this post was submitted on
1,173 points (55% like it)
5,941 up votes 4,768 down votes

funny

subscribe2,491,415 readers

8,441 users here now

NEW! No gore or porn (including sexually graphic images). Other NSFW content must be tagged as such

Welcome to r/Funny:

You may only post if you are funny.

Please No:

  • posts with their sole purpose being to communicate with another redditor. Click for an Example.

  • Screenshots of reddit comment threads. Post a link with context to /r/bestof or /r/defaultgems if from a default subreddit instead.

  • Posts for the specific point of it being your reddit birthday.

  • Politics - This includes the 2012 Presidential candidates or bills in congress.

  • Rage comics - Go to /fffffffuuuuuuuuuuuu instead.

  • Memes - Go to /r/AdviceAnimals or /r/Memes instead.

  • Demotivational posters - Go to /r/Demotivational instead.

  • Pictures of just text - Make a self post instead.

  • DAE posts - Go to /r/doesanybodyelse

  • eCards - the poll result was 55.02% in favor of removal. Please submit eCards to /r/ecards

  • URL shorteners - No link shorteners (or HugeURL) in either post links or comments. They will be deleted regardless of intent.

Rehosted webcomics will be removed. Please submit a link to the original comic's site and preferably an imgur link in the comments. Do not post a link to the comic image, it must be linked to the page of the comic. (*) (*)

Need more? Check out:

Still need more? See Reddit's best / worst and offensive joke collections (warning: some of those jokes are offensive / nsfw!).


Please DO NOT post personal information. This includes anything hosted on Facebook's servers, as they can be traced to the original account holder.


If your submission appears to be banned, please don't just delete it as that makes the filter hate you! Instead please send us a message with a link to the post. We'll unban it and it should get better. Please allow 10 minutes for the post to appear before messaging moderators


The moderators of /r/funny reserve the right to moderate posts and comments at their discretion, with regard to their perception of the suitability of said posts and comments for this subreddit. Thank you for your understanding.


CSS - BritishEnglishPolice ©2011

a community for

reddit is a source for what's new and popular online. vote on links that you like or dislike and help decide what's popular, or submit your own! learn more ›

all 130 comments

[–]sheargeordie 232 points233 points ago

and this is a quote from the start of Ted the movie

[–]JoeyBragg 87 points88 points ago

Not a quote just a shit version.

[–]Shazambom 9 points10 points ago

[–]DocShadeball420 52 points53 points ago

Seriously! What a weak fucking effort! OP sucks men's buttholes.

[–]jumpinthedog 12 points13 points ago

[–]doneitnow 0 points1 point ago

I know where this is from!!

[–]masterchiefr75 5 points6 points ago

OH MY GOD. That's amazing! Holy Shit! It's not just amazing, It's life changing! From now on, I will browse Reddit even more!

[–]superbean69 1 point2 points ago

not only that... but its a repost from 9gag! the shame!

[–]WOWNICEONE 8 points9 points ago

...how did you know it was a repost from 9gag?? Interrogation light dawns on superbean69

[–]That_Deaf_Guy 1 point2 points ago

This isn't even OP's work, saw it on Facebook earlier.

[–]thehollowman84 0 points1 point ago

well i saw this on facebook the other day, someone posted it from 9gag.

[–]jdelucajr89 10 points11 points ago

Except in Ted it was a young boy's wish, instead of love.

[–]Hauberk 6 points7 points ago

[–]f_regrain 0 points1 point ago

I also saw it on Facebook...yesterday.

[–]poonstangable 2 points3 points ago

Fucking love that movie. I saw it at the midnight release at a cheap shit theater and the a/c went out half way through. By the end of the movie, I might as well have dunked all my clothes in the toilet.

[–]Mustin_Dobley 0 points1 point ago

Absolute death machine...

[–]swimmingmunky 35 points36 points ago

Stole this shit straight from Ted and then made it worse

[–]luft-waffle 2 points3 points ago

At 5:25 the horse takes a shit.

[–]MarioKartPrime -2 points-1 points ago

Bookmark post please ignore

[–]SemiNation -3 points-2 points ago

Wow... 2:45... The guy was clearly injured and out of commission...

What a fucked up war.

[–]FOR_SClENCE 3 points4 points ago

It was a mercy kill. No one would have had the courage to go out there and save him, so the gunner asked for clearance to finish him off. Note that he asked to do the mercy killing.

[–]Tipsymidget 0 points1 point ago

It's a war not a motherfucking tea party. He was going to die anyway, and if you don't kill them that's one more person that can kill you.

[–]KillerSpade 30 points31 points ago

False.... The apache helicopter (AH-64) does not have machine guns. It has one 30mm chain gun and it can't fly a UAV, although there is the "VUIT" mod that allows it to view and re-transmit the camera from a UAV.

[–]Jsinmyah 9 points10 points ago

Since were being technical notice nothing is loaded.

It has the potential to carry 38 2.75" rockets and 8 hellfire. Now im not sure about 30mm because i worked with 20mm, but would you say the max load is 600 rounds?

[–]KillerSpade 7 points8 points ago

Each rocket pod can carry 19 hydra rockets. It has the It has potential to carry 76 rockets but the usual configuration is two rocket pods and two hellfire racks. 30mm capacity is around 1,200 round but it can carry a few more with the instal of a "Robbie tank" wich allows it carry more fuel and rounds.

[–]Jsinmyah 2 points3 points ago

I know the stations can change, i dug through your dumpsters for the same rocket pods for my job (marines) just wasn't sure on how many ammo cans you guys can carry in your birds

[–]Calebsdad254 0 points1 point ago

The 20mm was on the cobra, both the A and D model apaches were equipped with the M230 30mm chain gun. The cyclic rate of fire was 625+/- 25 rounds per minute with a round capacity of 1200 rounds with the flat pack magazine and 300 rounds using the Robertson magazine/aux fuel tank. The 2.75" rockets can be set to fire in zones or ripple and the D model is capable utilizing both radar and SAL type hellfire missiles. The model pictured above is the British Augusta-Westland AH Mk1 apache longbow. The give away for that is the odd missile counter measure sensors mounted on the R295 and L295 panels. American models of the apache typically have APR-39 radar warning receiver antennas mounted there. Though recently we have seen CMWS Optical sensors installed on those stations on deployed aircraft.

[–]FOR_SClENCE 0 points1 point ago

Bacronyms are the best.

[–]neversleep 1 point2 points ago

Thanks Dwight.

[–]woodc85 0 points1 point ago

Well, it does look like one of the soldiers sitting on the side might be holding a machine gun.

[–]MrsRatt 18 points19 points ago

Try an A10.

[–]raven12456 9 points10 points ago

[–]_IA_Renzor 0 points1 point ago

Do I love the thunderbolt!

[–]PirateVikingNinja 6 points7 points ago

[–]Mustin_Dobley 1 point2 points ago

This made my day. Thank you.

[–]PirateVikingNinja 1 point2 points ago

Glad I could put my Training to use...

[–]tallhairyman 7 points8 points ago

cough TED cough

[–]guitarman565 8 points9 points ago

That Apache picture is from Ed Macy's novel "Apache". Great book, it's sitting about 3 feet from me :)

[–]barristonsmellme 2 points3 points ago

the part about the eye control was fantastic.

[–]mr_daryl 2 points3 points ago

The part about everything was fantastic.

[–]barristonsmellme 2 points3 points ago

I particularly liked the part in the book where there was words. If you like books like that, check out Sniper One by Dan Mills. Helluva read.

[–]mr_daryl 0 points1 point ago

Haha yeah, you could say that xD I loved all the bits with Rocco in it... never knowing when he'd turn up next, you could only imagine what it was like for them!

Man, Sniper One is one of my favourite books too. Some awesome parts in that book - could so easily be an awesome movie! It's great that there are so many well-written books coming out now focusing on the British perspective in Afghan & Iraq. Have you read either of Doug Beattie's books?

*edit: The bits where there were pictures instead of words was also really good :3

[–]barristonsmellme 1 point2 points ago

I started reading sniper one when i had an intense interest in becoming a sniper. I'd spent ages reading up on how they judge distances and that but i'd not yet read a book where there was a map in it. It really puts in to perspective just how good they were as snipers, and just how close the action got.

I've not read any of his books but if they're brought up along side Apache and Sniper One then they can't be bad. I'll have to check them out.

[–]mr_daryl 0 points1 point ago

I've only read his 'Task Force Helmand,' but I'd definitely recommend it. It's not particularly Hollywood - no Jugroom Fort type stuff in it - but it's a great book nontheless.

I think Dan Mills does everything he can to not glamourize sniping in his book, but maan, I'd be lying if I said I didn't think about wanting to be one after reading it! Loved reading that book. Might have to re-read it soon...

[–]barristonsmellme 1 point2 points ago

Most of my family have served in the Army or Navy and a few in the RAF, and they get really excited over new developments in gear even still, so it gave me some idea to how much they must have been buzzing when they got hold of that .50 cal.

I may pick that book up on friday, it's about time i bought something that was't edible.

[–]guitarman565 0 points1 point ago

I know eh? Reading 2 books at the same time?! That is just amazing.

[–]barristonsmellme 0 points1 point ago

I wish i could erase the A Song of Ice and Fire series from my mind ,and read the books next to eachother. The ammount of pre-emptive shock would be fantastic.

[–]guitarman565 0 points1 point ago

I totally agree. Are you into war novels? Like from Afghanistan?

[–]ibitestringcheese 5 points6 points ago

Note; Yes, you can ride on the outside of the helicopter. It has handles to assist with that shenanigans.

--another video of the rescure

[–]devilwarier9 3 points4 points ago

Punchline in title?

That's a down vote.

[–]Deutscher_Aggie 2 points3 points ago

That's a paddling.

[–]devilwarier9 1 point2 points ago

[–]airdude21 0 points1 point ago

i read that in patrick stewerts voice.

[–]bizzyj93 2 points3 points ago

[–]joeshmoe16 1 point2 points ago

this is one of my favorite beginnings to a movie.

[–]w_a_w -1 points0 points ago

Love & Rockets.

[–]SuperOli76 0 points1 point ago

Except for a nice MLT: a mutton, lettuce and tomato sandwich, where the mutton is nice and lean and the tomato is ripe. They're so perky, I love that.

[–]simjanes2k 1 point2 points ago

The extent to which it is understated how powerful an AH-64 Apache helicopter is cannot be expressed through the internet.

[–]SietchTabr 0 points1 point ago

This goes into antibaw not funny

[–]temperate 0 points1 point ago

Wishes>Love<Apache Helicopter

[–]yanxfan93 0 points1 point ago

so sad when I see this on facebook first...

[–]scorgie 1 point2 points ago

Ripping of the shit okesmfrom TED. Keeping it classy reddit...

[–]scorgie 0 points1 point ago

Ahh foiled again by the iPad. Sarcasm failed :(

[–]ArthropodOfDoom -1 points0 points ago

Just a mention, but there are significantly more powerful helicopters out there, in pretty much every field. I think the Mi-28 Havoc has similar firepower, but it isn't as large. I think the Mi-24 Hind is way cooler though, and the Mi-26 kicks our Chinook's ass.

[–]zertsius 1 point2 points ago

Small note to add though: a CH-47 (Chinook) can also packs 4 crew-served weapon systems in addition to its normal cargo load. I.E. M134 miniguns, MK-19 grenade launchers, M240Gs, you get the idea.

[–]narwhalsareawesome 0 points1 point ago

No where in your post did you mention any helicopters that are significantly more powerful. Closest you came was calling the Havoc similar.

[–]onfire9123 0 points1 point ago

and of course the soldier or 2 it can insert anywhere it wants. Blackhawks and chinooks are better for deployment though. Never assume the apache will only engage directly if you're on the other side

[–]UK-Redditor 0 points1 point ago

Better for deployment? Tell that to 45 Cdo RM.

[–]onfire9123 0 points1 point ago

...I'm talking about the tools used to deploy the marines/soldiers, not the marines/soldiers themselves. The air is the absolute most tactically advantageous avenue of approach. Never assume an attack helicopter wont drop a soldier on you.

The soldier is more dangerous than the ammunition anyway, if you want to get philosophical.

[–]UK-Redditor 0 points1 point ago

Heh yeah, I completely agree with you, and your comment was obviously right - transport heli's like the Blackhawk and Chinook are obviously better suited for the role than the Apache in general. I was just referring to the rescue attempt 45 Cdo made in Helmand where they lashed themselves to the apache and used it for fire support to insert into a Taliban compound.

[–]onfire9123 0 points1 point ago

the commando's rode while hanging, or fastroped once they reached the drop point? either way its badass

[–]majordoom 0 points1 point ago

Don't forget the two guys riding shotgun. Bet they're packing too.

[–]Aldir 0 points1 point ago

Wtf is she even doing? Is she attempting an A or a D chord? Plus her fingers are smack dab in the middle of the fret, that shit is gonna ring till tomorrow. Also, Takamine? Tackymine more like.

0/10 would not bang.

[–]throws_goats 0 points1 point ago

in my experience, Takamine has some really good guitars. i have a Takamine nylon string and love it.

[–]easypieguy 0 points1 point ago

Takamine are badass guitars. But yeah the chord is fucked, looks like she is going for a c chord because the tonic is on the c.

[–]jhustla 0 points1 point ago

Loose butthole, dude...

[–]skittles762 1 point2 points ago

Don't forget about the Longbow radar system on the AH-64D

[–]Nymaz 1 point2 points ago

Just wanted to say the most awe-inspiring moment of my life was when I was hiking on National Guard land as a teenager. As I'm going along, I hear the sound of helicopters. I scan the sky... nothing. Meanwhile it's getting louder and LOUDER AND LOUDER. Still see nothing. All of a sudden from the "ground" in front of me (I was just in front of a mini canyon) pop up three Apaches that proceed to pass right over my head. They apparently were doing a ground following exercise and I was just on the right path. It was incredible the way the sound and power just beat into my bones. Had I been an enemy soldier I would have found the nearest encampment and pleaded to be POWized.

[–]pipi55 1 point2 points ago

Thank you Ted for making me feel about love from another perspective ;)

[–]Fuglypump 0 points1 point ago

I just noticed the men sitting on the sides of the Apache, bad ass.

[–]Tipsymidget 0 points1 point ago

A true death machine.

[–]MrEarlSnufflington 0 points1 point ago

It is an impressive compliment of weaponry.

[–]fatefulfrog -1 points0 points ago

u stole that from the movie Ted.

[–]12inchrims 8 points9 points ago

U ar 14

[–]mh048t 1 point2 points ago

Yes he did.

[–]LoveFromBehind 1 point2 points ago

So tell me, how is that Apache gonna destroy love.

[–]ChalakoMassi 8 points9 points ago

Didn't you read.....it has machine guns AND missiles!!

[–]TuskedOdin -1 points0 points ago

sooo shoot it then blow it up then shoot it some more? BTW the Apache can also be fitted with a control panel that gives them the ability to fly a UAV attack and recon helicopter... so yeah...there's that..

[–]LoveFromBehind -1 points0 points ago

I can't hear you over all my Love. http://i.imgur.com/vI0vH.gif

PS: you really made me laugh

[–]Dtkay 1 point2 points ago

30mm to the back.

[–]retrobuddha -1 points0 points ago

love is stronger

[–]Fiverings 0 points1 point ago

AND a Prince Harry

[–]NoDiggityNoDoubt -2 points-1 points ago

There's something about sitting between a woman's legs like this guy is doing...

[–]mrspiffy12[!] -1 points0 points ago

Is that Apache inserting troops? The fuck?

[–]Gildish_Chambino 0 points1 point ago

No. The only time troops ride on the fuel tanks like that is for emergency extractions and practice.

[–]KillerSpade 1 point2 points ago

The fuel tanks on the Apache are internal. They sit underneath the pilots seat and forward of the transmission bay.

[–]KillerSpade 1 point2 points ago

They are sitting on the E.F.A.B. (extended forward avionics bay)

[–]Sectioned 0 points1 point ago

They have done that, during a botched withdrawal a Royal Marine was left behind, several of his team-mates rode Apaches into the contact area to retrieve the body. Apparently there are clips for these types of situation on the "wings".

[–]mrspiffy12[!] 0 points1 point ago

Fascinating, honestly never heard of it. (I was actually curious in my original comment, I've never seen it before)

[–]Sectioned 0 points1 point ago

And here you go my friend, read and be amazed at the balls of some people.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/6269613.stm

[–]peaHead 0 points1 point ago

...An apache helicopter is a killing machine

[–]accio_chocobo 0 points1 point ago

Apparently nobody got it. But I got it, peaHead, I got it.

[–]FeistyCrawfish 0 points1 point ago