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OkCupid

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all 39 comments

[–]TheAlphaRanger22/M/fail 45 points46 points ago

A year later and I'm still masturbating.

[–]FA_in_PJ 6 points7 points ago

I was at it on and off for about five years, with no success beyond first and second dates with girls who didn't totally suck. Now, I'm having the best relationship of my life with a girl I met on OkC.

I did change my strategy a little in those last few months on OkC, and that may have helped. I'll make a post about that later.

[–]igotsmeakabob1125/M/NY http://www.okcupid.com/profile/Kabob11 3 points4 points ago

Two years.

[–]EnnuiDeBlase32/m/str/Pittsburgh 1 point2 points ago

Three!

[–]Callix23/F/bi/poly 7 points8 points ago

Just please don't masturbate to my pictures and then message me telling me about it. Please.

[–]mikecrash26/m[S] 1 point2 points ago

...has that happened...what the actual fuck is wrong with people

[–]Callix23/F/bi/poly 2 points3 points ago

http://oi45.tinypic.com/2u92242.jpg

(imgur was down, I apologize). The guy has looked at my profile at least 3x a week for months. Never messaged me until now.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points ago

Why didn't he just save the pics? What a noob

[–]mikecrash26/m[S] -1 points0 points ago

fucking gross. men are such creeps.

[–]Callix23/F/bi/poly 2 points3 points ago

I guess I could take it as a compliment that my g-rated pics are hot enough to masturbate to. Eh?

Nope, still creepy.

[–]mikecrash26/m[S] 0 points1 point ago

Yuck. I mean if a girl said she masterbated to my pics I'd be like...that's awesome. Unfortunately that doesn't work both ways.

[–]EnnuiDeBlase32/m/str/Pittsburgh 1 point2 points ago

I'm afraid I'd need to see them to make sure. /obligatory /sarcasm

[–]Callix23/F/bi/poly 4 points5 points ago

Oh baby, your face!! /splooge

[–]EnnuiDeBlase32/m/str/Pittsburgh 0 points1 point ago

Oof!

[–]TheloniusChipmunk30s/m/westside/exclusived 12 points13 points ago

It's not an either/or proposition.

[–]SurlyRama 1 point2 points ago

Right? I don't feel I should choose.

[–]darksull 4 points5 points ago

so you masturbate on dates? that can get pretty awkward

[–]TheloniusChipmunk30s/m/westside/exclusived 10 points11 points ago

Depends on if by "on" you mean during or onto...

[–]foetusofexcellence 0 points1 point ago

It's not really masturbation if they're giving you a helping hand.

[–]Matterplay28/M/Toronto/_Luka_/Neuro 2 points3 points ago

I do both. Sometimes at once.

[–]zigzagg321 0 points1 point ago

OKC doesn't help with that masturbation problem anyway.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points ago

The trick is to masturbate BEFORE your date. Come on people, haven't you seen Something About Mary??

[–]mikecrash26/m[S] 4 points5 points ago

No, this is false information. Do not do this. You want that build up when you're with someone. Specially after all the shitty internet porn we watch. Let those pheromones build up. Even if you only last 10 minutes the first time fuck it, just go more than once. Bitches love going more than once.

[–]sharpie3624/M/Ithaca NY 3 points4 points ago

Even if you only last 10 minutes the first time

ONLY 10 minutes? My whole life has been a lie.

[–]mikecrash26/m[S] 2 points3 points ago

1 minute, 10 minutes, the second time you'll last longer. And most important trick of all is don't worry about it! Free yourself of worry and you'll be fine!

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

Same reaction here. If I don't fap I've got a hair trigger.

[–]sligowaths 2 points3 points ago

Also before making any import decision. "Never walk around with a loaded gun".

[–]OthelloNYC35/M/Brooklyn 2 points3 points ago

Yeah, while I never masturbate before a date, I DO agree that this sentiment applies to more important decisions, sort of like grocery shopping while hungry.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

So do you masturbate before grocery shopping?

[–]OthelloNYC35/M/Brooklyn 2 points3 points ago

Religiously. And by that I mean using the baby Jesus butt plug.

[–]jb_OKC24/M/CT/JBernstein0706 0 points1 point ago

Side note - this is a bad idea if you plan on drinking a lot. As I just found out. Sad face.

[–]ChiefFunOfficerTells it how it be. 4 points5 points ago

?

[–]chellomere 6 points7 points ago

I think this is a case of whiskey dick.

[–]jb_OKC24/M/CT/JBernstein0706 1 point2 points ago

This is the correct answer. Balls.

[–]mikecrash26/m[S] 2 points3 points ago

Shit I meant to type. "Why we all make an OKC" I failed.

[–]stoperror29/M/Roanoke,VA 1 point2 points ago

The truth is out...

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points ago

Not necessarily. It's just you're 21 and m.

[–]ThomasWoodrowWilson 0 points1 point ago

BOTH

[–]baykayk53/M/LI-NY -1 points0 points ago

Terribly hard dilema. Message and date the somewhat cute chubster (with 3 dogs, 5 cats and preteens sleeping down the hall ["quiet!"]) for a little coochie-coo or rustle up the salami by hand. You know, who can blame us anyway. That stiff rod and its support system of nerves, glands, etc is Insanely Great. (apologies to the the author of that book and Steve Jobs/Steve Wozniak.