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top 200 commentsshow 500

[–]zorospride 595 points596 points ago

You need all that weaponry to keep the prawns in line man.

[–]Breathing_Balls 375 points376 points ago

Fookin' prawns man and their fookin' cat food.

[–]davidjosephk 139 points140 points ago

As an Irishman, I always thought that Wikus sounded like a proper Dublin scumbag whenever he said Fookin' Prawns...

[–]alexanderpas 8 points9 points ago

As a Dutch guy, I can say i cringed when he spoke, and at the same time was happy they managed to make it sound so authentic.

[–]jonza 28 points29 points ago

Easy to sound authentic, he is South African

[–]Deathmonger96 16 points17 points ago

He is Afrikaans, dude. That was as authentic as they could get

[–]jhabitearockinspace 2 points3 points ago

That movie had fuckall to do with the Dutch. Afrikaans is a basterized child of a 17th century dutch dialect, mixed with half a dozen other languages. You might be able to understand a little afrikaans, but the English accents are completely different between Dutch and Afrikaans.

[–]Renmauzuo 53 points54 points ago

And those fookin' guys havin' pornographic activities with the prawns, man.

[–]87days 46 points47 points ago

Prawn pr0n?

[–]ach44 22 points23 points ago

[–]NoReallyItsTrue 31 points32 points ago

Whew.... that was a risky click.

[–]SycoJack 16 points17 points ago

I'm almost disappointed.

[–]lud1120 2 points3 points ago

It isn't even Zoidberg!
Why not... and how it goes.

[–]RunningMoto 5 points6 points ago

Wanted: Prawn porn. There will be karma rewarded.

[–]jTronZero 46 points47 points ago

Delivered[NSFW]

[–]RunningMoto 6 points7 points ago

Better than I could've ever expected.

[–]Binz2012 15 points16 points ago

I just watched that last night!! CLASSIC!

[–]dawntreader22 12 points13 points ago

Indeed a classic. As a matter of fact, I think I will log off and watch it again now.

[–]symbioticrebellion 46 points47 points ago

log off

What is this?

[–]scots23 3 points4 points ago

It's just a myth, don't worry. A scary story to tell by the camp fire.

[–]whitewateractual 10 points11 points ago

You can log off, but you can never leave

[–]LukeLukez 7 points8 points ago

Living it up at the website redd.... you know nevermind.

[–]Mr_fusi0n 3 points4 points ago

I was thinking more the Doors - No one here gets out of reddit alive.

[–]Murl0c 10 points11 points ago

Hate to be a grammar nazi, but it's spelled "fokken" and not fookin. You're welcome.

[–]Breathing_Balls 20 points21 points ago

[–]qxixp 4 points5 points ago

They need all that weaponry to protect the books in the library. Books are valuable

[–]sweetsweetcoffee 6 points7 points ago

Fackin' prawn eh, no place fo dem 'eer!

[–]SkatBoodig 4 points5 points ago

Whenever a thread about Johannesburg pops up, or South Africa for that matter . . .

[–]dellwho 6 points7 points ago

ha ha washing his hands lol

[–]JoeyHollywood 777 points778 points ago

2 tons of heroin behind the library?

Reading is dope!

[–]LexicalFap 176 points177 points ago

Yeah! Words and shit!

[–]tonypotenza 66 points67 points ago

[–]SycoJack 19 points20 points ago

The lighter edges around his hairline and nostrils make it look like blackface.

[–]drunk2407 8 points9 points ago

any scientific reason why this looks like caucasian face even though it's brown?

[–]GroovenileDelinquent 8 points9 points ago

Written by white male

[–]W1nd 5 points6 points ago

it's the nose

[–]Asifys 7 points8 points ago

[–]black27696 7 points8 points ago

This was a related video. Someone actually spent time on this. Like...took a few hours to make this.

Wow.

[–]viper098 19 points20 points ago

ENGLISH MOTHER FUCKER! CAN YOU READ IT?!

[–]whitewateractual 6 points7 points ago

Niet

[–]seiyonoryuu 9 points10 points ago

nyet*

we speak russian here

[–]A_Principals_Ransom 10 points11 points ago

HET! Myi govorim po-russki zdes (I don't have a cyrillic keyboard on my phone :(. )

[–]downright_unoriginal 3 points4 points ago

U vas stranniy accent.

[–]BinAlaDouT 7 points8 points ago

Top to bottom, Left to right Reading stuff is Out of sight!

[–]chamora 44 points45 points ago

That's worth 362 million. Somewhat unrelated.

[–]traumalt 31 points32 points ago

US prices, its worth way less in SA.

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]meliaesc 11 points12 points ago

Where should I buy heroin then?

[–]apteryx_274 10 points11 points ago

The Eastern US, for purity reasons.

[–]Cosmic_Charlie 6 points7 points ago

Clark and Belmont, Chicago.

[–]lovelemurs 9 points10 points ago

Depends. Prices are always exaggerated in the media. Well, cops exaggerate it for the media. They usually add up how many doses it is, and multiply by whatever a dose usually costs. But nobody sells a tonne by breaking it up in to grams or whatever first.

I'm assuming you've figured it the same way, unless of course you're a major drug dealer and know how much a tonne of heroin can be sold for.

[–]GroovenileDelinquent 7 points8 points ago

how much a tonne of heroin can be sold for.

a ton of money

[–]Theonetruth 38 points39 points ago

As a recovering reader I can confirm this.

[–]canDANIan 11 points12 points ago

But dude... you read his comment. Way to break your sobriety! I believed in you, man!

[–]Aj45 4 points5 points ago

Not even once.

[–]ThePoonHunter 128 points129 points ago

Is this real or satire?

[–]Ash29k[S] 286 points287 points ago

Satire mate....

[–]Alpinix 195 points196 points ago

Are we human or are we dancer?

[–]european_impostor 37 points38 points ago

Stupidest lyrics ever...

Well apart from Around The World

[–]LikeFireAndIce 8 points9 points ago

You really didn't go with Macarthur Park as stupidest lyrics ever?

Pressed in love's hot fevered iron like a striped pair of pants?!?!

Someone left the cake out in the rain?!?!?

What the fuck, dude.

[–]Hotseflots 45 points46 points ago

Those aren't stupid, they just don't mean anything.

"Are we human or are we dancer" is retarded.

[–]BrownNote 73 points74 points ago

Flowers did explain it once. He heard from a fellow artist (though I forget who, it was definitely a name I recognized) that mankind acts like dancers, going about a strict routine all the time following instructions that some authority is giving them and never really living. So he's asking if we're human, using the freedom we're given, or dancer, letting ourselves fall into a routine and never really "live".

[–]eyes_on_the_sky 13 points14 points ago

As a dancer, I totally thought that "dancer" implied expressing yourself more and going outside of the normal "human" boundaries/mindset. So I guess exactly the opposite of that explanation...

[–]Pineapple264 3 points4 points ago

as not a dancer, dancing makes no since to me unless im given specific instructions, though i still do not enjoy it

[–]guymandude 18 points19 points ago

Damn I always liked that song but thought the lyrics made no sense but that is actually really cool and makes perfect sense if you think about it.

[–]FartMart 3 points4 points ago

This always seemed like the obvious meaning to me.

[–]FlutterShy- 37 points38 points ago

It's an allusion to something that Hunter S. Thompson said. Thompson said that America was "raising a generation of dancers." Brandon Flowers is asking if it can really be said that we are just dancers. Flowers is implying that we have more substance than that. Ironically, Flowers also said that it was a dance song and that if you didn't want to put any thought into it, you should just dance.

I don't understand how the lyrics are retarded. They aren't explicit in meaning but a lot of poetry isn't.

[–]lovelemurs 14 points15 points ago

This is what I heard too. I don't know why he just didn't say "dancers" though.

[–]awaterujin 5 points6 points ago

Yes! Why not dancers? It would make more sense, and sound better in my opinion.

[–]soggypretzels 8 points9 points ago

What makes it retarded is that he uses the singular 'dancer'. If the lyrics were 'are we human or are we dancers' then it would make sense.

[–]agentpatsy 6 points7 points ago

None of the Killers lyrics really make any sense. Even they admit it.

[–]wiffleball_lgnd 3 points4 points ago

Started off with a kiss how did it end up like this...

[–]The3rdWorld 10 points11 points ago

it's a nice verbal motif with interesting intertones, i think they're quite thought provoking.

[–]TommyShambles 21 points22 points ago

Well that's just like, your opinion man.

[–]The3rdWorld 1 point2 points ago

maybe, but it's also somewhat of a fact - they're referencing some philosophical questions and representing a complex point of current debate; it's a rare pop song which tackles the existentialist gulf of a post-dualist awakening, i think this does it rather well but beside my tastes it's certainly a fact that it contains a 'weight' of philosophical thought and that's the general metric by which the literati discern Dickens or McEwan from an Archer or McNab...

[–]9212 7 points8 points ago

It's also very engorging, and emotionally erect.

[–]flamingeyebrows 15 points16 points ago

Oh man, I am an English major and even ** I** think you sounds like a pretentious douche. Lol!

[–]The3rdWorld 1 point2 points ago

oh wow and you probably posted too early to see what i said to the other guy..... lucky i don't base my self-worth on the opinion of english majors :D

[–]zyedy 0 points1 point ago

Stupider than "Somebody told me you have a boyfriend that looks like a girlfriend"?

Or does that mean something?

[–]verash 8 points9 points ago

My vote would go to America's "Horse With No Name": 'The heat was hot' and 'there were plants and birds and rocks and things'.

[–]european_impostor 13 points14 points ago

I actually like that song!

"I was looking at a river bed
And the story it told, of a river that flowed
Made me sad to think it was dead"

I think thats quite clever!

[–]Scipio_Africanus 13 points14 points ago

No way, man. Everything about that song is amazing from the lyrics to the Neil Young-esque singing voice.

[–]cyclura 13 points14 points ago

You're in the desert for 9 days with nothing to do. GIVE THE HORSE A FUCKING NAME!

[–]the_cowboy 3 points4 points ago

If you're trying to analyze Daft Punk lyrics for the majority of their songs, you're doing it wrong. The depth comes from the music; the words are just there to remind you that they are human, after all.

[–]tyrroi 8 points9 points ago

Are we ham or are we hamster?

[–]Yserbius 6 points7 points ago

And a lank good one at that.

[–]emberfiend 6 points7 points ago

Foreign poese down-pomping your kief grammar. Naaiers.

[–]delphium226 3 points4 points ago

Fokkin kont-lippe-hang-oppie-vloer-soos-n-duvet moertose.

[–]Plazm 6 points7 points ago

hundreds boet.

[–]Darrida 5 points6 points ago

Where's it from?

[–]Mr_Quagmire 64 points65 points ago

Johannesburg

[–]AffectiveMan 3 points4 points ago

What website are we on?

[–]MyOtherNameWasBetter 36 points37 points ago

Johannesburg

[–]Colin_Oscar_P 5 points6 points ago

What planet are we on?

[–]thelurchguy 21 points22 points ago

Johannesburg

[–]Colin_Oscar_P 5 points6 points ago

What Johannesburg are we on?

[–]BimbelMarley 15 points16 points ago

Sandton

[–]learn_after_reading 2 points3 points ago

Johann... fuck it

[–]Roboticide 2 points3 points ago

WHAT YEAR IS IT?!?

[–]Derice 4 points5 points ago

When will then be now?!

[–]IIdsandsII 4 points5 points ago

Johannesburg.com

[–]pankratov2 3 points4 points ago

Digg

[–]lowspeed 4 points5 points ago

I was like this is not real after reading the punch line...

[–]Frankeh 0 points1 point ago

Did you need to ask? It has a punch line, ffs.

[–]mazca 41 points42 points ago

Respectable newspapers are always known for using double exclamation marks!!

[–]magicbullets 11 points12 points ago

Often used in conjunction with a few question marks?!!?!?!

[–]Italian_Barrel_Roll 25 points26 points ago

What the hell is wrong with you people‽ Respectable newspapers use interrobangs!

[–]Rainb0wcrash99 4 points5 points ago

¡

[–]ReDyP 116 points117 points ago

Hahahaha it's funny because South Africa has some serious problems. :(

[–]ramenoodles103 64 points65 points ago

Woot the Fok ye know boot seth efrika??? We're cool as.

[–]maz-o 46 points47 points ago

It's like Canadian mixed with New Zealandish

[–]DisregardMyComment 11 points12 points ago

woot are you talking aboot?

Seriously though, that's probably the nicest mix of human you could have apart from Tibetan and Norwegian or something.

[–]Fat-Elvis 12 points13 points ago

The Tibetan/Norwegians are nice and polite, sure, but their suicide rate is off the charts.

[–]mickey_kneecaps 2 points3 points ago

True story: my South African mother used to tell people she was from NZ when she was travelling in Europe in the 70's. Nobody hates New Zealanders, but South Africa wasn't very popular at the time.

[–]trilWillem 8 points9 points ago

Souf Efrike.

[–]stirling_archer 14 points15 points ago

It's one word: Sahfrike. Bru.

[–]shadowofmeadow 8 points9 points ago

My parents moved from South Africa to Canada before I was born. That was 22 years ago and they consider it to be one of the best choices they ever made. Edit: I'm 20 and we're in Canada

[–]pistolpeteza 9 points10 points ago

Or they have to constantly justify their decision to themselves and their family. I have seen it plenty with South African's in Australia.

[–]DrObsequious 11 points12 points ago

Yea, you know it's bad when South Africans are moving to Zimbabwe.

[–]Tpex 4 points5 points ago

LOL South African here, sauce?

[–]tonypotenza 1 point2 points ago

American gasps as they thought Johannesburg was in Europe.

[–]Ninjatertl 43 points44 points ago

No, we all know it is in SA. We've all seen District 9

[–]RedGoatSurprise 26 points27 points ago

Haha stupid Americans, right guys?

[–]caseycoold 25 points26 points ago

American here. I was in Johannesburg last year. South Africa and Lesotho were very pretty. Very dangerous areas here and there but I would rate it about the same as parts of DC. And I know where it is on a globe. kthanksbye

[–]solitz 11 points12 points ago

You are the 1%.

[–]Qieth 10 points11 points ago

"8 things you'll"... 8 things I'll WHAT?! I NEED TO KNOW!

[–]YouKnowYouDontWantTo 9 points10 points ago

As a South African, reading these onomatopoeic-accent comments are pretty hilarious.

[–]ProvidesTranscripts 14 points15 points ago

[What seems to be a magazine article. The beginning of the headline is cut off.]

...Hilbrow, Johannesburg

Gauteng Police just announced the discovery of an arms cache of 200 semi-automatic rifles with 250,000 rounds of ammunition.

10 Anti-tank missiles, 4 grenade launchers, 2 tons of heroin, R80 million in forged South African banknotes and 25 trafficked prostitutes all in a block of flats behind the Hillbrow Public Library. Local residents were stunned.

A community spokesman said: "We're shocked. We never even knew we had a library!!"

[–]Deeply_Shallow 6 points7 points ago

Honestly thought it was an ad for Borderlands 2.

[–]bobtheunbeatable 4 points5 points ago

i just want you to know i laughed at that for a solid minute, thank you for making my day

[–]Takamei1 5 points6 points ago

ahh Yeah! My City's on the Hot Page! even if it is for guns, drugs, money prostitutes and BOOKS!

[–]T2112 21 points22 points ago

Gods I wish I could afford stockpiles like that.

[–]panamaspace 72 points73 points ago

I've never been able to stockpile more than 16-18 trafficked prostitutes, alive or otherwise.

[–]T2112 24 points25 points ago

My impala will hold maybe 3 in the trunk plus 4 in the cab. So if I get midgets I can double or cripple that number depending how you stack em. As for storing in the house, how do you think a store would react to me asking what the body capacity of a deep freeze is?

[–]d_wootang 12 points13 points ago

Not sure if you meant cripple or triple, but either way still entertaining; and don't ask for body capacity, ask how many sides of beef it will hold. Roughly the same size as a smaller person(prostitute) and doesn't raise suspicion.

Edit: I just worked out that if you stack them lengthways and cross ways at the end(like an I) in my truck bed, you can move 24(maybe 30 if they are very skinny and don't mind being squished) at once; just throw a tarp over them and you are good to go.

Credentials: I have gotten 10 people into a tiny as shit Honda Civic, and still had room to drive

[–]dermerserers -1 points0 points ago

i'd imagine it'd go down a storm, let me know how it goes

[–]Vassago81 2 points3 points ago

Is your 2 tons of heroin stored in a dry, locked room? I used to lose 6 prostitute a month until I locked mine, now i'm down to 3-4.

[–]eviloverlord88 16 points17 points ago

Ah, the old Johannesburg switch-a-roo

[–]felix_dro 13 points14 points ago

I have no original thoughts because I am not clever

[–]zyedy 3 points4 points ago

If you wanted to be REALLY unoriginal, you could have said "I am not a clever man."

[–]upyerkilt67 8 points9 points ago

Im more shocked people in Hillbrow can read!!!

[–]swrdswllngwhr 3 points4 points ago

This week on Doomsday Preppers...

[–]Italian_Barrel_Roll 3 points4 points ago

I think this article just described the inventory I carry around on my person in any given GTA game.

[–]iamoldmilkjug 3 points4 points ago

RE: RE: RE: FWD: FWD: FWD: FWD: FWD: FWD: FWD: FWD:

[–]mikwerdna 2 points3 points ago

Fucking awesome finish! hahaha

[–]khdutton 5 points6 points ago

Looks legit.

[–]magicbullets 0 points1 point ago

They may have "discovered" it, but did they manage to repossess the cache? Sounds as if you'd need a small army to do so.

[–]waefret 6 points7 points ago

I... I think you may be overthinking this.

[–]magicbullets 3 points4 points ago

You're quite right. It was early. I was pre-coffee.

[–]RufioRufioRufio0o -1 points0 points ago

Looks like they were gearing up for the zombie apocalypse

[–]PerilousPancakes 1 point2 points ago

PUNK-ASS BOOK JOCKEYS!

[–]ultrablastermegatron 0 points1 point ago

anybody else wish they could have a party like that.

[–]spacemanspiff30 0 points1 point ago

Sounds like Idaho to me

[–]nastros 1 point2 points ago

This is an old joke heard it in Ireland a few times mainly referencing Moyross in Limerick

[–]The_F_uckin_B_I -1 points0 points ago

yeah, you never knew cos was a brodel.

[–]Kalanth 0 points1 point ago

Why does that last comment make this feel like it is coming from The Onion?

[–]Scisyhp 2 points3 points ago

Because it's literally exactly what they would write?

[–]jambobinman 0 points1 point ago

This must be where FPS Russia lives

[–]zkredux -1 points0 points ago

Carrier logic: Now that we have more subscribers with data plans (read: revenue) than ever before, we have to find new ways to nickle and dime people, because record profits just aren't good enough.

[–]searcher13 -1 points0 points ago

In Texas, they call that grandma's house.

[–]BatTitties 0 points1 point ago

That was the building from Dredd

[–]BrittleRiddle 0 points1 point ago

It was the heroin that oversold it

[–]leafssuck 0 points1 point ago

That's a lot of heroin. Jesus. Johannesburg is quite nice sometimes though. But the slums are really sad.

[–]chealey23 -1 points0 points ago

Like a Sir!

[–]fatcat535 0 points1 point ago

Texan here, that's just a small collection...he must be young just starting out.

[–]Syriom 0 points1 point ago

I'm surprised the cops didn't take a piece.. or did they?

[–]buckiaz 0 points1 point ago

That sounds like a freakin' awesome party!!

[–]patrickonreddit 0 points1 point ago

A secret underground passage between the library and the flats was also discovered.

[–]cogito_ergo_bacon 1 point2 points ago

bahaha the ol' Reddit- NO! NO I AM NOT GOING DOWN THAT HOLE

[–]EvanFot 0 points1 point ago

Damn, I study right by Hillbrow and I missed the party

[–]didje 0 points1 point ago

LOLibrary!

[–]Stare_Decisis 0 points1 point ago

Yeah, that was alot of party favors!

[–]siricing 0 points1 point ago

"8 things you never expect to find in a block of flats"

[–]falldownfallup 1 point2 points ago

That's it, fuck this sub reddit.

[–]ElBravo 1 point2 points ago

zef all over

[–]danbronson 0 points1 point ago

2 tons of heroin eh?

[–]GoodGuyNixon 0 points1 point ago

Ah, the ol' South African switcharoo...

[–]lungleg -1 points0 points ago

What paper was this in, and when from. Did this happen recently?

[–]MF_Doomed 1 point2 points ago

8 things I'll what? 8 things I'll what?!

[–]EOTWAWKI 0 points1 point ago

Wasn't expecting that.

[–]I_Am_Coder -1 points0 points ago

Who here remembers Hideout? Best. Club. Ever.

[–]flavarnovich 0 points1 point ago

Can't open the link, any other links?

[–]SleepyEel 0 points1 point ago

Fuckin' prawns man.

[–]mintbacon 0 points1 point ago

Wikus!

[–]Cancani 0 points1 point ago

A LIBRARY?!

[–]VibratingMunt 0 points1 point ago

FOOOKIN' PRAWNS!

[–]ladada2001 0 points1 point ago

[–]sheldonpooper 1 point2 points ago

ITT: South Africans making themselves known.

[–]moneyeagle 0 points1 point ago

TIA!

[–]ElderlyJr 0 points1 point ago

What the hell is a Gauteng?

[–]TheOneGerman 0 points1 point ago

Hillbrow the ghetto of Johannesburg

[–]Undergrounder1 0 points1 point ago

When is Johannesburg become almost any city in 'Murica?

[–]wickers 0 points1 point ago

Hmm..for some reason I thought this link was the "Good 'ol Claptrap" one. It made more sense to me. I mean..what else does this sound like but one of Claptrap's sweet reward caches of weapons and supplies?

[–]staythepath 0 points1 point ago

Two TONS of heroin? I don't know. That doesn't sound right. That shit is super expensive. That has to be worth more than 80 million dollars alone.

[–]Shnazzyone 0 points1 point ago

I sense the onion is behind this blurb.

[–]ksmcqueen 0 points1 point ago

Looks like the onion to me. Legit?

[–]delaney18 0 points1 point ago

On a bright note, now they know where the library is located.

[–]authentic_trust_me 0 points1 point ago

That was an amazing punchline.