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1202
1203

Painfully funny (imgur.com)

submitted ago by wkamp

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[–]Ultrafilter 100 points101 points ago

That reminds me of a conversation in a Terry Pratchett book.

Person 1: "I'm afraid of grounds."

Person 2: "You mean you're afraid of heights."

Person 1: "I know what I mean! It's the grounds that kill you."

[–]iamtheowlman 11 points12 points ago

It gets modified later on.

"Heights? I'm not afraid of heights. I can look at a tall tower and not feel anything at all.

I'm afraid of depths."

[–]Tfish 11 points12 points ago

You could go up so high that you die of hypoxia.

[–]GovDisinfoAgent 10 points11 points ago

The joke still works then (albeit a little less funny), it's not the height he's afraid of, it's the lack of oxygen.

[–]nikniuq 5 points6 points ago

I got into an argument that "lack of oxygen" wasn't the only thing that could kill you.

When asked to give an example I went with "sudden lack of brain".

[–]_Wolfos 2 points3 points ago

In which case, the lack of oxygen in your brain is still what kills you.

[–]Bagelson 3 points4 points ago

Hm, but lack of oxygen kills the brain, which kills the rest of the body. If the brain suddenly disappears, wouldn't the body die before the lack of oxygen couldn't kill the missing brain?

[–]Tfish 0 points1 point ago

Lack of oxygen causes the deterioration of the entire body, not just the brain. Unless you're specifically talking about being suffocated by a pillow or something, being in a low oxygen/high carbon dioxide area will cause your extremities to suffer before your brain does.

load more comments (1 reply)

    [–]nikniuq 0 points1 point ago

    Take a shotgun and convert your brain into a pink mist suspended in oxygen rich air...

    [–]Mirple 2 points3 points ago

    Is this Om from Small Gods?

    [–]feilen 10 points11 points ago

    I would think it'd be Rincewind. But now I'm not sure...

    [–]Karter705 5 points6 points ago

    Yep, from Sourcery.

    [–]Proc31 0 points1 point ago

    I read Sorcery about a week ago and can confirm this.

    [–]Mirple 4 points5 points ago

    I was thinking that too. Too many people being dropped from the sky or falling off the edge of the world, I guess.

    [–]helium_farts 1 point2 points ago

    Sounds like something Rincewind would say.

    [–]sevl 3 points4 points ago

    I'm pretty sure it's Rincewind when he and Twoflower are riding the dragon

    load more comments (2 replies)

      [–]natacon 44 points45 points ago

      I've always liked this one from Douglas Adams.

      “Dennis Hutch had stepped up into the top seat when its founder had died of a lethal overdose of brick wall, taken while under the influence of a Ferrari and a bottle of tequila.”

      [–]leftnotracks 100 points101 points ago

      Tell it to a pedestrian.

      [–]thebendavis 58 points59 points ago

      Or Hammond.

      [–]Mirple 16 points17 points ago

      Poor Hammond.

      [–]kcMasterpiece[!] 9 points10 points ago

      Why? He won't remember.

      EDIT: I am sorry...I feel bad about this now.

      [–]dreamerkid001 10 points11 points ago

      The Hamster takes a lot of shit. But nothing compared to poor Mr. May.

      [–]Mack_Kohl 16 points17 points ago

      *Captain Slow

      [–]StezzerLolz 11 points12 points ago

      Er... NO.

      They have put Hammond in a car and then tried to freeze him to death.

      They have put Hammond in a car and then dropped him into deep water without Scuba gear.

      They have put Hammond in a car and then struck it with lightning.

      They have put Hammond in a car and then nearly killed him trying to break the land speed record.

      Captain slow gets the occasional jibe thrown his way. Not comparable.

      [–]gto1969jdg 7 points8 points ago

      he did have to go very near to the mouth of an active volcano

      [–]Monkey_Economist 9 points10 points ago

      And, "Captain Slow" drove a Bugatti Veyron at top speed.

      [–]SteiniDJ 2 points3 points ago

      It was a very small volcano though.

      [–]T0rgo 9 points10 points ago

      James May rode a jet fighter and got a bit sick, Richard Hammond rode a jet car and nearly died.

      May can take it.

      [–]carlsaischa 5 points6 points ago

      Richard Hammond rode a jet car

      Upside down.

      [–]wigit 11 points12 points ago

      Richard Hammond rode a jet car

      Upside down.

      Using his face as a brake.

      [–]Akasazh 3 points4 points ago

      May outbossing Gordon Ramsey

      [–]Noy_The_Devil 6 points7 points ago

      That's acceleration. We're all going pretty fast already I would say, relative to the galaxy. Physics'd.

      [–]MCglamour 7 points8 points ago

      "It's not speed that kills, it's the stopping." - Albert Einstein

      [–]TERRYbyte 2 points3 points ago

      -Michael Scott

      load more comments (1 reply)

        [–]Morality_Police 152 points153 points ago

        if you accelerate fast enough, that could kill you.

        Edit: I'm a physicist, I know the difference between acceleration and speed, I know that it's not just acceleration that would kill. I was making a vaguely inaccurate quip for humor, I apparently need to make stunningly precise quips, I apologize.

        [–]yergi 257 points258 points ago

        Acceleration is not speed.

        [–]brex2599 152 points153 points ago

        I'm an Engineer, and I approve this message.

        [–]AverageGatsby91 75 points76 points ago

        I'm a Physicist and that's my job

        [–]Banana_Party 29 points30 points ago

        I'm a Redditor who browses trees and takes speed I approve this message.

        [–]ordinaryrendition 3 points4 points ago

        how derivative

        load more comments (6 replies)

          [–]pie-is-yummy 10 points11 points ago

          Trust me, I'm an engineer

          [–]ShakeweightPro -1 points0 points ago

          an engine ear? http://stickymoments.typepad.com/.a/6a0128770ad0fb970c0162ffcaa4f7970d-800wi

          [–]serri 1 point2 points ago

          I've had 8th grade science class under my belt for a decade. I approve your approval.

          load more comments (1 reply)

            [–]cowpunter 1 point2 points ago

            But it is the acquisition of speed at a given rate, acquire it too fast and you pass out, and if you keep acquiring it you asphyxiate.

            Even worse, if you acquire too much acceleration too fast your body gets smashed to bits under its own weight.

            load more comments (8 replies)

              [–]bitterorca 25 points26 points ago

              If I got hit by a car, I'd accelerate pretty damn quickly.

              [–]LoyalCassius 24 points25 points ago

              That is the G-forces killing you though, not the speed you are traveling. You wouldn't say that this thing kills you with speed.

              [–]Morality_Police 7 points8 points ago

              yeah, which is why i specified that it was the acceleration, the only way I could think of killing with speed was indirect, Like you're travelling so fast that a small object punches straight through you. I've never seen that roller coaster though, that's damn interesting.

              [–]Reticul 4 points5 points ago

              Your not going to directly kill yourself with acceleration either, what your going to do is kill yourself by not accelerating your innards, which, while staying still, are going to be smacked into your fragile meat shell, which is a system in motion. The resulting impact forces are going to do one of several things, causing the lower density articles to break (Bones>skin>veins), bruised organs, etc.

              TL;DR Force causes death, not acceleration

              If you want to be specific F=ma, so acceleration does play its part, but then you might as well be saying dying amounts to being in the wrong place at the wrong time (a=position/time2 ).

              [–]Reticul 4 points5 points ago

              Wow, that bold is a lot more striking than I though it would be

              [–]LoveOfProfit 4 points5 points ago

              When you want to be bold, you need to man up and be bold.

              [–]TheHumanMeteorite 1 point2 points ago

              It's inertia that kills you, not force. If your bones didn't mind speeding up to match the cars speed at the moment of impact in a car crash you would be fine.

              [–]Probably_immortal 0 points1 point ago

              Wouldn't frictionless organs and insides also not kill you?

              [–]MoarVespenegas 1 point2 points ago

              Uhh no, force and acceleration are tied to mass. And a is not position/time2 , it's change in position/change in time2.
              That's like saying it's not the volts that kill you but the amps. They are tied to each other through resistance.

              [–]Reticul 2 points3 points ago

              Fair enough, but my point at the end is that (almost) everything is tied together, and (almost) nothing is mutually exclusive when it comes to physics

              [–]smurphatron 2 points3 points ago

              It IS the current that kills you, and not the voltage. You could get zapped by a 10GV circuit, and you'd be completely and utterly fine if the resistance was high enough to keep the current low enough.

              [–]MoarVespenegas 0 points1 point ago

              Yes and vice versa. What's your point?

              [–]smurphatron 1 point2 points ago

              My point is that it doesn't matter how high the voltage is; only how high the current is. It IS the amps which kill you.

              [–]MoarVespenegas 0 points1 point ago

              They are tied together, you can't have one without the other. It's the relationship between volts and current, expressed though resistance that kills you.

              [–]szczypka 0 points1 point ago

              But F = ma, so you might as well be talking about accelerations.

              [–]xxon 0 points1 point ago

              Not exactly true either. In that case, it's the force (the normal force) in combination of the inertia which will kill you.

              Falling into a black hole won't kill you until you get close enough for the tidal forces to stretch out the body. And that while experiencing extreme G-forces. The difference being that the gravity force is almost the same in every atom in your body, leading to the whole body accelerating evenly, whereas in the roller coaster the force is applied to your buttocks, letting the body distribute it (where it wouldn't be able to, leading to it breaking apart).

              [–]Wazowski 1 point2 points ago

              It's not really the speed, acceleration or the g-forces that kill you. It's the lack of oxygenated blood in your brain cells.

              [–]shhyguuy 0 points1 point ago

              that and your brain and other innards smacking against your skull/bones

              [–]Crayshack 5 points6 points ago

              Suddenly being stationary is a type of acceleration.

              [–]Definitive_Farmer 4 points5 points ago

              Our lady of blessed acceleration don't fail me now!

              [–]toyboat 0 points1 point ago

              False. If one part of you accelerates faster enough than some other parts, that can kill you.

              But if everything is accelerating nearly the same, as in a gravitational field when you're reasonably far from the center, you're fine. One of the problems with small black holes is that, during a feet-first fall, a man's feet and head can experience drastically different accelerations. This kills the man. Apparently a supermassive black hole doesn't suffer from this problem (at least, you could cross the event horizon without being spaghettified by tidal forces).

              [–]baltakatei 1 point2 points ago

              If one part of you accelerates faster enough than some other parts, that can kill you

              Welcome to the awful world of Happy Wheels.

              [–]tyler5934 0 points1 point ago

              you could also just get hit by a fast moving thing

              [–]preske 0 points1 point ago

              we don't like vaguely inaccurate quips around here.

              [–]BarryFromEastenders 0 points1 point ago

              If it's any consolation, I'm not clever enough to realise you're joke wasn't scientifically accurate enough to be funny.

              load more comments (13 replies)

                [–]kenba2099 4 points5 points ago

                A particularly brutal scene of people who suddenly became stationary

                [–]JarrusMarker 8 points9 points ago

                Thanks for underlining the middle part. I wouldn't have understood the joke otherwise.

                [–]wsfarrell 2 points3 points ago

                It's not the bullet that kills you, it's the hole.

                [–]lickwidforse 4 points5 points ago

                I didn't kill that man. The bullet and the fall killed him.

                [–]GotDatPandemic 2 points3 points ago

                Came here to post this. Really solid movie.

                [–]bluesmurf 36 points37 points ago

                My hat's off to anything to anything Top Gear related.

                [–]BulldogBlitz 19 points20 points ago

                to anything to anything to anything

                [–]Mirple 35 points36 points ago

                Anything top gear uk related.

                [–]McNuggle 6 points7 points ago

                Top Gear US just makes me sad... Why can't we trade... I want the funny ones not the... Ughh ones.

                [–]sweet_n_salty 11 points12 points ago

                I second that. Anytime I see top gear on bbc, there's nothing else on tv worth interest. Anytime I see top gear on history, everything else becomes more interesting.

                [–]McNuggle 4 points5 points ago

                The US version only focuses on Fairly average cars and uses potty humour (which has its place at times), they just lack the wittiness of UK and all the exotic cars.

                "UP NEXT we look at a truck, and another truck, whoaaaoooh and ANOTHER truck! Also poop! Hehehe". ಠ_ಠ

                [–]ryangaston88 0 points1 point ago

                Maybe the uk version has a bigger budget.

                [–]mustnotthrowaway 2 points3 points ago

                It probably does. But I bet it didn't always have a huge budget. The UK show is well-written, informative and downright hilarious. They earned their budget. The US version needs to prove they're worth it.

                [–]ryangaston88 0 points1 point ago

                I'm not disputing the fact that they earned and deserve their big budget mind.

                [–]GotKwestionz 0 points1 point ago

                And more intelligence in the hosts.

                [–]hedges747 0 points1 point ago

                Its been on for about a million years so I'd hope so.

                [–]Mirple 0 points1 point ago

                I flipped to it on accident the other day, and they were modifying hatchbacks for hunting. They put gun racks on the rear of the cars. It was fucking stupid.

                [–]McNuggle 8 points9 points ago

                See uk would have attached an m-60 to the top or something like that.... The US one is just rubbish...

                [–]Mirple 4 points5 points ago

                Exactly, if you are going to go over the top you might as well go all the way and make it absolutely ridiculous like uk does.

                [–]Nerdgirlfail 4 points5 points ago

                It was funny. That was a joke. It's actually really good this season. I very much enjoy their antics and banter.

                Remember it took YEARS for the BBC three to get the kind of charisma and banter to where it is now. Also remember that their show has car makers from all over the world donating their vehicles for use and quite a bit of revenue coming in from their nearly 20 year span of tv.

                It's the second or third season of Top Gear US and it simply did not have the budget of the UK since its on the History Channel. If snarky and cheap auto makers don't want them to use their cars, they didn't have the budget to go out and buy it like Jeremy has. With this newest season they've got some really nice cars (Lamborghini Anentador) they finally have the budget/clout for. You are really comparing the BBCs clout to the History Channel. Ones significantly more powerful than the other.

                Now you've got three guys who really like each other and are friends. They have some unique challenges rolling through (finally) and really fast and impressive cars.

                Tanner Faust is a professional drift and rally car driver. He's won gold medals in the x games. Watching the other two guys cheat so that he doesn't win is really funny. The shit these two pull makes me smile the same way shenanigans do on the BBC top gear. And the joy of watching him drift a caterpillar tractor with finesse is also pretty great.

                Do me a solid. Go watch the last season of top gear us and really have an open mind. Remember that the show is managed by the same team that did Top Gear in England so there will be similarities in some challenges because in producer speak, "if it ain't broke, don't fix it."

                [–]Mirple 1 point2 points ago

                Fine, you've convinced me.

                [–]nikniuq 0 points1 point ago

                I didn't mind the "trucks in alaska" episode, but it is the only USA episode I have watched...

                [–]AnomalyNexus 1 point2 points ago

                they just lack the wittiness of UK and all the exotic cars.

                Thats the thing - you don't even need the exotic cars. The UK crew could be discussing shopping carts & it would still be hilarious. The cars are an after-thought & serve as a backdrop only.

                [–]Baulderdashe 0 points1 point ago

                I read this and decided to check BBC America. ITS ON RIGHT NOW!!

                [–]Mirple 2 points3 points ago

                BBC America has it on every day.

                [–]Dustin- 3 points4 points ago

                Next time you watch Top Gear US, imagine that what they just said was said by the Top Gear UK guys. It's not the jokes that makes them unfunny, for some reason the American accent does it.

                [–]McNuggle 2 points3 points ago

                No it is not the accent the jokes are mainly just potty humour, but also with them being American.... They can't do the slightly racist jokes that UK can...

                load more comments (1 reply)

                  [–]Basbhat 0 points1 point ago

                  we don't acknowledge the existence of the other one

                  load more comments (12 replies)

                    [–]f0ster 8 points9 points ago

                    painfully funny? I don't understand your sense of humour

                    [–]joycaptain 15 points16 points ago

                    I hate to be that guy but what if you're hit by a speeding car? or a speeding train? The object is irrelevant but if it's travelling fast enough and hits you, it'll kill you.

                    [–]Cynical_Bastard_ 5 points6 points ago

                    Semantics.

                    [–]Felicia_Svilling 0 points1 point ago

                    Yes that is the topic of this joke.

                    [–]JGoody 13 points14 points ago

                    Obviously speed limits are important in residential areas, but controlled access freeways?

                    If people understood "drive in the right lane, pass in the left" and adhered to it, 100MPH speed limits would be no more dangerous than the current ones.

                    The problem with going 100+MPH on an American highway is the other idiots who can't stay in the correct lane.

                    [–]theony 7 points8 points ago

                    the other idiots who can't stay in the correct lane

                    I don't know, this sounds like a perfect reason to have 60mph speed limits on the freeway. You may be a good driver who has the common sense and driving experience to drive quickly yet safely. The other guy... not so much.

                    [–]banemall 2 points3 points ago

                    Along with some highways just being in terrible condition.

                    [–]broo20 1 point2 points ago

                    Yeah, it's not easy to keep a 20 year old Mazda stuck to the ground with the road torn apart.

                    [–]oracleguy 2 points3 points ago

                    The other problem with American highways are all the idiots with poorly maintained cars that have bald tires, worn out brakes, and/or burned out indicator lights.

                    [–]Spazum 0 points1 point ago

                    You also assume that people react in the correct manner when they have any sort of car trouble or a tire blowout. Most people do not, and thus crash even at much slower speeds.

                    [–]nomad15 0 points1 point ago

                    I have a question, in America why do people stop in an instant even in the middle lane of a 'highway' when it rains?

                    load more comments (4 replies)

                      [–]Zedifo 3 points4 points ago

                      Then we can blame acceleration, which is technically what kills you, and not speed.

                      [–]whosthat 1 point2 points ago

                      What if I threw a pebble at you traveling 1mph then shot it at you going 1000mph. The speed would have a pretty big impact. Speed can kill but I know Clarkson was talking about cars.

                      [–]swishy22 2 points3 points ago

                      Oh you know, it's all relative. Frames of reference and all that jazz.

                      [–]Tonytarium 1 point2 points ago

                      Thats being stationary and suddenly accelerating, which isnt the same as speed.

                      Speed is number with magnitude, Velocity is magnitude with direction, Acceleration is Velocity/Time2.

                      [–]crunchyeyeball 1 point2 points ago

                      Acceleration is Velocity/Time2

                      Not quite. Acceleration is Velocity/Time or Distance/Time2

                      [–]Felicia_Svilling 0 points1 point ago

                      The same can be said for the original joke.

                      [–]helium_farts 0 points1 point ago

                      That would be acceleration getting you, not speed.

                      [–]ryangaston88 -1 points0 points ago

                      I hate to be that guy but he's joking.

                      [–]Felicia_Svilling 0 points1 point ago

                      And the joke would be a lot more fun if it was true.

                      load more comments (1 reply)

                        [–]FrostByte122 3 points4 points ago

                        I should pick up some break fluid while I'm here. Bah, next time I guess.

                        [–]MotoBall 0 points1 point ago

                        My uncle always told me this. Love that weird guy.

                        [–]tripleblack -1 points0 points ago

                        We can't stop! It's too dangerous! We got to slow down first!

                        [–]Averant 2 points3 points ago

                        Hah. My dad always told it as "It's not the fall that kills you, it's the sudden stop at the end."

                        [–]nateap87 1 point2 points ago

                        If I had a nickel for every time this was posted, I'd have 53 cents. I suck at math :/

                        [–]phishf00d 2 points3 points ago

                        Speaking from experience, suddenly being accelerated also gets you.

                        [–]Anhedonique 1 point2 points ago

                        Ha, I remember hearing that joke when I was 14.

                        It's my 230 birthday today.

                        [–]merton1111 4 points5 points ago

                        Speed kills in the sense that it is harder to remain in control at higher speed. That is why the speed will be relative to the method of transportation. Running at 50km/h is dangerous. Driving at 200km/h is dangerous. Flying at 500km/h is safe.

                        [–]wastepaperbasket 2 points3 points ago

                        Hey everyone, its captain buzzkillingtonsworthenheiser

                        [–]megacookie 0 points1 point ago

                        Driving 200km/h on a deserted stretch of tarmac, on an airfield, or a racetrack in experienced hands is safe. Driving 150km/h on a low traffic highway with an artificially low 100km/h limit is reasonably safe if the other cars are doing about the same. Driving 80km/h on the left lane of said highway...not so safe. Doing 141.6km/h in a DMC-12 would be simultaneously the safest transportation mode possible in 1950 and quite unsafe in this decade.

                        [–]BF3FAN1 7 points8 points ago

                        I love Jeremy Clarkson.

                        [–]Patrickfoster 2 points3 points ago

                        Are you American? In Britain we hate him

                        [–]sptagnew 21 points22 points ago

                        Nice try Piers Morgan.

                        [–]Patrickfoster 6 points7 points ago

                        Yeah, we hate him too.

                        [–]commonplatypus 5 points6 points ago

                        Why?

                        [–]where_are_my_feet 6 points7 points ago

                        He's everything any decent British man tries not to be.

                        [–]commonplatypus 1 point2 points ago

                        Can you elaborate?

                        [–]The_A_Drain 4 points5 points ago

                        A giant selfish arrogant dickbag.

                        Very funny though, but the two things aren't mutually exclusive.

                        [–]femaiden 0 points1 point ago

                        In America, we have Rex Ryan.

                        [–]where_are_my_feet 3 points4 points ago

                        He's a loudmouth, a bore, culturally infantile, and wouldn't know a decent suit if it slapped him in the face.

                        [–]GotKwestionz 0 points1 point ago

                        You represent and speak for all British men? On reddit? With a user name like that? No.

                        [–]Patrickfoster -4 points-3 points ago

                        He is a bigot. He has said horrible things on tv about strikers. Look for it on YouTube.

                        [–]GotKwestionz 0 points1 point ago

                        You likely have no sense of humor, are a vegetarian and support the terrorists among many other severe personal issues. You are also likely a union member. Unions are the death of all industry.

                        [–]commonplatypus 3 points4 points ago

                        I don't know the first thing about British politics or the context of any of that to pass judgment on him. I'm also American, so there's that...

                        "Clarkson also allegedly referred to those working on the BMW stand as "Nazis", although BMW said they would not be complaining.[53] In a later incident during a Top Gear episode broadcast on 13 November 2005, Clarkson, while talking about a Mini design that might be "quintessentially German", made a mock Nazi salute, and made references to the Hitler regime and the German invasion of Poland by setting the GPS system to Poland."

                        I know you find it distasteful, but I laughed so hard at that my sides hurt.

                        It seems like he says a lot of outrageous things on TV as casually as many of us might say them to each other. I'm not defending his behavior and he should probably avoid saying any of it on TV, but it's pretty in line with most of what I read here on Reddit.

                        Maybe it's just me being desensitized speaking here, but I feel like we've come to a point in society where everything is too squeaky clean and padded on every corner. We take jokes as offense and that saddens me.

                        load more comments (4 replies)

                          [–]Spazum 0 points1 point ago

                          That's why you give him so much money, right?

                          [–]helium_farts 4 points5 points ago

                          There's plenty of Americans that dislike him as well.

                          [–]sebzim4500 1 point2 points ago

                          You either love him or you hate him.

                          load more comments (6 replies)

                            [–]lord_of_tearor 0 points1 point ago

                            Front page material apparently.

                            [–]nik356 2 points3 points ago

                            POOOWWWEEERRRR!!!!!!!

                            [–]vedfolnir 1 point2 points ago

                            this is about the sixth time I have ssen this on reddit.

                            [–]Venjamin 0 points1 point ago

                            What a stupid quote..

                            [–]isometriks 1 point2 points ago

                            It's a repost of a repost. This quote is not by him, sorry

                            [–]ljokerl 4 points5 points ago

                            Clarkson may not have been the first but he definitely did say this in Series 6, Episode 10

                            [–]emann43 2 points3 points ago

                            At first I thought he meant MDMA.

                            [–]reconrose 3 points4 points ago

                            technically speed=amphetamines, but same here

                            [–]Regginaldo 3 points4 points ago

                            Not really funny.... pretty obvious....

                            [–]therealclarkson 0 points1 point ago

                            Please fool http://imgur.com/gallery/Xesqe

                            [–]aliask 0 points1 point ago

                            Reminds me of the anti-speeding campaign in Victoria, Australia

                            "Slowing down won't kill you"

                            Actually, that's exactly what kills you. Rapid deceleration.

                            [–]avanbeek 0 points1 point ago

                            I think you should have put more emphasis on 'that's'. Speed never killed anyone. Suddenly becoming stationery, THAT's what gets you.

                            [–]Stonewater 1 point2 points ago

                            I read this as if he was talking about life general.

                            We don't die if we go too fast. We die if we don't do anything.

                            Deep.

                            [–]AVeryMadFish 0 points1 point ago

                            That reminds me of the first joke I ever heard. Oh, it's the same joke. It's the same joke as the first joke I ever heard. This joke is a repost. It's been done before. It's the oldest one in the book. A classic yarn. A heritage haw.

                            [–]Awesome-O415 0 points1 point ago

                            yeah that's what got me...torn aorta

                            [–]denthar -1 points0 points ago

                            Anyone have this in a 1920x1080 wallpaper?

                            [–]gadaspir 1 point2 points ago

                            Tell this to squirrels on my road... :(

                            [–]stik2one 0 points1 point ago

                            and this is really sick!! OMG

                            [–]Porkmander -1 points0 points ago

                            I saw him live once here in Australia. Just as everyone left he reminded to drove slow going home because "speed doesn't kill you, it's the sudden stop that fucks you up" in those words.

                            [–]Kron0_0 1 point2 points ago

                            Tell that to John Belushi

                            [–]alphaorionis 0 points1 point ago

                            Now that I think about it, suddenly becoming stationery would be pretty harmful too.

                            [–]goober5 1 point2 points ago

                            Painfully poorly titled link

                            [–]seattletono 0 points1 point ago

                            POWA!!

                            [–]waffleninja 0 points1 point ago

                            WRONG. Flying through a glass window at high speeds will kill you.

                            [–]lezapper 0 points1 point ago

                            False: it is not the becoming stationary that kills you, but the fact that your internal organs proceed at the same speeds until they hit the inside of your rib cage taking severe damage eventually leading to shock, blood loss or heart failure.

                            [–]nomad15 0 points1 point ago

                            So your internal organs suddenly becoming stationery kills you?

                            [–]Felicia_Svilling 0 points1 point ago

                            No what kills you is that different parts of your internal organs become stationary at different times, thereby tearing themselves apart.

                            [–]_Muad_Dib 0 points1 point ago

                            Well, lack of oxygen to the brain is the only thing that really kills you.

                            [–]chin_in_da_phonebook 1 point2 points ago

                            "It's not speed that kills, it's the stopping." -meth user

                            [–]Calebcummings 1 point2 points ago

                            Technicaly, there is no such status as stationary.

                            [–]downbound 0 points1 point ago

                            I agree with this. . . first hand experience.

                            [–]Thebarryfairy 0 points1 point ago

                            I would like to point out G forces are more than capable of killing us.

                            [–]coupdetat 0 points1 point ago

                            Suddenly becoming stationary only kills you if you were traveling fast enough

                            [–]heimdalsgate 0 points1 point ago

                            Because the most common phrase on the planet is: "Speed will kill you".

                            [–]fateswarm 1 point2 points ago

                            That's like saying heroine didn't kill him, overdose did.

                            [–]Keagan1276 0 points1 point ago

                            I love Jeremy clarkson!

                            [–]zettaswag 0 points1 point ago

                            What about too many g forces

                            [–]haagiboy -1 points0 points ago

                            It's when you drive slow that you get hit from behind!

                            [–]Ominusx 0 points1 point ago

                            Except people who get hit by cars..

                            [–]up_the_brackett 1 point2 points ago

                            How does suddenly becoming a pencil or a stapler kill you??

                            [–]l_prettyman 0 points1 point ago

                            Said this to multiple cops, never gotten a ticket once. Try it sometime

                            [–]spungie 0 points1 point ago

                            Best quote ever.

                            [–]TopSecretSpy 0 points1 point ago

                            Reminds me of jump school: "If you think you're gonna die on one of these jumps, just remember: It's not the drop but the sudden stop. That's what your parachute prevents."

                            [–]neverendingdrums 0 points1 point ago

                            "Good point, Jeremy," said Richard Hammond.

                            [–]jagenigma 0 points1 point ago

                            "No, you sodding pillock," said James May

                            [–]IAmHomeless 1 point2 points ago

                            I didn't laugh.

                            [–]vaaaliant 1 point2 points ago

                            Horribly old and unoriginal

                            [–]aghastmore -1 points0 points ago

                            Not strictly true. It's possible to go so fast and pull so many G's that you black out and crash before ever regaining consciousness.

                            [–]allie_sin 1 point2 points ago

                            I hope he dies in a car accident.

                            IT'S OKAY, IT'S JUST A JOKE... LIKE ON TOP GEAR!

                            [–]FlatlanderMachine 2 points3 points ago

                            Tell that to the pilot who ejected out of his plane going at a huge speed. The air resistance broke most of bones I believe.

                            [–]JackassPenguinass -1 points0 points ago

                            It wasn't the speed that did it to him. When he ejected, he started rapidly decelerating, and this is what caused the damage.

                            [–]markycapone -1 points0 points ago

                            Acceleration*

                            load more comments (4 replies)

                              [–]skyraider17 1 point2 points ago

                              And tore off most of his gear, including his life vest, before landing in water.

                              [–]megacookie 1 point2 points ago

                              Jez for Prez!

                              [–]DontBroMeBro 0 points1 point ago

                              Tell that to my hamster. I learned hamsters had a top speed the hard way.

                              [–]superpastaaisle -1 points0 points ago

                              Dying from speed isn't normal, but on meth it is.

                              load more comments (30 replies)

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