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1995
1996

Assassination done right. (imgur.com)

submitted ago by minutman

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[–]LeviW 117 points118 points ago

I prefer Fredo and Pidjin's version

[–]Montisa2008[!] 15 points16 points ago

That red dot is moving on the last panel

[–]eugenerhan 15 points16 points ago

We rarely use gifs in our comics. But we did use one in this episode

[–]Montisa2008[!] 2 points3 points ago

Nuce! I love these comics, keep it up!

[–]Bengt77 0 points1 point ago

That's really clever. I love it!

[–]minutman[S] -1 points0 points ago

Well....

[–]eagleis25 6 points7 points ago

I concur

[–]Judging_Ewe 9 points10 points ago

I think you mean 'concur'

[–]eagleis25 9 points10 points ago

God I thought that was gonna be a screamer...

[–]faultydesign 8 points9 points ago

But... gifs can't scream

[–]eagleis25 7 points8 points ago

Yes, but bloody zombie faces can still appear out of nowhere...

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]Fruit_is_murder 0 points1 point ago

Now thats in my history. FU!

[–]Ieuan1996 -1 points0 points ago

Wow... that was unrelated.

[–]myballsgotmilk 0 points1 point ago

Yup, just opened this up at work... NSFW FYI.

[–]danrennt98 -1 points0 points ago

risky link

[–]eugenerhan 2 points3 points ago

Thanks for the link!

Eugen/pidjin.net

[–]pazrul 1 point2 points ago

While good, I prefer the blood soaked version from AnotherWebComic.

[–]evenheaded 0 points1 point ago

The sniper laser in the last frame moves. Clever.

[–]benJAMIN536 63 points64 points ago

Sniper! Get Down!

[–]d-_-b__________d-_-b 62 points63 points ago

My brother and I have this grand master plan that involves a very similar situation. It's nice to see someone else cashing in on the untapped resource of feline military power.

My brother's house sits up on a hill in a dense urban neighborhood and there are dozens of neighborhood cats that are always hanging around. Our plan goes like this:

  1. First, we hide cat food all over in little pockets in the neighborhood that are in our line of site. In a plastic bag along the gutter, behind the wheel of a parked car, inside an open mailbox, etc.

  2. Then we're going to sit in the top of his roof where we are able to survey all of our domain. By using a high powered laser to attract the attention of the 15 or so cats, we can guide them to their locations of freshly grilled catnip marinated steak and tuna. They'll learn quickly... follow the little dot to find your reward. They will be our own little neighborhood army. We'll only provide enough delicious feline bounty for two cats (or one big fat cat). The competition for the meat will only make the cats more ruthless, more bloodthirsty, more desperate.

Then, when the local crackhead starts rummaging through the trash cans at 11pm on a school night, we can chase him away with a legion of blood thirsty felines all from within the comfort of our own home. With laser controlled cat warriors, what can't we do?

For extra bonus, hook the laser pointer up to a computer controlled servo with object recognition. When you park your car on the street, you have 10 seconds to get out before the laser fixates on your front hood. Got a Mitt Romney t-shirt on? Hope you can sprint. Take up two parking spots? You're about to meet the local welcoming squad.

Soon the neighborhood will be ours! Mwa ha ha ha.

[–]devotothemax 5 points6 points ago

On a good day that would get you 500+ up votes

[–]x3tripleace3x -1 points0 points ago

Meanwhile my recent one liner receives 400.

[–]AryaArgetlam 0 points1 point ago

I only ask to join in this plot to take over the world with the laser pointer powered cat army. I will contribute cats!

[–]jloutey 1 point2 points ago

I'm afraid I've been developing the perfect technology to thwart your cat army. Laser mice. Not like life for a computer, no. That would be dumb. A laser mounted on the back of a small rodent! It will be pointing the laser towards the rear of the mouse.

These laser mice will be able to easily evade any house cat by casting a false target for the cat to follow. And these projections will move organically, due to the natural movements of the mouse. Sure, an number of laser mice will be defeated by the cats, but this is a numbers game. For every mouse there will be two targets, and the mice breed far faster than your mostly neutered army of house cata. Unleashing a even a small squad of laser mice in the vicinity of you cat army would certainly unleash a hellstorm on you unsuspecting neighborhood.

Scorched earth monther fucker!

[–]DrKilory 10 points11 points ago

NO STOP, I'M ALLERGIC TO ADORABLENESS!

[–]StezzerLolz 0 points1 point ago

For those of you who do not get this reference

[–]OrionUK 12 points13 points ago

But cats have a non fatal terminal velocity.

A human is at terminal velocity at 165ish mph = dead (some humans have survived)

A piano around 200 mph = broken

A cat around 60 mph = survivable

As long as a cat can reach terminal velocity ( higher than the forth floor) it should survive

Apparently 9 out of 10 cats survive a fall in new york city.

Info from James May's what you need to know about seo2e04 - speed

[–]SirDigbyChknCaesar 9 points10 points ago

The most important reason why cats can survive a high fall rather than a shorter one is that they have time to orient themselves properly to absorb the impact.

[–]Shiro2809 4 points5 points ago

They spread their bodies out, kind of like flying squirrels, I've heard.

[–]SirDigbyChknCaesar 2 points3 points ago

They also use their legs and spine like shock absorbers. They extend their legs in anticipation of the landing and once they hit, their legs have a significant vertical component of travel that allows them to absorb a lot of force, relative to the cat's size.

[–]steviesteveo12 2 points3 points ago

It's hard to express just what "properly absorb the impact" consists of for a cat. Their bodies are perfectly built to absorb force, as long as they can get their feet under them to do it properly.

[–]SirDigbyChknCaesar 1 point2 points ago

That was pretty cool.

[–]Brettersson 0 points1 point ago

I'm pretty sure we established it's around the 7th floor where injuries peak, and above that they begin to drop off because it takes them a little bit of time to twist into the right position.

[–]SolidBlues 0 points1 point ago

Could you elaborate on this? I don't really understand. If a human falls at >=165 mph he will die, but if a cat falls at >=60 mph it will survive?

[–]cowpunter 2 points3 points ago

Humans don't fall any faster than 165mph, but that's far too fast to be survivable.

Cats don't fall any faster than 60mph and they can further reduce that speed if they fall far enough. Their bodies are also capable of withstanding impacts at this velocity as long as they land feet first. Thus beyond a certain height they can survive any fall as long as they don't loose consciousness or fall on something sharp.

[–]SolidBlues 0 points1 point ago

ahhh, okay. Thank you very much.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points ago

I think they are assasinating the human. If the cats survive this is that much more awesome

[–]Savolainen5 8 points9 points ago

Original comic from the awesome webcomic Optipess.

[–]Balrog_Forcekin 1 point2 points ago

Yes, please give credit where credit is due.

[–]Bengt77 0 points1 point ago

Thank you; I was about to post a link to the actual comic, too.

[–]OrionUK 5 points6 points ago

Can the cats have parachutes please

[–]cowpunter 0 points1 point ago

Cats don't need them, they have a low terminal velocity. The parachute might actually do more harm than good by preventing them from landing properly.

[–]myballsgotmilk 15 points16 points ago

Assassination - Reddit Style.

[–]makopolo2001 5 points6 points ago

Catsassination.

[–]Heisenberg_V 0 points1 point ago

Felinnassination

[–]TheTalkingCamelAnus 1 point2 points ago

A horrific retelling...

[–]cgoldsmith19 1 point2 points ago

It's purrrrfect

[–]bigheavyshoe -1 points0 points ago

Not all redditors love or even like cats.

[–]iamnotafuzzyrat 1 point2 points ago

We don't... mention... those people here.

[–]danrennt98 0 points1 point ago

uh

[–]Nizzler 6 points7 points ago

But, what about all those innocent cats?!?!

Oh, the felinity!!!

[–]cowpunter 0 points1 point ago

Cats are all about walking away from falls. http://i.imgur.com/qYmQC.gif

[–]pacifist112 11 points12 points ago

but... the cats die too :(

[–]Renmauzuo 16 points17 points ago

Cats are unfazed by long drops. I choose to believe they just land on their feet after the fall.

[–]IAMBullshitAMAA 6 points7 points ago

I can confirm this, its just how physic works

[–]TheTalkingCamelAnus 4 points5 points ago

This is the guy to trust.

[–]GamerKT 1 point2 points ago

You, too, seem like a reputable source.

[–]yarmulke 6 points7 points ago

Not too far off, actually. Cat skin is really flappy and causes a lot of drag, so they are really unfazed by long falls, since they hit their maximum velocity after about 20 meters. They do safely land on their feet and run away.

Example.

[–]EA_Support_Rep 0 points1 point ago

Well, TIL.

[–]cowpunter 0 points1 point ago

LIKE A BOSS

[–]Kellianne 0 points1 point ago

What I learned in vet tech school: Cats have a "righting reflex" which causes them to land on their feet (given enough tie to turn completely) However, this does not prevent broken bones, and other injuries due to a high fall. After all, they may land on their feet but not necessarily gently.

[–]xxJORDISxx 4 points5 points ago

no they just land on their feet and carry on to the next victim

[–]pacifist112 -1 points0 points ago

*their :P

[–]xxJORDISxx 0 points1 point ago

fixed

[–]TmlzMiso 1 point2 points ago

They still have eight lives left.

[–]c1namber 2 points3 points ago

I'm allergic to cat hair. This would be very effect against me.

[–]GingerJesus89 2 points3 points ago

Speechless

[–]TalksWithCats 0 points1 point ago

Look what you've done to Bubbles!

[–]omfglmao 0 points1 point ago

reminds me of the tf2 engineer

[–]waterbottlebandit 2 points3 points ago

I started playing the "spy vs spy" theme from Madtv in my head while watching this.

[–]Dohick3y 0 points1 point ago

It's definitely something spy vs spy would do. Love it.

[–]ICouldEatAKnobAtNite 0 points1 point ago

This popped up on my facebook feed days ago...after a friend liked a 9gag post. Can we please stop pretending that we are any different from them?

[–]_kst_ 1 point2 points ago

Show some respect for the artist. Link to the original, don't rehost on imgur.

[–]deadpool647 1 point2 points ago

How to kill a redditor.

[–]AllanSaro 1 point2 points ago

Poor kitties died too though =/

[–]cowpunter 1 point2 points ago

http://i.imgur.com/qYmQC.gif

[–]AllanSaro 0 points1 point ago

Holy shit! That makes me feel SOOO much better. Thank you Cowpunter.

[–]trev2010 0 points1 point ago

And the cats would land on their feet anyways so it's a win win.

[–]Orion_BLT 0 points1 point ago

You do not sacrifice karma for assassinations. GTFO

[–]undertakerdan13 0 points1 point ago

How to know you have been killed by a Redditor

[–]Henkmeister 0 points1 point ago

This is totally irrelevant, but am I the only one who thinks that the last frame really isn't necessary? It just annoyed me that they carried on the joke after the point was made

[–]shteeeeeve 0 points1 point ago

Deaddit.

[–]Rasassination 0 points1 point ago

Catsassination

[–]agentup 1 point2 points ago

After reading comments explaining that the cats would not die from the fall, I shall bequeath thee an upvote

[–]Ezrah_Pounde 0 points1 point ago

Reddit assassin?

[–]somewhere-man 0 points1 point ago

Cats can also save lives though.

[–]ThickRick 0 points1 point ago

A Redditor's ideal method of another Redditor's ironic demise.

[–]slugger124 0 points1 point ago

I guess you can say it was the purfect crime removes sunglasses

[–]eyereport 0 points1 point ago

CUT.

Dude, you're supposed to put the sunglasses on, not take them off.

Okay folks, we're doing this scene again. Rolling!

[–]Honestly_ 0 points1 point ago

That poor guy, what a catastrophe.

[–]omgdinosaurs 0 points1 point ago

hahaha, the cats are also going to die...

[–]cowpunter 0 points1 point ago

http://i.imgur.com/qYmQC.gif

[–]omgdinosaurs 0 points1 point ago

touche

[–]Willyjwade 0 points1 point ago

But... the cats would all die.

[–]eyereport 0 points1 point ago

What if they were the actual targets?

Think about it.

[–]cowpunter 0 points1 point ago

http://i.imgur.com/qYmQC.gif

[–]SavingFerris 0 points1 point ago

How did this get so many upvotes on reddit?? I mean at least 5 of those cats are gonna die too...

[–]cowpunter 0 points1 point ago

http://i.imgur.com/qYmQC.gif

[–]Deestan 1 point2 points ago

Reported for breaking the "don't rehost webcomics with no attribution to the original, asshole" rule. The rules can be found in the sidebar to the right.

[–]General_Juicebox 0 points1 point ago

spyvsspy.jpg

[–]wolfgang169 0 points1 point ago

I always loved this lol

Unrelated

[–]damaximum 0 points1 point ago

Should be a weapon in tf2 for the spy

[–]Pinoy-P-I-M-P 0 points1 point ago

I believe that Chuin & Remo may have something to say about this.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

This needs to happen in a movie.

[–]iamnotseanclark 0 points1 point ago

and on the plus side all the cats would land on their feet. You wouldn't need to worry about them getting hurt.

[–]superpong64 0 points1 point ago

Cats are distracted by lasers, I'm distracted by the weird way the cartoonist drew the guy's mouth on the last panel. Is he happy? Is it scar tissue pushing his lip up at an odd angle? Is it an overbite, but he has no teeth? Is there a flap of extra skin covering his mouth, like a foreskin?

[–]Beast815 0 points1 point ago

id hate to be taken out this way

[–]Kellianne 0 points1 point ago

I'm feeling pretty stupid because it took me a couple minutes to get this! Then as my mother would say "I laughed like a nut"

[–]insidetomorow 1 point2 points ago

That's where fluffy went.

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