Giada misses the point

catmoon · 1 month

Have you ever noticed how good Giada's husband has it? In every episode I've watched she makes a ridiculous meal with mixed drinks and dessert. Then her husband stumbles in with a surfboard and his bros from the beach, and they engorge themselves on the already-prepared feast.

The guy basically dicks around all day and comes home to a professionally cooked meal made by his adoring wife. I bet Martha Stewart's sex slave probably watches that show with extreme regret and jealousy.

no_talent_ass_clown · 1 month

Googled Giada... here were the top four http://imgur.com/PSzsG

RahadJackson · 1 month

February 2012 in internet years is essentially the Bronze Age.

stefeyboy · 1 month

Crème fraîche

DankAsShit · 1 month

Or maybe she does get it http://i.imgur.com/OBYcV.gif

Schamson · 1 month

My brother and I watched her one time. It took us about 20 minutes to notice she has a MASSIVE head. It's ridiculously big, she's like a real life bobblehead. But she was cooking something... food. Fuck if I know. Huge head though.

TL;DR Tits

Auzzi3 · 1 month

I just wiki'd her... Shes 42?! Has to be one of the sexiest 42 year olds by far!

no_talent_ass_clown · 1 month

She's the entire reason the Food Network is broadcast in HD.

drunk_otter · 1 month

I'm just picturing a sock full of bechamel

chupa72 · 1 month

She definitely got the point

vinegarstrokes420 · 1 month

With the constant cleave shirts she wears, I'm pretty sure she knows what's going on

TheKingInTheNorth · 1 month

She gets it. She came and spoke at my office while doing a book tour a few months back, and during the Q&A segment, some dude asked her: "What are your favorite food words to say in Italian?"

The host said something to the effect of "what a weird question, you don't have to answer." As everyone in the audience chuckled.

Then Giada chuckled herself and said "No, its ok. Its a thing my fans love." Then she proceeds to say, in her sexy-voice, "Mozzarella... parmigiano reggiano.... ... prrosciuuuttto."

People like her don't maintain their fame for being hot and naive by actually being naive.

Jota769 · 1 month

while working at Target in the summer right after graduating college, I would have to stock the shelves with a million of her products. To pass the time I made up a song about Giada. It was mostly me spelling her name to the Oscar Meyer song, but slowly... It evolved.

It started innocently enough. I began mocking her impossibly white, straight teeth. Then I began calling her a bitch and telling her that nobody loved her. As my malcontent with my minimum-wage job grew, so did the darkness of my song.

I grew to hate Giada. She represented everything in my life I wanted, but couldn't have. Her bright, empty smile bore into my eyes. She laughed at me from the confines of her twelve inch stainless steel nonstick sauté pan and her seventy dollar warp-proof, tarnish-resistant, panini pan with press.

That panini pan was red. Like blood.

I remember one Tuesday in particular. I fantasized, while stocking Giada's 23.5 oz Tomato Basil Sauce, that Todd had gotten her pregnant. They had a big party. Giada, Todd, and little Jade Marie all gathered in their beautiful studio kitchen and made a beautiful cake together. However, when they opened the oven, the cake was completely flat.

Concerned, Giada tried again. When they eagerly opened the over, fully expecting a big, fluffy, savory cake, they saw again that it was flat.

Flummoxed, Giada tried to make a simple spaghetti dish. No good. The spaghetti was stiff and the sauce turned to ash in her mouth. With mounting horror, poor Giada had realized the terrible truth.

She had lost her ability to cook.

The studio caught wind of this and, with the uncompromising iron fist of the network, immediately canned her. Todd, unable to cope with the loss of money, foreclosure of their mansion, and general inability to eat any of Giada's terrible food, filed for divorce. He gained custody of little Jade Marie and stole her away in the night.

Giada was left alone, destitute. Every day she begged for money on the streets. Any spare change she could pilfer she used to buy flour, sugar, and butter. She would make a small fire in the woods and desperately try to cook something, anything, anything remotely edible.... But it was impossible.

Very quickly she turned to drugs and prostitution and ended up a depressed shell of her former self, alone in a hotel room, trying to cook her famous chocolate and cheese danishes on the radiator.

Now, sitting at my comfortable desk in at my pleasant, middle class job, I am reminded of the terrible conditions I left that poor woman in. Alone, crying through her eyeliner, trying desperately to return to her former glory.

I am so sorry Giada. I'm so sorry.

TL;DR: I killed Giada De Laurentiis

Wrym · 1 month

It's called sausage gravy.

golfguy671 · 1 month

But what if...http://qkme.me/3qzvuy

badmonkey0001 · 1 month

She creeps me out. Especially after this meme made the rounds years ago.

inspectordeazoteas · 1 month

Or does she?

andrewsmith1986 · 1 month

She looks like a video game version of natalie portman.

ronintetsuro · 1 month

No. I'm pretty sure she gets it. Repeatedly.

mgrovesensation · 1 month

She knows exactly what she's doing.

voyager_101 · 1 month

How dare you! She's a nice lady!

Poultry_shout · 1 month

Maybe it's us missing the point.

jeremiahfira · 1 month

Hottest TV cook star by far? Oh yeah

borkedddd · 1 month

Didn't miss it the last time it was posted

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