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1605
1606

Going to the toilet in a club/bar past midnight... (imgur.com)

submitted ago by Quackberry

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[–]rickysauce36 87 points88 points ago

One of my worst fears is having to shit at a bar.

[–]FearTheStache13 39 points40 points ago

i used to work at a bar and i have literally mopped shit off of the walls AND ceiling

[–]naked_guy_says 10 points11 points ago

The only thing we have to fear is shit on the walls. And shit on the ceiling. And the Stache.

[–]Hugh_Jampton 5 points6 points ago

You are a hero. Seriously I would not want this job but thank you for doing your part and manning up where others would not. Pat on the back

[–]treespleaseSC 2 points3 points ago

Can you imagine how angry a person would be after shitting all over the ground, then the wall and probably their hands? They were like, fuck it and just started to throw it.

[–]apathetic_youth 0 points1 point ago

I've been there, yo put down like 10 layers of tp(if your lucky enough that they have tp) then you squat anyway and pray you ass doesn't touch the seat.

[–]sometypeofperson 0 points1 point ago

How do they do that?! Is there some kind of monkey scat-throwing contest going on that only a certain few know about? Jesus holypants Christ, leave the fucking ceiling alone.

[–]sneekeemonkee 1 point2 points ago

No worse than the girl's washroom to mop up after a shift... toilet paper everywhere. I don't even get how it's drunkenly a good idea to use THAT much toilet paper..

Yet alone the toilet ripped off the wall in the men's room, or the mountain of tampon and vomit in the womens... Oh the things you see.

[–]FearTheStache13 0 points1 point ago

oh i know it. the womens room is ALWAYS 10x worse than the mens. i have also cleaned blood infused vomit from virtually every surface in the womens room. a kid i worked with bare-handed a used tampon. goes to show how after a while nothing phases you.

[–]sneekeemonkee 0 points1 point ago

Minimum wage does crazy things to people.

The worst is not being able to tell if it's old, cream based alcohol, or vomit coming to the back.

[–]ivenoideawhat 12 points13 points ago

I had diarrhea at a club one time. Every guy that walked in made a comment, one guy even said, "it smells like Auschwitz." I owned up to it though because we all know what its like to have a stinky shit.

[–]whatwaffle 5 points6 points ago

This is one of the best Auschwitz references of all time

[–]mtbr311 8 points9 points ago

Auschitz

[–]Andewz111 5 points6 points ago

Awww-shitz.

[–]4n7h0ny 1 point2 points ago

Give a curiosity flush next time

[–]elxx 5 points6 points ago

I like the idea of a curiosity flush. "What the fuck happened here?! flush"

[–]ivenoideawhat 2 points3 points ago

Did he say courtesy wrong or am I missing something?

[–]deadasdisco 11 points12 points ago

I'm a dj so I'm in bars about 4 times a week for the last 6 or so years. I can count on one hand how many times I've shit in a bar. That's how afraid I am.

[–]poonstangable 4 points5 points ago

Scariest thing in the world is having to shit at a water park with no shoes on...

[–]Androne 3 points4 points ago

You don't care as much when you're drunk and really have to...

[–]tboner6969 5 points6 points ago

in case anyone was looking for the reason why the toilets in bars past midnight appear this way, look no further, for here is the answer. and everything has come full circle.

[–]EvilGrimace 3 points4 points ago

I feel bad for the ladies that have little to no choice when it comes to sitting down on nasty bar toilets.

[–]joshjje 8 points9 points ago

Based on many bathroom horror stories on the internet I believe they DO have a choice and exercise it often.

[–]EvilGrimace 14 points15 points ago

A friend of mine told me that the best way to avoid touching gross toilets is also one of the primary causes of gross toilets...hovering

[–]theodrixx 6 points7 points ago

It's a vicious cycle.

[–]YourOldBoyRickJames 1 point2 points ago

Menstrual cycle?

[–]virtu333 0 points1 point ago

Gotta respect their ability to do it all in sexy high heels and tight cocktail dresses

[–]jemiglio 1 point2 points ago

I accept your respect

[–]virtu333 0 points1 point ago

Next step is being able to do it in China with their damn pit toilets.

[–]yqx 2 points3 points ago

For some reason my digestion system has proven to be surprisingly smart and capable of planning. I rarely have to take a shit at work or in a bar, at least not until my digestive system has established it's safe.

[–]redpoint13 0 points1 point ago

At a bachelor party in Vegas we all piled in some van to get taken to that really big supposedly famous strip club. I'm not into strip clubs but went anyway.

By the time we got there, I HAD to shit. It was not a fun experience, nor was it quick.

When I got out of the bathroom and finally found my friends I realized I was way too drunk to be there, got a cab, and left.

The only thing I did in a strip club in Vegas at 1am was take a shit.

[–]NosferatuHeftyDance 0 points1 point ago

It's not so bad after the the first few times.

[–]evilxerox 0 points1 point ago

funny that you mention that, heres a pic of one of my local bars around 1 a.m. a few weeks ago .. NSFW

[–]rickysauce36 0 points1 point ago

Yar! That's going to replace the whale in my nightmares.

[–]Th3EviLPanda 29 points30 points ago

I'm always greeted by a guy who will stand and watch me pee at the urinals then proceed to ask me if I want to pay for a spray of aftershave as it will help me "get the pussy".

[–]7000bitches 5 points6 points ago

Because nothing is sexier than leaving the bathroom smelling better than when you went in.

[–]YorickBrowntown 6 points7 points ago

"No Calvin Klein, no 69!"

[–]Hipsterhobo 9 points10 points ago

No spray, no lay!

[–]jonboy89 1 point2 points ago

Wash your fingers for the mingers

[–]Hipsterhobo 3 points4 points ago

I've never heard that one before but another favourite is "No splash, no gash!"

[–]SimonsPure 1 point2 points ago

One I've had years and years back "Freshen up for the poonany, freshen up!"

[–]JustAFakeAccount 1 point2 points ago

No soap, no hope

[–]Hipsterhobo 0 points1 point ago

You just reminded me of "No Armani, No Poonany"

Throw in a couple rhymes and those toilet attendants will be swimming in my spare change

[–]SimonsPure 1 point2 points ago

Not mine..They want £1 for a fucking chuppa chups.

[–]lnfounded 0 points1 point ago

Would you like a paper towel for a dollar? Your sweaty shirt and jeans will stand out in the dark if you wipe on them you know.

[–]burf -4 points-3 points ago

Some of the attendants are really cool dudes, and some are obnoxious/douchey as all hell.

[–]Mr_Quagmire 37 points38 points ago

NO. Do not encourage them. There is absolutely no place in society for bathroom attendants.

[–]burf 15 points16 points ago

Sure there is: in bathrooms.

rimshot

[–]tboner6969 1 point2 points ago

tell that to Cosmo Kramer. you might upset his mother.

[–]gtrogers 0 points1 point ago

"I can wash my own hands, thanks. I don't need you to squirt soap on my hands or hand me some paper towels, either. I'm a grown man and prefer to do this myself. I don't want to feel guilty for not tipping you, either."

[–]jemiglio 0 points1 point ago

Notice how the bathrooms with attendants are the perma-clean ones? It's like that for a reason

[–]500daysofshit 23 points24 points ago

I wanna go back to ta time when Eddie Murphy made funny movies.

[–]GTFan712 6 points7 points ago

A .gif from Daddy Day Care? How did someone manage to find this? Also, how did I recognize it immediately?

[–]francisc0121 6 points7 points ago

I hadn't thought about the movie in almost 10 years, and I also recognized it immediately

Something about that scene man...

[–]Quackberry[S] 1 point2 points ago

I literally thought about it while taking a dump in a bar toilet and proceeded to drunkly make the .gif when I got home.

[–]unhappymagicplayer 13 points14 points ago

It's a slow night if someone hasn't deuced in the Urinal

[–]reedingisphun 1 point2 points ago

But who would benefit from taking a dump in the urinal?

[–]assblaster7 5 points6 points ago

I'll tell you who: http://i.imgur.com/NGTmr.jpg

[–]reedingisphun 0 points1 point ago

I hear he was also responsible for 9/11

[–]unhappymagicplayer 4 points5 points ago

The man/woman who's ass-cheeks are about to erupt in fecal matter.

[–]gangy86 5 points6 points ago

MORE LIKE THIS

[–]DoubleLiveGonzo 3 points4 points ago

This is my go-to horrifying bathroom .gif Still cracks me up more than it should.

[–]SeaBiscuit1337 0 points1 point ago

Man I just realized something. How funny would that .gif be if it was reversed?

[–]alittletooraph 3 points4 points ago

If I have to poop, I'm going home.

[–]buckfymum 1 point2 points ago

I'd sooner shit in my car than crap at a bar.

[–]Lots42 0 points1 point ago

I admire your steel-trap anus.

[–]NotGreg 6 points7 points ago

This summer I was hanging out at my buddy's apartment one saturday night, just having a couple beers. Another friend shows up and is like hey let's go to the bar there will be girls (that he knows). I kinda felt like shit, so I was apprehensive, but girls so I said ok.

So I'm at the bar with my friends and the girls and everything is cool. Then I start feeling like shit again, and it's quite clear I'm gonna have to take a shit. Then I see my ex and she's with all her friends and they're looking at our group talking and having a great time. I thought to myself, fucking sweet, she'll see me talking to all these girls. That's a silly thing to think in retrospect, I don't know why I'm sharing that.

So I try to hold my shit in for like a half hour and I'm about to die. To that point I'd never had to take a shit in a bar, but that was about to change. I b-line for the bathroom, and luckily no one is there AND the shitter has a working stall door. But the toilet is a fucking disaster, piss and probably other bodily fluids were all over the floor and seat. I had to do serious clean up before I popped a squat, and even then I just hovered like a pussy.

tl;dr shit at bar

[–]ScreamingEnglishman 3 points4 points ago

That was built up to be so much better...can you change it so that you end with DM;HS or something ridiculously outrageous.

[–]NotGreg 11 points12 points ago

Real life is disappointment.

[–]assblaster7 4 points5 points ago

This was a shitty story.

[–]r0bdawg11 7 points8 points ago

Please let this hit front page so I can find it tonight while boozing.

[–]Yoshisune 3 points4 points ago

If you have enough to drink, you can add to the disaster, rather than be bothered by it! Works every time.

[–]ta88nk 1 point2 points ago

Thought it might be poignant to mention that I am indeed sitting on the toilet whilst writing this respone. I found it to be apt.

[–]kingofthekastle 0 points1 point ago

holy shit last night i walked into the bathroom it looked like someone just had a fire hose for a stream, it was like being in a wet cave everything was soaked

[–]iliasasdf 1 point2 points ago

Once i didn't even had to open the door to get that face. There was a nice urine puddle outside the club toilet. Fun times.

[–]yeathl 0 points1 point ago

That is the only funny scene Eddie Murphy has mad in the past 2 decades.

[–]FranciscoEverywhere 0 points1 point ago

Going to the bathroom at five in the morning in my residence hall on the weekend.

[–]mrpickles 0 points1 point ago

What movie is this from? I now have to watch it.

[–]fairwayks 0 points1 point ago

My mother always said, "Nothing good ever happens after midnight."

[–]illdrawyourface 1 point2 points ago

There's always a chick crying alone in the bathroom.

[–]Jesh010 -1 points0 points ago

I once had to pee in a washroom with a door that didn't lock while standing in a puddle of piss that covered the entire floor to a depth of about 1.5 cm. That's my story, thanks for reading.

[–]xnerdyxrealistx 0 points1 point ago

It's worse coming out when someone else walks in. I feel like I have to say something or they'll think it's me.

[–]DuckSake -1 points0 points ago

I wish I knew how to use reddit so I could post a fixed gif of when a man walks into his bathroom to find shit everywhere (it was chocolate) from dumb and dumberer

[–]alltimeisrelative 0 points1 point ago

This happens before midnight, believe me, this is how I feel during the day at certain public toilets I occasionally have to go to.

[–]daielquon 1 point2 points ago

Once I went into a toilet stall in 5th Avenue in Manchester after midnight and there was shit squirted in a thin line over the walls. I say squirted because the effect achieved by the club-shitter was comparable to having shat vicious diarrhea into a bottle and deliberately drawn a straight line across the walls.

[–]urmombaconsmynarwhal 1 point2 points ago

this is probably one of the best matched titles/gifs ive seen on reddit. bravo sir

[–]waefret 1 point2 points ago

I love his expression at the very end, sort of like "Damn I really need to go! But... fuck I can't do it."

This gif really does match perfectly!

[–]lordpookus 0 points1 point ago

I remember being in a bar toilet at around 10 once, it was a fresh smelling paradise. 3 hours later.......

[–]klcna 0 points1 point ago

I don't know what the guys washrooms are like but it's mind boggling how filthy the girls washrooms get. I always swear that girls lose the power to flush after 12.

[–]pizzlewizzle 0 points1 point ago

I think I almost always use the toilet and either shit or vomit at the club. it's like.. mandatory.

[–]Invisiblelol 0 points1 point ago

Searched for this way to long! Thanks to you sir.

[–]mandalynn456 0 points1 point ago

I'm redditing in a liabrary and I had to be a tryhard not to laugh.

[–]TheWhiteWolf08 0 points1 point ago

I've never had this problem in a bar. Clubs are a different story.

[–]FusionBerry 1 point2 points ago

Last year I had a horrible bathroom experience when bar hoping with some friends. After a long night of drinking, it was getting late and we decided to hit up one last bar before we called it quits. We were meeting up with a friend’s girlfriend and company. Upon arrival at the packed bar I made a quick move for the bathroom. The first thing I noticed was a steady stream of water crawling from under the door. That should have been my first clue to turn back, but I was naive. I opened the door to see two dudes peeing in the sink and a clogged toilet giving birth. I said fuck it, and found a nice shrubbery in an ally way outside.

[–]boxxa 0 points1 point ago

Midnight? More like anytime after the first person used it. It's amazing the places that get covered in piss.

[–]shadowdorothy 0 points1 point ago

I have no idea what bars and clubs your going to. The one I go to is spotless, and people go in and clean it every hour. Plus if you make a mess they make you pay extra. Great way to ensure less stupid drinking.

[–]Lots42 0 points1 point ago

Hour?

It doesn't get to Hell Horror Nightmare stage inside of ten minutes?

[–]shadowdorothy 0 points1 point ago

Nope. If there is a mess someone is alerted within seconds. Plus the place I go is pretty nice too. Most the people that go there are hard working adults wanting to unwind after a hard days work. So most of them are not insane party animals that do such vulgar things.

[–]Lots42 0 points1 point ago

I worked in retail in multiple non-party animal venues. Poop-horrors happened.

[–]HustlerThug 0 points1 point ago

I remember at this one bar where it was a dollar beer night, at like 9:30- 10 the sinks were clogged with puke.

[–]Tanno 0 points1 point ago

This may be a stupid question. What is the film/tv show?

[–]rockafella7 -1 points0 points ago

Stop going to sleazy clubs/bars?

[–]Lots42 0 points1 point ago

Do you actually think people behave better in the public bathrooms of classy joints?

[–]CajunTurkey 0 points1 point ago

What possess people to throw crap on the walls and ceilings?

[–]Ilex63 -1 points0 points ago

The crying girls, the vomiting, piss everywhere, sometimes a bit of a bitch fight going on.... Often all of the above combined... I'd rather pee in a cup, what cruel god would make beer make us have to go pee more?! :'(

[–]renny7 0 points1 point ago

I've shit at the bar 4 times in my life, and they were all absolutely necessary. Lucky for me they were all before 10pm so the toilet was still in good shape. Always try to go before you go out..

[–]Syvandrius 0 points1 point ago

As a former bouncer I can confirm this to be a horrible, horrible experience.

[–]CaptComplacency 0 points1 point ago

went to a multilevel bar/club in downtown chicago a few months ago. the bathrooms were impeccably clean the whole night

[–]xaoq -1 points0 points ago

Anyone remembers the origin of this scene?

[–]TwasARockLobsta 0 points1 point ago

Last weekend, I was standing next to a guy who was pissing all over the wall next to the urinal he was occupying simply because he could.

He started to piss in the urinal, decided that was too lame or something, and slowly migrated his piss stream to the wall where he proceeded to giggle heartily.

I don't understand.

[–]nooneimportan7 0 points1 point ago

CBGBs man... CBGBs

[–]nneighbour 0 points1 point ago

I work unpaid at a seedy dive bar. The toilets aren't actually all that bad. My favourite are the comments you hear from first time patrons as they walk in. "Why are there 3 guys in one stall in the women's bathroom?" "Why don't the doors close?" If you spend enough time in a place like that you just get used to it and it doesn't seem that bad as long as the toilets have been flushed.

[–]Lots42 0 points1 point ago

People flush where you come from?

[–]dillybro1 0 points1 point ago

That happens at concerts too. Except way earlier than midnight.

[–]Whenindoubtpullout 0 points1 point ago

Checkmate creationists. Proof we are animals.

[–]maybachmafia 0 points1 point ago

This is the best bathroom gif

[–]great_gape 1 point2 points ago

There's Shit Everywhere

[–]exatorp 0 points1 point ago

Although you've not really hit 'shithole' status until the whole club becomes the toilet. Then you're slumming it.

[–]OmEgah15 0 points1 point ago

4 PM, I was at a Cannibal Corpse show at Hollywood's House of Blues, and I had to shit. This was my exact reaction.

[–]dinogrrrrrrr 0 points1 point ago

I love this! That part in the movie is really funny too!

[–]Iable-A 0 points1 point ago

The funniest part about this is that it loaded super slow capturing every frame of horror on his face

[–]splurgeurge 0 points1 point ago

What movie ?

[–]jemiglio 0 points1 point ago

daddy daycare i believe

[–]SimonsPure 0 points1 point ago

Without trying to sound like an egotistical dickweed, I struggle to poop in public stalls, not because I'm incapable of pooping in public, merely because I'm well endowed and my dick WILL touch the bowl..I have to hover, but I feel I have some common decensy when it comes to doing that as I atleast aim the hose.

[–]Lots42 0 points1 point ago

And as we all know, if your dick touches the bowl, a baby kitten is stabbed.

In the anus.

[–]SimonsPure 0 points1 point ago

Well then, I guess I'm not wanted on Reddit anymore.

[–]Felix2231 0 points1 point ago

I saw this same GIF before...

[–]crooks5001 0 points1 point ago

Try 10pm.

[–]wheredallthesyrupgo 0 points1 point ago

I don't know what kind of clubs you're going to. In NYC we have attendants and those places are cleaner than the bathroom in my house.

[–]asnof 0 points1 point ago

Once it gets passed around 1am here one of the nightclubs in the guys bathroom the floor seems like its made of piss, just slopping your shoes around everywhere after a little bit in there

[–]Lots42 0 points1 point ago

Going to a public restroom at any time of the day.

[–]Kyotis -1 points0 points ago

As the night progresses, the aim gets worst, I can attest to this. I was in a stall and I ended up peeing on the shoe of someone taking a dump in the next stall...

[–]SCROTUM_COMMANDER -2 points-1 points ago

Worse.

[–]naked_guy_says 1 point2 points ago

He's still pretty drunk

[–]FappableMaterial 0 points1 point ago

Oh... Oh God. The cleaning nightmares are resurfacing.

[–]fresialol 1 point2 points ago

Yeah, think about the people who have to clean it up at the end of the night.

I don't even understand how the fuck they manage to do it. How the fuck do you have a shit foot print on the ceiling? I swear it's like some one took a dump, smeared it on their shoe, and then just decided "WHAT IF I THROW MY SHOE REALLY HARD AT THE CEILING, HAHA THAT'D BE HILARIOUS!"

[–]honglath 0 points1 point ago

Nah, it's something like this: You're wasted, take a shit, but miss the toilet, step in it, try to shake it off, lose balance and fall, physics happen, shoe is thrown on ceiling or wall.

Another way: grab shitty shoe with hand, slip on wet floor, physics happen, shoe ends up on ceiling or wall.

Edit: shitty side up.

[–]CZR_BOSS -2 points-1 points ago

As I work in a bar. This is true.....

[–]yqx -2 points-1 points ago

So you're the one making it dirty?

[–]Mine6chan -2 points-1 points ago

i love this gif!!

[–]RocketJohn5 1 point2 points ago

it redefines HiDef as well as proper perspective... just sayin'... :P

[–]nofelix 0 points1 point ago

I have a bad feeling that in context it's an awful joke.

[–]austin713 -2 points-1 points ago

nothing is worse that feeling somebody elses piss sprinkling on your leg from the urinal next to you.

[–]masterbeishun -1 points0 points ago

More like my mom walking into my room after a heavy session.

[–]Jehps 0 points1 point ago

Just the smell sometimes gives my bladder the strength to hold it in.

[–]Decyde 0 points1 point ago

More like walking thru the piss on the floor if it's the men's room.

[–]0007000 0 points1 point ago

Club

Past midnight

Implying you might be at a club before midnight

Fucking casual.

[–]burf 0 points1 point ago

Depending on the bar, this is often more like "going to the toilet in a club/bar past 9:30 pm."

[–]Osskyw -2 points-1 points ago

Turns you people in the bars I frequent are not as retarded as the people you meet in bars.

[–]ForeverMarried -3 points-2 points ago

Toilet time is so fun when you are drunk off your ass, your head is spinning and peeing suddenly becomes one of the most entertaining events. You can never stand still and you are king of the world.

[–]Weft_ 0 points1 point ago

What was that one quote that was floating around here.

Anyone can piss on the floor, But it takes a real man to shit on the ceiling?

Or something like that?

[–]Chiv_Cortland -1 points0 points ago

The part where he slowly looks up is what got me. It's so unfortunately true.

[–]HMR -3 points-2 points ago

not like this?

[–]achilleshightops -3 points-2 points ago

Good Guy Will Smith

[–]silentwindofdoom77 2 points3 points ago

yo, that be Eddie.

[–]jizzquiz -3 points-2 points ago

It's really simple, ladies. If all of you nasty bitches would stop hovering, no one else would have to. Stop pissing on the seats and floors, geez!!!!

[–]DeepyWeepy 0 points1 point ago

Trying to potty train your 3 year old, it has scarred me as much as old eddy

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