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502
503

Closest to Facebook gold I've found so far. (i.imgur.com)

submitted ago by billlampley

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[–]Joeynoh 221 points222 points ago

*Amberlamps

[–]killjoy48 76 points77 points ago

whoa oohh black betty

[–]SourMilk 50 points51 points ago

Amberlamps

[–]uberced 37 points38 points ago

You know ya house on fii

[–]immatellyouwhat 36 points37 points ago

Amberlamps

[–]uberced 30 points31 points ago

but nobody gon' die

[–]Superliminal42 33 points34 points ago

Amberlamps

[–]cyniclawl 26 points27 points ago

damn thing's on fiiii

[–]spontaneosaur 25 points26 points ago

Amberlamps

[–]luncht1me 21 points22 points ago

The whole street's gon wiiild

[–]myeverymovment 1 point2 points ago

*bambalance

[–]JohnScribbles 18 points19 points ago

WHO ALL SEEN DA LEPAKON SAY YEAAAAA!!!

[–]CoyoteStark 6 points7 points ago

This here's a magic leprechaun flute, passed down by my great-great-grandfather who was Irish.

[–]dolani 0 points1 point ago

IT COULD BE A CRACKHEAD!

[–][deleted] -4 points-3 points ago

LEPACON! You have captured the beauty of Ebonics in one magical word.

[–]BrandonSullivan 6 points7 points ago

http://i.imgur.com/iHV3f.jpg

[–]Famousjameson 0 points1 point ago

Amblance

[–]AlphaWings -1 points0 points ago

DAMMIT!! EVERY TIME I HAVE AN ORIGINAL THOUGHT!!

[–]kittypuncher -1 points0 points ago

Awww, I saw only 12 comments and thought I could get this one in there. Up vote for you and your swift commenting skills sir/madam.

[–]Joeynoh 3 points4 points ago

Thank you fellow redditor!

[–]dsac -1 points0 points ago

*bambulance

[–]emr1028 -3 points-2 points ago

Ambalaynce

[–]Jorster 0 points1 point ago

Ambalance

[–]alexj977 0 points1 point ago

God damn it, the one time I actually think I have this shit locked down... Go on and rain all over my parade don't you!

[–]labradorrescuer -3 points-2 points ago

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-hChIRY54M4

[–][deleted] -3 points-2 points ago

Aym-balannns.

[–]Mike_Trollvowski -5 points-4 points ago

Dammit you beat me

[–]VonMeatstein -5 points-4 points ago

You my friend read my mind. + 1

[–]borgfinkleton 34 points35 points ago

/r/Iam14andthisisfunny

[–]McC00LL92 77 points78 points ago

i did not find this funny

[–]MindlessDreamer 9 points10 points ago

What about the title? The 'gold' got me

[–]drummer1059 50 points51 points ago

This isn't funny. Stop saying 'gold'. 

   Sincerely, 
          the general population.

[–]Coldara 14 points15 points ago

gold level: gem

[–]MrMagPi 20 points21 points ago

I'm getting really tired of seeing the titles "Facebook Gold" and "Facebook Gems"

I don't mind the content but damn... please come up with a better title or maybe there should be an /r/facebookscreencaps

*edit Yes, I just created this subreddit. No, I don't care if it any links are submitted. Yes, I would like it if it became successful. No, I do not have any idea what I am doing.

[–]misspixel 4 points5 points ago

You don't mind about the content? What about when it's both racially insensitive and gender biased?

[–]MrMagPi -1 points0 points ago

Please refer to my last sentence. I have no idea what I'm doing. On the other hand, this is a website where people vote on the content. So if a majority of the people don't like it, hopefully it will be justly downvoted.

Time to go hijack some rules from other subreddits.

[–]misspixel 4 points5 points ago

You realise though that both truth and justice are not determined by democracy. The whole country might want to burn witches, that doesn't make it right.

[–]MrMagPi 0 points1 point ago

You do realize we're talking about a subreddit right? A subreddit that specializes in Facebook screen captures. Granted, the content in those screen captures can vary, but burning witches and what people deem popular on a subreddit are not the same thing.

[–]misspixel 0 points1 point ago

I think you may not be seeing the full picture of butthurt...

[–]MrMagPi 1 point2 points ago

I see what you're saying now, I read your comment in reference to my lack of guidelines on /r/facebookscreencaps

When I commented "I don't mind the content" on the "on fiiii" post, I was encompassing a majority of FBGold and FBGem posts. This particular post wasn't very funny, and I think would do better in a different sub.

Thanks for your insight!

[–]misspixel -2 points-1 points ago

Yeah, I realised there was a miscommunication somewhere. ;)

[–]necesitocerveza 45 points46 points ago

/r/racism

[–]exentropic 13 points14 points ago

You ass. I work in 911 and those sassy, maternally comforting, older Black women are some of the best dispatchers you'll find anywhere. They show you that they care. And they do.

[–]billlampley[S] 1 point2 points ago

It never said they where a bad thing. I love sassyness, and maternal comfort and such.

[–]hironugget 1 point2 points ago

I work 911 too and its still funny to me

[–]FrankTheTank369 -2 points-1 points ago

Bullshit.

[–]ersatz_cats 18 points19 points ago

Not sure if racist or just unfunny.

[–]BritishHobo 22 points23 points ago

Both.

[–]Dillbill 5 points6 points ago

I see black, white, blue, and red but no gold... Not even yellow, you call this close?

[–]Thecardinal74 3 points4 points ago

Facebook bronze, at best

[–]Babysaywhat 9 points10 points ago

Hey there sir! You seem to be stuck in the 1950s! Let me give you directions to 2012 where you seem to be lost and most of us try not to be racist dumbfucks.

[–]jew_jitsu 6 points7 points ago

That isn't even facebook bronze...

[–]SeanBobo 2 points3 points ago

1 bar on AT&T.

Of course!

[–]billlampley[S] -3 points-2 points ago

In my defense I live in the middle of nowhere, 5 minutes from a town of about 300 people, and 30 minutes from anywhere with proper civilization.

[–]MisterWonka 19 points20 points ago

That would explain why you found this FB post funny.

[–]BLUNTYEYEDFOOL 1 point2 points ago

burn

[–]hicketre2006 -1 points0 points ago

South Dakota?

[–]billlampley[S] 0 points1 point ago

Tennessee.

[–]jew_jitsu -2 points-1 points ago

That is less in your own defence as in defence of AT&T...

[–]jumalaw 4 points5 points ago

911 dispatcher here. I work with a black lady who has mild to moderate sass. Unfortunately, nearly everything we say is scripted so we don't get to inject personality into our calls much.

Sassy black ladies calling us are nowhere near as much fun, because then we get attitude and can't sass back.

[–]Arleneemd -1 points0 points ago

Pro Q & A?

[–]jumalaw -1 points0 points ago

Yep, all three disciplines.

[–]fancynickolas 6 points7 points ago

Why would you first want that and second... Fuckin racist

[–]Jon76 2 points3 points ago

"And a ambalance" FTFY

[–]Inityx 1 point2 points ago

"And a ambalints" FTFY

[–]Mrs_Mojo_Rising 2 points3 points ago

i called DirecTV to cancel my account today. The operator was the sassy black girl you so desired. She said: "Oh, sugar, why you gonna go something that craaazy? For real?"

[–]wtuckerCSAB 2 points3 points ago

I always feel so uncomfortable when strangers call me things like sugar, hon, or sweetie. I don't know why though.

One of these days I'll get the nerve to just say, "Damn straight, baby!"

[–]Mustangarrett 1 point2 points ago

Never ever come to the Midwest US then! (if you are already here, I'm sorry your habitat is not compatible with your desires)

[–]wtuckerCSAB -1 points0 points ago

Right smack dab in the middle of Kentucky. :) haha

[–]tnicholson[!] -2 points-1 points ago

... But Directv is awesome ...

[–]nocley -5 points-4 points ago

Same happened to me when I was "cancelling" my internet to get a better deal. It was the most amsuing call to a utility company I've ever had.

[–]gregclouds 3 points4 points ago

Hahahaha! Black people amirite?

[–]Philip_Stained_Glass 0 points1 point ago

Crucially, the OP misuses the "be" of African-American English (AAE). When someone "be" doing something, it means that s/he does it habitually, for example, "why you be late?" translates to "why are you habitually late?" Whereas the OP's "I be sendin' you some [firetrucks]" erroneously implies a habitual sending of firetrucks when it seems to actually mean a one-time event.

[–]HeckNoAtAll 5 points6 points ago

This is, of course, the biggest problem with this post.

[–]Ihateloops 2 points3 points ago

There is no such thing as a Facebook gold account. Don't be fooled by the hoax.

[–]PersonX2 2 points3 points ago

Oh, you must not be part of the beta. Facebook gold is awesome!

[–]erogbass -1 points0 points ago

not quite close enough

[–]ebeebe92 -1 points0 points ago

"I said oh lord jesus there's a fiiire."

[–]Rigante_Black 1 point2 points ago

Welcome to Texas.

[–]connery78 -1 points0 points ago

*Ambulanced

[–]Rigante_Black 0 points1 point ago

Amber lamps*

[–]lesbiEnt 1 point2 points ago

just some casual racism

[–]heardlb 0 points1 point ago

I would be in trouble because I usually can't understand black people

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]heardlb -2 points-1 points ago

If a black person can't understand me talk, it does not make them racist. It simply means they can't understand me. If I cant understand black people, that doesn't make me racist. I didn't say I hate anyone because of their skin color, I said I have difficulty understanding them. It works both ways. People are to quick in throwing out the racism card.

Edit: also after looking at your comment history, it seems like everything you say involves races.

[–]ohhreallo 0 points1 point ago

Here's the thing: if you cannot understand a white person, you consider it a function of their demography (where they live, how they were raised). However, the comment "I usually can't understand black people," implies that you believe black people speak the same way, which, in addition to being incorrect, also means you're making a blanket assumption about a black person that you would not about a white person. You do not say add nuance to your statement, as you would for a white person; "white people from ____ are hard for me to understand." You simply assume all black people speak the same (they don't!) and assume you cannot understand them.

Oh, and also: "I didn't say I hate anyone because of their skin color, I said I have difficulty understanding them." Racism doesn't always take the form of immediately obvious hatred. But you said it yourself: you literally think you can't understand someone BECAUSE OF THEIR SKIN COLOR. That's a pretty racist thing to think.

[–]heardlb -2 points-1 points ago

I'm just telling it like it is

[–]racism_sniffing_dog 2 points3 points ago

arrrrrrrooooooooooo

[–]heardlb -2 points-1 points ago

Woof

[–]racism_sniffing_dog 4 points5 points ago

woof

[–]3030threat -1 points0 points ago

You can always head over to /r/GhettoJerk if you need practice.

[–]lohengrin333 -4 points-3 points ago

/r/explainlikeimjive is not the place for you then

[–]atypicaldude 0 points1 point ago

http://i.imgur.com/xV3sl.gif

[–]A_black_girl -1 points0 points ago

I wish I was sassy.

[–]ubermenchy -1 points0 points ago

Well, you did say "closest"...

[–]TX_ambrosia -1 points0 points ago

They spelled ambalance wrong

[–]CashMoneyChina -1 points0 points ago

VERY MODERATELY AMUSING

[–][deleted] -2 points-1 points ago

BRING DA AMBALAMPS !

[–]dicten -1 points0 points ago

You misspelt Ampalamps.

[–]a_crow_from_mars -2 points-1 points ago

I think I'd just start panicking even more.

[–]el_bhm -2 points-1 points ago

Ain't Nobody Got Time for That

[–]racism_sniffing_dog 0 points1 point ago

ruff

[–]edwin_on_reddit 0 points1 point ago

"Rough" is how it's spelt. You shouldn't make fun of AAV spelling.

[–]racism_sniffing_dog 0 points1 point ago

woof

[–]edwin_on_reddit 0 points1 point ago

"Wolf"? Could you please knock off with the racist jokes. It's not funny.

[–]racism_sniffing_dog 0 points1 point ago

woof

[–]edwin_on_reddit 0 points1 point ago

You must be smelling your own anus. Haven't I told you before not to lick your asshole in the kitchen! Out!

[–]racism_sniffing_dog -1 points0 points ago

woof

[–]Shwingdom -4 points-3 points ago

Bring *Ambalamps

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]internetUser0001 -4 points-3 points ago

Hahaha, black people. Gold!

[–]cascadianfarmer -4 points-3 points ago

Get it?

[–]sunnydaize -2 points-1 points ago

Clearly you do not live in New York City.

[–]shittysubfilter -4 points-3 points ago

And A ambulance.

[–]israfel070 -4 points-3 points ago

You were one amber lamps from the front page.

[–]conorsleith -5 points-4 points ago

Aambyulaaance

[–]shifty_coder -3 points-2 points ago

That's amberlamps, not ambulance.

[–]IAmA_Dispatcher -2 points-1 points ago

Ahh, yes yes.. Even though I'm not a sassy black lady I do like answering some of my phone lines in accents. My favorite is "Southern Hillbilly".

But. On the topic of ambulance, I have heard many variations but Ammalance is my favorite. Oh yeah and the old people that call it an inhalator.

[–]wookiesandwich -4 points-3 points ago

Amber Lamps

[–]NaterTater27 -3 points-2 points ago

Read it in Wanda Sykes voice, it's much more enjoyable that way.

[–]staticus -3 points-2 points ago

came here to post amberlamps, you may have an upvote Joeynoh

[–]daveyjonesmcgee -3 points-2 points ago

And Jesus! send Jesus, Don't forget dem muthafuckas need Jesus!

[–]kithkatul -1 points0 points ago

Hey, if my house is burning you won't see me complaining.

[–]ghostbyte -4 points-3 points ago

Sassy black lady ain't got time for that http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bFEoMO0pc7k

[–]nerfherder17 -4 points-3 points ago

OH LORD JESUS IT'S A FIIIII http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=udS-OcNtSWo&feature=player_detailpage#t=11s

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