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top 200 commentsshow all 269

[–]julishoe 1010 points1011 points ago

The real Swim Shady

[–]FergBreath 157 points158 points ago

Marshell Mathers

[–][deleted] 42 points43 points ago

Yeah, they call me rabbit, this is a turtle race.

[–]lesi20 0 points1 point ago

Oh i know that quote!

[–]lesi20 521 points522 points ago

Cmon guys, Y'all acting like never seen a white turtle before

[–]cpxh 435 points436 points ago

Shells on the floor...

[–]keithfinn 392 points393 points ago

Like Leonardo just burst through the door.

[–][deleted] 381 points382 points ago

Whoopin shredders ass worse than before

[–]TheBlumpking 359 points360 points ago

And Dr. Doolittle said...

[–]electricmaster23 380 points381 points ago

Nothing, you idiot! Dr. Doolittle's dead!

[–]KimJongTrilllllllll 359 points360 points ago

Feminist turtles love Swiminem [vocal turntable: chigga chigga chigga] "Swim Shady, I'm sick of him Look at him, swimmin' around flappin' his you-know-what flippin' the you-know-who," "Yeah, but he's so cute though!"

[–]smmfdyb 169 points170 points ago

We ain't nothing but reptiles....well, some of us cannibals who cut other turtles open like canteloupes

[–]slntkilla 39 points40 points ago

But if we can hump dead animals and antelopes, then there's no reason that a turtle and another turtle can't elope

[–]bhattarai333 55 points56 points ago

I love reddit

[–]AtlasAnimated 181 points182 points ago

My shell is on your lips, my shell is on your lips And if I'm lucky you might just give it a little kiss

[–]legendkeeper 126 points127 points ago

I'm swim shady, yes I'm the real shady all the other swim shadies r just imatatin' so wont the real shady please swim up, please swim up, please swim up, please swim up. repeat

[–]altoid2k4 89 points90 points ago

Yeah I probably got a couple of scales up in my tail loose, but no worse than what's going on in your fish tank's bedrooms

[–]wildawkwardredditor 66 points67 points ago

This thread cannot be up voted enough.

[–]spork_off 10 points11 points ago

Chigga please.

[–]mnm899 7 points8 points ago

Whitest thread ever.

[–]musicguy2013 -3 points-2 points ago

Yeah, I probably got a couple of screws, in my shell loose, but no worse than what's going on in my owners bedroom, sometimes I go in the EAC and cut loose, I breakdance, and say to my son "YOU ROCK DUDE!"

[–]SHappens 0 points1 point ago

Oh, thanks for explaining the title.

[–]hngryhngryhippo 11 points12 points ago

I was gonna with "Will the real slim shady please swim up"

Yours may be better.

[–]Homer69 -1 points0 points ago

They say sea turtles are endangered but they film the beach when they are born and don't help them. So you should not kill them but you shouldn't help them either. Does not make sense. 4 billion seagulls are ok but sea turtles are not. Makes so much sense. They should just help turtles into the sea and every teo the help they should take one for an aqyarium.

[–]rejecthead 108 points109 points ago

More like quarterback.

[–]shroomprinter 56 points57 points ago

Coach*

[–]imjoex 48 points49 points ago

Kicker*

[–]Wade_W_Wilson 15 points16 points ago

Team owner* wait that mean-> ' <- s there are a bunch of white people doesn't it?

EDIT: Pointed it out to make it more obvious. I don't know how it happened, but let this be a lesson to all Redditors. If you forget to spellcheck you could end up like me, the creator of a comment that spits a huge wad of chewing tobacco into the face of the English language.

[–]thatdamnhansel 40 points41 points ago

Did you seriously just put an apostrophe in the middle of a verb?

[–]tykkor 18 points19 points ago

HOLY SHIT HERE COMES AN S!

[–]BisforBM 4 points5 points ago

APOSTROPHE BOMBERS, DIVE DIVE DIVE

 ''' ' '' '
' ' '
 '  ' ' '''' ' ' ' 

'''  '  ' ' '

mean s

[–]Wade_W_Wilson 0 points1 point ago

Since this accident birthed a screen cap of one of my favorite movies, I'd say overall there was a positive outcome. Have a Uboat.

[–]bushybr0ws 1 point2 points ago

Labero*

[–]C-4 3 points4 points ago

Principal in a Detroit school.

[–]secular_bride 18 points19 points ago

Your formatting is baaaaaaaad.

[–]theytooktomallen 44 points45 points ago

I'm old and can barely use this thing. Ok you're right. EDIT TWO MINUTES LATER: Oh. "baaaaad." You were trying to pull the wool over my eyes.

[–]secular_bride 16 points17 points ago

Ewe got it.

[–]sultree 4 points5 points ago

I bet he's feeling sheepish after that.

[–]DanParker001 3 points4 points ago

your joke is really baaaaaad

[–]HiVoltRock 36 points37 points ago

I was really fascinated by the shell pattern. Asymmetric but pleasant.

[–]dr_professor_patrick 21 points22 points ago

Yes, quite pleasant to look at.

[–]Cuntosaurus 17 points18 points ago

Mm. Yes. Quite.

[–]kingblueX 12 points13 points ago

Indeed

[–]grape_juice_nigz 10 points11 points ago

Hmmm, I concur.

[–]stferago 10 points11 points ago

Indubitably.

[–]a_riddle_ 1 point2 points ago

Good show. Jolly good show!

[–]secular_bride 1 point2 points ago

Lovely. Simply lovely.

[–]recreational 0 points1 point ago

I disagree.

[–]kuranosuke 0 points1 point ago

Perhaps we could exchange monosyllabic expressions of disdain elsewhere? :P

[–]MalusLupus 114 points115 points ago

OH SHIT I FORGOT ABOUT DRE

[–]ololwut 3 points4 points ago

Where are the sunglasses. :(

[–]j03l5k1 1 point2 points ago

how do you know MalusLupus wears sunglasses?

[–]jhin_mach 1 point2 points ago

dre day only meant eazy's pay day

[–]greybro 0 points1 point ago

yay you're back!

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]overit86 5 points6 points ago

Snap, bitchy teen girl realness.

[–]TheFNG 0 points1 point ago

Where is this GIF originally from?

[–]Elmonotheczar 2 points3 points ago

Glee.

[–]Lazy_I 21 points22 points ago

Sure_Ill_Draw_That predates just about everyone else's novelty drawing accounts.

[–]VonAether 14 points15 points ago

Won reddit's "best novelty account" for 2010.

[–]Barnden 16 points17 points ago

You just actin motherfucka.

[–]endermanhunter88 12 points13 points ago

All he wants to do is support his family with groceries!

[–]give_a_drummer_some 9 points10 points ago

What you think he sold em all?

[–]laffcast 115 points116 points ago

I like turtles.

[–]Cuntosaurus 26 points27 points ago

What the hell

[–]two_steps_from_hell -1 points0 points ago

[–]Jrodkin 5 points6 points ago

That's not him, he's not that old yet. Also the yearbook says his name is Sam.

[–]Sproutykins 9 points10 points ago

...great Scott, Marty, it worked! We're in 2007!

[–]Higher_Primate 4 points5 points ago

Good, 2012 is pretty shit

[–]SeisGurl9 0 points1 point ago

2007 isn't much better, go back further.

[–]TheFNG 2 points3 points ago

That gif has the power to make me cringe on any given day.

[–]megusta_tortugas 1 point2 points ago

Fucking turtles man. They're awesome.

[–]grammarRCMP 14 points15 points ago

please don't let this be the start of the albino spam

fingers crossed

[–]Drawtaru 2 points3 points ago

You mean the lucistic/white/grey spam? Anytime reddit does this, people post thing like this and say LOOK AT THIS MAJESTIC ALBINO HORSE.

[–]ifyouwereahotdog 21 points22 points ago

[–]The_Flabbergaster 2 points3 points ago

[–]ifyouwereahotdog 1 point2 points ago

he's got a nice flow

[–]The_Flabbergaster 0 points1 point ago

Yeah I'm a huge fan of both him and Brother Ali.

[–]Creative-Overloaded 62 points63 points ago

It's like the opposite of a Kanye west concert.

[–]brainytumor 16 points17 points ago

Glow in the Dark tour 2012

[–]kanyeFUCKINwest 6 points7 points ago

Hey, bitches be loving me what else could I do?

[–]charlietulchin 19 points20 points ago

he feels nervous, but on the surface he looks calm spaghetti.

[–]dumbkid 14 points15 points ago

HE KEEPS ON FORGETTING WHAT HE SPAGHETTI

[–]WhitestKidYouKnow 4 points5 points ago

THE WHOLE CROWD GOES SPAGHETTI

[–]TimesWasting 1 point2 points ago

JOKES AND JOKES AND JOKES AND JOKES

SPAGHETTI SPAGHETTI SPAGHETTI SPAGHETTI

8 MA

[–]fur-sure 12 points13 points ago

Like a rice krispie in a bowl of coco pops

[–]Ghost_Queef 0 points1 point ago

Coco Pops?

They make chocolate Rice Krispies cereal now. Also, I think you could mean Cocoa Pebbles.

Coco Pops sounds like a generic brand.

Edit: Sorry, for my ignorance towards Coco Pops cereal. I am now informed as to what they were. I'm an American, and that explains why I did not know about them. Take it easy on me, guys. It's just cereal.

[–]Ghost_Queef 7 points8 points ago

My bad, dude.

I'm in America and I have definitely never seen these. As a self-proclaimed cereal connoisseur, I should know this stuff.

[–]NZ-EzyE 5 points6 points ago

It's Coco Pops in Australia and New Zealand too, so you can add that to your connoisseurial knowledge.

[–]Ghost_Queef 1 point2 points ago

Definitely noted. No more crisped rice cereal misunderstandings in England, Australia, and New Zealand for this guy.

[–]hett 0 points1 point ago

Coco Pops exist in America: here, they're called Cocoa Krispies.

[–]Ghost_Queef 2 points3 points ago

I said that they make chocolate Rice Krispies cereal in my first reply.

I didn't know that Coco Pops was what it was called in different countries.

[–]buttons_arent_toys 0 points1 point ago

Never apologize for being English!

[–]StepOfDub 1 point2 points ago

We have those in Australia, but the monkey looks extra faggot.

[–]Mofaux11 5 points6 points ago

Leucistic hatchling! Gorgeous.

[–]Bout_It_Bout_It 42 points43 points ago

Not exactly though. There have been many white rappers almost since hip hop was invented. Which is why i always scoff when people say the only reason he was successful was his skin colour.

The difference was that all the fucked up shit he was saying, his story and his sensibilities just connected with a huge group of people. The same group of kids who would've listened to Stooges or Sex Pistols records in the 70s or Who and Rollingstone records in the 60s.

I mean, think of it. "Slim Shady" era Eminem was basically Johnny Rotten without the political pretensions. Basically a shit kicking punk. Or something i just thought of. Slim Shady was basically 4Chan's essence distilled into one individual.Wow... I just blew my own dick.

Add the alienation from being from a shitty family, the bullying, the general dark upbringing and really, he was saying the same shit that Nirvana was. At least the more serious "Eminem" persona was.

Punk spirit, alienation, humour (not to mention a complete lack of pretension)... and oh, let's not forget the small fact that he is one of the most skilled rappers to ever do it on top of that.

Potent. Just look at the guy on the "Real Slim Shady" cover. Ha, such a punk.

[–]bearrwitness 23 points24 points ago

There's actually quite a few notable white rappers now. But reddit is musically stuck in 1999 so this doesn't surprise me.

[–]cesarjulius 16 points17 points ago

Totally. Some of my favorites are the Beastie Boys, 3rd Bass, and Snow.

[–]ent_idled 5 points6 points ago

Beastie Boys! thank you for this...even if you made me feel old as fuck...their Licensed to Ill taught my son his first $10 word:

dad, what's a hypocrite? (I'm a smoker tho I dont do the two packs a day anymore)

I just HAD to put on that song for him one day when he was 5 or 6 and his mom had him on time out.

he then returned the favor at age 11 or so by turning me on to Eminem...

[–]BisforBM 1 point2 points ago

Wait, so knowing who the Beastie Boys are makes you old now?

I'm 18 and I listen to the Beastie Boys!

[–]ent_idled 1 point2 points ago

no, talking with you, who is younger than my son just did :)

I was lucky enough to buy, and still have, their album when it FIRST came out on CD...and when this video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oB0NM6reiRE ht MTV (when it was real music television) just had me rolling on the floor--specially after 'rolling' a good one

[–]Switche 5 points6 points ago

Aesop Rock, Brother Ali, Slug, Grynch, Esoteric, Sage Francis, Toby

A few of my favorite rappers who just turned out to be white when I learned more about them, all leagues better than Eminem in my book. Just some examples, but the list goes on (and on and on and on).

Also, the skin color of a rapper doesn't fucking matter.

I will grant that Eminem paraded this as being a big deal, though.

[–]Chick3nNippl3s 5 points6 points ago

For anyone that thinks Eminem isn't as skilled as some rappers of today.

Listen to this

[–]Gnarwhalrus 0 points1 point ago

That album isn't really on the same level as his better-known work. His delivery feels generic and there's crazy internals but he's not really saying anything.

[–]the_lochness 1 point2 points ago

I completely disagree. This is a succinct, prophetic, and beautiful statement about the power and permanence of his passion. Eminem will remain long after the death of Marshall Mathers and sit upon a pedestal as an example of greatness in his vocation. In a sense, he's infinite. Also, the beat is dope as fuck.

[–]Gnarwhalrus 0 points1 point ago

Good album yeah, especially that song. I'd take it over Recovery and Relapse.

[–]PresidentPaulRyan 8 points9 points ago

I think the marketing kind of fucked him over. Those big block letters with purposely bad spelling/backwards letters. I dismissed him as part of the nu-metal late 90's korn/limp bizkit/here today and gone tomorrow type act for the longest time.

Until I got high as shit one day and somehow ended up listening to the entire Marshall Mathers LP at my friends house. Epic experience. Listening to his stuff/the way he talks about the art of actually putting words/syllables together has made me either appreciate other rap so much more or see how fucking terrible some of it truly is.

[–]mathent 6 points7 points ago

"Drug Ballad" had to of been in the highlight reel of that experience, followed by a contrasting experience of Kim.

[–]infamousgerman 2 points3 points ago

The marketing didn't hurt him. MMLP sold 1.7 million its first week. Pretty sure that's the most ever by a solo artist.

[–]kid_buu 6 points7 points ago

You reddit muthafuckers don't know or hear Mac Miller, MGK, Yelawolf, Devlin , Vanilla Ice, and the fucking Beastie Boys

But I would say Eminem is a class apart followed by Beastie Boys and MGK

[–]D1NKLEBERGGG 2 points3 points ago

Some other white rapper prospects are Chris Webby & Asher Roth, Eminem has never been the only one, and still isn't.

[–]lesi20 1 point2 points ago

Vannila Ice

1/10 trolling

[–]Cormac419 13 points14 points ago

There are so many white rappers nowadays that this isn't as relevant as before, but damn that's a cool looking turtle.

[–]JPKthe3 4 points5 points ago

I'm torn because I really hate the title. It has the same clueless desperation as my mother trying to talk about "Nintendo". But damn that's a cool turtle

[–]the_lochness 1 point2 points ago

There isn't another white rapper that's even nearly as successful, though.

[–]cpxh 2 points3 points ago

The white ranger of the Ninja Turtles.

[–]Salamanagement 2 points3 points ago

Ok, break it up guys. Back to work.

[–]Gneisbaard 1 point2 points ago

Somehow, one turtle missed out on the fun of a crude oil spill.

[–]derekdanger 1 point2 points ago

am I not turtley enough for the turtle club? Turtle turtle.

[–]greyseeker 2 points3 points ago

No matter how many turtles in the sea it feels, but so empty without me.

[–]wabbitsdo 1 point2 points ago

Haha, 'cause Eminem has a long neck!

[–]NLSaha 2 points3 points ago

[–]Sariel007 2 points3 points ago

One of these things is not like the other.

[–]PresidentPaulRyan 0 points1 point ago

Some people only see that I'm white ignoring skill cuz I stand out like a green hat with an orange bill but I don't get pissed. Yall dont even see through the mist. How the fuck can I be white.

I don't even exist.

[–]brewlliant 0 points1 point ago

That turtle is a member of the Cobra!

[–]blink_again_bitch 0 points1 point ago

He wont last long in the wild unfortunately.

[–]DonaldsPizzaHaven -1 points0 points ago

it's funny because he's white!

[–]pnoyben13 0 points1 point ago

looks like a turtle to me

[–]pricemz 1 point2 points ago

i was thinking larry bird

[–]zuka_zanamee -1 points0 points ago

And yet he still has the time to rhyme and kick ass, no longer forced to commit crime every time he has spare time...

[–]metalgeargreed 0 points1 point ago

I don't get it.

[–]gothicmaster -1 points0 points ago

Hi !

[–]Jay98d 1 point2 points ago

Oh god... I can't believe it took me about 30 seconds until I finally got the joke, then laughed my ass off.

[–]overbear 0 points1 point ago

I thought for sure he was spaghetti.

[–]Pokemon_kid2012 0 points1 point ago

Narly dude

[–]juicycunts[!] 0 points1 point ago

it's like when my dog eats too much bones.

[–]crowbar520 -1 points0 points ago

HAHAHAHA

[–]STUN_Runner 1 point2 points ago

"Eminem raps like a girl." --Vanilla Ice, Vibe Magazine, 1999

[–]christianzealot 0 points1 point ago

LOL I get it, it's because he's albino!

[–]stud123 0 points1 point ago

reminds me of d12

[–]n3rdalert 0 points1 point ago

And he went on to be even more famous than any black one could have been.

[–]thebesthack -1 points0 points ago

FALSE. Eminem was a rabbit not a turtle. Referring to the movie 8 Mile where Eminem was a called "B. Rabbit."

[–]getmeoutof 0 points1 point ago

Not even true anymore. At all.

[–]aoeu00 1 point2 points ago

[–]Art-Vandelay-AIA 1 point2 points ago

Just kind of a random fact some non-MIers might not know, but the reason his movie was called 8-Mile was the geographical significance of the road. 8-Mile splits Warren from Detroit, which at the time was the most segregated metropolitan area in the nation.

[–]Tonialb007 0 points1 point ago

Repost

[–]dakotacali 0 points1 point ago

We need him to see this, it could be an album cover! REDDIT HAS THE POWER ( note the seriousness )

[–]iamfromouterspace 0 points1 point ago

soooo wrong......soooooo wrong

[–]the_man_downunder 0 points1 point ago

My first reaction: it's Michael Jackson

[–]hello2ulol 0 points1 point ago

Like Jermey Lin in the NBA

[–]akibol 0 points1 point ago

Alone in the dark

[–]samtheman0126 0 points1 point ago

The only white snapper!

[–]MrFubul 0 points1 point ago

Front Page Repost. That's talent.

[–]NotSoSlenderMan -1 points0 points ago

False. The rapper Marshal Mathers or Eminem, is not a turtle. He is a human being.

[–]Undeadsjoker579 -1 points0 points ago

repost on the front page?

[–]missprincessfairy 0 points1 point ago

But at least he STILL stands out, an up

[–]florejai000 0 points1 point ago

This happens every time Eminem is mentioned freaking love it!!

[–]whelpltn 0 points1 point ago

But no matter how many shells in the sea, it just feels so empty without me

[–]bionku 0 points1 point ago

Caused from a loss-of-function mutation.

[–]Novaprince 0 points1 point ago

This was on 9gag with the same title. I'm scared.

[–]LuD11 0 points1 point ago

Would've been better if they were rabbits.

[–]byviolet 1 point2 points ago

i fucking love submissions where the post would not be half as interesting without the title

[–]alfrednugent 0 points1 point ago

Erhmegerd erminerm

[–]bradstah 0 points1 point ago

It's a shiny!

[–]singe8 0 points1 point ago

TIL Eminem is albino.

[–]Adolf_Oliver_Bush 0 points1 point ago

You spelt Steve Nash's name wrong.

[–]mastapasta 0 points1 point ago

This is how it feels living in the ghetto.

[–]TheDobligator 0 points1 point ago

Macklemore

[–]bgarfinkel 0 points1 point ago

If you want shady this is what ill give ya, a hard shell and a pair of good flippas

[–]Underoath2981 0 points1 point ago

Yo, yo What if I was white skin the same color as cocaine? Blond hair, blue eyes The whole shibang.

[–]kilargo 0 points1 point ago

They never have enough of the white ones...

[–]njuty 0 points1 point ago

I like turtles.

[–]PeanutBags 0 points1 point ago

Or me in my highschool

[–]DENelson83 0 points1 point ago

"Yo' act like you never seen a white turtle before..."

[–]shitload -1 points0 points ago

[–]aungoyrules1 1 point2 points ago

Why....

[–]FlowerChild1994 1 point2 points ago

An albino toitle?! Epic.

[–]RutrohRihno 1 point2 points ago

upvote for making me read "toitle"

[–]FlowerChild1994 0 points1 point ago

:)

[–]Black_Apalachi 1 point2 points ago

I just realised that the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles aren't even turtles. They are tortoises.

[–]dogtag666 -5 points-4 points ago

Ill Just leave this here

http://i.imgur.com/tF7up.jpg

Now Ill show myself out.

[–]shroomprinter 5 points6 points ago

Not white enough.

[–]dogtag666 3 points4 points ago

But.....but....Cats

[–]shroomprinter 3 points4 points ago

I'm not disagreeing with you, merely suggesting that the middle cat should look more like this to be more accurate. Upvote for the effort either way. :)

[–]theytooktomallen 1 point2 points ago

You're getting downvoted for cats. Quick, do something.

[–]dogtag666 7 points8 points ago

[–]shroomprinter 0 points1 point ago

Well done, kind sir/madame.

[–]overthinks_meaning 1 point2 points ago

Behold. The first picture of cats with negative points ever on reddit.