this post was submitted on
1,472 points (56% like it)
6,615 up votes 5,143 down votes

funny

subscribe2,720,640 readers

6,602 users here now


Results of the facebook poll


Reminder: Political posts are not permitted in /r/funny. Try /r/PoliticalHumor instead!


NEW! No gore or porn (including sexually graphic images). Other NSFW content must be tagged as such


Welcome to r/Funny:

You may only post if you are funny.

Please No:

  • posts with their sole purpose being to communicate with another redditor. Click for an Example.

  • Screenshots of reddit comment threads. Post a link with context to /r/bestof or /r/defaultgems if from a default subreddit instead.

  • Posts for the specific point of it being your reddit birthday.

  • Politics - This includes the 2012 Presidential candidates or bills in congress. Try /r/politicalhumor instead.

  • Rage comics - Go to /r/fffffffuuuuuuuuuuuu instead.

  • Memes - Go to /r/AdviceAnimals or /r/Memes instead.

  • Demotivational posters - Go to /r/Demotivational instead.

  • Pictures of just text - Make a self post instead.

  • DAE posts - Go to /r/doesanybodyelse

  • eCards - the poll result was 55.02% in favor of removal. Please submit eCards to /r/ecards

  • URL shorteners - No link shorteners (or HugeURL) in either post links or comments. They will be deleted regardless of intent.

Rehosted webcomics will be removed. Please submit a link to the original comic's site and preferably an imgur link in the comments. Do not post a link to the comic image, it must be linked to the page of the comic. (*) (*)

Need more? Check out:

Still need more? See Reddit's best / worst and offensive joke collections (warning: some of those jokes are offensive / nsfw!).


Please DO NOT post personal information. This includes anything hosted on Facebook's servers, as they can be traced to the original account holder.


If your submission appears to be banned, please don't just delete it as that makes the filter hate you! Instead please send us a message with a link to the post. We'll unban it and it should get better. Please allow 10 minutes for the post to appear before messaging moderators


The moderators of /r/funny reserve the right to moderate posts and comments at their discretion, with regard to their perception of the suitability of said posts and comments for this subreddit. Thank you for your understanding.


CSS - BritishEnglishPolice ©2011

a community for

reddit is a source for what's new and popular online. vote on links that you like or dislike and help decide what's popular, or submit your own! learn more ›

all 140 comments

[–]auldnic 57 points58 points ago

TIL haddock are way bigger than pigeons.

[–]Brewster-Rooster 19 points20 points ago

heavier, anyways.

Fish seem more dense than birds.

[–]Sitrik 18 points19 points ago

Funny that, what with birds being built to fly

[–]sandman369 5 points6 points ago

Dem hollow bones.

[–]FartingBob 0 points1 point ago

But fish don't sink!

[–]LuckyAmeliza 0 points1 point ago

Because they have a Swim Bladder.

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]auldnic 11 points12 points ago

[–]PureMDC 3 points4 points ago

I had no idea Haddock were so big.

[–]starlinguk 0 points1 point ago

Tuna are surprisingly humongous too.

[–]Leostereo 9 points10 points ago

[–]landaaan 2 points3 points ago

Blistering barnacles

[–]Kronoix 3 points4 points ago

It's a webpage that allows you to search for things that you would like to know more about.

[–]BFG_9000 2 points3 points ago

Delicious. Haddock is delicious.

Especially when served like this.

[–]hesquagmire 0 points1 point ago

ewww mushy peas

[–]Sitrik 1 point2 points ago

Obviously not actually British

[–]pyratus 1 point2 points ago

Obviously, otherwise it would have been titled Lift Gold.

[–]Sitrik 4 points5 points ago

I was thinking more that he's never been in a chippy

[–]bleepbloop90 22 points23 points ago

How many unladen swallows?

[–]Duodude55 9 points10 points ago

African or European?

[–]bleepbloop90 3 points4 points ago

I don't know the answer to that ques...

[–]tech98 4 points5 points ago

AAAAAAAAAHHHHH!

[–]chris_fish 10 points11 points ago

What if the pigeons were flying?

[–]jhabitearockinspace 21 points22 points ago

Same weight since they displace their body weight in relation to the floor of the elevator and it's a relatively closed system. Mytbusters did it with pigeons in a truck.

http://mythbustersresults.com/episode77

[–]turing_inequivalent 17 points18 points ago

[–]LuckyAmeliza 2 points3 points ago

Getting that science all up in your mouth.

[–]rempek 17 points18 points ago

It's missing the "0,5 your mother"

[–]Infamously_Unknown 13 points14 points ago

So... Would you rather fight 1 horse or 2,941 pigeons?

[–]Ceejae 13 points14 points ago

Pigeons, definitely. Just hold out a tennis racket and spin around.

[–]whiskeytab 3 points4 points ago

for sure, horses are strong as shit. it will take a while to battle all those pigeons but a horse would be way harder

[–]LuckyAmeliza 0 points1 point ago

The image I got from that. Feathers everywhere. ha!

[–]firstaccounttemp 2 points3 points ago

1 horse. Without a doubt.

[–]JayGatsby727 1 point2 points ago

I'll take the horse. You ever seen The Birds? Scary shit.

[–]sage1314 3 points4 points ago

This is in the hospital club in soho, London! I was there yesterday! How exciting!

[–]BellisBlueday 2 points3 points ago

ctrl+f hospital club

[–]Trollcontrol 0 points1 point ago

It is more like Covent Garden, but yeah I go here all the time :) !

[–]forevabronze 8 points9 points ago

1 horse is 1000kg? TIL

[–]thecosmicpope 8 points9 points ago

No, it means 2 horses is over 1000kg. If a horse is 550kg, then 2 puts it over the weight limit.

[–]firstaccounttemp 4 points5 points ago

That's a fairly big horse.

[–]wildly_curious_1 6 points7 points ago

That's a ridiculously large horse. Most horses are around 500 kilos.

[–]kalleerikvahakyla 0 points1 point ago

Yet, there are horses that weigh more than 1300 kilos. My own finnish horse is about 800, she has ridiculous msucles.

[–]wildly_curious_1 0 points1 point ago

I didn't say there weren't. But I doubt the elevator sign was giving extremes. On average, I'd guess most horses are from 400-600 kilos.

[–]firstaccounttemp 0 points1 point ago

Well, I can see drafts being that size, I know several really big drafts that would probably fall in roughly that weight category, but it would be ridiculous for anything that wasn't a Percheron/Clydesdale/etc.

[–]kalleerikvahakyla 0 points1 point ago

There are some that weigh more than 1300 kilograms. Average horses are 400-600 kilograms. My finnish horse is about 800kg.

[–]Do_Not_Read 5 points6 points ago

Lift

[–]pleiades9 28 points29 points ago

Or 3 average sized Americans.

[–]jhabitearockinspace 24 points25 points ago

I've seen elevators in Holland where a 1000kg will allow for 13 people. But we've gotten a lot fatter over the years too. (not me though I've got the body of a god (a greek one, not like that muhammed guy, he looked ugly in those french comics))

[–]badphish94 1 point2 points ago

Those 9 people would have to weight 244 each to meet that 1000 kg requirement. Is that really the average weight of people now?

[–]KSUNVI 0 points1 point ago

That's not an average, that's a maximum. There are people who weigh 110kg who aren't fat.

[–]greybro 4 points5 points ago

only ron paul has a higher bravery count

[–]JoeInPhilly 5 points6 points ago

Yea because England doesn't have a problem with obesity.

[–]starlinguk 2 points3 points ago

I was sitting in a cafe today, looking at the people passing by, and I was surprised at how many fat people I saw. I mean really fat. As in "my stomach hangs out from under my shirt" fat. Then again, that cafe was next to the local chippy.

[–]FartingBob -3 points-2 points ago

We dont have fat people scooters at the entrance to every superstore though.

[–]Jumfish 2 points3 points ago

Those are actually for the disabled or elderly. It's abused by fat and lazy people, not to mention stupid teenagers who think it's funny for some reason. GET OFF MY LAWN!

[–]falousco 16 points17 points ago

le gold gem

[–]MindlessDreamer -1 points0 points ago

Just found this gem in an elevator

[–]Wahaaaay 8 points9 points ago

And a partridge in a pear tree

[–]misterskippy 2 points3 points ago

What is that in pennies?

[–]Antarmy1 4 points5 points ago

The thing is, a pound coin only weighs about 9.5 grams. So in theory, the elevator should be able to hold around 105263.157895 (£105263.15) coins, not 10,526 pound coins, which means if you robbed a bank that only takes coins, you'd have to ride the elevator around 10 times to get £1.5mil.

[–]misterskippy 1 point2 points ago

Thats 1 tonn of metal per trip, how many guys are fucking robbing this bank?

[–]hankfuckingmoody 1 point2 points ago

Maybe Apple should use elevators instead of trucks for Samsung

[–]ObsidianEagle 2 points3 points ago

Would you rather fight 1 horse-sized haddock, or 88 haddock sized horses?

[–]Parlock 4 points5 points ago

One horse-sized Haddock. Just stay the fuck out of the water.

[–]Shitballs1 1 point2 points ago

This is what you call gold?

[–]_Mattman_ 3 points4 points ago

I guess we declare things to be "source gold" now.

tumblr gold

bathroom gold

Chinese restaurant menu gold

[–]StraY_WolF 2 points3 points ago

I thought source gold is something they used in Half-Life 1.

[–]I_am_hacked -1 points0 points ago

/r/funny sinked to the level of 9GAG. And we still bitch about 9GAG stealing our Reddit "original content".

[–]PeteVenkmann 1 point2 points ago

I almost left my 88 haddock at home, too. Damn.

[–]masonshr 1 point2 points ago

african or european pigeons

[–]tonterias 1 point2 points ago

I don't know what kind of horse are you trying to put in there, but adult horses can weight starting from 350kg, but the average at least in horse racing horses is around 460kg.

[–]someguy73 0 points1 point ago

I'm calling bullshit on the bananas. You be surprised at how heavy those fuckers are when you have a lot of them bunched up.

[–]SmugPolyamorist 0 points1 point ago

Hens eggs don't weigh 160g (nearer 70g), and pound coins don't weigh 90g (9.5g)

[–]HMR 0 points1 point ago

It's funny because in the elevators here (Spain) they count 13 people for 1000 kg instead of 9.

[–]jsantos17 0 points1 point ago

Assuming everyone weight 112KG is a tad insulting. That's 246 pounds for Americans.

[–]calculatroll 0 points1 point ago

... And a partridge in a pear tree!

[–]Mah_Derpah 0 points1 point ago

Looks more like elevator silver.

[–]DrPeacemaker 0 points1 point ago

Or one of these.

[–]JessicaMaple 0 points1 point ago

After narrowly escaping an over capacity elevator last week, this sign should be in more places.

[–]KeepShoutingSir 0 points1 point ago

Ah, the hospital club lift. I know it well.

[–]BassInThePlace 0 points1 point ago

Not if the pigeons are flying

[–]v4Munch 0 points1 point ago

1000 kg - 9 people ಠ_ಠ

[–]slenderwin 0 points1 point ago

Satan's Hens...

[–]theodrixx 0 points1 point ago

I can tell from some of the pixels and from seeing lots of gold in my time

[–]silvia_s13 0 points1 point ago

Read this in John Mulaneys voice, when he's talking about Ice-T working in the Special Victims Unit.

[–]SamWalt 1 point2 points ago

Or your mom.

[–]Meatwad555 0 points1 point ago

Hen's eggs are fucking metal.

[–]Donthurtme956 0 points1 point ago

What if the pigeons just fly inside the elevator? Does it still count?

[–]TheRealSilverBlade 0 points1 point ago

Damn..I was hoping to take my 2 horses on the elevator.

[–]Loki-L 0 points1 point ago

You can still take them if you take them one at a time.

I see potential here for a vertical version of the "crossing the river with wolf,goat and cabbage" problem ...

[–]GrayTiger44 0 points1 point ago

looks like some demonic hens

[–]nuxeon 0 points1 point ago

I need this measurement in blue whales please.

[–]miaomiao 0 points1 point ago

So it's trying to say that 1,000 kg is equal to 10,526 pound....

[–]humanmanguy 0 points1 point ago

[–]Moikle 0 points1 point ago

LIL hens eggs are evil

[–]Kryptosis 0 points1 point ago

"Your mother" needs to be last on the list.

[–]AquaSuperBatMan 0 points1 point ago

What kind of place is it with a standard person weighing a 111kg?

[–]tech98 0 points1 point ago

[–]CrazyBastard 0 points1 point ago

le gold

gold is turning into the new le gems around here

[–]Menaechmus 0 points1 point ago

[–]MeatyRhombus 0 points1 point ago

TIL people are way bigger than they should be.

[–]pr1delol 0 points1 point ago

1 horse = 1000 kg? is it an american horse?

[–]myeverymovment -1 points0 points ago

....or one 'Merican

[–]maroonbandito 0 points1 point ago

Or HALF YO' MAMA.

[–]whileyouwereliving 0 points1 point ago

1/20 of your mum

[–]dayrobin 0 points1 point ago

So pound coins weigh 10.526 kg each? Thank goodness I'm broke.

[–]Obvious_Monkey 0 points1 point ago

Since when does a horse weigh a TON?

[–]SeaTwertle 0 points1 point ago

So I guess now the word "gold" is interchangeable with the word "gem"

[–]thephantomredditor 0 points1 point ago

Please note your Mom is not listed.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

my horse was 1400 lbs. im glad he could fit in this elevator. now does it also have the length and depth to accommodate a 16.3 hh irish hunter?

[–]apullin 0 points1 point ago

1000 kg does not equal 10,526 pounds.

This doesn't even make sense.

(joke)

[–]DownAndOutInLondon 0 points1 point ago

The lift at The Hospital Club, a private members club in Covent Garden

[–]CmonGuys 0 points1 point ago

Satan eggs

[–]Fig1024 0 points1 point ago

at least it didn't say "6 Americans" "12 Asians"

[–]captchyanotapassword 0 points1 point ago

455 lbs

[–]Momordicas 0 points1 point ago

sadistic hen eggs...

[–]thisisnotdan 0 points1 point ago

...and 1/2 your mom

[–]delitt 0 points1 point ago

horses weight a ton?

[–]Dahappychap 0 points1 point ago

Aaand a partridge in a pear tree!

[–]ihtfp02 0 points1 point ago

Totally misread that; thought it was 10,526 lbs. of coins...

[–]anonymoustroll -2 points-1 points ago

Must be british...

Becuase 10,000 pounds (16 ounces) of any other kind of coins weights quite a bit more than 1000kg.

[–]gnomishmidgets 0 points1 point ago

Erm....you really needed to point this fact out?...

[–]anonymoustroll 0 points1 point ago

Well, depending on which coin they used for the standard, it's very possible that someone could have less than 10,000£ (in coins) and still be over the elevator's critical weight.

If I were the facility manager or the elevator maintenance company, I would not have allowed that sign to be posted.

[–]EnnuiProfond -1 points0 points ago

  • 2 Americans

[–]The_Dorklord -2 points-1 points ago

They forgot "Or 4 americans"

[–]3sofb -4 points-3 points ago

Must be an American elevator, 1000kg = 2200 lbs/9 = 244 lbs

[–]sage1314 0 points1 point ago

Considering one of the weights is pound coins, and the fact that it's located on London, I'm guessing not.

[–]Gro-Tsen -2 points-1 points ago

Maybe it's the elevator (lift?) of the American embassy in London. ;-)

[–]sage1314 0 points1 point ago

Maybe. But it's the lift in the Hospital Club in Soho, which, to be fair, could well double as an embassy.

[–]3sofb -2 points-1 points ago

=[

[–]sage1314 -1 points0 points ago

Appear to have rather lost my sense of humour there. Sorry sweetheart!

[–]sirocon -4 points-3 points ago

Or 3 Americans

[–]volcanonacho -4 points-3 points ago

It should have said 4 Americans.

[–]Stomo -2 points-1 points ago

TIL there is a coin that weighs 10,526 pounds