someone who stopped for a night in cincinnati on a road trip, all I can say is: it's aa'ight.

At least the downtown area, good chilli btw.

[–]NavyDavie 0 points1 point ago

You talkin' 'bout Skyline? Fuck yeah.

[–]jorsiem 1 point2 points ago

Yes. also, on my way out of the city I stopped in Blue Ash chilli. Holy shit that was incredible.

[–]stlunatic15 21 points22 points ago

Not sure if it's just the angle of the picture, but that guy can jump incredibly high.

[–]YouRackaDisciprine 42 points43 points ago

He probably vaulted off the wall. You can see the imprint of his cleats on the right leg of the A in "Great".

[–]buttking 9 points10 points ago

Those could really be anyone's, not just his.

[–]tesseracter 11 points12 points ago

video in this comment shows the vault.

[–]YouRackaDisciprine 9 points10 points ago

Yeah I know. But it didn't seem that unlikely given where they are, the direction they're facing, and where he is.

[–]girlonfirex12 -1 points0 points ago

It's him. Jay Bruce can jump pretty high. That's what makes him a great outfielder

[–]csgoodri 3 points4 points ago

I don't know that looks like hes at or near 4 feet off the ground.

[–]IndyRL 16 points17 points ago

Yeah, he is coming down after running up the wall to make an attempt at that ball the crowd is looking over their shoulder at. Not sure why some people are having trouble figuring this out.

Anyone who thinks that guy can jump this high off the ground do not have their perspective based in reality.

[–]Platypus81 13 points14 points ago

He's not jumping, he's quite obviously levitating.

[–]Reesch 5 points6 points ago

Guys, he's flying. Did nobody else read the title?

[–]IndyRL 0 points1 point ago

Now the OP's title and the levitate comments are funny as hell, but the people seriously insisting that Jay Bruce jumped that high are not that bright.

[–]IndyRL 2 points3 points ago

No way. You're delusional. He ran up the wall, and that is him coming down.

[–]WalrusTits 6 points7 points ago

Yea but there's this new thing called critical thinking out where we can determine the most likely scenario for a given situation.

[–]zen_monkey 1 point2 points ago

Those could really be anyone's [cleat marks]

OJ Simpson's!

[–]vahntitrio 1 point2 points ago

Exactly this. As a ball player fences (especially chain link) are pretty easy to climb. Punch your strong foot into the fence, then vault until you get a hold of the top of the fence, then use your arm to vault higher. Even if its a ten foot fence its pretty easy to get your waist to the top. He is actually probably on his way down realizing he couldn't reach the homerun.

[–]darkwasthenight 13 points14 points ago

The name's Jay Bruce and I rock the telly, I'm half Joe Camel and a third Fonzarelli

[–]cbhaga01 6 points7 points ago

Am I the only one who is weirded out by the guy with the freakishly dark eyes in the top left corner?

[–]Hoodooz39 2 points3 points ago

Ooooh, he is freaky. Not just that he has dark eyes but he has a seriously evil expression as well.

[–]noone1569 1 point2 points ago

Yeah, he's definitely using his evilness to levitate the player.

[–]craniumonempty 1 point2 points ago

He's preventing him from flying away imo

[–]SwimmerFan 6 points7 points ago

brruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucceeee.

[–]briandiego -1 points0 points ago

woooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

[–]SwimmerFan 1 point2 points ago

Ha are you from cinci? on 700 yesterday Jones was bitching about how people woo.

[–]Dynamite23 30 points31 points ago

I was watching this game. (reds fan. GO REDS! ) This was the secound day in a row that he jumped that high to go for a ball. Bruce, good right fielder. LET THE DOWNVOTES BEGIN.

[–]irndk10 0 points1 point ago

He planted off the wall. He did not jump that high. http://mlb.mlb.com/video/play.jsp?content_id=25128279&topic_id=&c_id=mlb&tcid=tw_video_25128279

[–]Dynamite23 0 points1 point ago

I know. I felt like I didn't have to say that. Kinda implied it. but all well.

[–]Iseeyourvaluenow 1 point2 points ago

LET THE DOWNVOTES BEGIN

Didn't know he was considered bad. He's at least average.

[–]Dynamite23 1 point2 points ago

I know. I was saying that, because i'm a reds fan, people would automatically start down-voting. Alot of people seems to hate the reds for some reason.

[–]Limabean231 0 points1 point ago

He's not considered bad, it's just his batting average is too low to put him in the upper echelon of players. He's so streaky, if it all could click for him he could put up a MVP type of year. Still, 34 home runs and 98 RBI isn't bad at all, it's great.

[–]Iseeyourvaluenow -1 points0 points ago

I was just talking about his defense. However, if you're seriously trying to determine player value, batting average and RBI's aren't very valuable measurements.

[–]Limabean231 0 points1 point ago

Yeah, I agree, he sits somewhere between average and great defensively. As far as player value goes, what would you use to judge a player? I mean, you could use WAR or other sabermetrics, but I hesitate to put too much weight on either side (advanced stats v. traditional). You can't just neglect RBI, because in the end it's about scoring runs.

[–]Iseeyourvaluenow 0 points1 point ago

For hitting I would use wOBA or even OPS, which really isn't sabermetrics but way better. Overall WAR would be better, but the defensive metrics aren't really reliable. RBI's are way too dependent on context of at-bats.

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]aoeu00 -1 points0 points ago

low expectations, high gains?

[–]MKSLAYER97 1 point2 points ago

Reverse psychology.

[–]saywutz 3 points4 points ago

Its too bad everyone is caught up with the baseball and not watching him levitate

[–]crimson117 2 points3 points ago

It's "My planet needs me." Not "people".

[–]TheTalkingCamelAnus 1 point2 points ago

It's like if you're going to reference something, google search it before to make sure it's right.

[–]humongous 1 point2 points ago

I have the feeling that " My people need me" is far more used, the original reference is not that important, and tbh "my people need me" sounds way more derpy and fun

[–]crimson117 -1 points0 points ago

But whole point of the gag was that the one dubbed line re-estabilshed him as an alien from another planet - not a foreigner who has people in need somewhere.

[–]Thatjsthapn 7 points8 points ago

Angels in the Outfield...clearly

[–]blazingboom 8 points9 points ago

Reds in the Outfield.

[–]Dabuscus214 1 point2 points ago

Always confuse the teams while watching highlights on sportscenter

[–]headwrong 6 points7 points ago

Clark Kent go home, you are drunk.

[–]JellyBeanKruger 0 points1 point ago

First thing I saw was the red eagle outline and somehow my brain fashioned it as a cartoonish jump-squiggle for the non-grounded dude. I found it pretty funny.

[–]Seamonkeyknifefight 1 point2 points ago

I'm guessing that if his arm was out, he could have caught it

[–]undrew 0 points1 point ago

Only if his arm was 10 feet long. He jumped for it, but there was no way he was going to get there.

[–]SkepticalGerm 0 points1 point ago

I'm sure you know how to use his arm better than he does.

[–]southpawdrummer -1 points0 points ago

Upvote for the username. It's been a while since I've heard that one. One of my favorite lines from that show.

[–]Heartzz -1 points0 points ago

Up up and away!

[–]RageDoll 0 points1 point ago

I don't know, he looks disappointed. Maybe his people don't need him?

[–]TheJrose 0 points1 point ago

Ironman?

[–]eap1809 0 points1 point ago

I am Bruce Almighty! My will be done!

[–]WigglyFinArms -1 points0 points ago

Wow this didn't make it like a day of MLB's facebook. Jay Bruce can really jump that high. Not shopped...

[–]IndyRL 0 points1 point ago

Surely you mean he can run up the wall that high?

[–]fiskeben 0 points1 point ago

This is evidence that aliens walk among us and have infiltrated MLB and other important sports.

[–]oyandake 1 point2 points ago

I Love Jay Bruce!!!

[–]Mawds 0 points1 point ago

It's funny, I was playing Borderlands 2 yesterday and while I was in Moxxxi's a guy at the bar said "I must go, my people need me". I lol'd turned around expecting something but he just sat there. I was a bit disappointed.

[–]gmoney1393 0 points1 point ago

I think he's going super sayian

[–]Froqwasket 0 points1 point ago

EAT AMERICA

[–]weedsches 0 points1 point ago

/r/photoshopbattles

[–]HelloWuWu 1 point2 points ago

Can we put a Superman cape on this guy?

[–]bnj7146 1 point2 points ago

I'm not a huge sports fan, but it's still nice getting compliments on the Reds performance this year when people find out I'm from Cinci all the way in north Carolina

[–]MKSLAYER97 -1 points0 points ago

First thing I noticed; he's a lefty.

[–]dogismyname2 -1 points0 points ago

Just hanging out.

[–]madacin -1 points0 points ago

I know the girl freaking out with the orange hat in the middle and the dude in the red shirt trying to catch the ball. Go redlegs.

[–]darknessflamegundam -1 points0 points ago

this guy is floating he's from dbz

[–]Panda_Undies -1 points0 points ago

I'd be kind of pissed if I was flying in front of the crowd and all they were worried about was the baseball coming into the stands.

[–]Bluedemonfox -1 points0 points ago

...and nobody is looking :P

[–]thelbane 0 points1 point ago

I hate it when games glitch like this. More QA plz.

[–]djskein 0 points1 point ago

The most amazing thing is that no one is noticing him levitating in mid-air, they're all looking at something else in the crowd.

[–]dlydon89 0 points1 point ago

Home town team! WOOT!

[–]ijustlookatpics 0 points1 point ago

That sir is my cousin (for real) and if he can indeed fly I can guarantee you the gene did not come from his moms side of the family! But he can most certainly hit a baseball!

[–]UndeadPixels -1 points0 points ago

Photoshopbattles!

[–]Schlot 1 point2 points ago

BRUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCE.

[–]KulaanDoDinok 0 points1 point ago

Wut

[–]harvest3155 1 point2 points ago

lets hope these powers also let him hit the ball in October.

[–]drempire 0 points1 point ago

looks like a glitch in a game

[–]blueraft -1 points0 points ago

Jay Bruce 6' 3"
Someone do the math on that vertical leap, please.

[–]blueraft 1 point2 points ago

There is a cleat mark on the wall. He could have used it to get higher.

[–]IndyRL 1 point2 points ago

http://mlb.mlb.com/video/play.jsp?content_id=25128279&topic_id=&c_id=mlb&tcid=tw_video_25128279

[–]blueraft 0 points1 point ago

Ah, good man.

[–]dirtmerchant1980 -1 points0 points ago

Avert your eyes mortals!

[–]seandr 0 points1 point ago

and they all need me in the party

[–]Dillon74 0 points1 point ago

The truth is .. I am iron man

[–]Arty_Yo 0 points1 point ago

The rapture!

[–]munge_me_not 0 points1 point ago

I like how everyone is looking up at the mother ship.

[–]PokingSmot 0 points1 point ago

Mindfreak

[–]Acdc4dustin 0 points1 point ago

I'm from Cincy and left for Orlando. I'm now back in Cincy because Florida was terrible. Ohio isn't that bad honestly. Oh and GO REDS!

[–]GoldenFalcon 0 points1 point ago

He's totally making the "Superman, watching the world from space" stance.

[–]drtheng 0 points1 point ago

Bruce almighty in real life eh?

[–]Windyvale 0 points1 point ago

Looks like he's flipping off the ground.

[–]TheVinceHimself 0 points1 point ago

This must be a game by bethesda.

[–]PirateVikingNinja 0 points1 point ago

Fuck all that. I'd go to DC. Nationals all the way.

[–]rocketwidget 0 points1 point ago

Dude has some serious ups.

[–]bigdhunned -1 points0 points ago

Jay got up!

[–]Theobroma1000 0 points1 point ago

Huh. Guess they CAN jump.

[–]DarkSideofOZ 1 point2 points ago

I think the cleat shoe mark on the A behind him is how he got that high.

[–]therainbowdasher 0 points1 point ago

Is he a sayian?

[–]Schizophreud 0 points1 point ago

Holy crap! The Rapture has begun. Time for all you atheists to start praying ;)

[–]SecretlyGayHorse 0 points1 point ago

Nice how everyone is looking away from the floating guy.

[–]Wolfmanatee 0 points1 point ago

Holy fucking vertical leap, Batman!

[–]IndyRL 0 points1 point ago

http://mlb.mlb.com/video/play.jsp?content_id=25128279&topic_id=&c_id=mlb&tcid=tw_video_25128279

[–]Wolfmanatee 0 points1 point ago

THAT'S CHEATING

[–]this_is_who_I_am 0 points1 point ago

BRUUUUCE!!

GO REDS!

[–]MasterRonin 0 points1 point ago

Noclip Activated....

[–]purevanity -1 points0 points ago

Beam me up Scotty

Use of this site constitutes acceptance of our User Agreement and Privacy Policy. © 2012 reddit inc. All rights reserved.

REDDIT and the ALIEN Logo are registered trademarks of reddit inc.

π Rendered by PID 28409 on app-80 running 36b3b59.