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top 200 commentsshow all 336

[–]Kokzyl 196 points197 points ago

There is a german saying : "Ein guter Seemann sticht auch ins Rote Meer" ("A good Sailor sails through the red sea as well") ~kinda hard to translate, though~

[–]hongryghost 102 points103 points ago

I've heard, "You can sail on the red river, but you can't drink from it." Pretty accurate I think.

[–]Insuevi 43 points44 points ago

It takes a brave man to sail the red seas, It takes a Hero to drink from them.

[–]bobolux 21 points22 points ago

You do want to inherit the iron strengths of her ancestors, don't you?

[–]ANAL_QUEEN 38 points39 points ago

Pay the iron price.

[–]challahcaust 3 points4 points ago

Well done.

[–]ElKaBongX 0 points1 point ago

Does taste kinda metallic...

[–]k3ithk 6 points7 points ago

"It takes a man to swim the red river; it takes a hero to drink from it."

[–]necrons_ftw 9 points10 points ago

Challenge accepted

[–]Piratiko 8 points9 points ago

Nice try, Twilight fan.

[–]soldierfemale 3 points4 points ago

If you want to go down there but are squeamish about the blood, have her put in a fresh tampon right before. You can lick and suck on and around the clit without having to worry about blood at all.

[–]nermid 0 points1 point ago

Been there, done that, had to wipe my mouth.

[–]leadbunnies 40 points41 points ago

You're not a man until you get blood on your sword!

[–]allthatsalsa 30 points31 points ago

This is why I think OP isn't even married. Every man knows that if you want it that bad, a little blood will not stop you.

[–]nameless88 20 points21 points ago

It's nature's lube, folks! And every girl I've been with tends to be hornier on their period.

So throw down a towel, and take a shower afterwards, you baby.

[–]Squa7ch 6 points7 points ago

Completely true.

[–]kaytINSANE 4 points5 points ago

as a woman, i can confirm that you definitely tend to be much hornier than normal while on the rag.. but i really couldnt tell you why

[–]headpool182 0 points1 point ago

even better: Do it IN the shower!

[–]dg08 8 points9 points ago

To get to the promise land, you have to part the red sea.

[–]B1gTo3 24 points25 points ago

Or the Irish sayin : "If the river runs red you can always take the dirt track!"

[–]prsarah87 19 points20 points ago

Another Irish saying : "Go down to the 'ole pub instead."

[–]RonaldObvious 2 points3 points ago

[–]stephen_j 2 points3 points ago

Something about roller coasters being closed and log flumes being open.

[–]Thomas_Granger 0 points1 point ago

Me and my yank friends call it "getting your blood wings". Guten tag, herr.

[–]ocarinaofrhyme 0 points1 point ago

"If you can run through mud, you can fuck through blood."

[–]SomeSortaSlow 105 points106 points ago

I don't know what the big deal is. Just go for it.

[–]niperwiper 34 points35 points ago

It feels about the same, maybe a bit slicker, and it's much more primal. It requires a bit of cleanup and perhaps a towel, but I'm a fan. Try it OP. Don't be a baby.

[–]BurningBright 13 points14 points ago

Shower sex is the best for easy clean up.

[–]el__duderino 15 points16 points ago

It also slows the flow of the blood naturally because natures scary!

Nature you scary

[–]allthatsalsa 12 points13 points ago

OP's not really married. This isn't a real problem.

[–]Second_Location 3 points4 points ago

If I have sex during my period, 9/10 times I get a UTI for my troubles. :(

[–]Zaph0d42 6 points7 points ago

That sucks. I've heard that orgasm can be good for menstrual cramps. :(

[–]glitterandgore 6 points7 points ago

Pee after sex. Seriously.

[–]LeaferWasTaken 2 points3 points ago

Cranberry juice after.

[–]cravf 2 points3 points ago

You would think after the 6th or 7th time you'd probably just not do it anymore.

But hey, good for you!

[–]FluentinLies 0 points1 point ago

What rape her?

[–]tehmicroer 29 points30 points ago

In the shower

[–]jillah92 285 points286 points ago

Man up.

[–]GoodGuyAnusDestroyer 82 points83 points ago

Seriously, you just have to be a little extra careful. If she's a gusher then put down some towels and ride her like you usually do. Man up bro.

[–]shoopdedoop 79 points80 points ago

Dude, it's not just about the blood. I'm bloated, angry, feeling fat, retaining water, and hormonally challenged. The last thing I want is to get naked in front of my man in any way.

[–]Shaysdays 38 points39 points ago

Eh, I've found orgasming helps ease cramps. I'll use him for that, even if I'm not really in the mood.

(This does not work for everyone, so don't you all go rushing to the bathroom and hide the Midol, 'kay?)

[–]flipapeno 13 points14 points ago

Orgasm unnecessary. The activity and the penetration are good enough to relieve the cramps for me.

[–]grumpybitch 2 points3 points ago

Sadly, for me, orgasms trigger more cramps... Princess Time sucks for me :(

[–]sweet_sparrow 13 points14 points ago

But not all girls feel like this during shark week. If they do feel awful, it's understandable. But, we can't tell why there's no sex for OP with this post.

[–]GoodGuyAnusDestroyer 91 points92 points ago

What better way to feel sexy than having a dick inside of you? It wants to be in there.

[–]shoopdedoop 20 points21 points ago

Relevant username?

[–]megarello 57 points58 points ago

As a female, I can confirm those are all good reasons for not being into it.

As a girl with a ridiculous sex drive, I can't say I ever care enough to use them.

[–]Sgt_Meowmers 5 points6 points ago

I assumed sex (or at least orgasms) actually relived a good deal of discomfort from periods.

[–]Shaysdays 4 points5 points ago

Depends on the person, and probably on the type of sex.

[–]oniongasm 6 points7 points ago

As a male, those are shitty reasons when the context is put in a few comments down:

And if I die tomorrow, I don't want my boyfriend's last memory of me to be angry, bloated, gassy, bloody sex.

That's like not staying the night because you don't want us to see you with bed head in the morning. Hell, we like you when you're pitiful and sick, what makes you think we'll dislike [modifier] and sex?

Besides, relating period --> sex in our heads is a whole hell of a lot better than either relating it to negative things or resorting to avoidance tactics.

[–]megarello 9 points10 points ago

Which is why that's not the part I replied to: Agreed those are shitty reasons in that context, but when not in that context - i.e "I feel like shit and thus will not likely enjoy this right now" - they're fairly justifiable from a female's perspective. I, as I stated, don't really play into that mindset - both because sex > no sex, and because I agree with your last statement - but since I do get fairly bad periods, I can understand where she and other women are coming from. Women tend to be too self-conscious, especially in bed, and feeling like shit generally doesn't do any good in that regard. Never said we were the most rational of creatures.

[–]shoopdedoop 6 points7 points ago

That is exactly what I'm talking about. I don't feel good, I don't feel particularly sexy, it's not a great combo for a good night of bangin'.

[–]Wilhelm_Amenbreak 7 points8 points ago

Yeah, but my wife gets incredibly horny during this time. I learned to man up a long time ago.

[–]OccamRager 5 points6 points ago

Wow, really? When I'm on all I want is penis, all the time. My ex used to avoid me at all cost because he knew I wanted it desperately for those three days. Suddenly, I don't feel like he was hiding so much.

[–]bbake92 4 points5 points ago

My girlfriend says having sex while on her period helps with the bloating. I'd like to think it does since it allows me sexy time.

[–]Cynikal818 5 points6 points ago

ummmm...it's scientifically proven that sex reduces cramps and helps with the hormones.

try it. I've had a couple girl friends give me an odd look when I tell them I'm down, after a little bit of coaxing and the dead is finished they slap them selves and say they wish they'd have done that earlier.

not everyone is the same though I guess, so maybe it's not for everyone.

[–]Pianochan 7 points8 points ago

The dead will never be finished.

[–]Cynikal818 5 points6 points ago

I don't even wanna fix it now, I'm laughing to hard.

TIL: I bang zombies

[–]sergentzimm 0 points1 point ago

Yep this is why I don't even try her during this time. If she is game I am, but that is rarely the case.

[–]khokis 1 point2 points ago

And for some of us, the first couple days, sex leads to cramps. That's the real killer. Everything else to me is fine. But I don't want the pain.

[–]AlisonCreates 1 point2 points ago

Ask any guy if he can tell you're "bloated". I guarantee they'll say "no". Even if they can, why would they care? They just want to put it in you. Especially if you're dating, they already like you. I just don't get why people think these things matter to a dick-owner.

[–]sanity_slipping 10 points11 points ago

Seriously OP. Man the fuck up. Many women are actually hornier and more sensitive at that time and therefore sex can be even more awesome. Try it! Nobody's asking you to lap it up like a hyena at the tomato juice fountain.

[–]FluentinLies 0 points1 point ago

I think the problem its more likely to be that the woman isn't comfortable with sex during the period.

[–]allthatsalsa 0 points1 point ago

Oh god! The imagery of that last sentence...

[–]thesaxmaniac 6 points7 points ago

This. If OP is seriously married and is still not ok with this, it's gonna be a rocky marriage.

[–]MamaGrr 7 points8 points ago

Not really. Depends on their relationship. Neither me nor my husband like to do it during my period so we don't. It's worked pretty good for the past 16 years..

[–]bflynn22 0 points1 point ago

[–]soitgoes159 0 points1 point ago

Yea exactly. Just do it in the shower to avoid a mess.

[–]cosworth99 0 points1 point ago

She can Woman up. She can take some time out of her busy day and maybe step up to the initiation plate.

Marriage is about meeting each other halfway and thinking less about yourself.

[–]dominick79 92 points93 points ago

Then, you tell her this.

[–]niperwiper 7 points8 points ago

I'M A MAN! I'M 40!

[–]Captain_Scrumblebum 43 points44 points ago

Put a towel down.

[–]WileEWeeble 21 points22 points ago

Put a towel down man....come on.

[–]Ballsey 7 points8 points ago

Cum on.

[–]madumimike 19 points20 points ago

time to earn them red wings son!

[–]panda_handler 38 points39 points ago

"'My girlfriend's on her period. What do I do?' Fuck her in the period hole, you idiot. What's the dilemma? I don't give a shit. If you're having your period, come on over. I'm 41. I'll fuck the shit out of you. I'll drink the blood. Let's party."

-Louie CK

[–]nrokreffefp 16 points17 points ago

What are you 12? Get out the plastic sheets and get busy!

[–]failed_novelty 9 points10 points ago

Real men hang the bloody sheet on the clothesline to dry.

[–]9212 6 points7 points ago

Real men don't do laundry. They buy more clothes from the thrift store. - Ron Swanson

[–]Fuglypump 14 points15 points ago

I treat my woman extra special during her time of the month in bed, I'm not into period blood or anything, I just like to treat her with extra attention to make her actually look forward to having her period. Since I started doing that she's been extra nice to me on her period. She's pretty much been conditioned to the point where her period actually makes her extra friendly. :)

[–]OccamRager 6 points7 points ago

This..such a great thing to do. Marriage material, here!

[–]Shaysdays 3 points4 points ago

Pavlov's heat.

[–]bebederp 2 points3 points ago

Absurdly clever. Tell this to my SO.

[–]NightOwl58 2 points3 points ago

You're a genius.

[–]prsarah87 61 points62 points ago

It's not gonna hurt you to just stick your dick in.

[–]matthewtheninja 15 points16 points ago

Just don't look at your dick afterwards if you are squeamish.

[–]all_in_time 47 points48 points ago

I like to pretend that I just murdered someone with my penis.

[–]Offensive_Statement 10 points11 points ago

After ordinary sex I murder someone with my penis just to get that sort of effect.

[–]damontoo 8 points9 points ago

Wear a scream mask and roleplay a little.

[–]your_penis 5 points6 points ago

Yes... Let the hate flow through you.

[–]badasseowyn 5 points6 points ago

i like to pretend my vagina just gnawed my boyfriends dick bloody.

[–]failed_novelty 3 points4 points ago

Vagina Dentata?

[–]Shaysdays 5 points6 points ago

What a wonderful phraaaaaaase!

[–]ichbinbonbon 25 points26 points ago

Don't be such a baby about it...?

[–]freyjar 35 points36 points ago

fuck her period hole

[–]scarwit 9 points10 points ago

If anything sex feels a million times better when you're on your period, it makes your body super sensitive.

[–]Not_A_Slave 2 points3 points ago

My girlfriend likes it better. It's also free lube. Period sex: 10/10 will do again.

[–]tech-bits 9 points10 points ago

I love period sex. It makes my dick look like a murder weapon.

[–]OccamRager 4 points5 points ago

Im replying because the first time I brought up period sex in my life this was the reaction I got. "Cool, but my dick looks like a murder weapon, now."

[–]thefran 121 points122 points ago

Remember when periods meant blowjob week?

Pepperidge farm remembers.

[–]badasseowyn 11 points12 points ago

its always been shower sex and blowjob week for me. gives you a chance to experiment with other things too like fuckin them tits and maybe anal.

[–]_LOne 2 points3 points ago

Upvote for "fuckin them tits"

[–]ms_marlowe 18 points19 points ago

yes, because, as has already been stated, when "i'm bloated, angry, feeling fat, retaining water, and hormonally challenged" what i really want is a dick in my mouth and a bunch of sticky, slimy salt water running down my throat. :(

[–]HookDragger 14 points15 points ago

Well, at least you swallow.

[–]thefran 8 points9 points ago

sticky, slimy salt water

Hey, I eat pineapples and all.

[–]Penglishman 4 points5 points ago

i don't know if you speak for all of womankind, but you speak sense.

[–]bigskykb 1 point2 points ago

Remember when periods meant blowjob week?

Yes... it was before I put a ring on it.

[–]BrianAnim 3 points4 points ago

Thats how my GF views it.

[–]fukdatsonn 2 points3 points ago

I know. Your GF is great!

[–]SkiddawForgotPW -1 points0 points ago

[–]TeamJim 0 points1 point ago

Every week is blowjob week when your girlfriend is orally fixated.

[–]Abezilla116 20 points21 points ago

No one here can fathom the idea that maybe she doesn't want to.

[–]dos_caniches 2 points3 points ago

I thought the same thing! I hate sex on my period. It gives me horrible cramps.

[–]lordsushi 5 points6 points ago

why are so many people frightened by period sex?

[–]Mjolnirium 15 points16 points ago

Not having sex while she's on her period is like shutting down an amusement park just because the rollercoaster is broken. You just know there's going to be some goof at the gate saying "Hey... Log ride's still open. And I gots me a coopin".

-Ron White (From memory so potentially missing things)

[–]7FoldSamurai 8 points9 points ago

Your wife's a baby?

[–]CookPu 11 points12 points ago

No, OP's the baby. His wife is... the dad?

[–]RedeemingVices 22 points23 points ago

I'm too late to stop all the, "do it anyway, you pussy/faggot/eunuch" posts, but you should all note that this was the wife's response to proposed sexy times. If the OP's wife tried to initiate, and the OP rejected her due to it being shark week, then yeah, go ahead and tell him, "just do it." However, the post implies that he wanted sexy times, and the wife used, "nope, red tide," as an excuse. In other words, she's the problem, not the OP.

[–]foxholepervert[S] 13 points14 points ago

Thank you! This is what was meant.

[–]Triette 4 points5 points ago

Maybe she says that because she's doesn't want you to freak out or she thinks that guys don't want anything to do with it. Have you told her that you dont' care?

[–]foxholepervert[S] 7 points8 points ago

Yeah. She thinks it's gross. I don't care.

[–]clarient 4 points5 points ago

You might also consider that it can sometimes feel different from a woman's POV. The cervical wall actually moves around a little bit and the muscles in there are doing different things than they usually do. I can always tell when my period is about to arrive when it feels odd during sex. It's not outright painful or unpleasant, but it's disconcerting and somewhat weird. Sometimes it's enough to make penetrative sex unappealing.

[–]severedfinger 2 points3 points ago

You are not a man til you've dipped your sword in blood.

[–]TitsofErica 2 points3 points ago

The mere fact that you call it that tells me that your not ready.

[–]stealthcopter 2 points3 points ago

"I don't mind if there is ketchup on my hotdog as long as the bun is tight"

[–]BoogedyBoogedy 2 points3 points ago

Do it anyway. What's the big deal?

[–]ohrabbits 2 points3 points ago

And you guys are married? You're telling me that the entire time you've been together, for as long as you've dated been married you've never just laid down a towel and just said "fuck it, let's do this"? Period sex > Sexless seven days.

[–]cloudedknife 2 points3 points ago

I really don't understand why period is even an issue.

  1. Just means you don't get to eat her out (unless you've got a vamp fetish, or she's got a tampon in and you really need to eat a taco)

  2. If you don't want blood on the sheets or your dick, lay down a towel/wear a condom

  3. If you're feeling a little adventurous (and she's not on the pill) you could go bare back with minimal risk of pregnancy.

[–]wewillbevictorious 3 points4 points ago

The blood is just like extra lube. Man up and stick your dick in. Take a nice shower together after and wash each other down.

[–]LtDanIceCreeeaaam 1 point2 points ago

ITT: Orders to man up, blowjob week jokes, and no one considering the fact that periods often come with severe pain, cramping and bloating - If you tried to penetrate me on Day One of Shark Week, it wouldn't be my blood you'd come away covered in.

[–]WhiteRhino27015 0 points1 point ago

Quit being such a pussy an dive in!

[–]Karishak 2 points3 points ago

Man up and fuck her anyway. Be a grown up.

[–]ogkay 3 points4 points ago

Just fuck her anyway.

[–]leex0 3 points4 points ago

"here's a funny .gif of a baby crying. but i can't just submit it to /r/funny as is! I gotta make up some dumb, irrelevant title first!"

[–]Chobtime 0 points1 point ago

Not Bad

[–]Gigavoyant 2 points3 points ago

[–]54321whysoserious 0 points1 point ago

I so want to see the original video for this. Someone have a link?

[–]matthewtheninja 0 points1 point ago

And...?

[–]BoatLiker1488 1 point2 points ago

shut UP

[–]magus424 0 points1 point ago

Pansy.

[–]youtiltme 1 point2 points ago

If you don't already know by then, consider that a win

[–]diemockingbirddie 0 points1 point ago

I don't see the problem.

[–]evilillusionist 1 point2 points ago

It really isn't that bad. Towels + condom and you're golden.

[–]zeug666 0 points1 point ago

What what... (South Park version)

[–]spopoff54 1 point2 points ago

You gotta run that red light, my man

[–]runmymouth -1 points0 points ago

Ask her if her mouth is bleeding? I personally sail the red river or the brown river alike. Who cares if it has extra lube.

[–]kjekkgutt 1 point2 points ago

DO THE FIRETRUCK!

[–]UnkleChris -1 points0 points ago

Lol like a murder weapon absolutely priceless, but in all seriousness guys. Cmon when a girl is on her period you dont have to use lube, lay down a towel on the bed and go to town on that snatch! Just dont get it in your mouth oh god anywhere but the mouth.

[–]siiim 0 points1 point ago

She can use her hand, i love it.

[–]lynceus 1 point2 points ago

I found myself in this situation today. The gf had been grossed out at the idea but I convinced her I wouldn't give a shit if she was leaking nuclear waste down there. Sex was had.

[–]zofofosho 0 points1 point ago

who is this...borat?

[–]sppratam 0 points1 point ago

Get back in the game - earn those red wings!

[–]LanceDeveroux 1 point2 points ago

Put a towel down wimp.

[–]VestaDear 1 point2 points ago

I warn my boyfriend ahead of time when the time is nigh. Then he tells me to get in the shower. ಠ_ಠ

[–]badasseowyn 0 points1 point ago

for me a period is just the time of the month where i get to have alot of shower sex. you dont bleed in the shower and youre getting clean anyhow so youre really killing two birds with one stone.

[–]CallMeAnEngineer 1 point2 points ago

Suck it up. It's talk like a pirate day, and a true pirate sails the red sea. ARE YOU A TRUE PIRATE OR A SCALLYWAG?

[–]downward_dogma -1 points0 points ago

Angry hand job?

[–]Koshatnik 1 point2 points ago

i thought car salesmen are supposed to do anything to close the deal?

[–]jalisama 1 point2 points ago

Get a towel and don't look down. Enjoy.

[–]apullin 1 point2 points ago

who cares

just go for it

I totally would

[–]Cheeknuts 0 points1 point ago

For a few seconds that is a really good DeNiro impersonation.

[–]Pap3rKitten 1 point2 points ago

An this is how I feel when I want sexy time with my husband and I start my period... He doesn't dear touch the red sea :(

[–]ejallday 0 points1 point ago

Just put a towel down. Or try for some head.

[–]Patrickfoster 0 points1 point ago

I was probably going to lose my virginity three days ago. Till she started her period.

[–]UnknownArchive -1 points0 points ago

She has a secondary hole specifically for this purpose

[–]Mazuna -1 points0 points ago

[–]SilynJaguar 1 point2 points ago

Yarr! A real man loves his wench every day of the year!

[–]arnlund -1 points0 points ago

a knight is not afraid to get a little blood on he's sword!

[–]maddogcow 0 points1 point ago

Fuck THAT. Nary a period has done kep' me from the joys of genital mashing. Get out the sex towel, baby wipes, and lets GET TO IT!!!!!

[–]manders41411 0 points1 point ago

Be a man and earn your red wings!!!

[–]HighKingOfReddit 0 points1 point ago

Period week is anal week in my household. Not that I haven't dipped the ol' sword in blood before, but we've ruined enough $100 sets of sheets and we don't feel like laying a tarp down when we want sexy times.

[–]ladysiena 0 points1 point ago

Quite an unsettling juxtaposition.

[–]Wolf_SF 0 points1 point ago

My girfriend is even more..horny when she has her period.

[–]Bigcubfan 1 point2 points ago

Who else started to mimic his face?

[–]8_4_Schu 0 points1 point ago

You can't tell me you've never had a jelly donut!

[–]nerdy4lyf-hwaiting 0 points1 point ago

Period sex? No problem. Man up, a little blood never hurt any one. If you really feel iffy about it fuck her for a bit then have her suck your dick.

[–]Jerbearsnaredrum 0 points1 point ago

how bout a damn blowjob then?

[–]elohizzle 1 point2 points ago

what sort of pussy are you

[–]oligobop 0 points1 point ago

Vampirism is not hard to achieve.

[–]CosmoShadyman 1 point2 points ago

Just use natures condom.

[–]onyxsamurai 0 points1 point ago

My son makes this face sometimes and it is the saddest face I've ever seen.

[–]adanceparty 1 point2 points ago

Well wife "start sucking"

[–]ARasool 0 points1 point ago

Fuck that! That kid's fucking cute! Why'd you make him cry op? D:

[–]kabukistar 1 point2 points ago

Fuck her. Fuck her.

[–]zigzagg321 0 points1 point ago

This just makes me hate kids even more than I already do... back to r/childfree I go...

[–]The13thStep 0 points1 point ago

Its called sex. Not sexy time. God damnit.

[–]scifiwoman 0 points1 point ago

Mirena coil. A third of women who have this fitted have no periods at all. For the other two thirds, bloodflow is very much reduced.

[–]mal9000 0 points1 point ago

:( sad kids make me sad

[–]Sucellos 1 point2 points ago

The phrase "sorry, I'm on my period" should be officially done away and replaced with "congratulations it's blow job week".

[–]Senormorales 0 points1 point ago

Thats what towels are for

[–]Battou62 0 points1 point ago

: (

[–]ygguana 0 points1 point ago

That's precisely how she feels as well, more so because she is then who has to deal with it