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top 200 commentsshow 500

[–]sesdayi 648 points649 points ago

These are from a book!

[–]bilbo_biggins 416 points417 points ago

The book is "Safe Baby Handling Tips" by david and kelly sopp

http://www.amazon.com/Safe-Baby-Handling-Tips-David/dp/0762424915

[–]DrRawr 178 points179 points ago

[–]RealBigMeech103 23 points24 points ago

I am definitely going to look into getting this book for sister, she'll get a kick out of this.

[–]Loopins[S] 83 points84 points ago

Nice find thanks for the PDF...should help with my fathering

[–]Fealiks 33 points34 points ago

Silly Loopins...

[–]YouSaidADumbThing 24 points25 points ago

Which makes me think that you did not actually find them on the walls of a chinese hospital. Please verify?

[–]Choosing_is_a_sin 16 points17 points ago

The book is in English, while there are clearly some Chinese characters slash words on these images. My guess is that someone at the hospital had a sense of humor, scanned the images or found the PDF and did some editing, then put them up at the hospital.

[–]Hohenems 78 points79 points ago

Someone should hand these out at Walmart.

[–]ErnestWorthing 35 points36 points ago

Why not just buy the book eh?

[–]snot3353 2 points3 points ago

You should buy the book instead of stealing it and printing it maybe?

[–]Montgomrie 6 points7 points ago

Shut up, Zoidberg.

[–]racer91 15 points16 points ago

I'm going to purchase this for my GF's sister and husband that just had a baby yesterday, thank you for this. He struggled with changing a diaper yesterday so this is SO perfect.

[–]narcoleptic_insomnia 63 points64 points ago

Before my wife and I had our (first and only) son, we took a few pregnancy classes at the local hospital. Along the sides of the classroom there were tables with various pamphlets and educational materials. We found this book among the literature and nearly started crying we were laughing so hard! I still love the scene of the father playing chess with the son -- their expressions are so intense!

[–]AvenueM 35 points36 points ago

[–]testerizer 6 points7 points ago

I was curious why all of the people looked caucasian.

[–]hghost 2 points3 points ago

Because its an american book with Chinese symbols.

[–]cootieshot 1 point2 points ago

Get that Caucasian look off your face.

[–]PinkRaindrop 6 points7 points ago

Recently bought this book for my sister and brother law who are expecting their first baby, my first niece or nephew :)

[–]Delvez 5 points6 points ago

(early) Congratulations on the nipling

[–]beatjunkeeee 6 points7 points ago

Isnt it nibling?

[–]Delvez 4 points5 points ago

Is it? My life had been a lie

[–]Jonkinu 2 points3 points ago

No copyright is safe in red China!

[–]iamnotatroll 4 points5 points ago

This hipster chick I used to work with gave me the pregnancy and parenting books when the wife was pregnant. Had a blast. Hilarious.

[–]kneel23 1 point2 points ago

LOL beijing hospital karma conspiracy

[–]cahamarca 1 point2 points ago

Beijing - where everything is bootleg, including the posters at hospitals...

[–]LeftoversAgain 46 points47 points ago

The best part is the baby has obviously made some moves!

[–]ClearlyXO 25 points26 points ago

No, the best part is how seriously the dad is taking the game... it's like he's on the verge of being checkmated

[–]Grandpa_Edd 1 point2 points ago

You know playing chess with a baby isn't such a bad idea.

You have to start somewhere when you want to create a chess genius.

[–]miamoondaughter 67 points68 points ago

The best part isn't just the fact that the dad put the kid on a weight bench with a barbell, it's that the dad is clad in a track suit, pumping his fist in encouragement

"ALL YOU! ALL YOU!"

[–]VapidStatementsAhead 9 points10 points ago

LIGHT WEIGHT!

[–]Perfectengrish 7 points8 points ago

AIN'T NOTHIN BUT A PEANUT!

[–]CaughtInABadBromance 4 points5 points ago

Everybody want to be a baby. Don't nobody want to lift these heavy ass weights!

[–]Atmosck 115 points116 points ago

I don't know, that baby sure seems to be enjoying that drumstick.

These all remind me of Archer.

[–]teh_spazz 60 points61 points ago

Ahhh, the wee baby Seamus!

[–]racer91 17 points18 points ago

I was slightly disappointed, no picture of them after they got tattoo's

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points ago

That was like like Steve McQueen and John Woo had a baby and that baby was you, baby

[–]Breathing_Balls 173 points174 points ago

[–]Spadle27 206 points207 points ago

What if the girl is a psychic killer, but the hobo is a sweet loving man?

[–]FerrisGotA9to5 443 points444 points ago

If she kills only psychics, shouldn't they see that coming?

[–]calmlunatic 62 points63 points ago

From what I recall, psychics can only see the future; they don't seem to be able to change it.

[–]MrJAPoe 85 points86 points ago

The moral of every episode of That's So Raven

[–]blarglznoflo 26 points27 points ago

Yet she never learned...

[–]RiPotato 1 point2 points ago

Great. Now the song is playing in my head over and over.

[–]Anduillotine 3 points4 points ago

"It's a future I can seeee"

[–]supaphly42 15 points16 points ago

I see a future in which you are alive. Now watch me alter the future!

*stab*

[–]nagumi 38 points39 points ago

That's certainly what science has taught us!

[–]Cygnus_X1 5 points6 points ago

Quantum mechanics is a bitch like that.

[–]marzolian 9 points10 points ago

They don't see the future either.

[–]Relevant_CalvinAndH 5 points6 points ago

At least that's what That's So Raven taught us.

[–]Fraymond 5 points6 points ago

What if she's actually the psychic all along, and she's just psychicly tricking normal people into thinking they're psychic so she can infiltrate the real psychic organization? IN SPACE.

Some sort of sly sci-psy-spy crime thriller.

[–]ENKC 1 point2 points ago

[–]juice585 73 points74 points ago

"8 year old girl, 4am, middle of the ghetto, with quantum physics books? I'd say she's up to something. And I'd appreciate if you'd ease up off my back about it."

[–]moon_ferret 16 points17 points ago

Or do I owe little Tiffany here an apology?

[–]dbarefoot 8 points9 points ago

If she can kill people with her brain alone, nobody is safe.

[–]pocket_eggs 6 points7 points ago

In the poker game of life, you're trying to get your money in when you're ahead. The girl's the better bet, don't be results oriented.

[–]mainsworth 5 points6 points ago

But if I woulda called with 6-2 off suit, I'd have hit a full house! Not getting fooled next time

[–]Sinthemoon 1 point2 points ago

Sweet loving from a hobo. NO

[–]ngwoo 3 points4 points ago

Such misandry!

[–]Desert_Pantropy 692 points693 points ago

Cave Johnson here: As you all probably know, we take parenting very seriously here at Aperture Science. So, to educate you on the merits of good guardianship the lab boys down the hall will attach a positronic cranial device to your head; thus teaching you society's, and more importantly, my, family values! Ah, the lab boys tell me we only have three of these doohikeys so if your unlucky enough to miss this experiment, we have informative posters for your viewing.

[–]MangoUno 84 points85 points ago

Cave Johnson. We're done here.

[–]RockFerrit 154 points155 points ago

Need to read more things in his voice...

[–]jayhawk88 32 points33 points ago

Telemarketers could take advantage of this:

"Cave Johnson here! Are you paying too much for your phone service! Are you sure? When's the last time you checked? No, you just write that check every month and get back to your explosives research or bio-weapon or whatever it is we have you working on. You should think seriously about switching to CaveT&T, because it's going to be mandatory for you within 6 months anyway."

[–]yatpay 19 points20 points ago

Somehow, using an exclamation point instead of a colon made me read it in Billy Mays' voice.

[–]TheFreeloader 1 point2 points ago

Chariots, chariots...

[–]ravelle 1 point2 points ago

For a moment I mistook you for a Cave Johnson novelty account.

[–]ShakyFtSlasher 1 point2 points ago

Desert_Pantropy needs to make it happen!

[–]SayNo2Kryptonite 44 points45 points ago

i lost it when they fed the baby the turkey leg.

[–]Tuna_Tower 21 points22 points ago

to the moms' credit, at least she didn't try putting the bone end in the child's mouth.

[–]madoog 17 points18 points ago

For me, it was the aquarium. The baby is strangely calm and interested in the fish.

[–]yParticle 2 points3 points ago

Drowning is a learned behavior. At least, that's what I remember from biology.

[–]12cbutler 2 points3 points ago

It was the nursing one that did me in.

[–]PSIStarstormOmega 1 point2 points ago

Somebody help this man find it.

[–]adamanlion 1 point2 points ago

Being in the military there's a saying "if we tell you not to do something, no matter how dumb it seems, don't do it because it's been tried before." Hence why these pics scare me lol.

[–]suavyxavi 15 points16 points ago

The air horn actually made me lol.

[–]jhawkgiant77 5 points6 points ago

Bonding with baby will get me every damn time.

[–]BatterseaPS 66 points67 points ago

Can we all take a second to applaud Loopins for doing what he's supposed to? A lesser poster would surely have dumped these in r/WTF.

[–]Yoshi_Girl 5 points6 points ago

I've been seeing a lot of posts that don't belong there lately. This is how my browsing has been going: "This goes is r/funny. This is a facebook post that isn't WTF. Another Facebook post?! Get your shit together, r/WTF!"

[–]bahiduu 27 points28 points ago

Bottom drawer is fine, top drawer is a guillotining waiting to happen.

And what's that growth on its head?

[–]IveGotAntsInMyPants 3 points4 points ago

Wait...how is the top drawer a guillotining waiting to happen? And how is it different from the bottom drawer?

[–]bahiduu 18 points19 points ago

The higher the weight, the easier it is for the dresser to fall forward (it's a lever thing). As it hits the ground, the top drawer is more likely to shut than the bottom drawer (it's an angle thing).

It is conceivable that during the brief free fall, the baby's head would position itself between the top edge of the drawer, and as the dresser hits the ground and slams the drawer shut around the baby's fragile neck, it severs the pink, soft flesh, spilling innocent blood all over the rug.

TLDR: http://i.imgur.com/5wnv1.gif

[–]jb700000 7 points8 points ago

I hate people who say this, but there was a lot of risk in that click.

[–]IveGotAntsInMyPants 5 points6 points ago

Physics hates babies.

[–]palegothic 26 points27 points ago

Seen these. But waking baby is wrong. You NEVER wake a sleeping baby. This is coming from a mother of two.

[–]saltyjohnson 18 points19 points ago

Seen these. But waking baby is wrong. You NEVER wake a sleeping baby. This is coming from the neighbor of a family with young children.

[–]Grimgnight 18 points19 points ago

Well, there go my parenting strategies. And here I was thinking my parents were the best in the world...

[–]sage101 6 points7 points ago

My mother actually did #15. She pulled the drawer out of the dresser though and put it next to the bed....at least I hope she did.

[–]Burner2K0 7 points8 points ago

The air horn got to me.

[–]Gyaruson 56 points57 points ago

Chinese babies don't get put I'm dresser drawers? Seinfeld has lied to me...

[–]thesmileofdawn 62 points63 points ago

They were actually Japanese, but close enough...

[–]Gyaruson 18 points19 points ago

An, you're right. My Seinfeld ego has been bruised a bit.

[–]MrJAPoe 4 points5 points ago

Don't feel too bad. It stung when my friend the other day didn't get my Ovaltine reference. Hurts, man.

[–]teh_spazz 1 point2 points ago

Why don't they call it roundtine?

[–]Skyline9 12 points13 points ago

If your chinese baby isn't proficient in chess, you're doing it wrong

[–]ComplainsAboutDvotes 147 points148 points ago

In China, all those BADs are acceptable if the baby is female.

[–]beatjunkeeee 65 points66 points ago

In China, the chess one is reversed.

[–]Timthos 6 points7 points ago

No, you must teach them them the traditional Chinese board game weiqi (go).

[–]toodrunktofuck 30 points31 points ago

So bitter yet so true :(

e: No, fucking NO. This madness is NOT over. It only has been more prominent in India (http://intersections.anu.edu.au/issue22/banerji.htm). Another well researched article from 2012 (German): http://www.zeit.de/2012/12/Indien-China-Geschlechtermord/seite-1

[–]superwu 15 points16 points ago

its not the 19th century anymore...

[–]toodrunktofuck 10 points11 points ago

One child policy remains active.

[–]sinotized 10 points11 points ago

Yeah but thats a stereotype in all but the most western rural areas now. In autonomous provinces they can have multiple children without paying extra tax, and in tier 1 cities they can have them if they do pay extra tax. But it's considered bad form, if a family member has aspirations high in the Party. Most of the girls given up for adoption are by poor rice farmers in western provinces where economic investment has been less.

[–]limitz 5 points6 points ago

Poor farmers also have a specific policy applied to them.

If the first child is male, then 1-child policy holds. If the first child is female, they're allowed to try again. The problem arises, when the 2nd child is female.

However, I agree, the stereotype of killing girls for gender preference doesn't exist in all but the most rural areas like Gansu.

[–]nixcamic 1 point2 points ago

Enders Game?

[–]lynnangel 24 points25 points ago

*20th

[–]ChipsieTheCheapWhore 108 points109 points ago

It's also not the 19th century.

[–]lynnangel 24 points25 points ago

OooooOOOoooohhh. Someone thinks he's all smart with his facts and fancy time talk. We're not all rocket scientists like you you know!

[–]BegginForBacon 1 point2 points ago

Rocket science is when the scientists find out things about space.

I think.

[–]Sinthemoon 7 points8 points ago

*19th century fox

[–]jhuang29 3 points4 points ago

I am full Chinese, and I must state there is a clear gender bias in China for male offspring. For example, when I was born (I'm a guy), almost my entire extended family helped my mother take care of me. When my female cousin was born, around the same time, she was ignored in favor of me. I was born in the 90's, by the way.

[–]TheAmazingWJV 5 points6 points ago

No no no please don't shake the baby!

[–]redditalreddie 23 points24 points ago

With enough hormones, men actually can lactate. Just in case anyone was wondering.

[–]MrPeachy 18 points19 points ago

[–]Spazasaurus 3 points4 points ago

Came here just to say this.

[–]cat_handcuffs 1 point2 points ago

Yeah, there's a male breast feeding movement apparently called the Milk Men.

[–]Saac 9 points10 points ago

Some of those were legitimately helpful.

[–]GlidingGoose 7 points8 points ago

ohhh DON'T make the baby benchpress, no wonder my kid's got broken wrists

[–]xGame0veRx 7 points8 points ago

I loved the introducing the child to pets. LMFAO.

[–]GDRolfe 3 points4 points ago

I know how to raise a child now. Thanks internet!

[–]2hot2sexy4u 4 points5 points ago

i don't usually laugh out loud to stuff i read on the internet, but this gave me a good laugh. this is fantastic

[–]SwankJob 3 points4 points ago

When my friends have kids, I buy plain onesies and iron on these pictures. It's always been a great present for baby showers.

[–]iLoginToComment 3 points4 points ago

Dont be fooled ! They are simply trying to make sure your babies are weaker and continue to decline in gold medals at the olympics. Do NOT be fooled by the propaganda !

[–]NecDW4 3 points4 points ago

I was fine right up until waking baby, i almost wet myself.

[–]JFoggers 15 points16 points ago

My dad always threw me up in the air. It was awesome! Why is this bad?

[–]Snikz18 27 points28 points ago

People make mistakes, catching a baby isnt foolproof, if you drop the baby you might kill it.

[–]riskoooo 38 points39 points ago

Some houses have ceiling fans.

[–]yParticle 14 points15 points ago

With machetes attached.

[–]onlyalevel2druid 14 points15 points ago

If you were old enough to remember it, you were probably big enough to not be fatally wounded if dropped.

[–]Truffa 2 points3 points ago

It can produce brain damage in babies and young children, producing SBS (shaken baby syndrome).

[–]Codybook 2 points3 points ago

I got that book (English version) as a baby shower gift. Very funny.

[–]respondin2u 2 points3 points ago

Wait, you are not supposed to play chess with your baby? I guess I've been doing it wrong.

[–]hiddenxninja 2 points3 points ago

I am Clearly not ready to have a baby with all these rules and restrictions.

[–]Melkman 1 point2 points ago

TIL

[–]iLoginToComment 2 points3 points ago

Fuck them. My baby WILL bench more than your baby !

[–]scigs6 2 points3 points ago

I need a t-shirt of this NOWWWWWWWWW

[–]ihatemaps 2 points3 points ago

1Do most people in Beijing speak English as their first language? Why are these in English with tiny chinese text below it?

[–]crazyguzz1 4 points5 points ago

I call bullshit on that sign - It must have been made in a different country.

After living in China for several years, I have never seen a Dryer!

[–]Welbow 6 points7 points ago

i lost it at the air horn to wake baby up part. just the look of innocent comfort and relaxation.. and knowing what an air horn would do to it..

im fucked up ):

[–]madoog 2 points3 points ago

There's that startled look juuuust as the baby recognises it's horribly upset and inhales before bursting into screams. I don't have children, but when I see some kid having fallen over, in my head I count "Horrible noise in 3...2.."

[–]VesuvanDoppelganger 4 points5 points ago

Playpen, baby cage... tomato, tomahto.

[–]White_Luigi 3 points4 points ago

".... I was just kidding! It's for when you get the baby a dog!"

[–]KABLAMO17 1 point2 points ago

I would make a poor father by their standards....

[–]penisinthepeanutbttr 2 points3 points ago

I couldn't help but chuckle at the one with the airhorn

[–]Shadrahk 1 point2 points ago

This made my day slightly more enjoyable now.

[–]mememellie[!] 1 point2 points ago

So I shouldn't submerge my child in an aquarium? Coulda fooled me...

[–]Blodwyn35 1 point2 points ago

laugh'n, Cheers...

[–]ImFresh- 1 point2 points ago

They're using Tres Equis to calm down the baby!

[–]string97bean 1 point2 points ago

[–]AvenueM 1 point2 points ago

[–]theway00 1 point2 points ago

So I can give the baby cigarettes?

[–]AwesomeGuy227 1 point2 points ago

Lost my shit at the baby in the dryer.

[–]Masamundane 1 point2 points ago

Helpful. Who hasn't made one or two of these mistakes in the past.

[–]Fobulousguy 1 point2 points ago

It's like Goofus and Gallant of parenting

[–]Fealiks 1 point2 points ago

Reminds me of the "Good idea, Bad idea" animaniacs shorts.

[–]jmellens 1 point2 points ago

CTRL-F "good idea"..... Upvote

[–]sardonycus 1 point2 points ago

Oops - I've been doing it all wrong apparently.

[–]bobdelany 1 point2 points ago

If only my parents had read these when I was a baby.

[–]Abezilla116 1 point2 points ago

Well, obviously I'd be a horrible parent.

[–]blu3hat 1 point2 points ago

looks like im doing a lot wrong

[–]crazy_penguin19 1 point2 points ago

I like the subtle translation errors

[–]typhoon_2099 1 point2 points ago

Regarding the 3rd picture: Some men can lactate from what I've heard. Probably not good to feed a baby with though.

[–]TubbyToad 1 point2 points ago

I've seen the playing with baby done.

[–]ZZZlist 1 point2 points ago

Dads always fuck things up.

[–]hoshin 1 point2 points ago

Thank you everyone for letting us know this is a repost. Give yourself a pat on the back.

[–]JTMTL 1 point2 points ago

Good to see someone has a good sense of humour.

[–]HelloWuWu 1 point2 points ago

I lost it at "Feeding Baby" with the drumstick.

[–]IspyAderp 1 point2 points ago

I lost it at the air horn one.

[–]mjkelly93 1 point2 points ago

Air horn is the funniest part. Who does that???

[–]diggydo 1 point2 points ago

da fuq did i just see?

[–]ehazkul 1 point2 points ago

ok, it got me at waking the baby with an air horn.

[–]R0ck0_81 1 point2 points ago

The air horn sent me over the edge.

[–]Zanesan 1 point2 points ago

Number 15 hits a little close to home. Funny story, I slept in a drawer for a little while as a baby.

[–]Bore-dome 1 point2 points ago

haha, i fucking love the baby's face while playing chess

[–]mackslc 1 point2 points ago

I don't care how many times I see this, I will always upvote for that bench pressing baby.

[–]chuchuy 1 point2 points ago

I like how his spotter is cheering him on. GO BABY.

[–]redditwithafork 1 point2 points ago

I call bullshit about the whole hospital thing.

[–]molecularmonkey 1 point2 points ago

I call bullshit. Not from a hospital.

[–]kasmackity 1 point2 points ago

Oh yeah? Which hospital?

[–]AtlasAnimated 1 point2 points ago

Does your baby even lift bro?

[–]herpderpcake 1 point2 points ago

I just completely lost my shit at the air horn one, good job OP.

[–]BrittBillion 1 point2 points ago

It never ceases to amaze me how many people conveniently carry around an air horn.

[–]cake_in_the_rain 1 point2 points ago

sadly, this is something that would probably get posted in r/wtf.....

[–]garbageman77 1 point2 points ago

Pics of the hospital or it didn't happen. These pics minus the Chinese part have been going around for years

[–]abrohamlincoln9 1 point2 points ago

The joker's parents obviously did not follow number 19 correctly

[–]Bazofwaz 1 point2 points ago

Damn it Loopins, I would upvote you if you had just told the truth!

[–]applegrumble 4 points5 points ago

Which hospital, and which ward? I'd love to go and see them myself, seeing as I'm in Beijing this week. Awesome!

[–]StoneCall 9 points10 points ago

For posterity, since OP deleted his comment and I had it open in another window:

St. Mary s Hospital - 2nd Floor (turn right from the lifts then about 3rd room on the right) - Google maps link http://goo.gl/maps/MY7Ni

[–]Eggfibre 27 points28 points ago

Unless you plan to actually visit the Children while you are there, couldn't you find a better use of your time?

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]energirl 2 points3 points ago

Two things going through my mind:

1) Why do they always have to show the dad doing everything wrong? Men are just as capable parents as women, and stereotypes showing them as being less nurturing only encourage frightened first-time fathers to take less interest in their kids.

2) Waking baby? Who the hell wakes a baby? If they're sleeping, LET EM SLEEP!!!

[–]fedupwith 43 points44 points ago

As a new father, the air horn one still has me laughing.