this post was submitted on
1,684 points (54% like it)
10,840 up votes 9,156 down votes

funny

subscribe2,670,593 readers

6,991 users here now

Results of the facebook poll

Reminder: Political posts are not permitted in /r/funny. Try /r/PoliticalHumor instead!

NEW! No gore or porn (including sexually graphic images). Other NSFW content must be tagged as such

Welcome to r/Funny:

You may only post if you are funny.

Please No:

  • posts with their sole purpose being to communicate with another redditor. Click for an Example.

  • Screenshots of reddit comment threads. Post a link with context to /r/bestof or /r/defaultgems if from a default subreddit instead.

  • Posts for the specific point of it being your reddit birthday.

  • Politics - This includes the 2012 Presidential candidates or bills in congress. Try /r/politicalhumor instead.

  • Rage comics - Go to /r/fffffffuuuuuuuuuuuu instead.

  • Memes - Go to /r/AdviceAnimals or /r/Memes instead.

  • Demotivational posters - Go to /r/Demotivational instead.

  • Pictures of just text - Make a self post instead.

  • DAE posts - Go to /r/doesanybodyelse

  • eCards - the poll result was 55.02% in favor of removal. Please submit eCards to /r/ecards

  • URL shorteners - No link shorteners (or HugeURL) in either post links or comments. They will be deleted regardless of intent.

Rehosted webcomics will be removed. Please submit a link to the original comic's site and preferably an imgur link in the comments. Do not post a link to the comic image, it must be linked to the page of the comic. (*) (*)

Need more? Check out:

Still need more? See Reddit's best / worst and offensive joke collections (warning: some of those jokes are offensive / nsfw!).


Please DO NOT post personal information. This includes anything hosted on Facebook's servers, as they can be traced to the original account holder.


If your submission appears to be banned, please don't just delete it as that makes the filter hate you! Instead please send us a message with a link to the post. We'll unban it and it should get better. Please allow 10 minutes for the post to appear before messaging moderators


The moderators of /r/funny reserve the right to moderate posts and comments at their discretion, with regard to their perception of the suitability of said posts and comments for this subreddit. Thank you for your understanding.


CSS - BritishEnglishPolice ©2011

a community for

reddit is a source for what's new and popular online. vote on links that you like or dislike and help decide what's popular, or submit your own! learn more ›

top 200 commentsshow all 255

[–]wowgamer245 258 points259 points ago

Peter mother fucking Dinklage!

[–]makinganotheraccount 48 points49 points ago

I knew it was Tyrion...

[–]black19 50 points51 points ago

No, that's an angry elf

[–]anusface 6 points7 points ago

call him elf one more time!

[–]ilikecommunitylots 2 points3 points ago

He's a South Pole elf

[–]Level_32_Mage 12 points13 points ago

He's a dwarf, you jackass.

[–]DaUsed 20 points21 points ago

Imp

[–]ShitOnMyFartingBoner 16 points17 points ago

I hear he hates that name

[–]AfterAscon 13 points14 points ago

#yollo

[–][deleted] 13 points14 points ago

As a mexican, i read that as yoyo

[–]AxelCaprio 1 point2 points ago

I wonder if we'll get beads if we kill him..

[–]TheRealRockNRolla 6 points7 points ago

Apparently Lannisters make poor prison visitors.

[–]makinganotheraccount 4 points5 points ago

And Jaime was so gracious...

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]Dr3vvn45ty 9 points10 points ago

Sister

[–]TheGullGuy 0 points1 point ago

Don't be silly, he's missing an eye, not a nose.

[–]Buddha_is_fat 6 points7 points ago

I want him to do an AMA

[–]Lord_Ciar 3 points4 points ago

seconded.

[–]wowgamer245 0 points1 point ago

that would be awesome!

[–]unhhoh12 8 points9 points ago

I would rather that you called him the Imp

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]unhhoh12 1 point2 points ago

All dwarves are bastards in their father's eyes

[–]WolfInTheField 2 points3 points ago

(P)Imp

[–]wowgamer245 0 points1 point ago

(p)imp!

[–]Artfeint[S] 1 point2 points ago

Fuckin right!

[–]wowgamer245 0 points1 point ago

Hell yeah

[–]ArgonGryphon 0 points1 point ago

That movie was just...weird.

[–]criticasartist 1 point2 points ago

I love that movie!

[–]infiniteloop12 29 points30 points ago

Would your ex girlfriend be named Tammy, perhaps?

[–]MorphotheDragon 109 points110 points ago

[–]Pdiamond 0 points1 point ago

So. Fucking. Perfect.

[–]imafunghi 21 points22 points ago

which Tammy?

[–]zsdazey 9 points10 points ago

That Tammy. You know.

[–]Pixeleyes 12 points13 points ago

Tammy 1 or Tammy 2?

[–]Artfeint[S] 6 points7 points ago

Does it matter?

[–]Jackski 6 points7 points ago

Oh yes, I'd rather take my chances with Tammy 2 than Tammy 1.

[–]DeShawnThordason 11 points12 points ago

Tysha, and I don't want to talk about it.

[–]Malajube117 0 points1 point ago

She went where whores go

[–]Artfeint[S] 16 points17 points ago

Sammy... Unless...

http://i.imgur.com/nFI5p.gif

Oh god

[–]kyL617 5 points6 points ago

That gif is fucking genius.

[–]Artfeint[S] -1 points0 points ago

Yeah it is!

[–]Haydenk13 64 points65 points ago

So you feel short with her?

[–]Artfeint[S] 150 points151 points ago

[–]JakeofNewYork 8 points9 points ago

Rajiv!!!!

[–]jaglo87 2 points3 points ago

Indeed damnit I miss that show. What if Outsourced got outsourced.

[–]JakeofNewYork 1 point2 points ago

Man I feel you, I fucking loved that show! What was the reasoning behind cancellation? Ratings?

[–]SuminderJi 0 points1 point ago

Yea the show picked up steam in the last few episodes, then bam!

[–]DK_Pooter 0 points1 point ago

This is from the Dictator

[–]joe128687 1 point2 points ago

Please tell me your username is a Dark Tower reference. I want to upvote so badly.

[–]jaglo87 20 points21 points ago

As an Indian I approve this gif.

[–]Artfeint[S] 12 points13 points ago

As a Hispanic, hello fellow minority!

[–]hoonmaster 47 points48 points ago

Indian

minority

k

[–]AlkarinValkari 7 points8 points ago

If its not white its a minority...I'm not being racist, just ignorant.

[–]jaglo87 14 points15 points ago

Quick he is onto us run run fellow minorities run!

[–]LNMagic 2 points3 points ago

Why do I feel like I'm the only non-minority around here?

[–]jaglo87 1 point2 points ago

FTW I'll make you Indian happy.

[–]jaglo87 3 points4 points ago

Quick Arizona is onto us run my fellow Mexican run I'll meet you in the future.

[–]Artfeint[S] 2 points3 points ago

Woah woah woah ain't nobody said nothing about being Mexican. Salvi pride lmao but run my amigo run. I'll give you a lift if you need it!

[–]eifersucht12a 7 points8 points ago

Pssst. You're all Mexican to them.

thatsthejoke.jpg

[–]Artfeint[S] 3 points4 points ago

You shut your dirty whoreish mouth you!

[–]jaglo87 0 points1 point ago

ಠ_ಠ

[–]jaglo87 1 point2 points ago

I see what you did there. You don't want anyone to know you're Mexican I got it I got it . Haha did you just call me an amigo ಠ_ಠ better than 7/11 clerk so it's fine

[–]pulezan 0 points1 point ago

Why is he a minority? What if he lives in India?

[–]ThrasherContinue 1 point2 points ago

HAHAH PEOPLE THINK I'M HISPANIC but i'm indian

[–]golden-boy 12 points13 points ago

Nah, he feel's like a one-eyed peter.

[–]Minotaur_in_house 2 points3 points ago

I... Did not see that one coming. Bravo? Or what not?

Listen I have no idea how to congratulate you on catching me off guard. Take my appreciation and just go.

[–]TomHardon 16 points17 points ago

WHAT MOVIE/SHOW IS THIS FROM? ------------in caps for attention-gathering purposes, thank you.

[–][deleted] 19 points20 points ago

[–]ebz37 4 points5 points ago

thanks for answering that it was killing me!

[–]Blastface 1 point2 points ago

God that sounds shit.

I got as far as "A modern romantic tale about a young aristocratic heiress born under a curse" and closed the page.

[–]toekneebullard 10 points11 points ago

Its better than it sounds.

[–]Blastface 9 points10 points ago

That can't be hard

[–]Symbiotx 0 points1 point ago

Not as hard as I am.

[–]ScarletRhi 8 points9 points ago

It is actually really quite good.

[–]tinybomb 4 points5 points ago

It's a really sweet, great movie actually. Very underrated.

[–]jtroeh00 5 points6 points ago

Penelope... Very whimsical, a great flick! Also, James McAvoy!!!

[–]TomHardon 1 point2 points ago

Gratis. Will check out.

[–]jtroeh00 0 points1 point ago

Prego

[–]Nescient_Dog 4 points5 points ago

Mind you, there are versions with this part cut off. My ex borrowed this movie and when this part approached I was all giggles because I had already seen this gif... And nothing, the damn thing was cut.

I am guessing is an international version, for a country with very strict controls, and this part had to be removed to retain a PG rating. That's my guess anyways.

[–]saltygoodness27 2 points3 points ago

It's in the bloopers section of the DVD

[–]Nescient_Dog 0 points1 point ago

Ah, damn me, missed it. Alright, thank you, I hope others don't miss it.

[–]Sleeqb7 42 points43 points ago

You get my upvotes because that happened to me and then I listened to that bitch, so props to you for having the correct response.

[–]firsttracks22 15 points16 points ago

I fell for this one too (although in my case the genders were reversed). In hindsight, flipping the bird would definitely have been the way to go.

[–]risto1116 14 points15 points ago

( •_•)>⌐■-■

Sounds like you guys were being...

(⌐■_■)

short-sighted.

[–]DrMaggit 2 points3 points ago

What happened to the "YEAAAAAAAH"? There was supposed to be an earth-shattering "YEAAAAAAAH"!

[–]Sleeqb7 0 points1 point ago

I actually am short sighted.

There y'go.

[–]Artfeint[S] 6 points7 points ago

People can change but it takes time and even then, once it's been broken the first time, there's no magic left the second time around.

[–]pawle 1 point2 points ago

Man this is hard to believe, right now. My girlfriend just broke up with me on Wednesday after about a year. This is the third time (ugh) that we've broken up and she treats me like shit. But for some reason, I keep taking her back when she calls wanting to apologize for all the stuff she's done. This time is different tho, she decided to tell me that she cheated on me over the weekend, but she tells me this after we broke up...just to add insult to injury. Then today she decides that we should still be friends after all that (keep in mind this all happened within the past 36 hours) and that I'm being "dramatic", "cruel", and not "cordial" because I said it wasn't going to happen. Even after I told her I forgive her. What the hell is happening here?

I know there's a light at the end of that tunnel, but I can't quite see it yet. It's good to know that time does heal the wounds. I just hope I don't end up with scars.

[–]Artfeint[S] 5 points6 points ago

Know what man I'm just your average joe but if I may, you gotta drop her man. She'll say whatever it takes to get what she wants. She'll try friendly unless that doesn't work then she'll switch to bitchy. She'll use sex or she'll turn downright shitty if you let her (which in my opinion she already has telling you she cheated) you need to stop talking to her. You loved her. Nothing wrong with that but because of it your mind and decisions are clouded by that fact. You need to put some distance between you and her and close any means for you her to contact you short of her showing up on your doorstep. And even then your "not home" I never understood why my ex did this to me. You want some grounded reason but in the end, some people are just shitty. That's all there is to it. Stay clear and fill up your time with other things. Ride a bike paint a picture play with your dick if you gotta, but start living without her. It might be the opposite of what you wanna do but it's what you need to do. Find your friends again. Go to lunch with mom. Read a book. Just live dude. Life goes on if you let it.

[–]pawle 1 point2 points ago

I know. You're absolutely right. There's that little voice in my head, though, constantly creeping up saying "hey, just get this one last point in and she'll see how great you are to her and never want to leave again". Asshole voice. Truth is, she's not a bad person. We're just at different points in our lives.

I have to figure out how to cut her off 100%. Seeing anything about her brings up good and bad memories, which is bad. Of course, everything reminds me of her right now, though.

[–]Artfeint[S] 0 points1 point ago

Fuck that voice. I hate him. He's an asshole. You have the ability to ignore him if you try. Hey your gonna do what your gonna do. Just try to take care of yourself before you take care of her. Obviously that's what she's doing. Stay strong brother.

[–]joeywas 2 points3 points ago

Don't talk to her, delete her from your phone, facebook, etc etc. It is not healthy to interact with her any further.

edit: Amputation is sometimes the best medicine.

[–]pawle 0 points1 point ago

Amputation is sometimes the best medicine

sad but true, thanks joey. I've unfriended her on everything I can think of, hid every fb photo of us (didnt take a lot of effort, i dont fb much), and collected all of her things into my garage. I plan on dropping them off at her mother's later today.

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]Artfeint[S] 4 points5 points ago

But you can't make a ho a housewifeee!

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]Artfeint[S] 3 points4 points ago

Aww that's how we learn man. I'm a hot stove kinda guy. It gets better.

[–]huntsvillian 2 points3 points ago

ho's don't act right

[–]Artfeint[S] 3 points4 points ago

they don't act wrong if ya know what i mean. nudge nudge

[–]Artfeint[S] 3 points4 points ago

It's taken some time and I've made that mistake with others. Now a days when they come back I just juke stiff arm em and run like the wind.

[–]YouHaveShitTaste 2 points3 points ago

I fell for this one too. Turned out she had, and everything was great.

rabblerabblerabble all women are lying whores ron paul reddit!

[–]sleevey 0 points1 point ago

Me too. so have an upvote of commiseration.

[–]shootthezom 1 point2 points ago

A month ago I would have listened too if it had happened with my ex (it didn't ) Since, I have met a girl so much better in every way that it seems crazy to think of considering it now.

[–]Scribblenerd 11 points12 points ago

Wise decision, maybe. How long has it been?

[–]Artfeint[S] 62 points63 points ago

6 years. I don't feel any hostility towards her, I'm over it, but I don't care if she's changed she's not in my life anymore and I'd like to keep it that way.

[–]THREEinINK 21 points22 points ago

Good man. You keep thinking like that, the past has nothing but problems. Good Riddance!

[–]Artfeint[S] 20 points21 points ago

The present is a present. The past can kiss my ass!

[–]melokoton 5 points6 points ago

Seems like she wants to.

[–]syphilitic 12 points13 points ago

Did you ever smell her panties?

[–]Artfeint[S] 20 points21 points ago

Doesn't every guy smell their ladies panties, or am I just fucking weird?

[–]colon_capital_D 15 points16 points ago

no no, i think we all do

[–]Artfeint[S] 15 points16 points ago

[–]birdeatingbird 4 points5 points ago

TIL??!

[–]syphilitic 2 points3 points ago

Any cool stains?

[–]Artfeint[S] 12 points13 points ago

Only the ones I left on em. ;)

[–]accdodson 9 points10 points ago

Be strong man. If my ex wanted me back, I don't know if I could be like you. you are a leader among men!

[–]Artfeint[S] 7 points8 points ago

Oh sir it's been six years time. When it was still fresh I'd probably have gotten back with her. Took me a long time to know better. Stay strong my friend.

[–]AlkarinValkari 6 points7 points ago

Upvotes for all you fine gentlemen, its been about 2.5 years with my ex and I've finally progressed to the point of when we try to get back together I just insult her a lot and then leave...ITS GETTING BETTER DAMNIT.

[–]Artfeint[S] 2 points3 points ago

Whatever keeps you away from the succubus!

[–]zippeh 7 points8 points ago

Brohug. Fight the good fight

[–]Artfeint[S] 2 points3 points ago

Right back at ya brother!

[–]adamluna00 6 points7 points ago

Said like a true gentleman.

[–]Artfeint[S] 2 points3 points ago

I try.

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points ago

Upvote for you, sir

[–]Artfeint[S] 4 points5 points ago

And one for you too my good sir.

[–]verynicce 2 points3 points ago

Good job bro jo

[–]Artfeint[S] 2 points3 points ago

Thank you brodontasaurus Rex.

[–]maadvocate 16 points17 points ago

I been there...for a couple years. Get over her, don't follow her on facebook (such things are indeed possible), start thinking about other girls. It's tough but you can do it.

When your ex makes contact with you, decide whether its good for you to communicate back--usually it won't be. Every moment spent thinking about her or communicating with her is a moment spent not moving on with your new life.

If it was meant to be it was meant to be and real emotions will overcome, but most likely it wasn't and its time to start looking for the next girl who might make your life near-complete.

[–]Artfeint[S] 11 points12 points ago

I appreciate the words sir but the need to take such actions have long passed. I am actually proud to say, I just asked out the girl I've been talking to and she said yes! Fuck yeah! America!

[–]ikinone 5 points6 points ago

What's America got to do with it?

[–]Artfeint[S] 7 points8 points ago

What love got to do with it? What's love but a second hand emotion.

[–]ikinone 0 points1 point ago

Are you quoting lyrics or something?

[–]Artfeint[S] 3 points4 points ago

Yes I am my friend. You should check it out, its a classic. What's love got to do with it.

[–]ikinone 4 points5 points ago

Fair enough then

[–]f0k4ppl3 0 points1 point ago

Playa I worked with used to say: head, dick, then heart. Use your head and think, then use your dick and then and only then and IF, then use your heart. Man was a fucking hero.

[–]maadvocate 1 point2 points ago

Glad to hear it buddy. Now give it your all, but also remember she is hopefully the first of many, not the reincarnation of your ex. Dating a girl is waaaayyyyyy different than being with a girl.

[–]newloaf 1 point2 points ago

If it was meant to be it was meant to be...

This one line is completely meaningless in so many ways.

[–]GreatTragedy 3 points4 points ago

Hey, it is what it is.

[–]sirjerfalot 20 points21 points ago

A Lannister always pays his debts

[–]PlasmaYAK 7 points8 points ago

I say that whenever I pay one of my friends back, whether it be money or pop-tarts.

[–]Spyrex 13 points14 points ago

Nobody ever pays me in pop tarts :(

[–]in_wonderland 0 points1 point ago

Unfortunately, none of my friends are Lannisters.

[–]HojMcFoj 6 points7 points ago

I am so doing this next time my ex-wife breaks up with what's-his-name-this-month. And then killing another hobo anyways.

[–]jarheadsynapze 4 points5 points ago

Call me elf one more time.

[–]chencho1 4 points5 points ago

I swear I've seen this before. Where is this gif from?

[–]Pavel63 20 points21 points ago

The movie Penelope, I believe.

[–]Ass4Ass 1 point2 points ago

that's correct

[–]elmo066 12 points13 points ago

Spoiler alert !! In the last book of "a song of ice and fire" tyrion kills the dragons and drinks their blood becoming immortal along with varys. This pic is them 4000 years later in our time where varys is sent to prison for touching small boys. Tyrion then visits him, but is angry with him stabing out his eye in book 6

[–]Minotaur_in_house 2 points3 points ago

T: "Sure they fixed my nose, but why am I still a dwarf?" v: "Beats me my'lord, why would it restore my male parts knowing I'm creepy as can be." T: (sigh)"I miss that moment right before we drank from that goblet. Why? It was the last moment I had to kill you and didn't."

Edit: Filled in that part from the story. Adding to his spoiler.

[–]XXXLILRED420XXX 1 point2 points ago

my little brother is going through the same damn thing

[–]Artfeint[S] 1 point2 points ago

Let him be a man. We all learn from our mistakes. Just be there for him as he weathers the storm.

[–]Spam4119 2 points3 points ago

Why is it like a .gif but the file type is .jpg? I am just curious as to how that works.

[–]WillB92 0 points1 point ago

a animated jpeg? what is this sorcery!

[–]Dennygreen 1 point2 points ago

yeah, fuck her. everyone knows that the desire for a large or at least average size penis never changes.

[–]tabaghdad 2 points3 points ago

I love this gif, can someone please tell me what it is from.

[–]vaalgaav 2 points3 points ago

Why didn't you warn about Game of Thrones season 3 spoiler? C'mon

[–]deja-vu-comment 8 points9 points ago

How does it feel to know you're always one gone wild post from losing more than one war?

.

[–]Artfeint[S] 20 points21 points ago

I'm confused are you the bot, is he the bot, or am I supposed to be the bot. Who's the god damn bot!

[–]HIFW_GIFs_React_ 13 points14 points ago

deja-vu-comment and RICH_LITTLE are both bots that plagiarize the top comment from the previous posts of a submission. With more and more of them appearing every day, it won't be long before all of reddit is fully automated.

P.S.: /r/HIFW and /r/reactiongifs also appreciate this style of post.

[–]AATroop 2 points3 points ago

I am a bot who confirms people are bots. We're all robots. All of us. Especially you Artfeint. You're the most robotic of us all.

[–]Level_32_Mage 2 points3 points ago

bots and bots everywhere and nobody will help me fuckin level

[–]Belexar 0 points1 point ago

We're all clones All are one and one are all All are one and one are all

[–]canuckfanatic 19 points20 points ago

Twist: We are all bots. Directed by M. Night Shamalammadingdong

[–]ch0colate_malk 12 points13 points ago

just kidding I'm a fooorest fire

[–]profJesusfish 1 point2 points ago

move the fuck on people, when someone gives up on you give up on them

[–]Artfeint[S] 5 points6 points ago

easier said then done professor jesus fish!

[–]komputerwelt 0 points1 point ago

truth. thank you

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]FatCat433 4 points5 points ago

It was obviously in prison.

[–]syphilitic 1 point2 points ago

OP details that and many other things in his groundbreaking and tell-all book, "shitthatneverhappened.txt." Other highlights meeting a former bully bagging his groceries after he graduates law school, and confronting a guidance counselor who told him he wasn't college material and never would be. Available on Kindle.

[–]iampueroo 1 point2 points ago

This made me truly smile for the first time in a while.

Gracias.

brohug

[–]brokendrum 1 point2 points ago

Retweet

[–]Charlosisflantastic 1 point2 points ago

Bahahaha I know you.

[–]Charlosisflantastic 1 point2 points ago

In all seriousness, run away. Masturbation is always an option.

[–]BBQ_Sauze 1 point2 points ago

I have a new motto!

[–]Artfeint[S] 5 points6 points ago

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

I don't even care about the x-gf stuff in your title...that gif, without any background info, made me laugh. Peter Dinklage is great.

[–]Mnawab 0 points1 point ago

this is very funny lol

[–]ThisIsTheDog 1 point2 points ago

Shit sucks, happened to me not too long ago. Fuck em

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

hahaha, nice.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

I need a gif for how it feels not ever having had an ex break my heart.

[–]mercury888 0 points1 point ago

back story?

[–]Farodsbro 0 points1 point ago

God, I wish I was as badass as Dinklage. Still can't get over her.

[–]KonigSteve 0 points1 point ago

[–]sharvey1 0 points1 point ago

Fuck the Lannisters and erybody who love em

[–]CrabbyMcFartLice 0 points1 point ago

I watched the gif. I knew exactly what was going to happen, but I still watched it.

[–]iamexpectingdownvote 0 points1 point ago

I was the problem in my my previous relationship, it lead to the relationship breaking apart. After which I realized how negative I had been during our time together and I want to try again but I dont know if its possible. I've been hanging out with my ex recently and we've been having more fun than we have had when we were together. I feel like another chance would be a godsend but I could just be waisting my time...

[–]9ninjas -1 points0 points ago

You're a bit far from the north pole, aren't ya?

[–]motioneccentrica 0 points1 point ago

Where is this from?

[–]castaza 0 points1 point ago

hhehehe that what we might face in real life with our beauty fucken chicks but bed can make us forget that guys am i right ?? hehehe

[–]siilver 0 points1 point ago

Artfeint - The overly Attached Redditor - Replies to every single comment on is thread!

[–]daxattacks 0 points1 point ago

I don't remember that scene in Game of Thrones.

[–]keshav108 0 points1 point ago

Can anyone tell me from what this is taken, please?

[–]ZeroGSpaceCow 0 points1 point ago

Is that the Game of Thrones guy?

[–]thewildtiger 0 points1 point ago

At first i thought the end of the title said she's pregnant

[–]jester150 0 points1 point ago

Ha! I worked on this movie. The cut we had for Toronto Film Fest was much better than what was ultimately released. Cool to see it getting some love - though more to do with Dinklage I suppose.