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1920
1921

What dating feels like: (i.imgur.com)

submitted ago by IsThereADog

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[–]Phillile 46 points47 points ago

May I suggest not showing her your banana immediately after meeting her?

[–]sometool89 10 points11 points ago

Things would be far more intimate and sincere later, if she would go ahead and acknowledge the banana right off the bat. Then they could go from there and orangutan would calm down.

[–]illmaticmat 1 point2 points ago

I showed that bitch a banana, bitches love bananas.

[–]DTFpanda 72 points73 points ago

It's more like this for me.

[–]nwsreddit 33 points34 points ago

Kudos for going down the hill. A lot of people like to stand scared at the top and make remarks about how stupid it looks.

[–]DTFpanda 14 points15 points ago

Thanks. I'm too slow to realize that most women my age aren't looking for anything serious until I've scared them away with accidental serious talk. You know, like "I can't wait till we get married lol. What'd you say your name was?"

[–]authentic_apocrypha 9 points10 points ago

I had one guy naming our kids on the first date, then cry and ask why when a declined a second date.

[–]DTFpanda 9 points10 points ago

Sorry about that.

[–]paralacausa 2 points3 points ago

For more own amusement, what was he thinking of calling your future offspring?

[–]authentic_apocrypha 7 points8 points ago

The boy name stuck with me, "Neo." I forgot the girl name. This was in 2007 or 2008, I believe.

[–]thisisnotmyrealsnyo 10 points11 points ago

Oh my god he was gonna be the one you've screwed over humanity

[–]paralacausa 2 points3 points ago

Did this guy in wear sunglasses, a full-length leather jacket and keep banging on about red and blue pills?

[–]authentic_apocrypha 9 points10 points ago

No, unfortunately the only thing he was banging on about was why waitresses didn't deserve any of his hard earned money for a tip, since they are paid hourly for serving us. That actually put me off more than the naming our kids thing.

[–]Symbiotx 4 points5 points ago

Clearly YOU are neo, because you dodged a fuckin' bullet.

[–]MusicNotesAndOctopie 2 points3 points ago

YYYYYEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH

[–]The_Painted_Man 1 point2 points ago

Your username is Down To Fuck panda, yet you say you are after serious women? Mixed messages.

[–]Last_Dinosaur 4 points5 points ago

"I'm doing it! I'm doing it! I'M DOI- WHARGARBLBGLGLEBAG"

[–]authentic_apocrypha 5 points6 points ago

My ten year old son said with absolutely seriousness "they are racing to get the cheese." Can anyone explain to me what he is talking about?

[–]awkward-response 11 points12 points ago

He's not lying, cheese rolling (I think that's the name of it) is a game played up in the north of England

[–]authentic_apocrypha 1 point2 points ago

Ha, nice. He is much too serious a person to be joking or make up a lie, so I figured there was something to it. I'll have to look it up.

Edit:* and I wonder how he knows about it. He never fails to amaze me.

[–]Aezzle 2 points3 points ago

Your son knows his cheese. Have an upvote.

[–]SassyShakespearean 0 points1 point ago

If he gets muse magazine (made by the cricket mag people) it told me and my bro about that years ago...

[–]Kryten_2X4B_523P 5 points6 points ago

Thats the funniest catastrophic neck injury footage I've seen.

[–]Slayer500x 3 points4 points ago

The more i watch, the funnier it gets

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]pfrench 5 points6 points ago

Your ex-boyfriend is jewelry?

[–]JesterAzazel 189 points190 points ago

Like you're a big hairy ape trying to shove something in a bitch's mouth and she turns her head away?

[–]mongster2 5 points6 points ago

The ape's face makes it.

[–]SniperTooL 7 points8 points ago

It's both amazing and amusing that the top comment is just simply describing exactly what the image is. Well, I for one am amused, not sure about everyone else.

[–]JesterAzazel 3 points4 points ago

SRS didn't appreciate it much. Go figure.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points ago

It's helpful for us over at r/blind

[–]sRsSrSsRsSrS -1 points0 points ago

:'(

[–]JesterAzazel 25 points26 points ago

Yesss! I feel like I've won an award every time they post me in SRS.

EDIT: Make sure to upvote my comment is SRS. I'm going for the top, baby!

[–]slycurgus 22 points23 points ago

I don't see why that comment would have earned you a SRS submission, to be honest. Aside from recklessly assuming the dog's gender, you didn't say anything that wasn't already implied at least a little by OP's image...

[–]Syn7axError 13 points14 points ago

That's not how SRS works. It's not an honest criticism of reddit's behaviour.

[–]Cheap_Ass_Sunglasses 10 points11 points ago

A lot of people on SRS are people who can't take a joke.

[–]Excentinel 19 points20 points ago

A lot of people sluts on SRS are people cunts who can't take a joke.

FTFY. Those butthurt bitches don't deserve to be called people.

[–]Noir_Bass 9 points10 points ago

Oh god you probably gave someone from srs an aneurysm with that post. I love you.

[–]Excentinel 5 points6 points ago

I prefer to think I gave some dumb cunt a hemorrhoid.

[–]iSqueezeBunnies 0 points1 point ago

I thought it was all a joke. Like they do it in jest " haha look the shit this redditor said... isn't that hilarious" sorts.

[–]Cheap_Ass_Sunglasses 4 points5 points ago

No, SRS is like "This dude made a rape joke, what a jackass! Let's shun him and assume he's a complete dick because of his joke that we're too dense to laugh at!"

[–]coingiboi 1 point2 points ago

Isn't SRS where the white knights unite? This submission seems perfect.

[–]slycurgus 1 point2 points ago

I'm not sure I follow. I haven't really paid a great deal of attention to SRS, admittedly, but it was my understanding that they basically just showcased examples of intolerance (etc) that popped up on reddit. Was I mistaken?

[–]JesterAzazel 8 points9 points ago

You're partially correct. But they tend to take things too seriously and get offended over a lot of things that wouldn't bother normal people.

[–]slycurgus -1 points0 points ago

Figures, I guess. This is the internet, after all.

[–]TwoMidgetsInALabcoat 9 points10 points ago

Yes.

[–]kaylakaylakayla 1 point2 points ago

Only ~3% of the world's population is gay.
That means you have ~0.1% chance of both the orangutan and the dog being figuratively gay.
As a comparison, ~15% of humans of any sex are allergic to bananas.

Who's sexist now, you lambasting bitches? Maybe the dog's on a diet? Fuck you all!

Fun fact: Male bed bugs have pheromone based rape whistles for when another male tries to mount them.

[–]slycurgus -1 points0 points ago

I'm not sure I followed much if any of your train of thought there, but some good points nonetheless! Plus you used numbers, which are a sure sign that I should pay attention.

Speaking of those numbers, though, they seem a little off - 3% seems low for the gay population, and 15% seems crazy-high for banana allergy. I don't think I've met or even heard of someone allergic to bananas.

[–]kaylakaylakayla 0 points1 point ago

Hey, we're talking about gays with bananas here :P combined with lesbians, 6% is a low estimate of those with homosexual tendencies... ...and, yeah, it's kind of like how the majority of people are allergic to milk. Doesn't stop us drinking it.
Isn't it nice how gays are becoming more and more openly common?

Fun fact: Two thirds of intercourse between gibbons are between two females. Keep on grinding, ladies! Sapphic is sassy!

You are now subscribed to homophilic animal facts.

[–]slycurgus 1 point2 points ago

Wait, a majority of people are milk-allergic?? My whole life is a lie.

As for the subscription.. I guess it's a change from Cat Facts?

[–]JesterAzazel 1 point2 points ago

Scissor me timbers!

[–]Excentinel 9 points10 points ago

SRS is an amalgamation of the impotent rage of every butthurt helicopter parent, sexless post-feminist, and every other whiny self-important bitches on the internet. They are basically permanently PMSing, except any normal woman wouldn't be as quick to get pissed as those cunts.

[–]GuessWho_O 0 points1 point ago

Seeing comments like that being the absolute "top" comment make me wonder why I even try to be creative. Ill think about a comment for about 10 seconds before I say it. Now, I'm just going to describe the exact picture and hope for the best.

[–]JesterAzazel 0 points1 point ago

You just have to put a creative spin on it.

[–]JesterAzazel 1 point2 points ago

SRS is know for blowing things out of proportion. In fact, that's usually how I end up there. Lol.

[–]KimJongIlSunglasses 2 points3 points ago

Oh are those guys still around? I'm not sure what their troll is, but they started fucking PMing me once out of the blue. I reported that as spam and I consider it an abuse of reddit's PM system.

[–]gregclouds 2 points3 points ago

Would it be the shitty person award?

[–]JesterAzazel 7 points8 points ago

It can be whatever you want it to be.

[–]Xervicx 4 points5 points ago

Listen to this guy, he knows his stuff.

[–]marzu -1 points0 points ago

Get out. I really don't get these retarded SRS people.

[–]orzof -2 points-1 points ago

I remember when SRS bots posted links. I'm waaaaaay too lazy for this.

[–]Babysaywhat 0 points1 point ago

I think you might be doing dating wrong if it makes you feel like a primate face raping someone. Most of us dont get that feel. Ever.

[–]JesterAzazel 0 points1 point ago

I never said I'm the one that feels like that, I was just translating OP's picture into words.

[–]RU_Pickman -4 points-3 points ago

Like you're a big hairy ape trying to shove something your banana in a bitch's mouth and she turns her head away?

ftfy, but an excellent start sir/madam/ect.

[–]JesterAzazel 0 points1 point ago

Sir.

Thank you, I like your version better.

[–]miggins 27 points28 points ago

I don't know why, but this makes me sad.

[–]broden 26 points27 points ago

It's because the orangutan's perceived loneliness reminds us of the fundamental incompatibility of relationships.

ONLY JOKING

[–]Safda 0 points1 point ago

That was surprisingly hilarious.

[–]kitreddit 43 points44 points ago

What dating should be like

[–]hoganloaf 37 points38 points ago

What the lactating jesus am I looking at here?

[–]mrgreenjeans9 4 points5 points ago

does he turn his milk into some other beverage? i'm familiar with the whole water-to-wine myth...just wondered what you could make of jebus breastmilk

[–]Golden-Calf 3 points4 points ago

There are a few medieval paintings of Jesus lactating with his disciples/followers nursing. Mostly they're of people nursing from his stigmata, but there are also paintings of people nursing from his breasts. Jesus lactates olive oil, or in some cases a "divine nectar". Drinking it made the followers holy and healed their wounds.

I minored in religious studies and one of my classes spent a while discussing that topic.

[–]mrgreenjeans9 -1 points0 points ago

as if it couldn't get any more unfathomable...wow.

[–]hoganloaf 3 points4 points ago

he probably could secrete something else from his holy nips, but he mainly uses the milk to make jesus butter for brownies on the pope's cake day

[–]his_tallness 2 points3 points ago

I heard his nips were like icing pipettes and he would decorate cakes with them.

[–]Thad_Jarvis 3 points4 points ago

Bailey's Irish Cream

[–]mrgreenjeans9 -1 points0 points ago

jesus juice?

[–]Thad_Jarvis 0 points1 point ago

exactly

[–]Bluemoon_333 0 points1 point ago

If you look at it closely, it looks like the gif is backwards. I think in the original the cat actually spit up the banana!

[–]hoganloaf 2 points3 points ago

Mighty fine sluething there Mr Moon

[–]IsThereADog[S] 0 points1 point ago

This kills the penis

[–]2dollarb 13 points14 points ago

If that were feces, the dog would be all over it.

There's a lesson in that somewhere...

[–]deafblindmute 20 points21 points ago

THEN STOP FUCKING DOGS! I am sorry. That picture just got me really emotional.

[–]irrelephantusrname 11 points12 points ago

Poor Colby..

[–]FlutterDash00 7 points8 points ago

Wow....this really does happen in every thread.

[–]vinsite 8 points9 points ago

"Come on try it. Just for a second. Just to see how it tastes."

[–]CoffeeIsMyConstant 4 points5 points ago

Just the tip....aaaaand now you've bitten it off.

[–]its_Basi 6 points7 points ago

Actually a really cute story: [Link]

[–]sashahaha 1 point2 points ago

Omg, how cute! Thanks for sharing!

[–]dakru 3 points4 points ago

That's actually pretty decent. I think a lot of people go wrong because they do what would work pretty well on them and other members of their sex, when it's not what would work very well on the opposite sex.

[–]GodkillMe 0 points1 point ago

haha..!!!

[–]narcalexi 1 point2 points ago

German Shorthaired Pointers will eat anything

[–]cowens 1 point2 points ago

Agreed, mine has learned to open cupboards. We had to put up baby gates to keep him out of the kitchen.

[–]grt3 3 points4 points ago

I'm not a particularly big fan of dogs, but German Shorthaired Pointers are incredible animals.

[–]Dam_Herpond -1 points0 points ago

This picture is strange and confusing to me...

Oh, now I see why it's like dating

[–]bigsquirrel -1 points0 points ago

Is the dude the dog? Are these both dudes? I'm confused....

[–]Qurse 0 points1 point ago

As the dog? The orangutan? Or the banana?

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]Vinnie5 -1 points0 points ago

EXACTLY.

[–]ex1machina -1 points0 points ago

Oh, lunch? Well, better bring some dog food. ’Cause all the girls you date are dogs, and... dogs love dog food, right, Pop?

[–]Retanaru -1 points0 points ago

Do you like this thing I love? No? Well... shit.

[–]AbusingVitaminK -1 points0 points ago

Stop dating the wrong women for you.

Problem solved.

[–]snailwater -1 points0 points ago

I want to see the dog eat that banana.

[–]forthing -1 points0 points ago

this is my favorite picture ever.

[–]JCAPS766 -1 points0 points ago

the orangutan's expression just does it for me

[–]CaptainNapalm -1 points0 points ago

The perfect caption for that picture.

[–]My_fifth_account 0 points1 point ago

There's a Colby joke in that.

[–]a_slimy_dogfart 0 points1 point ago

This shit is bananas.

[–]StarchysABeelzebub 0 points1 point ago

You need a new gf.

[–]rwm5236 0 points1 point ago

I just met these two awesome animals!!!!! They are at the T.I.G.E.R.S. place in Myrtle Beach, SC.

[–]sweetpotatosaurus 0 points1 point ago

That orange thing is ADORABLE.

[–]shakesy 0 points1 point ago

Ya? Well she's a real bitch anyway

[–]KimicalAssassin 0 points1 point ago

You mean what marriage feels like?!?!

[–]CoyoteStark 0 points1 point ago

Yes, there is a dog.

[–]TheHugeBastard 0 points1 point ago

Wanted to say this. You got an upvote instead.

[–]Day_Nuh 0 points1 point ago

Aww GSP!

[–]kimjongilltech 0 points1 point ago

Not the Crusades. I think you mean the Inquisition. That shit went on from like 1200 and dint fully end officially until like 1950's

[–]TwinTurboSkyline 0 points1 point ago

Stahp.

[–]ahunt14 1 point2 points ago

The actual story behind this orangutan and dog is quite inspiring
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P3SbjjMChqw

[–]aatoth 1 point2 points ago

Thanks for posting. Was just going to find and post it myself.

As an owner of a German Shorthaired, I would definitely recommend them as a family pet. They can be a bit hyperactive sometimes (especially with squirrels around), but they're incredibly affectionate and have quite a great deal of patience (I sometimes stack his toys and stuffed animals on him while he's lying down, and they could stay that way for almost an hour)

[–]ragem411 1 point2 points ago

For those who dont know the monkey and the dog live in murtle beach on a property with a bunch if tigers and a liger. The monkey is one of the first of its kind to swim and was inspired by the dog to do it. Source: i met them

[–]ImGoingToPhuket -1 points0 points ago

Hey, who wants to argue about how to peel a banana. Your supposed to open from the non stem by pinching. That's how monkeys do it and it's fail proof. I'm right! Your wrong! Now let's argue.

[–]authentic_apocrypha 0 points1 point ago

I want to argue, but I agree with you. First world problem?

[–]captain_jerkface -2 points-1 points ago

As much as we love our dogs and feel like they understand us. Dogs are dumb enough that non-human great apes can keep them as pets. Think about it.

[–]Aleax2358 -1 points0 points ago

So you're saying that dogs are smart enough to communicate with other animals than just other dogs and humans.

[–]captain_jerkface -2 points-1 points ago

Well, dogs are certainly adaptable and amazing creatures. I just wonder sometimes how big the intelligence gap is. Suppose I woke up tomorrow and my intelligence was reduced to that of the orangutan in the picture. Would my dog be able to tell the difference? I bet he wouldn't. He certainly wouldn't be able to tell if I just became a "pretty dumb" human, because I'd still be so far beyond him. On the other hand he'd definitely be able to tell if I dropped to the level of a sea slug. Where's the threshold?

[–]RussianBearUnicycle -1 points0 points ago

maybe monkey should not date dog? find another monkey that also likes bananas!

[–]RyanRaygun -4 points-3 points ago

Bitch.

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