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top 200 commentsshow all 472

[–]BadHabitPsycho 98 points99 points ago

I was bullied for being short. I was told: "Yeah, well, you ARE very short."

sigh -.-'

[–]Spr09 154 points155 points ago

Maybe if you stopped acting so gay...

[–]BadHabitPsycho 32 points33 points ago

I know, I should suit myse...OOOH sale on handbags!!

[–]FuzzyBlumpkinz 0 points1 point ago

Good advice man!

[–]Lettuce_Get_Weird 15 points16 points ago

C'mon bro grab some stilts. It's not that hard.

[–]BadHabitPsycho 5 points6 points ago

Straighten up that back!!

[–]Blackwind123 5 points6 points ago

Yay! More advice from Uncle Lettuce!

[–]Lazyexpress 2 points3 points ago

He gives the best advice

[–]charrington173 0 points1 point ago

all hail lettuce

[–]charrington173 13 points14 points ago

maybe if you stopped acting so short...

[–]BadHabitPsycho 6 points7 points ago

But they always look down on me! O.o

[–]Aniamaze 4 points5 points ago

try being too tall. It's terrible to stick out in a crowd like that!

[–]xenthum 15 points16 points ago

Super tall people (generally) get the sporting advantage and are much more intimidating than super short people. I'm not going to pick a fight with a 5'10 guy in 6th grade when your average classmate is 5'3, but at 4'6 you're just an easy target.

[–]somnambulator 9 points10 points ago

Bullies dont care whether someone is tall, short, fat, thin, whatever - they are looking for people who are passive. Someone that is not a fighter. In my experience bullies like people that are bigger and passive because they feel somehow more justified if they are bullying someone as big as themselves. They can smell 'gentle' people and consider them prey.

As a kid I was built like someone from WWE. Unfortunately for me I hated sport, played in an orchestra and sang in a choir. I would try and walk away from bullies and I refused to fight.

I basically walked around with the word target on my back because I was so easy to push around.

Until the day when I had finally had enough and I turned on the guy bullying me and turned him into a skin bag of loose meat parts.

Bullying stopped after that but I hated having to go there to achieve it.

[–]Aniamaze 1 point2 points ago

I'm not talking about who would win in a fight lol! I'm saying that when you're abnormally tall you usually move/act awkwardly and you stand out in a crowd. And I can't tell you how many times I've hit my head on door frames and car ceilings.

[–]kodutta7 2 points3 points ago

Don't bitch about being tall, it's much better than being overly short.

[–]Aniamaze 1 point2 points ago

Being tall doesn't necessarily mean you're more athletic. Often taller people are very slim and poorly-coordinated. Shorter people are 'often' more agile and dexterous. AND it's well documented that taller people live shorter lives than smaller people because of heart and nourishment issues. Google it if you want. But they both have their pros and cons. I was simply trying to convey my side. You shouldn't be assuming that you have it the worst, you should be comfortable with your body and not lower yourself to the mindset of the people whom discriminate.

[–]kodutta7 0 points1 point ago

I'm not even that short, and I never complain about my height, I'm just saying that unless you're ridiculously tall, there's really no reason to complain.

[–]Aniamaze 0 points1 point ago

yeah but you said that being tall is much better than being short so I voiced the other side of the story. And I'm not complaining. Originally I was responding to a guy complaining about being short. I was trying to tell him that being tall isn't as great as it sounds.

[–]xenthum 2 points3 points ago

I just mean that you're a far less likely target for bullying. The average little guy isn't going to walk up to a giant and fuck with you, because you'll break him or her in half.

[–]Interospection 3 points4 points ago

I think it's funny how you think that people who are a couple inches/a foot taller than average have super strength.

[–]xenthum 0 points1 point ago

In Middle school (where bullying is typically most prevelant) being 7 inches taller than someone is super strength.

[–]Tuvw12 2 points3 points ago

I can confirm this I can only bench 50 pounds but I still scared other teams in lacrosse cause I was 6'1 in eighth grade I do hit pretty hard for how weak I am though

[–]Aniamaze 0 points1 point ago

No, not at all. Being tall doesnt make you Andre The Giant. Often taller people are very slim and poorly-coordinated. Shorter people are 'often' more agile and dexterous. AND it's well documented that taller people live shorter lives than smaller people because of heart and nourishment issues. Google it if you want. And personally I have back issues from bending down so often to avoid hitting my head, which is often the case. Sorry for ranting lol. Its just that I've had my ass kicked several times by people half my size. But we all have our issues; I'm not trying to devalue your troubles. I'm just trying to show you another viewpoint.

[–]xenthum 1 point2 points ago

Remember the context of this discussion is school bullying. Slim and poorly coordinated is true, but the rest is pretty inconsequential to the discussion.

[–]Aniamaze 0 points1 point ago

Well... we are in a sense talking about how fit short and tall people are. I'm just saying that a taller person isn't necessarily as strong/fit/healthy as you guys are claiming they are.

[–]ilcuore 1 point2 points ago

I'm tall, and was all throughout elementary, middle, and high school. I'm basically invisible.

[–]Tuvw12 3 points4 points ago

I'm tall and I've never been bullied more then once a year it's simple you just act less gay

[–]BadHabitPsycho 1 point2 points ago

Just as bad as being too short.

[–]Poltras 1 point2 points ago

So you're like a BadHobbitPsycho?

[–]BadHabitPsycho 0 points1 point ago

RUB IT IN WILL YA!!

[–]Poltras 0 points1 point ago

Sorry, that was a short joke.

[–]BadHabitPsycho 1 point2 points ago

You come down here and say it to my face.

[–]Poltras 0 points1 point ago

What, you can't take a big leap and forgive me?

[–]BadHabitPsycho 1 point2 points ago

I dunno man, your joke made me feel really low.

[–]Poltras 0 points1 point ago

Awww poor little thing.

[–]BadHabitPsycho 0 points1 point ago

Thanks, pick me up?:(

[–]psychicsword 0 points1 point ago

I know that one. I was never bullied in the conventional meaning but my friends couldn't think of anything else to rip on me for so they used my height. Eventually I got fed up with it and got tested for a HGH deficiency and turns out I had about 1/2 of the normal levels. I then grew a foot in 2 years.

[–]Atersed 15 points16 points ago

Hah this should be in /r/nottheonion

[–]Madonkadonk 45 points46 points ago

ALL HAIL THE KING! KING OF THE REPOST!

[–]joeldavis 3 points4 points ago

SPEAK TRUTH TO POWER!!

[–]Texas_ 19 points20 points ago

I'm sure there are more WTF headlines.

Here is one, for example

[–]Iamducky 11 points12 points ago

[–]Murrabbit 3 points4 points ago

No, that headline is actually a work of fucking art.

[–]knightofmars 0 points1 point ago

One would think that if someone attempted to assault you whilst they're wearing a sumo-suit, you would just push them over so they're stuck on their backs. Unless they're referring to a literal sumo outfit, in which case I don't fucking know!

[–]ManCity 31 points32 points ago

I remember in 4th grade I was getting beaten up a lot, and the kid told the principal I was being annoying. You know what the school said? Act less annoying.

[–]LegitConfirmation 8 points9 points ago

time to go beat up other kids and say they're being annoying.

[–]wettowelnig 37 points38 points ago

did you? and did it help? because that is honestly sound advice

[–]abiobob 13 points14 points ago

Also, were you annoying? Children suck and you can't control everything they do all the time.

[–]donagan 1 point2 points ago

Maybe because they couldn't politically correctly say "act less gay".

[–]unicornon 0 points1 point ago

stab the principal in the throat, and say he was being annoying.

[–]bunnnnnnn 34 points35 points ago

I thought this was /r/funny

[–]benihana68 2 points3 points ago

I thought it was funny...

[–]UnicornOfDesire 3 points4 points ago

Yeah, if the headline is wtf, then post it /r/wtf.

[–]russelln 24 points25 points ago

But this is also not wtf.

[–]pumpkindog 5 points6 points ago

obviously op meant "what, that's funny??"

[–]UnicornOfDesire -2 points-1 points ago

True, maybe pics? I just know /r/funny isn't the right place.

[–]joeldavis 1 point2 points ago

You're not supposed to post current events or anything that could be considered "political" in /r/wtf. I once had a post deleted because it mentioned Abraham Lincoln.

[–]UnicornOfDesire 0 points1 point ago

Oh, okay my bad. I guess I don't know where he'd post it.

[–]Chumbaniya 3 points4 points ago

FALSE. The most WTF headline ever is "Gordon Ramsay's Dwarf Porn Double Dies in Badger Den."

[–]TheForceiswithus 1 point2 points ago

I hope the insensitive cunt(s) who said this to the kid(s) got shit-canned.

[–]casfacto 15 points16 points ago

Bullying someone?

Try being less of an ass-hat.

[–]djlewt 2 points3 points ago

Is any of your karma NOT from a repost? I think I may actually need to change your RES tag from "reposting cunt" to "Carlos Mencia".

[–]ShurikenNick 0 points1 point ago

Who let mitt Romney teach?

[–]ashmawaq 65 points66 points ago

honestly good advice

[–]YouHaveToBlameGantz 96 points97 points ago

"Blacks should act less black to avoid being beaten by racist people"

[–]ManicPixieFuckUp 36 points37 points ago

Remember kids, whenever someone tries to shame you, internalize it as much as possible! Shame and self-loathing are the foundation of society!

Anyone who thinks this way is a coward willing to abuse themselves on behalf of their abusers. And you recommend it to others! No wonder you people need Tyler Durden! When you kill off all impulse to defiance, what left is there but fantasies of violence?

[–]milleribsen 67 points68 points ago

Nope. It's not. I was told this all the time, I was just acting normally for myself, I never perceived it as "gay" but others did. In essence, you're telling a child "change who you are so you're not different"

[–]MattieShoes 1 point2 points ago

I'm a bit torn on this one. I think the real problem with this "advice" is it looks like an abdication of responsibility. Schools should take action to prevent and punish bullying for any reason, and "you brought it on yourself" sends the wrong message.

That said, bullying will happen -- adolescents are the worst people in the world. It's not fair, but life ain't fair. So you've got two options. You can mask the behavior, or you can tell them to go eat a bag of dicks. Both options suck, but you pays your money and you takes your choice.

It's like leaving your keys in the ignition. You have every right to expect others to NOT steal your car. But that doesn't mean your car ain't gonna get stolen.

[–]johnbeeharvard 27 points28 points ago

It's like leaving your keys in the ignition. You have every right to expect others to NOT steal your car. But that doesn't mean your car ain't gonna get stolen.

Actually, it's nothing like that at all.

Schools with strict anti-bullying policies they actually enforce don't have significant bullying problems. It's the mentality that "It's just part of growing up." that lets lazy administrators allow it to go on.

[–]onepapertiger 1 point2 points ago

wonderfully put, seriously.

[–]rushdafunk 27 points28 points ago

People calling you nigger. Act less black. Hmmm....Looks like it checks out.

[–]Mi5anthr0pe -1 points0 points ago

I think what they're saying is that you can be gay without doing drugs, making awkward innuendos constantly, going to the gloryhole etc and generally being stereotypical. In short, you can be gay without being a faggot. The same way you can be a black guy without acting ghetto; you can't change your skin color/sexual orientation, but you can change your behavior to not be so goddamn revolting.

If unhealthy behaviors are "part of who you are", then you should change who you are. I mean, I guess you can still fuck each other in the butt, but you could at least not do the myriad of other self-destructive things homosexuals are known for. Maybe just stick to one butthole, you know?

I could be friends with a gay guy, in fact I am. But if you're going to act like a faggot I won't feel bad when you get bullied.

[–]Jess_than_three 106 points107 points ago

Fuck this, and fuck you. Fuck your gender-policing bullshit. Fuck the idea that there is anything wrong with gay people, with femininity in men or masculinity in women, or any other form of "acting gay". Fuck the principle that the only acceptable gay people are gay people who you can assume aren't gay. Fuck everything about this.

[–]LAWG4 8 points9 points ago

Technically he's right, act as mainstream as possible and you probably won't be bullied.

I'm not saying it is correct morally or anything but it will reduce bullying towards someone if they start acting less "gay". I don't advocate acting less gay or anything like that, be who you are.

[–]Diallingwand 7 points8 points ago

Homophobes and Sexists need to get used to the idea that they can't harass people for their orientations or gender anymore, acting less gay plays into their hands by making it seem abnormal.

[–]Jess_than_three 1 point2 points ago

YES. This exactly. Telling kids that the solution is to "act less gay" rather than enforcing consequences for bullying only serves to reinforce the idea that bullying kids for being gay is an okay thing to do.

[–]Jess_than_three 8 points9 points ago

It's horrible advice. It's awful advice. The advice amounts to: if other people have a problem with who you are, hide it, repress it, and for god's sake be anything but yourself.

[–]LAWG4 1 point2 points ago

It's horrible advice. It's awful advice. The advice amounts to: if other people have a problem with who you are, hide it, repress it, and for god's sake be anything but yourself.

That's what I'm trying to say; The advice is morally reprehensible and something that I would not recommend anyone to follow but it follows the same literal logic as if you want your foot to stop hurting, cut off your leg (no more foot, no more foot pain).

[–]Jess_than_three 2 points3 points ago

I apologize. My knee, it jerked.

[–]napalmdonkey 7 points8 points ago

<3 <3 <3

[–]synspark 3 points4 points ago

you. are. everywhere. :p

[–]LadyRarity -5 points-4 points ago

jess y u so good?

[–]electricmice -3 points-2 points ago

yea it sucks doesn't it. too bad that's the reality of life and the society we live in. supposing you're that kid, are you going to start a huge movement that will change the hearts and minds of people 5-10 years later? you want that problem solved right now. where was your anger when nerds or weird kids get bullied? i bet you were one of the people who disliked them yourself when you were a kid.

[–]Jess_than_three 3 points4 points ago

No, shithead, I was one of the kids getting bullied, and in particular getting bullied for not conforming to the dictates of oppositional sexism, exactly as we're discussing here. Fuck you.

[–]sp00kyd00m 117 points118 points ago

just like women shouldn't wear revealing clothing if they don't want to get raped.

[–]Adelisa 30 points31 points ago

Actually, that isn't necessarily true.

Most sexual assaults, including rape, were perpetrated by a non-stranger within one mile of the victim's home. So, all this talk about what women should/shouldn't wear is really stupid. Most of the time, you're going to know the person who did it, and most likely trust them to some degree. It's also probably going to happen in an area you're familiar with and are more comfortable in.

The problem is that rape is so random, we would all like to believe that there is something more we can do to protect ourselves from it. Sure, not going in to that neighborhood after hours or wandering around downtown drunk alone will help a bit...but most women who are raped never saw it coming, because they knew and trusted the person who did it. There's nobody to be angry at but the rapist, and it's frustrating because most of the time there's nothing you could have done to prevent it.

[–]Lati0s 37 points38 points ago

I don't think he was serious.

[–]kochipoik 22 points23 points ago

I'm pretty sure sp00kyd00m was being sarcastic

[–]Adelisa 4 points5 points ago

He might have been, but a lot of people who say this aren't so the information is still worth knowing. :/

[–]drc500free 11 points12 points ago

Rape victims dress more conservatively than average.

[–]CheckThatPrivilege 8 points9 points ago

You need to check your sarcasm privilege.

[–]specialk16 1 point2 points ago

You need to check your vanity account privilege brah.

[–]aoeui-dhtns 0 points1 point ago

Not quite the same. Revealing clothing isn't a matter of identity. Self-expression, yes.

[–]Babysaywhat 19 points20 points ago

Fuck you. Tell that to Matthew Shepard's family or Mary Chapa. Or anyone who has a dead gay kid. Look the in the eyes and say, " YOU'RE kid deserved to die/be bullied/be miserable because because they had a responsibility to be more normal."

Look, just go join Westboro or something.

Fucking god damn, Reddit, don't upvote homophobia. Barack Obama did an AMA here. THE VERY FUCKING LEAST we all could do is not up vote advice Mitt Romney would give a gay kid.

[–]Indigoh -1 points0 points ago

Technically, yea, it would get the kids to stop being picked on as much...

"We need to fix this problem at the root, but in the meantime, acting less gay is one way you can avoid being picked on"

[–]JayeWithAnE 11 points12 points ago

Define 'acting less gay'.

[–]werdan 26 points27 points ago

"Johnny, you're currently running at 8.7 on the gay-o-meter. Can you keep in under 5 until we figure out what we can do about this?"

[–]Jess_than_three 27 points28 points ago

No. No. Fuck that. We need policies in schools that actually fucking address this, with real teeth, and we need staff that fucking enforce them.

[–]scoooot 0 points1 point ago

It's as good advice as telling someone, "Don't want to be murdered? Just commit suicide!"

That headline is homophobic bullying.

[–]slartbarg 3 points4 points ago

I don't see why it's wtf. If you're implying the newspaper suggested it then you clearly didn't read the art...

goddamnit it's just darkreef2 again never mind

[–]originalbeastmode 4 points5 points ago

Then why is it in /r/funny?

[–]WildVariety 3 points4 points ago

Looks like the Daily Mail. Probably blown hugely out of proportion.

[–]imakeairplanes 3 points4 points ago

theonion.com

[–]TwoLegsJoe 0 points1 point ago

You are AGGRESSIVELY reposting today, aren't you?

[–]Legosheep 5 points6 points ago

When I stopped fucking men in public I got bullied a LOT less.

[–]knightofmars 5 points6 points ago

Fucking someone in the ass can be a display of your dominance, doing that to a bully would probably make them stop.

[–]SietchTabr 1 point2 points ago

WTF goes on r/wtf

[–]HIFW_GIFs_React_ 17 points18 points ago

Already been there twice, darkreef2 is just milking it for karma:

title comnts points age /r/
Most WTF headline ever. As seen in today's Evening Standard. 1759coms 1661pts 11mos WTF
What....? 190coms 279pts 10mos WTF
Just act less gay! 11coms 36pts 3mos atheism

source: karmadecay

[–]JTDeuce 8 points9 points ago

darkreef2 is one of Reddit's biggest reposters.

[–]joshemory 1 point2 points ago

Yeah. If you have him tagged you'll notice he's the poster of about 15% of the front page. All reposts.

[–]SietchTabr 0 points1 point ago

I was the first person to comment in here. I am amazed how many up votes / down votes that were received since I left work. I feel like big accounts have a huge amount of people who do the initial work of upvoting.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

Half the comments would be "This isn't WTF!!1!"

[–]CrackedPepper86 2 points3 points ago

To be fair, it's not.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

I have seen worse.

[–]Rascolito 0 points1 point ago

Well, sometimes being happy pisses people off.

[–]DickDatchery 1 point2 points ago

Does nobody else notice that the whole article is about how outrageous the notion of telling kids to "Act less gay" is?

[–]depressingmirror 0 points1 point ago

come on the evening standard

[–]gjbrown27 2 points3 points ago

Written by Marcus Bachmann.

[–]Dhatchet 0 points1 point ago

I remember one time in the 8th grade. This kid kept on spitting in my face(or gleeking as the kids called it.) for no reason. Instead of beating the shit out of him I went to the administration. The Vice principle called me a liar and a racist : (

[–]Nashvillians 0 points1 point ago

Horse shit!

[–]greenymile 0 points1 point ago

Yeah!.. just threaten to fuck the bullies in the ass.... fabulously.

[–]heymrk -1 points0 points ago

Or beat the fuck out of your bully.

[–]soykommander 0 points1 point ago

Honestly I find it fascinating how people develop traits.

[–]ther4mj4m 0 points1 point ago

[–]Bencool 0 points1 point ago

Well....

[–]tokerdytoke 0 points1 point ago

It's a fact bullies hate gays

[–]Nerdawg -2 points-1 points ago

If this is the "Most WTF headline ever"...why in the fucking hell didn't you put it in WTF?!

[–]TheRagingCanadian 0 points1 point ago

because why would a newspaper sensationalize something or take something out of context. Some gay kid was probably being loud and obnoxious, or "queeny" and got called a fag

[–]AeroNalex 0 points1 point ago

How is this headline WTF? The teachers are WTF. The headline is just missing punctuation.

[–]Revertit 0 points1 point ago

I'm pretty sure this was the same headline in Minnesota, Bachmans 6th district a year or two ago. What's a homo gotta do to relax around here?

[–]DudeBroMambo -1 points0 points ago

OMG WTFWTFWTFWTFWTFWTF.

[–]swallow_animal_semen -1 points0 points ago

Worked for me.

[–]sisterjo 0 points1 point ago

how many times has this been on here

[–]honeysuckle417 0 points1 point ago

I thought this was horrible when I read it in The New York times, last fall.

[–]Schindog 0 points1 point ago

Good Guy darkreef2:

Finds WTF headline;

Doesn't put in /r/WTF.

[–]MadMagicks -1 points0 points ago

Ancient repost.

[–]i_dnt_always_comment 0 points1 point ago

I get the feeling you think I'm sympathising with rapists :O IM NOT! What I'm saying is we all know that there are people out their willing to do harm to others. If we can minimise the risk of this happening then we should do it, when possible. It isn't saying 'if you don't cover up you deserve it' because that is absolutely not the case! As someone stated earlier, it still happens in places where women are forced to cover up. If the worst was to happen I would have LESS (not no) sympathy for a women attending raunchy parties with celebrity football players then and ordinary woman randomly attacked. Technically both cases are just as bad as eachother but we all make judgments about people which are based on very little knowledge of the full situation. It's a bit like hearing someone has been shot, it's terrible but I don't know the full situation, were they victims of a robbery, was it suicide, are they a soldier on the front line, were they on a hunting trip? (Best comparison I can think of at this moment in time) Some situations attract a greater amount of sympathy.

As for the child I'm not saying its an ideal solution, but in reality is that kid going convince his bullies they're wrong and show them the error of their ways? Or is he going to continue going through hell until he finishes school? If he's gender confused then the sad truth is that in today's society, he is going to experience a lot of this kind of thing, someone somewhere is going to ridicule him for being different, doesn't make it right but that's a fact of life. The only alternative advice I could see the teacher offering is to ignore his bullies which is guaranteed to make him unhappy, so when unhappiness is guaranteed why not take the risk of offering different advice that may actually relieve his bullying situation a little (probably wont but what has he got to lose?).

I do try and think things through, but in discussions like this I always end up coming to the same conclusion, parts of society are messed up and people will always fear/hate those who are different. So my solutions tend to try and make the best of a bad situation (perhaps I'm a little too negative and feel everything we do no matter how big or small has a consequence of some sort).

Also having never been a 21st century woman or a gender confused child, I appreciate I'm not in the best position to make comments or give advice but I was just giving my opinion on these scenarios.

Just out of curiosity, what would you advise the child?

Also if you have the time loom up the Chad Evans rape case (he's a british lower league footballer in jail for rape at the moment) I'd like to know your view on situations like this and if you think they're 100% unavoidable

[–]Metaphalanx 0 points1 point ago

This problem has officially been addressed.

[–]Chefbexter 0 points1 point ago

This was what the administrators and guidance counselor in high school told a friend of mine. Also, "Try losing weight" and "We can't make people like you."

[–]electricmice 0 points1 point ago

ok then, tell me what is the easiest and quickest solution to solve his problem? maybe the teacher was insensitive but he's right. the kid is not going to be a martyr for the gay movement or an icon to rally around. his problem is being bullied.

[–]scoooot 0 points1 point ago

That headline is an example of homophobic bullying.

[–]FaultyWires -1 points0 points ago

The thing is, acting "gay" isn't a requirement of being gay. If someone is obnoxiously gay, they're just as annoying as someone who is obnoxious in other regards. There are plenty of "straight acting" gay people (and I'm sure plenty of them are legitimately bullied), but kids will mock anyone different, and behavior is probably as much of a factor as orientation in many cases. Even so, it's a hard subject to address, and nobody should be bullied for being what they are.

[–]kochipoik 0 points1 point ago

Additionally, there are people who act "camp" while being straight as a rod

[–]youareatwatwaffle -1 points0 points ago

Wrong subreddit, doesn't belong in r/funny. You twatwaffle.

[–]PositivEnergy 0 points1 point ago

In all honesty I can't stand either extreme of the spectrum. Extremely flamboyant gays and super macho "tough guy" heteros. Stop being attention whores and be yourself.

[–]OHSHI- 1 point2 points ago

For a lot of them, that is themselves. Just because someone's personality garners more attention doesn't mean they're acting that way for attention.

[–]TheyCallMeSlender -1 points0 points ago

This is pretty sound advice. While I despise bullying, a safe way to counter it is to normalize.

[–]Lythysis -4 points-3 points ago

Pro tip: If you don't want to be treated like a flamer, don't be a flamer!

[–]-BossHog- -2 points-1 points ago

This is from The Onion. It's satire people.

[–]Popapetic 7 points8 points ago

This is from The London Standard actually.

[–]-BossHog- 3 points4 points ago

I stand corrected. I must have read an article on The Onion that was similar to this. My apologies Reddit.